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12:13 AM
0
Q: How do you overcome communication aversion?

CuriouslyI am interested in exercises or helpers in lowering the aversion of communicating by diminishing the overthinking/fears connected with this. Examples of this type of aversion might be not answering emails/texts in time or phone calls because of feeling blocked and not knowing how to express what ...

 
12:32 AM
@ExtrovertedMainMan hmm, that's going to need some workshopping
 
 
5 hours later…
5:37 AM
@Tinkeringbell Its marked in my calendar! ;) You can never have enough nitpick skills :D
But with great nitpicking comes great responsibility :'D
Morning everyone :)
 
 
2 hours later…
7:48 AM
Hello everyone! :)
 
sleepy wave
 
8:09 AM
Good morning finds an extra blanket
 
8:21 AM
Looks at chat and sleeps again
 
8:42 AM
@NogShine haha. It's true it's quiet today
 
When I look at @EmC , I will be reminded of a video. :D
and when looks at @Tink , a Hindi song "Sochta hoon ke ve kitne masoom the kya se kya ban gaye dekhte dekhte" ;-) cc @AJ
Meaning :"I think that she was so innocent but in no time she has become from what to what"
in The Screening Room, Dec 12 '17 at 10:39, by Tinkeringbell
@NogShine Hmmm... ;) But meta is scary! :P
Now she wields a hammer now.
 
@NogShine I still have very few questions out on meta ;)
 
A J
@Tinkeringbell I guess most of your rep comes from your answers to contests.
 
Yep. But the CoC feedback also did a lot.
 
A J
And catija's welcome post.
 
8:56 AM
I got dv for welcoming posts
 
A J
I got DVs for that gif. ;)
 
gifs are lub <3
 
 
2 hours later…
10:52 AM
While I agree with the core of your answer, I would advise against doing the song and dance (taking the selfie and acting frustrated). It's very easy for this to come across as forced or disingenuous, which will lead to distrusting the person and thus refusing the favor.taking out your phone with the camera app open is fine, but don't stage the selfie attempt as it's needless acting which ends up counterproductive when its artificial nature is revealed. — Flater 1 min ago
#3803 Flater (5421 rep) | A: How could I ask a stranger to take a photo of me while traveling? (score: 11) | posted 454 days ago by Steve Bennett (484 rep) | Toxicity 0.19850649 | Comment on inactive post | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]
 
11:16 AM
@IPSCommentBot tp
 
Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps
 
Huh, someone apparently decided to go and DV all my answers XD
I'm famous o/
 
11:37 AM
@avazula Usually that gets reverted ;) If it's still there tomorrow, feel free to ask us to take a look ;)
 
@Tinkeringbell I know :) I don't care about the points, I'm just trying not to be sad that someone doesn't like me (my biggest challenge in life ...)
 
@avazula Don't worry too much about it ;) That's all the advice I can give :P
 
@Tinkeringbell haha, thanks :) I hope you're doing well :)
 
And in real life never waste too much of your energy on people that have made it clear they don't like you ;)
 
12:00 PM
I think there is a lot of good advice in this answer, but I would reconsider the use of words like 'weird' and 'silly'. There is a risk that the tone that is set now for characterising the dementia may stick and a lifetime of it being weird and silly can set up additional barriers and even subconscious thoughts in people that she could be 'better' if she just stopped being silly. — Spagirl 1 min ago
#20247 Spagirl (12468 rep) | A: How to announce to our relatives that our daughter has dementia? (score: 3) | posted 20 hours ago by Imus (3213 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Aserre (133 rep) | Toxicity 0.5179387 | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["chatty-no-doubt(@Noon)", "chatty"]
 
@IPSCommentBot fp
 
Marked this comment as caught incorrectly (fp) Currently marked 0tps/1fps
 
So, part two of the annoying dog tale is on pets: pets.stackexchange.com/q/22110/11575
 
@Tinkeringbell Erh. Wishing you luck for this one.
I don't think it's gonna be easy to make him get away
 
Thanks. The answers I got here so far focused a lot on handling the dog, so perhaps that's going to work better than trying to salvage a conversation :/
 
12:09 PM
@Tinkeringbell a lot of a dog's personality reflects the humans around him
or her
IDK how to get a dog to ignore me though
I'm like one of those disney princesses.
 
True. And I know that if I stay calm, usually a dog will stay calm too, and we can play. But I don't want to play on Saturday morning when I'm wearing fresh clothes :P
 
Plot twist: @JourneymanGeek is Cinderella.
2
 
The only thing my disney princess powers seem good for is mosquitos
 
@Mithrandir I think the worst I've gotten was one that barked at me...
then about 10 minutes later decided I was its best friend.
 
