Every now and then, I'm reminded about something awful or embarrassing that I did, and this, sadly, includes sexual harassment, mostly in the form of - but not limited to - drunken messages or phone calls.
I understand that the best thing to do is just to not harass someone in the first place, b...
I'm not really sure how to improve this question. The answers really do cover all the situations I'm thinking about.
From the top answer: "You don't need to call out any specific victims, but a general [message] seems to strengthen the movement, [...] and will probably help you feel better about it."
That answers my question.
And I did describe the nature of the harassment in question (years ago, not physical, not work-related, unwarranted and most likely unwanted drunk texts and calls). Isn't that clear enough?
@AdamJensen You're asking "what can I do"... perhaps try asking "how can I atone" or "how can I apologize" ? If you're asking what to do in general, you're flirting with answers anywhere from "do nothing" to "find them and talk to them in person and apologize"... there's a lot of middle ground there. :D
Clearly this is something that is still upsetting you, so explain why you want to apologize, what you hope to gain from it. You may still get people responding "move on" but hopefully you'll also get some answers that let you know whether apologizing is appropriate at all and, if so, how to do it. We have a similar question from early on in the site's history that I don't know is a great example but it might give you some ideas of the sort of answers you might get.
@Catija thanks. I changed the title. I did some searching, but couldn't find a question about apologizing for sexual harassment. There was one on apologizing for scolding though.
@AdamJensen Yeah, this was a guy in a shared house situation who was overheard by some female roommates that he'd like to see them at some sort of... anime thing... or something. I don't remember it exactly.
The problem with that selfish motivation is that, if you did harm this other person, you risk doing further harm by reaching out to them again... it's a difficult situation to be in.
I find that a third party or written message to open a dialogue is often helpful. It gives them the choice to decide whether they want to interact or not.
@apaul I'm sorry, I can shut up? :P But seriously, I can imagine that you're getting a lot more bs your way, you've been courageous enough to put a lot of your personality on the internet, even the parts that half the world sadly doesn't accept or even tolerates yet....
@apaul Hey, I'm also here to learn to deal with such things... I think the opposite will be true. People will come here with no IPS at all and expect a miracle cure... And in the mean time, hurt a lot of others.
@apaul Hmm.... yeah... I can see where that causes friction... to some extent you expect it, but you're also disappointed when it actually happens (a lot).
I think you should stay... you've been my best teacher so far regarding those topics ;)
@apaul I'm sorry, but I can't change the world for you :( I've started with myself though :)
@apaul Why not? You can throw middle fingers at your screen if that helps you vent (and you're not anywhere near people that will see you do it :P )... Then flag, or post a link in chat so we can see how often this happens + help you flag
You know, you can take 10 minute breaks from IPS... I've survived one, once :P
@apaul I know... I've written 37 answers so far, and I think I'm only applying half of my own advice in similar situations ;)... Most of my answers are 'talk about it, calmly'... yeah, wait until I get up to steam! :P
@apaul Oh romance... our teacher had us write an essay about it once, what we thought would be 'romance'. I got an A, but also a very disapproving look :P
I flagged an answer as rude/abusive, here is the answer in it's entirety:
Try to flirt with him online, on facebook/whatsapp/whatever. He doesn't approach you because it could be dangerous for his reputation if you reject him and tell everyone. (look at this ton of judgemental comments, even ...
@apaul kids those days :P I had no idea what to write... so we had a philosophy class about language... and I wrote something along the lines of 'romance is just a word, and a bad one at that because what romance is varies for every person you ask'.
And since every essay that was turned in was different, teacher could do nothing more than give me an A, even though he hated the essay :P
@Tinkeringbell: Meta man probably didn't picked it up as he was too busy to help main man with the question if NVZ wants to be more then just friends :D
@Tinkeringbell: its a tick. too curious letting anything unread in here. So I responded to that joke. You too had been making it. and I followed up on that, despite a bit late '^.^
Well I'm not having trouble, dating an alley cat, as long everyone plays with open cards and is honest about feelings. Smokey never promised me love, just to notify me, when to have some jump on some badys '^.^
>.<
@Tinkeringbell: By the way what elections had you been speaking about yesterday?
I'm a 24-year-old programmer earning about around 30K/month (Indian rupee).
I have always lived with my parents.
They always compare me with others who are earning higher wages or those who are doing higher studies and are making me feel like I'm junk and not improving in life.
Now I am also l...
@ExtrovertedMainMan this has a strong indian culture thing to it. A lot of the Indian parents compare their kids' achievements with that of other kids. I think OP wants to tell them that he is doing well enough that he's not as worthless as the parents think he is.
After having read that, I'm curious if IPS works as autism magnet, due to the appreciation, passive attention and possible positive feedback our posts about experiences might receive. I wouldn't have admit it. But reading that post somewhat reveals thats a pattern, I tend to aswell.
I'm actually even thinking about giving it a bounty, too....
@NVZ Okay, so do we do a hero-edit? It reads to me like OP wants to talk to his parents and convey to them that they are hurting his confidence, but I'm not sure, I need input.
@Vylix: Hm, well, for stackoverflow, I started to hang around, as giving good answers gave me some sort of acceptance I was missing in real life at that time, and still some what am. Enjoying this sort of feedback was a reason for me, to even fully motivated learn C by its ISO/IEC:9899 standard '^.^ . To get more often this feeling.
For IPS its definitely also the encyclopedia usage part, but thats just a BIG HUGE chery on top of that for me. That post made me actually realize it. I'm not that different from what that user described. Despite not as incisive in all mentioned areas.
