The Awkward Silence

7:15 AM

morning

JAD

o/

Nobody

7:52 AM

I saw this question about how to explain why you are vegan if you are vegan for moral reasons. And I think it easily generalizes to lots of other situations where you need to talk about something you do because you think you have an ethical obligation to do so, but the other person doesn't do it and you don't want to be a judgemental asshole about it. You know and accept not everyone has the same morals even if you think yours are the right ones.
Is this frowned upon, just generalizing a question and asking it again?

JAD

@Nobody hmm, alternative is to discuss on meta whether that specific question can/should be edited to turn into a canonical question. I guess that also depends a bit on how general the answers it's getting.

although from what I can see here for example the decision to turn a question into a canonical one, is mostly based on whether it already has a widely applicable answer.

Nobody

8:10 AM

@JAD Hmm, most of the answer are rather specific, although the intent behind some of them is applicable to the more general question. I don't think it should be edited to make it more general. I think I'll just ask the general one and see if people dislike it.

Q: Why do I always have to put extra effort to building any kind of relationship?

8:21 AM

0

I know people, but I haven't had a single friend since high school. Now in my mid twenties, so basically 10+ years without a friend. I wonder if this is a common phenomenon for people of this generation with Internet and social networks. I don't know how to make friend even, any advice will be ap...

making-friends

IPS Comment Bot

8:52 AM

"Once I was cutting vegetables and I saw a huge spider on my forearm and I was like "Holy shit, kill it!". I might have overreacted a bit...". Or you could go with the classic "Do you want to know how I got these scars?" — Hawker65 2 mins ago

#11728 Hawker65 (171 rep) | A: How to politely deflect questions about awkward scars? (score: 33) | posted 19 hours ago by Cashbee (2135 rep) | edited 17 hours ago by Cashbee (2135 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["offensive"]

JAD

flag-pls nln interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/11727/…

Q: My morals make me "better" than the next person. How not to be a judgmental asshole?

0

So I have a lot of moral obligations: not flying because that contributes to climate change which could kill us all wearing a headscarf because going without is almost as immodest as going around stark naked being Christian because otherwise I would go to hell not using or buying animal product...

conversations politeness socializing cross-culture

flag-pls nln interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/11727/… and the comments after that..

NVZ

11:11 AM

Hello

0

Q: How to avoid angry stares

I am a moderately good looking woman. With basic makeup and hair styling, I can make myself look beautiful. And this is how I usually go out. So, I do get a lot of stares, sometimes admiring and sometimes nasty, from other male colleagues and I am pretty much okay with it, mainly because I cannot...

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11:51 AM

What's the close reason for "How do I word this?" questions?

Q: How do I tell a friend I don't want to play their game anymore, but invite them to mine

0

I am in a group of friends who meet to play dungeons and dragons. The person who's house we go to often cancels because their partner can't make it. So as we are all adults we don't meet up very often at all. Last night was the final straw, they cancelled late so I didn't get the email before r...

conversations friends politeness united-kingdom

Q: Ask for a wish from a woman

12:09 PM

0

For context I am a twenty for year old man. Recently I made the acquaintance of a woman whom is twelve years older than myself. I was instantly struck by her exotic beauty, and made efforts to form a bond with her, a few days ago she made a bet with me that I went on to win. Because I won she sai...

conversations boundaries

flag-pls nln need help flagging unnecessary comments for the top answer of a HNQ

With any joke you make, it all depends on your tone of voice if it is seen as hostile or awkward. — OldBunny2800 13 hours ago

IMO all except the first one are to be flagged as nln

12:24 PM

LOL. My answer got no attention.

conversations boundaries socializing

-1

Q: Can't stop bragging

Not to brag or any thing but i can't stop to brag about any of the things I have achieved, I would brag about my test scores (they are always good since I get 1st or 2nd in my class) I LOVE to brag about my english because there is no good english speakers in my town (I am even better than my en...

-1

Q: Pro's and Con's of a no-strings-attached relationship?

Can people who have been in friends with benefits type of relationships share the advantages and disadvantages of such set ups? Description: both persons are free to date other people and not interested - a priori - in an emotional relationship (attachment, texts, calls, discussions,gifts). Can ...

relationships mental-health sex

@ExtrovertedMainMan meh

@ExtrovertedMainMan meh returns

@AJ yeah I remember that we answered at the exact same time. About your answer, I truly agree with avazula: "answering with such sincerity could lead to an awkward silence, or even people pitying you".

@Cashbee I failed to see that.

How can I fix that?

12:42 PM

@AJ I think the humour of a witty deflection would remove the awkwardness and the potential pity from the situation. But that answer has been suggested many times already and I think your answer provides a good alternative if OP is not going for the funny response anymore. It still is a good answer. But maybe if you write 1-2 sentences about avazulas comment, admitting that this could lead to those things, it will improve it a bit.

done.

looks better?

yup

@AJ actually, I think "It's a long story, and now might not be a good time to tell." is the start of the perfect response. If you add something to change the topic it will not end up in an awkward silence. the addition does not even have to be funny

Oh, I can't think of any.

