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1:44 AM
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Q: How to help someone who has been suckered into a scam

asgallant(Mods, not sure that this is the right site for the question, please move it if appropriate) A friend of mine (let's call her Anne) was recently drawn into attending life-coaching sessions with Next Level Trainings, which is a scam based on the Lifespring model (tl;dr they give you a psychologic...

 
2:04 AM
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Q: I'm white. Is it ok to wish a black person a Happy Juneteenth?

theholeI think the title sums it up. For those not familiar: Juneteenth is the oldest nationally celebrated commemoration of the ending of slavery in the United States. From its Galveston, Texas origin in 1865, the observance of June 19th as the African American Emancipation Day has spread across th...

 
2:31 AM
Hi, I asked this Juneteenth question, and I'm wondering if someone could give me some hints on how to rephrase it. I'm stumped
the edit i'm working on seems like it's going to invite even more opinions
 
 
3 hours later…
5:37 AM
@ExtrovertedMainMan About this one I started recently considering.... Is it actually a bad thing? I mean.... leaving the intends of the coaches to earn money with it aside... I mean even if the attendees are just being manipulated into feeling better and having a totally new life style by that. It doesn't change the fact that the impact is the promised and the attendees get for their money what they were promised. Its just for different reasons than what was praised.
I mean its sad that people have to pay such loads of money to get this from someone (Or is it maybe even part of the psychological effect)? But in the end people get what they were promised, so I am not sure if this would be a "scam" per se.
 
6:20 AM
Looks like a lot of people sleep at this time in their timelines when I am here in a cafe confused between good morning or good noon.
It still gives a tint of what to do. I recommend framing it as how to do such that this happens.
 
@dhein Thats the same discussion as to whether claiming miracle drugs and giving someone sugar pills is unethical. Due to the placebo effect, sometimes it does have the intended effects
 
See the last line of the suggested post by Em C. It goes how to do such that I don't hurt their feelings. That would be narrowed down a lot already and would not invite arrogant or racist answers.
https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/11575/23177 is answer I and 72 others find good from the suggested link by Em c.
Yours is already out of downvotes and would open as soon as people wake up.
@thehole
@dhein Wiki also rarely calls it scam. People were against it and there were some lawsuits.
@Magisch Apple should consider this before selling the stand. <sup>I have not used it or seen any reliable source, just the memes</sup>
 
7:04 AM
@ankiiiiiii Pardon? ^^
 
7 messages moved to Trash
Morning everyone!
 
@Magisch Yeh, I see what you mean. Still I think its not the very same. As I have 2 friends who also regulary spent quite some money for attending such coachings. And while I don't really like them doing it, I had asked one of them about the details a few months ago. And she explained me the way it is working for her. And they actually get there things tough. Things they can adapt to in their life and that improves their live. It improves it cause they believe in it improving it.
So the thing it has in common with miracle drugs is, both things have a flawed science behind it. But rather than a miracle drug which promises to work cause of the chemical ingredients, here people get promised to be thought things about how to improve their lives. And despite the matter being tought would scientifically not work, but rather the placebo effect making it work, here the people still get thought what they were promised to be thought for their money.
I don't really like it. But after that conversation with the mentioned friend, my view towards this became "If someone is WILLING to spend the money for it, and it infact IS helping that person, why should I want to prevent them from feeling good about it?"
 
Morning! :)
 
o/
 
7:17 AM
nice edit @ava :)
 
I was replying to thehole if you think what this message is all about. If you mean that "oh hi I am awake.. Whatchu talking about!?" Then as I said a lot of people.
What does o/ \o mean?
 
@ankiiiiiii o/ is an extremely simplified ascii person waving his hand
 
interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/22105/1599 < Is that an answer to 'how to make people realize I don't want to answer their question'?
 
\o is another one waving back
@Tinkeringbell I think it sortoff is when you read between the lines. What's missing is making it obviously into a frame challenge "You don't. It'll be too assertive if you try which would be interpretted as an attack. What you can/should do instead is subtly avoiding to answer."
 
@thehole Welcome! I see some of our users gave it a few edits, like they commented, right now it looks okay to me but I do hope this form will work for you too! :)
 
7:22 AM
Awww.... it says my edit couldn't be submitted cause someone else made an edit to the question already :/
 
@Imus I hope so ... @AJ reopened it just before I finished the edit :p
 
@avazula I was just editing it too '^.^
 
@avazula I saw your edit first, voted to reopen afterwards
 
A J
@avazula There was at least 3 minutes gap. :P
 
Well, I am gonna trash my edit then. The post seems to be fine now.
 
