The Awkward Silence - 2018-12-18 (page 1 of 2)

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Alex

00:59

@EmC I've seen many times (not specifically on Interpersonal Skills) moderators leaving comments like "possible duplicate of...".

5 hours later…

Tinkeringbell

06:21

Morning!

Nog Shine

Good Morning!

Mithrandir

o/

Pseudohuman

\o

Ooker

06:33

@Tinkeringbell @Noon @Rainbacon I'm not sure why I used it. At that moment I was indeed quite exhausted (from unrelated reason) and wanted to, well, have a break. I did think that it might be perceived as rude, but I thought it's not a kind of insulting, and could be used between friends

I'll be careful next time

Tinkeringbell

07:09

It's okay :)

JAD

07:47

ola

@Tinkeringbell what are your thoughts on the new dienstregeling?

avazula

07:59

@Ooker I did vote to delete at the time your answer did not explain why you thought OP should not pursue their original goal. I don't know if you have access to this information, but I voted for undeletion as soon as you edited to include this information.

→ 9 messages moved to Trash

Good morning everyone!

Tinkeringbell

08:13

@JAD not much, as nothing seems to have changed for me ;)

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: Boyfriend wants to visit friend abroad. Should I be worried?

My boyfriend and I have been in a serious relationship for a few years. I have known of this female friend ever since but have never met. She visited him once where he lives now and stayed over in his room for about a week. They have remained in contact but now she is on an exchange in another co...

friends relationships jealousy

JAD

@Tinkeringbell hmm, for me they shuffled a few things around, and now everything is delayed

NS managed to stack it in such a way that now if one train is delayed, everything that follows is delayed as well, because it all departs from the same track

1 hour later…

Noon

09:37

@Ooker Your post is undeleted now. I won't undo my downvote because I still disagree and/or not really understand your answer, but that doesn't mean it should be deleted

IPS Comment Bot

10:05

If you doubt him, then maybe your relation is not very strong. For me love means trust. You may be able to keep him away from her currently, but if he wants to cheat then he will find a way (if not today, then tomorrow). And if he is one of the honest types, then no amount of seduction will make him surrender. — Aquarius_Girl 49 secs ago

#20355 Aquarius_Girl (294 rep) | Q: Boyfriend wants to visit friend abroad. Should I be worried? (score: 3) | posted 1 hours ago by Sk88 (16 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Sk88 (16 rep) | Toxicity 0.15981825 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["experimental-aic(@scohe001)"]

avazula

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps

avazula

Good bot

Rory Alsop

@avazula I think the bot should understand comments like that, and say thank you...

avazula

@RoryAlsop I think too, that'd be nice to have some level of politeness from them, as the only thing they do is throwing (mostly) bad comments at our faces ...

Rory Alsop

10:15

Especially in here, it would be nice

IPS Comment Bot

I apologize for my lack of interpersonal skills. I'm just a bot...

8

avazula

@IPSCommentBot MITH! WE SAW YOU! GET OUT OF THE BOT! :p

Mithrandir

;)

Rory Alsop

Hahahaha - very nice @Mithrandir

Mithrandir

I probably do that too much, though, with different bots... :P

ThZ

10:24

Hello Everyone!

avazula

@ThZ Who's Everyone? :p Hello to you too :)

ThZ

Everyone is you, plus all others :P

avazula

For a minute I thought I was special

ThZ

Well why wouldn't you be special?

avazula

@ThZ Because I'm not your only Everyone haha

(This "logical" reasoning is getting messy :p)

ThZ

10:30

To me, you are the only one.

avazula

How are you today?

ThZ

the only one, responding

xD

Mithrandir

You're special, but not because of that? *confused*

avazula

hahaha

Tinkeringbell

@JAD Ugh.. that sounds bad.

ThZ

10:33

@avazula I'm fine (else from the fact someone corrupted my soul with christmas sickness) and you? I found a really nice question, I hope the OP will edit it so it's open again :D

that was poorly said, actually I just catched a cold

avazula

@ThZ Oh no! Here, take a virtual cold herbal tea!

:D

ThZ

@avazula Thanks! It's great that it's a virtual one, I really can't drink real one :D

avazula

@ThZ hahaha. I'm glad then :)

JAD

@Tinkeringbell yeah, there's a train at :19, :24 and :29, all departing from the same track, and another at :26 on the other. That used to be :19 and :24 on one, and :21 and :27 on the other.

