The Awkward Silence

Mithrandir

00:09

@avazula I'm just taking every opportunity to advertise you xD

Extroverted Main Man

06:11

0

Q: How to clarify relationship status with friend you haven't talked to in 2 years?

In college, I had a fairly close knit group of friends that I played games with pretty regularly. That group primarily consisted of 4 people, myself, Alice, Bob, and Catherine, with others joining depending on who everyone was friends or roommates with at the time. Alice and Bob started dating af...

Extroverted Main Man

06:57

0

Q: How to tell someone you no longer wish to see them?

I currently have a friend that I’ve been talking to for many months. I find that it’s become draining on my emotional health to continue seeing them. In this case, I have developed feelings for them because of their own flirtatious nature. They don’t intend to lure people in and have expressed a...

friends united-states relationships

avazula

08:10

@Noon Really? That'd be so cool!!

→ 10 messages moved to Trash

Good morning everyone!

It's Friday

Friday is the best

Tinkeringbell

Good morning! It's Friday indeed, but it's a cold one here in my bedroom. So I'm not sure about the best :D

At least there's no co-worker.

avazula

@Tinkeringbell This in itself is so enjoyable ♥

Tinkeringbell

Yeah, it's really great. It's also ruining my productivity on Fridays, but hey :P

Mithrandir

Oof, Friday :(

Busiest day of the week

avazula

@Mithrandir how come?

Mithrandir

08:18

Prepping for Saturday

Cleaning up, cooking, etc

JAD

@Tinkeringbell x-mas party at my work tonight. Getting our kerstpakketten :D

Tinkeringbell

@JAD Nice! Mine always comes by mail.

I could've had a christmas party yesterday, but the parties at the client I work for are never that much fun.

So we went out for lunch instead.

JAD

@Tinkeringbell here it's by tradition a market type thing. You get a bunch of coins and can pick your own stuff

Tinkeringbell

Those are quite good actually. I like the 'pick your own' types of kerstpakket.

I always get a bottle of champagne and a few snacks :P

JAD

Last year I got a cookbook (de Bakbijbel), two cheeses and a small bottle of Port

Tinkeringbell

08:27

Nice! :)

Did you use the cookbook this year? :P

Alex

@Mithrandir That's what you have siblings for.

JAD

@Tinkeringbell yup

it has nice recipes for boterkoek, brownies, I made chocolademousse last weekend and tonight I'm going to try out the Tiramisu recipe. I'm trying out some stuff for x-mas

Tinkeringbell

Sounds great :)

JAD

08:44

Especially the boterkoek one is great. It's like 5-10 minutes to get it in the oven

so easy

The chocolatemousse was weird though. Usually recipes tell you to split the eggs and beat the eggwhites, but here it just said to beat the unsplit eggs instead. Somehow it worked though :o

dhein

09:02

Hey everyone :) I am gonna be productive today. So won't look in here often, if at all. Just wanted to wish you all a nice Christmas and in case you are on vacations after Christmas rather than me being on vacation next week, have a nice getting into the new year, as well. I might look in every now and then on vacation. But just to be safe :)

@Tinkeringbell: And you enjoy your last days with our favorite douchebag :D Should be the last days now, aren't they? x)

Tinkeringbell

Still a few next week, but I've already got permission to work from home on Monday too so.

dhein

\0/ douchebag vacations x)

Soooo have a good one @all :)

Noon

@dhein Nice holiday to you too! :)

Knitting time! Guess what trees lover like me knit? What you will see may not surprise you

avazula

09:33

@Noon where are the flowers in that tree? :o

Noon

@avazula It's winter and the flowers are sleeping

avazula

@Noon huh. I thought neuroatypical flowers never sleep :p

Noon

@avazula They might just be hiding then, neuroatypical flowers like to have some alone time :P

@avazula Also, I posted this :D

avazula

@Noon hahaha, true

@Noon Oh Cash, I'm gonna be famous :D

Noon

@avazula Oh, but you already are!

avazula

09:41

@Noon Really? :o

I want famous people money then

Then I'll buy lots of pencils and I'll draw even more

Tinkeringbell

meta.stackexchange.com/a/320127/369802 I just finished 'drawing' :P

Noon

@avazula Not every famous person have a lot of money. You just have to look at those meme people, I'm pretty sure they don't have more money than the average. But yeah, having you draw a lot would be nice, I like your drawings :D

avazula

It's time I advertise my own work :p

@Noon Drawing time this weekend? :)

Noon

@Tinkeringbell Nice knitting Tink!

