The Awkward Silence

00:28

0

In a question I posted I mentioned an example of how things work on SO and how I didn't understand how things work on this site, I was hoping someone would tell me the differences, or tell me maybe that I was wrong and things are not like that on SO. Or something along those lines. In any case it...

discussion

Introverted Meta Man.

02:32

0

Q: Closure: How can I cope with someone who works too slowly?

This comment stated: I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because we cannot advise anyone on how to get someone to do something. But I've since rewritten it to fit this site. If there is another unstated reason for closing my question, can I please be told to help me improve?

discussion

Introverted Meta Man.

02:49

-2

Q: False duplicate: What can I do if people insincerely ask for my patience?

This was closed as a duplicate, but I explained why it isn't: This isn't a duplicate. Someone can repeatedly ask you for patience even if they aren't too slow.

discussion

Jesse

04:07

@IntrovertedMetaMan. I had a look through this users question history and there is a pattern of having a question closed/deleted and then just making a new one with (arguably) insignificant changes

Jesse

06:10

@Catija @apaul I think that if you want to disregard answers that include "he/she", you should probably add some specific emphasis on "they"

obviously being able to treat it more normally is ideal, but it is totally fair that answers could assume it was used as a more general part of the sentence and not the desired pronoun. Adding "he/she" is a standard list of examples and we can not expect users to list every possibility when writing examples

I think you have the added context of already knowing the situation which lead to reading the question as intended

but since it could be read multiple ways, I think you need to explicitly state it if you want to reprimand answers for not realising

although the answer does have a few other issues...

IPS Comment Bot

@Tinkeringbell I know, when I posted my comment there were only two answers, this and the one posted by Mafii. I feel that, while there's nothing wrong with Mafii's answer, the one from chauxvive is as valid but had score of -1. That downvote made no sense to me. — r41n 21 secs ago

#13003 r41n (241 rep) | A: Awkward end of conversation (score: 0) | posted 16 hours ago by chauxvive (19 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["", "chatty"]

Tinkeringbell

06:33

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/13012/… Is now unclear what you're asking? lacking a whole lotta detail

Jesse

@Tinkeringbell It looks like its been through a lot of edits already but i think i can see a good question in there

Tinkeringbell

@Jesse maybe... But there is no conversation going on in the situation sketched there. So the question makes no sense at all

Jesse

conversation, and being able to transition to new topics is an ips

they have a specific example to give us context

I would just frame it with the question asking about ?online? conversations

Tinkeringbell

@Jesse The problem with the example being that there is no conversation going

We have plenty of questions on how to change subject

Jesse

ahh, yeah i haven't looked around to see if it would be a dup

Tinkeringbell

06:43

Even then, I'd want some scenario where there's a conversation going: a chance or emails trail

Jesse

although with a unique personal example it won't be dup, yes what was said would certainly help

Tinkeringbell

@Jesse I don't think I can dup this one, but just to make clear that such questions are indeed valid IPS.

And they're all about in the moment, not about the first text message that needs an optimal pick up line

Jesse

It may have been about that earlier, but I have just looked at the most recent edit and it did not read that way to me

Tinkeringbell

@Jesse I'm on mobile, so quoting is a little hard. But look at the whole 'problem' paragraph

Jesse

hmm

Tinkeringbell

06:48

The question doesn't relate to the problem paragraph anymore, because it was edited... But the problem is still leaving plenty of room for cheesy pick up line answers

Jesse

@Tinkeringbell It makes it a bit less about the actual conversation...

it is more about how to re-engage when there was only one topic talked about

which is different to the outlined question, and not as good of an ips question but i think it COULD maybe still work

Tinkeringbell

@Jesse but for that to work, we need to know why they are afraid to just send a how are you

And that relates to the original question: they want to ask her out

Not just have a pleasant conversation

@Jesse It'd need a whole lotta detail and confirmation from the OP, preferably also a good description of previous failures with the same person

Jesse

xD i don't know the guidelines about knowing OP's goal vs honouring the ambiguity of how the question is currently written

Tinkeringbell

And given the history of this particular person on this site, I'm not that happy to be putting all this time into one of their question again

@Jesse No one does. A lot of us just err on the side of caution probably: make a comment and once confirmed, you can edit

Also.... How do you end up with a -3 when a user gets removed?

