The Awkward Silence

Extroverted Main Man

12:09 AM

0

A while back I met a really cute boy. He has these gorgeous eyes and I can't stop seeing them in my head. Even my boyfriend admits he's attractive. Well anyways, it is kind of awkward because although he knows who I am, we don't really talk that much. I would really love to be able to talk to hi...

spiral succulent

somebody upvoted that^ facepalm

user15026

@ExtrovertedMainMan I really don't get all this "BUT I DREAMED WE KISSED OH NO HOW DO I TELL MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER I DREAMED ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE" - to me, if you let a dream make all sorts of waves in your relationship....that says a lot about your relationship and none of it good. If your SO is going to get jealous over a dream, which you can't control, that's a problem, and on the flip side, if you think a dream indicates you have major feelings for someone, then that's a problem too.

sphennings

@spiralsucculent Someone downvoted that^ facepalm

user15026

We don't even know why we dream, last I checked.

spiral succulent

I can't tell if the question is trolling or written by a teenager

am I old?

user15026

12:19 AM

I am also a terrible person because I'm like "guys you know poly is a thing right" even though in a lot of these "OH NO I HAD BRIEF ATTRACTION TO SOMEONE ELSE THE SKY IS FALLING" cases poly would be a really bad idea but....y'know.

sphennings

@Ash That doesn't even need poly to resolve.

spiral succulent

>I really feel like I should talk to my boyfriend about this dream (my boyfriend and I have something really special, and I think that we will be together ten, twenty years down the road) but I'm so scared that my boyfriend is going to dump me.

sphennings

Plenty of healthy monogamous relationships allow for the possibility of being attracted to people who aren't their partner.

user15026

@sphennings Oh, I know :) Heck, me and my husband are mono (at least for the current forever) and we talk all the time about who we find interesting in whatever ways

user15026

Communication and all that

2

user15026

12:22 AM

@spiralsucculent These statements are so at odds with each other :P

spiral succulent

lmao I know

user15026

sings the "One of these things is not like the other" song

spiral succulent

I read that line and wondered how somebody could write it with a straight face

lmao, its tagged as "awkward-situations'

this question could be our coal standard bad question

user15026

I just kinda...goggle at how many people are like WE WILL BE TOGETHER FOREVER YES and then go "BUT I AM SO TERRIFIED IF I DO ONE TINYTHING THEY WILL LEAVE"

user15026

and like...in a way, I get that, I used to be that, but I did a lot of work on myself and my relationship to myself to get past that

user15026

12:29 AM

but people don't like to do that sort of thing it seems

spiral succulent

im not sure its even a resistance to self reflection and development as much as a blind spot to the need for it

Thats another tough aspect of this site

TheTinyMan

@spiralsucculent Both, I'd wager - both a blind spot to the need for it, and for most of those who have that blind spot and many who don't their self-esteem is wrapped up in already-being-right in unhealthy ways. Our society teaches us that. And toxic monogamy.

spiral succulent

seeing questions that have an intrapersonal solution

user15026

It doesn't help that the world is very insistent that a) you FIND YOUR TWU LUV and the b) EVERYTHING CAN MAKE THEM LEAVE

user15026

I hate that bullshit

user15026

12:38 AM

oh, if they look at another person they will leave you, if you aren't perfect they will leave, if you argue they will leave

TheTinyMan

IMO working on the self is a key element in interpersonal development

spiral succulent

exactly

user15026

It is, but that's a hard thing to really give advice on because it gets too close to the "be my free therapist" line

user15026

and that's....not a good place, and often is problematioc

TheTinyMan

It's not a good place for so many reasons.

spiral succulent

12:39 AM

a lot of interpersonal skills are no-brainers once you work through the idea that other people are equivalently important and complex as yourself and your actions have consequences on those people

user15026

like I don't nkow about other places but here when you get a degree in therapy related stuff they're like "do not do therapy on any friends/family because that's just a bad idea, don't do it for anyone who isn't set up at your practice etc like random people on the street"

user15026

because like....oh god what a mess

spiral succulent

yeah, also, talk about a squishy topic

user15026

There's a reason those sorts of helping professions are so regulated, y'know?

spiral succulent

i agree

user15026

12:40 AM

@spiralsucculent oh gods, yes

user15026

like IPS is squishy enough some days

spiral succulent

yea, intrapersonal would be a mess

user15026

I think it is hard for people to admit that they might be part of their own problem

user15026

it's so much easier to look outward

spiral succulent

agreed

sometimes we work in a bit of intrapersonal into an answer

My answer and the top answer on the cheating wife question last week both remind OP that he and his friends are not innocents in the situation. However, in that case OP's question made it seem like they already knew that

TheTinyMan

1:02 AM

Yeah, I try to do that, too. :-)

apaul

1:17 AM

It's beginning to look a lot like we may have a sympathy vote problem... Or at least someone is consistently upvoting terrible questions.