@avazula I have no problem with that :)

avazula

@Tinkeringbell That is impressive!

Tinkeringbell

09:45

@avazula I'm everywhere!

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How to come back from an awkward conversation attempt?

It's an auditorium and I'm sitting with my friends. There's one empty seat next to me and there's a beautiful girl sitting next to that. Not that I was interested or anything, but I'm learning to speak to strangers (I grew up highly introverted) and I thought why not? But the anxiety was real! T...

anxiety speaking

avazula

@Noon Yay! I'm gonna draw a photo booth series of us as a testimony of our IRL meeting :D

Noon

@avazula Oh, I love this idea!

avazula

@Tinkeringbell I know, I already UVed that :D

Tinkeringbell

Hahaha :P

A J

09:50

hello y'all! o/

Tinkeringbell

I really love my knitted sweater. This winterbash is good, I lost the will to crochet for a while but it's all coming back now!

Noon

@Tinkeringbell Yeah, we see you, posting the same link twice! :P

avazula

@Tinkeringbell Oh, that's great then :)

Noon

@AJ OMG, I didn't recognize you!

Mithrandir

@avazula meta.stackexchange.com/search?tab=newest&q=avazula

Tinkeringbell

09:50

@Noon I did knot! :P

A J

@Noon LOL. By the way, that's not my real pic. :P

0

A: Show off your hats! (2018 edition)

I went with Kishore Kumar, a legendary singer, for this Winter Bash. Will update it with his avatar in different hats.

avazula

@Mithrandir Oh dear. I gonna need to go back to drawing avas for this whole chat :D

A J

I chose Kishore Kumar this winter bash.

Last year it was Leonardo DiCaprio.

18

A: Show off your hats!

I used picture of Leonardo DiCaprio, one of my favorite actors, as avatar for this Winter Bash. And here are my favorite hats. Silencium IDENTIFICATION DIVISION Red Hat With White Fur Trim Ooh, Shiny! Glasses With A Number On Top

Mithrandir

@avazula Yeah, I can't wait to see your parrot for @Tinkeringbell :P

avazula

@Mithrandir I think I'm gonna draw one for @Pseudohuman as well (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง

Pseudohuman

09:53

@avazula I do not understand.

avazula

Oh, but you will soon, dear.

Noon

@AJ So, you change your avatar every winter and then go back to your regular "AJ"?

A J

Yes. :)

Noon

10:09

I'm so not in a working mood today, the only thing I can think about is what I'm going to do this weekend (which going to be awsome!)

Tinkeringbell

Same here. I'm not in a working mood, tonight we'll go out for dinner and tomorrow I'll hopefully be teaching the neighbour's kid how to crochet :P

avazula

@Noon I have no idea what you're talking about :D

Noon

@Tinkeringbell Nice! I wish I had someone to teach me to crochet, I don't feel really confident doing it on my own

@avazula Haha :p

Tinkeringbell

@Noon There are lots of youtube tutorials. Best advice I can give is to start with things that only need a single colour/stitch :)

avazula

@Noon I could teach you is you want to :)

Noon

10:14

@avazula Really? I would love that!

avazula

We just need to find a yarn store but I don't think it's gonna be very complicated finding one in your city :)

Noon

I have already all it's needed to crochet a beautiful snake ^^

avazula

@Noon Wooh! Great then :)