@Tinkeringbell: I was thinking there was a "has to be double of the previous bounty, but can't exceed 500"-rule. And hmmm.... I don't like hero edits. >.<
@Tinkeringbell the girl I talked about in my question. I have a few ideas to approach here (because of the answers) but I still am very nervous, so I want some advice to deal with the nervousness (the answers on my questions were good advice) (I don't mean to disrespect anyone that helped me, they helped me with the ideas for the approach)
@Vylix see my only question for background, this is only a continuation.
I know that if I feel nervous, I'm not texting her (I want to, but lack the confidence) not wanting to confess is just trying to prevent misinterpretation
Right now I'm still "analyzing the situation" to prevent bad outcomes
@Tinkeringbell but sometimes we both are online, waiting for each other to say something (i know that because when I type something after the silence, I have those two blue icons (in WA, I hope you know what i mean with "blue icons"))
Well, she isn't required to type back instantly/reply instantly. If a friend of mine texts me a 'Hey!' without anything else, I might read it immediately but not answer as it's not as high priority as what I'm currently doing --> e.g. work
I have various of interest and like to study more about them. I had been in university but it was so stressful(because of the speed, competition and exam), so I quitied it. Since then I mainly study on my own. I'm right now at the age where I should have a career, so all the pressure, expection f...
I have various of interest and like to study more about them. I had been in university but it was so stressful(because of the speed, competition and exam), so I quitied it. Since then I mainly study on my own. I'm right now at the age where I should have a career, so all the pressure, expection f...
Okay.... it sounds to me like you might be 'tracking' her a little much... Is this something you pay attention to all the time? Or just because we're talking about it now you're mentioning things you've noticed once or twice?
@Termatinator Because at that moment, she's not. We're now speculating about all those times she doesn't respond immediately ;-)
Point here is: She might be online and read your message, but actually be doing something else/having another conversation on her phone, and thus not replying instantly. It's pretty common to not reply immediately, even when a message is read, and it's pretty common to get an instant reply --> It's sort of a russian roulette
If your conversations with her aren't coming to a grinding halt every time, you've got nothing to worry about regarding that.
@Tinkeringbell She does reply instantly, the silence comes when one of us reply with a very short answer (happened on both sides) But when I ultimately write something else, she does reply instantly, that's why I think she is not having another conversation
Now, where were we? I think I was trying to figure out why you were so nervous about whatsapping her, asked if you were worried about conversations falling short.... and then we got this whole discussion...
@Termatinator Yeah.... well, to me, if I only get a smileyface in return, I often don't know how to keep the conversation going as well... So it might stop for a few minutes, and then either me or my friend picks it up by either changing topic or replying to a more previous message with a more elaborate reply...
So that's normal as well, not too much to worry about.
@Termatinator Can you give 1 example of what you talk about? Does it cause nervousness because of your love for her, or because it's such a serious issue your discussing?
@Tinkeringbell both, I'm getting my nervousness from every little thing, eventually it becomes too much. I know that analyzing is causing some of it, but I do that automatically
@Termatinator: Well, you mentioned you 2 have the same disorder. So would her behavior fit for running through the same worries as you do right now? She reads what you wrote but is too nervous of reacting, not able to check the possible outcomes and trys to analyize it harder before responding?
Well, I wouldn't advertise this and especially don't take ti literally, but I know how you feel, and for my self I figured out most helpful in such a situation is just pulling down my shorts. I mean yeah, that makes it even more awkward and stressful and the nervousness until you get response feels like hell. But for me I figured, the summed stress is less in this 3 hours over taking all those worries with me for weeks if not even months. So I would straight out tell her how I was feeling.
@Termatinator: Dunno, I could be wrong too. Anyways. if you too are as close to each other as you describe and you enjoy meeting each other but might have trouble in holding verbiage contact and finding verbiage topics... I still think you don't need a conversation to ask her to meet.
But that might also just be due to my direct behavior.
We don't live close (reason for conversation) nervousness (opinion-based reason for conversation). These are my reasons for the conversation. I just think it isn't complete without a small conversation, ask her what she has done in the last few weeks, for example (you do got a good point, maybe one of the problems is that I am a perfectionist)
Social Interactions can't be made perfect. There are always things one prefers, another doesn't. But yeah sure ask her what she did, thats totally valid.
Last week I went to an event and met a very nice girl. We talked a little, she was very amiable and I gave here my facebook so we could talk later.
A week later, she has not contacted me in any way. Since she was working as a vendor on a store on the event, I'm thinking about emailing the compan...
We could start arguing, that comment was just a clarification about the close reason, adding a comment what would be in most peoples opinion be best. So the answer in an comment is more of a comment as an answer x'D
why on my avatar appeared a blue mark notifying me about flags someone made and asking me for ti being valid? 0o bug in accessing admin tools? Or some other feature?
kk xD But back to my question about moderator tools. getting a blue pop up about comments that had been flagged, is that a moderator tool? and either why, why I had this for a short period?
Yeah, I mean I never saw such a cute sounding slogan on a cigaret box here in germany. "Rooken is dödelig" xD dödelig is a german childish word for being stupid. So funny!^^
@Catija: Is it a moderator tool, if I have here in chat a blue mark on my avatar notifying me about flaged comments? If so, Why I had like 10 notifications of Spanish stackoverflow? xD
I flagged an answer as rude/abusive, here is the answer in it's entirety:
Try to flirt with him online, on facebook/whatsapp/whatever. He doesn't approach you because it could be dangerous for his reputation if you reject him and tell everyone. (look at this ton of judgemental comments, even ...
I'm a 24-year-old programmer earning about around 30K/month (Indian rupee).
I have always lived with my parents.
They always compare me with others who are earning higher wages or those who are doing higher studies and are making me feel like I'm junk and not improving in life.
Now I am also l...
Let's go Dutch is a kind, warm, and peaceful type of proposal?
