The Awkward Silence

IPS Comment Bot

12:03

+1 though the advice of the socratic method as a follow up is probably not the best as it assumes a position of at least equals or the teacher (in this case the minority) teaching the pupil (in this case the majority). — GretchenV 11 secs ago

#14232 GretchenV (1005 rep) | A: Pointing out that the problem is evident in the defensiveness (score: 8) | posted 3 hours ago by user5389107 (7902 rep) | edited 41 minutes ago by user5389107 (7902 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

Tinkeringbell

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

An error has occured

Cashbee

is being "pissed off" rude?

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee Emmm.. ?

Cashbee

I mean, saying that you are

skull

12:06

Sort of

Cashbee

with these words

I think it's not exactly family friendly

it's in @user5389107 's answer

user5389107

If you're talking about my answer, i was using that to drive a point, but I can see where it might be awry, want me to remove it?

Cashbee

i think it can be reworded easily without losing its meaning

skull

Yeah, it usually means "don't talk to me I'm pissed off"

user5389107

@Cashbee Feel free to make an edit to that effect. I can also do it myself but I'll need some time to rethink it

skull

12:09

I use it as a defensive mode

Cashbee

@user5389107 I can do it. would "angry / angrily" be ok for you`?

skull

Sorta like, "talk to the hand."

user5389107

I mean I guess

Cashbee

nah I'm searching for a better word that still transports the same feeling

user5389107

I changed it

Cashbee

12:11

k

user5389107

to "angry and frustrated"

skull

that works

Cashbee

frustrated works very well

skull

Shout shout

Let it all out

:P

Cashbee

I still want to get a real answer for 'is using the term "p***ed off" rude?' :)
can we let this expression stand in the future or not?

user5389107

12:14

I guess my view on it is it depends on who it's aimed at

Mithrandir

Probably best not to actually have a set policy on specific phrases. That encourages rules lawyering.

Cashbee

because it is a very usual term, but still it contains words that aren't exactly family friendly. But then again, there is an age restriction for SE

user5389107

It's not particularly SFW or family friendly but then again we have questions about addressing furry pornography to your parents so ...

Cashbee

@user5389107 I don't think it matters at all who it is aimed at

user5389107

If y'all think I'm joking about this one, caveat emptor

@Cashbee Self deprecation is less rude then deprecating other people, I would say

Cashbee

12:17

it's not about deprecation but more about using cursewords

skull

I once changed my username to "pissed off student."

user5389107

I don't think pissed off is a real curseword but I'm not the SE police so maybe someone with more say can chime in

Then again I'm also not feeling strongly enough about that to not change it when asked

skull

math.meta.stackexchange.com/search?q=%22pissed%22

math.stackexchange.com/search?q=pissed

Tinkeringbell

@user5389107 It's not a real curseword, but telling people they're pissing you off isn't nice. I think if you're talking about your feelings, only use it when absolutely necessary, when other terms don't suffice.

skull

yeah, error on the side of safety :-)

Cashbee

12:32

@user5389107 made my day xD

Tinkeringbell

Now that there's people here: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/14216/1599

user5389107

@Tinkeringbell People diagnosing others (especially with NPD or similarly heavy things) makes me a bit queasy

ArtOfCode

Is there a meta post already about not being armchair doctors/psychiatrists/etc?

user5389107

Wouldn't say rude but if it goes to -3 I'll cast a delete vote

Tinkeringbell

@ArtOfCode Yep

ArtOfCode

12:35

I won't make another one then :)

Em C

@Tinkeringbell didn't we already determine that calling other people a sociopath / narcissist was not Being Nice

Tinkeringbell

16

Q: To diagnose or not to diagnose? That is the question

I have a lot of experience - several years professionally - with mental illness and drug addiction. Twice (that I can recall), I have made potential diagnoses in my answers regarding people the OP is having problems with. I was asked about the wisdom of doing this by a moderator, so I stopped, ...

discussion

@EmC And yeah... I think we did.

