The Awkward Silence

Mithrandir

1:10 PM

This question is also an interesting study on people's pronoun assumptions

Jarko Dubbeldam

@Mithrandir hmm?

Mithrandir

@JarkoDubbeldam I didn't state anything about it in the question, and my IPS account is named after a female character. Yet I'm getting 'he's (which is not incorrect). So I'm finding it interesting.

Magisch

@Mithrandir my pronoun assumptions are based on that I know you're not a woman

and brother implies male

The Snark Knight

Ah, more pronoun debates? FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

Honestly, if that were the worst thing I ever had to worry about, I'd live a life of blissful joy.

Jarko Dubbeldam

lol

I just refer to most people as they

The Snark Knight

1:24 PM

most of the time, you are referring to someone either by name or by "you".

Magisch

@TheSnarkKnight I was really miffed by your answer on the annoying people question

Jarko Dubbeldam

@TheSnarkKnight How do they know I do?

Magisch

I didn't vote on the Q or any answers to it because I have no way of being objective there but damn

The Snark Knight

@Magisch which one?

Magisch

@TheSnarkKnight interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/7886/… this one

The Snark Knight

1:29 PM

@Magisch why? It avoids conflict without drawing attention to the friends. I've done this myself. (and had it done to me, btw) Believe it or not, when I was young, I was obnoxious.

Magisch

@TheSnarkKnight I am obnoxious, and when people side step the issue, that is a #1 way ticket to my permanent no contact eternal shitlist

with no chance of redemption. I can deal with being told I'm annoying. The backhanded stuff I find extremely vicious and demeaning and insulting. It's like the ultimate form of disrespect

Tinkeringbell

Hmmm... That's a difficult one. I had something like it once too. I told my friends I didn't like this, and I ended up being the one on the sideline :/

The Snark Knight

@Magisch unfortunately, you're going to have quite a few people on the list. You'll learn not to be obnoxious once you're shunned by enough people. If people don't care for you, they are not going to invest any time in confronting you.

Magisch

@TheSnarkKnight 2 people so far and both of them I haven't spoken to since

Even when I dislike people a lot I at least summon the common courtesy to tell them and why

The Snark Knight

@Tinkeringbell exactly. There is no need to confront friends about a third party, unless you want to be on the outside looking in.

Magisch

1:33 PM

this is as bad as ghosting someone

The Snark Knight

@Magisch naw, ghosting someone is dropping someone who likes you and disappearing. This is just a person determining who they associate with.

If someone is not your friend, you owe them nothing.

Magisch

These are people who are part of a friend group and OP is looking for subtle ways to ostracize them from their own friend group

The Snark Knight

Personally, I will not invest energy in people I don't know, or care to.

Magisch

If anything that's even worse

The Snark Knight

@Magisch No, the OP is just, rightly, choosing not to associate with friends of friends.

Magisch

1:35 PM

They're not strangers and even the premise of the question makes me want to vomit

OP is asking specifically how to break up a friend group

The Snark Knight

@Magisch they are uninvited, and showing up.

Tinkeringbell

What happened in my case: I had 5 good friends in university. I invited the 5 of them to start a cooking club.

There were a number 6 and 7 that were hanging on the fringes of the group, and that I didn't like interacting with. So, I started the idea, invited 1-5. Nr. 4 decided to invite 6 and 7.

When I told her that I would have none of that, that it was *my* cooking club and that I invited exactly as many people as I wanted to, the group fell apart. The first meeting of cooking club was never held.

Magisch

@TheSnarkKnight If you read the question, OP complains that his friends (that he invites) end up inviting them

The Snark Knight

@Magisch the OP did not invite the friends, which is the point.

Magisch

> How do I isolate a group of my friends from a group of theirs

How can you read that title and your first reaction isn't that OP needs to pound sand

Tinkeringbell

1:39 PM

I read it with what happened to me in mind and thought it was actually a very good question...

At some point there will come a point where one of your friends gets/has other friends that they want you to meet. If I already know these people and am not interested, I want to keep my original friend without the hassle of having to navigate their other friends as well..

