The Awkward Silence

Extroverted Main Man

12:35 AM

0

Q: My girlfriend and mother hate each other. What can I do?

To make things clear, I really love my mother and my girlfriend. About my mother: she gave me everything in my life. She really loves me and do her beast to take care of me. But, I can not deny that she is a really difficult person to deal with and when she doesn't like someone, she is really u...

IPS Comment Bot

12:50 AM

Abnormal? Hmm... — apaul 21 secs ago

#16662 apaul (40550 rep) | A: How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: -1) | posted 3 hours ago by EldritchWarlord (99 rep) | Toxicity 0.32758895

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: On a date, if I give a woman flowers, what does she do with them?

On a date, maybe I'd like to give a woman flowers as a little present. Maybe flowers are not the best present, somebody has a better idea? But if it's flowers, what's the best thing for her to do with them? I mean, if I imagine to be a woman getting flowers, I'd feel real bad throwing them away b...

awkward-situations etiquette gender

IPS Comment Bot

1:02 AM

A tiny suggestion: I would just say that you're a woman, or that you're female. Each implies the other, whether referring to a cis or trans person. Similar for your parent. — Cascabel 1 min ago

#16620 Cascabel (1387 rep) | Q: How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: 33) | posted 13 hours ago by avazula (5283 rep) | Toxicity 0.3832045 | edited 9 hours ago by avazula (5283 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

I agree and obviously my suggestion is to fight fire with fire (not rude by french standards) - currently away from a computer but I’d be grateful if you want to soften some parts of the answer while retaining the meaning. Thanks! — MicroMachine 44 secs ago

#16672 MicroMachine (99 rep) | A: How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: -1) | posted 25 minutes ago by MicroMachine (99 rep) | Toxicity 0.143484

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Extroverted Main Man

2:29 AM

0

Q: How to Approach Platonic Crush?

Context I have a platonic crush on a person I first met through a group interview for voluntary work at an organisation. In the interview, I found out their name and after knowing a little more about them through their answers to the panel's questions, I found them a very interesting character a...

conversations social-media volunteering platonic-crush

0

Q: Moved in house to find out roommate has serious (possibly terminal) illness

I moved into a shared house. The landlord is one of the roommates. I don't know how to put this but I latter found out that the landlord has cancer. His wife told me this (she is one of the roommates too). I am sorry for him. I had only briefly met him before moving in and did not know he was sic...

roommates illness

Rainb

4:42 AM

h-hi

How do you react when someone sends a "?" in a text.

Imus

5:25 AM

@Rainb Depends on what you texted them before that. If you sent something that they didn't understand, try to explain yourself differently. If you didn't sent anything but were supposed to meet up with them somewhere, text them where you are. If they sent it out of the blue, you can send them your own "?" back ...

Marcus

5:38 AM

o/ y'all

Extroverted Main Man

5:52 AM

0

Q: How to deal with my girlfriend closing up when we have a problem?

My and my gf have been together for about 3 months now and everything has been pretty good. But recently we have spent some time apart since she is at home (we live at college and she's home for the summer) and we've been running into some problems. It normally happens when I try to ask her abou...

conversations relationships conflicts argument

IPS Comment Bot

6:10 AM

@RK Thanks so much — Teri0 1 min ago

#16527 Teri0 (444 rep) | A: Talking to boyfriend about his close female friends (score: 5) | posted 3 days ago by R K (333 rep) | Toxicity 0.04207021 | edited 3 days ago by R K (333 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

Belle-Sophie

6:32 AM

@AJ Thanks for editing that out. I considered it, but wasn't sure if I should do it or not. Is that something we should do as a community?

avazula

Hi everyone!

@Tinkeringbell are you around by any chance?

Imus

hi avazula :)

avazula

Hi Imus :) how are you today?

Belle-Sophie

Oh... I forgot to say hi...

Hi :)

avazula

Hi there! I think it's the first time we talk outside of IPS posts. I5 to you colleague software engineer! :D

Mithrandir

6:46 AM

flag-pls, del-pls | NaA | How to Approach Platonic Crush?

A J

@Belle-Sophie If there are only a couple of abusive words and you think that the post is salvageable, then feel free to edit it. If there is anything that require our intervention, then flag it as well.

avazula

@Mithrandir The comment starts with gender assumptions... couldn't go very far! Thanks for reporting, I voted for deletion.

