The Comms Room

jscott

3:00 AM

In Firefox no less.

Michael Hampton

@jscott Well, I wasn't about to turn off IE ESC.

Anonymous

fucking piece of shit facebook

Anonymous

github.com/github/dmca/blob/master/2014-02-12-WhatsApp.md

jscott

ha! quite true.

Anonymous

As soon as they bought whatsapp they sent DMCA all over the place

jscott

3:02 AM

@Wesley Are the rumors true? Are you actually with bike? Or are you trolling your ride with suburban drives with the GPS?

Wesley

@jscott I'm with someone else's bike who doesn't use it much. Got it in working condition. I think I'll drop my own Surly frame off at REI tomorrow evening to have the headset worked on

jscott

@PatoSáinz $19B is a lot of "fuck you".

Anonymous

@jscott they just took down every fucking existing api library

Anonymous

i'm really pissed off

Mark Henderson

@PatoSáinz I'm not pissed off

The sooner Facebook can piss away all the money from anyone dumb enough to buy their stock the sooner they will fuck off all together

Or at the very least go back to their grass roots

Anonymous

3:04 AM

@MarkHenderson I was a happy whatsapp user

Anonymous

Now i'm a pissed off whatsapp user

Anonymous

and by user i meant paying customer

Mark Henderson

@PatoSáinz I'd never even heard of whatsapp

@PatoSáinz Then protest in the only way that they will actually care about

Cancel your account

And don't give them any more money

Wesley

@MarkHenderson Give me money!

jscott

@PatoSáinz Understandable. But once someone drops that much "money" everything changes.

Wesley

3:05 AM

I'll even lick your face.

Journeyman Geek

@Wesley ... are my eyes deceiving me?

Wesley

@JourneymanGeek The what with the who?

Mark Henderson

@Wesley Fuck yes. Let's start a non-profit where instead of keeping your subscriptions to services that you don't like any more, we take the same amount

That way they don't get their money and we can use your money for good

Wesley

@MarkHenderson SO MUCH YES.

@MarkHenderson Like an Aston Martin Vanquish Sport V12?

Is that good?

Mark Henderson

@Wesley I will call it the "Mark needs a Lamborghini" fund

Wesley

3:07 AM

That's good right?

@MarkHenderson Lambos are hard to drive. Ferrari F12!

Mark Henderson

@Wesley Yeah but they're not really for driving. They are for taking to the club at 2am

@Wesley Will kill you

Wesley

@MarkHenderson 458 spider?

Mark Henderson

I will buy a Hyundai i30 diesel every single day for a year

Full retail

Wesley

@MarkHenderson Nooo, no no I saw the F12 on Test Drive or whatever and they said it was a beautiful kitten and well behaved.

Mark Henderson

And each one from a different dealer

Wesley

3:08 AM

@MarkHenderson I will buy... a bike.

Mark Henderson

And I will ask to speak to the worst performing sales rep of the month

And then by the end of the year I will have 365 new friends that I saved from getting fired

Wesley

I would buy bikes more expensive than @ewwhite's.

Journeyman Geek

@Wesley: you have half a bike ;p

Wesley

And not ride them.

Mark Henderson

@Wesley I would buy his wife that boob job. And I wouldn't touch them.

Wesley

3:08 AM

@MarkHenderson Reduction? You animal.

Mark Henderson

@Wesley It's a real affliction

Journeyman Geek

@Wesley: There's a local (as in walking distance) bike shop that lends out bikes to local hipster eateries.

Wesley

@MarkHenderson So's your face.

Mark Henderson

Actually I have a friend with HH boobs and the public system is giving her a reduction

She has serious back issues

Journeyman Geek

Most of those bikes are beautiful, some company called pappionaire or something

Wesley

3:09 AM

@MarkHenderson Yeah, it's true.

Journeyman Geek

@MarkHenderson: same with one of my friends. the poor thing

Mark Henderson

@Wesley They are awesome though

Wesley

@JourneymanGeek I think it's technically less than half a bike until I get handlebars. Also, I do have a bike to ride until mine is done.

@MarkHenderson sigh

Mark Henderson

One of the few regrets I have in life is not motorboating them when I had a chance

Wesley

Yes.

@MarkHenderson Your current lady is un-motor-boat-able?

@JourneymanGeek Get on Strava and watch me ride in squares.