Tinkeringbell

10:48

That's really bad planning... :/

There will be situations where one is 5 minutes late, and will be parked just so the one that's on time still can go first, leading to more delays for the delayed train. And then there'll be cancellations next. :(

JAD

10:59

yep

Last week there was a point that the :19 was delayed, and I could see both the :24 and the :29 sitting outside the station

Noon

Is this a poorly backed-up, "try this" answer? Or does it have another reason to be in the Low quality review queue? I must say, I like the answer and I'm afraid I'm bias toward it

avazula

@Noon I flagged it. To me, it's a "try this" but I didn't have time to write a comment yet

Noon

It is, indeed, low in the backup part. I hope they will improve the post so that it won't be deleted

avazula

11:15

I left a comment.

Noon

I saw that. I, heart-brokenly, recommended deletion :'(

:P

avazula

@Noon hahaha

See, yesterday I helped someone improving their answer while I was strongly disagreeing with what the answer was suggesting to do. I think that may be growth towards IPS enlightment :p

Noon

@avazula I did vote to undelete this answer too after the improvement, but I will definitively keep my downvote!

avazula

@Noon And that's your right :3

Ooker

11:39

@avazula seems like you don't agree with it? Can you explain?

@Noon " I won't undo my downvote because I still disagree and/or not really understand your answer" Except the part that you don't understand, can you explain the part you disagree with?

ThZ

@avazula I was wondering, could you please tell me, when someone edit a question (whish is on hold) does it need some action from the OP, or the moderators might just re open it without any other actions?

avazula

@Ooker I can if you want to, but otherwise, I assure you my disagreement did not play any role in the piece of advice I gave you yesterday when your answer was incomplete. Are you still interested?

Ooker

yes

Noon

@Ooker Your answer seems to imply that this woman should try harder to like something that she doesn't and I personally disagree with that. Furthermore, it might also be read as "you should do it, even if you don't like it"

@ThZ The OP doesn't need to act in order to have there question reopen (unless the question needs more edit by the OP before being on-topic)

avazula

@ThZ IIRC, when a question is closed and edited afterwards, the question goes into the reopen queue, along with the message "this question was edited after it got closed. Should it be reopened?". If no one edited it after closure but you still think it was unfairly closed, you can press the "reopen" question and then 4 more votes for reopening will be needed to reopen. Does that answer your question?

Ooker

11:43

@Noon wait, so that's your interpretation?

Noon

@Ooker Yes. Is it not what you are suggesting?

ThZ

@avazula :48115161 thank you!

@Noon thank you*

Noon

@avazula This is true only if the question as been closed for less than a week. Otherwise, the edit isn't enough and someone still need to vote to reopen

avazula

@Ooker That's pretty much the same opinion as Noon that I stand by. By saying OP she shouldn't try to talk to her husband about her dislike but rather try to understand why she dislikes it in the goal of liking it in the future, you're suggesting something that I strongly disagree with. To me, OP had many different oppoprtunities of disclosing her dislikes to her husband and she shouldn't, in any way, try to do something she doesn't want to.

@Noon Thanks for the addendum :)

Noon

@avazula You're welcome dear :)

Ooker

11:46

wait, nooo

avazula

@Ooker Did we get you wrong? If yes, could you explain what did you actually mean?

Ooker

it's not she should understand why she dislikes it in the goal of liking it in the future, but about understand it in the goal of putting herself into her husband's perspective.

after she has that perspective, her decision will be better

she still can refuse, but after having that perspective her refuse won't hurt her husband, and then she doesn't have to worry what she would say to him

I am talking about the perspective-taking and assume good faith here

Tinkeringbell

@Ooker I think you misunderstood perspective-taking, or are presenting an extreme view of it... usually perspective-taking is done by talking with each other, and trying to understand the other person's reasoning. Of course in extreme forms that may mean e.g. surviving homeless for a week, but that's the 'television-entertainment' kind of perspective-taking.

Noon

@Ooker Can you develope why you thing her refuse won't hurt her husband after she has "switch perspective"? This is like a huge thing to assume

Ooker

@Tinkeringbell "usually perspective-taking is done by talking with each other, and trying to understand the other person's reason" – isn't that what I'm suggesting?

Tinkeringbell

11:55

@Ooker I get the impression that you're suggesting perspective-taking can only take place after oral sex has been tried at least once... that's not how it works. Also, if you look at the wikipedia page on it, perspective-taking (like so many other terms used when it comes to IPS/sociology) is more descriptive of a thing scientist observed, a name they gave observations...

