...as of Sunday, 24,701 out of 30,687 comments contained the word "the". That means there were just under 6,000 comments that did not contain the word "the".
My best friend is 9 years older than me. She has alot of experience. She is kind and caring. She is our class representative in medical university. she is married and this makes people be comfortable with her. Specially boys.
Everybody likes her and feel respected for her. She is a good leader an...
I don't know if I can elaborate this further than what is in the title. I'm a person with a particular visible disability. I don't know if this factor matters, but I guess this might add some background to the question. I'm a recognized engineer in a world class company. I have a wide circle of f...
I dunno, gaslighting is something between two people... I wouldn't call it an Interpersonal Skill though...
It's like Ælis said, it's not really answerable until OP shows that a.) they understand what gaslighting is and b.) describes their own behaviour more closely, like comments ask them to do.
If this were a more general "What is gaslighting?", then fine. Given that gaslighting is malicious in nature, I think it's kinda tricky to do it by accident, so the first question is moot, or only answerable by stating the definition.
@M.A.R.ಠ_ಠ Made me consider the following: Is entirely avoiding intra personal interactions (to an extreme, not even leaving prints) an intrapersonal skill?
I was actually considering answering this question, starting with the definition of gaslighting and explaining how it's not applicable to his behaviour, but could be to his friend abusing their partner.... (but wasn't able to word it decently yet). So is it really not answerable?
Looking at it the same way as questions about etiquette: If someone read something about a certain etiquette rule and now asks if he broke it in a somewhat vague situation then it's true that more details could be useful, but a perfectly valid answer just explains how that etiquette should be followed (or ignored). Or am I seeing this wrong?
@Imus Well, the question is pretty clear: They want to detect when they're gaslighting. They're not really asking what gaslighting is or how it should be done (or not). It's slightly different to me...
Though I must admit I wrote a similar answer once on a specific theory
@Imus the part about his friend is rather vague. The abuse could be anything.
@Tinkeringbell fair enough. My first impression from the question is that OP is wrong in his definition for gaslighting. So then the question becomes, do you answer the question as is, and be completely useless to the OP, or do you interpret the underlying question, and provide an answer the OP can use?
Well I think lack of selfsteem makes me feel jeleous of the people around me... even my best friend
I really need to give myself the love I give others.
Any advice?
@Imus here's the Q&A pair I was thinking of: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/12149/1599. But at least, there OP showed what they thought about the Social Penetration Theory, how they understood it.
@JAD I think so, yes.
Put on hold as unclear. Sorry Imus, your answer shall have to wait a bit, until OP clarifies their understanding of the term gaslighting.
But if they do, the approach you were thinking of taking for an answer could turn out quite well :)
The conversation about the gaslighting question got me thinking. It seems like there is agreement that the question would be good and on topic if the OP explains what their understanding of gaslighting is and also what they've done that they think may be gaslighting.
On the other hand, the help center specifically refers to questions that ask us to adjudicate “right” and “wrong” in a situation or whether something is rude/racist/sexist/[insert other discriminatory terms].
To me, these two sound quite similar
"Is this rude" vs "Am I gaslighting my friend"
It seems that the key difference may be that the gaslighting question is specifically asking about the OPs own behavior
That's true. And the gaslighting might fall under that a bit too if phrased like that. But this is specifically about detecting if you're gaslighting, and I think that may work a bit better than 'Am I gaslighting'. It could be steered toward 'Did I understand gaslighting correctly', like the Social Penetration Theory question.
And yeah, the part that's it's specifically asking about own behaviour helps a lot too
@Rainbacon To me your comparison doesn't stand. It's like comparing "Is this rude" vs "Am I currently clapping my hands". "Is this rude" isn't about fact, the other question however is
@Ælis I see where you are coming from in that rudeness is not a specific behavior, but rather a meta classification of a set of behaviors. But I don't think that invalidates the comparison. Both questions boil down to "Here is a behavior I have seen/done, is it insert bad thing here>
1.) Wait if OP makes the effort of adding what they understand as gaslighting, and a bit more details about what they did that makes them think they were gaslighting, then see if it can be turned into something similar as the SPT question, or maybe even something similar as my street vendor question....
@Ælis :P Well, chat is quite busy discussing this particular question, and often such things are better moved to meta at some point, so other people than just chat regulars can have a little say too ;)
Hum, I guess I see your point (even though people who aren't chat regulars can write the meta themselves), but don't count on me to write said meta (partially because I wouldn't know what to say)
I see the gaslighting question more like an "I recently heard about cursing. I believe I curse a lot but can't tell myself, how can I recognise that/when I'm cursing?"
