@D.Hutchinson "Cisgender is a term for people whose gender identity matches the sex that they were assigned at birth." Cis-male is short for cisgender male.
@D.Hutchinson Any reason you felt the need to ask?
@apaul my reason for asking was that, since you seem to give great advice on the main site, if you were female, I figured I could run some things by ya sometime, when I need advice dealing with females ...
good advice is hard to come by
and I know I could use some help with interpersonal skills
I did see you mention you had a partner and some stuff about her -- so that was another reason for asking
@D.Hutchinson There's probably always been a spectrum of different genders and sexualities. Some cultures have been more accepting than others, historically.
@D.Hutchinson Wikipedia has a brief transgender history article, if you're really interested in how far back that part of the spectrum has been known about.
yeap ... didn't mean to at all ... as for what to do ... eh ... I don't want to overthink it, since I won't be seeing her around much, I think. So I rather just forget about it ...
Probably best to just talk to her, and be honest about it. She may be disappointed at first, but she may be open to having a friendship after the dust settles.
It's not the easiest way to handle things sometimes, but it's usually the right way. It also clears the air, so there's less room for misunderstanding.
I don't want to email her friendly stuff ... only for her to hold onto my words and romanticize ... I want her to just chill out ... and be friends with me ...
I see @apaul
my brother used to live down there, so I've visited before ...
I have a friend (John), whose partner (Jane) I am also friends with. The three of us have hung out together for many years.
I'm unsure when it is considered acceptable to spend time alone with Jane, and if I should take any steps to ensure that John (her partner) doesn't feel betrayed, regardles...
@JesseBarnett I'm going to flag a mod on that. I think I've seen more such comments, and even though yes they are funny, it's a joke at the OP's expense and that isn't really a good idea I think on a IPS site where people come with pretty personal problems
@Tinkeringbell I was imagining the commenter got upset at some past breakup and lashed out with some very vague truth behind the hilariously backfiring insult. Yeah, probably best to flag and have a simple "we can't really tell you what to do, tell us what you want and we will give advice on how"
Background:
About 8 years ago, we started having some serious trouble with a couple of neighbors (which slowly escalated to call-the-cops and get-a-lawyer kind of trouble).
I was in university at the time, and my parents did a very good job of keeping me out of it. I have a general knowledge of...
Okay, I'm going to tell you. But there's no proof the neighbor actually did it, so I didn't put it in the question:
There were cars scratched. We had paint thrown on our door and windows, thrice. We had some soapy substance thrown in our garden, that killed our plants. There was a molotov cocktail near our fence when we came back from church on Sunday.
I don't know how to put that in there, except for the call-the-cops part...
> There was some property damage at the time too, but there is absolutely no proof this was related to the neighbor (there's still a suspicion though).
@Tinkeringbell I think it is a hard question to answer. It is hard to tell what exactly triggers your mother to react so angrily even to the suggestion, and as long as this reaction keeps coming, you're going to have a hard time getting a rational answer.
The property damage sounds quite intimidating and threatening. I can imagine that that aspect is even more important than the case itself
I think appealing to christian values might help, but it court work 'averechts', coming across like a bit of a smart-ass even.
On the other hand, I think it is important to emphasise the difference between forgiving (accepting apologies) and forgetting.
To quote my favourite book series:
> They turned their backs on their rightful king for no better reason than dreams of power and glory, and I have marked them for what they are. Pardoned them, yes. Forgiven. But not forgotten.
@JarkoDubbeldam That's one of the reasons why I didn't confront her with that yet, she doesn't really like me doing that because I'm not going to church anymore
@JarkoDubbeldam They're also 4 years old.... If they don't start scabbing over soon she needs to go to a doctor and get stitches... this doesn't sound healthy!
Then maybe the apology is the desinfectant in this case... either way, I can't see how mom can start to heal this without accepting the apology and forgiving
expanding on my answer in a non-professional sense, I think your mom is thinking your blaming her for not forgiving which could have valid reasons that you don't know about
It's important to get the full picture before judging
maybe it is time to go full Dr. Phil and ask her how she feels. And don't accept "angry" for an answer. What makes her angry exactly? Your neighbor's face? The things she did? What happened to those dogs?
Before you know that, it is hard to adress those things. For you, and for your neighbor
@Magisch Hmm... from what I know about apologizing, the neighbor has pretty much exhausted her resources: Last step is generally a written thing to which people don't have to react....
Okaaaay.... Some guys made a backpack with a sail. You can wear it when you go cycling to go up to 20 percent faster! eneco.nl/windrugzak/de-ontwerpers
Background:
About 8 years ago, we started having some serious trouble with a couple of neighbors (which slowly escalated to call-the-cops and get-a-lawyer kind of trouble).
I was in university at the time, and my parents did a very good job of keeping me out of it. I have a general knowledge of...