Ooker

@Noon because after that she will knows which information will hurt him, and which is not? Her refuse will be more detail and not just "I don't like this", but "I don't like this because of X, and you don't like it too"

avazula

@Ooker What makes you think she wouldn't (or hasn't already try to) explain her point of view to her husband?

Tinkeringbell

@Ooker I'm thinking this may be a major cultural difference, but generally over here if you don't like to do something, you're free to set a boundary and say 'no, I'm not doing this, because I don't like it because of X'. I shouldn't have to come up with arguments on why other people shouldn't like it either, especially on something as delicate as bedroom preferences.

Ooker

@Tinkeringbell that can be one way. You know, ultimately one source of accepting diversity is exposure. If you have prejudice over black people, then exposure to them is a very important thing to solve it. That's why universities have quota for minority ethics

(answering to your previous comment)

but I don't force her to do that. I only say she should spend time think about that

IPS Comment Bot

I agree with @DaveG : explain that you'd like to help him, but obviously you're kind of help doesn't work, that you don't know how to help him anymore, and encourage him to find help elsewhere. If he doesn't afterwards, that is his problem, this is not your responsibility. I'd also add stop vouching for him or recommending him to colleagues, because if he keeps bailing or behave unprofessionally this is going to reflect badly on you. — MlleMei 1 min ago

#20320 MlleMei (455 rep) | A: How to tell a friend I don't want to continue giving him advice? (score: 5) | posted 3 days ago by DaveG (4186 rep) | Toxicity 0.3174438 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

avazula

12:08

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps

Ooker

yes it can be cultural aspect. In Eastern we tend to think "nah, be adaptive to the environment". Taoism and Buddhism are very dominated here

Tinkeringbell

@Ooker Exposure on its own doesn't solve anything... Unless you undergo the exposure with an open mind and intent to learn, it may only make things worse and strengthen any prejudices you have.

Ooker

@avazula "What makes you think she wouldn't (or hasn't already try to) explain her point of view to her husband?" – I don't think so. Why do you ask that?

Tinkeringbell

@Ooker Which is not wrong, but I think (from what I remember from the question/comments, I am not going to open that one at work) that the asker was pretty clear they wouldn't even consider trying it once. I feel that makes this one of those questions where there's a really strong premise that I'd rather see respected than challenged.

avazula

12:12

@Ooker Because your answer is based on the assumption that she wouldn't explain to her husband why doesn't like it, and that's a pretty big thing to assume

Tinkeringbell

@Ooker I guess what stings here is the assumption that this means the woman should be adaptive, and not the man. Why not require her husband to be adaptive and find another way of gratification?

I have no insight into their marriage, but every marriage means giving and taking on both sides...

Ooker

Ok, let's me reexplain my point. By adaptation/exposure I don't mean that she has to force her to do it until she sees it's normal and not disgusting, but to ask a couple of "what if" questions to understand her husband more. There are many way to expose and adapt, and one doesn't have to disrespect their own boundary

I don't see why my answer isn't about giving and taking on both sides. Isn't that, again, perspective-taking?

I actually think that after that her husband will understand her more, and stop asking her to do that

and if that oral sex continues, it's not because she is forced to do that in the name of adaptation, but because she suggests her husband to do that

avazula

@Ooker Wow, that's a very dangerous thing to say.

Ooker

can you explain?

avazula

One sec, I'm on it

We're living in a society which, everyday, suggests that sexual activity is a keypoint in a relationship, and at the same point, repeatedly tells us that men have a much stronger libido than women. This leads in the prejudice that if women do not want to have sex with their partner (or dothings their partner wants to do), they're gonna disappoint them.

If OP asks their husband why he likes it and she says why she dislikes it yet he still asks for her to do it, she's very likely to think she has to do it in order to please him and not to lose him.

I've been through sexual culpability, trust me, it ain't pretty

Tinkeringbell

12:25

@Ooker I think what a lot of people fall over is the suggestion of 'you have to consider trying it once' as the 'best' solution to this problem. I can see how that goes for brussels sprouts, but it's quite dangerous when talking about bedroom preferences.