7:26 AM
@AJ I need some time okay? :p
 
A J
:P
 
Or would it be valid if I put my edit in too now, leaving a comment that they can feel free to roll back to any version they find most appropiate in regards of their intend? I don't want to be rude to you ava, but I also feel bad about putting in like 10 minutes of thinking into an edit just to throw it away '^.^
@avazula ping
 
@dhein If you believe your edit to this latest version would improve the question I don't see why you shouldn't edit
 
@dhein I don't see anything wrong in you making an edit that adds meaning to the post :)
Pfew ... team building day yesterday. It was fun, but I was away from 7AM to 1AM the next morning :p
:feels tired:
 
@Tinkeringbell "I don't want to answer.." interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/22110/23177 This is a bit implicit I guess..
 
7:34 AM
@avazula Well, I am a bit worried, cause my edit changes the frame of the question to another intend I intepreted the originial OP, and since yours made it being fine now, I am a bit hestiate to just edit it into something worse by possibly having missunderstood OP's intend :x
@avazula Pull your self together soldier! :D
 
@Imus Perhaps it needs a gentle poking so that people don't need to read between the lines? :P
@ankiiiiiii This one is... awkwardly short. I'm not fond of that one: They say they usually reply anyways (instead of declining), then say a bit about being bolder but don't really include whether or not that both communicates and interest in continued conversation along with not wanting to answer a particular question :/
This Q&A is rapidly turning into some kind of 'come up with the funniest reply' contest :/
3
 
@Tinkeringbell I usually ask people to guess.
Which usually goes hilariously wrong
 
@avazula Teambuilding often is a good thing though. Did yours go well? Do you have a nice team?
 
@Tinkeringbell Feel free to poke. I can't say you're wrong on that ^.^
 
Eh, I have my own answer there... poking others is a bit... meh
Made me remember I should probably pick questions that are less interesting to answer, to avoid these HNQ conundrums.
 
7:44 AM
@Tinkeringbell I took over already :)
 
@dhein Awesome, thanks! :)
 
@Tinkeringbell Didn't realise that until after I said it. Good point. And thanks dhein :)
 
@Tinkeringbell crossing fingers Please don't answer the one I want to answer, please don't answer the one I want to answer
^^
 
Hahaha what one are you answering? :P
 
@Tinkeringbell The carpooling one. I didn't started yet but I already know what to say
 
7:55 AM
@Ælis Ah. That one is a case of 'use your words' :P
And if they don't listen/change, nothing you can do will make them accommodate you, you're a guest in their car after all, not the other way round.
 
@Tinkeringbell It easy to piss of a driver when you are not careful. One should use their word carefully
 
@Ælis True, it's a case of 'ask, don't tell'.
Kinda getting tired of questions where that's the case ;)
 
@Tinkeringbell Understandable, but I haven't been here as long as you did, so this still feels like an interesting question to answer for me
(but I have to work first, my answer will probably not be up before a hour or so)
 
@Ælis ;) Good luck :)
 
Thanks :D
 
8:02 AM
I have to work too, and keep an ear out for the doorbell (am expecting a package, yay!). Besides... IT'S TOO HOT!
 
@Tinkeringbell It was really fun! My new colleagues are great, and I enjoy this new job so much
 
@Tinkeringbell I'm thankful, we don't have this problem yet here. I wish it will keep going like that, my apartment tend to be at the same temperature as the outside (very cold in winter, and I'm guessing very hot in summer ><)
 
@avazula sounds awesome! :)
 
Is there a similar thing to a mid-life crisis to young people? like an early-life crisis? outside of puberty
 
8:06 AM
What would be call the OH MY GOD WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MY LIFE stage?
 
@Mithrandir Graduating high school?
 
maybe something like that, where you're trying to extent where you are in your life @Mithrandir
 
@Termatinator Well I'd say, when it comes to mental states I tend to say: If you can imagine it it exists ;P
 
@dhein I'm glad you understand now :)
 
@Ælis Well, I still don't like it. But I understand, that the system somewhat enforces this actions to be taken, as otherwise they might later get overseen.
 
8:20 AM
We're getting an awful lot of spam lately.
 