Noon

@avazula Yep, I find it for very cheap in a kid store and couldn't resist :D

dhein

10:38

May I share this: crackedmirrorinshalott.wordpress.com/2013/04/12/… :) It offers an alternate terminology for the NT/AT. And explains why we should go for autistic/allistic rather than NT/AT. The problem with it is thatneurotypical becomes more and more commonly be used for anything not being divergend neurological wise. So labeling your self as neurodivergend/neuroatypical could lead someone to just think you have chronic headache.

avazula

@Noon Darn you, you contaminated me with your "I'm too excited about the weekend to work" mood :p

dhein

I mean nothing is wrong with AT/NT, autistic/allistic is just more precise. And in my opinion the rational behind it is also very neutral in its implied appraisal :)

avazula

@dhein That's interesting, although I shall say I hate the autistic/allistic opposition. Autistic comes from Latin and means "auto"; it implies autistic people are self-centered and I'm everything but that. Same thing, "allistic" initially means "focused on others", and most of neurotypical people I know are way less interested in helping others than I am.

Noon

@Avazula Ahah, happy to be of help :P

dhein

@avazula: I think you are getting that a little bit wrong. The meaning of autos for autism is not meant to be self centered. Otherwise it would be called egoismus and not autismus. But it rather means your perception is based on your self. Like in not being able to understand others emotions if you don't know them your self. Lack in empathy wise. So your emotions are based on yourself.

also allistic isn't meant to be take as "their emotional perception is based on the others" but rather it is the direct opposite of autos and also to be understood as such. So it more means like others in the sense of "Thoose who arent autistic" hence, those who aren't emotional limited to their own perception.

What doesn't neccessarily mean they don't limit them self to their own perception.

Noon

10:49

@Avazula That might do a great french.se terminology question

dhein

Hope that makes sense :)

Noon

@Avazula Oh, you finally have lower case "A" at the beginning of your username!

A J

@Noon you have a palindrome name. ;)

dhein

"and most of neurotypical people I know are way less interested in helping others than I am." By the way this is pretty much true. But again that comes from our self perception. We pretty often act on a "I do for my close ones what I would love to receive from them" basis. While my impression for allistics is they usually act on "Well I wouldn't expect someone else to do that for me, so I don't feel obligated to do it my self" logic. what again would be fitting to that terminology

Noon

@AJ That too, my name is wonderful! :P

dhein

10:52

But well, as said I jsut wanted to offer it, dont feel like I want to force you to use it. :)

And I am out now x)

A J

@Noon Reminded me of this

Noon

@AJ Ahah XD

dhein

11:07

Oh, one last addendum in case the french terminology note was regarding what i wrote. The origin for the autos/allos terminology is in greek so I assume if the terms in french are similiar/identical, there still might be a slight difference in the meanings

Noon

@dhein The French for "autism" is "autisme", so probably not so much of a difference here

Noon

11:43

Next Thursday, we are doing something all day for Christmas (some kind of team building event). But, I still don't know how long it will be (and have no chance of discovering what it will be until the D-Day) and this is starting to stress me, arg!

I almost insulted one of my coworkers today. Thankfully, I was able to read her face, realize I said something wrong and correct myself ^^'

JAD

12:08

:o

Avazula

12:50

@Noon I was so stressed these last few days in anticipating on my upcoming trip. I'm really glad I can see my friends but the idea of my trip just freaked me out for a while. Now I'm overwhelmed with the excitation of leaving tonight but it's kinda hard when you don't wanna go to your planned outings before being actually being there (that's an autistic symptom BTW xD)

@dhein I understand, although I was just talking about etymology here. Even if the definition is more nuanced than just "auto = self" and "allist = others", it still implies discrimination (on both sides!) to me. But then that's just my POV :)

Noon

@Avazula I totally understand why you would freak out about this! Every time I have to go to a friend house for a small social event, I really not feel like going until I'm there and can see that everything is going fine.

dhein

@Avazula I agree with you on it still being discriminating. But I think talking of something being typical or atypical is way more discriminating, isn't it?