Ooker

Ok, to answer your previous question "your answer is based on the assumption that she wouldn't explain to her husband why doesn't like it", I have said to Noon that after that her refuse will be "I don't like this because of X, and you don't like it too"

Tinkeringbell

"and you don't like it too" > But what if he does like it? I'm not seeing any indication that the husband will dislike it too.

avazula

@Tinkeringbell Yup. Not because she tells him she dislikes it will imply he'll start disliking it as well (that's very unlikely BTW)

Ooker

Ok, I'm not have a Western eyes so I can't tell much. But I am expecting her husband to expose and adapt to her preference too. It is because I answer her so I say "you" in my answer, but "you" here mean "both you and your husband have to do the same thing"

after having a perspective in him, she can be sure that he doesn't like it, because that's what he says to her

avazula

@Ooker if "you" means "both of you" then I think you should edit it in your answer, because that's very not clear

Tinkeringbell

12:30

I'll look at your answer tonight, perhaps with all this in mind we can rephrase some stuff. Would you say that there would be a way to for the wife to explain when the answer to 'consider to try it once' is still 'no'?

Ooker

ok, does that answer you?

yes, there are many ways to "consider to try it once" while still "no". That's the spirit of Taoism

Tinkeringbell

I think one of the things you then might add to your answer is a path to take when she doesn't want to try it even once. But like I said, I don't have the Q&A open right now, so I can't really check what it needs...

Noon

>

I am newly married 27 year-old lady from India.

My husband really likes oral sex, but I hate it... It is really uncomfortable for me and I feel like it is disgusting and I don't know that it is correct or not also....

Other than that he is a really good husband.

How do I tell him that I don't like oral sex anymore without hurting his feelings... and I fear that he will go for other women if I reject oral sex, so is there a way to explain to him that I don't like oral sex, but I don't want to go him for other women....

Tinkeringbell

@Ooker Also... the thing about the man disliking this is still confusing to me... Sure, after it's tried once he may dislike it just as much as her, but ... is that really important? If she tries, and still doesn't like it...

Noon

> I would say that it's better to focus on trying to understand why your husband likes that instead of trying to express what you want. Usually, when we feel that our proposal may be rejected, we will have an insecurity, and this insecurity will make others insecure as well, and both sides will be dragged into a vicious cycle with no way out.

From How to Get Someone to Try New Things - Kletische:

Your ability to get people to discover new things depends on your words and actions being organized in perfect combination with the hope of opening the locks to doors they’ve long had closed.

Tinkeringbell

12:35

@Noon I actually get the impression from that that it was already tried a few times.

Also.. I kinda didn't want that language on my screens (at work :P)

Noon

@Tinkeringbell I have this impression too

avazula

Plus she says she hates it. If she didn't want to try she wouldn't have said she hates it, maybe more "I hate the idea"

She also says "I don't like oral anymore". To me that's pretty clear she already tried.

Ooker

@Tinkeringbell the path to take really depends on her marriage. That's why I ask them to ask questions. The path can only be shown after they have answered these questions

but I admit that I have overlooked "anymore". If I had read it more seriously, definitely my answer wouldn't be in that exploration mode

avazula

I'm unsure whether we're getting anywhere with this conversation. @Ooker, did you have the chance to understand why Noon and I disliked your answer, as this was the original question?

Ooker

yes, I get it now. Do you still have a dissatisfaction on my replies?

avazula

12:40

I still do. That does not mean you should change it for me (or anyone), though.

My only goal is to help you make it valid for the stack, and as long as it does, I'm fine with this :)

Ooker

that is where I don't understand, because as how I see it my answer shouldn't trigger any insecurity anymore

avazula

I'd suggest you consider your overlook of the fact that she already tried, though, because if it stands as is, then it doesn't respect the premises of the question

Ooker

i would say that if she goes to a therapy the therapist would say the same

avazula

@Ooker Erh. Unless you're a therapist, I'm unsure whether you (or anyone here) has the authority to claim such thing

Tinkeringbell

We're no longer not understanding your answer. We're just disagreeing with some of the points you're making, as they don't match our experiences. Sadly, that's something that's quite common to happen on subjective stackexchange sites.

I think there is some value in your answer in that it is from a similar cultural background, although I don't know if all other answers there may be written from a more Western perspective.

Perhaps like avazula said, you might want to revise your answer now that you know she already tried, and work from there...

But that's more of a thing that will make your answer a better answer to the actual question than something that's going to make us change our minds ;)

Rainbacon

12:46

@Tinkeringbell you should get a browser extension that replaces words you don't want on your screen at work with "pancake"

Ooker

because I have read some textbooks about CBT and other related, and I based from there

Noon

@Rainbacon Ahah XD

@Ooker You should add that to your answer, this is valuable information

avazula

@Noon agreed

Ooker

anyway, I will notice more on the bit the she won't accept to do that another time. I was quick and just thought that it was disgusting for her. I still prefer that both sides trying to understand each others, so that the insecurities will be solve for once.

thanks for your time

avazula

@Ooker Thank you for taking the time to expand on your suggestion!

