Hmmm starts to be annoying. We really should better specify our flags and close reasons.... I once had a "Why men do X to young women?" And it got heavily down voted as being an assumption that can't get confirmed and it being POB. It was so badly receied that meanwhile tis already autodeleted. Seeing others with that exact same kind of question getting very good feedback doesn't look reasonable to me.
While I would say interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/3297/… is still different from the others as it asks for the usage of a specific phrase rather for the intention of an action. Thats very different in my view.
I'm about to ask a question, but not sure if I should tak it as asperger aswell. Its related to https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/5553/32 I once had an encounter with a stranger, it was a old women, using a walker. She had trouble to leave the train and I was trying to help her, when she just snapped at me "Don't touch me, how dare you to think I'm not able to get along by my self?" Since that occasion I feel lost when ever I see someone apparently being in need of help.
I would like to ask if I can predetermine if some one WANTS help or just looks like that. while on the one hand…
@dhein I'd certainly at least mention the aspergers - I don't know how big a factor it is in this case, but definitely worth mentioning as it might be relevant (this is, of course, just my opinion)
Well, no... I can't tell anymore if I said at least something like "let me help you" But when helping in such situations, I feel like I'm obligated to, and want to get through as fast as possible >.<
As a person who is what is euphemistically called a "senior citizen" I occasionally receive offers of "help" that I do not need and do not want. Maybe in 10 years I will, but not now.
I cannot figure out what prompts this "helpfulness" -- certainly nothing in my gait. I could run most of them r...
Meh.... but also strangers hear my voice, for some reason. So I feel like I have to scream on them, to get a reaction. Even anyone else seems to take it as normal level when I feel like screaming makes me still feel uncomfortable v.v
Seems like the solution for me would be "Don't feel obligated to behave polite to strangers"? '^.^
@Tinkeringbell: Btw, "Even if there is 10 Tinkerbells — that are overjoyed to be flirted at in the workplace — to every 1 Mary... you don't do it." You feel overjoyed to be flirted in the workplace? interesting x'D
@Tinkeringbell: Well, as said. I can't let a discussion go untill its finished. I literally can't.... I wished you hadn't linked it to me. Especially as it seems neverending.... but yeah, I still have to^
@dhein Don't think of it as 'finished'... think of it as 'how many rounds on the track do you want to run' --> If you step off, you're finished.. others may choose to go for another round, but you can only run as far as your condition allows ;)
This argument is only going in circles, so how many rounds do you want to run?
Exactly thats the way I'm thinking of it, and I allready finsihed rounds f rounds ago. But I still have to keep watching how much more rounds others can take. And Michaels conditions is "breathtaking"
Hahaha, oh, so now you're just a spectator ;) That's good. But don't get too worked up over it. As I've said, I've said all that I wanted to say... Of course, rule of thumb is 'don't approach a girl at her workplace', but if you're in love and have hormones raging through your body, you don't think straight (I always compare it to puberty) --> So in this case, the man did the best he could do, he was serious about it (maybe also creepy), and didn't blurt out a 'wanna have sex tonight' to Mary ;)
And now I'll have to go eat breakfast, I have a driving lesson in 40 minutes ;)
@Tinkeringbell: Whats this #metoo about by the way? I heard today in a radio show a man talking about being an animator and once years ago, when he was disassembling the stage a women kept sitting at a bonfire and when he asked her if she is waiting for someone she responded "Yeah, I'm waiting for you" I mean.... common, serious?
Have fun, or should I say good luck? :P
But for the no one likes to be touched unasked, I saw quiet a few times others helping an old women in a similiar way, I think I just tryed to copy that behavior.... So ahhh... I think I'll just screw my question, too much to consider to feel fine while being that polite anyways. Wanted to talk with my therapist next week anyways as there was a court case here in germany about somone died as everyone ignored him.
And I need to know, up to what degree I can identify people requiring help, I'm obligated to give.... such situations make me realy feel very uncomfortable :/
Well, I'd say you probably didn't hear them ask, or these people already knew the old lady?
You might have just encountered somebody having a bad day.. There's a difference between not helping somebody that's dying and not helping a woman of the train ;) There's this thing called the bystander effect where everybody starts watching but nobody feels it's his job to do something, after all there are others that can do it as well...
I say that 'normal' people ask before doing something, so I ask 'can I help you', or 'Am I allowed to help you?'
Oh yeah, the is it weird/rude thing. That's what I was working on ;)
I'll get to that this afternoon.