Mithrandir

And hi as well ;)

A J

@avazula Hello

to all.

Mithrandir

flag-pls, del-pls | NaA | How to get my wife to remember to say “please”

avazula

6:49 AM

waves at Mith and AJ and everyone around

Imus

waves back (and sips from the drink he just went to get, sorry for not responding anymore avazula ;) )

avazula

@AJ It's me, indeed!

I actually deleted my profile description yesterday because I was afraid my colleagues discovered the question through the HNQ panel of SO and didn't want to confront them that way ^^

(Could feels like I'm boasting but transgender-related questions are sadly very popular around and brings lots of comments, positive or negative)

A J

@avazula ohh.

@avazula You know my cousin works in the same company, but at an Indian branch.

avazula

I actually regret asking. It brought a lot of hate speeches and I think I had enough at work. And I'm bisexual, so pretty safe from those offensive statements, so I can't imagine what transgender people have to go through ...

@AJ Wow! Does he like it in here?

A J

@avazula I am sure he does. He tells good things about this company.

Mithrandir

6:56 AM

@avazula if you pop over to Trevor Space or something like that you'll probably get some sort of idea

Belle-Sophie

@avazula I'm lucky that my manager doesn't know SE very well, or I'd be in trouble too. I don't think many of my colleagues know about the situation I asked about. Hit HNQ too. It's on Workplace though.

avazula

Hahaha, it's reassuring :)

I'm sad to hear that you needed to go to WP though.

Belle-Sophie

HNQ can be annoying when it's a question about a problem you have with a person

I don't mind WP usually. It helps if you view the people there as down-to-earth and take their comments with a grain of salt.

A J

@avazula Its main headquarter is in Paris right?

avazula

@Mithrandir I don't know Trevor Space. Googled it, seems to be a "safe place for LGBTQ+ people", is that it? If yes, thanks for sharing, but I'm not sure how I could use it. I'm not offended by their statements personally, I'm just shocked that they're saying those horrible things.

Belle-Sophie

7:01 AM

@avazula Yeah, that stuff can be horrible! I'm bi with a male partner (female myself), so I've never been the target of such comments, but some of the stuff that I hear sometimes shocks me.

avazula

@Belle-Sophie I may have not be clear :) I'm not critisizing WP of course not, I think it's of great help too. I meant it in a way that it feels sad to have to actually talk about these things. It's my first real job and, I was expecting my colleagues, how to say ... to be more ... mature?

Mithrandir

@avazula It was a reply to the statement that you don't know what trans people go through. I was saying that reading stuff there might give you an inkling :)

avazula

@AJ Yes it is I think!

@Belle-Sophie I'm exactly in the same situation, so I totally get it.

@Mithrandir Oh okay, thanks Mith :)

Belle-Sophie

@avazula Ohh that's what you meant :) I personally think it's good that I'm able to go to WP. It means I believe it's solveable and I don't need to jump ship.

A J

@avazula I also tried to get a job there, but couldn't. There are like thousand applications for a couple of vacancies in that company.

avazula

7:05 AM

@AJ Were you applying for an engineer position?

A J

@avazula yes. software engineer.

avazula

@AJ So many of us around here :)

@AJ You know, I think Orange FR is looking for foreign people for filling positions here in France

A J

@avazula Really?

But I will have to move to France, won't I?

avazula

I don't know much about but if you're enclined to move abroad, you might consider going on orange jobs. I'm not advertising for my company ahah, but I think besides my bunch of coworkers (I think I didn't pick the good office, I'll actually change in october, hurray), there's a great atmosphere in here.

A J

@avazula It can't be worse than where I am right now. ;)

avazula

7:09 AM

It's very likely, though they may offer you remote jobs or to play intermediate with India

@AJ Really? Are you in a big corporate too?

A J

@avazula Not that big, but not that small.

Belle-Sophie

I'm sometimes considering moving to France. My boyfriend doesn't want to though. He thinks the French hate him.

avazula

@Belle-Sophie Why would he be hated by French specifically?

Cashbee

@Belle-Sophie doesn't he like brie? if so, then yes the french hate him :D

Belle-Sophie

Orange seems like a nice company to work for. I considered Ubisoft too, the game industry seems fun.

Lol. He loves brie. He's English.

avazula

7:12 AM

@AJ Oh. What does make that you don't like it in here?