Extroverted Main Man

-2

Q: How can I have a relationship with this girl?

When I was 15 years old I found saw a girl on Instagram who was 13 years old. She was an amazing girl. I was fall in love but I didn't message her, because i thought she'd block me. So I followed her account. I used to see her pictures everyday. I cannot spend a day without seeing her picture. Be...

relationships online-relationships

apaul

@ExtrovertedMainMan This. Someone up voted this?

TheTinyMan

@apaul Wow, uh. Maybe the account was a smurf? O.o

apaul

@TheTinyMan What?

D.Hutchinson

how much of a bounty draws good attention to a question? 50 seems "cheap" ...

150 maybe? hmm ...

sphennings

1:23 AM

Pay whatever you want.

D.Hutchinson

not for IPS questions ... for another SE site

Oo I see

user15026

Whatever makes you happy?

D.Hutchinson

I see

150

thanks everyone :)

TheTinyMan

@apaul Maybe the OP has another account with upvote privileges.

sphennings

@TheTinyMan I doubt that it was vote collusion.

TheTinyMan

1:27 AM

@sphennings I'm trying to preserve my faith for humanity :'(

apaul

@TheTinyMan try harder ;)

sphennings

Some people really value questions about "getting the girl"

Despite the fact that the OP hasn't ever had a legit interaction with them.

apaul

It seems a lot of people don't know how voting works, or at least that meta question would seem to suggest that.

user15026

I hate that whole "I followed her online so I know she's my soulmate"

apaul

I hate that whole "soulmate"

TheTinyMan

1:33 AM

@Ash It just evidences such a horrible disconnection with reality... I pity these people almost as much as I pity the objects of their affection. Well..half as much.

user15026

Amen to that

sphennings

IMO it's much worse to be on the receiving end.

user15026

It is very exhausting

sphennings

The worst that's going to happen for the OP is some teenage angst which would have happened anyway and some embarrassment when they look back once they grow up a bit.

TheTinyMan

Probably. Much to my shame, for years in high school, I did the putting-someone-who-barely-knows-me-on-a-pedestal thing. My every thought was about this person and how I can try to mold myself into something worthy of her. It was...decidedly not healthy, and it was pretty miserable for me, constantly telling myself that I wasn't good enough to so much as talk to her. Sure...wasn't fun for her either though. It took me three years to stop pining, although I stayed physically away after she really shut me down somewhere in the first of those.

apaul

1:45 AM

@TheTinyMan I suspect that most of us were.

TheTinyMan

Disclaimer: I am not arguing that what I went through was any more difficult than what the recipient of such affections would or did go through

sphennings

I think it's still important to talk about, since hearing people go "I remember when I was young and immature like you, boy was I stupid" can be an effective way to nudge someone towards altering their behavior.

TheTinyMan

Yeah...pretty sure I heard that at least a time or two. :-P There'd be someone better? But this image I'd crafted was *perfect,* all the more so for its unattainability!

I don't even know what I'd say to past-me, haha.

Extroverted Main Man

1

Q: How to politely repel negative suggestive comments about the work morale or atmosphere?

