The Heap™ – Consultancy ©® - 2018-01-10 (page 1 of 3)

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1:05 AM

@ypercubeᵀᴹ dba.stackexchange.com/q/194975/2639

@ypercubeᵀᴹ can we not be clever and solve that someway.

I get what's happening and yadda yadda but still

6 hours later…

6:51 AM

@sp_BlitzErik slack broke yesterday 1800 UTC

7:23 AM

morning

7:48 AM

morning

morning

morning

8:03 AM

morning and evening

8:20 AM

G'day

2 hours later…

10:08 AM

-4

Q: MS SQL Server Instalation - AI is included?

I am installing MS SQL Server 2016 and everything is so professional and slow I presume Microsoft used AI in his installation software. Is it AI used in this task? Will use of GPU resource provide me enough resources to make it faster? Or maybe it is optimal for future quantum computers?

@ypercubeᵀᴹ voted

From the same awesome user that advises that the only viable way to uninstall a Microsoft product is to reinstall Windows.

10:55 AM

What AI stands for?

@McNets Artificial Intelligence I'd guess

@TomV on a sql server instalation?

@McNets I don't know what that user is smoking sometimes

but he should be sharing some

@TomV I agree.

SQL Server installation is slow for now because it uses AI and is already optimized for future quantum computers

11:09 AM

@TomV and it finally will replace DBA's and developers

11:28 AM

@McNets Didn't they claim that with like SQL 2000? I'm still waiting to be replaced ;)

@SimonRigharts I hope I can receive my retirement.

@McNets I should, a mere 17 years to go

@gbn 10 for me

if nothing change !!!

12:11 PM

@JoeObbish sounds like your latch subsystem is slow

2 hours later…

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

2:01 PM

@McNets Wasn't the cloud supposed to do that?

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

user image

8

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft I believe Cloud still needs DBA's

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

... but... but... magic cloud... but..

Maybe this is the reason my phone is 5 years old... hype just doesn't do it for me, I need concrete and solid reasons.

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft I thought it was because of microsoft phones....not much luck there

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@Lamak you know, I actually liked and used them. I don't need 5 billion flashlight apps, or apps that make my face a cat. I need email, text, and gps.

2:09 PM

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft I liked them too...that's why I'm bitter about it

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@Lamak That makes two of us

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft But could it run 16 SQL server instances like @PaulWhite's?

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells Hahaha, depends on what your SLAs are ;)

It's like when people oversubscribe their hosts... oh it runs 112 instances of SQL Server, but does it run them well?

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Don't know. I've never seen a TPC-C benchmark for SQL Server running on a phone.

I sense a blog post coming on.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells HAHAHAHA if we're using phones for that type of workload (TPC-C and H are specific workload types) then we have bigger issues

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

2:12 PM

For science ...

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

of course.

a cluster of phones then ;)

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft @MaxVernon was also a fan IIRC

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

would you need... as one might say.. a plethora of phones?

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

A clustered middle tier?

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

2:13 PM

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells also made of phones?

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

I wonder if you could do iSCSI over wifi for clustered block storage to phones?

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft as many as a balloon can carry, so we can claim it's really in the clouds

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@ypercubeᵀᴹ LMFAO

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

@ypercubeᵀᴹ Or a European Swallow

Or maybe just put it in a room with a bunch of stoners.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

user image

2:15 PM

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells you mean the bird?

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

@ypercubeᵀᴹ Yes.

Arguably faster than an African Swallow, but that's a matter of opinion.

Apparently they can both carry a coconut, so a phone should be no problem.

I had a client with pigeons. We built a transmission system for the arrivals of birds in pigeon races. He was considering adding chips on the birds to keep track of them during flight. It was a bit heavy at that point.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells I dunno, I've seen some crazy cases on those iphones with triple batteries

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Golly. That might last even a couple of hours.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

LOL, well to be fair, those face tracking and changing selfies aren't going to create themselves... yet...

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

2:19 PM

Thank heaven for small mercies.

2:34 PM

@JamesL so many jokers in here...

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

Informal Poll: What do you least like about using XE?

5

@Lamak menitras

@billinkc *mentiras

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft three

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Do I have to limit myself to just one thing?

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

2:47 PM

@JoeObbish I guess not?

Just looking to see what people don't like about using it

Database people: clarifying the rules on informal polls since xxxx

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

LOL

@PaulWhite I need to understand the rules of the system

I'm sure you can relate

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@JoeObbish "I make my own rules"

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Consuming the results.

(lack of real documentation a close second)

2:49 PM

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft I don't find it very intuitive, even after studying Jonathan Kehayias' courses over on Pluralsight.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@PaulWhite Automated consuming or no good IDE?