Imus

@avazula My best guess would be he doesn't speak french. <\ joke>

A J

@avazula If this is the case, I might try to apply again. Can I shoot a mail to HR department regarding whether to move to France or not?

avazula

@Belle-Sophie Orange is great, yeah. Sadly it's because they were so many suicides in France in this company in the last decade, they made big chances about the company policy. Now it's really pleasant to work there, there's not much stress, but it's sad when you know what made the atmosphere change.

A J

@avazula Colleagues are great, but boss and TL are worst.

Imus

makes me wonder what it was like before that cause people to even consider suicide :o

avazula

7:15 AM

Ubisoft is great too, but I'd advise to go to the Vannes office instead of the Paris headquarters. Living in Paris is not so great. My boyfriend actually works for the founders of Ubisoft (they founded another company focusing on VR and medical help)

@Imus That is indeed a way to not get along with most French people ahah!

A J

@avazula I see my cousin stress-free and pretty much happy. So, it is possible.

avazula

@AJ Well it may not be the best way to get an answer, so I'd rather send you a direct link of where you could apply.

A J

@avazula I know the website, as I have an account there. :)

avazula

@Imus Yes, it was pretty difficult working there back in the days.

Belle-Sophie

@avazula My best friend lives in Paris. That's an upside, though!

Imus

7:17 AM

@avazula Well ok, but why suicide instead of just search for a different job?

avazula

@AJ Ohoh, perfect then! You may have better luck from here :)

Let me know how it goes!

A J

Will do!

Belle-Sophie

Good luck, AJ!

avazula

@Belle-Sophie I'm sure he likes it :) I wouldn't appreciate it though. I prefer smaller, nearer to beach cities :)

@Imus I guess the situation was too difficult ... I had suffered from depression and contemplated suicide for a while after I survived a terror attack, I guess it's similar in this case.

Belle-Sophie

@avazula Yeah, I'd miss my beach. Even though I hate the seagulls. My best friend moved to Paris because of her boyfriend living there.

avazula

7:21 AM

@Belle-Sophie And why would you like to move to France? (I'm a big fan of your country, and we French people have such bad reputation abroad!)

Belle-Sophie

Depression can be difficult. I believed there was no way out of my uni situation (read my question on academia if you want to know more), but I'm feeling a lot better after I just quit. Quiting a job is sometimes not easy or possible though.

@avazula I love France! It has great atmosphere. Hmm, is a 3 hour commute doable? :P

Cashbee

doable? yes. Do you really want that? no

avazula

@Belle-Sophie I'm sorry you had to get through this. It's a very difficult situation and the suffering is usually roasted

@Belle-Sophie I think you'd get exhausted really quickly :)

Tinkeringbell

@avazula I've just returned from the dentist. Can I still help?

Belle-Sophie

@avazula I'm happy where I am now. My employer is supporting my decision and will fund me through Goldsmith's new Computer Science course. :)

avazula

7:26 AM

@Tinkeringbell Hi! :)

I was considering giving a bounty to a answer, and wanted to know how to do it and if it was a good idea

@Belle-Sophie I'm really glad to hear this :)

Belle-Sophie

Hi Tinkeringbell :)

Imus

@Belle-Sophie 3 hour commute is not doable. It's ok if it's only in a transitional phase where you're having to do that commute for a couple of weeks untill you can move into your new place close to your job but losing 6 hours each day is A LOT. :p

Belle-Sophie

I don't think I'll apply for a job in France just yet then. I'll stick to occassionally visiting Paris.

Tinkeringbell

:45704294If you think the answer is exemplary, why not? I think there's this thing with the post notices messing up though (if you're talking about answers to your question that I put the notice up yesterday). Try putting the bounty up, and if it doesn't show the yellow bounty banner underneath your post, let me know. It probably will once I disable the controversial post notice then :)

IPS Comment Bot

+1. Each time a guy reached out to my wife on social media, it always was about intimate relationship ultimately. Even if she got me involved, I was seen merely as a challenge to be worked around. It doesn't matter how many times she stated she's looking for a chat buddy, it doesn't matter how many times the guy reaffirmed that, there was a move sooner or later, and great disappointment that "she lead them on". Dr House was right: people lie. Not just that, people expect that you lie as well! — Agent_L 35 secs ago