@dhein Nice! I'm having a day off today, and that's already a huge relief ;) I could sleep till 10 this morning, instead of my usual 6AM alarm ;)
@dhein So they don't hear you, unless you scream? So you're naturally inclined to speak in a very soft voice, and when you go louder you feel you're screaming and only then do people think you're speaking in a normal level?
@Tinkeringbell: Dunno. But you see, all this is connected with sooo many questions, If's and shoulds and woulds, everyone else gets probably intuitive, but I have to ask it my self v.v
Yeah ofcourse there is a difference. But then again. I had already many bad, if note even more bad then good experiences by trying to help others. I once asked a drunken man if he is ok or needs help. He responded but I wasn't able to understand him. Due to my Asperger in such situations I already feel insecure added to that the wrong bodylanguage I express or what ever might be the reason makes strangers ac…
@Tinkeringbell: Ah thats why you had been missing this morning xP
Well Dunno. I think it happens unconsicious, since close friends most of the time complain about my loud voice. While when I tell something I'm not sure others even care about, People tell me later that they didn't even noticed me speaking up. But I my self don't notice a difference in volume. Thats actually why it feels for me like I have to scream on strangers that they hear me....
@dhein "as long you dont bring your self in danger" Well... That's... Helpful - how on earth are you supposed to know if you're putting yourself in danger or not?
@Mithrandir24601: Yep, but funnily one of the 3 argued "well drunkmans are lying around here all day and I usually just want to get there away, I didn't expect that man to be anything but drunk" And the judges response was to that in the reasoning: "The lack of empathy these days is not an excuse for breaking the law" I felt somewhat discriminated by that and thats as said why I feel like I really should talk to my therapist about that worries.
@Mithrandir24601: Not on point, but summarized one could say its up to you, to proof that there was a danger. Here in germany you might even get trouble if you faithfully expected to get in danger but in the end it turned out there was no danger. INAL but thats what I perceived ehre so far.
@dhein It's probably a different country, but here, the areas where there are drunk people lying on the street are generally in areas and times where/when you wouldn't want to stop for worry/anxiety about something happening to you (not so bad for me, but I've had friends who have definitely been 'followed' at night)
Well it is. I mean these 3 people. All of them stated the same story, the are used to drunken homeless lying around there all day and they prefer just getting away asap. The woman argued that she is scared of them anyways as she once had been chased and really has no intend to communicate with them there. Well yeah that was a point too, this happened at 5pm while the drunken start sleeping there usually not before 8pm.
They were found guilty, the 2 man were sentenced to pay 3800€ the woman for 4400€ as she was not seeing reason. But I can understand her... I mean if they sleep there allway…
@JarkoDubbeldam: well ofcourse it was an exceptional coinsidence. And I just hope the judge was a hardliner here.... but except from that. Even the media showcased the defendants as "unhuman bad beings" and everyone in the socialmedias was like "How could they dare".... But well, I would have acted the same.
@dhein Ah, I know the drunken man case... I think it was in the media here (netherlands) as well... Hmmm, yeah, that makes this a lot more difficult. I'm curious, keep us up to date :)
Sometime I feel embarassed when looking a girl dancing in a show. I'm not speaking about lapdance or things like that, but 'regolar' dances.
Probabily I'm making myself too many problems but where and what I should look?
I mean... off course I'm there because I like dances and I appreciate eithe...
I'm usually good at this sort of stuff but I don't know how to handle this situation. I'll start from the beginning.
Backstory
About 2-3 years ago, a good friend of mine, Henry, stole a grinder from another "friend" of his and gave it to me. I didn't want it at first but he convinced me to tak...
@Catija also the user ids are adjacent. probable that the user first posted without signing up (the first user id is unregistered) but then realized it immediately and joined the site, but got a second user id (and an association bonus). i say its the same user.
I am having superficial dental work done that's not related to any health issues. There are two doctors at the practice I go to:
1) dr. who I've had more interaction with during my various visits to the practice, and
2) dr. who got assigned (because of my availability) to my case over a year ...
I spend a lot of time in online communities. While I have a day job in an office and a family (spouse and child) most of the connections I have with people who I consider to be "friends" are people who I know only online. Those I work with don't really do any team-building outside of the office a...
I am having superficial dental work done that's not related to any health issues. There are two doctors at the practice I go to:
1) dr. who I've had more interaction with during my various visits to the practice, and
2) dr. who got assigned (because of my availability) to my case over a year ...
