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Willow

 Discussion on question by Mikey: Stum…

Imported from a comment discussion on worldbuilding.stackexcha...
Willow
Oct 3, 2017 17:02
You don't want numbers but what about titles and placement? Third son of senior welder B Group , Lake Milh Division -- this would change as your father went up or down the ranks/died. Or go Borg: Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix 01) It sounds numeric, but Seven was not called 'Seven' by other Borg. She was either contacted directly or (rarely) referred to by her designation.
 

 Discussion on answer by user1450877: …

Imported from a comment discussion on parenting.stackexchange....
Willow
May 26, 2017 11:40
It isn't that you did not have a point to make. People can change themselves -- especially when the prize is an important as their own child. Honestly, I think it was the tone of your message that made me unable to hear your message. The be nice policy works in your favour. If you are nice, people tend to at least read your entire message. That doesn't mean we will agree -- but it is a start to deliver your pov.
Willow
May 26, 2017 11:36
On the face of it, I'd say that if the father wants to be in his child's life, he should start by cleaning up his act. Apply for legal status. Agree to therapy. Be respectful to the mother (at least when she is with the child -- same goes for her. She can't push father's buttons or be disrespectful.) The ball is in his court -- if he wants to be a part of the child's life, he has to DO something about it.
Willow
May 26, 2017 11:33
However in this question, the father is not in the country legally and still is not being kind or appropriate to the mother. You're right about the OP. We do not know what she does in return or if she is verbally or physically abusive herself. However, she never admitted to any of that and we answer the question as it is written.
Willow
May 26, 2017 11:30
@user1450877 I've been thinking over what I think you are trying to say. (Simply because an adult abuses another adult does not mean they would ever abuse their child.) IF that is the message I can glimpse your point. If the abuser(s) seek help for their abusive tendency and lack of control/rage issues, I can see them earning the right to be in the child's life.
Willow
May 25, 2017 13:59
@user1450877 You're saying there was no violence against the child. The child was inside the mother . If that isn't a threat to the child -- then what is? If the abuser thought the child was so unimportant during gestation, why would anyone think he'd do any better once the child had been born? "sometimes slapped me and threatened to kill me. He hit my arm with a belt while I was pregnant". He's shown exactly who he is and how little he cares about the child and the mum. He failed as a parent.
 

 Discussion on question by Joe_74: Is …

Imported from a comment discussion on parenting.stackexchange....
Willow
May 25, 2017 16:02
@anongoodnurse I know -- but it's still a fight for doctors. We have the reverse in teaching -- male teachers are often suspected as gay or less ambitious -- fiddlesticks! I will bow to your knowledge on the studies.
Willow
May 25, 2017 14:40
If a woman can be as good as or even better than a man at medicine, that doesn't change that women are still fighting to be equals in that profession. Men can be fantastic parents. The stay at home Dad I know well certainly is. I think opportunity is far more of a factor in this. If men in general are less interested in being a primary caregiver, does that mean they are less capable? IMO, no.
Willow
May 25, 2017 14:38
@anongoodnurse I think that (not including nursing) if men were equal in numbers to women as primary caregivers, the 'evidence' would be more believable. As long as women are paid less to do the same job and as long as society 'expects' certain functions from different sexes -- the evidence will be skewed to the subject.
Willow
May 25, 2017 14:13
@learner101 I don't think culture was part of the question though. In most places women are the primary caregivers for some pretty obvious reasons. That doesn't make it wrong for a father to be a primary caregiver or suggest that they can't be absolutely terrific at the job. I seriously doubt there is 'evidence' that proves one sex is better than another. One person over another -- certainly. Women have the advantage in this as it is often the way we are raised; while boys are encouraged elsewhere. My closest male friends have done a fantastic and loving job of parenting their three.
Willow
May 25, 2017 14:13
There seems to be quite a bit of anecdotal 'evidence' when I search. I think that fathers can be excellent primary caregivers -- because IMO anyone walking the walk and being in the primary position has the emotional ties that go with being that caregiver. If you want the position and do the parenting I can't see that (other than the nursing phase) it makes any difference. Plenty of men are simply fantastic parents.
 

 The Playground

General discussion for parenting.stackexchange.com
1
Willow
May 23, 2017 12:02
@pojo-guy You can always just ask a question in chat or in meta If you use the @ symbol in a post, you can call another poster to the question. It only works for one member, but like the rest of SE -- it is still open to everyone. If you want others, just make different comments using their entire username -- no space between @ and the name.
Willow
May 10, 2017 22:45
@anongoodnurse thanks! What I remember and what is true, do not always match up. I never had a newborn, so I really did not know. Thanks.
Willow
May 10, 2017 21:18
@anongoodnurse regarding closed question on the four-week-old not being able to extend her arms straight: Can any newborn do that? I have not parented a newborn, but my recollection of them is that their arms and legs are not straight. I suppose they are (forced) straightened by swaddling -- but I never did that either, do I was simply wondering.
Willow
Mar 12, 2017 18:45
@anongoodnurse thanks!
 