#16678 Agent_L (680 rep) | A: How can I tactfully discuss the intentions of an online acquaintance before meeting? (score: 0) | posted 5 hours ago by mxyzplk (109 rep) | Toxicity 0.57823396

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

Tinkeringbell

7:30 AM

For every other question, you can just put up the bounty by clicking on the bounty button ;)

avazula

@Tinkeringbell thanks :)

Tinkeringbell

meta.stackexchange.com/questions/16065/… should have some instructions on how to award bounties :)

avazula

I'm reconsidering it though, I'm afraid it'd just attract plenty of comments under this answer

Tinkeringbell

@avazula Don't worry about that. You can put up the bounty, and you have to wait 24 hours before you can award it. By that time, the worst storm should be over anyway ;)

We can just clean stuff up, make a chatroom, whatever ;)

Belle-Sophie

I checked prices on appartments comparable to mine in some cities. Crazy stuff! I wouldn't know how to afford them. An appartment in Amsterdam is 4x my rent!

Another reason to stay here :)

avazula

7:34 AM

@Belle-Sophie I guess your wage would be higher then, but still, I couldn't get why it's so worth it to move to the capital city

Mithrandir

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps

Belle-Sophie

@avazula Yeah, I earn under average for a software developer, but way over average for the region

Mithrandir

flag-pls, del-pls | NaA | How can I tactfully discuss the intentions of an online acquaintance before meeting?

avazula

@Tinkeringbell Thank you for the details. I'll pick a tickable answer and then give the bounty :)

(I wanted to give the bounty especially because the answer does not best address my question but I think it is of great value. It is why we use bounties for, right?)

Belle-Sophie

7:37 AM

@avazula The top one?

Tinkeringbell

@avazula Errr... I try to reserve them for exceptional answers, that do a great job of answering the question, are backed up (personal experience/references) and do a great job of explaining the parallels between my situation and theirs.

I'd personally never award one to an answer that doesn't answer my question. But it's your bounty ;)

Mithrandir

flag-pls, del-pls | NaA | How can I explain to a friend's child that I don't like sleepovers without parents?

Belle-Sophie

What's with people upvoting answers without sources or experience? This is not facebook!

avazula

@Tinkeringbell This is pretty much why I wanted to discuss it with you. Thanks :)

I'll think about it.

@Belle-Sophie Nope. Top one has serious issues to me, I wouldn't try that.

Tinkeringbell

@Belle-Sophie Well, you could leave a comment, perhaps point to stackoverflow.blog/2010/09/29/good-subjective-bad-subjective and ask if they could take some time to see where their answer came from, since the greatest answers focus on expertise ;)

Belle-Sophie

7:44 AM

@Tinkeringbell They're in review already with comments on, luckily :)

Tinkeringbell

@Belle-Sophie Oh good :)

Mithrandir

eyeballs-requested | How to tell my roommates that I want to move out ASAP when they say they rely on my rent?

Tinkeringbell

@Belle-Sophie Remember though, an answer that says what do to, how to do it and why it would work (even if that's not from personal experience) is technically still allowed after that last meta post on back up

Mithrandir

eyeballs-requested | How can I explain to a friend's child that I don't like sleepovers without parents?

Belle-Sophie

It's just, sometimes they have between 5 and 20 upvotes.

avazula

7:46 AM

@Mithrandir I'm sorry, what's eyesballs ?

Belle-Sophie

@Tinkeringbell Sadly, that "why it would work" part is often missing.

Tinkeringbell

@Belle-Sophie Yep...

Mithrandir

@avazula means I'm not sure if it's deletable or not and want other people's opinions - or, for them to look at it. So, since you use your eyes to look at things...

avazula

@Belle-Sophie But it's getting better and better actually! I may be optimistic but it seems like the comment intervention is working :)

Tinkeringbell

(Also, I've just made up those three, so .. don't take them as a hard rule ;) )

avazula

7:47 AM

(Well, not sure for the new users, but ... I stick with this opinion! n_n)

Belle-Sophie

@Tinkeringbell I think they sum it up really well. And indeed, it seems to be going better!

avazula

@Mithrandir Oh, okay. I was confused about the ball part. Makes sense indeed.

