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5:08 PM
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft that is the gist, but only kinda sorta dead. They insist he lives but like Microsoft they also don't like comparative analysis and explaining how that whole process works internally.
 
@EvanCarroll LOLOL
Anytime I need a cheering up, I am going to call you. Your comments always make me smile!
 
@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells that's a view that internally calls object_definition
@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells so what your real question is how does object_definition work?
I assume secret handshakes with something
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft is your guy!
 
I know nothing!
 
Do you actually work on the product and have access to the source code?
@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells I'll play around with it, I think this more Hekaton obfuscation
I'm going to tell all of @SeanGallardy-Microsoft's secrets!
I also want to know how has_access
 
I don't do any programming on the product or it'd work way worse
I do, however, delve the source
Some things I can share, others I can't, others I can just be extremely vague on
 
5:18 PM
I can't see what you see, but I have no reason to believe you'd do worse.
 
@EvanCarroll Challenge accepted!!!
A very very long time ago, in another life, I did embedded programming
which was all assembly
some of the newer ones could do C/C++ depending on the chip
 
I do some embedded stuff too.
Well, I pretend.
 
I haven't touched it in ... 12 years now
 
@McNets @SeanGallardy-Microsoft I think simply @-referencing someone in a room won't work if that person never visited the room (or hasn't visited it in a while, not sure about how long). As for how to invite someone, I don't know of any way other than to notify them in a comment on the main.
 
I bought a book, the Art of Electrical Engineering based on the recommendations of a friend. It's remarkably hard to grok.
 
5:21 PM
but I wouldn't mind getting into that space again, it was fun. maybe some of the pi stuffs or a *duino
 
I have like 5k of EE stuff though for playing around.
 
@EvanCarroll /jealous!
You know though, I really didn't like matlab
but the circuit simulator we had was pretty nice
 
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft what about via email?
:D
 
Never used it. =) I have used some circuit sims mainly the web ones
Haven't touched eagle yet. that's what all the cool kids like these days
 
@sp_BlitzErik for the CIA and MS that's listening.. no I don't give out secrets...
@EvanCarroll eagle? I have to look that up now! see how old I am :(
I'm assuming since pg i open source it's mostly c++?
 
5:25 PM
Pg is entirely C.
the only exceptions to that are the things like lib_phonenumber (which are C++), and the GIS stuff which are C++, but all of that is still done in C against the hpp headers
and it's all the extensions only
 
Wow, not even objective c, just straight up all functions c?
 
yep.
 
I believe PostgreSQL is older than Sybase
It predates SQL.
 
now I want to see if there's a file that just holds macros
macros that make macros that make macros
 
5:27 PM
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft the whole system is build around macros. there are good reasons to hate them, but the gods of PostgreSQL have made a pretty magical system with them.
Look at the v1 function definitions
 
@EvanCarroll Magic and I don't get along :(
I find nesting macros exceedingly hard to read
having said that, I don't do it for my day job
I also find music hard to read
 
Just look at the V1 function spec
It's really nice and easy.
 
@ypercubeᵀᴹ you're a day late!
 
"PG_MODULE_MAGIC" <--- it burrrrnnnnnsssss usssss
although it's quite straight forwad
 
5:32 PM
Lol, it is C. No doubt.
Still you know how you call a function from a DLL in SQL Server.
That's hillariousss.
You wrap C in Microsoft Java because Java makes everything better.
I tried extending SQL Server in C too
 
@EvanCarroll It's all C/C++
 
The server itself, I'm sure.
But calling native code from SQL Server is no fun.
 
Though CLR can be used for functions with .net
 
I tried getting it to work with an open source build chain and failed.
 
If Java would die, the internet would be a better place.
 
5:35 PM
I tried using .NET Core on Linux too
It was a certifiably miserable failure
 
@EvanCarroll You're a crazy man!
Alright, time to go put on those lbs Erik is taking off.
 
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft 10-4
 
you can't actually download the audio podcast from the podcast site
 
5:51 PM
j/k impromptu meeting
sigh
@sp_BlitzErik I hit a plateau pretty hard, and if I eat more I want to puke :(
 
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Old school unix - early versions even used the fork and shared memory model, although it's had a tread pool for a decade or two now.
 
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft let's trade
 
@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells is that like a wading pool?
;-)
 
Thread pool - also not Dead Pool.
 
6:10 PM
@sp_BlitzErik I'll trade, but you get my allergies with it.
 