Well and we seem to handle it even quicker. Couldn't even find that answer ^^
 
@dhein I think that was SmokeDetectors doing ;)
 
SmokeDetector for president! :D
 
I don't think it has enough rep on this site to run in the election :P
 
SmokeDetector for supreme leader then? XD
 
8:26 AM
Always the bureaucrati :x
@Rainbacon: Just read your answer on that one. How does having autism correlate with being limited in the dishes you are able to take?
 
@dhein Where is the answer? I might be able to enlight you about that
(for my experience at least)
 
Oh yeah, writing "that one" after the smoekdetectors link to it got removed wasn't that useful xD
 
@dhein Yep, especial since this answer isn't that new ^^
@dhein I know @Rainbacon is repulsed by a lot of food texture. I don't really have this problem myself but I know it's a common issue for people on the autism spectrum
 
That answer looks like it would be equally good if they just removed the "due to being on the autism spectrum".
From what I would guess, it's not that the autism is the direct cause of disliking most foods, it's that the autism prevents them from "learning to eat" some things that someone else would even if both start with the same dislikes.
 
@Imus True, but for the sake of completness, I can relate why they mentioned it there and also can see why it might not feel complete for them without mentioning it.
 
8:35 AM
@Imus Not sure it works like that, though
 
@Ælis Never heard of that, and would be interested in some details. As my best friend developed a meat alergic over the past years and the docotors all seem clueless how this can happen, while I have quite some troubles with some foods, too. And just accepted being very picky in regards of food, but would also like to know if it could have some relevance for me, too
 
@Imus As just said, I have no idea if the reasons for me are the same as the reasons for Rainbacon bringing it in connection with autism. But for me it is the exact other way round. A lot of food I remember when I started disliking, was because I HAD to eat them in specific ways or was forced to finish my plate. So these tastes have a connection for me with bad experiences being made.
So actually the exact opposite way.
 
@dhein interesting :) I'm learning something new every time I chat here ^^,
 
@dhein Unfortunately, I don't really have time right :/ But, I will be glad to talk about it later if you want me to answer some of your questions :)
 
8:40 AM
@Imus autism speaks is a cancerous organization with a long history of minimizing and marginalizing the people they're claiming to serve
 
@Magisch Good to know. Although it could still provide an alternative viewpoint to consider (and then reject if it's nonsense).
I was gonne add to my linking with more info but dhein interjected that with his even more interesting viewpoint
 
It is to autism advocacy what PETA is to animal rights activism
 
It at least sounds plausible that people with autism are over sensitive to certain senses which could explain why certain textures/colors/smells are too intense.
Like most people not liking really spicy food
 
@Imus that's just not being used to it though
You can get used to spicy foods. Its a lot harder to get used to something overwhelming your senses.
 
@JourneymanGeek alternative example: I don't like bitter foods, most likely cause I'm oversensitive to bitterness.
 
8:45 AM
Even when you aren't autistic. I had trouble with that when my anxiety was a big issue
@Imus annndddd.... that's another thing I got used to ;p
 
spicy food has dimishing returns
if you chug a half bottle of tabasco every day, you'll start noticing less as your palate adjusts
 
More like someone elses crappy music turned up to 11 12
 
@JourneymanGeek I have learned to eat certain bitter foods but I still don't like them and probably never will
 
no such mechanism exists for sensory overload
 
precisely
For me, I could eventually deal with the underlying cause
or substitute the overload for a controllable stimuli
 
8:47 AM
@Magisch And that is exactly the reason for my first guess. Someone with autism is over sensitive about a certain thing so will not like most foods. And unlike someone else, they can't "learn to eat" it
 
but one never really gets used to it
 
personally, I can learn to control my reaction, e.g suppress a panic attack, work to not show intense discomfort, and learn when migraine is coming so I can go away soon enough, but no amount of exposure will make the effects themselves less detrimental
 
And like dhein said, if the stimuli get's worsened from trauma (like being forced to eat it) it might actually get worse
 
and it's frustrating how many people think it's not a real condition and I "just need to come out of my shell more"
2
 
@Ælis Sure, I'd love to hear about it
 
8:54 AM
@Magisch You should show the autism more and make people understand! (most likely not a good idea in most situations though).
Sad to hear how much trouble you're getting from it.
 
@Magisch it's more for reassuring parents that want to cure their autistic child... shudders
I don't wanna be cured. I'm not sick
4
 
@avazula Probably more because people only have their own experiences. "It's good for me, so you should do the same thing"
 
@Imus Hell no. Most people go from treating me like a normal person to thinking I'm some sort of fragile, barely contained freak of nature
I don't have the standing or energy to change people's minds about the condition, especially not people who have been set in their ways for decades
 
should've added "/s" after it :p I get it though.
 