Tinkeringbell

Well, if it does, that's great :) Maybe having moderators that are always online helps ;)

avazula

@Tinkeringbell I'm currently feeling bad because I'm chatting with you guys at work ahah

Tinkeringbell

Don't worry. I'm doing the same XD

Belle-Sophie

7:49 AM

@avazula What do you think we are doing? ;) at least me

avazula

But sometimes I feel more useful as a "high-rep" user here than as an engineer in a big corpo ...

Tinkeringbell

I'm working from home though, those days are always a little slower (and I'm only assigned to this project for 3,5 days a week ;) )

@avazula Oh sure, here you can actually do a lot of stuff :P

avazula

@Tinkeringbell Do you enjoy working remotely? I'm considering the idea

Imus

@Mithrandir I had that one flagged since the advice could potentially be harmful as explained by OP's comment on the answer ...

Tinkeringbell

@avazula Yes and no ;)

It's a bit more difficult to communicate with a whole bunch of new people, I pick up on how to communicate something to someone a lot easier if I meet those people in person.

And it's boring to have no-one to talk too (hence why I'm here).

Also, there's no latte macchiato's at home.

But I like the fact that I don't have to travel 2 days a week

Belle-Sophie

7:51 AM

@Mithrandir I think deletion is warranted on that one. It's somewhat backed up, but appears to be backed up by "common sense", which, as we know, is neither common nor sense.

Mithrandir

@Belle-Sophie Try taking a look at this.

Cashbee

@Mithrandir I actually think we should let this one stay. it has a good amount of DVs but most of all, OP has an awesome comment under it stating why this is not a good answer.

leaving up this answer will prevent any future similar answers

Imus

@Cashbee that's actually a good point ... didn't think of it like that

avazula

@Tinkeringbell Thanks for sharing. I'd be afraid to be too distracted at home

Tinkeringbell

@avazula I often am ;)

Right now, mom asked me to come down for a cup of tea. That will mean another half hour wasted :P

Belle-Sophie

7:55 AM

@Mithrandir Nice one :O crazy stuff

avazula

@Tinkeringbell I actually think we work for way too long to be really productive. Maybe the tea'll help :)

Imus

@Tinkeringbell "Sorry mom, I'm too busy pretending to work right now" "Mind bringing one upstares for me?"

Tinkeringbell

@Imus I'm not allowed to have snacks/drinks in my bedroom

I'm 27 but some of the toddler rules still count :(

Imus

Welp, time to move out

Tinkeringbell

That reminds me, I need to revisit the sticker policy XD

Imus

7:57 AM

it's a good rule though :)

Tinkeringbell

@Imus Meh. I think it was meant to protect the carpet. I already spilled so much paint and make-up on that though... :P

Belle-Sophie

@Tinkeringbell I used to have that rule. My parents reversed it when I got sick because I didn't eat/drink enough. Not sure if I would recommend that tactic, though!

avazula

@Tinkeringbell Always finding a way to desobey! :o

Tinkeringbell

Hahaha :D

Belle-Sophie

Break time!

Next break it's home time. Took half a day off. I need to look after my visitor. She's home alone right now. Staying for two more nights.

Cashbee

8:00 AM

@Tinkeringbell whaaaaaaa?

Marcus

o/

Mithrandir

So... why is this comment worth keeping?

Interesting idea. I'll keep it handy as a backup plan, in case he won't listen to reason when I tell him no next time :-) — Gertsen 1 hour ago

avazula

@Mithrandir It's not. But I used all my delete votes for today ._.

Mithrandir

You can't VTD comments anyway ;). I flagged it and it was declined, so I'm wondering what I'm missing.

Marcus

@Tinkeringbell so you still live with your parents?

avazula

8:14 AM

@Mithrandir Oh, that's weird indeed.

Mithrandir

close-pls | Unclear | Is my INDIAN maths teacher a superhuman?

just...wut

avazula

@Mithrandir This is magic.

Sid

@Mithrandir Black magic

Imus

@Mithrandir reviewer thinking it's useful in showing how the OP thinks about it?

Sid

@Tinkeringbell You will always be a toddler for your parents. :P

@Mithrandir I also didn't know Rafael Nadal lives in the US and studies mathematics. :P

Belle-Sophie

8:20 AM

workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/115914/… Now it's closed. WP confuses me.

avazula

@Imus OP expresses they agree by UV, not writing (unnecessary) comments. Comments are strictly here to suggest improvements or ask for clarifications.