@PaulWhite Regarding TF 176
 
@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells lol both are fun :)
 
It seems as if the TF doesn't have the intended effect when inserting into a table and filtering on a computed column that's also the partition column using $PARTITION.function
if it would help I can send a full repro
 
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft as long as you're not allergic to booze, i'm cool
 
@sp_BlitzErik I'm allergic to Hops..
 
6:14 PM
I bet he's allergic to popcorn too
 
HA! I am not and I'm eating some right now... on mute
Kettle corn FTW
 
so i guess you can't drink kerbeeros
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
i hate myself.
goodbye forever.
 
@sp_BlitzErik :golf clap:
 
EAGL
 
I'm wondering if that tde backup question... wonder if he used shrink lately...
Friends don't let friends shrink databases.
 
6:42 PM
Anyone heard any reports of service accounts losing logon as a service wrt SQL Server installs? Or know what would cause that in general across EVERY ONE OF MY DEVELOPERS MACHINES. Even gpolsec changes
Tomv thinks it could be some sort of endpoint protection agent or something
 
@jcolebrand :cough: sounds like someone changed group policy :cough:
 
Right, but how?
What would revoke that?
It nuked other stuff, like gSMA accounts
but
like
 
@jcolebrand Applying the GPO to the wrong set of accounts...
look at the RSOP (resultant set of policies) and see
 
idek what policy to check tho!
How do I check that?
Or the history of what GPO rules were recently applied
 
Chances are nobody is going to own up to it
@jcolebrand Bingo
 
6:52 PM
No, HOW do I check that
I don't know how
Or what
 
the easiest way to see (IMHO) without an AD admin would be to open up even tviewer
 
Can you list a last modified date of all policies using powershell?
 
tviewer?
 
look for GPO applied and then find out when your errors started happening
 
oh, event viewer
 
6:53 PM
event viewer*
@jcolebrand I can't type for crap on this laptop
 
@TomV is this a question to me or the room?
 
Both
 
The Group Policy settings for the computer were processed successfully. New settings from 21 Group Policy objects were detected and applied.
Okay, cool, now how do I look up what those were
 
But I'd wager somebody changed something on the gpo too
 
@jcolebrand Get with your AD team
 
6:55 PM
Yeah so new settings :)
 
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft They deny touching ANYTHING
 
@jcolebrand of course
 
BUT WE DIDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING
 
"We have made no GPO or AD changes at all ever in the entire history of the company. We do not monitor Windows or AD. We are strictly hands off of the entire business. We basically just come up here to stay out of the cold. We don't even have hands."
 
6:55 PM
execute rsop.msc
 
The new settings didn't come from the garden gnomes
 
@TomV are you sure?
 
yep
or gpresult /H myreport.html
 
yeah, I think that might have been faster
 
RESTART THE WORLD
 
6:57 PM
but this first, then that
 
O-M-G
I just went into powershell and typed
cd ~\Desktop
and it worked
 
@EvanCarroll wait, there's a command for that? I would love to try it. Something went wrong in like March 2016 and I wanna reset to at least January 2015 to ensure it wasn't something in between
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft did you not know that trick? >.>
You can use the ~\ to mean home anywhere you would type C:\users\cbrand\blah
 
@jcolebrand I always get an error using ~
 
so I use it for ~\.ssh too
 
6:58 PM
I guess it depends on the command interpreting? idk. I always use it
 
too muc time spending on Linux is coming over to the windows world
 
cd ~ is the same as cd or should be.
 
I used to get errors, I'd be using Linux all day and then type that and get errors in powershell... must have been an update
cd ~ should take you to the home directory (at least in Linux) cd by itself should do nothing
 
The following script finds all GPOs in the domain that have been modified this month.
 
6:59 PM
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft been around for a minute tho
 
Could be a win ^^
 
Maybe you weren't on PS4+?
 
@jcolebrand I guess I'm just old and slow...
 
