There was something you said the other day (I don't remember what) that made me realize I wanted more of the content you publish, so I went and looked for another avenue to consume your posts.
I'm trying to post more, especially on my blog and Medium. But I'm so afraid of doing it. I fear people will react badly, or that they'll know more about who I am
1. Autistic shutdowns and the fact that my friends don't get it when I say I can't go out tonight 2. On being an engineer in a dying world 3. Asexuality and its misconceptions 4. On being adopted 5. Polymaths and the benefit of being curious 6. ...
'm currently working on the first one.
user15026
@Rainbacon that's fair! I like it mostly to connect with authors that write the books I like, and to be like "look I wrote a bunch of words down".
@avazula Yep, now I will probably by every other books this person has ever write even if it's in English :D (well, I will make sure to verify the topic first but I'm pretty sure I will try other one)
@Ash It wasn't the first book I read in English but I do rarely and only if there isn't another option and I really want to read what's next. But I found those books so warm and comfy and full of emotions, I wanted more
@Tinkeringbell I think that's pretty close to 199. People come up with random metrics to vote (usually rep? In this case everyone is close to each other) but their votes aren't random
@M.A.R.ಠ_ಠ I think when tink says "vote randomly" she is referring to people voting by arbitrary metrics rather than based on knowledge of the candidates
Great answer. To add: you can be vague about where you're from which answers the question so you can then move on. E.g. you're from Spain talking to someone from UK: "I'm from the continent" or "I'm from western europe" followed up by more small talk as mentioned above. From USA speaking to someone from Germany? "I'm from North America" or "I'm the other side of the Atlantic". — Thomas Clayson32 secs ago
@Rainbacon people who know us know we like and talk to each other as well. It's almost like no matter who's elected in the end, there's the assurance that they'll do a great job at moderating.
For example, when I voted. I based my votes a lot on interactions I've had with the candidates on the site as well as here in chat. With the exception of NVZ, I feel as if I know the other candidates fairly well (for the purposes of a mod election at least). Most of those 199 voters don't regularly visit chat. I can't say what number of them visit the site regularly, but I've looked at every name and I only recognize a handful of them.
Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.
Interesting, I got a new kind of rep change notification. It says +-1 indicating that I got one rep back from a downvoted answer being deleted on IPS, but also lost 1 rep for downvoting an answer on MSE
I'm looking for a casual way to sign-off at the end of my emails. I usually say "Thanks" or "Thank you". I've seen people use "Cheers" as well.
I also found this article, but I don't like those suggestions: https://www.thebalancecareers.com/email-message-closing-examples-2061895
Always signing-...
Have you considered that you don't necessarily need a 'sign-off' at the end of every email? If you have considered this, why do you feel that this is not workable for you? — brhans59 secs ago
@Ash I've tried so hard to get my fiancee to do that, but as she puts it, "No, I want to be a princess". I told her we could still do the whole fancy dress and party thing and just take care of all the legal stuff now, but she won't go for it
@Rainbacon we have the opposite situation over here with Mister Ava. As I'm currently engaged in legal procedures for changing my name, I can't get married now, otherwise I'll get his name, and we want to create a family with both his name and the new one I'll hopefully get. So we're gonna have a family event before getting legally married haha
it'll take three more years before the State even begins to proceed my request ...
user15026
@Rainbacon That's basically what we did - we did the city hall thing and then once he is here and we have time/money we will do the fancy dress and party thing.
@Rainbacon Ha. Well, if that comforts you in your original will, we're gonna have a small event near our house with a barbecue and a jam session. I'm not even gonna buy a wedding dress lol
@Ash It's a very long time for abandoning the name of a person who's legally my father but who's just a coward abuser, yes. Justice, they call it...
Should he die soon, I'd inherit his debts, whereas I haven't seen him in 20 years
@avazula Isn't there anything legal you can do against that? I think I've read of kids 'disowning' themselves, so they won't have exactly that, over here...
He's always prevented me from getting to know his other children. Only one of them knows I'm their sister and I'm not even sure they believed me when I reached out. Haven't heard of them since, it's been three years. Fortunately I was adopted by a great family afterwards.
@Tinkeringbell Well ... It's a bit complicated. I could do that when he dies but it would mean having to deal with his new wife who basically hates me. I could also do that now, but I'd have to go to court and things wouldn't go smoothly, as he owns me and my mother at least 18 years of alimony ... And I don't want any money from him.
@avazula :/ I'm not sure how French law works XD but disowning yourself so you won't inherit his debts in tied in with receiving alimony? :/ That's weird.
This is basically the kind of things I'd like to tell on my blog because when I talk to people about it (because it's part of my story and shaped who I am today) they're uncomfortable because it's a sad story. I'd like people to understand that we all go through tough times, and that it shouldn't prevent us from having great lives.
@Tinkeringbell I guess so haha. But sometimes I'd like to talk about it when other people talk about their families, or even when they ask about mine or my father, you know. I'm upset that it's getting weird as soon as I do it.