I'm just wondering if this fell into the 'It's one thing to mention that something sounds like X, for Y and Z reasons, but I would try to discourage actual diagnosis. It's not really what we're here for and there's a pretty big risk for abuse' category

user5389107

narcissistic personality disorder is a heavy mental illness that can only be diagnosed by a trained professional after extensive personal consulting and a lot more info to go on then one side of a question that doesn't explain a whole lot to begin with.

Tinkeringbell

And get some community moderation going, there's enough people here to not require a mod to step in ;)

user5389107

needs 2 more delete votes

Em C

12:37

@Tinkeringbell yeah, if they edited the first half out, the second half is an answer ("ignore, he is just trying to get a response")

Tinkeringbell

@EmC Is it a valuable answer though... I seem to remember the option of ignoring was already given?

Em C

@Tinkeringbell I am scrolling through them now to check ;)

Mithrandir

it's a little annoying that I can't VTD :/

skull

3 hours ago, by skull

mean people are everywhere

user5389107

@Mithrandir why not?

Mithrandir

12:39

@user5389107 rep

still 1.9k rep short :P

user5389107

Sounds like it can be done in 10 days

Mithrandir

I don't earn rep very quickly. I don't post too frequently.

skull

how'd you get to be a mod :P

Mithrandir

@skull I hope that it was on moderation ability, but I suspect to be a chaos monkey

skull

icic

IPS Comment Bot

12:52

+1 for the literally doing nothing. I'd say the main reason why this will work is because it shows them that their actions take the fun out of it for you rather than you playing hard to get. It's the perfect level of politeness to get them to quit without actually being mean either. — Imus 25 secs ago

#14194 Imus (1163 rep) | A: Politely rejecting unwanted attention at a nightclub. (score: 4) | posted 19 hours ago by baldPrussian (15157 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

Cashbee

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

An error has occured

Cashbee

bad bot

Mithrandir

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

An error has occured

@Raditz_35 I believe you are right about it just being a worry, just from everything she’s said so far, she is one of the nicer people that I am friends with. A lot of people I have been around have made crude teen jokes and other related gimmicks, but I don’t think that everyone responds the same to that, and unfortunately, that’s what comes to mind first. — Sean 7 secs ago

#14211 Sean (16 rep) | Q: How do I talk to my friend without offending her? (score: 3) | posted 14 hours ago by Sean (16 rep) | edited 10 hours ago by J A (412 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

thesecretmaster

13:01

@Cashbee I'll go yell at it, one sec.

Mithrandir

IPS Comment Bot

+1 for the literally doing nothing. I'd say the main reason why this will work is because it shows them that their actions take the fun out of it for you rather than you playing hard to get. It's the perfect level of politeness to get them to quit without actually being mean either. — Imus 14 mins ago

#14194 Imus (1163 rep) | A: Politely rejecting unwanted attention at a nightclub. (score: 4) | posted 20 hours ago by baldPrussian (15157 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

thesecretmaster

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

An error has occured

thesecretmaster

I just fixed you!

Rainbacon

13:08

@Tinkeringbell It's going to take some time to get used to you as a parrot instead of a giraffe

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon Hahaha 😉 Don't get too used to it, I change profile pictures pretty regularly ;)

Rainbacon

Oh dear, I primarily tell people apart by their pictures

user5389107

@Tinkeringbell What about an antropomorphic bell?

