@SeanGallardy-Microsoft that is the gist, but only kinda sorta dead. They insist he lives but like Microsoft they also don't like comparative analysis and explaining how that whole process works internally.

@EvanCarroll LOLOL

Anytime I need a cheering up, I am going to call you. Your comments always make me smile!

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells that's a view that internally calls object_definition

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells so what your real question is how does object_definition work?

I assume secret handshakes with something

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft is your guy!

I know nothing!

Do you actually work on the product and have access to the source code?

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells I'll play around with it, I think this more Hekaton obfuscation

I'm going to tell all of @SeanGallardy-Microsoft's secrets!

I also want to know how has_access

I don't do any programming on the product or it'd work way worse

I do, however, delve the source

Some things I can share, others I can't, others I can just be extremely vague on

I can't see what you see, but I have no reason to believe you'd do worse.

@EvanCarroll Challenge accepted!!!

A very very long time ago, in another life, I did embedded programming

which was all assembly

some of the newer ones could do C/C++ depending on the chip

I do some embedded stuff too.

I haven't touched it in ... 12 years now

@McNets @SeanGallardy-Microsoft I think simply @-referencing someone in a room won't work if that person never visited the room (or hasn't visited it in a while, not sure about how long). As for how to invite someone, I don't know of any way other than to notify them in a comment on the main.

I bought a book, the Art of Electrical Engineering based on the recommendations of a friend. It's remarkably hard to grok.

but I wouldn't mind getting into that space again, it was fun. maybe some of the pi stuffs or a *duino

I have like 5k of EE stuff though for playing around.

@EvanCarroll /jealous!

You know though, I really didn't like matlab

but the circuit simulator we had was pretty nice

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft what about via email?

:D

Never used it. =) I have used some circuit sims mainly the web ones

Haven't touched eagle yet. that's what all the cool kids like these days

@sp_BlitzErik for the CIA and MS that's listening.. no I don't give out secrets...

@EvanCarroll eagle? I have to look that up now! see how old I am :(

I'm assuming since pg i open source it's mostly c++?

Pg is entirely C.

the only exceptions to that are the things like lib_phonenumber (which are C++), and the GIS stuff which are C++, but all of that is still done in C against the hpp headers

and it's all the extensions only

Wow, not even objective c, just straight up all functions c?

yep.

ouchies

I believe PostgreSQL is older than Sybase

It predates SQL.

now I want to see if there's a file that just holds macros

macros that make macros that make macros

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft the whole system is build around macros. there are good reasons to hate them, but the gods of PostgreSQL have made a pretty magical system with them.

Look at the v1 function definitions

@EvanCarroll Magic and I don't get along :(

I find nesting macros exceedingly hard to read

having said that, I don't do it for my day job

I also find music hard to read

Just look at the V1 function spec

It's really nice and easy.

Parallel Hash joins in Postgres

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft postgresql.org/docs/current/static/…

@ypercubeᵀᴹ you're a day late!

"PG_MODULE_MAGIC" <--- it burrrrnnnnnsssss usssss

although it's quite straight forwad

Lol, it is C. No doubt.

Still you know how you call a function from a DLL in SQL Server.

That's hillariousss.

You wrap C in Microsoft Java because Java makes everything better.

I tried extending SQL Server in C too

@EvanCarroll It's all C/C++

The server itself, I'm sure.

But calling native code from SQL Server is no fun.

Though CLR can be used for functions with .net

I tried getting it to work with an open source build chain and failed.

If Java would die, the internet would be a better place.

I tried using .NET Core on Linux too

It was a certifiably miserable failure

@EvanCarroll You're a crazy man!

Alright, time to go put on those lbs Erik is taking off.

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft 10-4

groupby.org/conference-session-abstracts/…

you can't actually download the audio podcast from the podcast site

j/k impromptu meeting

sigh

@sp_BlitzErik I hit a plateau pretty hard, and if I eat more I want to puke :(

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Old school unix - early versions even used the fork and shared memory model, although it's had a tread pool for a decade or two now.