Mark Henderson

3:10 AM

Back in '03 she was really into me, but I had a girlfriend at the time that I was enjoying motorboating. Anyway that girlfriend was a bitch and we broke up, but by the time we'd broken up she had given up chasing me and was into someone else

We are still good friends, but I regret it

Wesley

@MarkHenderson sigh

Mark Henderson

@Wesley Well right now she's pregnant, so I probably could if I tried hard enough

But not normally, no

Journeyman Geek

and speaking of beautiful hipster bikes...

Wesley

@MarkHenderson The things we go without all in the name of love.

Journeyman Geek

feathercycles.com

made by a guy, in a shed, like all great british engineering.

Mark Henderson

3:12 AM

@Wesley Hardly. I didn't even like my gf at the time, I was just desperate and scraping the bottom of the barrel

But she put out so shrug

Journeyman Geek

(and apparently he has a bike powered webserver)

Wesley

@JourneymanGeek Well his website is apparently powered by his own pedaling because it won't load.

@JourneymanGeek Dammit you beat me to it.

Journeyman Geek

yeah, I was making the same joke

Wesley

@MarkHenderson So much relational trouble can be solved by buckets of sex.

Mark Henderson

@Wesley Not really

We still ended up breaking up

Wesley

3:13 AM

@MarkHenderson OH SHUTTUP. =P

Mark Henderson

And now I have a great relationship and I have no sex

Wesley

@MarkHenderson Dude. Stop. I will never get married all because of you.

Mark Henderson

So I'd say that the quality of your relationship is inverse to the volume of sex

(first year of marriage excluded, I had so much sex that year it wasn't funny)

Wesley

@MarkHenderson Untrue. My mom and I don't get along very well.

Michael Hampton

@JourneymanGeek Damn, that web site is slow. Is it in Australia?

Mark Henderson

3:14 AM

@MichaelHampton 20 335 ms 333 ms 312 ms web237.extendcp.co.uk [79.170.40.237]

Wesley

@MarkHenderson Really? And then what happened? Pregnancy?

Mark Henderson

I already tracerted it to see if it was on an ISDN connection or something

It would appear that the dude is paying for it from a commercial host

@Wesley ... yes

Michael Hampton

remarks:        Shared hosting and customer ssl

Journeyman Geek

vimeo.com/60272348

Mark Henderson

@Wesley May I suggest you stop fucking her then. You might find your relationship on the upswing

Journeyman Geek

3:15 AM

I think this is the video I watched about it ;p

Wesley

@MarkHenderson Hand crafted cycles. Hand crafted website. Every time a customer loads our site we have an army of free-trade luwok coffee fueled hipsters type out compliant HTML 5 by hand using only the finest, most obnoxiously loud CHERRY keyboards and connected via municipal wifi. All from a coffee shop in the lower east side that no one has heard of because it hasn't even been built yet.

Mark Henderson

@Wesley In 2009, if I was late to work it wasn't because of traffic or because I couldn't find my shoes. It was morning glory.

Wesley

That took a long time to type. You should star it.

@MarkHenderson ...and then she stopped liking you. =(

Mark Henderson

@Wesley No, then she had my 4.5kg baby with a gigantic head come out of her vagina without any painkillers

Wesley

@MarkHenderson ...which made her hate you.

Mark Henderson

3:18 AM

@Wesley We'll see what happens after I get my vasectomy. Perhaps it's less to do with the sex and more to do with the fact that she doesn't want to get pregnant again

Wesley

@MarkHenderson Not into condoms?

Or pills?

Or blowjobs?

Mark Henderson

@Wesley The pill makes her fucking insane

Wesley

Or... anything

@MarkHenderson Bad.

Mark Henderson

I asked her to stop taking it

And condoms; we both hate them

Ry Jones

@MarkHenderson the big change for me was I went from tapioca to elmer's glue

jscott

3:21 AM

Forum post of one bike build like that guy above bikeforums.net/showthread.php/…

Ry Jones

and, of course, sex was better and more frequent

Mark Henderson

@RyJones ... what?!

She liked the smell of the glue?

Ry Jones

The physical characteristic of my semen went from tapioca pudding like to elmer's glue like.

Wesley

So we're discussing our jizz now.

3

Ry Jones

I was trying to re-assure someone getting a vasectomy that it's not as big a deal as people tell you.

Mark Henderson

3:24 AM

@RyJones Ohh

Nobody has ever told me anything about it

Wesley

@RyJones Sure I mean, they only hammer your balls with a mallet, right?

