The Awkward Silence

tutizeri

1:03 AM

hello?

Catija

ello....ello....elloooo....

tutizeri

I had been suggested to get here to ask for help editing this question

-1

Q: How can I get interested in other people?

I lack social skills, because I don't find other people interesting, so I fail to start and maintain conversations. What could I do to find other people conversation interesting? (I mean people in general, not people who shares my interests and tastes). Note that I'm not asking how to make othe...

conversations

I don't understand how should I edit it to make a right question.

Can I get some help?

Catija

There are two major problems with your question. 1. It's not really about interpersonal skills... you're asking how to change yourself, not how to interact with others... and 2. It's incredibly broad. We have no way of knowing what would work. This site works best with questions that are narrow and clear and specific. Entire books have been written about what you're asking. We have a character limit of 30K. We just can't take that much under our care in one question.

tutizeri

Could ask what motivations lead people to talk with other people?

I have asperger syndrome, and I wish I could feel and enjoy those motivations.

Catija

So, tell me... why do you want to be interested in other people?

tutizeri

1:11 AM

I want to enjoy talking as normal people do

Catija

Why, though... do you actually want to do it or do you feel like you're missing out on something? What do you hope to gain from it?

tutizeri

I just want to be able to talk to people as normal people do

Catija

But what does that mean to you? What I've found is that people form these ideas about what something is like that aren't always based in reality...

tutizeri

Ideally, I would like to have normal people introspecting, and telling me "this motivates me to talk". This is the reward I expect/get

To me, talking is exchanging information for a specific purpose. But for normal people seems to be an end on itself.

Catija

Most people talk because they either share certain common interests, have something to learn from talking to someone, or out of a sense of social necessity.

@tutizeri That's really going to depend on the person, though... not everyone is like that.

tutizeri

1:19 AM

Can't people talk just for the pleasure of it?

Catija

@tutizeri This is problematic, though. It's the sort of thing that's too opinion based for Stack Exchange. Everyone will have a different answer. Yes, this site allows questions to be more subjective but "tell me why you converse with people"... is way too far past that line.

tutizeri

I think that it is a very important scientific cuestion

Catija

@tutizeri Maybe? I don't know. I pretty much always talk for a reason... and getting to know someone better is a reason... but I don't generally find much pleasure in talking just to talk.

tutizeri

getting to know someone better, is feeling based? You can't explain why? Is something that you just want?

I find weird that it cannot be asked. Is important, and not just to me.

Catija

You didn't ask that, though... and I don't think that I said it would be off topic. At this point, I'm trying to actually understand what you want.

IPS Comment Bot

1:27 AM

Although I agree with your added paragraph, this was not really what I meant. if not being with you makes them happy, you'd be okay with that because you're happy to see them happy — Randolph Carter 24 secs ago

#15727 Randolph Carter (2248 rep) | A: How to maintain friendship with guys after they're married? (score: 26) | posted 7 hours ago by Words Like Jared (583 rep) | edited 4 minutes ago by Words Like Jared (583 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

tutizeri

I want to empathize with normal people, in the experience of seeing another person, and desire to talk to him. There should be some pleasure in driving that desire. I wish I could imagine myself on the situation, then feel that crave for talking, or feel an expectation of pleasure from talking. I want to understand the experience so I can try it on me

I don't need a solution for me. I want to understand other people experience

Froopy

Hoy, I'm back.

@Catija, I'm still a bit new on how some of these things work, but if you flag something correctly, but someone disagrees with it and disputes it, does it reflect badly on your account in any way?

Catija

@tutizeri So, I asked a question early on here that might sort of help you get a start... interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/2498/… This may be the path you want to take. You're looking to understand the science behind it, not what you should do specifically.

@Froopy Disputed flags don't count against you. If they're "declined" a moderator reviewed them and disagreed. If you get 25% of your flags in a week declined (minimum of 10 flags) you will lose the ability to flag for a week... this applies to post flags only.

tutizeri

Normal people cannot consciously explain his drive to talking?

I cannot ask for people answers to what drives them to talk?

Catija

@tutizeri Not to any degree that you want to actually trust the answers, no. Everyone is different... EVERYONE. Being AS doesn't actually make you unusual in that sense.

@tutizeri No. It's opinion based. You can ask what makes people - generally - want to talk with each other... but not what the users here each think. This isn't a survey site.

Froopy

1:35 AM

Oh, okay. I ended up flagging about 6 answers that, according to some meta posts would have constituted a violation of the 'back it up' policy. Once I saw "disputed", I rolled back all of them. But knowing this going forward, I'll flag away if I see a NAA answer. interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/3085/…

Catija

What counts as NAA is sort of in flux... we're still figuring it out. In general we need at least one of three things... 1. actual support from a paper or book or article or something. 2. personal experience with an explanation of what you did and why and what the eventual outcome was. 3. at minimum, some sort of explanation of why the answer would work, why you've suggested it.

3 is the one we're still sort of deciding on and are trying to figure out whether it's OK or not.

More than one is great.

tutizeri

Ok. Thanks you.

Froopy

3 may have been the sticking point on a few of them, but I felt like most of the flagged ones didn't quite reach that criteria. Especially the one I linked.

Well, maybe half now that I think a bit more on it.

I need to save that somewhere.

IPS Comment Bot

6:24 AM

⚠️☢️🚨 Offensive/Abusive Comment 🚨☢️⚠️

#15652 Flater (4982 rep) | A: How to avoid endless corporate evening pubs but still have nice relationship with the colleagues? (score: 3) | posted 45 hours ago by AHamilton (1190 rep) | edited 40 hours ago by AHamilton (1190 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["offensive"]