I've seen a few before, but they were always -10 or -5

Or multitudes of that

Jesse

@Tinkeringbell they just have to have voted up and down on enough of your posts

Tinkeringbell

06:55

Oh hey, there's two

One got me a -5 the other a +2

Jesse

I also commented

the comment section is a bit of a mess, and does not really apply to the edited question... im thinking of just flagging everything as obselete

for now i think ill just vtc, its all too much of a mess, best take it down until its fixed

Currently there are traces of 3 completely seperate questions :D all in the one

D.Hutchinson

hi @Jesse your suggestion is a good one :)

Tinkeringbell

@Jesse And I think the conversation starters is going to give more trouble ;) but I guess you're right for suggesting it

I don't really see how it would be different from a ' tell me what to say ' in this case though

D.Hutchinson

@Jesse I've edited my question just now - I'll see what else I can do to improve the question

Mithrandir

07:12

@IPSCommentBot well, you'll be running around without a head for a while

Jesse

@D.Hutchinson That edit is not really enough, any mention of the word "Transition" implies that the conversation is ongoing

D.Hutchinson

What do you suggest I add @Jesse?

Mithrandir

@D.Hutchinson Your question is about starting a conversation when your previous conversation was about a single topic. Transitioning in the conversation is no longer remotely relevant.

Jesse

To start with I would re-word the title and first question to be about starting a conversation rather than transitioning

D.Hutchinson

I see :)

ok, brb

Mithrandir

07:16

You want to know how to start a conversation when your previous context was about a specific topic without restricting your new conversation to the topic of the previous one. That should be made clearer

D.Hutchinson

ahhh ... right :)

lemme work on this ...

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir what should be made clear is why a simple hey how are you text is going to fail miserably

D.Hutchinson

* eats walnut brownie and works on edit *

Tinkeringbell

Really, conversation starters are as much of a risk for list type tell me what to say questions as pick up lines

Jesse

@D.Hutchinson But then you will still need some more detail, building off common grounds IS a skill in conversations... but starting relatively new conversation is incredibly common and broad... @Tinkeringbell's last question is pointing this out, its tough to see why treating this like any other new conversation would not work which is a really broad question

D.Hutchinson

07:19

@Jesse because I want to eventually ask her out, so, the stakes are higher. At a business lunch, knowing how to start on a new topic of discussion is also tricky and not really expected to flow naturally - there are also risks there too, with, say, a new client that you are trying to win business from.

it's fundamentally the same ...

it's not pick-up, I already have her number ...

Jesse

@Tinkeringbell yes, if we can specify that it is about starting and having a varied conversation then we might discourage list answers

D.Hutchinson

the transition is tricky though ...

Tinkeringbell

@Jesse Then you're back at transcripts

D.Hutchinson

high risk of failure, basically ...

Tinkeringbell

@D.Hutchinson The stakes aren't 'higher' just because you want to ask her out. You don't even know her, besides that she's from New Jersey and likes some kinda food... You base your dating choices on that?

Jesse

07:22

@Tinkeringbell yep, or some other form of extra detail

Tinkeringbell

If anything, this reads like you want her to tell you everything you want to hear to confirm that she's the one you'd like to date..

Magisch

morning

Tinkeringbell

Morning!

Magisch

07:55

@D.Hutchinson If you have a personal problem with another user the way to resolve this is via contact us or custom moderator flags

We (as regulars) have no way to make anyone do anything. We moderate content, not users. We have votes to influence questions and answers and can flag comments. Specific user behavior is firmly in the "not our responsibility" side of moderation

If you think this is all going on, make your best case to the mods and/or the community team.

Extroverted Main Man

08:06

0

Q: My husband saves indecent pictures of his female friends. What should I do?

Recently I stumbled upon a folder in my husband's computer. It had specifically 22 subfolders, each dedicated to a different girl. He has known all these girls at some point of time in life. Some of them are his close friend even now. But he was never in a relationship with them. Infact he had al...

relationships social-media marriage helping weddings

Magisch

08:20

can we get a 5th close vote on this: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/13033/…

D.Hutchinson

@Magisch thanks ...

Tinkeringbell

08:42

→ 39 messages moved to Trash

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell mhm?

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch I thought the name-calling in there weighed heavier than the little constructive discussion that was also there

Not a good call?

Magisch

nah, all good

I was just wondering :p

Tinkeringbell

09:48

Have one very well backed up first answer, just to see things aren't that bad around here: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/13032/1599

Introverted Meta Man.

