@El'endiaStarman eh, I thought about that, but the answer is basically "just fill out the worksheet", and which worksheet is already answered elsewhere
@scohe001 Finally finished and printed it out. that's the longest effing stretch of time i've ever worked on a single homework assignment. I started at 6pm. finished at 1:30AM. -_- :P I am gonna be tired tomorrow. Goodnight all.
As someone who has dabbled in the BDSM community, I find this answer to be incredibly offensive. It is repeating the same stereotypes that result in significant discrimination. Labeling a sexual sadist as a potential serial killer is repulsive. Chances are, this is someone who just wants to share their kink with someone. — forest1 min ago
What should be done about this? I wrote a comment, but I still find this answer to be offensive. Is there a policy on answers which perpetuate dangerous stereotypes?
In particular, labeling an entire group of well-meaning and empathetic people as potential serial killers who should be avoided at all costs?
In fact, I'm seeing a lot of the answers to that question doing this.
questions asking Moreover, when someone asks and tells such things what does it usually mean? What should be expected from such people and conversations? could be closed as primarily opinion based as they aren't answerable without us reading the mind of the person asking
That's absolutely nothing to do with Interpersonal Skills too.
I submitted the flag. I hope it will be acted on sooner or later.
I strongly dislike this sort of discrimination. I see it as no different from an answer saying that it is dangerous for a white person to have a black partner because there are a lot of dangerous black gangs. Sure, it's true that there are, but to use it as a reason to try to scare someone away from a relationship that, in all likelihood, will be perfectly healthy? It's offensive stereotyping based on perpetuated myths.
So it seems like OP acted on these stereotypes and blocked the person, who seemed to have been genuinely surprised that they got blocked. It looks like the stereotypes have claimed yet another victim. :/
I know. We get that stuff about every other question. We've tried implementing a back-up policy for answers, but it failed. So, now everyone can just drop their opinions on here and there's nothing we can do about it, except ask 'do you have some personal experience to back this up?'....
I've had a crush on a girl for a couple of months, but I just don't know a lot about her.
I am a rather shy kind of person, so even though I see her on a weekly basis (we attend the same church), we don't really talk a lot. I've probably learned more about her from my siblings than me actually a...
Emotional wounds cannot heal without an apology from the person who hurt you. If the person who hurt you does not ever acknowledge that, the emotional wound is left unresolved and it can really leave lasting aftereffects on your perception of the world and how you act towards other human beings.
...
@forest We've had some discussions in the past about specific posts, but as far as I know there's no 'complete guide to dealing with opinions on IPS' yet.
It's practically not possible to write something and then say 'moderators are given the mandate to say what is and isn't acceptable based on their opinions'
Sometimes I feel offended when people say stuff about my autism and yes, it can be quite difficult. But other times I realize that I can't hold everyone to my own standard (if it sounds a bit blunt, I apologize, English is not my main language)
@Termatinator Sure, but if someone here said never to date someone with autism and avoid them at all costs because autistic people have no empathy (which isn't true, of course), it would be a lot worse!
I flagged it because it perpetuates negative stereotypes and tells people to act on them, not just because the opinion is one I disagree with.
If someone said they hated black folk, I would be offended, but I would understand it's just their own (likely misguided) opinion. If, on the other hand, they said that and said that we all should avoid them, I would report it for trying to perpetuate racism.
@Mithrandir Even if they were, for example, answering a question on chat as to what biases they have, and not advocating anything bad (e.g. "Well I became a racist and don't like minorities because of how my parents raise me, but I'm trying to stop thinking that way", as opposed to the obvious troll "I hate black ppl! white power!")?
Not that I have that opinion of course, just curious!
Since policing thought crimes and policing racial hate is entirely different.
Uh, is there any way for me to remove the big fat "new contributor" icon telling everyone to handhold me? I do not want to wait a few weeks for it to vanish on its own, and frankly it is embarrassing. I have 20k+ reputation elsewhere and know perfectly well how Stack Exchange works. It should be on me to understand this community's specific policies, not on everyone else to hold my hand through it.
there are requests to get it adapted for people who are established users elsewhere
but a counter-argument there is that even if you know how other stacks work, different stacks have different cultures and rulesets, and you are new to this one.
Sure, but if I am an established user elsewhere, it means I know how to navigate the site and how to ask questions (in particular, how to view the help section).
But it does mean that I know how to learn this site's customs. I'm not someone who thinks this is a discussion forum where I may need to be protected from someone (rightfully?) calling me an idiot for, say, asking a new question in an answer.
There's evidence of that - for instance, when the "add comment" button was temporarily renamed "suggest improvements", people just mentally remapped that button to the old name.