Avazula

@dhein I ... don't think so? A typical fact means it's common to observe this kind of fact. Typical brains are way more common than atypical brains, so I don't see what's wrong in this. Why do you think it'd be discriminating?

I shall say that I didn't have the time to read the article you sent, maybe it explains it?

Mithrandir

13:09

Eeeek! The "a" has been capitalized! :O

Avazula

@Mithrandir Yeah, I was trying some stuff but I can't get used to it...

Noon

@Mithrandir It's A-some, isn't it? :P

(that might be a bad joke, feel free to say so xD )

Avazula

@Noon ha, I have a joke but it doesn't work in English :(

Noon

@Avazula Arf, I would still be happy to ear it. Maybe we could try to translate it after?

Avazula

@Noon I'm gonna try it in English and explain :p

Do you know how to say "Jehovah's witness" in Chinese?

Noon

13:13

@Avazula No?

Avazula

In French the answer would be "Ding Dong" (which is the French equivalent for the sound of a doorbell). That's because they ring at your door to talk about Jehovah's religion

Noon

@Avazula ... ... ... /facepalm XD

Avazula

@Noon ^.^

It's not that good I shall admit :p

dhein

@Avazula Well, I think it doesn't go that much into it. But had to recheck to say that for sure. But I for my self feel somewhat discriminated in itself if my condition is described as "irregular" and "unusual" as opposite of what is considered the "regular"/"usual" case. But yeh I am gonna leave it by that

Avazula

@dhein I'm not saying you're wrong, don't get me wrong, I just don't feel the same. If you don't like being referred to as atypical I'll make sure not to use that word when talking to you :)

dhein

13:23

No thats not my point. I am fine with it, I just feel the opposite about it but dont really care x) just wanted to offer it as might not have known

Avazula

@dhein And that was interesting to discuss it :)

JAD

@Avazula look at that, it's insensitive to two cultures at once! ;)

Avazula

@JAD Yeah, I realized after telling it that it may be offensive ... I mean, I feel that it could, yet I don't really see why?

Noon

@JAD The one is Chinese, but what is the second one? Or do you include Jehovah witness into your definition of culture?

Avazula

Oh, right... "Ding dong" can be an insult in English, right?

Mithrandir

13:30

Eh

Noon

@Avazula That could be offensive in French too. It's like imitating Chinese by saying "Ching Chang Chong"

Avazula

@Noon Mmh. Or saying "bonjour, baguette" when satirizing Frenchies ... I struggle with seeing the offense in this, but if you tell me that may come across as rude, then I'll be more careful about such situations in the future.

Thank you guys for letting me know :)

And I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I love you all and I'm glad I can learn with and from you every day.

Noon

@Avazula I think the main issue is about the fact that a lot of Asian people are discriminated in French and this is just adding to it. It's like, making a joke about poor people isn't nice but making one about rich on is funny because they are in a privileged position and joking about them take away a little bit of this privilege

Avazula

@Noon Mmh. In this example I see the offense but weirdly enough, I can't see it when it comes to linguistics. Maybe it's because I also make fun of French a lot? I don't know ...

JAD

@Avazula meh, don't worry about it

@Avazula current culture appears to see anything slightly stereotypical as offensive.

Avazula

13:46

Huh. Anyways, sorry for the offense. I'll stick to my duck GIFs in the future :D

JAD

Hey, I'm not offended. I said it was insensitive.

I just pointed out that the joke was a two-for-one-special

Avazula

@JAD That was a general apology :)

JAD

@Avazula General apology! o7

Avazula

@JAD TIL the meaning of o7

JAD

:)

Noon

13:56

@Avazula I don't know, it just sounds too much like the "Tchin tching tchung" "joke" to me but... I don't know *

Avazula

14:17

How come this is a legit answer? (From Money.SE) money.stackexchange.com/a/102919

Noon

@Avazula Hey, this is terrible. I hope it's because it's HNQ and they didn't had the time to clean it up yet

Alex

@Avazula It answers the question.