0

Q: Are comments moderated to strictly on this Stack?

I will later post my own opinion as answer, so this is to be viewed as a more or less neutral baseline for discussion - please comment/ suggest edit if you have improvements If been active on this stack for a few months now, and I noticed that a constant source of trouble seems to be the delet...

discussion

Tinkeringbell

Also, hello @GretchenV!

Mithrandir

10:19

I'm a little busy today @d.h, so I won't be responding to pings so quickly

D.Hutchinson

@Mithrandir ok, no worries ...

Magisch

10:40

@Tinkeringbell The source would be pretty bad in any other context, but here it's semi-fine I think

Mithrandir

10:53

@IntrovertedMetaMan. No. If anything, we need more people in the closet flagging stuff, because I can't catch everything.

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch I'm just glad to see someone that doesn't need it explained to them that experiences make a good answer ;) I'm also suspecting this isn't a brand new account :P

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell I'm still not thrilled about the source, but I'll take a bad source over no source

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch Oh sure... I'm personally not familiar enough with the source to say it's inherently bad ;)

But it's not academic research, that's true :P

Magisch

From my experience it's about as credible as breitbart

Which is to say not at all

Tinkeringbell

11:08

@Magisch That's another site I don't know ;) But okay :)

Magisch

Better not to examine these things too much

we're better off adressing the information, we don't need a "this source isn't credible" war like wikipedia

Tinkeringbell

Any help? What is transient information?

Thank you for your Answer. Just to be clear, do you reject the Add relevant but minor or transient information to a post from the help-center as a valid reason to comment on this stack? — Daniel 24 mins ago

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell Something like a commentary on an answer that adds something

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch Help center says e.g. a link to a related question, or an alert to the author that the question has been updated

That makes more sense actually ;)

Had to dig deep to find that one ;)

Magisch

Like if the question is "What are apples made out of" and under an answer there's a comment like "There's also traces of iron in there"

Something that can be incorporated into the answer

Tinkeringbell

11:13

@Magisch Yeah, I think this a good example of that: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/5097/1599

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell In that case OldPadawan's comment is fine I think

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch Exactly. The post is not though.. still a one-liner and not improved after been provided with that info

Magisch

11:34

@Tinkeringbell I just cast the last delete vote on that

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch Finally!!! :P

Magisch

I'm slow

Like a Smiley rolling down a hill, if you will

Tinkeringbell

Hahaha ;)

Cashbee

@Magisch "Smiley rolling down a hill" sounds like mood swings to me.. :) :( :) :( :)

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee You stabilized the eyes? Now I'm thinking of chicken like movements XD

Cashbee

11:38

now that i think of it, no it doesn't.. [ :) (: :) (:]

Tinkeringbell

:)(:

Cashbee

sorry if I repeatedly make stupid or funny remarks like this, I don't know if that is welcome here in this chat. If not, please let me know :)

Sid

@Cashbee if stupid remarks are not allowed in chat, I would have been suspended already

Magisch

tis' ok

I am actually quite prone to mood swings

Cashbee

just checking :) Could be that this chat is supposed to be strictly IPS related with no chitchat. I don't want to be that guy who always disturbs the IPS peace in here

Magisch

11:47

Yes we're serious about IPS doing serious IPS stuff always

can't you see how serious I am

:D

Cashbee

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Magisch

on a serious (heh) note, one more approve here pls: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/review/suggested-edits/9180

Cashbee

a gave it a very stern looking approve

Extroverted Main Man

12:02

0

Q: Drove colleague to a sports event, should I ask for the money for petrol? If so how?

A quick bit of backstory, myself and a colleague both support the same sports team and have therefore shared lifts when we have travelled to see the same games. It's quite a treck though and between the cost of parking + petrol it costs at least £50 for the driver. For the first 5 or so trips (wh...

money colleagues travelling

Tinkeringbell

@IPSCommentBot Pfft... I wish that person was in chat. I'd love to explain that it was probably put on hold because they themselves seemed to suggest at every angle that setting a boundary was NOT what they were looking for..