@Mithrandir Well that explains the blond hair ...
 
 
2 hours later…
1:52 PM
-1
Q: Tell me **exactly** what is wrong with this Answer? Again

Johns-305I have another answer that was wrongly deleted with no explanation or opportunity to address. How to finish a date gracefully? I want to now exactly what wrong with this Answer and why it was deleted. I would also like the baseless accusation in the comments addressed.

 
JAD
2:03 PM
> "I have to go, my dog/iguana has been sick and I want to check on him/her. It was nice meeting you."

If you have a problem telling a white lie,
Isn't the idea of a white lie that the person that's beind lied to doesn't realise it is a lie?
 
2:30 PM
they are bending the rules of lying, sounds like
the idea of a lie in general is the person being lied to shouldn't realise it's a lie :P
 
Als je dit bordje ziet wees dan extra voorzichtig : de fiets(t)er is doof of slechthorend. Doe je mee aan een RT zodat vele mensen dit herkennen ? Floor zou daar heel blij mee zijn.
This is pretty cool.. apparently there's now signs over here to indicate deaf people riding bikes.
Does that count as non-verbal communication? :P
 
Cool!
That seems pretty helpful; they will not hear you honk after all.
@Tinkeringbell yes :P
 
@doppelgreener Yeah. Or even just hear you approaching. I recently took a short bike ride through town wearing headphones, and I forgot to take them of noise cancelling. I'm sad to say I was a liability at that time :(
 
Oh dear!
 
Only ride with things in/on your ears out on the trails...
 
2:44 PM
Yeah. It was... strange to realise how often I rely on sound just to get my bearings ;)
 
Today I'm experiencing the best piece of software I ever had to work with... My company developed its own social network and I'm currently trying to write a post to inform my co-workers abroad of the launching of a new integration platform. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY but every single time I'm typing a character on my keyboard, the text cursor goes back to the last punctuation mark. crying in silence
 
o_o
 
@Mithrandir I cycled to school with music on an mp3 player for years. It shouldn't be a problem, as long as you make it softer than your bike bell will ring ;)
It's the noise cancelling I forgot about in this case :P
 
I don't have a bell :P
 
@avazula 0.o Oh no! Perhaps write in notepad, then copy-paste? :P
 
2:46 PM
Oh okay, silly me, it's because I haven't using that darn social network in Internet Explorer T_T
(My company's internal softwares are all developed under IE and they handled only IE ...)
 
Yuck.
 
@avazula That sounds like a company I know :P I have to open almost everying in IE or Edge too ;)
 
@Tinkeringbell Who does that :'( they really must hate their employees, that's literal torture :p
 
JAD
@Mithrandir I always have my headphones on when cycling :o
 
@avazula Big companies ;)
 
2:54 PM
What kind of cycling?
 
Hi @TheTinyMan! You haven't spoken for a long time, how's life?
 
JAD
But I think the Dutch have some different views on safety on bikes, especially in the city
commute basically
@avazula you'd say there are frameworks for that sorta thing
 
@Tinkeringbell Hiya! It has been a while, hasn't it? It's been pretty good! Busy and stuff, both and work and at home. :-) How about for you?
 
JAD
@doppelgreener Heh, reminds me of a dutch saying that might be a little insensitive in this context
 
The few times I've poked my head in here while I had some attention to spare for chatting it's mostly been dead xD Then my tab didn't want to reload, and man, closing the tab and re-opening it (or rebooting my computer overnight) sounded like sooo much work! :o
 
2:56 PM
@TheTinyMan Did you at least transcripts while lurking here? :P I've got a co-worker to deal with, but for the rest everything is fine!
 
@Tinkeringbell I did not, no. Is this more "fun" than the political co-workers?
 
@TheTinyMan This one is... hard to deal with ;) Just another 8 days though, then I'm rid of him ;)
 
That's good! What does he do? :o If you feel like talking about it of course.
 
Heh. If the room wants to listen to it again? :P
 
That, too. ;-)
 
2:59 PM
i don't mind :)
 
Stuff starts here: https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/19801/1599. He's still doing that a lot, and he's done some other stuff too since, like merging one of my merge requests then adding his own changes on top of that because I didn't want to add dead code to the codebase.

