I lack social skills, because I don't find other people interesting, so I fail to start and maintain conversations.
What could I do to find other people conversation interesting? (I mean people in general, not people who shares my interests and tastes).
Note that I'm not asking how to make othe...
There are two major problems with your question. 1. It's not really about interpersonal skills... you're asking how to change yourself, not how to interact with others... and 2. It's incredibly broad. We have no way of knowing what would work. This site works best with questions that are narrow and clear and specific. Entire books have been written about what you're asking. We have a character limit of 30K. We just can't take that much under our care in one question.
Most people talk because they either share certain common interests, have something to learn from talking to someone, or out of a sense of social necessity.
@tutizeri That's really going to depend on the person, though... not everyone is like that.
@tutizeri This is problematic, though. It's the sort of thing that's too opinion based for Stack Exchange. Everyone will have a different answer. Yes, this site allows questions to be more subjective but "tell me why you converse with people"... is way too far past that line.
@tutizeri Maybe? I don't know. I pretty much always talk for a reason... and getting to know someone better is a reason... but I don't generally find much pleasure in talking just to talk.
Although I agree with your added paragraph, this was not really what I meant. if not being with you makes them happy, you'd be okay with that because you're happy to see them happy — Randolph Carter24 secs ago
I want to empathize with normal people, in the experience of seeing another person, and desire to talk to him. There should be some pleasure in driving that desire. I wish I could imagine myself on the situation, then feel that crave for talking, or feel an expectation of pleasure from talking. I want to understand the experience so I can try it on me
I don't need a solution for me. I want to understand other people experience
@Catija, I'm still a bit new on how some of these things work, but if you flag something correctly, but someone disagrees with it and disputes it, does it reflect badly on your account in any way?
@tutizeri So, I asked a question early on here that might sort of help you get a start... interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/2498/… This may be the path you want to take. You're looking to understand the science behind it, not what you should do specifically.
@Froopy Disputed flags don't count against you. If they're "declined" a moderator reviewed them and disagreed. If you get 25% of your flags in a week declined (minimum of 10 flags) you will lose the ability to flag for a week... this applies to post flags only.
@tutizeri Not to any degree that you want to actually trust the answers, no. Everyone is different... EVERYONE. Being AS doesn't actually make you unusual in that sense.
@tutizeri No. It's opinion based. You can ask what makes people - generally - want to talk with each other... but not what the users here each think. This isn't a survey site.
Oh, okay. I ended up flagging about 6 answers that, according to some meta posts would have constituted a violation of the 'back it up' policy. Once I saw "disputed", I rolled back all of them. But knowing this going forward, I'll flag away if I see a NAA answer. interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/3085/…
What counts as NAA is sort of in flux... we're still figuring it out. In general we need at least one of three things... 1. actual support from a paper or book or article or something. 2. personal experience with an explanation of what you did and why and what the eventual outcome was. 3. at minimum, some sort of explanation of why the answer would work, why you've suggested it.
3 is the one we're still sort of deciding on and are trying to figure out whether it's OK or not.
3 may have been the sticking point on a few of them, but I felt like most of the flagged ones didn't quite reach that criteria. Especially the one I linked.
Well, maybe half now that I think a bit more on it.
Take steps to invite the wife into your geeky friendships
This doesn't necessarily have to be with games. Games is something you share with the guys. I suggest trying to find something to bond with either the ladies or both of them. By doing so, you'll find trust that you're really not intereste...
if they commited to making an investment, commited to trust someone, I can surely expect them to follow-up by actually putting in the work of trusting their spouse
To my mind, that's what marriage means: I love you and trust you and want to build the rest of my life together with you as a unit.
also trust in "your SO will not take others into consideration for being an even better match"? doesnt have to be cheating if your SO simply leaves you for another
when flagging, also try to always leave a comment with the reason. when downvoting that is not required. (i know, you did that with the last one you flagged and asked about it ;))
@Belle-Sophie it has been there before that. i flagged it 1 min after it was posted ;)
looking at what is happening to regular relationships they have become a "i'll stick with you unless i find a way better match" from the previously "lets figure out if we can stand each other to go to marriage step"
They were always, even within the same point in history within the same culture, many different things done for many different reasons and sustained or ended for many different reasons.