Ooker

12:58

For a quick fix, I'll change the last paragraph to

If both of you can approach the other's preference with a mindset of curiosity, then both of you will be opened, and you don't have to ask this question at the first place.

ok, the answer now is:

I would say that it's better to focus on trying to understand why your husband likes that instead of trying to express what you want. Usually, when we feel that our proposal may be rejected, we will have an insecurity, and this insecurity will make others insecure as well, and both sides will be dragged into a vicious cycle with no way out.

The ability to help each of you discover a new facet of your partner is that both persons work out to find the exact reasons why he likes this and you don't. **Why do you feel oral sex disgusting, and why does he like it? What me…

A J

13:23

Evening!

o/

Pseudohuman

\o

Noon

@AJ Hello! :)

A J

wassup?

Noon

I thing I found a gold mine of bad answers to a question, I will probably be able to have this waffle hat after all! (and, without "cheating"!)

Tinkeringbell

@Ooker Well, now that it no longer says to 'try first', perhaps people might want to consider re-reading and undownvoting (if that was the only part they disagreed with)?

^ @AllOfYou :P

A J

13:26

@Noon LOL

Noon

@Tinkeringbell Sorry, even mod can't do that :P

@Tinkeringbell I will read the answer later, I want my waffle hat first :P

Tinkeringbell

@Noon Oh, I can, I just didn't feel like typing @Noon, @avazula, @Mithrandir, @AJ, @cetera :P

A J

Link?

Mithrandir

I HATH BEEN SUMMONED

A J

Maybe by mithtake. :P

Noon

13:29

The answer Tink is talking about is here: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/20335/21067

A J

It has no vote from me.

Mithrandir

Yeah, I didn't vote on that one either.

avazula

13:45

Heh, I thought @AJ's hat was Pikachu. Now I'm kinda disappointed.

Mithrandir

ah well, you got a pizza instead

Journeyman Geek

pizza chew

Extroverted Main Man

14:13

0

Q: How to reassure my mother about the fact that forgetting my birthday does not mean I'm mad at her?

Background I turned 23 yesterday. Last year, my mother forgot my birthday, mostly because she was working in a country in a timezone 6+ hours behind mine and didn't realize it was that late at my place. I was in a really dark place at that time, which mostly explains why I got mad at her for for...

awkward-situations family birthdays

avazula

@ExtrovertedMainMan Yay, that's me!

Noon

14:24

@avazula I hope you will have a good answer, I personaly have no idea about how you could do that

avazula

@Noon Yup, me neither... thence the question :p

Noon

@avazula Hehe :p

avazula

I shall admit, I'm also trying to generate traffic on the stack

Tinkeringbell

@avazula Quick question, out of curiosity... Is your mother used to celebrating birthdays or name days?

Journeyman Geek

@avazula my parents forgot mine once. I was super mad at them ;p

avazula

14:25

@Tinkeringbell Not so much name days I guess, although she wishes mine every year

Tinkeringbell

(just curious if that may be reason why she's forgetting your birthday :P)

apparently not :P

Sid

What are name days?

Noon

@avazula Well, that sounds like a mostly lost battle... :/

avazula

@Sid Well, for instance, on July 14th in France we celebrate Camilles

Tinkeringbell

A name day is a tradition in some countries in Europe, Latin America, and Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox countries in general. It consists of celebrating a day of the year that is associated with one's given name. The celebration is similar to a birthday. The custom originated with the Christian calendar of saints: believers named after a saint would celebrate that saint's feast day, or in the Eastern Orthodox tradition, the day of a saint's death. Name days have greater resonance in the Catholic and Orthodox parts of Europe; Protestant churches practice less veneration of saints. In many...

Journeyman Geek

14:26

European thing. IIRC its the ~~birthday~~ death day or feast day of your namesake saint

avazula

@Noon I'M A COLIBRI GIRL!!

:D

@JourneymanGeek Something like this, yes

Journeyman Geek

sigh

The universe is reminding me I need to get a lathe

Sid

Is everyone named after saints in Europe? :o

Journeyman Geek

@Sid sure, Bernard for example....