With arms that is fidgeting on something

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon Ah... that's why yours is so distinctly purple? :)

@user5389107 Maybe some day ;)

I'm not that good with image editing (I got the parrot from google images too)

thesecretmaster

→ 10 messages moved to Trash

Cashbee

13:11

what happens if two users give feedback, does it increase counter twice? (if it's fixed again ofc )

thesecretmaster

Yes

user5389107

morning cat

(I heard you don't like being pinged so no ping)

Rainbacon

@Tinkeringbell I never set mine, I just use the gravitar they generated with my email address

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon Hahaha, just teasing 😉 I like playing with profile pictures ;)

There's a lot of people that just keep their gravitar

Mine was ugly :P

IPS Comment Bot

@Raditz_35 I believe you are right about it just being a worry, just from everything she’s said so far, she is one of the nicer people that I am friends with. A lot of people I have been around have made crude teen jokes and other related gimmicks, but I don’t think that everyone responds the same to that, and unfortunately, that’s what comes to mind first. — Sean 17 mins ago

#14211 Sean (18 rep) | Q: How do I talk to my friend without offending her? (score: 3) | posted 14 hours ago by Sean (18 rep) | edited 10 hours ago by J A (437 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Rainbacon

13:15

I'm not a huge fan of mine, but I've gotten compliments on it, and what do I know about aesthetics.

Richard U

@Rainbacon mine is also an animated gifl

Tinkeringbell

Wrong link, sorry

Richard U

:D

Tinkeringbell

Ah, this one does onebox!

Mithrandir

@RichardU So's JNat's

Richard U

13:20

@Mithrandir I need to change out the citrus knight on the IPS main site though

That gif does nicely sum up my life though.

user5389107

from your autism meta question I wonder if there's just a higher incidence of people with autism congregating here or if the rate in general has gone up

IPS Comment Bot

+1 for the literally doing nothing. I'd say the main reason why this will work is because it shows them that their actions take the fun out of it for you rather than you playing hard to get. It's the perfect level of politeness to get them to quit without actually being mean either. — Imus 29 mins ago

ArtOfCode

@IPSCommentBot this is at least the third time you've posted that one

Rainbacon

@ArtOfCode Maybe IPSCommentBot is trying to tell us that this particular comment really needs to be nuked

Tinkeringbell

@user5389107 Maybe both? More people being diagnosed and thus more people here?

Rainbacon

13:23

@user5389107 Autism is underdiagnosed in certain demographics. It's quite possible that there are a number of people on the spectrum here who don't even know it.

IPS Comment Bot

+1 for the literally doing nothing. I'd say the main reason why this will work is because it shows them that their actions take the fun out of it for you rather than you playing hard to get. It's the perfect level of politeness to get them to quit without actually being mean either. — Imus 32 mins ago

#14194 Imus (1163 rep) | A: Politely rejecting unwanted attention at a nightclub. (score: 4) | posted 20 hours ago by baldPrussian (15157 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

user5389107

for instance I know nobody else who has it in real life besides 2 other people

and those are both not from this country

thesecretmaster

@ArtOfCode Sorry about that. Testing something, I didn't realize it was posting in here.

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

Regestered as a tp

thesecretmaster

\o/

Tinkeringbell

13:26

@thesecretmaster hah. Just sign off now, and if it still works after you've been gone for 30 minutes I'll cheer too :P

IPS Comment Bot

@Raditz_35 I believe you are right about it just being a worry, just from everything she’s said so far, she is one of the nicer people that I am friends with. A lot of people I have been around have made crude teen jokes and other related gimmicks, but I don’t think that everyone responds the same to that, and unfortunately, that’s what comes to mind first. — Sean 29 mins ago

#14211 Sean (18 rep) | Q: How do I talk to my friend without offending her? (score: 3) | posted 15 hours ago by Sean (18 rep) | edited 10 hours ago by J A (437 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Tinkeringbell

@user5389107 I know a lot of people in real life that have it... I can name at least 9

All very different people though.

user5389107

Then again, some of my friends don't even know

Those that do sometimes wish they wouldn't

Tinkeringbell

@user5389107 Hmmm.. I can't say I've ever shared that point of view. Once I know, I generally find it easier to interact with people

user5389107

@Tinkeringbell Some of my friends have their own wider friend circles that I'm not in, and some of those people fiercely hate me now that they've found out

Em C

13:30

@user5389107 huh. why's that? usually I've just seen people say "ohh, that explains a lot"

:(

user5389107

So I get the "why'd you have to tell us?" often

thesecretmaster

@IPSCommentBot fp

Tinkeringbell

@user5389107 Wait, am I missing something? You've told your friends, they tell their wider circle... someone in the wider circle doesn't like it.. and your friend takes it out on you?