Cashbee

12:20

funniest comment I've read in a while, but still had to flag it as nln :(

Killing pets isn't murder. — i-CONICA 24 hours ago

Magisch

12:46

@apaul Can you consider editing your answer here: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/2748

It's needlessly caustic and distinctively not nice

I understand your frustrations but this is a civil Q/A site

Jesus christ can we go one day without being labeled as everything that is wrong (tm) in the world

Tinkeringbell

That question needs closure

Magisch

> You voted to close this question Apr 4 at 6:53

My hands are tied

It got reopened with minimal edits hours afterwards

Tinkeringbell

Mine too, my vote is there now ;)

As is a custom mod flag...

Magisch

My modflag about rude meta comments from 5 days ago is still pending too

checked back this morning

Where is this sudden hostility coming from

Tinkeringbell

Precedents

Magisch

12:59

It feels like we're tearing ourselves apart and fighting a war over social causes. Every other question gets this right now and meta is full of it too

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch precedents... it draws other people that want to do it too

Magisch

I don't even know where to start flagging this has all become extremely uncomfortable to even read

Cashbee

what Q are we talking about?

Magisch

Take a detour through the last 7 days of meta and the answers to the question linked by the comment bot above

Tinkeringbell

78

Q: How can I avoid the awkwardness of a returning player who wears a low-cut shirt?

Sometimes I run RPG events for strangers, advertising on meetup.com to get people. At these events, I spend around three hours asking the players what the characters are doing and narrating the results, trying to tell an entertaining and fun story. I did this three weeks ago. Of the four atten...

awkward-situations gender

The one that brought me back from retirement

Magisch

13:02

You can't pin that being open on me :p

Cashbee

ah. i am currently reading them but im still reading the good answers :)

Magisch

tbh it's feeling like more of a fight against windmills then ever

sticking to technical Q/A sites only looks really tempting right about now

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch Ya gotta do what ya gotta do ;) I for one have decided to just pick up close-voting again...

Magisch

@Catija If you're awake can you deal with the low cut shirt question flamewar before it escalates into another 3 meta questions?

Mithrandir

D'Arvit.

Jesse

13:11

@Mithrandir Throwback to the teenage years of reading artemis fowl

Mithrandir

@Jesse Y'see, those years aren't exactly over for me yet.

Jesse

@Mithrandir And adults could find plenty of enjoyment from AF too xD

Mithrandir

@Magisch problem is too many fronts and not enough people fighting those windmills.

Jesse

Im kinda impressed I recognised the reference so quickly

Magisch

@Mithrandir My problem is that civility seems to be all but gone now

This is reddit tier flaming at work on Stack exchange

I am disappoint

Mithrandir

13:14

If someone else isn't being civil flag it, disengage, and don't react. If the uncivilness doesn't have anything to be uncivil to, it can't be uncivil.

2

Magisch

They can and do pollute comment sections of questions and answer and meta

I don't need to engage to be disappointed by that

sphennings

@Magisch Overall I think the system works. Sometimes just not as fast as I would like though.

I think it's a bit of a warning sign how often we have Shog9 stepping in to resolve things though.

Richard U

The biggest problems with the comments is the fact that there is too much <CENSORED>

Magisch

I'm surprised tbh none of the cm's made an appearance in the latest series of meta dramas

If I was only just joining the site I'd turn away in disgust

Richard U

@Magisch some of it is growing pains, and Shog has been around long enough to have seen it on multiple stacks.

@sphennings that's part of the whole "don't engage" that Mithrandir was speaking of.

Scolding an angry person makes them angrier

Introverted Meta Man.

13:20

1

Q: Can we try implementing a new version of the Be Nice policy here

Currently, I believe, there is a great amount of conflict here. And most of it revolves around our individual interpretation of Be Nice. Specifically these 2 points: Be welcoming, be patient, and assume good intentions. and Don't be a jerk. Is there some way we can slightly alter ...

discussion be-nice

Tinkeringbell

@RichardU Yeah well... if an angry person is being angry in the chat room... and it crosses the line.. I'm going to scold them ;)

Richard U

@Tinkeringbell that was in Meta

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings You name-called someone... I'd like to see what the problem was so I can learn to moderate stuff better... :)

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell (pedantic side note) "Name called" normally means insult, "called out" would be more appropriate.

Richard U

@sphennings and how does that help matters?

Tinkeringbell

13:23

@sphennings Okay, well, that's something I can keep in mind ;) Still, calling out is a bit frowned upon, since it focuses on the person, not the behavior ;) ...

Richard U

@sphennings so, you want to start a sh*t storm in chat eh?

sphennings

@RichardU You are right that I could have framed it better.