Noon

@avazula I'm probably missing something here because I have no idea what a "colibri girl" is suppose to be ^^

avazula

14:29

@Noon It's meant to be read as "I'm a colibri**,** girl!" You know, from the colibri's theory?

Ooker

@avazula happy birthday to you

Noon

@Sid There is 367 days a year, each day have several saint name to celebrate. So, yeah, a lot of people are named after saint, unless the name is invented

Journeyman Geek

.... 367?

IDK, on my planet its 365, sometimes 366 ;p

Rainbacon

I'd like to start a campaign to make it always 367, because prime numbers are wonderful

3

avazula

@Ooker Thank you :)

Ooker

14:31

If I were you I would send her a picture of a half pizza you are eating. She will see that you are having a good time and won't worry about it anymore

Rainbacon

We can shorten the days by 3 minutes each to make up for it

Noon

@avazula I had to google it, but know what you are talking about now and it's a beautiful story

@JourneymanGeek Oops XD

Sid

Oh, @avazula Happy Birthday!! You are a year older now. :P

avazula

@Sid Yay! Ava ++;

@JourneymanGeek Actually they're 365.25 every year :p

Tinkeringbell

@Noon I do! I have a problem mom too :P

Noon

14:40

@Tinkeringbell I see that, I'm just reading your answer now ^^

Tinkeringbell

Oh and dang... I'm reading and answering a question, but totally forgetting my manners. @avazula, congratulations! I do hope you get a big present anyways :P

JAD

@avazula that's not how it works

avazula

@JAD how come?

@Tinkeringbell haha... thanks Tink :)

Noon

Anyone here use SoapUI with get request? I would like to transfert a property (id) into an URL but can't find how to do so

avazula

@Noon Soap is terrible. Good luck with that :/

Noon

14:49

@avazula Oh no, SoapUI can also test REST and that's what I'm doing right now ^^ (But soap is terrible)

ThZ

@avazula Soap is great! You can use it to make bubbles during a bath :)

Tinkeringbell

@ThZ Soap is terrible, even like that :P

( I have a skin that reacts badly to some substances of soap)

Also... hi @sphennings! :)

Glad to see you're lurking here a bit more often lately ;)

sphennings

Hi @Tinker! This is a good place to lurk.

ThZ

@Tinkeringbell My flatmate told me there are some soap without.. any soap. She uses it on her face!

JAD

@avazula 365.25 every year != 1461 every 4 year

Tinkeringbell

15:01

@ThZ Yep, I have some of those too :) The only thing I'm still struggling with is cleaning supplies and laundry detergent, because as soon as I find one I can stand they change composition, it seems.

I mostly clean with hot water.

@sphennings Glad to hear :)

ThZ

@Tinkeringbell Oh yes, that's annoying

avazula

@Tinkeringbell Same here... I feel you

ElizB

15:32

Good morning :)

Noon

@ElizB Good afternoon :P

ElizB

@Noon hehe :) Hope things are going alright. I'm finally getting going on stuff I need to do

Sid

Good Evening. :P

ThZ

Hello!

Noon

@ElizB They are doing fine indeed. Plus, it's almost holidays \o/

ElizB

15:41

@Noon yeah! I am actually less stressed this holiday season because I have decided to just print pictures for people (very cheap)

Noon

@ElizB Oh, that nice, I would love to receve picture for the Christmas!

ElizB

Additionally, any gift ideas I have for family are things I have and don't need, like spare ornaments or jewelry for my sister

it's especially nice when they're wedding pictures :)

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How to address a rude teenager at family gatherings?

This child (girl, approx. 13-14 yrs old) is not only unappreciative of what is given to her (across the board... regardless of the gift or the giver, she says Thank You to NO ONE, and actually complains under her breath), she is also just downright surly towards others. Her dad and stepmother s...

family children holidays

ElizB

I'm also impatiently waiting for my grades from the semester I just finished.

the deadline for teachers to submit grades is Friday

Noon

@ElizB To bad you can't do that every years :P

At least you will have your grades before Christmas, that's nice

ElizB

15:48

@Noon Yeah, haha. It helps this year because me and hubby are just broke... not enough money for extra stuff like gifts. Enough for food, taxes, utilities, medical, etc but not gifts or expensive trips

avazula

@ElizB Are you going to visit/see your family though?

ElizB

@avazula we'll be seeing my immediate family right here in town, and my mom's extended family after christmas.