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell Thats fine. Thats when you tell them that, directly

Tinkeringbell

Basically, I want to break those two circles up, instead of having them make a venn diagram

@Magisch And that's exactly what landed me on the sideline and lost me a group of friends...

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell Your friends made an informed decision based on what you told them and chose the others over you

Not nice, but that can happen

Manipulating your way into sidelining people they would have otherwise chosen over you is pretty disgusting imo

Tinkeringbell

I'm not seeing that in that question though....

I'm just seeing friends of friends arriving uninvited. Bit like my cooking club.

Magisch

Right

And telling them you don't want to invite those as they are annoying might have the consequence of the others saying well we'll host a DND party without you then

Tinkeringbell

1:43 PM

@Magisch That's what happened to cooking club.

Magisch

What OP is asking for is some way to avoid that while accomplishing their goal, and I think that's immoral. Let your friends decide if you need them to

You're forcing the decision, so don't be surprised they decide otherwise then you would've wanted

As I said, I'm extremely biased on this. I consider backhandedness one of the biggest possible character flaws one can have

If you play fair, sometimes you don't win. But cheating isn't the answer to that

Tinkeringbell

So, to draw a parellel to cooking club, it would have been fine if I said 'I don't personally like 6 and 7 so they're not welcome'.

But if I said 'I invited you 5 and I don't want 6 and 7 to come' that would have been backhandedness?

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell No you were pretty direct

but if you tried to shift the schedule so that 6 and 7 couldn't attend that'd be another matter

Jarko Dubbeldam

That's as direct as it gets

Tinkeringbell

Why? If I made my point, and 4 keeps insisting on bringing 6 and 7, I'm not feeling too scrupulous about picking a date where 6 and 7 can't attend.

If that does mean 4 won't be coming, that would be even better.

If it means no-one comes, I'll be thinking that I don't want friends that don't respect my wishes and I can get better than such.

Magisch

1:51 PM

@Tinkeringbell If your friends won't respect "I don't like 6 or 7, only you are invited" then they've made their choice and chose them over you

No need for passive agressive back handed BS

Tinkeringbell

Well, let's just say we differ on that. I DID reschedule things because people 'accidentally' invited other people. If rescheduling solves MY problem, why not?

After all, it's my life and MY thing I'm hosting. Means I get to pick when, where and who

Magisch

Maybe I'm idealistic, but you owe people to be open about your intentions if they're your friends

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch Yeah, but we're talking friends of friends here, not friends

Sure, I tell my friends that I rescheduled thing and make sure to update the new invitation with 'FYI, appendixes aren't welcome'

Magisch

No, your robbing your friends of the choice they have to make

You're making it seem like they don't have to make that choice, over the inconvenience that they might not choose you

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch NO, I'm giving them an ultimatum. You can either come to my party and be my friend, or go do something fun with annoying X. But you're not bringing X to my party

Basically, I'm forcing them to make the choice.

Jarko Dubbeldam

1:56 PM

But instead of telling them that, you're rescheduling

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell Then tell them

Exactly that

Jarko Dubbeldam

SNOOOOOOW :D

it started snowing again

Magisch

Not move the schedules around in hopes that the issue won't come up

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch I do, what makes you think I don't? PM the culprit and reschedule the whole thing to make sure X doesn't show up

Jarko Dubbeldam

@Tinkeringbell why reschedule though. Just tell them they're not welcome and keep the date the same

Tinkeringbell

1:57 PM

@JarkoDubbeldam Very small flakes here. Not nearly as much fun as yesterday

Magisch

If you're open about your intentions, rescheduling is unnecessary

the rescheduling is a tool to avoid the issue, so if you don't want to do that, it's pointless

Tinkeringbell

@JarkoDubbeldam Yeah, I have bad experiences with that. I told people they were NOT allowed to bring X.... only to have X standing in front of the door anyways

Jarko Dubbeldam

Then don't open the door

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell don't let them in

also what kind of friend blatantly ignores your wishes like that

sounds more like someone who likes to use you as an emotional punching bag now and then but doesn't care even a little deep down

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch Exactly... But anyways. That's how I'm handling things nowadays...