On the other hand, on Area 51, many people are new users there, so that could be why the test worked there but not here.
My partner and I are about 40. We have two children (aged 3 and 4) together, and she has one from a previous relationship (aged 11). We have an amazing house and are financially secure. Neither of us spend extravagantly, all our money goes into our family e.g. mortgage, a foreign holiday once a y...
@Tinkeringbell A small amount of success. In Shog's words, "from slightly over half to slightly under half".
Area 51's implementation was more thorough. Everywhere comments were mentioned in the software, it would be changed to "improvement suggestions", e.g. "show [x] more improvement suggestions".
Whereas on the sites, just the "add comment" button was modified; nowhere else, including other buttons or help pages, was it modified.
So you can't compare the results between tests on Area 51 vs on a real site, because the test parameters were different.
@Willem For next time, know that (unless you have enough rep, which you don't) your edit is reviewed by several users before being accepted so, if your edit isn't good, they will be refused or edit back. What I mean is that you don't need to worry about your edit, just do have you think is best :)
@forest Hey there. I wouldn't worry too much about that new contributor thing. I don't assume people are new to stack exchange from that sign, it just means that it's likely that user is not totally familiar with the site policy, which is a bit different from other SE sites. You won't be considered a noob or whatever :)
@avazula Thanks. I unfortunately have the unconscious habit of doing that and tend to automatically think "noob who doesn't know anything and will probably flame me for saying their question is unanswerable" when I see that icon. I was just assuming that others did the same.
I'm not sure if that new contributor stuff is useful. but we don't have a say in that, so we'll have to live with it. I don't act differently towards people with that tag. I am friendly to all :D
Hm, I wonder... If I create an account on all sites then create a sample question and delete it right away, would that start the countdown for removing it?
@avazula not really in general, just today. In addition, my boss is on holidays for another week and I could've really used his help on some things. Now there is not so much I can do without him. Not that I'm not doing anything, but it's a little more relaxed right now
My partner and I are about 40. We have two children (aged 3 and 4) together, and she has one from a previous relationship (aged 11). We have an amazing house and are financially secure. Neither of us spend extravagantly, all our money goes into our family e.g. mortgage, a foreign holiday once a y...
Nowadays software developers (at least in Europe) get a lot of job offers via LinkedIn. I'm always making sure I reply to recruiter in a timely fashion, thanking for getting in touch & explaining that I'm not looking for new opportunities. If I know someone who might be interested in the opportun...
i got this problem with a coworker. I do work with him for months now and the problem does not seem to go away. Since he is a coworker, i can't just avoid him. He is also kind of my tutor since im in this company for not even a week now. (I had some interships there, so i worked with him more the...
My religious maternal grandmother passed away recently and my mother is involved in planning the services which will be held at a chapel and presided over by the religious minister. My mother just informed me that they are planning a musical number for the great grandchildren to sing and that it ...
I've made a friend, Bob, in my workplace who is too much of a gentleman for my comfort level.
Initially, we became fast friends due to our shared interests and political beliefs. We often message outside of work and get lunch together every few weeks. We don't work in the same department, so t...
It's been my experience that friends will chatter, jokes will be told, family will say something, and various things I can't control will take place. I do completely agree with your last sentence - we need to make the past the past. — baldPrussian30 secs ago
Yeah, Beta sites usually don't have migration paths to other sites (unless they're closely related, like Christianity (graduated) and Biblical Hermeneutics (beta); the latter could migrate questions to the former IIRC).
Absolutely agree. Furthermore, the OP "coming clean" with his gf is only going to firmly reinforce the notion in her mind that she has a right to know about (and be upset with) every detail of his past romances. IMO him telling her now will likely make the relationship spiral downward from here. — 8protons8 secs ago
Is someone serial-deleting comments? I've had a few requests for clarification or additions to make with answers (that wouldn't qualify making new answers) get deleted.
@Anoplexian as a general answer, we are fairly active in deleting comments here, this is the meta I usually reference for that. I am not sure which comments you are referring to specifically though
Em, that doesn't refer at all to the sorts of comments I made. They're usually more along the lines of "Agreed, and here's some other points to think about, as they're important and relevant".
My girlfriend and I have a wonderful relationship. We listen, we love talking to each other about the simplest things but also the deepest topics we can think of, and we enjoy each other for all that the other person is, and regret nothing that they are not.
This is a huge departure from my prev...
@Anoplexian Those comments could be deleted because they might be more chatty than directly asking for clarification or a request to add your point into the answer
The usual policy is to add them to a chatroom specifically for the question, and let people know it's only for clarification or important/relevant info.