Mithrandir

@D.Hutchinson If you believe that you're being targeted by specific users I would advise you not to call them out in public and to raise a moderator flag.

3

Magisch

@D.Hutchinson Please this way: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/contact

Mithrandir

I'm going to request that this topic of conversation now be dropped.

Thank you.

Magisch

13:27

→ 14 messages moved to trash

Sorry everyone, lets keep this out of here and as unconfrontational as possible.

Richard U

But I am going to have another Taylor egg and cheese sandwich

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch You know, you can now move stuff to 'Trash' with a capital T too... that's a room where people can't talk ;)

→ 1 message moved to Trash

Just like this morning: I left the guidance on what to do. But no name-calling in this chatroom

If you're wondering about what to do about a specific behavior, it's fine to ask about that. But focus on the behavior, not on names

Richard U

no name calling anywhere would be nice....

Magisch

→ 8 messages moved to Trash

Tinkeringbell

@RichardU Well, I'm going to keep it out of here on my watch ;) I can't guarantee the everywhere else ;-)

Magisch

13:30

To everyone that just got their messages moved: This isn't an action against you specifically. We'd just like to keep chat welcoming and relatively drama free. This level of conflict needs to be resolved by the appropriate authorities and not by public discussion.

6

@D.Hutchinson Feel free to ping any RO when you encounter rude messages in chat

Or flag them

Tinkeringbell

→ 1 message moved to Trash

Magisch

And now, we're dropping this matter

Richard U

@Magisch yes, and we'll all ignore the lump under the carpet

Magisch

@RichardU It's not that there can't be a problem - it is that we're not the ones who can solve it

Tinkeringbell

@RichardU Rules are rules, but sometimes they change. We've just found out calling people out isn't a good thing, so we try now to stop that behavior by enforcing no-one does it. I personally am not fond of going back through the entire transcript removing everything that may have happened, I don't really have the time for that.

Magisch

13:38

@Tinkeringbell I'll take a pass

And go a couple days back

Richard U

@Magisch I'll pass gas

Mithrandir

sigh

@Magisch Meh. I don't really think it's worth it. Let bygones be bygones.

Richard U

Remember, sometimes the person you don't like HAS A POINT

Magisch

@RichardU I dislike public drama and accusations making our site look like a warzone, not any people in particular

Jesse

@IPSCommentBot could someone explain the different font here for me? how did the comment get returned with a unique font?

Magisch

13:41

Please don't make me time out the room in order to get this subject dropped

HDE 226868

@Mithrandir This. Definitely, definitely, definitely do it via mod flag.

Mithrandir

@Jesse monospace

Generally used for code formatting and quoting in comments.

Jesse

ooh right

thanks

Richard U

@Magisch and all of it could be avoided by allowing people to SAVE FACE

Sid

So much drama around here...

IPS seems to have become an internet warzone

Richard U

13:48

@Sid can we rename this "The Royal Shakespeare Company"

Tinkeringbell

@IntrovertedMetaMan. Pretty much unclear what you're asking to me...

Richard U

14:05

and that meta question is being downvoted, along with all the answers, and people wonder why so many are just throwing their hands up in frustration.

Tinkeringbell

@RichardU Might that be because the question is asking 'can we try implementing a new version of be-nice here' while the answers are saying 'this is what should change' or not even that?

Jesse

Could someone tell me what the recommended method is to specify that you want votes to be used as agree/disagree votes rather than to signify whether its a good/bad meta question?

Tinkeringbell

@Jesse Anything that's tagged feature-request get's votes for disagreement. The rest just gets votes for quality

Not everything is always tagged correctly though!

Jesse

@Tinkeringbell thanks, ill keep it in mind but as an immediate use, the meta question in discussion rn clearly intends to be a feature-request. Whether or not it gets closed

Tinkeringbell

@Jesse Yep, that's one that's phrased like 'I'd like to see this'.. so you can vote on that.

Jesse

14:16

Its a little tough to tag something as a feature-request and then vtc for being a bad feature-request :D bit of a blindside but I think its what we should do in this case

so, I found this: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/1528/…

basically the same problem as the current meta, but it was asked the proper way (received well too) and most importantly I think it comes up with a far better solution than any of the edits to "be nice" would do

Tinkeringbell

Hmmm... that's a lot of 6-8 weeks going on there!

Catija

@Jesse It's apparently more difficult to implement and the devs are too busy.