I have a skewed view of it since I don't partake myself but it seems a lot of partnerships are based more on convenience and planning then any actual emotional connection
I know people who openly admit to being married because they got used to each other's company and can deal with one another and un-entangling finances and all would be tedious at this point
@Cronax "Practical reasons" means a lot of things, so I'm not sure how to answer that, and I'm not confident generalising that people going into marriages fully trust each other.
@Magisch @doppelgreener Perhaps I'm being reductionist again, but unless you agree to trust eachother as part of the 'marriage agreement', how can you expect that?
@Cronax You may be surprised to find how little trust can exist in marriages and the myriad of reasons why people who don't trust each other might get married anyway.
(love but lack of trust, tax reasons, because of peer pressure or a sense of obligation, because it's the thing you do to the person you're banging whether you can stand them or not...)
@JourneymanGeek Yeah, lots of cultures with arranged marriages (including European culture for a long time until recently!) involve the trust-building taking place after the marriage, and it's not guaranteed to succeed.
i need a more detailed explaination on what exactly you mean by trust. is it you can trust in your partner to tell you when something is bugging them? do you trust in them not leaving you for anything you do (on purpose or not)?
@Marcus The topic may be beyond many of us here ;) It is for me too ;)
@Marcus Hmmm... is that an answer though? I'm not so sure, at least not without a very good reason as to why what is asked is impossible/not a good idea/will turn out entirely wrong...
I may be biased, since it suggests going to a women only club... but it doesn't seem like an answer to me.
i find all reasons to determine whether these answers are "good" answers to be primarily opinion based. most of whats against our "this is a bad answers" comes from missing back-up but can be easily added in those. you dont have to remoce them when they dont align with our moral compass
@Marcus My point being that I am not seeing the back up, not necessarily that I disagree with the answer (although some back up on why that option is chosen seems a good addition as well)..
@Marcus when it comes down to personal opinions on good or bad answers, that is where voting comes in. If it is missing back up, then it is objectively a bad answer and should be edited or removed
and we should ask the answerer to add those instead of just voting for deletion. i was not going for that specific issue @Tinkeringbell with that answer but to the others
@Marcus nope, do both. deletion is not permanent. after they edited the question (which can take a long (if not infinite) time) they can request a reopening.
@Marcus Hmmm.. why not delete them, pending improvement, if back-up is missing? I'm seeing a lot of benefits to doing the deletion: No rep loss from downvotes, no voting the answer into oblivion before someone has a chance to wake up and see that it needs improvement, not visible as a bad example to new users...
I've accepted an answer on my financial question that I seemed most fitting but I quite honestly do not have the energy to construct my question differently and comment everywhere so I think I'm leaving it at this. I also didn't expect partnership/marriage in The Netherlands to apparently be so different from the US and other places, it seems to confuse people hugely and throw a lot of people off.
A lot of people keep saying 'Marriage is the solution as you'll share everything' but marriage with 'shared goods' is, at least in my social circle, very uncommon. I don't know of any family/friends/coworkers who did it.
@JaneDoe1337 don't let internet strangers dictate your life. If they failed to answer your question, ignore them if you don't find time for a comment. We are helping you on that front. maybe you realized i added a comment about not answering the question on many of the answers.
@JourneymanGeek which is why IPS does have a policy of allowing some chatty comments, like those of an OP giving feedback on what worked/did not work and why...
I've been noticing a trend lately of people writing answers in the comment section. What does this mean? When you write an attempt to solve the OPs question - whether it's a fully fleshed out idea or not - and dump it in the comment box.
This is not good.
Answers in comments are detrimental to ...
Ah great thanks - I understand comments are for asking for clarification etc on a question or answer, but what if I want to give a small bit of advice but it's not high quality enough to be a full answer?
@JaneDoe1337 I hope you and your SO get things sorted out, it sounded like there's a lot going on. If you need a stranger's opinion on something, I am a man with many opinions, most of which I can even explain to a reasonable degree, and I am always at your service