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1:50 AM
Q: Should I tell someone I don't like being manipulated or just keep it to myself?

PanI need some advice on how to handle a situation... I am feeling manipulated and repulsed but I don't want to overreact so I thought I'd ask for advice here. So I struck up a friendship with a man (he's thirteen years older than me). It was only my intention for this to be a friendship and I think...

2:05 AM
Q: How to show appreciation to colleague

WormholeToNowhereI've started my first year in industry some months ago in a UK Software company. Since I'm pretty much a newbie I had to ask around for help. There is this guy that has been helping me a lot with work stuff but also with some other stuff not related to work (e.g. I've had some serious issues with...

2:22 AM
9 messages moved to Trash
2:37 AM
Got some weird feedback in a review today. Kind of like this scenario, except if I were the employee being complained about: askamanager.org/2009/06/… In both IRL and the scenario, my first thought is "you're the problem; you need to get more better" where "you" would be other people IRL, or the manager who is complaining in the scenario. Where do I go from there?
2:50 AM
@YetAnotherRandomUser hmm.. well from a workplace standpoint, knowing your audience and tailoring your speech appropriately is an important skill, but did they give you any specific examples?
I agree, and I have worked over the years to tailer such a skill. No examples, and aside from 1 problem-child int he office that everyone has issues with, I feel I have good rapport with the people I work with
@EmC I was able to ascertain that my boss is highly projective and whimsical, but it sounded like he was referring to complaints levvied against me.
huh, weird indeed! I guess I would start by asking for some examples then, if you're not sure why they're giving that feedback. (in a "hey, I would like to improve, can you help me" way, not a "prove it" way, of course :P)
Yeah, I did. None were given. :-/
oh, dang
and now I've been tasked with reading articles, watching videos, etc. Oh, and I have to go find some useful stuff to improve myself. No suggestions or directions given. #cantMakeThisUp
2:54 AM
what sort of communication do you have to do for your job? maybe you could observe how others do it?
or maybe, ask other people for feedback.. but of course if they don't think there's a problem that might not work :P
Short calls, emails, social media like posts to a project management platform. I'm a programmer working with design engineers, project managers, and sales people, and sometimes the client
seems like most of this SE and interpersonal.SE are "I'm a programmer and these other people are retarded because reasons....."
there do seem to be a lot of programmers here, probably because many of them find the network through SO
and the people asking questions are here to learn how to improve their people skills ;)
I'm a programmer too, fwiw :) started my current job ~5 months ago, definitely still feeling out how to talk to all the different types of people at my new place
The most problems show up regarding email. People complain about things that are too long, complicated, etc. But it's a technical discussion or summary.

After analyzing the source, the person complaining usually has atrocious, maybe just sometimes poor, literacy, or just bad reading/writing comprehension.

I strongly suspect it's a mechanism to cover for their own weakness, which they clearly are aware of. Kind of like the manager int hat article: he was clearly implying that his employee was smarter and mroe capable than him, but doing so in a way to garner sympathy from other "average
Also, this particular niche industry has few certifications, and they're not a very high bar, and the tech isn't that complicated either, and has somehow positioned itself into a construction mindset. Think commercial IoT type stuff for lack of a better term.
what I'm getting at is there isn't a high bar for entry and the hump of the bell curve is lower that usual and people don't right good
interestingly, this problem doesn't manifest when I communicate with clients, only with people at the company I work with, or people from similar companies
oh, I remember reading your question now
how to write shorter emails?
iirc that got removed
3:07 AM
this one, it's closed but iirc won't be deleted since upvoted answers
oh, well, removed... closed.... pretty close. I guess I remembered it wrong
the problem is, if I tell anyone that the herpaderf machine needs to crumpledump according to Budweiser D. Luffy's 3rd principal, well, then I'm an arrogant a-hole and talkign above people's heads
yeah, that sounds frustrating :/
personally I tend to err on the side of less details if I'm not sure how technical the person is I'm talking to, I figure if they need / want to know more they can ask
It still feeds the "It's too long troll. I had that after the table of contents by the way. — YetAnotherRandomUser 1 min ago
#18183 YetAnotherRandomUser (188 rep) | A: How to effectively communicate technical data/instructions without writing "too long" emails? (score: 5) | posted 99 days ago by Glurth (743 rep) | Toxicity 0.46589994 | Comment on inactive post | tps/fps: 0/0
2 hours later…
5:38 AM
Morning :)
+1 because I've been told exactly this before. There is nothing innately bad about saying that you prioritize reading and watching television over interacting with family members. But they are allowed to, and almost certainly will, react to your priorities. And in this situation, their reactions are unlikely to be positive.BasementJoe 59 secs ago
#20265 BasementJoe (124 rep) | A: How to explain that I rather do something else than go to a social event? (score: 5) | posted 30 hours ago by L.S. Cooper (161 rep) | Toxicity 0.19696833 | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["+1"]
@IPSCommentBot tp
Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps
5:55 AM
Q: Need help with co-worker interactions