The Snark Knight

2:14 PM

Tact is key. If you want A,B,C,D,and E, you make it clear that A,B,C,D, and E are invited. A good way to enforce that is to serve food and only have enough plates for the people you invited. People will get the message soon enough

Jarko Dubbeldam

that's another way to handle it

although that too is pretty backhanded

Magisch

@TheSnarkKnight You out of all people should know how messed up that is

The Snark Knight

@Magisch you're right, it is messed up for people to bring guests I didn't invite to my home, and THEY can deal with the discomfort.

@JarkoDubbeldam actually, it's not backhanded, it's fairly straightforward.

just so long as you let them know beforehand.

I will provide comfort to those I invite, not others.

Magisch

So you want to tell people they're not welcome without having to face the fire of telling them?

Since when is it too much consideration to tell someone when they're not wanted instead of inventing elaborate reasons for why no you'd really like them to be there but they can't be because $contrivedReason

The Snark Knight

@Magisch LOL, I have no problems with confrontation.

Tinkeringbell

2:23 PM

@Magisch Basically, you want to tell the friend that IS welcome, not to bring uninvited guests

Magisch

Well yeah

The Snark Knight

@Tinkeringbell yes, and it puts the discomfort on that friend.

Tinkeringbell

And if they do, you want to make sure they realise that was a BIG mistake

The Snark Knight

THIS ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Magisch

There is nothing hard or unfair about saying it, exactly, and like that, with no back intentions and no dancing around the issue

Tinkeringbell

2:24 PM

I agree, partially.

I agree that I can tell my friend that.

I will not go explaining myself to someone that is not my friend and that shows up uninvited.

Magisch

tbh if my friends brought someone else after I've told them not to explicitly they'd need a very good reason to just not be uninvited right there together with their side kick

The Snark Knight

@Magisch no dancing at all. I invited five people, I cook for myself and five people, I plate food for five people. IF you bring along someone who I did not invite, you get to explain it to them.

Mister Positive

@TheSnarkKnight Agree

@Tinkeringbell Get out of my head. ;-}

Magisch

Then again I'm a pushover so when people bring extras I usually don't mind that much

Jesse Barnett

9/10 i would not dream of discouraging my friends to invite whoever they want.. just cant relate to the discussion at all

Tinkeringbell

2:26 PM

@Magisch I do, if they bring them without asking first if it's okay to invite extra's.

Trust me, I've had plenty of parties where a new boyfriend/girlfriend showed up because they were now at that part of the relationship where it's time to merge friend circles.

Magisch

There isn't anyone that I hate or dislike enough that I can't stand their presence at all so w/e

Jesse Barnett

@Tinkeringbell and thats a good thing, right?

Tinkeringbell

@JesseBarnett Not always.

Magisch

Not even the step mom who tormented me every day for 11 years.

Tinkeringbell

I've had one or 2 that I kicked out of the house.

Jesse Barnett

2:28 PM

wow

The Snark Knight

@Tinkeringbell My SO's friend didn't get along with me. Now, hard as it is to believe that such a magnificent person of such sterling character as I would turn someone off, it did happen.

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch I have a little less tolerance for such stuff..

Jesse Barnett

dont mess with @Tinkeringbell

Tinkeringbell

@JesseBarnett Mainly don't go puking on the furniture

Or destroying the playground

Or bothering the rabbit

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell my family too

Tinkeringbell

2:29 PM

Or all of them...

The Snark Knight

@Tinkeringbell my cat has veto power ;)

Jesse Barnett

ooh, but that is about etiquette, not the fact that they were a +1

Magisch

although if someone touched my cat there'd be blood on the walls

Tinkeringbell

@JesseBarnett Sure, I won't kick you out if you're just annoying. That just won't land you another invitation...

The Snark Knight

@Tinkeringbell ^5!