Now we've reached the point where there's a load of managers involved, and I've had to promise not to use SE anymore (his reasoning was something like 'if there's no q&a's about magik there, you have no business there, best practices/patterns/solutions that apply to java don't apply to magik so I don't want you on
So today I'm kinda cheating by working from home :P
 
@Tinkeringbell Wow, I didn't realize he was preventing you from browsing SE o_o
 
@avazula Thought I mentioned it already?
Okay. That conversation went something like this:
 
@Tinkeringbell Probably, I just have missed it
 
Woooow. That really sucks.
Oh! I think I did see this question before
 
3:05 PM
I refused to add dead code, I emailed another senior dev to confirm that. I also linked an SE post explaining dead code and bad idea in the mail.

Co-worker knows I am an SE mod, I mentioned it when he asked my hobbies/interest/timekillers.

So when the day came that I blew up over that merging things, and flagged in a few managers, he tried to link that post to me being a mod and it thus being something I should keep for my free time...

We kinda decided to not make it a big deal, and just keep of SE. But that also means no more chatting while I'm waiting for things to start up etc. ;)
So I'm kinda always looking over my shoulder now, as last Friday he tried to blame me for errors in Production that I had nothing to do with...
 
Yeah. But you don't have to deal with him any more in 8 days?
 
I'm getting just a little paranoid ;)
 
Hoh boy :-(
He sounds awful
 
@TheTinyMan He's not a bad person, but I somehow think there's some age-gap that I can't bridge?
I even think my attempts so far might have left him feeling a bit threatened, hence his reactions back... but I don't know how to do it differently, I'm already dressing everything up as questions with loads of maybe's and perhapses and 'It's perfectly okay to do it this way, but I'd like to understand why's ....
 
That doesn't sound like an age-gap thing, that sounds like that's...I'm blanking on the term, there's a good term for this, but that sounds like there's someone who thinks that he's the only one who can get anything done and who knows the only valid path.
"Controlling" is the closest I'm coming up with but it doesn't quite cover it :-p
 
3:22 PM
We'll see. I got some resources from my manager on managing teams with generational differences. And even though I don't really have to manage, this looks promising on first sight, so perhaps I'll try some of it, try and see if it can make in difference in that last week :)
It can't hurt things a lot anymore :P
 
Sounds like as good a plan as any to me!
haha, yeah
So what happens after that? How is it that you get to escape him then?
 
@TheTinyMan Okay. I work for company A, outsourced to client B. Client B has teams C and D. I worked for C at the beginning of the year, but the budget for C ran out. Client B wanted to keep me working for them, so they temporarily (2,5 months) put me in team D. After January, I get to go back to either team C or to another, undefined team E :P
 
Gotcha :-)
That was easier to understand than it feels like it should have been xD
 
I think this is also the first time I manage to explain that entire construct clearly :P
 
Haha, maybe!
How goes things in the SE world? :o When you're able to be on of course.
 
Sid
3:27 PM
@Tinkeringbell Is the undefined Team E part of Client B?
(Also, sorry for barging in, like that)
 
@Sid Yes, that will still be for Client B :)
@Sid You're more than welcome :)
@TheTinyMan IPS is ... quiet... now that I no longer go through 30/40 new answers each evening fishing out the ones that need commenting/flagging ;) I also got invited to become a mod on MSE, but that's about just as quiet. Perhaps we need another Twitter scandal to get things to move there a bit? :P
 
Sorry for barging in like that
7
 
Asides from that, co-worker doesn't want me on SE, scroll up :) Manager wants me to keep it up though, he's really charmed, especially with the 'Interpersonal Skills' thing...
 
@Tinkeringbell I guess taking us off HNQ did the trick?
 
@TheTinyMan It certainly did something ;) Now I hope we can get some amazing answers without HNQ too :)
 
3:30 PM
@Tinkeringbell Haha, that's why I was asking, "when you're able to be on." xD It's awkward that you and your manager are giving into this guy's expectations. O.o
 
I think HNQ did two things: A lot of people chiming in, but sometimes people found questions they were able to leave amazingly detailed answers on. I kinda miss the latter, new, fresh faces that write great subjective answers ;) If I look at our latest questions, and the answers they got, answers seem to be getting shorter instead of more detailed/better explained/backed up. Might just be my feeling though ;)
@TheTinyMan Well, he's not the only manager involved ;) And while the manager on the client B side is quite neutral, this was the easiest way to 'quench' that complaint and get on with work ;)
 
JAD
@Tinkeringbell I'd imagine MSE to be very peaky indeed
 
Hmm, it does seem weird that coming off of HNQ would result in shorter answers. Fewer, maybe, but shorter ones? :o
 
@TheTinyMan Might just be me ;)
 
@Tinkeringbell Fair :-)
How've things been at home?
 