Hehehe I don't think I won't turn it into one either, because I favor point 1: Wait until OP adds more information, then decide how to turn it into something on topic.
similar reasoning can be applied: ask me what I believe is "cursing", what I have done (only I don't really know since I don't recognise it as cursing myself)
@Rainbacon To argue in Tinks favor of meta question: The better question is: how many people here would read back the entire chat that they missed while asleep/off for a day/...
@Sid It will depend on what you actually put in the question. If you are afraid to hurt them, have them get mad at you when you will ask them, then it's one topic. If you want to ask them to stop calling so often but they are doing it anyway, it's one topic. If you are not afraid to tell them "please don't worry" but they do still worry, it might be off-topic
@Sid "How to communicate/demonstrate to my parent that they don't need to worry about me" might work
If you aren't sure about your question, the best solution is to write it in the Sandbox
What is the Sandbox?
This "Sandbox" is a place where InterpersonalSkills.SE users can get feedback on prospective questions they wish to post. This is useful because writing a clear and fully specified question on the first try can be difficult. There is a much better chance of your question bei...
In my defense, I don't believe that I crossed any lines, but I did post a comment so large that it had to be posted as 3 separate comments (I try to avoid splitting when I can)
@Rainbacon It's really annoying not having the bot :/ I'm glad you checked on that post and see the comment, I wouldn't want this user (or any user, really) to think that we are ignoring them
@Rainbacon I really think all of you did all you could. The user is clearly not wanting to provide any details, so there's not much left to do. Continuing to try to convince them they should will probably only make them more upset.
@Ælis anyone know what happened? Were they sad that they were ignored most of the time? Their vigilance always underapreciated? Forced into early retirement despite working for free, or did they finally get promoted to an actually paying job instead?
@JAD That's for discovering bad questions that didn't make it into the review queues yet. Not for finding comments ... such a newbie \s
@Imus Their boss (box :p ) died. We try to find a replacement to both comment bot until they get a new boss (box) but the candidates are doing a terrible job at it (they don't work most of the time)
@JAD Don't play with me, this is a sensitive subject :'(
@avazula it doesn't look like it's running right now?
what I mean is, main bot is handy too, but I still feel like I can count on people to flag stuff that needs looked at. meta comments, on the other hand, I usually still want to see, but nobody will be flagging unless it's really rude
so basically I leave the recent meta posts open and check in on them periodically :P
My neighbor and I share a lawn. It isn't clear where the property line is without looking it up in an official resource since there are no physical barriers between us. His house is quite a bit nicer than mine. We have had a few pleasant interactions but certainly are not well acquainted. He move...
@Rainbacon EmC rep has been stuck at 9998 for more than 3 days. This is really making me sad, I'm glad you choose to share your nice rep number with me #tooSerious :p
Man it's annoying doing dev work this week. I'm working on building an admin portal (which for some reason is a separate application) for the site we are building. There is only one account set up currently for testing all of the ancillary systems we have (CMS, admin, etc) for this specific site. The mandate is that all environments of all software use 2 factor authentication with a phone.
The one test account we have is set up to someone else's phone (he's halfway across the country from me), so every time my session expires in the test site, I have to ping him on slack to get the MFA code.
The most ridiculous thing, is that authentication is not set up to work at all with localhost
So I can't even debug this thing when it's running on my own machine
I've been pestering people to get all of the developers access to these sites with our logins (the whole thing runs through the company's active directory) but so far no dice
I don't have anything decent to read. I'm trying to find a book where: 1) The main character is a woman (or not a cisgender guy) and 2) There isn't a love story between the main character and a guy (deep friendship is fine, complex love story isn't). But it currently seems impossible ><
user15026
@Ælis Oh, I can likely recommend many thigns
user15026
What sort of story?
user15026
(also, are non-hetero love stories, even as background things, acceptable)
@Ash (I also want to read it in French but start recommending things and I will see if it has been translated or not)
user15026
A Long Way to a Small Angry Planet has a love story in kinda but it's not about that - it's the first in a series and they're REALLY good. Seanan McGuire's Incryptid books (starts with Discount Armageddon) are fun, as are her October Daye books (starts with Rosemary and Rue).
user15026
Nnedi Okorafor's Binti books are short novellas and they're great, as are her Akata Witch books.
@Ash I'm not a huge fan of short novellas, I find them too short ^^ But "A Long Way to a Small Angry Planet" is available in French and I might like it, thanks for the recommendation :D (I will also take a look at the others, I just need more time to find them in French)
user15026
7:20 PM
Cool beans. I read a lot and I read a decent variety of things so I am always up for recommending books to people :)
All in all, I think it's a bit hard to find something that'd meet all the three criteria of 1) not love-centric 2) not dark, and 3) no stereotypical straight male main protagonist
During my work, I had gained a very bad habit of focusing on what others are saying and see for behaviors. Background into this comes from getting fired from a job for some reason, so checking for behaviors or watching out if someone likes and appreciates my work, or if someone is talking about m...