IPS Comment Bot

Regesterd as a fp

doppelgreener

@baldPrussian Can you cite any personal experience of these methods working well (your own or someone else's)? I am concerned doing nothing may be interpreted as an invitation to keep talking or keep doing whatever it is they're doing, especially if there's physical contact being initiated. The grinding thing is a fair point, but it shows we need to be sure the methods we recommend will actually work in our favour. — doppelgreener 2 mins ago

@thesecretmaster Do we have to respond to any particular message with the feedback we give?

Tinkeringbell

13:32

@doppelgreener tp

user5389107

@Tinkeringbell basicly. The problem is I've gotten into arguments with some of those people from the wider circle

It has led to some of them being banned from discord and some of my friends cut contact with them as a result. And now other people from the circle resent that

tl;dr a lot of drama

Tinkeringbell

@user5389107 At least your friends are on your side, keep the ones that are :)

doppelgreener

@Tinkeringbell :D

user5389107

doesn't help that a certain @RichardU facilitated me going back to a shrink and getting an official diagnosis

thesecretmaster

@doppelgreener Yes. But any of the three willw ork.

doppelgreener

13:35

@thesecretmaster ok :)

Rainbacon

Oh no! @Tinkeringbell your picture used to have the same color pattern as @Mithrandir24601. But now it's the same as @doppelgreener

doppelgreener

oh shoot you're right! XD

the four colours of that parrot are the four colours of Mustachio Peridot

Rainbacon

I think Tink has made it her goal in life to confuse me

user5389107

well it did help with other issues but didn't help that

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon I am not going to change my picture again :P

It's different enough!

doppelgreener

13:36

It's come to mind recently to find a new avatar to greenify though, since I've had this one a few months :)

@Tinkeringbell they're practically identical!

Richard U

@user5389107 SE has a disproportionate representation of IT people and people on the spectrum tend towards IT.

Tinkeringbell

@user5389107 A diagnosis isn't a magic solution to everything sadly :(. But I hope that the good outweighs the bad eventually

Em C

@user5389107 do you still think it was useful to do that? I don't mean to be intrusive, it's just something I've been thinking about myself lately, but I don't know what it's like to get checked out as an adult :/

Richard U

@Tinkeringbell my DX was a great relief to me because then I could start to ameliorate the symptoms and play to the strengths

Tinkeringbell

@RichardU As a side note to that: I now have a new assignment for 3,5 days a week (the other 1,5 I'm going to train my coding skills in a new language). Basically, they split the job into 'coding' and a 'social skills' part... and I got the part that needs managing and social skills... I'm not sure yet if I'm flattered or disappointed

user5389107

13:39

@EmC yes definitely

Outside of what you do with that information, a therapist can help a lot

And it allowed me to finally face the fire and start addressing some shortcomings of mine

Richard U

@EmC it is helpful to know what you can ameliorate, what you have to accept, and what you have to avoid.

@user5389107 FIRE'S COOL, heh heh heh heh

(in best Beavis voice)

Tinkeringbell

@doppelgreener Maybe find something mutinous?

Richard U

Remember, next april 1, everyone change their name to Mithrandir

Em C

hmmm maybe once I move I can look up specialists... I don't even know but have been wondering for a while now, so it might be nice just to lay that to rest

doppelgreener

@Tinkeringbell fabulous idea

Richard U

13:43

@EmC Come to the dark side! We have cookies

Em C

@RichardU :D

@RichardU those better be chocolate chips though :P

Tinkeringbell

@EmC My mom once told me 'if you ever feel like you're getting stuck in life, visit a therapist.' Apparently, when I was younger, the doctor once remarked that I was showing signs of autism. So far, I've not found it necessary though. If you feel like you'd be able to pick your next move better with that information, than you should do so I guess ;)

Richard U

@EmC it's all true

Tinkeringbell

Richard U

@Tinkeringbell My mom always told me to visit a priest. Something about exercise or something.