Angie80 I would like some guidance in this arena. My boss is a pretty toxic individual toward me. She has treated me poorly in meetings such as laughing at a suggestion I made that was not in a joking manner, made judgements about me and perceptions that are not true, reprimanded me for no reason, treats...

6:44 AM
This is a good question. Right now its just a slightly bit off-topic. You might consider rephrasing this post into how handing over such a card to not come over as "too friendly" rather then asking if doing so is appropriate or if you should go for something else. as that's off-topic. Still I think IPS is the right place for asking this rather than workplace. — dhein 1 min ago
#20276 dhein (895 rep) | Q: How to show appreciation to colleague (score: 1) | posted 4 hours ago by WormholeToNowhere (6 rep) | Toxicity 0.2068662 | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic(@Noon)"]
@IPSCommentBot fp
Marked this comment as caught incorrectly (fp) Currently marked 0tps/1fps
@Noon: Hey :) How are u doing?
@dhein Hello :) I haven't buy all my Christmas gift yet but, otherwise, I'm fine. And you?
@Noon Haven't bought yet any at all. There is just 1 person I am considering giving a gift anyways, but just cause I feel like I might receive one and don't want to hurt her feelings. I am not really a friend of Christmas anymore, after having spent the past 3 years Christmas eve alone at home. But ignoring the season, I am fine too :)
6:59 AM
@dhein I understand why you would feel like that. Unfortunately, we have a huge Christmas tradition in my family and I'm suppose to find gifts for ~20 people ^^
7:35 AM
@Tinkeringbell hmm, yeah the apartment market is rough :(
@Noon I don't know in whoms skin I'd like to be more. :x I mean having a lot of family around in the first place is nice.... But sounds quite stressy... christmas eve being alone is.... frustrating.... but you couldn't think of anything more relaxed than that social stress wise ^^
7:50 AM
Here we don't celebrate Xmas with presents, those are given during Sinterklaas (5/12). So we are in the position that we don't celebrate Sinterklaas, but do celebrate Xmas with family. Best of both worlds :)
8:39 AM
Mornin' everyone
Where did Pseudohuman go? :o
maybe he's still asleep
I'm sad whenever they're not around to wave at me
@avazula ikr
@avazula 0/ :)
8:52 AM
@dhein ikr? What does that mean?
And o/ to you too :)
@avazula I know right
@avazula: yeah, ikr means just what JAD wrote. somewhat a confirmation. At least thats what I udnerstand and use it like
I thought of improving my old closed question and it was deleted by a moderator.
Runs to meta to vent out rage
9:07 AM
@dhein haaaaaaa. Makes sense now. I thought @JAD was also complaining about the fact that Pseudohuman's missing ...
9:25 AM
@avazula No actually that was me x)
By the way, pretty hat you have there @avazula x)
@dhein You too...? ^^
I can't see dhein's hat o_o
It's a secret hat. You should also earn it to see it.
9:34 AM
@avazula awwww how kind from you xP
3 hours later…
12:16 PM
13 messages moved to Trash
12:58 PM
@Mithrandir I really love your hat, I hope I will be able to earn it too!
Answer a question first, get it accepted, and get 10 upvotes. Simple ;)
Well, easier said than done XD
@Mithrandir I really like how your hat gets well with your drawn avatar :D
@dhein Well, apart for the gift issue, I like having a lot of family members to spend Christmas with. But I must admit, I really don't feel the seem about New Year celebration. Possibly because I'm already tired from Christmas and would rather just sleep
@avazula Me too :D All credit to you, of course ;)
1:06 PM
@Noon Mister Ava wanted us to spend New Year's Eve with his friends, e.g. 5 couples and three of them whom I don't know. I wanted to go to see my Mom. I'm quite afraid about how this will go...
We're gonna play cardboard games, which I hate ._.
And talk about things 30y.o. people like to talk about and that's normal, for they are 30y.o. I'm not! I'm only turning 23 next week!
cardboard games?
cardgames or boardgames?
@avazula I already told me about that some time ago, the situation still isn't solved? Or did he "win" the argument?
@JAD heh, that, right. Maybe it's card/board games?
@avazula And also, Arf :/ I don't like parties when there is too many people I don't know well
1:09 PM
@Noon He "won", yes. I wanted to please him. I'm going to suck it up and it's gonna be ok, I feel like he needs this, and I'll only need to rest after.
the thing is, I'm afraid he'll get mad for I don't enjoy the moment xD
@avazula Yeah, sometimes people blame you for things you can't control :/ Are you still gonna be able to see your mom on Christmas (or around this time of years)?
@Noon I'm gonna visit her the weekend before Eve