Noon

@Alex Doesn't answer need back up and explanation on money.se too?

Alex

@Noon I'm not specifically familiar with Money, but many (most?) sites don't require backup and explanation.

Noon

@Alex For a programming site (where either it works or it doesn't), I understand. But for the others? Definitively not

Alex

14:31

@Noon Well, for instance, the one which I'm most familiar with certainly encourages it but does not require it.

10

Q: FAQ post request: "Am I required to cite sources?"

I propose that we add an official faq post that makes it clear when, in answer posts and also in question posts, sources are required (meaning that we may close/delete if they're missing) and when they are encouraged (meaning that we recommend you include them, and predict that including them wil...

discussion citing-sources answer-quality faq-content question-quality

dhein

@Avazula glad you took it that way. Then thanks for the discussion :) I am finishing work now. So I am out now into vacations for real 🙈

Avazula

@dhein Enjoy your time off, pal! Wishing you a very pleasant vacation :)

Noon

@Alex That's interesting, thanks for the link. But, for what I understand, this SE site still "place a strong emphasis on sourced questions and answers". And especially in case of one-liner answers. So, even for a judaism.se point of view, I'm don't think the answer discuss bellow would be a great on

Alex

Oh, I never said it's a good answer. Just that it's an answer.

Difference explained here:

10

Q: The difference between a bad answer and a non-answer

It seems to me (I may be wrong) that there is some sort of confusion or disagreement (recently) about what makes something "not an answer" as opposed to a bad answer. I think it is important that there be some kind of sitewide understanding/agreement about what constitutes a non-answer. What foll...

discussion policy deleted-answers answer-quality

Noon

@Alex "It is an answer even if every word in it is not true and even if it cites no sources". Arg, I'm dying... <Play dead for awhile/> I'm really glad we don't have the same policy on IPS!

Avazula

14:44

@Noon Those bad answers get DVed so, they get less visibility as well

Gotta go, I have to catch my train. Bye guys! :)

Alex

@Noon Well... it makes sense. It's not the job of moderators (including high reputation users who have various moderation privileges) to decide what content is correct and what content is incorrect. That's for upvotes/downvotes where everyone's vote counts the same. If an answer is truly "bad" it will get lots of downvotes.

Noon

@Alex I agree, it's not the job of mod to decide what is a good or a bad answer. That's why we request sources for! (but yeah, I can see why you think just down or upvoting would be enough)

Journeyman Geek

there's literally a rejection reason for that

Noon

@Avazula Oh, your train! See you soon, wonderful!

JAD

@Noon IPS has a weird (non-conform) view on the difference between NAA and a downvotable answer

on most sites, an objectively wrong answer is not NAA, not VLQ

it just should be downvoted into the ground

Alex

14:48

@Noon Ah, but what if someone quotes incorrect sources? Surely no source is not worse than a wrong source?

Journeyman Geek

@JAD IPS is just... odd in a lot of ways

2

JAD

which is funny, because objectively wrong doesn't really exist in IPS

Noon

@Alex Why would you think that? I honestly believe that a bad source is still better than no source at all

Alex

@Noon Why? I might even say the opposite. At least when there's no source a reader knows that it's just the confused ramblings of an anonymous (human?) internet user. when there's an incorrect source it looks legitimate, when in fact it might not be.

Noon

@JourneymanGeek Well, I love the way in how IPS is weird and non-conform ^^

@Alex When there is no source, you may feel that the user knows something you don't. When there is a source, you can check it out, cross-source and see by yourself if the source is, or not, reliable

Alex

14:56

@Noon If you trust someone without a source, then fine. You have the choice to do so, which is precisely why an unsourced answer is still an answer.

Extroverted Main Man

17:13

1

Q: How to tell a colleague that touching my behind at the christmas party was not ok

During my company's Christmas party one colleague got extremely drunk. He then went to me, put his arm around me and his hand on my behind. I found this both annoying and highly inappropriate and pushed his hand away. He did it again later in the evening. When he did it the third time I raised my...

work-environment sexual-harassment

Extroverted Main Man

18:30

0

Q: How to tell a friend I don't want to continue giving him advice?