Tinkeringbell

13:46

@Tinkeringbell well, that's kinda disappointing

I had expected a bigger cookie

Em C

@Tinkeringbell that's solid advice :) my little brother is on the spectrum and we have a LOT in common.. and I've taken some online questionnaires (yeah, yeah, but they were from a university study) and been way off the charts.. so I kind of just want to get an answer

Tinkeringbell

@EmC Sounds like you've got a plan then, but be prepared, it may change a lot in your life too :)

@RichardU Glad I wasn't raised a catholic :)

Rainbacon

@EmC I was diagnosed at 21. It's had a very positive effect on my life. For one thing, it's nice to understand why I am the way I am. For another, it gives me a framework with which to talk to other people about the problems I'm having

The biggest downside is that I have a constant imposter syndrome

Richard U

@Tinkeringbell neither was I, which is what made it so strange.

Rainbacon

Being on the spectrum but also being able to have a "normal" life is kind of strange sometimes

Tinkeringbell

13:49

@Rainbacon Yeah, that kind of relates to what I wanted to say next 😉 A diagnosis might make you expect something is wrong, constantly.

Rainbacon

Most people say they never would have guessed when I tell them.

Richard U

@Tinkeringbell this may come as no surprise, but I come from a long line of contrarians. My grandfather was excommunicated from the Catholic church for questioning authority

Em C

@Rainbacon lol, I already get that big time :( but I see what you mean

Richard U

@Rainbacon nobody knows I have it either, unless I'm under extreme stress, and my constructs break down.

@Rainbacon I had imposter syndrome too, until I took off the mask.

I'm sure that anyone with a savant skill gets imposter syndrome because it is hard to imagine something that comes so easy can be hard for others.

Rainbacon

I think the biggest help for me in knowing is being able to understand myself. I've always had sensory overload issues, but I didn't know what they were until I was diagnosed. Now when I get overloaded, I understand what it is and can take steps to minimize the problem.

Em C

13:55

@Rainbacon ooh that's a good point too. I have a lot to think about now :)

Richard U

@Rainbacon the way I explained it to a friend of mine who has a daughter on the spectrum is like this: Not only are we different, we are so different that we have trouble communicating the differences.

@Rainbacon I said, imagine that the color orange was painful to you, and every time you saw it, you experienced pain. You don't know that other people don't feel pain when they see orange. All you know is that it hurts and after a while you can't take it. Then you wonder why everyone else can take all of that pain and why you are so weak.

Rainbacon

@RichardU The savant thing can also work against you if you aren't one. Most people think of Rainman when they hear about autism. It's a quite common belief that all autistic people are savants. Sometimes when I tell people I am on the spectrum they ask me what my superpower is.

@RichardU That's a good way to explain it

user5389107

@RichardU my reaction to social situations involving multiple people in a nutshell

Richard U

@Rainbacon 1 in 100 NT's have savant skills. 1 in 10 autistics do. it's FAR more prevalent, but still rare

Cashbee

How do you know that the color that you define as orange is the same color that I call orange? I mean, for all I know, you could see "my" green and call it orange. I would never know

Richard U

13:59

@user5389107 mine as well because I literally cannot ignore conversations in a room so my brain tries to process all of them simultaneously.

Em C

@RichardU wow, that's overall way more common than I would have thought

user5389107

@RichardU yeah, same. Try explaining that to anyone and you'll find out how alien of a concept this is

Richard U

@Cashbee that's funny, because I am actually color blind. (or color deficient as they call it)

user5389107

meanwhile I've never known anything else

Part of why I cannot enjoy parties. I'll walk away half an hour later with a splitting headache and ready to sleep for 12 hours

Richard U

@user5389107 I have explained that to others. They get it.... eventually. I find that analogies work well, as our way of processing is so different.