Jesse

@Catija well damn

Richard U

@Tinkeringbell then don't be surprised when people stop trying to help.

Cashbee

I'm a bit confused by the language there. "And, surprise surprise, off-topic comments on Area51 have all but vanished." doesn't that mean these comments didn't vanish at all?

Tinkeringbell

14:28

@RichardU Just saying... as much I like helpful people on meta, I like them answering the actual question better... Because one of the problems I've seen is people using the answers there for their soapboxing i.e.

I appreciate what you're saying there, and it is correct. But it's not an answer to the question, which was about changes to the be nice policy, not about how to interpret it ;)

Magisch

can we clean up the uncivil comment battleground here: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/12760/…

Richard U

@Magisch nope. I quit

Magisch

@RichardU >_>

<_<

Em C

@Magisch ... am I being uncivil ?

Magisch

No but the discussion itself is

Answer comments aren't the place to hash out if all of IPS is a misandrist place or not

Em C

14:32

well, I agree with that. I guess I am not sure what is uncivil except maybe the last comment by the answerer. Once they edit their source in it could all be cleaned up though.

sphennings

Perhaps I should add another comment about what the comment sections are and are not for.

Jesse

@sphennings I surely hope someone would add a comment to tell you off for such reckless behaviour :^)

Cascabel

"Uncivil comment battleground" is a rather strong phrase when it's mostly just "no longer needed" type stuff.

Cashbee

@sphennings which is not asking for more information or suggesting improvements. see the irony? :P

Cascabel

I know there's been a lot of tension in here; might want to breathe and try not to make too much more :)

Tinkeringbell

14:38

@Cashbee They're allowed though... exactly for that reason. I think I pointed that out on meta today :P

Magisch

Case referencing more what ithe has become. And that one comment

Tinkeringbell

And it is suggesting an improvement: in the way the comments are used ...

sphennings

Basically I'd be suggesting that if they feel that they are being unfairly singled out that they can flag their post for moderator attention.

A J

evening!

Cascabel

It's always an option to just flag and disengage.

If you think you can make a comment that'll deescalate, great, if it's risky you're not obligated to jump in a possible fire.

sphennings

14:41

I think that things might calm down.

If they continue I'll probably jump in again.

I've already commented on that thread about what comments are and are not for.

Last time I did that it didn't escalate things.

Cashbee

yes the tensions seems to be very high currently. went away for one week and found many ips-regulars to be very moody.

without wanting to rehash what's happened, can somebody link me to the most controversial post from last week?

sphennings

@Cashbee Just read meta and see what is linked to in the questions posted in the last week.

Tinkeringbell

@Jesse interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/1528/… In case you wanted to know ;)

Jesse

@Tinkeringbell ahahah

@Tinkeringbell Catija said "@Jesse It's apparently more difficult to implement and the devs are too busy." So I think thats about as 'in the know' as we are likely to get

Tinkeringbell

@Jesse (Yeah, I wrote that comment before I read Catija's reply ;) )

Catija

14:53

@Jesse Robert could be implying that he's pinging one of the Devs to respond.

Tinkeringbell

@Catija Oohh.. Interpretation! :P Could you back that up? :P

Catija

Har har

Tinkeringbell

I hope he does though. I'm a curious type person

Sid

Is it a bug in the mobile version of the site that whenever I edit a message for correction, it sends a new one?

Catija

@Sid I'm pretty sure I've heard people complain about that before... in chat or a comment?

Sid

14:56

Chat. Although I haven't tried it in a comment

Catija

I don't think there's an issue with comments but I think it's a known issue in chat.

12

Q: Editing a previous message posts a new one instead

When editing a message in the new mobile chat, a new message is posted instead of replacing the edited one. Steps I followed to reproduce: I posted a message in (new mobile) chat. Then I selected the message and clicked the pencil icon in the menu bar. The previous message was displayed, a...

bug chat mobile-web

Sid

Ah. So people have faced that issue already. And nothing has been done for 2 years? Sad!

Cashbee

@Sid because its not reproduceable. nobody knows why it sometimes happens and sometimes not

Sid

Also, is it also a bug that when I click on a link in a chatroom, the next time I come back to the chatroom, it sort of happens that I can't see the text I am typing? The problem fixes by reloading..