I am part of a group of software developers who work remotely in different parts of the world. Some of us work in the U.S. and some in 3 other countries. The colleagues that work outside of USA are long-term contractors hired through external consulting firms while we in the U.S. are permanent em...

united-states work-environment politeness

apaul

@TheTinyMan "If the guy I was then met the guy I am now he'd beat the s*** out of me."

sphennings

2:07 AM

I'd tell my past self that all my successful relationships grew from existing friendships, and five years later it's the people I remained friends with that still matter, not that I dated them.

apaul

I don't think I would bother to give my past self any advice... Would have caused me to miss too many adventures. I guess the things we live through shape who we are, without the mess I wouldn't be the same person.

sphennings

@apaul I'm thinking more of general advice rather than specific tips like invest in bitcoin in 2010.

apaul

@sphennings Sort of a personal chaos theory... If I've learned anything from bad sci-fi it's that monkeying around with the timeline always has unintended consequences.

sphennings

I can understand that sentiment. Playing the what if game never ends well.

apaul

2:22 AM

Also... Old me would very likely chalk it up to hallucination and disregard the advice anyway.

user15026

@apaul I'd like a little less pain but I also like where I am now, so

apaul

Same here, wouldn't really want the ability to make those choices, or visit those times again.

Extroverted Main Man

2:43 AM

0

Q: Handling monetary issues

In a few weeks from now, I would be in a senior position and would be handling a few activities of the team directly. The concern is not workplace per se, but it is more of dealing with money. Situation 1 Here in India, a few clients provide entertainment fund to their team members. This can b...

work-environment india money

A J

4:28 AM

Morning all!

D.Hutchinson

Morning, dawg :)

A J

dawg?

D.Hutchinson

yeah :)

dude?

bro?

which do you prefer?

homie?

I'm Davidoff Hutchinson

My mom is Swiss and my dad is English - that's how I got my name :)

apaul

5:05 AM

Dude-bro

Sorry, couldn't help it.

D.Hutchinson

haha

@apaul wanna answer my new Meta question? :)

apaul

@D.Hutchinson whatcha got?

D.Hutchinson

the one regarding citation and attribution

I posted it about 10 minutes ago

prob gonna be important, if the community would want more research-based questions and answers going forward ...

apaul

I wouldn't say that Oprah is solid source material, but at least you linked to the source...

Emojis are generally frowned upon in SE posts. Not a huge deal, just a pointer.

D.Hutchinson

really?

Oo I see

I'll remove them, no worries

the Oprah article was good - but yeah, good when compared to a few other articles I read ...

so it was only relative ...

apaul

5:16 AM

A quote is only worthwhile if the person you're quoting is. Not trying to bash Oprah, but it may be better to lean more scholarly than pop culture.

D.Hutchinson

I see

can it get more scholarly, for IPS topics?

I imagine that'd be hard to find ... or maybe not ...

for instance, I referenced some guidelines published out of Cornell's health center website, I think, for that question regarding that person hearing about a rape and deciding whether to tell the girlfriend about it ...

although I possibly didn't post the answer ... cuz the question was closed ... I forget ...

apaul

Mhmm.

D.Hutchinson

Oo I posted and deleted it ...

6

Q: How can I tell my friend her boyfriend is (allegedly) a rapist?

My friend Alice is going out with Bob. Myself and others have seen Bob acting inappropriately with other women (getting very close and caressing) multiple times and we suspect he has slept with other people. Recently, Bob was acting inappropriately with another women at a bar when Alice was in a...

relationships friend-groups sexual-assault

cuz my answer was addressing how the friend should listen to the victim, not in helping her decide how to tell Alice ... the girlfriend ...

apaul

Somethings are better answered out of personal experience...

Perhaps most things.

Admittedly a combination of both is sometimes ideal. But generally if you need to Google to get started, it's probably better to skip it.

D.Hutchinson

I see ...

Introverted Meta Man.

5:27 AM

0

Q: Are there guidelines for citing and attributing an answer?

In an answer to this question, How do I tell a roommate I'm not renewing his lease?, I've tried to attribute each section to the relevant author that was cited in an article - I also gave the link to the article itself. After reading a bunch of articles to try and post the best answer to OP's ...

discussion feature-request moderation

apaul

Still kinda feels like "creative writing"

D.Hutchinson

the quotes from the Oprah article?

it seems helpful ...

apaul

The persona in general, but I think you knew that.

D.Hutchinson

yeah ... it does feel scripted ... when giving it another read ...

apaul

Nice evasion ;)

D.Hutchinson

5:38 AM

huh?

how did I evade?

you're talking about my Oprah article answer, right?

apaul

Nope.

D.Hutchinson

Oo

my Meta question?

apaul

Who are you really? Kinda get the feeling that this whole thing is a mask. Why does a person who's about to leave it all behind to join a monastery care about how posts are cited on SE?

D.Hutchinson

I'm Davidoff Hutchinson - my mom's Swiss and my dad's English.