I'll only spend 2 days with my family
@avazula That's really not much :/ But, at least you got to see them (which only is a small comfort and I'm sorry for that)
Hmm, it would appear that I can't put on a hat on mobile :(
@Noon Yes, and it'll be nice seeing them :) sister #3 is having a hard time with our parents right now, I'd like to comfort her so much.
1:23 PM
Oh, I found it. Just had to use the link to the desktop site
@avazula I get the feeling. I'm happy I'm not aware of such a problem with mine at the moment
@Noon I'm glad for you too :)
Ugh, I just found an article saying "gut bacteria may offer a cure for autism". It makes me sick u_u
@avazula :(
1:43 PM
@avazula Enough deadly bacteria will definitely cure your autism. No autism if you're dead :P
@JAD hahaha
some Yersinia pestis in the gut, no autism a few days later
Millions of testimonials from people that went before you
(I'm not sure if you can get the plague by ingesting the bacteria, but let's ignore that for now)
1:55 PM
@Noon Well, I might like having family around me too... I think '^.^ But you just said it yourself, it is tiring. So just being alone is way more relaxed in that sense. (Not that I am valuing the tiring effect negative here) That was my whole point. Trying to find positives about it x'D
And about the gift issue.... Well just 1 gift makes me drving crazy (thats kinda due to a back story, tho) so just considering that stress multiplied by 20, made me give the statement I just gave :P
@Noon Honestly..... being blamed for things out of my control is a red flag for me, designating unsafe people :x
@avazula What a bulls**t.... the only real cure for autism is green tea! Too bad I don't like tea
@dhein wut? Is this a joke of some kind? ^^
(I don't get irony, just a reminder :p )
@dhein Well, if you are considering having a pet, I know that some people on the autism spectrum feel like cats are way better than human for spending Christmas with :P But yeah, making all those gifts isn't a piece of cake, especially for difficult people
@Noon ^ +1
In case you're having a bad day, here's a picture of my beautiful cat:
(^ Fedora is the cutest of all)
Yeeesh, I sound like a parent who's fascinated by her kid xD
2:14 PM
@avazula Ahah XD I wanted to also send a picture of my cousin's cat (so we could have a "cutest cat battle") but I don't know how to do so on mobile :(
@Noon Oh no :( do you have the SE app or something? This app makes the user experience so hard ...
@avazula No, I don't have the app but I can't find the "upload" button on mobile :(
@Noon shoot, we must have different mobile interfaces...
@avazula Well, I just put whatsapp on my work computer, so here goes the cat:
@avazula well but we usually get sarcasm. But I am just generally bad in sending sarcasm correct. So yeh it was meant to be a joke and no, i think the misscommunication happened rather on my end than on yours ^^
2:29 PM
I just made a small happy dance in my workplace, my coworkers looked at me in a funny way XD
@Noon Are you using Opera for making Whatsapp run?
(Opera is the best browser IMO)
@Noon I'm in love with those socks
@Noon yep, I think that would work for me. The problem is, I hardly reached a point I am able to be responsible for my own chores and dutys in my life, so it just would be unresponsible if I decided to want to care for even someone else. So I cant sadly justify having a pet.
@avazula No, I use Firefox ^^
@avazula I find fedora somewhat unhandy but i dont like linux in generell too much. /s :P
@dhein haha
2:34 PM
And yeah, I like those socks too XD
@Noon whats the reason?^^
@Noon BTW what's this unlikely cat spot?
@Noon perfect christmas present for ava. But shhhhh 🤫
I am at gym now. Have a nice day :)
@dhein Yeah, I have the same problem with taking care of myself :/ My personal rules is "don't take a cat as long as you can't keep a plant alive. When you will be able to do so, we will see"
@dhein I installed Jenkins in a docker and it worked ^^
@Noon Hum... my cat is going amazingly well. My plants, on the other hand... well, it's even worse since I have a cat who's eating them but I couldn't remember to water them before :p
@Noon yay! congrats! :D
2:39 PM
@avazula My cousin doesn't really know, that's why she sent the picture
@avazula well, that's good to know. But a cat is still out of the picture for know since I live in a very tiny appartment
@Noon yup, that is a problem :/
@Noon I didn't realize trees could wear hats! Yours looks good :)
2:55 PM
@scohe001 The wind put it here :P And those glass of yours make me see your avatar as it was some kind of lion wearing (badass) glass XD
@Noon haha well that was surely some fortuitous wind. And it's funny you say that! My real name actually has something to do with Lions in another language, so it fits!