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft let's trade

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells is that like a wading pool?

;-)

Thread pool - also not Dead Pool.

@sp_BlitzErik I'll trade, but you get my allergies with it.

@PaulWhite Regarding TF 176

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells lol both are fun :)

It seems as if the TF doesn't have the intended effect when inserting into a table and filtering on a computed column that's also the partition column using $PARTITION.function

if it would help I can send a full repro

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft as long as you're not allergic to booze, i'm cool

@sp_BlitzErik I'm allergic to Hops..

I bet he's allergic to popcorn too

HA! I am not and I'm eating some right now... on mute

Kettle corn FTW

so i guess you can't drink kerbeeros

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i hate myself.

goodbye forever.

@sp_BlitzErik :golf clap:

EAGL

I'm wondering if that tde backup question... wonder if he used shrink lately...

Friends don't let friends shrink databases.

Anyone heard any reports of service accounts losing logon as a service wrt SQL Server installs? Or know what would cause that in general across EVERY ONE OF MY DEVELOPERS MACHINES. Even gpolsec changes

Tomv thinks it could be some sort of endpoint protection agent or something

@jcolebrand :cough: sounds like someone changed group policy :cough:

Right, but how?

What would revoke that?

It nuked other stuff, like gSMA accounts

but

like

@jcolebrand Applying the GPO to the wrong set of accounts...

look at the RSOP (resultant set of policies) and see

idek what policy to check tho!

How do I check that?

Or the history of what GPO rules were recently applied

Chances are nobody is going to own up to it

@jcolebrand Bingo

No, HOW do I check that

I don't know how

Or what

the easiest way to see (IMHO) without an AD admin would be to open up even tviewer

Can you list a last modified date of all policies using powershell?

tviewer?

look for GPO applied and then find out when your errors started happening

oh, event viewer

event viewer*

@jcolebrand I can't type for crap on this laptop

@TomV is this a question to me or the room?

Both

The Group Policy settings for the computer were processed successfully. New settings from 21 Group Policy objects were detected and applied.

Okay, cool, now how do I look up what those were

But I'd wager somebody changed something on the gpo too

@jcolebrand Get with your AD team

Yeah so new settings :)

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft They deny touching ANYTHING

@jcolebrand of course

BUT WE DIDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING

how about

"We have made no GPO or AD changes at all ever in the entire history of the company. We do not monitor Windows or AD. We are strictly hands off of the entire business. We basically just come up here to stay out of the cold. We don't even have hands."

execute rsop.msc

The new settings didn't come from the garden gnomes

@TomV are you sure?

yep

or gpresult /H myreport.html

yeah, I think that might have been faster

RESTART THE WORLD

but this first, then that

O-M-G

I just went into powershell and typed

cd ~\Desktop

and it worked

@EvanCarroll wait, there's a command for that? I would love to try it. Something went wrong in like March 2016 and I wanna reset to at least January 2015 to ensure it wasn't something in between

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft did you not know that trick? >.>

You can use the ~\ to mean home anywhere you would type C:\users\cbrand\blah

@jcolebrand I always get an error using ~

so I use it for ~\.ssh too

cd ~ works

I guess it depends on the command interpreting? idk. I always use it

too muc time spending on Linux is coming over to the windows world

blogs.technet.microsoft.com/grouppolicy/2009/03/26/…

cd ~ is the same as cd or should be.

I used to get errors, I'd be using Linux all day and then type that and get errors in powershell... must have been an update

cd ~ should take you to the home directory (at least in Linux) cd by itself should do nothing

The following script finds all GPOs in the domain that have been modified this month.

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft been around for a minute tho

Could be a win ^^

Maybe you weren't on PS4+?

@jcolebrand I guess I'm just old and slow...