Mark Henderson

I don't particularly care how it affects the jizz. Just as long as it can't make a baby

Ry Jones

The only advice I will give you - and they may have told you this - is buy the tightest jock you can fit into

Mark Henderson

I assume it's a bit harder to clean up :P

Ry Jones

like, painfully tight

Mark Henderson

3:25 AM

Haha I've never worn a jock

Ry Jones

me either. buy one.

Mark Henderson

Ok

Ry Jones

holding things still for a few days makes your recovery much easier

Mark Henderson

Good to know

Ry Jones

the new surgery isn't as bad as the old surgery, but it still takes a little bit for things to settle down.

Mark Henderson

3:28 AM

Understandable

After all you did just have someone slice into your nutsack and cut a part of it out

Ry Jones

It's $10 for a jock you'll wear for maybe a week and toss, but it helps

Scott Pack

These days they do it with a 10mm incision with you sitting nearly upright in a chair.

Ry Jones

the cuts are only like 2mm or so, but they take a couple cm out of the vas and cauterize the ends

Scott Pack

Oh wow, and here I thought I lowballed it with 10mm

Ry Jones

ok, maybe 2mm is off.

it was like a tiny little cut.

Mark Henderson

3:29 AM

@RyJones That'd be keyhole surgery

Ry Jones

well, two tiny little cuts

Scott Pack

It's not like the good old days when they needed to open you up enough for the doc to get both hands up in your sack.

Mark Henderson

@ScottPack Yeah if that was the case I'd be asking for a general anesthetic thanks

Scott Pack

@MarkHenderson At that point the definition of a "general" would be ether or whiskey, I'm sure.

So. Seriously. Tapioca?

That sounds unhealthy.

Ry Jones

uh, yes. like 1/4 little glue balls that looked like tapioca, the reset seminal fluid

dr said it's really common

Scott Pack

3:33 AM

wow

Ry Jones

wisegeek.com/what-are-the-common-causes-of-gel-in-semen.htm

maybe I was dehydrated for 20 years

Scott Pack

I mean, sure, it's not like I have a wealth of experience with jizz, so I'll accept his word.

3

Oh, there you go. Low testosterone. That would explain it.

Ry Jones

the first thing a buddy who had one asked was "did it turn..." and I said yes.

mossy

o.0

Ry Jones

I dunno. it was functional.

Scott Pack

3:34 AM

> Many men compare the consistency of this type of gel in semen to tapioca pudding.

@RyJones Turn what

There you go.

the fuck

I want to know now

weird time to come in

Ry Jones

3:35 AM

the question under consideration. his changed, as did mine

mossy

hehehehehe

Mark Henderson

@mossy We're having a serious discussion about mens health. Fuck off.

Ry Jones

and we never did a comparison beforehand

Mark Henderson

@RyJones haha

mossy

ok sorry

Scott Pack

3:35 AM

@mossy So to speak.

Ry Jones

but he did a lot of cocaine, so...

Mark Henderson

@mossy haha don't stress

Scott Pack

Yeah, cuz that'll change it.

Mark Henderson

@ScottPack and @RyJones are giving me advice about getting a vasectomy

voretaq7

@MarkHenderson sounds to me like y'all talkin about cocks, balls, jizz, and genital modification. When did the comms room turn into an east village leather bar? :-)

Mark Henderson

3:36 AM

@voretaq7 Uhhh.. always?

Ry Jones

@voretaq7 about 10 minutes ago?

Mark Henderson

These are not new topics of conversation. You should know this.

Scott Pack

Full disclosure, I've not been snipped. The wife thought we were too young or such things yet.

Mark Henderson

Also we have not discussed cocks at all

voretaq7

@MarkHenderson "It'll make the wife happy, and you can always have sperm needled out of your nads iffin ya want more kids."

Mark Henderson

3:36 AM

Thats just your wishful thinking

@ScottPack I'm not even 30 but my wife and I always decided we were having 2 kids. Regardless of their genders, 2 was the limit

Ry Jones

I know a guy that had it reversed. he was fucked up for a long time afterwards

Scott Pack

Leave it to the homersexual in the audience to bring up the cock.

voretaq7

@MarkHenderson In that case WHERE'S MY GODDAMN DRINK SERVED TO ME BY A CUTE SCRUFFY DUDE IN A LEATHER HARNESS AND ASSLESS CHAPS?!

Scott Pack

@MarkHenderson After 3 years of having one kid I was ready to be done.

voretaq7

(DaFUQ is the point of such bars without cute scruffy guys in assless chaps bringing me booze?!)