 Discussion on answer by Willow: The t…

Imported from a comment discussion on parenting.stackexchange....
Willow
May 9, 2017 12:09
@AuralArch I sincerely hope that the teacher simply was having a bad day and that the Admin had a knee-jerk reaction and defended the program when normally, no one would.
Willow
May 8, 2017 21:29
I think that a five year-old should not be getting that much homework, and that the teacher herself did not print neatly or clearly. We can pick nits with her because according to the OP, the reason for erasing was messy work.
Willow
May 8, 2017 21:27
I did not mean that the OP should not talk to the teacher first. I suggested it plainly. This is the first time I've ever heard of this sort of marking system, but though I taught and have a Masters in Special Ed, I have been retired for nearly 8 years. I do not claim to know everything -- but this practise seems counter-productive.
Willow
May 8, 2017 21:23
sorry I missed all of this...
Willow
May 8, 2017 03:01
@PeterE, Well I disagree. If the parent or the student do not understand, it is a fail. FIVE years-old. This is a child in kinder, not even first grade. I did not suggest storming off anywhere. I suggested she ask the teacher and if she was not satisfied, go to Admin.
 

 Discussion on answer by Crowley: How …

Imported from a comment discussion on parenting.stackexchange....
Willow
May 7, 2017 15:32
@Crowly -- your latest answer to Dad of 2 girls regarding water bottles was so good. I think you helped him. That was worded so much better -- way to go!
Willow
May 5, 2017 17:00
@Crowley that may well be it. I do understand that you are trying to help! That is why I am trying to help you, in return. I hope you'll stick around and try answering another question. I would suggest keeping your answers simple though. Not everyone has your sense of humor or is smart enough to understand you playing with words.
Willow
May 5, 2017 12:22
@Crowley So I think you did not mean 'belittle' at all. In my classroom if children seemed to hurt themselves we reacted by calling out,"Oopsie!" If they were not too hurt, they would laugh, but if they were hurt, all we had done was to note they'd falling. The "oopsie" just made it possible to laugh and brush it off -- if they were not in fact really hurt.
Willow
May 5, 2017 12:16
@Crowley I can see how hard you are trying to make this a better answer. "Try to focus on fun with your kid and belittle their troubles." What do you think 'belittle' means? It's a verb, from Google Dictionary: verb
make (someone or something) seem unimportant.
"this is not to belittle his role"
synonyms: disparage, denigrate, run down, deprecate, depreciate, downgrade, play down, trivialize, minimize, make light of, pooh-pooh, treat lightly, scoff at, sneer at; formal derogate; rare misprize
"he had been warned on two previous occasions to stop belittling his students"
Willow
May 5, 2017 12:10
@Crowley "Have you considered changing your diet?" could be rude in context -- this is why it is so difficult. Believe me, I did not just walk in here and get no complaints or requests for edits. I have maybe had a few days since I had 'help'. I like this site and it is worth it (to me, at least) to learn the ropes. Even the moderators are 'helped' if someone thinks they've got it wrong.
Willow
May 4, 2017 13:23
The idea is to answer the question, not tell the person what to do. Not "Go on a diet", but "Have you thought about cutting back on fats and sugars?" OR, "Cutting back on fats and sugars may lead to weight loss." It has no judgement to it that way.
Willow
May 4, 2017 13:23
@Crowley I am unable to help you without rewriting your entire post. The first part and your point 1) both are critical in the negative way to the OP. Sometimes we disagree with the OP. I for example HATE spanking. So, I have been asked to keep that opinion to myself when an OP asks about it.
Willow
May 4, 2017 12:13
@Crowley CRITICIZE 1) indicate the faults of (someone or something) in a disapproving way. 2) form and express a sophisticated judgment of (a literary or artistic work). (Google Dictionary ) We are seeing your remarks as definition 1. I understand that may not be your intent, but the written word is very often open to interpretation. I am trying to help and I hope you can interpret my post as being meant that way.
Willow
May 3, 2017 22:49
@Crowley there are two different definitions for the word critiicize. Yours is the secondary definition. I would link it, but am not on a PC, and it is too difficult. I will be happy to do so tomorrow.
Willow
May 3, 2017 20:34
@Crowley Sorry, your answer will still not get my upvote. I think it might be a language barrier -- forgive me if I am wrong. The way we word our answers is meant to help, not criticize the OP. Anongoodnurse's advice is right on. I was new here not so long ago. It is not at all like other forums. We don't say what we think about the person or the problem. No -- how/why did you do something like that? We are meant to share our point of view in an encouraging way.
Willow
May 3, 2017 16:59
@Crowley You're welcome. I think it works to explain and anongoodnurse was trying to help. I think you have a pov that may work for the OP (Original Poster), but that you should delete the post (so that no one else downvotes you) and resubmit it written from a positive pov. It takes a while to get used to this site, but it's worth the effort.
Willow
May 3, 2017 16:47
You said "both approaches are bad". That was enough for me to think the answer wasn't helpful. No one ever takes criticism if it is delivered with any sort of put down -- real or imagined. I think that if you reword your post to be positive -- you will have made a point that might help. example: 1) If you and your wife take different approaches it might be confusing to your boy. I suggest you find a way to compromise and cooperate with each other, and present a more united approach.
 