Noon

@ElizB :/ I you had the time to make gifts anyway, that all your family should care about

avazula

@ElizB Yay! Well that's nice you still can see them :) I know brokeness is terrible, but relatives is the greatest wealth

ElizB

@avazula yup! I can probably carpool with my mom to see her family after christmas, that'll save money.

avazula

15:51

@ElizB neat :)

ElizB

@Noon They know me and hubby don't have a lot of money right now because I'm in school and he's paying all the bills plus tuition.

they don't care about gifts they just want to see us healthy and well :)

avazula

@ElizB :) I'm glad they see things that way

Noon

@ElizB That's the spirit :)

ElizB

Yup :) I havent spoken to my dad for a while and I honestly don't plan on it until after I graduate.

I probably will tell him when I'm graduating but will leave it up to him to figure out what he wants to do, how to get there, etc

avazula

@ElizB Ha, right, I remember that story... hope you don't suffer too much from the situation

ElizB

15:53

@avazula yeah... such a bunch of drama shit, honestly... don't need it.

avazula

@ElizB Been there, feel ya. Lots of love dear ♥

ElizB

@avazula Thank you, feeling that love all around since I decided that I'm not gonna put up with that drama

avazula

@ElizB Drama ain't worth your attention o/

ElizB

@avazula yup da*n right.

i just wiped my laptop's memory (after taking what I needed and saving it on an external drive, of course) and i already see an improvement on my laptop's performance! :D

avazula

@ElizB Yay!

ElizB

16:01

I am gonna use it just for school, so downloading Mendeley, Dropbox, and Microsoft products on it to start with.

avazula

eeerh I'm confused, where did your profile pic go? :o

ElizB

my profile pic?

I see it right here

Sid

@ExtrovertedMainMan Isn't that just spoiled brat attitude?

avazula

@ElizB I haven't been able to see it for quite a long time (couple of months maybe)

ElizB

Oh? hmm

strange...

avazula

16:04

Am I the only one?

@Sid can you see ElizB's profile pic?

Rainbacon

I can see it

Sid

@avazula The picture? Yeah

avazula

So so weird.

Noon

@avazula I can't see it either...

ElizB

huh, okay...

avazula

16:07

Mmh

ElizB

i'm not sure what to do

Sid

Could it be a browser problem? @avazula

avazula

@ElizB I'm not sure you can do anything. Unless you're discriminating the Frenchies by preventing us from seeing your beautiful face? :p

Noon

@ElizB Try to re-upload it maybe?

avazula

@Sid Heh, maybe, I think Noon and I are using the same

Noon

16:09

@avazula I'm on Firefox

avazula

@Noon me too

ElizB

@Noon i'll try that

I'm on chrome

Rainbacon

@avazula @noon can you see other profile pictures?

avazula

I confirm, it works on Chrome.

@Rainbacon Not all the time but 95% yes

ElizB

ahhh interesting a browser issue...

Noon

16:10

@Rainbacon Yep, I can see everyone else picture

Rainbacon

That's...strange. I wonder what's special about ElizB's

avazula

@Rainbacon Well, she's special. ♥

Anyway, enough cheezy talk, I'm off for today. Bye guys! :)

ElizB

@avazula hehe blushes awh nah :P

@avazula Seeya! :) Thanks for the compliments.

Sid

Hmm. Apparently Firefox usually has such problems in displaying pictures...

Noon

@Sid You mean that a picture is too heavy for Firefox and a smaller picture might work?

Sid

16:16

Here's something to try for Firefox users. Maybe, it will work.

Noon

Because all other avatar are displayed

Sid

Try following what that link says. Does it work?

Noon

@Sid I honestly don't care enough to try to solve this. Plus the fact that I'm suppose to be working right now ^^

2 hours later…

El'endia Starman

17:49

I haven't been able to see ElizB's profile pic (in Chrome) ever since she uploaded it. That is, unless I'm in incognito. I have no idea what the issue is.

Introverted Meta Man.

6

Q: "Show 1 more comment" shows no comment

There's a particular answer giving me a weird bug. I see a "show 1 more comment" link beneath it: But when I click that link no comments actually show up: This happens even after I refresh, and I can keep refreshing and keep doing it, so this isn't merely because the comment vanishe...

1 hour later…

Extroverted Main Man

19:09

0

Q: My roommate cheats at jeopardy. How do I respond?