Extroverted Main Man

-4

Q: Is my INDIAN maths teacher a superhuman?

I live in U.S but in my campus i have a indian mathematics teacher. He is really abnormal he never use any books ,pen or paper he just all have in his mega mind .he answers each question quickly so fast even without using pen or paper. His questions are really of different level even whole our qu...

united-states

avazula

I regret it sometimes since I'd love to thank answerers, but that's the rules ;)

Belle-Sophie

OP's latest comment on that question :O

How do I copy a comment here?

Mithrandir

Paste a link to the comment.

The timestamp is a link.

Belle-Sophie

8:24 AM

why everyone is putting my question on hold it's really rude.....but don't worry one day i will become like my teacher and show the world i too can do great things — Rafael Nadal 1 min ago

Sid

...Okay. what is this all about?

Belle-Sophie

@Sid Popeye, I suppose

@Sid Avatar seems like a strong guy. From India. Shows up when this question gets asked. You're the teacher!

I hope that joke's okay :)

Marcus

this was supposed to be a meme link

let me try again cf.chucklesnetwork.com/items/1/3/6/1/9/original/…

link doesnt get resolved :/

Belle-Sophie

I can see it

Tinkeringbell

8:45 AM

@Marcus Yes. I'm trying to buy an apartment, but prices are crazy right now.

Mithrandir

→ 8 messages moved to Trash

Belle-Sophie

@Tinkeringbell Tell me about it!

Tinkeringbell

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/16576/1599 has a lot of answers ;) If anyone has any eyeballs left after that storm of @Mith lately, maybe there's some here that are duplicates or naa... :)

Extroverted Main Man

1

Q: How to reject a friend who comes only when he needs help without being rude

Currently, I am living in Germany, and I have an old friend (he was my neighbor also in country of origin) who moved here a few months ago, and by luck, he is living now not far from my home. Generally, I like to help people, especially who I know (family or friends), just this friend broke cont...

friends friendship tunisia

SmokeDetector

[ SmokeDetector | MS ] Bad keyword with email in answer: How to find out if my text messages are appreciated? by lisa anderson on interpersonal.SE

IPS Comment Bot

9:11 AM

Reminder to downvoters that this isn't reddit. Unless you think both that this answer isn't salvageable, and that it's not worth giving the Asker as many different viewpoints as possible it'd be better to just not upvote. Personally I'd suggest that you should make an attempt to still answer the question. Since you're suggesting that this is definitely a date or attempt at planting seeds, maybe you should suggest the Asker say something like "This does have quite a few characteristics of a date. You know this isn't and that I won't appreciate you attempting something in the future, right?". — Philbo 56 secs ago

#16678 Philbo (129 rep) | A: How can I tactfully discuss the intentions of an online acquaintance before meeting? (score: -4) | posted 7 hours ago by mxyzplk (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.15685546

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Tinkeringbell

Hey Philbo! In regard to the comment above: downvoting bad answers is necessary, to set an example. You're right, this isn't reddit :P We can also vote for the quality of answers. It's better to downvote than do absolutely nothing on a post that doesn't answer the question ;)

I must admit that I'm a huge fan of a comment to explain the mistake they made too, but not downvoting isn't one of the things I'd recommend.

Cashbee

well said. and welcome Philbo 😀

Philbo

Ah Ok, I'm just not a fan of not at least leaving a comment. I think Frame Challenge answers are going to be more likely on an IPS Stackexchange because sometimes the Asker just doesn't seem to have a clue (that sounds ruder than I mean). Take most of the answers to the HNQ: https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/16441/how-to-convince-my-wife-that-my-best-friend-and-i-are-just-friends

I consider that answer as a frame challenge that's probably worthy of keeping so long as he does attempt to answer the question anyway.

and thanks. I'll remove that part of my comment.

Tinkeringbell

@Philbo Thanks :) On the part of frame-challenges... I'm struggling with a lot of those. I've perhaps written one or two, but they've always been very long. It's quite hard to explain a.) What you could do. b.) Why that would likely not even work (preferably backed up with personal experience). c.) Another Interpersonal Skills solution to the problem, also explaining why that would work better, and achieve the same result or at least something that's similarly desirable...

Cashbee

yes it could be edited to become a frame challenge. but currently it isn't. One could give the answerer this meta link on how to write a good frame challenge.