"It's a long story, and now might not be a good time to tell. Talking of long stories, have you guys read the book [insert book name]?"

done thanks

12:56 PM

I would include the "talking of long stories" part, since it is a genius topic changer in this situation. Also, you could now explain how this addition is good against the awkwardness mentioned by avazula.

good?

include "Talking of long stories" and you got my upvote ;)

damn i already voted for you xD

lol'

thanks

Q: how is "how do i say" different from "how the phrase"

my pleasure :)

Introverted Meta Man.

0

This is with reference to my post How do I tell a friend I don't want to play their game anymore, but invite them to mine which is about to be closed as "not a good fit" How is what i am asking any different to "how do I say"? just because I know it has to be done via email?

discussion

1:11 PM

flag-pls there is already a discussion running again in the comments of my answer, and I have no flags left.. interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/11728/8077

@Cashbee I hope my comment helps.

i hope so too. thx

I dropped a chatty flag on one of the comments as well

Given how often comments break down into discussion it might be a good idea to work on improving that comment so that it can be dropped into other comment threads similar to the don't answer a question in the comments comment.

1:29 PM

Mar 6 at 13:04, by Mithrandir

Comments are not for extended discussions, or for chatting. Comments are for clarifying and improving the post; please don’t use them for other purposes. Please take other discussions to [chat].

So I just got this comment:

> IPS is an SJW cesspool, used to promote SJW ideology and shutdown any opposing views. I never saw you personally do anything problematic but based on your participation I assume you think IPS is a good site. If you become an SO moderator will you try to ruin it and make it more like IPS or fight to keep it politically neutral(try to keep politics out of SO as much as possible but when they do come up let both sides have their say)?

Anyone know what specifically on here this is referring to?

Wat.

Just ignore it. It makes no sense.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I see you've already responded. Just don't engage further if they respond.

I'd seriously have advised not responding in the first place.

I mean politics doesn't come up on SO, so no harm in responding to that

Q: What text to read at the funeral of an a**hole?

1:36 PM

0

I was asked to prepare a text to read out loud at the funeral of an alcoholic. He treated one part of his family violently and disgracefully, and the other part not - they even chose to side with him. So the congregation will be split into people who feel very differently. I am certain that not a...

public-speaking

And people have... erm... taken stands to make sure that it stays politics free.

Sid

@ExtrovertedMainMan NSFW?

Be Nice violation.

Not sure it even matters

@Magisch We tend to treat women, minorities, LGBTQ folks, and so on, like people. Some people think that makes us Social Justice Warriors, and feel that the angry white male voice is being actively suppressed. In some cases it kind of is, but usually where things have crossed the line into being rude and/or a political soapbox.

being nice isn't being policital

I don't care who people hate the be nice policy still applies so there is no politics involved in that

1:38 PM

@Magisch Some folks don't seem to get that.

@apaul And then it's not usually worth the time and effort to argue with them about it.

See I can see why some people are afraid

@Magisch People want to read politics into everything. About half the people I know think I lean left politically and the other half think I lean right. I never tell people how I lean, they just assume it based on unrelated things

Sometimes sentiments to that end go overboard hard. But I don't see politics happening on SO at all, and I don't know how it would relate to moderating

@Rainbacon I find that sharp divide unhelpful anyways

Disagree with a "Left" policy and people call you a right winger. Vice versa.

@Magisch It certainly is obnoxious

1:41 PM

@Magisch There were the Love Overflows and Joel's meta post about Trump's "Muslim ban" and the periodic gender equality fights.

Not really the place of any moderator to do any of that, but if the CEO wants to, oh well

Sid

@Rainbacon then you are a Centrist. :P

I'm not sure it brought much good and accomplished much

It happens a lot less, but it still comes up.

@Magisch Unfortunately being nice is a political act in the US right now.

1:43 PM

@Sid I'm someone who chooses not to disclose his political leanings ;)

@sphennings On stack exchange, it's a rule

we're not a small version of the US political system here

this is a Q/A website

@Magisch Yes and therefor obviously Stack Exchange is a leftist cesspool. :p

@sphennings i've heard it called both

HDE 226868

Yeah, but it's a nice cesspool.

4

In all seriousness, I did mention this to an SO mod, @Magisch, and they're watching.

@HDE226868 thx for removing the chatty comments on my answer <3

Catija

1:45 PM

God, lots of crappy questions last night...

Funny how that sentence can be interpreted to mean that @Magisch is the SO mod you talked to. </ransom musing>

@HDE226868 I'm not going to respond to the accusations against IPS because first of all I'm not the entire site and second of all this is a SO nomination and not a state of the IPS address

@Mithrandir so what would "they" refer to then?

@Cashbee Mag

they = the big brothers :)

1:47 PM

I don't have a high chance tbh

HDE 226868

@Magisch I figured. Just wanted to let you know.

Voting on SO is exceptionally rep based and I only have 6k

@Magisch being a mod will probably involve some difficult interpersonal interactions. I personally think the fact that you have an active interest in interpersonal skills makes you a better candidate for being a mod

Sid

@Mithrandir *random, you mean.

I don't get a SJW vibe from IPS tbh

this entire comment is strange

1:49 PM

Nor do I

Catija

That's because the only people would accuse someone of that have pretty not nice world views.

@Magisch Were you around when there was an incident with the term "SJW" being thrown around? That was... fun.