I'm moving to Tibet in July :) for a 6-month monastic living program

And will also be teaching English there :)

citation and attribution are important ...

though you're right that Oprah's article isn't necessarily the best reference to use ...

apaul, a friend of mine -- not super close to me -- died a few days ago :( there are lots of candles lit for him, near my building. and, I'm only just now learning of his secret life - gang-related stuff. he died pretty violently, apparently, but people aren't really talking about any details; I guess it doesn't matter at this point :(

apaul

Right... Either there's some mental health things going on or you're returning to a script. Or both, both would make a great deal of sense.

D.Hutchinson

5:51 AM

huh?

nah, no script, dude ...

this is real ...

anyway ... we don't have to talk about it anymore ...

just saying ... geez ... life is short ...

one night, I'm talking Knicks basketball with him, and the next night he's gone ...

Tinkeringbell

6:48 AM

Morning all!

Sid

@Tinkeringbell ..I guess. All I got is that we had done enough and if they don't want to come, they may not.

A J

@Tinkeringbell Good afternoon!

Magisch

7:20 AM

morning

Anne Daunted

7:37 AM

Taylor Swift - Delicate

►

Tinkeringbell

8:56 AM

So I just got of the phone, I'm going to get a very nice new project (hopefully XD) :D

sphennings

That's awesome!

Tinkeringbell

Yep... :D If I do this right, I get into the GeoICT business... it relates to both programming and some of the stuff I used to do when studying archaeology (maps)

JAD

@Tinkeringbell sounds related:

Tinkeringbell

Hahaha Yeah, maybe that ;)

Although this will be for utility companies, so probably just pipelines and stuff...

:P

Cashbee

do you guys know every xkcd by heart? :D

JAD

9:04 AM

I know a bunch

Tinkeringbell

Duh...

I've read that site thrice now :P

JAD

but in this case, googling easy impossible xkcd was enough

Cashbee

okay okay don't mob me :)

Tinkeringbell

You know, that's what programmers do for half the day :P

'Are you stealing those LCDs?' 'Yeah, but I'm doing it while my code compiles.'

Reading xkcd :P

Cashbee

and modding SE sites :)

Tinkeringbell

9:07 AM

Meh, mostly just keeping an eye on the chatroom, making sure there's no mutinies :P

Although those are apaul's thing, and they're asleep now

Cashbee

have you seen the SO survey results yet?

Tinkeringbell

No, are they bad? :P

JAD

scrolled through

Cashbee

it has some interesting stuff

Tinkeringbell

Found them. Will read during lunch. Now, work!

Cashbee

9:10 AM

92% of the surveyed are male

Tinkeringbell

(The manager I just spoke emphasized they wanted women on the project... :/)

JAD

@Cashbee proposterous, more women should be encouraged to fill in the survey

Tinkeringbell

@JAD How? Free stickers?

JAD

@Tinkeringbell A gold badge on SO!

Tinkeringbell

@JAD What for? Having boobs? that's nasty!

Magisch

9:13 AM

@Tinkeringbell I would be so annoyed by that

Tinkeringbell

a gold boob badge... seriously, I want one now...

@Magisch I cut it down very fast... got a very nervous giggle in response. I think they learned.

JAD

@Tinkeringbell have two!

Tinkeringbell

@JAD hahaha :P

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell It's a subset of the bigotry of low expectations

At that point they're telling you "I'd like you on this because you're a woman (... and not because of any particular skills)"

JAD

@Magisch yaay, equal participation

I'd say it is the right thing for the wrong reason, but I'm not even convinced it's the right thing

Cashbee

9:17 AM

@Magisch or they are saying "Hey you tied with 3 other applicants, but we will take you because in addition to being awesome at what you do, you are also a woman" ?

JAD

@Tinkeringbell did you hear of the recent schiphol schandal?

"schandal"

They were looking for a new CEO (or something comparable), and someone on the board said "well, it's going to have to be a man, otherwise the ratio wouldn't be 50/50"

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee Well, as for now, it seems like they are impressed with what I do, and they like the boobs. So, I'm going to assume good intentions ;)

@JAD I completely agree XD

working with only females is the worst that could happen.

