16:20
@fredsbend Well ... no, it wasn't. The Jews and early Christians didn't care so much about writing their history down. They cared about writing their "story" down -- very different. And although it relates to history, it's usually a mistake to interpret Biblical accounts as history.
Most of the Bible is explicitly not history. And that which "is history" can still be presumed to be "history" from a religious perspective.
That's not to say that the accounts are false, or that you can't learn something about history from them. But, they're not written for the sake of knowing the history. The history, to the extent that it's documented, is written and filtered for religious purposes: To tell the Jews how they relate to God, how faithful God is to them, and how their own unfaithfulness to God has always resulted in bad things ...
... All of which parallels the progression of personal spirituality.
Or this:
usccb.org/bible/exodus/33:18 (through verse 23) ... You cannot see God's face. God is never revealed that way. You always see Him in passing. In plain dry terms, a genuine experience of God is only really known in retrospect.
... part of the obstacle to folks finding God [in Christianity] is this idea that He makes grand appearances. That He's a wonder worker. That His job is to answer our prayers and make us feel good. But, that's a gross misreading of both the Bible and Christianity.
@fredsbend I hope you don't feel alone in your experience. The stage your in, if I understand it, is a stage well-known to the saints. And it's well covered in scripture if you know to read it as a living analogy of the spiritual life. You're in the desert, you know?
You're in a state of spiritual desolation. And you want things from God. And its not wrong to grumble and demand things from Him. But, it's an arid state. It's supposed to be. God necessarily withholds Himself and holds Himself at a distance (in the fire and smoke) from folks periodically to advance them. And you generally need someone (Moses) to keep you on the path during the dryness.
So, if I could offer some encouragement, since we're off topic here again, return to your Christian roots -- wherever those might be. Walk the walk. For awhile, it'll be tough. It'll be arid. But, I suspect the Christian tradition that led you into the desert can get you through it to a state far better than you were going in.
From personal experience, this sort of thing has happened to me a lot ... and I still consider myself a spiritual novice. Novice of novices. ... But, in retrospect, I'm still way better off after each period of desolation than I was going into it. And I'm incredibly thankful that I've had networks of Catholics to keep me motivated, and brilliant Catholic (and other Christian) authors to assure me, in various terms, that the intense dryness is a necessary stage in spiritual growth.
So, go boldly forth, man. And keep at least one thing in mind: When God withdraws, He has withdrawn precisely to force you to advance towards the promised land. Stick with the practices that led you into desolation, reiterate over your doctrines, find a spiritual advisor, and be prepared to change a little, for the better. You know, release your death grip on who you think God is, let God be God ... and once you take that step, you'll find God's more astounding than you previously thought.