@hot2use Which part - finding events? Settng up targets? etc?

But my 0th favourite thing about XE would be explaining why I don't like XE more than I do.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@PaulWhite Well played sir, well played.

@PaulWhite bamm

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft the dialog for setting up everything

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft IDE more often than not. Even with the brand new things, one of which I haven't even tried yet (XE Profiler)

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

2:51 PM

@PaulWhite Don't worry, we'll change it every month to make sure it always pisses you off.

I envy everybody that was able to it in SQL 2008 R2 the hard way

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@hot2use The wizard/dialog is confusing then.

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft the descriptions within XE are terrible

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft I delayed learning XE so I could learn XML. It didn't seem useful enough without being able to shred the files.

many are missing or inappropriately copy and pasted

2:51 PM

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft I would be disappointed if you didn't :)

also, is there anything good about .XEL files?

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft sort of yeah

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@JoeObbish If you could give me the ones you believe this to be the case.... I can submit something.

@hot2use There were only four people.

But I do like XE. I'v stopped using SQL Profiler in favour of XE

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

2:52 PM

@PaulWhite I mean .. we just had that phones discussion, have to roll out updates to enterprise class software as if it were an app on a phone. Just saying.

Yep.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

It's what kids these days want. Now if we could only make SQL Server help them with dog face selfies...

@JoeObbish Are those the ones you can open in SSMS and get a sort-of-useful quick view without writing xml?

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Don't even joke about it

@PaulWhite yes, but you're being generous with that description

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft recently I've been using lock_acquired

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

@PaulWhite Just think about all the CPU licensing you get for running AI on your database server.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

2:54 PM

Tangent: I watched 7 women... women... sit at a round table together and not say a single word to each other. They group chatted on their phones the whole time. I was flabbergasted.

@JoeObbish I know. I used to hate XE with a passion. These days it only mildly depresses me.

the duration event has the wrong description

talks abut cancelled locks

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@JoeObbish Let me take a look at that one.

many descriptions are missing

there are events called resource_0, resource_1, resource_2

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@PaulWhite Putting in the feature request right meow...

2:55 PM

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft We are doomed as a special

resource_0 and resource_2 are only documented for OBJECT type locks

resource_1 isn't explained at all

so what does all of that mean for a HOBT lock?

there are three numbers there

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Goodness me Sean, we have kicked people out of here for less.

it's like I need a decoder ring

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@JoeObbish You didn't get one at the bottom of your digital download?

@PaulWhite I like to think I walk a fine line between insanity and insanity

@JoeObbish Noted

XE is a lot more Kool and the Gang than it used to be, but I still can't be bothered with it most of the time.

2:57 PM

got an example right here for an HOBT lock

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@PaulWhite So if an IDE... say... cut up everything for you and made it drag and drop easy, that'd be nice?

Old Profiler is a PITA but it's a PITA I have grown to tolerate

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@JoeObbish Well... is it a heap or a b-tree? Can it be thought of as both and neither at the same time? Shrodingers heap?

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Mate, the Watch Live Data was your one chance with me at getting that right

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft how can I know?

the associated object id does not exist

2:58 PM

And if I see one more preview feature in SSMS...

resource_0 = 22669, resource_1 = 256, and resource_2 = 3

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@PaulWhite Sean slinks back, quietly hushing himself

I assume that someone knows what to do with that, but I certainly don't

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@JoeObbish That's a great example, I do appreciate it :)

@JoeObbish Do you have a magic 8 ball?

2:59 PM

resource_0 seems to be the only one that changes...

@PaulWhite ask again later

@Lamak my kingdom for a Lumia 950 XL.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

It's the SQL Server Mini-Quest inside the engine... you've found it!

@JoeObbish nicely done

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft I'm not actually as grumpy about it as I might sound. But you always run a risk when asking for feedback, even informally :)

Watch Live Data seriously annoys me though.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@PaulWhite I love the feedback, I don't get my underwear in a bunch when I ask for honest feedback and people give it to me. It's quite refreshing.

I didn't use XE for a long time

but I feel obligated to use them because of how powerful they are

3:02 PM

TIL: Sean's underwear is quite refreshing.