To add on that: The most horrible taste food has to me, is spinach. If I even have the tiniest taste of it on my mouth I immediately get a throw up reflex I hardly can suppress. And actually my mom didn't like spinach herself so the first time I had to try it was when I was having lunch at a daycare mothers place. It probably wasn't even about the taste, but just the look that made me not "like" the food.

But I got forced to finish my plate and she even force feeded me by fixing my head and pushing the spinach into my mouth.... So I see some connections here. Also adding to that. Food, I d
 
8:59 AM
@dhein That sounds awful, I'm sorry someone treated you like that :(
 
@dhein Traumatic experiences like that are not only for autism. My father-in-law also doesn't eat spinach because of how it was served when he was a child. Never got over that
Although it could be that the autism makes the effect even stronger ... we can never tell for sure
 
I gotta go to lunch now. But I will jump back into this conversation as soon I am back, I find this really interesting right now.
I actually would even prefer to skip lunch if I had not made up an appointment with some coworkers '^.^
So ttyl :)
 
My own father once had a bad experience with eating cheese, and since then only likes cheese if it's "processed" into food (like melted over pizza for example). He can't eat "raw" cheese normally XD
 
@avazula Thats what I mean. It styles itself as an autism advocacy group, but it's a group full of people who aren't autistic who think they need to work to speak for and cure those poor souls. It's dehumanizing and sickening. I don't need someone to tell me what and how I feel and certainly not a group of wackjobs one step above antivaxxers
 
@Imus Same for me.
 
9:01 AM
Feel free to ping me when you want to talk about it some more @dhein. I'm also interested in the subject :)
 
Kinda
CHeese is actually something I slowly start liking in some specific sorts and preparation scenarios, going step by step closer to the raw form '^.^
 
@dhein good way to learn to eat new stuff :)
just be open to try it, if you don't like it, leave it for now and try again after a certain period
It's also how we're training our nieces/nephews to eat stuff. "You are only allowed to say you don't like it after you had at least 1 bite"
Ofcourse, if we know they don't like certain things from earlier experience (not faked) they don't even need to take the bite if they don't want it
One of them eats just about anything, except for chocolate and melons
weird kid in that regard :p
 
@Imus I absolutely hated the 1 bite approach.
Because everyone would be looking at me while I took it :P
Besides... I'm kinda weird with new food, I want to take my time looking at it and smelling it first.
 
@Tinkeringbell You could've just taken the 1 bite first and then started complaining (making sure your parents saw it). But hindsight is 20/20
 
Before taking that 1 bite
 
9:06 AM
That's also perfectly fine for us, as long as they take the bite eventually before saying "i don't like this"
It happened more than once that once they took the bite they just finished the entire plate anyway because they like it :p
@Tinkeringbell Side note on that one: Since kids usually complain before tasting just to get attention our aproach there was to have the parent/grandparent "force" them to take the bite while the rest mostly ignores the kid, so we wouldn't "all be watching"
 
@Imus Yeah, that would've helped, I think :)
 
I'm kinda happy with my in-law family in that regard. Their overal aproach and behaviour in such situations has proven to work better than my own family XD
Certain other aspects my own family does better in my own experience. My wife though can't really deal with that alternative way of doing stuf because it's too different from what she's used to.
 
I have some many things where I now think 'I'd do that differently', and so many where I think 'I'd love doing that too, but society would never accept a kid raised that way anymore'...
So yeah. No kids for me :P
 
XD
i'm now trying to learn what my new born son needs/wants... which is difficult since his only forms of comunicating are crying and moving erraticaly
It's easy to tell when he's hungry ... everything else ¯_(ツ)_/¯
 
@Imus Just drop a vid on Parenting :P My kid is doing this, what does he want? :P
 
9:18 AM
one of the reasons I don't want kids is that I'd get headaches from them talking loudly and with a kit you can't really go "yeah well I need a few hours/days off from your talking right now"
 
@Magisch if it's only 1 kid you can teach it to be mostly quiet. Several kids together on a family day with their nieces/nephews will be loud no matter what you tought them
 
@Imus Great. Can you teach Brat to shut up, or teach me to teach Brat to shut up?
 