Also is it just me or is the Stack network a little slow today?
@scohe001 Maybe this "yellow scare" of yours isn't as random as you want us to think!
Shhh don't let my secret out!!
@scohe001 I don't know for the other Stacks but IPS and this chat had been slow for quite some time now :(
3:12 PM
@Noon funny. That vary same rule exists for me. My first plant was a aloevera.... 3 times close to dieing due to lack of water then after living for a year I drowned it....
Then I thought "ok lets start with something easy...." so I bought a ikea bambus... the first died after half a year, the second made it a full year.... the 3rd died 2 months ago after 3 years due to a friend kicking it down.... Now I gave even up on plants sigh
@Noon \0/ never worked with docker, just bsd jails... but i was administrating the jenkins on my previous job x)
@dhein plants aren't easy, let's stop pretending that they are xD
But since you had a dance for it... congratz :p
@avazula hmmm I just dont dare trying a animal before even my plants stop dieing. Ok, a cat can express her needs while for a plant its usually too late when it starts expressing it.
But I am just too scared by the idea, starting to love a cat or dog just to realize after the third starved away, that I shouldnt have tried it... :x
@dhein I get that. Although, I was just trying to express my hatred towards how hard it is to take care of plants xD
3:28 PM
This sort of conversation came up at my work recently and a coworker remarked that plants don't meow at you as they're dying.
@avazula And I apreciated it silently :)
@dhein I'm glad you like my hatred of demanding plants
@El'endiaStarman my point. But still i wouldnt consider myself a good petholder if my pet had to beg me to be kept alive :x
@avazula as said, I am done with them.... I mean having cared for that thing for 3 years, and then it just drops unluckily from the windowbar and just goes like "mimimi treat me with some respect mimimi thats enough.... mimimi goodbye!"
What a mimosa.... and thats despite it was a bambus....
@dhein "mimimi [whatever]" hahahaha that's hilarious as I'm picturing you saying this! (that's not mockery ...it's just that "mimimi" seems to be such a cute word xD)
@avazula well i even say that more often than writing it. Saying it in a snappy way is working quite well to mock people annoying me by crying about something x)
Like the bambus did 😅
I would make a voice message to demonstrate you that usually the others feel mocked. But fortunately stack chat doesnt support voice^^
3:39 PM
@dhein don't worry, just picturing it is already very satisfying
I dont worry :D I just feel like I might be mistaken xD
4:41 PM
Does anyone else keep seeing the red dot show up indicating that there are reviews to be completed, but then there aren't actually any reviews?
5:00 PM
@Rainbacon does it still appear after you refresh the page?
5:14 PM
R..red dot?! ears perk up
5:54 PM
@EmC I must say, I love the way you wear the hat XD
@Noon haha, thanks :D
it is the only hat I have .. so far :P
@EmC Well, I like the fact that a mod doesn't have more hat than I do, it makes me feel important :P
@EmC Same. I do find it amusing though that I got a hat without doing anything.
@Noon haha, congrats :D I guess I have to start posting more to catch up..
@EmC Game's not over yet. :D
6:02 PM
@EmC Maybe there are also hats for flagging and review stuff? You could flag something and then mark it as helpful in order to win some hat XD But I must admit, I was kind of expecting that mod would have some special "sheriff" hat
@Noon heh, that'd be too easy. I think in years past they had the SE ballcap as a hat though :)
If any of you wants spoilers: Here's a hat list and here's another one, they come with instructions on what to do to get them :)
@Tinkeringbell I think I'm gonna got hunting now, thanks :P
@Tinkeringbell I've been following it and confused with Clean up duty, Proper Thyself and Waffles
@NogShine Those don't seem to have any descriptions yet, right?
6:08 PM
@Tinkeringbell Yes, but Waffles is a common hat since 2014.
People are exchanging thoughts on those in the Winter Bash chat room
^ Careful, not a transcript link :P
> answer a question scoring -3 or lower; the question eventually becomes 3+ and your answer becomes 5+
@NogShine That's for another hat this year
@Tinkeringbell Red Baron
Baron :P
6:11 PM
I tried to improve my closed question into detailed one. It's deleted now. Given that it's old and not shown in profile page, can I see it being the OP?
@NogShine interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/5187/1599 Can you see anything there?
@Tinkeringbell Yes. Thanks
I will edit and undelete it.
Q: Just looking for a way to find the will to study what i love or get out of the friendzone