Ry Jones

3:37 AM

@ScottPack have 3 - one as a hot spare

@voretaq7 all chaps are assless that's why they're chaps

Mark Henderson

@ScottPack There are times when I thnk I'm clinically retarded for having another one now that #1 is almost at school

Ry Jones

they are assless pants, or chaps

Mark Henderson

But I know I'll regret only having one

Scott Pack

@RyJones That's pretty fucking insane.

voretaq7

@RyJones they make fetish gear with sheer panels in the back so you can (legally) walk around wearing them in places that aren't Folsom.

Scott Pack

3:38 AM

She'll be 5 in couple of weeks. The idea of another one still terrifies me.

Mark Henderson

@ScottPack Well that was the theory behind having lots of kids 100 years ago

RAID6 with two hot spares

Ry Jones

@ScottPack I had three - one for fun, another to put off a divorce, another because I was bored

voretaq7

@RyJones ...and I STILL DON'T HAVE MY DRINK! :)

Ry Jones

I do not make good decisions

7

Scott Pack

@MarkHenderson And look where it got us, two planet spanning wars

Mark Henderson

3:39 AM

@ScottPack Well that just evened out the numbers then, didn't it? Kill everyone under 30 and start again

Ry Jones

@voretaq7 I stayed out of SF because people shit on the sidewalks and homeless people are shooting drugs everywhere

voretaq7

@MarkHenderson hooray - being old means I'm safe!

Scott Pack

@MarkHenderson There's something to be said for that.

/me goes back to reading @Ry's link on semen

voretaq7

@RyJones so.... like every other American city.

Scott Pack

@voretaq7 We're still young enough to get called up.

Mark Henderson

3:40 AM

It's like the 10th plague all over again

Scott Pack

@voretaq7 And you don't have an insta-out anymore.

Ry Jones

@voretaq7 dude, no, SF is way worse. I worked in Oakland over going into SF>

people don't shit everywhere on the sidewalk in Seattle.

well, drunks from Canada do, but tourists

voretaq7

@ScottPack We're at the bottom end of the list now 'cuz we're old

Scott Pack

Speaking of terrifying....

> If the semen has become so thick that it is difficult or uncomfortable to ejaculate, an infection might be to blame.

Dude!

voretaq7

@ScottPack and I most certainly do: I still enjoy shooting things and don't much care WHOSE uniform they're wearing. Everyone is a target!

@ScottPack you'd think that a guy would make it a priority to take care of such things BEFORE they progress to that point.

Ry Jones

3:42 AM

I worked with a guy who had an infection. His balls were the size of grapefruit before someone at work forced him to go to the hospital.

I get being scared of the doctor, but jesus christ, get some medicine on

voretaq7

@RyJones "And give up my magnificent, elephantine testicles?!"

2

Mark Henderson

@RyJones Why did someone at work know the size of his balls?

Scott Pack

@voretaq7 Tell me about it. Until less than a year ago my brother and I were also the last male descendants of our family, both of us have only girls, and my contact prescription is almost double digit. Don't nobody want me in a trench.

Mark Henderson

Did they see his balls on the cam they slide under the stall door?

Ry Jones

@MarkHenderson You could see them in his pants? it looked like he had a, well, pair of grapefruit in his crotch

voretaq7

3:43 AM

@ScottPack I'm a excellent shot with small arms, and I know my way around a rifle....

Scott Pack

I think when they're the size of grapefruits everyone will know.

Mark Henderson

@RyJones googles how big a grapefruit is

voretaq7

...I just don't much care who I'm shooting :)

Scott Pack

@voretaq7 I'll bet you do

Ry Jones

@MarkHenderson a, the size of a regulation softball?

Scott Pack

3:43 AM

@MarkHenderson Then imagine two right next to eachother

Mark Henderson

Wow they are much bigger than a grape

Scott Pack

A bit.

voretaq7

@ScottPack . . . you're just begging to be the victim of a misfire there skippy :)

Mark Henderson

@RyJones How the fuck am I meant to know how big a softball is?

Scott Pack

@voretaq7 I'm in a funny mood, what can I say?

Mark Henderson

3:44 AM

Tell me it's the size of a cricket ball and we're on the same page

Ry Jones

@MarkHenderson about as big as a ball could be and be comfortable held in one hand.

voretaq7

@RyJones @MarkHenderson is from Australia dear, their women don't play softball. (they brawl in the streets instead)

Mark Henderson

@RyJones In other words, @voretaq7's friday night

Ry Jones

if his balls were the size of grapes, they were slightly larger than usual

voretaq7

@MarkHenderson pfft - I wish!