Magisch

2:30 PM

I try to empathize with everyone so I don't have it in me to freeze someone out entirely

no matter how miserable they make me

The Snark Knight

@Magisch would just shout at the people (which is German for whispering) ;) or at least it was in MY family.

Tinkeringbell

I'm a bit more egoistic ;) My party, my time to have fun.

I do still attend parties where Alice shows up. Doesn't mean I go inviting her over...

The Snark Knight

@Magisch that's not a healthy position to take. People will walk all over you if you are that accommodating.

Magisch

I don't think there are objectively awful people

I think there are people who are ... harder to like and get along with

Jesse Barnett

@TheSnarkKnight perhaps they will realise how lovely he is and be nicer to Magisch

Mister Positive

2:33 PM

@JesseBarnett LOL

Magisch

I'm plenty annoying myself so I try to not throw stones while sitting in the glass house, so to speak

The Snark Knight

@JesseBarnett I appreciate your optimism... and snark ;)

@Magisch I won't walk through the door you opened on that one. Still, don't be overly accommodating.

You are either dangerous or naive

those are your only two choices in life

Jarko Dubbeldam

@TheSnarkKnight When you play the game of thrones, you win or die.

Mister Positive

Winter is coming.

Tinkeringbell

@MisterPositive Winter is already here ;)

Jarko Dubbeldam

2:36 PM

Jon's words: Let it snow.

Magisch

winter would be pretty nice now

The Snark Knight

Who is John Snow?

TheTinyMan

Good morning! The snow teased me last week, it's been dry here since then :'(

Jarko Dubbeldam

@TheSnarkKnight Triggered!

Jesse Barnett

"Nothing burns like the cold"

The Snark Knight

2:37 PM

Build a man a fire, he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life

Tinkeringbell

There's no stopping us though....:

Mister Positive

@TheSnarkKnight WOW

Magisch

@JesseBarnett mhm, and santa claus exists

Jesse Barnett

@Magisch it was another GoT quote, thought it was quite a good one paired with Jarko's

The Snark Knight

@MisterPositive yeah, my therapist said that I should send letters to all the people I hate, and then burn them. I did this, but now I have all of these letters.

Mithrandir

2:42 PM

Hmm, I'm not a fan of this edit interpersonal.stackexchange.com/posts/7921/revisions

Magisch

idk

Mithrandir

I think it takes out a bit too much important background info

Magisch

hating someone is a lot of emotional work I'm not prepared to put in

The Snark Knight

@Magisch well, when someone molests children in your extended family, it's kind of easy.

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir I don't really like it either, although they might have a point about the enitre mod agreement... Can't you just refer to that?

(What makes me even less of a fan is that edit message)

Magisch

2:44 PM

@TheSnarkKnight makes me glad I don't know people like that

Jesse Barnett

yeah, maybe accept the mod with an added link to what you were reffering

Mithrandir

Yeah, I'd just include section b.

Magisch

I'd probably be more disgusted at them then actively hate them, though

The Snark Knight

@Magisch you probably do, you just don't know it.

Jarko Dubbeldam

Or you could make a link to a pastebin or something

The Snark Knight

2:45 PM

@Magisch what is wrong with hating evil? It's quite healthy, actually.\

Mithrandir

@JarkoDubbeldam pastebin? Everyone can see it directly on the site :)

Jarko Dubbeldam

oh, didn't know that

in The Quill and Tankard, 6 mins ago, by Skooba

@Möoz IPS is strictly off-topic here! :P

Jesse Barnett

so long as you are a good judge of character @TheSnarkKnight xD

Jarko Dubbeldam

in The Quill and Tankard, 4 mins ago, by Skooba

Only because all answers would boil down to : "Stick 'em with the pointy end"!

lol

Magisch

@TheSnarkKnight idk, how do you define hate?