JAD

@Tinkeringbell even things with the best intentions can be harmful though

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell wouldn't say that

depends on the people you're working with

Tinkeringbell

@JAD I know, I know... Let's just meet the guy in person tomorrow, and see how bad it actually is ;)

@Magisch That's also true. Still, I did it, and it was horrible :P

Cashbee

9:24 AM

@Tinkeringbell yeah if you work as a facility manager of men's toilets

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee :P

Just that there was a lot of gossiping, no real intellectual talk... like Magisch said though, probably more the people than the fact that they were female ;)

A J

10:33 AM

@Mithrandir Which delivery service they used this time to send WB swag?

Mithrandir

DHL

Tinkeringbell

Mine arrived last Friday... with PostNL

A J

Looks like India ones will be sent in the last. :P

Extroverted Main Man

11:36 AM

1

Q: How OK is it to please parents about college studies?

Am currently in college and doing a business course. Honestly, I hate business and love IT. I am performing poorly because I don't love my field. I cannot drop it since my parents will be mad for me not fulfilling their expectations with the hefty fee paid. Do I really say the Truth I hate it or ...

parents college

Extroverted Main Man

12:10 PM

0

Q: How can you make someone to respect your wishes?

I’m asking this because, some they like to make photos and videos and they make on me and I hate that. I tried to tell “enough!!” But they still they doesn’t listen. I wish someone respect my wish but it doesn’t happen this. I don’t like someone to do against my wish. Question: How and what to ...

conflicts difficult-people socializing

Cashbee

@ExtrovertedMainMan have fun correcting all the spelling and grammar mistakes :)

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee Duplicate, and off-topic.

Extroverted Main Man

12:26 PM

0

Q: How to politely deflect questions about awkward scars?

Content warning: Self-harm Due to some issues I had a few years ago with self harming (related to mental health issues which I no longer have - hurrah!), I'm left with a lot of awkward scars on my forearm. They're visible whenever I'm not wearing long sleeves. I don't mind my scars being visibl...

conversations mental-health

Extroverted Main Man

1:19 PM

0

Q: How do I give my fiancé the wedding of her dreams without compromising what I want?

Background My fiancé and I recently got engaged and we've started talking about weddings. She's from Michigan and I'm from Georgia. Our families still live in those respective areas, but we met and currently live in the DC area. The problem lies in actually figuring out where we want to have the...

relationships weddings

Introverted Meta Man.

2:20 PM

0

Q: What's our stance on two questions in the same question?

While not as recurring as I first imagine, every now and again there will be a question that is actually asking two different questions at the same time. I've picked some of the first examples I could find: How can you make someone to respect your wishes? How to handle my girlfriend's parents' a...

discussion scope asking-questions

Cashbee

2:56 PM

flag-plz can I have some help with flagging the last two comments on my answer ? HNQ here we goo

btw how can i get the link to the comment itself, not my answer?

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee I was already on it ;)

Hover over the timestamp of the comment, right click and copy link address:

Alternative response: "Do you wanna know how I got these scaaars...? :>)" — Andrew 4 mins ago

Cashbee

oki thx. also thanks for your comment I wnated to add something like that but I forgot.

Tinkeringbell

3:10 PM

@Cashbee Cool, I'll remove that one then :)

Cashbee

@Tinkeringbell I edited my Answer, but I'm not happy about that edit yet. would you have a look and let me know if I formulated that outro clear enough?

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee Looks good enough to me ;)

Cashbee

oki, thx

Tinkeringbell

You're making clear that you personally wouldn't feel extra discomfort after such a joke, yet that some people may ;)

Cashbee

maybe it's finally time to hit that sweet cap

Tinkeringbell

3:12 PM

If that's what you're trying to say, you're good :)

@Cashbee good luck!

Tinkeringbell

4:00 PM

→ 3 messages moved to trash

Extroverted Main Man

4:29 PM

0

Q: How do I answer the question "why are you vegan?" honestly, without making them resent me?

I am a vegan, only for ethical reasons. It is something I'm very willing to discuss. I have deliberated about it very carefully, for a long time, and have read papers and text books on the philosophy of ethics on my spare time in order to help me get my bearing on this issue. So, I'm very happy t...

conversations awkward-situations socializing

Mithrandir

5:51 PM

Always nice when these Holocaust survivors actually have a language in common so we can communicate.