Em C

14:00

my SO likes to listen to talk radio in the car and then he also tries to have a conversation with me and I cannot handle it at all :(

Richard U

@EmC I have an additional problem of partial deafness. if the radio is on and I am in the passenger side. I am effectively deaf. (profoundly deaf in the left ear, can't hear great in the right)

user5389107

@RichardU one of the reasons it got ugly with my friends is my tendency to mute myself and move out of the room when people talk over each other

Em C

@RichardU yeah, that would be much worse!

Richard U

@user5389107 what I do is let my friends and family know that I get overloaded and that I need to step out. When you explain that it is essentially a medical need, people tend to be far more accommodating.

user5389107

@RichardU I wish. Some of the people in the extended group of friends that got banned as a result told me repeatedly to kill myself and to stop bogging down everyone's fun with my medical issues

they were banned for it so I guess it worked out ... but still

Richard U

14:08

@user5389107 Yeah, whenever I get the "go kill yourself", I just reply with an "after you".

Someone once told me that I should kill myself and I said "If I had to live your life, I would"

user5389107

It would be lying to say that it didn't bother me

And now wE've gone into TMI territory

doppelgreener

@user5389107 that's horrid. :(

user5389107

So about these kittens in the meadow, am I right?

Richard U

@user5389107 well, I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me, but you get used to it.

doppelgreener

and, jesus. doing that is actually plausibly criminal sometimes.

Richard U

14:10

@doppelgreener I have read the evil overlord list. Remember, "If I have any weakness, feign another"

I've done that too.

It's fun to pretend to be bothered by one thing, and watch the trolls try to pounce on it. Then not react.

or get in on the joke.

@user5389107 I like to fly my cat around the room like she's an airplane.

She swats at me when I put her down.

It's her way of saying "You jerk!"

Em C

@user5389107 that was my kitty the day I got her :)

Tinkeringbell

There you go :)

user5389107

much better

Tinkeringbell

@EmC Aww... She looks cute :)

Rainbacon

So much for being productive this morning

Tinkeringbell

14:13

And a little preoccupied :P

user5389107

I don't usually talk about my weaknesses like that ... the internet has a way of turning those on you if you show any

Em C

@Tinkeringbell she's all grown up now, but I think she's still pretty cute :D

Tinkeringbell

@EmC Of course she is 😀 (But I don't like cats :P)

I mean, I like them, when they're not mine

Cashbee

whenever images like that are being posted, this chat becomes NSFW for me xD. Too many coworkers are in line of sight of my monitor..
Don't get discouraged by me though, have fun.

Tinkeringbell

@user5389107 I don't think you have to worry about that in here, but ... do you want me to clean it up?

user5389107

14:16

nah it's ok

Rainbacon

@Cashbee I wish we had the ability to collapse images in here for that very reason

Em C

@Tinkeringbell haha, fair enough. she can be a real jerk sometimes too, as cats do :P

Richard U

@user5389107 try my responses, it will no longer be a weakness

Em C

quick, talk more so the kitty images go off the screen :P

Rainbacon

Bye bye kitty images

Richard U

14:17

My kitty is a maine coon. HUGE kitty.

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon I have a chat dark theme plugin that allows exactly that :)

Rainbacon

@Tinkeringbell Where can I get this? I like dark themes

Em C

@RichardU I love how fluffy those ones are :D

user5389107

@RichardU :D

Richard U

@EmC and the tufts in the ears, like a lynx are adorable.

user5389107

14:18

But they shed like a pound of fur every summer

Cashbee

@EmC yay thx you guys

I'm baaack :D

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/so-dark-chat-%20/… (Does that work for you?)