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee Connection

At least, that's when I see it: if my connection is bad :P

user15026

15:02

Yeah, usually it seems to happen with poor internet connection

Tinkeringbell

@Sid Are you sure the text isn't white? :P I have that sometimes too (e.g. when editing). It's because of a grammar plugin I have installed in my browser.

Sid

@Tinkeringbell maybe. I didn't think much since reloading s page fixes the problem anyway

@Ash Define poor internet connection.

Cashbee

@Sid poor internet connection: when your edits to a chat message are sent as a new message

problem solved

Tinkeringbell

@Sid I installed a dark theme userscript for the chatroom. Fixes it as well :P

Extroverted Main Man

2

Q: How can I give out my telephone number without implying anything?

I have recently purchased a new home and have moved into a neighborhood. I would like to introduce myself to my immediate neighbors and offer them my telephone number in case there is an emergency or if they have a complaint they can contact me without trying to have to see if I am home. The prob...

united-states introductions

Em C

15:07

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/12827/… a perfect illustration of why I take "if you tell people how you feel, they can't argue with it" answers with a helping of salt...

Tinkeringbell

@EmC Well, at least they can't argue with it, on this site

Em C

@Tinkeringbell unless it's a frame challenge, right? :P

Tinkeringbell

@EmC Nope..

You can frame challenge the skill.

Not the feeling :P

Em C

hmm I think that's one area of policy I don't "get" yet... I have some thoughts about frame challenges but they're half-baked still

we have plenty of meta drama at the moment anyhow, maybe I'll save it for a rainy day :P

sphennings

How would you even frame challenge a feeling? "I feel x." "No you don't. You actually feel y."

Tinkeringbell

15:12

@EmC The meta drama is on meta, not chat :P We can spice up the chat with frame challenges ;)

@sphennings More like 'I feel guilty, so I want to apologize' > You should not feel guilty, the other party was an a.. here.

That's not good.

Em C

@sphennings basically. or "You shouldn't feel that way because X."

Jesse

There is a common miss understanding about what is and isn't a frame challenge... I touched on it here if you want to have a read

Catija

@IPSCommentBot ... so... nothing? Then why are we posting in here, babe?

Tinkeringbell

A frame challenge will explain why apologizing is a bad idea ;-)

Em C

@Jesse cool, thanks :)

Tinkeringbell

15:15

@Catija It flipped on +1. Somehow, it doesn't print that that's the regex it used ;)

Magisch

So

Tinkeringbell

So what?

Magisch

Mulling over the atmosphere on meta in the past couple of days. Maybe we could use a reminder post to assume good faith

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch I try to assume brain function? Does that count?

Magisch

Almost all of the current infighting seems to be predicated that we stopped assuming good faith first

@Tinkeringbell It means, when considering commenting or moderating on something, assume the other person is genuine and wants help or wants to help

Tinkeringbell

15:18

@Magisch If you can write one with good examples, by all means, feel free. I'd love to see meta a more friendly place (starting with the questions ;) )

Magisch

Seems we've lost that a bit. It's a requirement of "be nice"

Tinkeringbell

(gotta go, food)

Jesse

@Magisch that is hardly true... there has been plenty of fighting about the quality of answers, rudeness of comments and just plain old arguing about opposing values. To say all the trouble started from people not assuming good faith is far too much of a blanket statement

gparyani

Have we ever had a case where someone asked a question about someone, and the person in question (or someone claiming to be them) responded?

sphennings

I think that it's a bit reductive to assume that all the problems on this site are because people aren't assuming the good faith of other members.

@gparyani I hope not.

gparyani

15:21

For example, someone asked a question about interacting with their SO, and the SO answers.

Jesse

@gparyani yes

gparyani

@Jesse Link?

Jesse

although the example I had in mind was about other SO users

sphennings

It happens on meta all the time. But it's normally someone complaining about the rules being applied to them.

gparyani

In this chat it's easy to confuse "significant other" from "Stack Overflow" ("SO")

Jesse

15:23

ahhahh yes i meant Stack Overflow

@gparyani do you still want a link? id have to search for it and a question calling out another user is generally a good indicator that you won't get too much objective analysis happening

I imagine most got deleted/closed

gparyani

@Jesse Your reply was to my first message; is the question in question on IPS?

Mithrandir

@Tinkeringbell @Catija this is what happens when I don't specify a reason, apparently

Jesse

@gparyani Less common but yes, it still happens occasionally

gparyani

@Jesse So (for example) someone asked about their boyfriend, and the boyfriend actually responded?

