How to politely tell my girlfriend that often hugging may become annoying at some point? We live together and when we're both home she often walks to me and hugs. Last time I said that sometimes I don't like it she said it is sad to her.
@Rainbacon earn some more Rep so you can join in the fun, just don't do it using the method which may not be referred to by name, but is nonetheless very common
@Pheo Yes, but technically no. I originally had a different gravicon, but then gravicon changed how they generate the images so it changed. Why do you ask?
As an aside, one thing about the autism that gets me in trouble is that the rigid thinking throws me for a loop when I try to use precise language (or it seems that way to me) and I'm told not to use those words. It's very hard because without the words I was going to use, I go into a panic trying to find suitable ones, and nothing matches
Rigid thinking is fun
Oh, and never tell me "I'll be there by 5" and arrive at 5:01. German + autistic = VERY punctual.
@Azxdreuwa come on, ask us your question. We're eager to at least try to provide good advice.
@Azxdreuwa We appreciate people who are wanting to learn how to follow the rules of the site. We'll be more than glad to help you workshop your question into something that is a good fit.
@Magisch I know... I usually take a train earlier too. But my workplace is pretty tolerant on the fear of driving and understands trains don't always work.. so I usually have a thirty minute window, not an hour :)
I used to arrive 30 minutes early to the train station to go out to a client's office. It meant I was never late to their office and often I had time to get doughnuts in the train station :)
@Rainbacon That's actually the reason why I don't take the one hour window XD
@Magisch Haaaah! I remember cycling to an important meeting when in uni... About an internship. My bike broke pretty bad just two block away from my room. So I rushed back, lent my housemates bike (which was way too big btw, so I had to stand on the pedals without being able to sit on the saddle). I made it with 2 minutes to spare though :P
@RichardU Okay :) So first, a little lesson on Dutch: If someone is struggling to say a specific word out loud, or can't exactly remember it, that's called ' being unable to get out of your words'
@Tinkeringbell it's hard to describe to a non-autistic, but when your brain is locked into something, it is SCREAMING at you that somethings wrong on an almost life-or-death level. It is actually painful. This is why low-functioning autistics cans start screaming if you move their chair. You changed their entire reality.
@Tinkeringbell It's so nice. I'm just glad that we finally have good weather. It's been quite cold here until this week. But it's in the 70's today (around 25 C for you)
@Tinkeringbell so, even though I'm high functioning, my brain is still screaming at me.
@Rainbacon I compare the thinking to NTs is that an autistic brain is like a train, takes a bit to get up to speed, but moves VERY fast, can pull a lot of cargo, but cannot easily turn or stop, where an NT brain is more like a car. agile, maneuverable, et cet
Yeah, it's certainly presented as a common interest of those of us on the spectrum. I couldn't say for sure because I haven't met enough others, but it does seem at least that most autistic characters in movies and tv shows are presented as being fascinated with trains. So there's at least some impression that it's common.
@Rainbacon I've known a few people on the spectrum over the years, but I either never noticed or they never told me about the train fascination. So I guess it's more of a rumour?
I've met people on different points on the spectrum though, although the ones I got to know best were all about the same (Like Alice and John). But I also met someone with what I believe was called Pdd-nos, which is on the spectrum but different? She certainly was different from Alice and John
Well, my official diagnosis is "Autism spectrum disorder without accompanying intellectual impairment". But that's because the DSM-5 removed "Asperger's Syndrome". Typically high functioning is used for people who are on the spectrum but able to live a "normal" life. For example, I hold a full time job and live alone. Someone who is not high functioning (and on the spectrum) would likely live in a nursing home and be unable to support themself
Your questions are fine. I'm very comfortable talking about it
Yes, the saying that I mentioned earlier exists to point out that autism is a spectrum. No two people on the spectrum will necessarily be alike in their symptoms. We all deal with it differently
It's easier to deal with for some than others. I'm one of the lucky ones in that I am able to keep my symptoms relatively under control
@Rainbacon Yeah, the people I worked with before becoming a software engineer were all on government support. Not in a nursing home, although one of em had some sort of support in their day to day life ( there were three ). The girl I knew from high school I only remember because they explained her autism to me AFTER we spent a week in France with the same guest family. I never forgave my mentor for that one XD
And then there's the co-worker I worked with for two years, but that only recently got a diagnosis. I have no idea on what side of the spectrum they are, although since they live on their own, and have a stable job, I'd say high functioning..
@Rainbacon I love those people. They take much less effort on my side XD. But really, they're easier to interact with. Because I'm bad with differences
@Tinkeringbell from what I understand, government support for us isn't as high in America. And yeah, living alone and holding a steady job tend to indicate high functioning
@Tinkeringbell what exactly do you mean by bad with differences?
@Rainbacon that I like my people behaving like they're normal. So, e.g., I'm bad with people that have a mental disability. ( like my niece, that suffered a lack of oxygen at birth, and that basically can't be taught what I'd consider simple thing, like calculating change in a store)
I tend to loose patience easily when she doesn't understand after three or four attempts. Even though in the back of my mind I know she'll never learn
The only person with a mental disability that I like is another John, that I used to play with when I was really young. He was involved in a serious car crash when young, and spent a serious amount of time in a coma. He has brain damage, so he's still trapped at the age he had when we used to play. But I do recognize that six year old :). Like, he always was the one to ask for treats ( cookies or sweets) and he still does XD
I actually confuse @Mithrandir24601 and @Tinkeringbell more because your pictures have similar color schemes which is all I can make out in the small versions
Out of boredom, I upvoted my own post few times in a row, getting the expected "You can't vote for your own post" message.
However, I wonder if there is any penalty for such behavior, e.g. automatic downvote instead?
I ask because after doing it, I suddenly got a downvote on that post. Was it t...
How to politely tell my girlfriend that often hugging may become annoying at some point? We live together and when we're both home she often walks to me and hugs. Last time I said that sometimes I don't like it she said it is sad to her.