Richard U

@user5389107 if only it were that little, I' could carpet my entire apartment with all that fur

Sid

Our Cat is so thin these days. It doesn't eat anything. And only sleeps on the sofa.

Richard U

Maine coons are cats that think they are puppies.

The reason I wanted a cat is because they leave you alone. Not Maine Coons... sigh.

Still, I love my kitty

Rainbacon

14:20

@Tinkeringbell Yes it does. Thank you

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon So, you should be able to hide this:

Rainbacon

Yep, in fact it gets hidden by default :)

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon Oh... that's weird, mine doesn't do that ... I must've missed a setting :)

Rainbacon

If you open the settings there is one to auto collapse images

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon I see now 😀 Btw, quick question. How does my parrot show up?

Cashbee

14:23

@Tinkeringbell thousand thanks! hm but it sure needs getting used to

Rainbacon

It's a little picture by your name, same as always

Tinkeringbell

Mine has a white background next to the text-box and on the right in the userlist.. but a black one to the left of the messages I send...

Sid

I wonder why people like pets so much. I never did. We have pets because apparently my sister loves them for some reason

Rainbacon

Oh, odd. I see it consistent everywhere

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee I always liked dark themed stuff...

@Rainbacon As? White background or not?

Rainbacon

14:24

White background

Tinkeringbell

Hmmm. But I like the dark one better :(. Now how do I fix that.

Cashbee

@Tinkeringbell me too. now that I removed the coloured bars over each message it looks nice

Rainbacon

@Cashbee Same, the colors were a bit much

Also, dark theme > light theme

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon Hmmm... I guess it's just the plugin then: The background is supposed to be transparent...

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How to deal with SO who feels assault was cheating

Background info: We have a very close one of a kind relationship, always positive, always upbuilding, never has anything bad happened between the two of us, your typical cheesy fairytale meant to be type relationship - as close to perfect as you get. We are both fiercely loyal to one another. A ...

relationships misunderstandings

Cashbee

14:37

I am going to be offline for 1.5 weeks, due to obligatory military stuff.. :(

I'll be around for the mutiny though

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee Yay!

And the military stuff of course not

Cashbee

@Tinkeringbell i had to look which msg you replied to :) ( wow, mobile chat is a pain!)

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee Yeah, I don't like mobile chat all that much too

Cashbee

While it is nice that all functionality is preserved, it is very complicated..

Have to go now, cya late-ARRRR'

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee See ya!

Richard U

14:45

The sexual assault question needs to be closed. This is WAAAAAAAAAAY above our pay grade

sphennings

@RichardU Depends on how the OP refines it there are many interpersonal angles that could be asked.

"How can I delay discussion about their feelings about what happened until I have time to process my own?" for instance.

Rainbacon

@RichardU It got deleted before I could even finish reading it to determine it to be off topic

sphennings

As written it's basically asking "What should I do?" so it should be closed for now.

Em C

OP deleted it a few seconds after I cast the last close vote :/

sphennings

:/ It takes a certain self awareness to construct a good IPS question in the moment.

Richard U

14:50

@sphennings there were IPS involved, but the OP was not asking an IPS question, and that is a touchy subject. Plus, I can only imagine the backlash it could have generated

Em C

@RichardU I think you left a good comment on it. I hope they do talk to a therapist

Richard U

@EmC I wish I could say I was ignorant of the subject, but I am not.

This is why I hate people (or at least one of the reasons)

Em C

@RichardU I'm sorry

sphennings

@RichardU It was a very touchy subject, but we've handled touchy subjects before.

Richard U

@sphennings yes, but this is a case where, if mishandled, could to immense amounts of damage. I don't want that on my conscience.

This is a case where the desire to help could cause great harm

Em C

14:55

yeah, if this just happened, and OP is in a fragile state and isn't getting professional help yet, I'm really concerned about what talking to boyfriend could do to her mental state... the boyfriend is just a small part of the big issue which is coping with the aftermath

sphennings

@RichardU I don't think that the OP was trying to use IPS as a substitute for professional help. I think the problem they were trying to navigate was their partner's feeling like what happened was an infidelity.