This is mostly an excellent answer, but the push-back about the existing relationship and its appropriateness here is preventing me from upvoting (I have not voted at all, to be clear). I don’t think it is useful for this purpose, and I don’t think it’s appropriate to try to argue the point with the OP here. — KRyan35 secs ago
@JAD I agree, and I gave it some thought while i was cleaning it up. imo this one is a "What should I do?" in a workplace setting, while the best path forward for OP will definitely involve some interpersonal skills, it will not necessarily be mainly ips. Plus the Workplace folks are a good resource when navigating superior/subordinate power dynamics, which are important on this question
@Anoplexian There's no "usual policy" about moving to chat; moving to chat is when there is useful content to be preserved (such as a request for clarification that ended up with a back-and-forth discussion), and only when a mod feels like doing that extra work. Comments are inherently ephemeral, and serve some very specific purposes.
That type of comment, on IPS, is considered to be chatty and eligible for deletion.
And you're saying it should be explicit, while saying there's no template. Suggestion for improvement should make it implicit that it's a suggestion....for improvement. It shouldn't have to say it's one.
So it's not about a template, it's about making sure you are giving constructive, actionable feedback, rather than starting a discussion about what you think OP should have written instead. (which is what started to happen on this very set of comments - someone disagreed with your comment, and you responded to them)
No, I'm requesting clarification from you, and was asking whether or not we had either a policy in place or changed existing tradition in regards to comments.
I was asking why it was deleted, and you responded with "I don't really see any value in moving "+1" comments to chat".
She said "Your comment is an argument. It's stating your preferred action and why the answer is wrong. This is not asking for clarification. This is non-productive." But they're not comments with even similar construction.
I'm not stating any arguments, brooking any sort of disagreement, or offering a +1. I'm agreeing with further information that the OP (and the Answer(er?)) could use to further their understanding of the situation and of the answer.
We can do that without explicitly asking more questions in comments though.
@Upper_Case I wrote an answer then realized you wrote a better one. If it helps, I think a good non-confrontational way to address the food issue, for example, is "I appreciate that you always offer to pay for me, but I actually kinda like paying for my own meals. It makes me feel self-sufficient and good about myself. If it's ok, I'd like to start covering my own meals, and if I ever want you to pay, I'll let you know." I feel like this expresses the "I don't want this" feeling, and also gives Bob a chance to stop without the awkwardness of telling him he's making OP uncomfortable. — Lord Farquaad1 min ago
On the other hand, it removed any defensiveness an answer(really, is it ER?) they would have in changing their answer to provide the OP with more information. It's still needed if it provides useful insight and hasn't been incorporated into the answer is it not?
Simply because people are resistant to people changing what they wrote.
I'm not saying it was necessary, but I find it helps to alleviate any inherent defensiveness without having to sound like I'm questioning their answer.
Something I picked up from Politics.SE, a highly controversial place.
You should phrase your suggestions for improvement explicitly; there's no official template, I would suggest making it a question ("Could you elaborate on ___?") or an explicit "I suggest adding a section on ___". But if it gets to the point where you're essentially saying "I suggest you make your answer what I think".. you should be writing your own, because yes, people probably won't want to change it that much.
@JessK. I gotta say, as a general rule, guys are impressively obtuse when it comes to differentiating between relationships and friendships. You may be relying on a faulty power of deduction there. — Lord Farquaad23 secs ago
Really, try lurking in The Closet for a week. Get a taste of why IPS deletes comments so proactively and why it needs to be explicit when it's a "good" comment.
3
Because... with comments, err on the side of deletion.
like I said earlier... comments got flagged, I didn't see explicit suggestions or requests but I did see a discussion starting -> comments got cleaned up
However, using the relationship angle implies "... it's not going to get you anywhere, because I [OP] am in a relationship right now." This can then further be optimistically interpreted as "Otherwise, things would be different" and I believe this is what OP is trying to avoid. — spiral succulent3 mins ago
the goal of my comment is to ensure the answerer considered the implication of using "I'm in a relationship" as a way of potentially heading off any romantic quest
@Mithrandir ohhh, ill have to check these out some time
but rephrasing into a question and asking for clarification I feel is going to come off waayyyyy more toxic and snarky than how I've currently posed it
so I'll draft up some new phrasings and check them out here
Are you sure that this is the best approach to heading off romantic intentions? The preexisting-relationship angle implies "... it's not going to get you anywhere, because I [OP] am in a relationship right now." This can then further be optimistically interpreted as "Otherwise, things would be different" and I believe this is what OP is trying to avoid. Have you considered that, chump?
I might have added one word to make sure y'all are playing along