Peter

@Mithrandir Holocaust survivors? I think I missed something somewhere

Mithrandir

Oh, I volunteer to visit senior citizens - which here are very often Holocaust survivors - on their birthdays, and sometimes we don't really have a language in common so we go with a translator.

I'm bilingual, but these old Ukrainian/Russian people don't very often speak English or Hebrew.

Sid

@Mithrandir I thought all people there speak Hebrew by default...

Peter

ooh I see :) That's a nice thing to do

Mithrandir

@Sid When you move to a new country at 50, it can be difficult to learn a new language.

Sid

5:59 PM

@Mithrandir Hmm, that is true.

D.Hutchinson

I speak Pig Latin :)

does anyone know the language? it's kinda ancient ...

user15026

....really? ancient?

spiral succulent

evernay eardhay ofay itay

user15026

@Mithrandir And while it's nice you have translators to help, it's even nicer when you don't need them - it makes things nicely more personal and such

Mithrandir

6:15 PM

Yup.

It's always interesting hearing the stories.

Sid

@Mithrandir That's why you meet senior citizens. The stories are always interesting.

I remember hearing stories about people's battles with the British here.

Em C

delete-pls interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/11751/3171

yay, I got the tag thing to work

thanks HDE :)

@D.Hutchinson pig latin or real..? I took actual Latin in high school but that was a while ago now :P

Rainbacon

6:31 PM

@EmC The link isn't actually taking me to the specific comment. Has it been deleted already?

Em C

@Rainbacon yep, it was mod-deleted soon after I posted

Rainbacon

I guess I'm just slow then :)

Em C

or the mods were extra fast :)

Catija

Hey @EmC That's not really spam, it's just junk.

Em C

6:46 PM

@Catija did I spam-flag? Sorry! r/a would have been appropriate though, right?

based on this: meta.stackexchange.com/questions/58032/… "abuse of the system" ?

Catija

@EmC That's what I'm seeing :) No big deal. Sure... I don't have a strong feeling there.

Em C

@Catija ok :)

NVZ

hey, my rep is 8585. Nice!

Rainbacon

Even more interesting, your user id is 88588

NVZ

@Rainbacon wow. mystical.

oh, and i notice my ips user id is 345. sounds nice.

Rainbacon

7:03 PM

I didn't realize that we had different user ids on different stacks. That's interesting...

NVZ

so many realizations

what a wonderful world!

Sid

@Rainbacon I think your chat id is also different from user ids on different stacks.

Mithrandir

@Sid correct

With the exception of chat.stackoverflow.com and chat.meta.stackexchange.com.

Peter

wow I didn't even know there was a meta chat

NVZ

@Mithrandir We have different chat IDs for each chat server as well.

Tinkeringbell

7:10 PM

What's even more fun: I had stackoverflow rep all of a sudden a few weeks ago XD meta.stackexchange.com/q/307173/369802

Because something was messed up with the user Id's

NVZ

strange

Tinkeringbell

It's fixed, according to the dupe :)

NVZ

8:17 PM

Darth Vader Teaches Branding - Mastermind (Nerdist Presents)

►

spiral succulent

Speaking of questions with intra-personal solutions interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/11726/…

At least from my perspective the answer is to deny people the satisfaction of bothering you

There's really no good surefire way to approach people who are harassing you and ask them not to because it bothers you

thats the point of harassing you

Tinkeringbell

Can people take a second look at this? It's lacking a lot of detail but still got reopened: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/11726/1599

spiral succulent

8:35 PM

@Tinkeringbell I think its got all the detail it can really get

my posts right above are about that question

I'm going to post a short answer, then I'd love to discuss whether my answer is actually IPS

Tinkeringbell

0

Q: Why was question 11726 about making people respect your wishes reopened?

How can you make someone to respect your wishes? I close-voted that this morning as a duplicate of How to make my mom respect my wish of not being photographed? Basically, the OP had a problem with people photographing them, it included a rant on a past occurence, some very opinion based flame-...

discussion specific-question

Catija

@spiralsucculent It doesn't even say clearly whether the people who are "bullying" him are considered friends or are completely antagonistic to him.

Tinkeringbell

@Catija Oh, nice one

Em C

@Tinkeringbell What details? it looks like all the questions in your comments have been answered

Catija

There's nothing in the question that actually says the point of the images is to mock or humiliate... Kate just pulled that out of thin air.