@TomV just saved. Gonna wait for the other tool to finish first. Thank you

@jcolebrand let me know if the script works

I just Googled it but it could be useful i' the future to prove something changed even if system engineers promise they didn't

Will do

working on three things simultaneously of course

as always

From a first look I guess it won't account for a new year but it shows that there is a modified date on the gpo so the resulting script you need could be straightforward

meh

I can muddle in PS just fine, I'll sortit

but thanks

I'm signing out but I guess you could post it on main if you figure it out. Maybe a self answer or the suggestions from chat as answers

I dunno lol

Maybe so

tbh

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft spill your beans dba.stackexchange.com/q/195099/2639

Ah

I sort-of answered that in my secret handshake answer ;)

when you see OPENROWSET to an unnamed item like that..

it's doing internal calls to internal memory structures

There is nothing short of a debugger and symbols that you can do with it

/beans spilled

... so that's the PUBLIC ANSWER.

pssh...

ok

Let's take for example, sys.dm_server_registry

what is the definition of that?

TABLE DM_SERVER_REGISTRY is the part you're asking about, correct?

SELECT * FROM OpenRowset(TABLE DM_SERVER_REGISTRY)

yea.

alright

DM_SERVER_REGISTRY is an entry point to run internal functions that gather registry information

in C++

this gathers the data, then gives it back represented as a table

and they're returning a memory structure that gets abstracted out as a SQL datum?

basically

so it's a framework to take any type of data, internal or external (like the registry) and give it back in an easy to consume way

so can we create our own functions that execute symbols in C++ like that? that is to say, is this dynamically executed or compiled? Can I make my own calls to OpenRowset(TABLE DM_SERVER_REGISTRY)

make new functions, point it to that function, make a simple module

You cannot

you'll get a compile error

hrm. so these are compiled then with textual representations, they're not calling the C++ code with the symbol name at runtime.

I'd have to look to see how it's defined

but each of these is a class

in C++ terms

which makes building new dmv's easy, tested, and quick

That's pretty much about the max I can say

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft so where should i file an item about the udf cpu timing thing?

was gonna do connect but didn't wanna get euroed

for two reasons, 1) I haven't looked into how the resolution between name and class happens and 2) I can't legally disclose everything

@sp_BlitzErik euroed?

@sp_BlitzErik Haha I'd say.. connect ;)

Right, I'm wondering if I was to hack that name in mssqlsystemresource if it could execute arbitrary internal C++ code, or if it was a actually C++ sub that carried around meta information (like pseduo-SQL)

I can tell you, each and every connect item goes into TFS

gdpred

god damn pinko regulation

@sp_BlitzErik EAGL for me, spoon feed me like I was a baby

Pretend I never got past 1st grade

connect is closing down because of the european union's adoption of the gdpr law

no?

@EvanCarroll It's definitely compiled in the executable code

@sp_BlitzErik It is?

@sp_BlitzErik HAHAHAHA

everything was supposed to be moving to uservoice or something

@sp_BlitzErik Yet I can still file... Shows you how much they tell us :)

dangit

@sp_BlitzErik I'll ask and see. that's not a very good "informational" message

If you want, you can send me the details and I can put it in on the backend

either way -- is this worth connecting over or is it already in the pipeline?

Let me take a look, I'm going to gym right quick though first...

same

@EvanCarroll I'm not saying I gave you a satisfactory answer but it's what I can give... does it help or hurt?

@sp_BlitzErik YESSSS. Tri's today

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft definitely helps, it's near complete; though I would like to know if you can you call arbitrary C++ symbols, how compilation works (are they compiled when the server starts like the Hekaton stuff), is the source merely symbolic or does it function in any capacity for a compiler or in runtime, how does the code prevent OpenRowSet from being used in user-space and can that be avoided if you wanted to dump these structures entirely.

So @SeanGallardy-Microsoft and @TomV and etc, I haven't gotten the damned reports to run because reasons. My machine. I'll get them. In the meanwhile, check this out

GPO recently installed products from both en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cylance and en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carbon_Black_(company)

> Cylance has been described as “the first company to apply artificial intelligence, algorithmic science and machine learning to cyber security.”[2]

Omfg

Yeah but why did we install two competing products?