Jarko Dubbeldam

2:46 PM

@Mithrandir I figured the text wasn't publicly available

Tinkeringbell

@JarkoDubbeldam Are they bashing IPS? :P Do I need to step in? :P

Jarko Dubbeldam

@Tinkeringbell knock yourself out lol

Tinkeringbell

@JarkoDubbeldam Working at home is definitely bad for me.... No colleagues looking at my screens means almost no work getting done :/

Magisch

I'd want nothing to do with them and be disgusted with them I'm not even much in opposition to death penalty for such crimes but more in a way you'd get a rabid dog put down then actively hate

Jarko Dubbeldam

I've actaully been pretty productive

But each time it is turning on a program for 20 minutes and change the inputs

Magisch

2:47 PM

I hate certain things as in intensely and irrationally dislike

The Snark Knight

@Magisch How do you define any emotion? Hate is just a useful feeling that lets us know that someone desperately deserves all the misfortune that befalls them.

@Magisch how is hate irrational?

any more than any other emotion, that is

Magisch

Anyone you hate, why?

What do you gain from hating someone?

You can be disgusted, irritated, annoyed, all these things

Jarko Dubbeldam

lol @Tinkeringbell twitter.com/juanbuis/status/…

The Snark Knight

@Magisch great satisfaction at their suffering.

Mithrandir

@JarkoDubbeldam oh, it is

Magisch

2:49 PM

I'd argue there is no rational cause to hate anyone because all appropriate reactions can be better served with other emotions

@TheSnarkKnight I don't get that

The Snark Knight

@Magisch nah, those other emotions are far too weak.

Jarko Dubbeldam

@Mithrandir hmm, then a link should suffice

Magisch

The part of me that is indifferent or mildly amused by other people's suffering is the part of me I dislike the most about myself

The Snark Knight

@Magisch you will not tolerate the things you hate. You should not tolerate the intolerable.

Mithrandir

@JarkoDubbeldam there's a link in the question

Magisch

2:50 PM

@TheSnarkKnight Thats something entirely different

Tinkeringbell

@JarkoDubbeldam OMG :P Well, I know lots of 'ballen' that would have just stayed warmly inside :P

Jarko Dubbeldam

@Mithrandir <- blind

Mithrandir

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/legal/moderator-agreement

The Snark Knight

@Magisch no, it's the same thing. Hatred is a good thing. It lets us know that there are some lines that should not be crossed, some things that are unforgivable.

@Magisch for example. I hate, and will always hate Nazis.

Jolenealaska

yes

The Snark Knight

2:51 PM

that is a VERY rational hatred

Magisch

@TheSnarkKnight I don't tolerate nazis (their retrograde beliefs hurt others and are unacceptable) and I don't tolerate racism or violence

doesn't mean I hate them though

The Snark Knight

@Magisch Oh, I hate them. It is what motivates me to sabotage them at every turn.

It fuels me, and gives me great satisfaction.

Magisch

I'm pretty sure that isn't what motivates you to sabotage them

Your morality is doing that

The Snark Knight

@Magisch and the morality is what spurs on the hatred

Magisch

and the satisfaction comes from having done a good thing (tm)

The Snark Knight

2:54 PM

it is quite moral to hate evil

@Magisch what I do to them is not good

Magisch

there is no reason to hate you can disavow and oppose immoral things without hating them

maybe we have differing definitions of hate

for instance hurting people never feels good to me regardless of who it is

Mithrandir

Do you hate the individual, or do you hate the actions?

Magisch

and the select times when it does that is a failure of my own character, I reckon

The Snark Knight

@Magisch oh, it feels good to hurt people. Otherwise Schadenfreude wouldn't be a word

@Mithrandir both.

Magisch

schadenfreude isn't a positive emotion

Jolenealaska

2:56 PM

It took me 30 years to turn hate into acceptance. I can say I don't hate anyone just now. I am facing a lesson I never have learned, though. Maybe this time I'll finally learn to never trust again.

The Snark Knight

@Magisch oh, Schadenfreude feels quite good

Magisch

regardless of how intolerable and repugnant someone's actions are, their misfortune that results isn't a happy thing, it's unfortunate that they had to bring this misfortune upon themselves

The Snark Knight

@Jolenealaska I can trust. I just hate people worthy of it.