Scott Pack

3:45 AM

Depending on your grape.

Ry Jones

@voretaq7 I know he is, which is why I originally said grapefruit

Scott Pack

@RyJones So a B+ cup?

voretaq7

@RyJones Grapefruits aren't poisonous - what would aussies know about them? :)

Ry Jones

ah, everyone fucks that up too, B+ isn't a set size

it's a ratio

Scott Pack

@RyJones I know, but I work with the tools I have, yo.

Ry Jones

3:46 AM

Check the second link: google.com/search?q=things++the+size+of+a+grapefruit

Can Grapefruit Juice Really Increase Penis Size? - Best Male ...

Scott Pack

TIL Elmers glue semen is the ideal.

2

voretaq7

@ScottPack Incidentally it's also what commercial producers use for milk because the cereal stays crunchy that way.

Scott Pack

@voretaq7 Semen or Elmers glue?

voretaq7

@ScottPack ....both? :)

Scott Pack

.....taste the rainbow.....?

voretaq7

3:49 AM

@ScottPack If it's multicolored something is probably wrong.....

Scott Pack

I think we can all agree on that.

Ry Jones

depending on what you eat, you can change that too

a little

Scott Pack

"a little" being the important bit there.

It's not like blueberry poop here.

Ry Jones

oh man, I hate it when I forget I ate a bag of black licorice then go to the bathroom

AH HOLY FUCK I'M DYING

Journeyman Geek

o0

Ry Jones

3:51 AM

it's always a bag of this: fresh.amazon.com/…

Scott Pack

Have you ever read any of those pre-op prep guidelines?

"If you vomit and it has the consistency and color of used coffee grounds please call a doctor at your earliest convenience."

4

Wut?

Ry Jones

@ScottPack point me to one, I haven't read one since like 99 or so

yeah, blood in the digestive tract

Scott Pack

Right. So A) Gross. B) Why the fuck do I have to be told that's bad?

Shane Madden

@ScottPack Humans tend to not be that bright.

Scott Pack

And for perspective, we just had a half hour conversation about the consistency of ejaculate and I'm calling this gross.

Ry Jones

3:54 AM

I knew a guy that was growing dreadlocks and they were bleeding. He asked me if that was OK. I told him I'd just read an article by a dentist who said, nobody would ask if their hair bleeding was OK, so why do you ask about your gums?

but there he was, asking the question

almost the entire star wall is jizz-related

10

Scott Pack

Interestingly, the one outlier is also about jizz. Just the long term after effects.

strugee

I feel like this was really the best way to introduce myself to the SF chat culture

Mark Henderson

@RyJones Green poop!

Scott Pack

It honestly started out as a men's health discussion.

Ry Jones

hey @strugee what's going on in your area that isn't related to male reproductive health?

Mark Henderson

3:57 AM

@ScottPack Like most serious discussions it didn't end well

mossy

@strugee Just remember, these are the guys in charge of your email, ATM's, and health care data centers.

Scott Pack

@MarkHenderson I dunno. Speaking as someone who's been drinking and putting off bedtime it's been quite a load of fun.

Ry Jones

@mossy I make the chips that run your cell phones, too

and the OS

strugee

@RyJones I'm supposed to be doing a study guide but instead I'm A) looking at a Tor node graph that's doing nothing and B) reading about jizz

so nothing

Mark Henderson

@ScottPack When I want to put off bedtime I play Candy Crush without any in-app purchases

Scott Pack

3:58 AM

Hey. I'm still unemployed. I won't be responsible for any health care stuff until next week.

Mark Henderson

Guaranteed to keep you frustrated for hours

Ry Jones

well I see you're only 15, so you've got a while to worry about being old

Mark Henderson

@ScottPack You're unemployed?

Scott Pack

@MarkHenderson Married with child, remember? I don't need any more late night frustrations.

Mark Henderson

What happened?

strugee

3:58 AM

@mossy <tinfoil hat>that would be me</tinfoil hat>

Scott Pack

@MarkHenderson Took a new job and scheduled a week in between.

strugee

@RyJones indeed

Mark Henderson

@ScottPack So not really unemployed then

You have a job you just haven't started it yet

@strugee I see you don't like Canonical

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