@TomV just saved. Gonna wait for the other tool to finish first. Thank you
 
@jcolebrand let me know if the script works
I just Googled it but it could be useful i' the future to prove something changed even if system engineers promise they didn't
 
7:06 PM
Will do
working on three things simultaneously of course
as always
 
From a first look I guess it won't account for a new year but it shows that there is a modified date on the gpo so the resulting script you need could be straightforward
 
meh
I can muddle in PS just fine, I'll sortit
but thanks
 
I'm signing out but I guess you could post it on main if you figure it out. Maybe a self answer or the suggestions from chat as answers
I dunno lol
 
Maybe so
tbh
 
7:35 PM
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft spill your beans dba.stackexchange.com/q/195099/2639
 
Ah
I sort-of answered that in my secret handshake answer ;)
when you see OPENROWSET to an unnamed item like that..
it's doing internal calls to internal memory structures
There is nothing short of a debugger and symbols that you can do with it
/beans spilled
 
... so that's the PUBLIC ANSWER.
pssh...
 
ok
Let's take for example, sys.dm_server_registry
what is the definition of that?
CREATE VIEW sys.dm_server_registry AS
SELECT *
FROM OpenRowset(TABLE DM_SERVER_REGISTRY)
TABLE DM_SERVER_REGISTRY is the part you're asking about, correct?
 
SELECT * FROM OpenRowset(TABLE DM_SERVER_REGISTRY)
yea.
 
alright
DM_SERVER_REGISTRY is an entry point to run internal functions that gather registry information
in C++
this gathers the data, then gives it back represented as a table
 
7:49 PM
and they're returning a memory structure that gets abstracted out as a SQL datum?
 
basically
so it's a framework to take any type of data, internal or external (like the registry) and give it back in an easy to consume way
 
so can we create our own functions that execute symbols in C++ like that? that is to say, is this dynamically executed or compiled? Can I make my own calls to OpenRowset(TABLE DM_SERVER_REGISTRY)
 
make new functions, point it to that function, make a simple module
You cannot
you'll get a compile error
 
hrm. so these are compiled then with textual representations, they're not calling the C++ code with the symbol name at runtime.
 
I'd have to look to see how it's defined
but each of these is a class
in C++ terms
which makes building new dmv's easy, tested, and quick
That's pretty much about the max I can say
 
7:53 PM
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft so where should i file an item about the udf cpu timing thing?
was gonna do connect but didn't wanna get euroed
 
for two reasons, 1) I haven't looked into how the resolution between name and class happens and 2) I can't legally disclose everything
@sp_BlitzErik euroed?
@sp_BlitzErik Haha I'd say.. connect ;)
 
Right, I'm wondering if I was to hack that name in mssqlsystemresource if it could execute arbitrary internal C++ code, or if it was a actually C++ sub that carried around meta information (like pseduo-SQL)
 
I can tell you, each and every connect item goes into TFS
 
gdpred
god damn pinko regulation
 
@sp_BlitzErik EAGL for me, spoon feed me like I was a baby
Pretend I never got past 1st grade
 
7:55 PM
connect is closing down because of the european union's adoption of the gdpr law
no?
Interjection: your mom
  1. (pejorative, US, Britain, slang) A general purpose insult, often used to comedic effect due to becoming stale.
  2. Conrad: I am not sure if this phrase is commonly used...
  3. Dominic: Your mom is commonly used.
  4. 2004, Napoleon Dynamite
  5. Deb: Well, isn't anyone else here trying to earn money for college?
  6. Kip: Your mom goes to college.
 
@EvanCarroll It's definitely compiled in the executable code
@sp_BlitzErik It is?
@sp_BlitzErik HAHAHAHA
 
Dec 11 '17 at 17:01, by Joe Obbish
"[Microsoft] Connect will be decommissioned and shut down after 12/31/2017 due to lack of compliance with GDPR privacy regulations."
everything was supposed to be moving to uservoice or something
 
@sp_BlitzErik Yet I can still file... Shows you how much they tell us :)
 
dangit
 
@sp_BlitzErik I'll ask and see. that's not a very good "informational" message
If you want, you can send me the details and I can put it in on the backend
 
7:59 PM
either way -- is this worth connecting over or is it already in the pipeline?
 
Let me take a look, I'm going to gym right quick though first...
 
same
 
@EvanCarroll I'm not saying I gave you a satisfactory answer but it's what I can give... does it help or hurt?
@sp_BlitzErik YESSSS. Tri's today
 
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft definitely helps, it's near complete; though I would like to know if you can you call arbitrary C++ symbols, how compilation works (are they compiled when the server starts like the Hekaton stuff), is the source merely symbolic or does it function in any capacity for a compiler or in runtime, how does the code prevent OpenRowSet from being used in user-space and can that be avoided if you wanted to dump these structures entirely.
 