@Magisch one's misdeeds are not misfortune

Magisch

They are. Misfortune they brought upon themselves

Sometimes people get fortune from misdeeds, too

which is also unfortunate, albeit in a different way

The Snark Knight

@Magisch fortune is chance. Molesting children is not misfortune, killing people by the millions is not misfortune. These are heinous acts. What ever malady that falls upon these people is justice, not misfortune.

apaul

3:01 PM

@Magisch @TheSnarkKnight ttbook.org/show/forgiving-unforgivable

About 18 minutes into that piece there's an interview with a psychologist that specializes in forgiveness in situations that many people would consider unforgivable. He did work with children in Liberia, for instance.

You two should definitely give that a listen piece a listen...

The Snark Knight

@apaul or at least we should drop this. good point.

Tinkeringbell

I propose that @Magisch and @TheSnarkKnight get their own room if they want to discuss this further, so we can keep this room a fun place for everybody :)

Let's talk about the weather :P

The Snark Knight

I'm done, no need @Tinkeringbell

TheTinyMan

You know I've thought a few times that it'd be nice to have an "unfiltered" chat for IPS

Magisch

good idea

The Snark Knight

3:14 PM

@apaul I can't access that now, I'll look into it later

TheTinyMan

Although "The Awkward Silence" would be a great name for it xD

Magisch

→ 9 messages moved to trash

apaul

Talks about how forgiveness even in the most horrifying situations helps the victims move forward with their lives. @TheSnarkKnight @Magisch

Tinkeringbell

I'm trying to upload a photo I took of the outside, to show you just how much snow there is... but it won't upload :/

Magisch

→ 15 messages moved to trash

Tinkeringbell

3:15 PM

@TheTinyMan You'll have to wait just a tiny bit more before I can send that snow your way :P

Magisch

I moved some of the messages that went too off topic

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell I guess I can be patient! @Catija, in an uncharacteristic demonstration of fun-sharing, sent me some last week and it was glorious! :-D

Tinkeringbell

How big can photo's be, when uploading them? Is there a limit? (not stated in the upload dialogue?)

apaul

It finally cooled off down here. Dropped into the 40's last night.

Tinkeringbell

@apaul The whole country came to a standstill here :P

Magisch

3:18 PM

mushy snow and snow-rain

\o/

perfect for a sloppy snowball fight

Mithrandir

@Tinkeringbell 2MB

apaul

It's still nice and sunny here ;)

Jarko Dubbeldam

It's snowing hard here

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir That explains a lot

@JarkoDubbeldam Why are you getting all the fun today? We need more snow, so we can build a second giant neighborhood snowman tonight! :P

Jarko Dubbeldam

snow is going horizontal

Magisch

3:20 PM

@Tinkeringbell frozen theme plays in the background as a scarf wearing @Tinkeringbell emerges at a neighbour's door.

TheTinyMan

@Magisch I choose to picture a scarf that is itself wearing @Tinkeringbell. I am amused.

She's, like, wrapped around it to keep it warm. :-p

Mithrandir

@TheTinyMan that is exactly what I thought as well

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch Hahaha ;) Most likely, it's our doorbell that will ring (not that I mind :P )

Mithrandir

Better put a hyphen in, @Mag :P

Magisch

alternate reality where scarfs are wearing humans for warmth

TheTinyMan

3:22 PM

@Magisch About as effective as the uses for humans in the Matrix

Tinkeringbell

I had to halve it to get it the right size :)

But that's the winter wonderland here :D

TheTinyMan

... unless the later movies made that make more sense, I was told that the second and third movies were awful so to preserve the purity of my experience with the first I didn't watch them

@Tinkeringbell Ooooohhhh, that's beautiful! I am beyond jealous!

Mithrandir

That's freezing. I don't envy you.

Jarko Dubbeldam

photo incoming

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan You can just create such a room :) But, you'll have to be committed to keeping it sort-of inline to, I guess

TheTinyMan

3:26 PM

@Tinkeringbell Yeah, I thought as much - but I'm way too absent-minded to remember to come back and keep an eye on things!