3

most of the time if there's any other option I'll do that instead

part of it's not wanting to deal with the XML, as others have said

Yeah that's a fair summary.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@PaulWhite LMFAO

@JoeObbish That's a super common theme and currently #1 on my list

do not replace it with json

I imagine that you guys could create some kind of special TVF with dynamic columns

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

3:03 PM

nobody like cutting up XML in SQL Server and TBQFH I can't blame them

you pass in the XE session name or whatever

and a time range

@MikaelEriksson likes it

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

<--- I abhor both XML and JSON

and it gives you one column per field

there shouldn't be any parsing involved imo

I imagine XE and DMVs are two of the main reasons people pay for monitoring software

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

3:04 PM

@JoeObbish I like this, probably wouldn't be performant but I like it. CLR usage ok?

well it could be a stored procedure, or anything really

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft as in, you guys using CLR behind the scenes like with the newer time zone stuff? I thought we didn't have a choice when it comes to that

Not in the cloud, anyway

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

XML: "... and you thought legal documents had extra words in them!"
JSON: "I tried to be like lisp but without the parenthesis"

now that I think about it, someone in the community could create such a stored procedure

Nice

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

3:06 PM

@PaulWhite Yeah putting CLR in and them ripping i tout.. not a great idea.

don't even need MSFT for this

huh

someone should do this

Returning data with variable columns is pretty much impossible though?

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

I agree phew passed the buck on that one

@PaulWhite I don't think so, but I haven't tried it

you could create a temp table with the right column names

then the result set you return is SELECT * from temp table

right?

@sp_BlitzErik hey buddy, want to help out the community?

2

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

After you look at the session definition, grab the events, grab the columns for the vents, grab the globals, etc.

3:08 PM

hm I guess so

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft So? It's not like any other solutions are good

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@sp_BlitzErik loves scripting, I heard he loves it more than his children...

@JoeObbish didn't say it was bad! Just thinking with my fingers... don't take that out of context.

I'd do it but I suck with XML

I wondered earlier if Joe Sack plays tennis. I would pay good money to see Joe Sack vs Jack Sock.

what have i stepped into

3:09 PM

A whole Heap of nonsense

@sp_BlitzErik so you're agreeing to do it? how wonderful

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@PaulWhite I see what you did there...

@sp_BlitzErik hmm, does it smell?

@JoeObbish oi'd do anyfing! ANYFING! for you!

I thought CLR was a big NO-NO due to spectre and meltdown

@PaulWhite so the norm

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

3:10 PM

@hot2use So those issues at the cpu level affect everyone... to a point.

i love norm

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

CLR is just a way to getting to it

i'm gonna go watch cheers and cry later

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

At least everyone knows your name

@hot2use Certainly killed it in the cloud

3:11 PM

hey why is this nonsense

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft i like it

we just fixed XE

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft :-)

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@sp_BlitzErik We've already established that you're quite insane.

You don't have to make a stronger case

;)

I have to admit, I was trying to use PowerShell yesterday to convert an .xel file to a system XML document, to see if that would help parsing

3:12 PM

lol

Got a question going on Secuirty.SE (regarding spectre/meltdown) if anybody would like to write an opinion:

2

Q: Will patching a higher layer protect against the spectre/meltdown vulnerability in a lower layer?

The question I am about to ask is similar to the following question: Do I need to patch Linux for Meltdown/Spectre if the hypervisor has been patched, and I trust the guest? However, I would like to take the question a bit further or a bit deeper. Consider the following environment, where a U...

patching meltdown spectre side-channel

using powershell to make things easier

who is this jr dba

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@JoeObbish so like this but more generic? docs.microsoft.com/en-us/sql/relational-databases/…

or you're saying more consumable as it strips out the xe specific stuff and just gives back a table with data?

@sp_BlitzErik adding more technology layers always makes things betterer

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft no

less generic

3:15 PM

@PaulWhite "highly efficient middleware"

that thing sucks too

event_data nvarchar(max) The event contents, in XML format. Is not nullable.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

gotcha

I want one column per field

not XML stored in nvarchar(max) format

how dare you

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

oh I dared... I dared...

I wonder why you guys didn't use the xml data type

3:15 PM

the real drag about xe is WHAT THE HELL IS DURATION

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@sp_BlitzErik parsecs

planck lengths i heard

The best thing MS could do with XE is use a time ship to go back to the first release, and ship a complete (and back-compat) Profiler replacement, with the better performance, and more useful events. That would have killed Profiler right there.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@PaulWhite Amen.

that's not the microsoft way

3:17 PM

@sp_BlitzErik Mate we don't even know what UDF CPU duration is

@JoeObbish It's One, Microsoft Way :)

@PaulWhite did you like my blog post?

@sp_BlitzErik I liked it. On twitter. What more liking do you want from me?

@PaulWhite Are you interested in queries where TF 176 doesn't prevent persisted computed column expansion?

@JoeObbish Sure why not

@PaulWhite Well, is it expected?