That seems like an issue

@EvanCarroll Try using openrowset arbitrarily to do something, you'll get a compilation error. you can use it to open files and whatnot but to execute code is another thing. Can you do it? Maybe, but it'd require detouring which isn't AT ALL supported.

@jcolebrand Normally when I see these, I hear "oh it was supposed to be in passive/learning mode - ooops"

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Yeah ... impressive yeah? Especially for "we didn't touch anything!"

@jcolebrand Never, we'd never touch anything.. EVAR!!!!!111212!@!@1

@jcolebrand I literally helped fix this exact issue at a customer site 1.5 years ago. Tracked it down to this stuff. We fixed it, but still...

In fact, the quote was, "How'd that get on there, it should have never hit this server?!"

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft which muscles does chatting on stack exchange work again? :D

@sp_BlitzErik fingers...

Cannot parameterize @querytext.

wtf i hate plan guides now

@sp_BlitzErik LOL you didn't hate them in 2005?

in 2005 i was a bouncer

a bouncer of SQL Server

I don't think anyone has submitted feedback about your issue yet

is it worthy?

or am i overlooking something?

don't wanna waste anyone's time

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft QA2, QA3, Every developers machine

I did a cursory look in TFS... I was going to say....

Do you want to email Joe Sack or should I? lol

@jcolebrand "I said, nothing changed!"

why won't you believe me?

isn't he working on sql server 2018?

he's busy

also don't talk to my future husband

i mean boss

@sp_BlitzErik Shouldn't they be working on SQL Server 2020?

I mean, it's a little late to be polishing 2018 no? :p

2018 is already RC2...

@jcolebrand that wouldn't be very agile

give us 3 months and 2019 will be ctp1

karthik must be doing backflips

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Why are you worried about 2019 releases? The 2019 car models are already being sold (hyperbole?) so you should be focused on 2020 database structures!

Give us tomorrow's tomorrow, today!

LMFAO

Hyperbole or not, the Detroit Auto Show is in the next 15 days more or less

so ....

I never did like detroit

I've been able to 100% never go there so far and I plan on keeping it that way

foreign rice burners FTW

@sp_BlitzErik You should try a parallelized clr udf in your testing... I bet that'd be even more interesting

i can't write c#

are you bonkers

You just take Java

I'm reading the spec for udf execution time right now

and you beat it with a meat tenderizer

And then you run THAT through a grinder.

@jcolebrand Why can't Java just die, it's horrible

And then you pour cyanide on it, make a burger, eat the burger

Voila, you have some CLR action baby

I may have gotten a step or two wrong. That's either the recipe for a CLR or a damned tasty burger ... or a damned burger ...

alright, three computer and multiple browsers can't sign into connect

the bug shall live on

@sp_BlitzErik I'll ask the person who implemented to check

thanks. if they need a repro i can probably gin one up.

"just log into my machine damnit"

That seems to work best

@sp_BlitzErik I'm literally on the phone with the engineer who created it...

if you want me to show repro's send me the cod enow

ask him if he even engineers

or forever hold your peace? piece? hehehe piece...

oh i don't have it sitting around

unless they want to download the stack overflow database

@sp_BlitzErik has everything and nothing sitting around since 2005

So she was super nice and will get back to me

@sp_BlitzErik How should I invoice you?

aa tokens

I don't think AA uses tokens: americasarmy.com

I AM BACK

@EvanCarroll Where was the evil laugh, though?

As a Microsoft employee, if you're bothered by the sound of the evil laugh just go to the break room and politely ask Sauron to shush.

I know he's on payroll.

This post by @hot2use is a really great find. This guy Mark S. Rasmussen is a bad ass.

@EvanCarroll He's actually been extremely quiet these days... that's why I was hoping for one from you :(