Jarko Dubbeldam

Tinkeringbell

@JarkoDubbeldam Nice... is that a whomping willow on the left? Looks like it shook off all the snow :P

Anyone agrees we're not private detectives? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/7932/…

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Yeah, this feels like it's probably the wrong stack for that...

Jarko Dubbeldam

that has nothing to do with IPS

also, nah, just thin branches, so hard to photograph

Tinkeringbell

@JarkoDubbeldam You just ruined my imagination :P

TheTinyMan

3:32 PM

Man. I wonder how hard it'd be to immigrate to the Netherlands. ... I'd probably have to learn Dutch though. xD

Tinkeringbell

@JarkoDubbeldam Looks slippery..

Jarko Dubbeldam

@TheTinyMan a lot of dutchies speak decent enough english though

Tinkeringbell

@JarkoDubbeldam But don't expect me to :P

TheTinyMan

@JarkoDubbeldam Yeah but can someone immigrate there without it?

Jarko Dubbeldam

@Tinkeringbell hehe, that's supposed to be grass, but because of the previous rains it is kinda flooded

@TheTinyMan depends, are you from the EU. Then it is easy as pie

Mithrandir

3:33 PM

I'd take a photo but a.) that could potentially reveal my exact location b.) it's dark out c.) I have nowhere to take a picture from

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir Hmmm.... It's getting darker here too, again

TheTinyMan

@JarkoDubbeldam Nope, I'm from the USA. I've thought about trying to immigrate to an EU country, but everywhere that I've considered seems to have some really onerous requirements.

Jarko Dubbeldam

IDK tbh. As long as you can show you have work here, I think it's not too hard

TheTinyMan

@JarkoDubbeldam Hmm. As a programmer, surely I'd be expected to be fluent in the native tongue to succeed in a career? (Please tell me I'm wrong! xD )

apaul

@TheTinyMan But we're number one!

Tinkeringbell

3:36 PM

@TheTinyMan Not really. We get I don't know how many people from India... that speak only a little understandable English and no Dutch

Jarko Dubbeldam

Not really. Actually the only department in the company I work at where they consistently speak english are the software developers

apaul

... in juvenile diabetes

TheTinyMan

Hmmm... strokes his beard thoughtfully

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan Hmmm... I don't think beards are allowed though :P

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Ehh, it's a sad excuse for a beard anyways. ;-)

Jarko Dubbeldam

3:38 PM

vtc-pls | OffTopic | interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/7933/…

apaul

@Tinkeringbell Psh.

@JarkoDubbeldam But they said "Plz"

Tinkeringbell

You're looking for Stack Overflow, not the Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange. — TheTinyMan 32 secs ago

Jarko Dubbeldam

@TheTinyMan At SO this would get nuked as well

Extroverted Main Man

-3

Q: String programming of java

Write a program in java to print those words of a input sentence which begin with a capital letter! I don't know how to add the capital words if input sentence! Plz help

how-to-help

Tinkeringbell

^That's what I wanted to explain

Jarko Dubbeldam

3:40 PM

gimme codez is not a question

TheTinyMan

Oh, yeah, I thought that it might. But I figured that people there would be better able to explain to them how to craft a good SO question than I could.

Tinkeringbell

That's one of those questions we can delete right away too...

Jarko Dubbeldam

as it stands this is beyond salvaging

apaul

Can someone salvage the pseudo science question?

Tinkeringbell

@apaul Wow... 4 reopen votes? BAD!

Bad community.

:P

I think I'll need input from the OP on this one.... And I'm seriously debating if it's not for a big part a duplicate of the question I linked?

I haven't read all the answers, but I don't want to be the person hammering it in shape (for example, to match the accepted answer) and then having to tell people 'your answer doesn't match the question anymore'.

apaul

3:50 PM

@Tinkeringbell I think it may end up being a dupe after hammering, you're probably right.

Jarko Dubbeldam

ugh

it's annoying you can't see which comment was related to a declined flag

Tinkeringbell

Btw, I see the edit only now. So, the OP did provide some input ... Hmmm...

I personally think you've exhausted all your IPS options here, unfortunately. — NotThatGuy 2 hours ago

Jarko Dubbeldam

I think it was that one....

