I seldom say such things about the Microsoft bloggers. I know this guy is a bad ass because I gave him a shout out before for being a bad ass. twitter.com/TheEvanCarroll/status/947181882516664320

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft the function thing might be right when the function body is serial, it looks like things only freak out when the function runs parallel

TSQL UDFs can't run parallel AFAIK

they can so

i do it all the time

they make the calling query run serially, but the function body isn't restricted

@sp_BlitzErik right, because they inhibit parallism

yessir

In your blog, though, you're not doing this

so it should run serially

the entire query

??

something something your mom?

Did I use the thing right?

yes

WOOOOT! steak dinners on me.. and by that I mean FOR me only

You're a scalar function

anyway I asked the kind engineer to take a look at it

that's what your mom says

i know, i appreciate it

@sp_BlitzErik Truth!

was trying to clarify my position

in case the engineer is your mom

if you know what i mean

LOL

@EvanCarroll is my mom

i take it all back

new phone who dis

@sp_BlitzErik Hey bebe itsyo baby daday

have you met the pfe that used to work for brent? angie?

rather, with me and brent

i phrased that horribly

@sp_BlitzErik I'm just a lowly PFE, so I have not

what's the name?

I'll look them up in the GAL

angie

just a one word name, eh?

walker

oh wait she got married

or is it like the lastname firstname and firstname lastname

rudduck

OOOHHH I've never met her in person but pretty sure I answered some of her questions on internal exchanges

because she as already in my local send to list

cache

whatchamacallit

hahaha

auto-complete! that' it

My command of the English language wanes as does the sun...

I can't really say I've had any dealings with her though, let me look through sent mail

i was just curious, she's been there for a fair bit

We're a small but also large community

it's hard to explain

I may or may not get up your way again, anytime soon

no rush. i had dinner with adam machanic last night, so i've fulfilled my social quota.

@sp_BlitzErik #NameDrop

it's only namedropping if they've blogged in the last year

hahaha

I'm thinking I should update my profile pic to match github

people might think you're a catfish

@sp_BlitzErik I am a catfish...

BUT WE MET AT PASS

i'm so confused

@sp_BlitzErik Was that really me???

ok I changed my picture...

I look so weak in it

you haven't autocompleted yet

must take a minute...

/Idunno

food time!

adios

welcome to eating the same thing, every day

I'll pop on again a bit later

maybe my horrible picture will update by then

why did it take me 5 minutes to write a query with a distribute streams in it

i'm losing my edge

i think joe is stealing it from me