Right now the query is very classified, but I might be able to come up with a repro

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

3:19 PM

SELECT 'Very classified'

and for my oracle friends... Select 'Very Classified' FROM Dual

@JoeObbish Is what expected? 176 not preventing persisted cc expansion in line with the thing I wrote? No, not expected, hence interest.

@PaulWhite ok, I will do my best

But I haven't regression-tested the whole thing on each new CU since then, so.

just wanted clarification

Of course I'd really like a documented hint.

3:21 PM

seems like the perfect thing for a use hint

But I've wanted one for parallel plans for years and look where that's got me

I'm really disappointed that they didn't expand use hints

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@PaulWhite ... and on the 2172362th CU it was proclaimed, "We'll have none of those!"

even NOEXPAND (column)

after 2016 SP1 I thought that MSFT finally trusted us

and then all of the new use hints aren't documented

Thanks Sean

3:23 PM

They trust us like we trust them

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@JoeObbish You're welcome, I do what I can.

although

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

/brushes off shoulder

anyone can edit books online now, right?

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@JoeObbish No comment.

3:24 PM

this is great

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

You can put in a pull request

want to use a trace flag? add it to books online. now it's "documented"

what could go wrong

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@JoeObbish That's precisely it.

If there was a button that said "Press me and your server will blow up"... someone would still press it, even if labelled and with warnings.

@PaulWhite air guitar

@sp_BlitzErik done

3:26 PM

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft some people just want to watch the servers burn

I like the undocumented SCOPED CONFIGURATION entries.

I always press blow up buttons....

DO NOT PRESS THIS BUTTON

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

Can't take you lot anywhere...

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft I'd press it

3:27 PM

PLEASE DO NOT PRESS THIS BUTTON AGAIN

azquotes.com/quote/355993

@PaulWhite Have a source?

DISABLE_BATCH_MODE_ADAPTIVE_JOINS
DISABLE_INTERLEAVED_EXECUTION_TVF
DISABLE_BATCH_MODE_MEMORY_GRANT_FEEDBACK

thanks

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@JoeObbish I have no doubts ;)

Mikael Eriksson

@PaulWhite the exception that proves the rule

3:42 PM

heh maybe

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@PaulWhite These aren't documented?

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft No, nor supported.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

specifically from here, correct: docs.microsoft.com/en-us/sql/t-sql/statements/…

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft That would be the page, yes. I did ask if those options should be there, and was told "no".

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@PaulWhite Gotcha, who said that (I'm just wondering, you don't have to say)? some of the undocumented ones... yeah I can see why they are undocumented.

4:06 PM

→ 31 messages moved to Trash

Thanks

4:25 PM

so uh

what'd i miss

is xe fixed

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@sp_BlitzErik Yes, but just for you. Broken for all else...

that's all i need

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

QQ: How do I start a chat with a user on here? I'm fairly obtuse...

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Must Microsoft workers add -Microsoft sufix to the user name? dba.stackexchange.com/users/126936/david-browne-microsoft

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft create a new room and invite the user by mentioning him.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@McNets No, but I stole it from David. Mostly I do it now because 1) it's easy to identify that I work @ MS so I don't have to constantly say "be warned, I work for Micro$oft". 2) I was answering source code related questions and I couldn't find a good way of saying I work for ms and have source access without making it seem like I was giving away secrets...

@McNets Awesome let me try it! I'm such a n00b with this site.

4:33 PM

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft If you add a lot of comments to some question, the room will be created automaticaly

I'm going to do it too.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

I just tried, adding you, and it didn't work?

I'll be Evan Carroll - Microsoft

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@EvanCarroll We'd hire you, but you'd keep naming everything pg_*

and you'd have to give your real name... Peter...

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft try it by mentioning me @McNets

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

4:35 PM

@McNets just did... nothing?

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft nope, no notification till now

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

WTF

I know I'm doing something wrong...

hey wait, let me check SO

no

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Peter? Seriously that wasn't even the cool guy in the story.

I should at least get to be Jesus.

Peter just ran his mouth and got crucified by Cesar.

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft dba.meta.stackexchange.com/a/2537/110455

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

4:39 PM

Yeah I am trying ot serach for the user now

ugh

I search: no users

@EvanCarroll I bow to your wisdom on this, I don't know the stories. The gist of what is know is someone was born and someone died.

chat.stackexchange.com/users/171818/sean-gallardy-microsoft

Yes, I've opened it from the chat room

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

What is the data dictionary view with the text of stored procedure definitions?

sys.sql_modules?

4:57 PM

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft and someone raised form the dead?

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@ypercubeᵀᴹ I wasn't there, I didn't take their vitals. Can't say for sure...

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