Pro Ghost BustersI am an eight grader (13+something years old) from Greece. I am somewhat of a nerd, I love physics, I study advanced physics and math and I hope to be the one to find the theory of everything, before this school year started I used to study more physics but because of reasons I will explain later...

Can I beg for an upvote on one of my meta answers scoring 9 right now? :P I really want that red circle to go with my parrot :D
All the begging won't help without telling us which post it is.
6:23 PM
@Alex Any of the answers I wrote on meta that have a score of 9 XD
(Oh, and that don't have any downvotes, I guess :P)
But that's cheating, don't fall for it!
Q: Tell me **exactly** what is wrong with this Answer

Johns-305Another Answer was wrongly deleted with not justification. How to show appreciation to colleague? You will note in the comments that the Commenter freely admitted they missed details in the Question. One valid comment was addressed with an Edit even though this same point is not addressed in a...

Actually, now that I think of it. This may be a bit of a problematic hat.
Not having a downvote is not one of the hat conditions.
@Alex No, I know. But I need to get a badge for it, I don't think they're awarded twice? :)
@Tinkeringbell So then it would only be an issue if the downvote came after the tenth upvote.
6:27 PM
@Alex Yeah, that's true.
But hard for me to determine.
Unless it was on a different day, in which case the timeline would show it.
6:40 PM
interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/2304/… Should be harmless enough to upvote. That one won't meddle with site policy :)
weird bug, does anyone else see this?
@EmC What's the bug?
1 view
@Alex There should be a username shown before the "5 mins ago", but it's blank
probably something wonky with migration
@EmC Oh! that's not a bug. Names don't appear when migrated. Just time
6:44 PM
@EmC The user doesn't have an account on this site.
Ugh. That should probably be closed for asking 'what should I do'? Do you think we can edit it into sufficient IPS shape without OP's input (they don't have an IPS account)
Though according to the MEta FAQ there should still be something listed:
If a user who participated in the question does not have an account on the target site, their username is displayed as plain text until they create an account.
A: What is migration and how does it work?

Kyle CroninWhat is migration? Migration allows an off-topic question to be gracefully moved to another site in the Stack Exchange network. It preserves the current revision of the question, all its answers, any comments on any post, as well as most of the votes. When a question is migrated, a new copy of ...

Yeah, I have a retagging friend! \o/ (@sphennings)
Oh, in the question itself it contains the user's name as a plain text; on the homepage the name does not get shown.
right, I thought there'd be a name on the homepage too. I wonder if there's a hat for first meta question.. :P
6:58 PM
Yay, my circle is in!
@Tinkeringbell Looks like your begging worked.
Thanks :D
Whoever it was :)
Might have been me.
Now I just not do the rest of winterbash. It isn't going to be much better than a red freehand circle to match the parrot :D
... and it's a dupe of a bug from 2013, thanks for playing :P
7:13 PM
@Alex If I can return that favor this winterbash, let me know :)
@Tinkeringbell Thanks for the offer. I don't think I have any Meta posts at +9, though.
@Tinkeringbell I have some meta posts at +9 if you're wanting to spread the love.
@sphennings I have one too, do you want an exchange? interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/3321/21067
@Noon I already voted on that.
@sphennings Done :)
@Noon Ah, I'm sorry. That already has my vote too :)
7:18 PM
@sphennings Arf, too bad :/ But I sill have to say, those glasses look good on you
I saw @Rainbacon 's hat. Looks cool, with the purple avatar it's almost like there's really a face hiding under there!
@Rainbacon I'm reading the all question + answers now, this might take a will XD (that topic interest me)
7:33 PM
@Tinkeringbell Thanks! I like your freehand circle
@EmC You agree with that? :P Then I'm going to hammer it :P

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