Jesse

@gparyani More like someone had an online conversation with another user on the site and then asked a public question about it

gparyani

15:29

@Jesse Don't think that's what I'm referring to

Jesse

I did immediately add the comment "although the example I had in mind was about other SO users
"

Its common on the site to use fake names just incase something like that happens... although the odds are very low so I hardly think its necessary

Magisch

@Jesse From my perception it's a lot of "You did this because {assumption of bad intention}" and "Your answer/question means you are {bad morality}"

I think these are common causes in the latest dramas

gparyani

@Magisch Perhaps "Trash" isn't the nicest name for that room?

Cascabel

I think this might be one of those things you don't really have to debate. Nothing's ever simple, there's probably not just one single cause. But trying more to convey good intent, to find common ground, to listen to others... these are all good things regardless.

Jesse

@Magisch "common" I can leave be, but your first message said "almost all" and under no circumstances will I allow for a moderate exaggeration such as this to slip past chat un-challenged! :-P

sphennings

15:35

@Magisch I think a lot of the problem is that people hear "Don't do x" and think "I do x. They must be talking about me."

Magisch

One of the things that always struck me as particularly useful about stack exchange was that I could always assume the opposing side in any argument wasn't out to just one-over me or make me look bad

That they'd want to reach a conclusion and want to work with me on that

sphennings

It's a little harder on this site since the definition of what is and isn't nice is politicized.

Cascabel

I would also keep in mind that there are underlying reasons here; it's not as simple as people deciding whether or not to assume good intent. It may sometimes be necessary to look deeper, or to at least acknowledge those difficulties.

Mithrandir

@gparyani Why?

sphennings

So answers in good faith can be read as making a political statement., when that isn't the intention of the post.

gparyani

15:37

@Mithrandir Read the message I'm replying to

sphennings

Unfortunately it's impossible to make truly apolitical statements.

Mithrandir

What would you prefer it be called? That's one of the trash rooms used by ROs across the chat server.

Jesse

@gparyani Don't take it personally, if the title of trash is rude/upsetting then you are reading it wrong. The only thing it implies is that the messages were removed from the main chat.

sphennings

I always find it amusing when I'm invited to Trash.

gparyani

SOCVR is considering changing one of their rooms' names from "Sanitarium"

sphennings

15:44

It's a funny quirk of this site and the English language.

Mithrandir

@sphennings GET IN THE TRASH

Jesse

in hindsight... "you are reading it wrong" might just be the sort of comments we are talking about discouraging :D it might be time for me to do some serious self reflection

sphennings

@Mithrandir Now I know what you really think of me. :p

Catija

@sphennings This is why I like the mod trash. No invitations.

Cascabel

In some cases "[The] Archive]" would maybe be friendlier, but of course, sometimes trash is used for things that really should be gone, with no implication that someone should ever read them again (and ROs can't bulk delete).

sphennings

15:47

Getting a ping letting me know that a RO is deleting a conversation, is good feedback that a particular conversation is out of line.

Jesse

then maybe changing the name would actually be a solid meta proposal...

Mithrandir

@Jesse a ROFL can always just create a new room to move it to with whatever name they wanton.

Cascabel

I would say that, broadly, it's always going to be hard for the name of the room to precisely convey the flavor of the RO/mod action. So it may be one of those things that's easier to solve with disclaimers than renaming/making new rooms.

Catija

Technically, it's not "our" trash - any room can use it. The benefit of having it called "Trash" is that it's easy to find.

gparyani

@Catija Ah, missed that.

Extroverted Main Man

16:33

-1

Q: Colleague Replies in Bold text

How do I deal with a colleague who constantly replies with comments in bold, without upsetting them. I find the answers confrontational.

conflict-aversion

0

Q: How to deal with a person who always yells even over a very small thing

I always hear this person yell. Could someone please tell me how to deal with it? Thank you!

difficult-people

Extroverted Main Man

17:08

0

Q: How should I react to a friend stealing my work

I and a group of friends started a development group called Axiom Games. We started developing a game called Moonlit. I wrote a lot of code, and built up the beginning of the whole project. Recently, one of the people in the group who had the idea in the first place claimed he was the owner and w...

friends awkward-situations

Mithrandir

17:40

flag-pls, del-pls | NaA | How can I give out my telephone number without implying anything?

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