A friend of mine, who was one year behind in college and in the same graduate program, will soon graduate and is in the look out for a job. This friend has being asking me for advice (I'm very well employed), but every time I tell him something, he doesn't follow on my recommendations. For exampl...

united-states job

Noon

18:48

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps

Nog Shine

We should flag a tp as NLN or mod intervention?

Noon

@NogShine NLN will do

sphennings

@NogShine If it's just chatty then sufficient NLN flags will result in it automatically being removed.

Nog Shine

19:34

@Tinkeringbell @Noon @AJ and other mods and 10kers, what do you think of this now? Off topic or still too broad? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/5187/137

Noon

@NogShine I think it's good now and I voted to undelete it (cc @scohe001)

scohe001

@Noon was just reading through ;)

Nog Shine

@Noon Thanks. I can undelete myself but I just want clarification if it suits the scope.

Noon

@scohe001 Schohe is every where, even when we don't know it! :P

@NogShine Yep, it's good for the scope :)

scohe001

@Nog what do you mean by "dominant?"

"I am trying to be less dominant." "...without sounding dominating?"

Nog Shine

19:43

@scohe001 Politely. When I ask her to reduce apologies, it shouldn't sound like I am ordering her.

scohe001

Hmm

I made a further edit just now to try to convey that, let me know if it still fits what you were going for

I'm not sure I entirely understand

@Noon better watch out ;)

(Overall I think your question looks a lot better @Nog. I was just confused on that one part. I'll vote to undelete once that's sorted out)

Introverted Meta Man.

20:11

0

Q: Should we retagged closed questions?

You may have noticed that tend to retag a lot lately. However, I only retag question who aren't closed. But now I'm wondering, should I also retag closed question? Is this useful? If it's not, why do we keep those question around at all?

discussion tags

Noon

20:52

You know what people? I think my new hobby will be to delete old, closed question MOUAHAHAH

Rainbacon

@Noon Did you run out of questions to re-tag? Or just looking for new activities?

Noon

@Rainbacon Oh no, I didn't run out. But people (and mod) where complaining because I was bumping too many old stuff on the front page (so they told me no more than 5 old question edit per day)

Rainbacon

:(

Noon

@Rainbacon Yeah, I was heart broken too :'(

jk

well, just a little bit :P

Rainbacon

It probably wouldn't be as big of a deal if the site had more question traffic, so that you could edit 20 questions but not have the front page completely covered by your edits

Nog Shine

20:56

@Noon Go ahead and retag We will fight mods together. No problem. :P

Noon

@NogShine Ahah, mutiny!

XD

@Rainbacon Yep, that was indeed the issue

Rainbacon

Ooh, mutiny. I haven't been around in a while. Does Mith still do the bi-weekly mutinies?

Noon

Unfortunately not, we haven't had a proper mutiny in here in a while

Nog Shine

@Noon I will take care of lurker and red parrot. you take care of busy mod reading newspaper, and we need someone else to tackle intelligent Einstein. I will bring help from other site to fight another mod who looks ferocious like a dinosaur. ;)

6

Noon

@NogShine This description of your mods is wonderful XD

Rainbacon

21:17

Uh, @NogShine, you summoned the mods

Journeyman Geek

WHAT WHERE?

Noon

@Rainbacon Maybe with does code names, they won't know we are talking about them!

Rainbacon

We can only hope

Tinkeringbell

appears in a whirl of feathers

Extroverted Main Man

22:53

0

Q: Should I apologize for being depressed?

Some days I feel more depressed and anxious than normal and hence I am not very sociable and talkative like I normally would be. I worry that my friends would take it as being rude to them though I do not do anything that is particularly rude, I am just less talkative and energetic. In these situ...

friends depression

Transcript for