Tinkeringbell

9:22 AM

I'm kinda struggling with the answers you linked to that question, because a lot of answers here simply say 'You can't , you don't...' they don't offer an actual solution besides 'suck it up'. And that's not a frame challenge, that's simply neglecting the premise of a question (IMO. Mod hat was off during this tiny rant ;) )

Cashbee

As the answer does not fulfill these criteria, it is not a frame challenge and has to be deleted as not-an-answer. keep in mind that the "deleted* status is not everlasting - the writer can edit and request for undeletion.

Philbo

@Tinkeringbell In that example though, I think we have to almost follow a hypocratic oath style, and the "first do no harm" there is that hundreds of people think the Asker is putting their marriage at risk.

Tinkeringbell

@Philbo Yes. And we have a few good answers (I think the accepted one is one of those) that explain that the marriage may be at risk, and what OP can do to fix it (and still remain friends with Katie).

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/16479/1599 But this one for example, I wouldn't consider calling a frame-challenge

Philbo

@Tinkeringbell That one is very much agony aunt, less interpersonal skill :)

Cashbee

are you looking for good frame challenge answers? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/11070/8077

Philbo

9:32 AM

@Tinkeringbell you know I initially thought that the question was a bit of a troll one, because I've never heard of anyone here in the UK who does wrestling (assuming he means the actual sport that American's do, as opposed to the WWE kind), plus I can't imagine that adult classes would be mixed due to weight difference if nothing else.

Tinkeringbell

@Philbo We've looked into that, and found not enough evidence to delete the question for that reason ;)

avazula

Oh, already done! Thanks.

Philbo

@Tinkeringbell did you find any evidence of actual wrestling classes here in the UK? Just reading that IPS it seems like a good way to meet girls :P (joking!).

Tinkeringbell

@Philbo Not necessarily wrestling, but I know a few people that are of mixed gender that train together ;) Maybe tournaments are separated, but I get the impression OP is just training... Also, I've googled (must admit, Dutch) and there's definitely classes that are mixed.

Mithrandir

→ 10 messages moved to private chat dump from mith's desk

Tinkeringbell

9:37 AM

@Mithrandir Heh... I'm slow XD

Mithrandir

it helps that i have a dedicated room for things like that

Belle-Sophie

@avazula Mith's a mod too :) (we're surrounded!)

avazula

@Mithrandir Indeed n_n

@Belle-Sophie Oh right I forgot, blue aliases, I'm too used to IPS mods

Mithrandir

flag-pls, del-pls | VLQ / NaA | How to ask my local baker if he is always selling freshly baked bread

Cashbee

cursive aliases are still the best though

Tinkeringbell

9:47 AM

@avazula Doesn't matter, we like to moderate our own site :D

Belle-Sophie

@Mithrandir Left a comment on that one. It appears to be a duplicate answer to interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/16616/12101 anyway.

Do we do anything with duplicate answers? (Note that my French is not very good, but I think I understand the answer)

Cashbee

@Belle-Sophie flag as not-an-answer, write comment saying so. But it being a duplicate is only the third highest problem with it. 1: it's french 2: it's a try this answer

which you commented on nicely

avazula

It's actually not good French

Cashbee

@avazula i though so too but was unsure since it isn't my first language either. is "je me sens" correct?

avazula

I think the author was trying to say "Hello sir, it seems this bread does not look good ... Is it fresh?"

"je me sens" -> litteraly "I feel I'm"

Belle-Sophie

9:53 AM

@avazula I was wondering about that. "... que ce pain la est mal" seems off to me

Cashbee

@Belle-Sophie that seems ok to me. "[i think] .. that this bread here is bad"

Belle-Sophie

@Cashbee That can be correct. "Je me sens bien" means "I feel good". But not in this context

avazula

@Belle-Sophie Doesn't mean anything in French. I think they intended to say "that this bread looks bad"

Belle-Sophie

@Cashbee that'd at least be "là"

avazula

It seems like it's been directly translated from English.

Tinkeringbell

9:55 AM

@Belle-Sophie If they're just repeating what already was in another answer, and don't add anything to it... they can be deleted.

Cashbee

@Belle-Sophie ok i get it. sentir can be transitive

avazula

@Belle-Sophie It should have been, indeed. But still, correct French phrasing would have been : "Bonjour Monsieur, ce pain n'a pas l'air bon ... Il est frais?"