Tinkeringbell

I flagged that one as NLN and it got declined? Someone press the wrong buttons again?

I flagged the ones above and below that one as well, all three are declined

Jarko Dubbeldam

@Tinkeringbell hmm, I just now flagged both of those, with custom flag to be sure :|

Tinkeringbell

4:01 PM

@JarkoDubbeldam I used one mod flag on the first of those 3, I'm still hoping someone accidentally pressed the wrong button... Otherwise, meta it will be! :P

Jarko Dubbeldam

@Tinkeringbell hmm, now they're all gone

Tinkeringbell

@JarkoDubbeldam Told ya... wrong button probably ;)

Jarko Dubbeldam

puts me on 300 flags :)

Tinkeringbell

Or surprise test to see how sharp we are, if we're not just flagging bogus :P

Mithrandir

4:23 PM

@Tinkeringbell I hate when I press the wrong button

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir You hate it even more when others do it :P

Mithrandir

Indeed ;)

I accidentally flagged a NaA as spam earlier. I retracted it within ten seconds, but still... not a good mistake.

The Snark Knight

@Mithrandir can only mods retract a flag?

Tinkeringbell

@TheSnarkKnight Nope

Mithrandir

Anyone can retract a post flag before it's handled.

Tinkeringbell

4:30 PM

I did that as well a few times.

The Snark Knight

Funny, I accidently flagged something as rude and it wouldn't let me retract it

glitch?

Tinkeringbell

@TheSnarkKnight post or comment?

Mithrandir

A comment?

The Snark Knight

I forget which. it's been a while.

Mithrandir

You can't retract comment flags.

The Snark Knight

4:37 PM

k, thx

Jarko Dubbeldam

5:01 PM

Haven't seen his before

Mithrandir

The person deleted their account, I presume

Jarko Dubbeldam

ye

or someone hacked Community and posted an answer

A J

Lol

Magisch

@Mithrandir I think your feelings on this comes from smokey

A J

No one can hack community user except community user himself or Jon Skeet. ;)

Mithrandir

5:07 PM

@Magisch I think the mistake resulted from Smokey

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How to deal with being publicly yelled at?

I am in a large volunteer performing arts organization (about 200 choir members). At our dress rehearsal last week, I jumped down from the stage (about three feet) rather than using the stairs (there was a long line). Physically, this was no problem for me. I'm in good shape, quite tall, and h...

conflict-aversion

Mister Positive

5:36 PM

Is it ever on topic for us to help an OP with making a choice?

@Catija

crickets....

Tinkeringbell

6:15 PM

@MisterPositive Sorry, I had to clear 30 cm of snow off of a roof

We don't make choices. I think the same goes for TWP? ;) We don't make your IPS choices for you. If you want to talk, that's fine. But we don't pick what you should talk about ;)

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell But aren't a lot of the questions that we answer, "how should I achieve X ends?" Isn't that kind of making a choice?

Tinkeringbell

Yes, but there's a difference between:

My car broke. What should I do now?

And:

My car broke, and I want to replace the engine so it will work again. How do I do that?

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell That's true.

Mithrandir

6:37 PM

I actually am considering editing my question to focus less on the mod stuff issue and more about generally being uncomfortable with him looking at my screen

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir Why? Because one anonymous, cowardly close-vote? :P

Mithrandir

Because the mod stuff issue seems to be a different issue, but I have to check with SE about that to be absolutely sure.

Close vote? goes to check

Huh, that's odd

Tinkeringbell

Well, if you want to. I think the mod stuff is relevant though, it's like he's looking at info he's not allowed to see.

Adds another layer to the problem, because if you leave that out there will be people saying 'you're 15, don't fuss about it'

Mithrandir

Sure, but just to change the focus a bit.

Tinkeringbell

okay, I think that might work ;)

Mithrandir

6:49 PM

is talking to CM, will figure out what to do after

flag-pls del-pls | NaA | How to approach my brother about reading what's on my screen?

Heh, didn't even notice the title change

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