That's something that's very IPSlike. If they proposed a specific question I think that it is something that this site could handle well. There'd be troll answers sure but those get downvoted and deleted in short order.

Richard U

@sphennings I don't disagree. But we are not mind readers and you have no idea what is going on in the former SO's head. I've seen reactions from pity, to revulsion to blaming the victim. we don't want to get into that.

@EmC EXACTLY

sphennings

@RichardU Sure. We have systems in place to deal with people being not nice.

Richard U

@EmC and that should be discussed with a professional, including how to talk to the BF. The OP needs to get into a good place sure.

@sphennings yes, but you can't un-ring a bell. we can deal with it AFTER the fact, but if the OP were to see the nastiness before we could delete it?

I know that I can come across as a jerk or at best unfeeling but this is a mess.

sphennings

@RichardU That's a good question. As is the question should definitely be closed. In a hypothetical where the question was edited to be a good fit for this site, I don't know. A lot depends on how the edited question reads.

@RichardU I guess part of my concern is that "Go talk to a therapist." even if it's good advice can be read as rather dismissive.

Richard U

15:06

@sphennings That's why I commented as I did. Any interpersonal skills involved are the least of the OP's worries.

For the same reason, any questions relating to suicide should be shut down. Not here, but on other sites, I've seen suicidal people being told to go ahead and do it.

sphennings

Any thoughts on whether explaining how comments work on IPS is a productive use of a comment or not?

Richard U

@sphennings until the site matures, it's productive.

Rainbacon

@sphennings Are you suggesting improvements or requesting clarifications? In all seriousness though, I think it is productive. That being said, people may see you posting comments that aren't doing what comments are for and get upset if their comments are deleted and yours aren't.

sphennings

15:26

@Rainbacon Technically there's a third reason for comments, "Add relevant but minor or transient information to a post (e.g. a link to a related question, or an alert to the author that the question has been updated)."

Mithrandir

→ 15 messages moved to Trash

Rainbacon

@sphennings That's true, though I'm not sure that explaining how comments work falls into that category either. Still though, I think until people learn, you should keep doing it.

IPS Comment Bot

I downvoted because the question is not about responding to instances where the interlocutor was personally discriminated against. Your answer would be more on topic if it addressed the conversations brought up in the question - which are more about systemic issues that aren't "feelings." — Azor Ahai 1 min ago

#14248 Azor Ahai (239 rep) | A: How can I tactfully point out people's inherent bias on controversial topics? (score: -4) | posted 1 hours ago by QEDemonstrandum (202 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

sphennings

@Rainbacon There are other relevant administrative comments we accept like "Comments are not for discussion."

Richard U

15:41

@sphennings "suggest improvement" has greatly reduced the necessity of such.

sphennings

@RichardU It's hard to tell. It feels like the same amount to me. I really want to see some hard data on the subject.

TheTinyMan

@RichardU "Suggest improvement" has also greatly increased the amount of times that I absent-mindedly submit a comment as an answer, but maybe that's mostly because I've been so inactive. xD

Adamant

What’s a scheduled mutiny?

Is that like a strike or something?

Mithrandir

It's a nice, orderly, mutiny.

Catija

Mutiny?

Sid

15:54

@Mithrandir that sounds like an oxymoron to me.

Adamant

Is that like treason?

"It's treason, then." 720p HD

►

Richard U

@Sid if mutinies weren't orderly, however would they be carried out? One cannot have a disorganized mutiny, after all. What would the neighbors say?

@TheTinyMan these are strange days. I seem to be attracting a modicum of respect in certain circles. All of this despite my best efforts to the contrary. I fear that my overuse of confusion fu has caused certain aspects of my nature to be revealed

Adamant

I still don't understand what thr mutiny is?

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