Tinkeringbell

8:40 PM

Oh yeah? What about cultural background? The kind of people they're dealing with that are taking these pictures?

Introverted Meta Man.

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Q: Why was question 11726 about making people respect your wishes reopened?

How can you make someone to respect your wishes? I close-voted that this morning as a duplicate of How to make my mom respect my wish of not being photographed? Basically, the OP had a problem with people photographing them, it included a rant on a past occurence, some very opinion based flame-...

discussion specific-question

Em C

@Tinkeringbell high schoolers in Bucharest, who don't listen when OP asks them to stop

spiral succulent

they did edit the question a bit

I read the question as pretty clear bullying, even without Kate's comments

Tinkeringbell

@EmC I'm not convinced this is just about high-schoolers. And if it really is bullying, it's a 'needs professional help'

Also, Kate pulled the 'others in my class' out of thin air

Catija

@spiralsucculent I don't... To me it reads "someone takes photos of me, I tell them not to, they do it anyway"... There's nothing in the question that implies that the photos/videos are actually humiliating, only that the OP doesn't like it.

Em C

8:42 PM

@Tinkeringbell the example in the original revision was about classmates

spiral succulent

the photos don't need to be humiliating, the act of taking them causes OP to express discomfort

Tinkeringbell

Yeah, the example was. That's why I asked the OP to clarify which people they were dealing with now, who they meant with 'some people'... Because the example was a rant on a past occurence, I read it more as 'here's why I don't like being in pictures'

Also, I agree with Catija that there's no evidence for bullying

Catija

There's a huge difference in asking someone to stop taking photos of you if they're a bully... and a completely different issue if they're your friends and they're teasing you. We have no clue which this is.

Tinkeringbell

Also :

> not only them but also the strangers.

That makes it waaaay too broad

spiral succulent

the use of "classmates" instead of "friends" indicates that these aren't OP's friends

Tinkeringbell

8:45 PM

I've only ever referred to 2 classmates as friends. Didn't mean the rest were bullies

spiral succulent

@Tinkeringbell agree there, this is tacked on and really expands the scope of the question

Em C

OP edited that part in after it got reopened.

Tinkeringbell

@EmC See... so it's not about classmates, they want an answer to a too broad question

Em C

@Tinkeringbell it is about classmates. OP also edited to specify "others in my class".

Roll back the strangers edit, then

Tinkeringbell

@EmC Really? Where? Strangers doesn't sound like classmates

What, and start an edit war?

if OP really is that stubborn, after the effort I already provided, why should I?

Em C

8:47 PM

@Tinkeringbell interpersonal.stackexchange.com/revisions/11726/7

"I’m trying to find solutions to make others in my class to ask my permission "

Tinkeringbell

'make others in my class ask my permission' > again, we don't make other people do stuff

I don't see how that's an Interpersonal Skill at all

Em C

ok well you better close vote the duplicate too

because that's "How to make my mom respect my wish"

Tinkeringbell

Actually, that one has a good question in the body, I was still pondering editing that one without invalidating any answers.

Em C

the question in the body is "What can I do best to make her stop?"

if that can be edited, so can this.

Tinkeringbell

You know what, have fun with it. I decided this weekend that I would not get too involved again, and I am doing that. So, I'll leave now.

spiral succulent

8:53 PM

...

I'm not sure how to handle @Tinkeringbell

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She has the best intentions, but gets emotionally involved when a dissenting opinion comes up

4

Em C

I feel like there are two factions on this site. one side is tending towards being pedantic and the other is tending towards "squishy", for lack of a better term. and the site is still figuring out where to go. hence conflicts.

spiral succulent

What I was about to say is that "How to make people do X" questions are never going to stop, furthermore I think that in many cases they are on topic

Since the goal of an interpersonal interaction is to achieve an outcome

they could be reworded as "How can I encourage people to do X"

but the fact is that people use simple language and to many askers "How to make people do X"=="How can I encourage people to do X"

Catija

That question is on the ninth revision and the title doesn't even say anything about photos... all it says is "How can you make someone to respect your wishes?"... There's nothing problem-specific there.

Em C

the thing I dislike about the rewording attempts is that it's just forcing people to follow a formula, which is how we ended up with interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/2578/…

spiral succulent

@Catija its not a great question, but nobody has guided OP to improve it

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