But it's incredibly rude anyways

Tinkeringbell

@avazula,with regard to your question, would you like Cascabel to check the pronouns? Or are you sure they're correct?

IPS Comment Bot

+1, I liked this way, just the last sentence you'd need to find help somewhere else isn't it offensive or too rude? — Moslem Ch 1 min ago

Tinkeringbell

I'm guessing since it's your mother, you know best... but hey..

Belle-Sophie

9:57 AM

I'm still learning French :)

avazula

"Sentir" in French applies both to smells ("ça sent bon" -> "it smells good", hence the transitive context @Cash mentioned) and to feelings ("je ne me sens pas bien" -> "I don't feel good"=

IPS Comment Bot

#16694 Moslem Ch (849 rep) | A: How to reject a friend who comes only when he needs help without being rude (score: 1) | posted 9 minutes ago by Marcus (71 rep) | Toxicity 0.33085778

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

avazula

@Tinkeringbell I actually already chatted with Cascabel and edited my mom's part accordingly :)

Tinkeringbell

@avazula Ahh. Kay. Then I'm going to delete those comments :)

avazula

Please do! :)

@Belle-Sophie I tried to learn Dutch, but I have a real struggle with the accent!

Tinkeringbell

10:01 AM

@avazula Start with pronouncing Scheveningen. If you can do that, you'll pick up the rest in no time :D

Belle-Sophie

@avazula Tip: don't make the same mistake my boyfriend made. We went out in town and he exclaimed in the middle of a market "Ik ben lekker". That means "I am delicious", while he thought it means "I am (feeling) good".

Mithrandir

ahahaha

avazula

@Tinkeringbell Is this a proper noun?

Tinkeringbell

@avazula It's a beach-side place in the Netherlands ;)

Belle-Sophie

@avazula goo.gl/maps/z84CVvi3C6N2

avazula

10:05 AM

@Tinkeringbell Sounds lovely

Oh I actually already went there

I really enjoyed Rotterdam

Belle-Sophie

Speaking of beaches... Hope I don't get stuck in traffic on my way home

avazula

@Belle-Sophie Vacation issues ... My city is almost empty right now

Belle-Sophie

I love German people, don't get me wrong, but there's so many of them that all want to go to my hometown in the afternoon!

@avazula They're probably all in my hometown or driving to it :| feels like it anyway

Mithrandir

@avazula *takes bike through streets* *runs over a dozen hikers*

avazula

@Belle-Sophie I wish you best of luck with traffic! I'm heading to home for lunch, enjoy your free afternoon!

Belle-Sophie

10:09 AM

@avazula Thank you! Enjoy! Bon appetit :)

avazula

@Mithrandir I wish you luck too ... Why people try to be healthy and do sports anyways? lol

CYL :)

IPS Comment Bot

10:20 AM

@user31389 I agree, it's crazy. But considering the horrible consequences it can have, if someone gets the wrong idea and starts accusing you, it's just not worth the risk. — Gertsen 49 secs ago

#16621 Gertsen (303 rep) | A: How can I explain to a friend's child that I don't like sleepovers without parents? (score: -5) | posted 21 hours ago by mgarciaisaia (107 rep) | Toxicity 0.46090746

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Rainb

11:35 AM

@Imus Iet's say I sent them a meme, or some funny joke

and they react like that

Cashbee

@Rainb they either don't understand the meme/joke, or they don't know why you sent it to them

avazula

flag-pls, del-pls RaA - interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/16695/4550

Cashbee

@avazula to critique leave a comment? uhm, no!

;)

avazula

@Cashbee Yeah, I know, but it's the default message and I'm using the "no comment needed" way too often...

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee Interesting note. ;)

Noted :)

Rainb

11:43 AM

@Cashbee nice reasons, how can I react in this scenario?

Cashbee

@Rainb depends. what do you want? whats your goal

avazula

This one as well should be flagged/deleted: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/16662/4550

IPS Comment Bot

11:56 AM

This should be the accepted answer! — GreenAsJade 22 secs ago

#16659 GreenAsJade (101 rep) | A: How to tell a classmate I don’t want to give him a contact for an internship? (score: 20) | posted 15 hours ago by Sojourner (490 rep) | Toxicity 0.021029241 | edited 7 hours ago by Sojourner (490 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

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