@avazula Yeah, I understand. If people talk about families you should definitely feel free to talk about yours too... I guess there must be some way to not make things weird. We just have to try and learn, I guess.
@avazula It can be really helpful to just put something out there. When I started blogging, I never expected anyone to read it, but it felt nice being able to say what I had to say
@avazula Well, you do want people to continue talking to you right? :P If you finish the story now, there'll be no more curiosity prompting any future conversations!
That does sound awesome indeed! That's kinda quicker than what I imagined even (though still long) from what I remember you saying about the time it took for a name change to go through.
Or were you already far into that process by then? :)
@Tinkeringbell I applied last December. That means they won't start processing my demand before December 2022. (oh, and I wrote it wrong, I meant Summer 2021)
@avazula Oh wait... I missed the 'unofficially' in 2020 and thought you'd expected to have switched names then already... Dang, that's a looooong time.
@Tinkeringbell yup. Well, I'm almost 24 and have waited for this time since I was 15... I can wait a little bit more. What bothers me is that should I become a mother before I get the official answer from the State, I'll have to do it all over again so that my kids can have both Mister Ava's and my new name.
@Rainbacon Guess what? I moved out since I made that request, and now I have to call them to let them know my mailing address changed, otherwise they'll send the answer to the old one and since they need to have my acknowledgment that I got their mail, I may have done this for nothing.
The worst part is that they know my new address because it's on my voting card haha
Oh. If a kid is over 12, they can consent to the name change, if one the parents objects, they have to read those objections but can still keep saying they want to change, and in such circumstances a change may happen
It's the trial of a woman who was assaulted and the IA, who was created by men like the one who accused her of assault, decides that her life and word is not worth it and sentences her to death
@avazula There's also a ridiculously complicated thing to calculate how long you've been cared for by a specific parent or guardian, and if that term is too short in comparison to the time your other parent cared for you, it'd be denied...
Name changes really are a pinnacle of bureaucracy, it seems
@Ælis It sounds similar to 'mantelzorg' over here, though that's mostly related to long-term illnesses or old age, it's also sometimes used to label random acts of kindness. And society/governments/social services keep pushing people to do more of it, which goes at a cost of ... guess what? self-care time XD
@Tinkeringbell That makes me think of how our care system is currently working. There isn't enough doctor/nurse/etc to care for everyone, so they do overtime, which makes them much more likely to get sick/do a burn out and then you have even less people to care for even more people...
@EmC Yeah, online relationships are, far too often, dismiss has not "real" and not valuable when, for some people at least, they are truly making a difference in their life
@Mithrandir she's eating it next to me in the house. But the house she caught yesterday died in my hands, I'm alone at home and I don't have the strength to take it and put it outside at some place she couldn't reach it.
I know it's nothing more than nature. But I recently learned about cats destroying populations of birds and mice and I was so happy she didn't chase them ...
@Tinkeringbell I'm not a cat expert either but I believe it has more to do with the fact that Fedora has now access to a garden and the outside which she didn't have before
@Ælis Oh... in that case, I have a (Dutch :( ) news article that I read recently that might be applicable here too: nu.nl/wonen/5914872/… < you can hopefully translate the page and get the gist ;)
@avazula keeping them indoors is supposed to be better for cats in the long run anyways, less danger for them to get into. though I don't know if your kitty would accept that as a permanent change :p
@Tinkeringbell I'm not sure I got the context of this unlikely sentence, but it made me laugh XD "Spread the sausage on a water balloon so that it wraps around the cat's face when it starts to lick"
The other 'mean' suggestion is spreading coffee grounds, so that the cat gets dirty, and it'll taste horrible to them apparently when they lick themselves clean...
Oh dear, someone (a stranger that I have been nice to in a facebook publication) asked me if you could talk in facebook messenger (probably so as to become friends) and I will have to refuse and I don't know how to do that (important side note: this is in a group about depression, burn out and anxiety and this particular person has anorexia)
Otherwise would it be possible to say you're not comfortable talking about it because it could trigger you? (Not because of anorexia but about something else)
Well, I'm not well-versed in the etiquette of online groups about stuff like that, but I would guess if you put a bunch of people with mental problems together, they would kinda accept you saying 'I'd rather not, I don't have the energy for it. Can we keep interacting to the group please?'
@Tinkeringbell That what I'm currently going for (but this person is a new member and might not yet know of this kind of problem)
"Hello, I'm really sorry but I will not be able to accept. I have tiredness issues and talking (online or "in real life") is exhausting for me, even more when I do not know the person. That said, I would be happy to continue to talk with you under the group's publications :)"
@Ælis remember you're not responsible for someone else's well being. You may help to cheer them up but only them can heal themselves, with professional help if needed.
There we go! Thanks again @Ava, I absolutely love it<3 It'll take some getting used to, not seeing a little yellow square anymore, but I think this is a definite upgrade :)
I'm looking for a casual way to sign-off at the end of my emails. I usually say "Thanks" or "Thank you". I've seen people use "Cheers" as well.
I also found this article, but I don't like those suggestions: https://www.thebalancecareers.com/email-message-closing-examples-2061895
Always signing-...