For the past few months, my roommates and I have been watching Jeopardy when we all get home at night as a fun activity. Whenever one of us knows an answer, they try to yell it out before the contestant does. Last night, a final Jeopardy question came up that I was very curious about. I looked ...

conflict-aversion conflicts roommates

Noon

@EmC I was almost done writting my comment ><

Em C

@Noon haha sorry! I had a feeling I might be racing someone else to post :P

Noon

@EmC Well, I still had something else to say, so I posted my comment anyway. Plus, I wasn't going to provide links, so your comment is better in this way ^^

Mithrandir

people on main being chattier than chat

Em C

→ 19 messages moved to Trash

comments? what comments? >.>

Noon

19:23

@Mithrandir Yeah, this question would have definitively been an HNQ one. In this very case, been out of HNQ is almost nice

Mithrandir

Mhm.

sphennings

@Noon Unless your idea of nice is swatting down hundreds of comments, and at least 3 angry meta posts by people who aren't aware of the peculiarities of this site.

Mithrandir

There are only ~30,000 comments left on the site... as of Sunday, at least

sphennings

@Mithrandir How has that number changed over time? That's a graph I'd like to see.

Mithrandir

Not sure that it's possible to get that info, at least without staff

Noon

19:26

@Mithrandir Wow, where do you get your numbers from? And how often do you monitor that xD

Mithrandir

that's on the front page of Stack Exchange Data Explorer

Noon

Nice, thanks!

Alex

@Mithrandir Seriously? So I wasted a lot of time...

Mithrandir

On the other hand, the IPS Comment Bot has records of 40.2k comments since about a year ago.

Noon

@Mithrandir Do you know if this also take into account the meta comment?

Mithrandir

19:29

yeah, it doesn't count meta

meta has only 8.5k comments

Noon

@Mithrandir "only" -> It's almost 1/3 of it

Mithrandir

IPS meta bot has 5.2k comments for meta this year

Noon

That's still a lot comparing to the number of questions (which is normal)

Alex

Note that IPS.SE had 4.45 comments/post(!) and decreased to 3.79 c/p recently. Workplace.SE also has a problem with too many comments — Andrew T. Jun 28 at 12:58

Noon

Thanks for the links, even though I was already aware of those facts :)

sphennings

19:47

@Noon Do you know if there has been any progress after the experiment on the Workplace finished?

Noon

@sphennings Is this answering your question?

Also, there is 223k comment on the workplace at the moment

sphennings

20:02

@Noon Thanks, I was wondering if anything had happened since that post.

Noon

@sphennings I'm not really active on The Workplace, so I don't know :/

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir all time mod-deleted comments add up to 16.8k :)

Mithrandir

relatively.... that's not a lot

Tinkeringbell

The stuff that community members delete isn't in there...

I think there may be quite a lot of that too

Jasper Loy

20:29

@Mithrandir The other Mithrandir became a mod too. =)

Tinkeringbell

Hey, look who's awake! :P They've both been mods for ages now :P

Mithrandir

^what the parrot said :P

Jasper Loy

Oh, I haven't been active on SE in recent times. =)

I think this room has the most custom drawn avatars, thanks to avazula. =)

I realised that if we have deleted all our accounts but had 200 on one site before not earned from bonus, then when we rejoin the site we still get 100 bonus, but maybe that is wrong. =)

Well, not many people keep deleting accounts anyways. =)

Tinkeringbell

Shh, don't mention it or they might fix it, and then next time you recreate accounts you can't chat either :P

Jasper Loy

@Tinkeringbell LOL, exactly!

I deleted two 20,000 accounts before.

That's enough to chat for a lifetime. =)

But sometimes I change my email address.

Tinkeringbell

20:38

I think you can change the e-mail address for your account, you don't have to delete and recreate ;)

Jasper Loy

And I notice that when you use the same email address, you get back the same network profile even if you may have deleted all your site accounts.

So technically, someone might get things in their network inbox addressed to another person who used that email address, in the case of outlook.com which recycles addresses.

Also, if I always delete accounts and create new ones, the risk of impersonation increases, like who knows I am who I claim to be now? =)

Tinkeringbell

Don't worry, you won't keep it a secret for long once you start a new account :P

Rainbacon

Say that there's an answer, which in my opinion is not a great answer, but theoretically does answer the question. One line of the answer (which is entirely unnecessary for the point of the answer) is rude. Should I flag it or just edit out the rude line?

Noon

@Rainbacon I would say, edit it out and flag is someone rollback the edit

Tinkeringbell

20:54

Yep, Noon is right. If you can save the post, please try and help before flagging :)

If there's nothing left after removing all the rudeness (or if you're continuosly cleaning up after the same people) a flag will do :)

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