3:35 PM
@JAD It is. But so far, I think having moderators there has already proven to have a slight advantage a few times :)
 
Which one is MSE again?
 
@TheTinyMan meta.stackexchange
 
Ahhh, cool
 
@TheTinyMan My brother has an apartment, so we've been sanding/painting that one. He's again moving out sooner than me. I'm going to have to get in contact with a real estate agent sometime soon too, but I think I'll wait till after christmas/new year.
 
3:37 PM
"Again?" Has he moved out sooner than you before? :-p
 
dumps sand all over apartment, claims that I've sanded it
 
I want a real estate agent as they can apparently help you buy an apartment, they know of available ones before they generally hit the internet sites, so it's easier to get one and not hear 'it's already sold' whenever you react to an advertisement.
And over there?
@TheTinyMan Well, technically I was always first :P I moved out first when in university, moved back in after finishing that one. I must admit I wasn't really mature enough to live on my own anyways. But yeah, this will be the second time he moves out ;)
 
@Mithrandir but then things would be dirt-y!
 
@scohe001 or sand-y
 
I see that @Tinkeringbell has been complaining about things being slow. I think it's time to put operation flag all the old comments into play...
 
3:40 PM
Are you asking about my home life? Things have been going pretty well there. The place hasn't been falling apart as much lately. There was a fourth roommate who was dating the married couple that also live with me, but that kind of blew up, so she moved out a couple of weeks ago. :-P
 
@Mithrandir MUTINY!
 
@Mithrandir Keep it manageable!
 
could do that too, but we haven't scheduled it yet! :P
 
@avazula regardless, it'd be a real beach to have to clean it all up :p
 
@TheTinyMan Oh dear. Sounds like you've had your share of fun too.
 
3:42 PM
@Tinkeringbell Haha, I almost started dating her too, but her breakup with the others happened right around the same time we were considering it and I decided that that path would lead to too much strife and drama.
 
I think that's a wise decision ;)
 
Yeah :-P
 
Has that friend I saw on Facebook moved in too?
 
On the plus side I do have a second partner now! ... of course she's a 35 hour drive away. xD
I love it when message timing is that awkward. xD Nope, she definitely hasn't.
 
@TheTinyMan Ooof That's rough.
 
3:50 PM
She's talking about it but I want to be sure to hold that off for...some time.
She's relatively new to where she lives and doesn't really have any roots down or I'd feel bad about her moving across the country for me even then
 
I thought it would be better if she had roots :P If she's wanting to move despite them, it would more likely be love than something else?
 
@Tinkeringbell Personally I've felt worse when my partners move away from somewhere they have roots, than when they move somewhere they aren't really attached to.
 
Hmm. Strange. My suspicious mind would expect second motives when someone seems a bit too eager to move away from a place they aren't really attached to.
 
Ehh, I can understand your concern. And I admit that she went from 'curious' to 'enthusiastic' when I mentioned how little I charge people who live with me. :-P
 
@Tinkeringbell There's always secondary motives. I hope that my partners will be open and forthright with me about them. When I moved across the country my primary motivation was that I found a good job but part of the reason I was looking in that city was that a partner of mine was there.
 
4:01 PM
It does also help that this girl has a programming degree but never managed to break into the industry, and if she's living near me she has access to me as a local reference. xD
 
@sphennings Yeah, so having a job counts as attached. But now you looked for a job before moving, not moving without a job or family ;)
 
I guess it depends how "serious" things are with your partner when they move.
 
That's definitely true :)
And probably why waiting is a good idea too ;)
 
Yeah. I told her I was probably not going to be up for it until at least a year in. :-p
Although flying to visit her is gonna be expensive. :-P
 
Right now I'd happily cover my partner's expenses for a couple of months while they looked for work, if they wanted to move to the city without first securing a job. But I'm in the fortunate position of being able to make that work financially and having been dating them for 4 years.
 
4:29 PM
I'm the same way as @sphennings ... although I've been covering my current nesting partner's expenses for like two years while she looks for a job now. >.< Although she thinks she's got one now, pending a background check. Finally! xD
 
That would be awesome!
 
As it happens, it's a job my new partner helped HER get. xD
 
Hahaha that's still awesome ;)
 
@TheTinyMan That's pretty fortuitous. I hope it works out for them. :)
 
4:48 PM
@sphennings Thank you! :-) Me too, haha
 
 
4 hours later…
8:29 PM
@scohe001 I can't think of a better way to barge in.
 
Ash
8:39 PM
@scohe001 facedesk
 
Heh. @Sid had just said it above and I couldn't help but share the image I had in my head :p
 

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