 Discussion on answer by Willow: Is it…

Imported from a comment discussion on parenting.stackexchange....
Willow
May 5, 2017 20:06
@TSar Thank you!
Willow
May 5, 2017 20:06
@TSar forgive my ignorance, what is "SOs"? For me it means 'significant other' -- a loved one to whom the person is not married but they are the love partner.
Willow
May 5, 2017 20:06
@TSar Thank you very much! The thing I like best about this site is the number of great but different ideas for the same question. I have a point of view, but that doesn't mean I am not learning from everyone here. I really do think this format offers a better method for our OPs to find a solution that works for them and their own particular circumstances. I really liked your punching bag answer. (Remember that?)
Willow
May 5, 2017 20:06
@TOOGAM I have nothing against computers. I do not want TV or computers games to be my kid's obsession. There are imagination-based games out there, but even they are a lot more limiting simply because the child is sitting and inactive. (R./KRyan/TOOGAM) I repeat that I like tech just fine -- I simply prefer any toy that doesn't have them inside or just sitting for hours at a time. We are talking about a kick -- an obsession, not one of many activities. The OP asked about dolls and they can be a worry IF that is all she plays with - we're expanding her selections from there!
Willow
May 5, 2017 20:06
@KRyan if it wasn't an obsession and the child went outside, got exercise and played with other children, I'd be fine with it. I like computers! I like TV! I think there are all sorts of ways that computers are better teachers than humans. (I am a retired teacher.) BUT: I would not want my kindergartener or my teenager on a device 'kick'. There are too many other things to do.
Willow
May 5, 2017 20:06
@KRyan I would much prefer my child was not 'on a kick' with TV or computers and was playing with dolls at 4 or 5. If that is knee-jerk, I can live with it!
Willow
May 5, 2017 20:06
@the_lotus darn it, that is what I meant... I will edit to make that clear. THANKS!
 

 Discussion on question by EveryBitHel…

Imported from a comment discussion on worldbuilding.stackexcha...
Willow
Apr 14, 2017 22:58
When is the story set? Today, we could cope with greenhouses to a degree. Animals (farm and wild) would be at greatest risk.
 

 The Factory Floor

Main chat room for worldbuilding.stackexchange.com
4
Willow
Apr 10, 2017 18:33
@Mrkvička Thanks for the edit on my answer, it does look prettier. It takes getting used to as I have been on forums where the grammar/spelling 'police' are frowned on. link I do understand that this site likes things a certain way, and I am trying to learn it. It is still a bit strange though!
Willow
Mar 28, 2017 22:05
@Bellerophon I won't tell on you! ;)
Willow
Mar 28, 2017 21:29
Just a quick fly by to say I wish I was better able to participate but read the site everyday. You people are great and I love that while you do edit and tweak and so on -- you are not the spelling/grammar police. Refreshing!
4
 

 Discussion on question by Mikey: Cond…

Imported from a comment discussion on parenting.stackexchange....
Willow
Apr 6, 2017 11:45
If one has a care package/mail -- why would it be opened in a common room? I'd open it in my room. Also, even if I had 3 roommates, I would still have as much privacy as I wanted -- simply by choosing my time. I think kids in general are not embarrassed by sex like some may have been when they were young. We could not admit to menstruating -- now it is a non-issue. No one can control what comes in a church care package! Probably at worst the recipient makes a jokes and calls the giver an idiot. Also if the student is so very embarrassed, they may not need the condoms.
Willow
Apr 6, 2017 11:45
My concern is that you cannot control 1) the shipping and storage temperature of condoms. 2) the time limit for their use (expiration dates). I'd also say add KY to the package. I love the idea on the one hand, but think this might not actually work.
 

 Language Overflow

This is the main chat room for ell.stackexchange.com. Welcome!
Willow
Mar 18, 2017 14:14
@M.A.R. cool! I only got the one message. Sorry I am scarce due to a medical issue -- which leaves me unable to gather links and info easily. That one fell into my lap!
Willow
Mar 18, 2017 14:02
@snailplane glad someone found it interesting!
Willow
Mar 16, 2017 13:46
Hi all -- just wondered if you'd seen this yet. LINK The Oxford comma
6
 

 Discussion on question by Ruben Giuli…

Imported from a comment discussion on parenting.stackexchange....
Willow Rex
Mar 12, 2017 17:54
Ruben, we can't continue this discussion in comments, and I really have no more suggestions to add. I honestly do not mean this to be rude or unkind -- but if you are defeated before you do something new, then that IS what you are -- defeated. I'd say the only way 'out' is to toss positive at the situation and keep trying. Best of luck.
Willow Rex
Mar 12, 2017 17:54
Do you do any activities together or as a family? Perhaps if you started to learn something together -- none of you being better than another, it might help.