8:27 PM
So @SeanGallardy-Microsoft and @TomV and etc, I haven't gotten the damned reports to run because reasons. My machine. I'll get them. In the meanwhile, check this out
 
> Cylance has been described as “the first company to apply artificial intelligence, algorithmic science and machine learning to cyber security.”[2]
Omfg
 
8:59 PM
Yeah but why did we install two competing products?
That seems like an issue
 
@EvanCarroll Try using openrowset arbitrarily to do something, you'll get a compilation error. you can use it to open files and whatnot but to execute code is another thing. Can you do it? Maybe, but it'd require detouring which isn't AT ALL supported.
@jcolebrand Normally when I see these, I hear "oh it was supposed to be in passive/learning mode - ooops"
 
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Yeah ... impressive yeah? Especially for "we didn't touch anything!"
 
@jcolebrand Never, we'd never touch anything.. EVAR!!!!!111212!@!@1
 
9:21 PM
@jcolebrand I literally helped fix this exact issue at a customer site 1.5 years ago. Tracked it down to this stuff. We fixed it, but still...
In fact, the quote was, "How'd that get on there, it should have never hit this server?!"
 
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft which muscles does chatting on stack exchange work again? :D
 
@sp_BlitzErik fingers...
 
Cannot parameterize @querytext.
wtf i hate plan guides now
 
@sp_BlitzErik LOL you didn't hate them in 2005?
 
in 2005 i was a bouncer
 
9:35 PM
a bouncer of SQL Server
I don't think anyone has submitted feedback about your issue yet
 
is it worthy?
or am i overlooking something?
don't wanna waste anyone's time
 
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft QA2, QA3, Every developers machine
 
I did a cursory look in TFS... I was going to say....
Do you want to email Joe Sack or should I? lol
@jcolebrand "I said, nothing changed!"
why won't you believe me?
 
isn't he working on sql server 2018?
he's busy
also don't talk to my future husband
i mean boss
 
@sp_BlitzErik Shouldn't they be working on SQL Server 2020?
I mean, it's a little late to be polishing 2018 no? :p
 
9:39 PM
2018 is already RC2...
 
@jcolebrand that wouldn't be very agile
 
give us 3 months and 2019 will be ctp1
 
karthik must be doing backflips
 
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Why are you worried about 2019 releases? The 2019 car models are already being sold (hyperbole?) so you should be focused on 2020 database structures!
Give us tomorrow's tomorrow, today!
 
9:42 PM
Hyperbole or not, the Detroit Auto Show is in the next 15 days more or less
so ....
 
I never did like detroit
I've been able to 100% never go there so far and I plan on keeping it that way
foreign rice burners FTW
@sp_BlitzErik You should try a parallelized clr udf in your testing... I bet that'd be even more interesting
 
i can't write c#
are you bonkers
 
You just take Java
 
I'm reading the spec for udf execution time right now
 
and you beat it with a meat tenderizer
And then you run THAT through a grinder.
 
9:48 PM
@jcolebrand Why can't Java just die, it's horrible
 
And then you pour cyanide on it, make a burger, eat the burger
Voila, you have some CLR action baby
I may have gotten a step or two wrong. That's either the recipe for a CLR or a damned tasty burger ... or a damned burger ...
 
alright, three computer and multiple browsers can't sign into connect
the bug shall live on
 
@sp_BlitzErik I'll ask the person who implemented to check
 
thanks. if they need a repro i can probably gin one up.
 
"just log into my machine damnit"
That seems to work best
 
9:58 PM
@sp_BlitzErik I'm literally on the phone with the engineer who created it...
if you want me to show repro's send me the cod enow
 
ask him if he even engineers
 
or forever hold your peace? piece? hehehe piece...
 
oh i don't have it sitting around
unless they want to download the stack overflow database
 
@sp_BlitzErik has everything and nothing sitting around since 2005
So she was super nice and will get back to me
@sp_BlitzErik How should I invoice you?
 
aa tokens
 
10:06 PM
I don't think AA uses tokens: americasarmy.com
 
10:28 PM
I AM BACK
 
10:39 PM
@EvanCarroll Where was the evil laugh, though?
 
10:55 PM
As a Microsoft employee, if you're bothered by the sound of the evil laugh just go to the break room and politely ask Sauron to shush.
I know he's on payroll.
This post by @hot2use is a really great find. This guy Mark S. Rasmussen is a bad ass.
 
@EvanCarroll He's actually been extremely quiet these days... that's why I was hoping for one from you :(
 

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