JAD
@Tinkeringbell duct tape should do the trick
 
Heh. If only... I think it falls under 'society would never accept a kid raised that way' :P
 
@Magisch That's why I don't want kids. I would only be able to care for them part-time (like 1/3 of the day). The only way I would have kid is if I know I can say "That's it, I'm too tired now" and I would know that someone else would be there to take care of the kid(s)
 
9:24 AM
@Tinkeringbell That would be difficult. It requires a lot of patience, leading by example and most importantly, buy in from everyone else around the kid to do the same
 
Ah. Not going to happen then, that last one is going to be impossible.
 
hence why it would be difficult :p
 
@Ælis I usually have very little energy left after a day at the office
coming home to hear more people talking would be maddening
 
" That's why I don't want kids" same. I'd get some stray dogs maybe
 
@Magisch I get my energy from getting/giving cuddles. Something quite unusual to do at work
 
9:26 AM
I think stray dogs can be a lot of work too, to teach how to behave... Be careful ;)
 
Although I somehow got into a habit of hugging one of my coworkers goodby each day XD
 
@Imus I'm seeing a lot of similarities. Trust me its harder to do in a college setting specially if people aren't that LGBT accepting and make fun of doing such things
 
@Magisch I wouldn't mind coming home where people are talking if I can retreat into my quiet room and not be expected to do anything (and, after one or two hours, I would have regain enough energy to be able to socialize a little)
 
sometimes I wish people never knew what that is all about
@Tinkeringbell I feel connection with one very good. He's quiet, affectionate, smart etc etc. Something a baby can never be
 
@ankiiiiiii Mind if I guess you're male? I somehow got the assumtion that this is far more tolerated for 2 girls to do than it is for boys in a college setting ...
 
9:28 AM
@Ælis yeah, a coworker of mine is currently dealing with twins. Not only does he not get time off when coming home (his wife works too), pretty much every waking moment is spent with the kids, and most of the time, the amount of sleep he gets daily is about 4-6 hours right now
I would be ready to committ myself to a mental institution in a week
 
@Imus yes. very true.
 
At least where I work it's not a problem at all as far as I can see
I'm friends with a couple of gay coworkers here that too have some "interesting" stories to tell
 
@Imus among boys either?
 
not much different than man+woman
since it's a work setting people will look at you weird if you're too clingy
but it's independend on the genders
 
I might be moving in. xd
 
9:32 AM
hehe
adults either get more accepting (most usual is "I don't care about you in any way") or more extreme (really homophobic, best to be completely avoided if possible)
 
@Magisch I did some summer day camp job when I was younger. After a week, I was exhausted and wanted everything to be over. After two weeks, it was even worse. The third week, my body completly shutdown (like I was unable to walk fast without feeling dizzy). By the end of the last month, I was so tired it was like I was on some kind of drugs (the illegal kind) all the time. Then the job was over and I promised myself to never do that again, ever.
 
Quick note: kids will tease you for anything they can find. Whether it's being gay, having red hair or just having said that one stupid thing 10 years ago, you'll be bullied for it. So try not to let it get to you too much. At least coworkers are kinda forced to act more professional :p
 
(and it was only a day summer camp, not a day and night..)
 
Yes I hope so..
for the note : The thing is I won't be sticking to anyone in the office anyway.. Better be say in front of one's house while dropping etc or car lot but somewhere where sex is not expected or presumed
 
@ankiiiiiii It's kinda funny that all gay coworkers mention their spouse as "my partner" instead of "my wife/husband". Which once you notice it is really obvious but is subtle enough to get by most people.
Funny how I (unknowingly) responded with "your wife then?" at which point they had to "come out". Luckily to find out that I truly didn't mind and we had a topic to talk about in the hall way on our way to get food. Like "(how) do you tell your coworkers you're gay?"
 
JAD
9:42 AM
hmm, that wouldn't work here, almost none of the coworkers in my team are married.
 
was on a call.. About coming out: There are 5 boys in my campus out of 6000 that I know are out. 2 girls at max. idk if they even find partners.
Going to the gym ..(Tonu if some of you might remember. 😅)
Goodbye :) Leaving Aelis and Magisch..
 
@ankiiiiiii See you :)
 
Afternoon
You have no idea how delicious this chocolate bar I'm having is.
@dhein Don't let Popeye hear that!
"It doesn't kill you, and it's green, so it definitely is awesome and you should definitely have some without whining." <- Parent logic
It's also why ridiculous things like Spinach being overloaded with iron gets some traction
It's like saying Earth is overloaded with uranium.
. . . Why am I capitalizing Spinach.
Wait. I did it again.
 

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