The Awkward Silence

The Snark Knight

6:00 PM

@Tinkeringbell you must have, because nobody would murder sauerkraut like that

Tinkeringbell

@TheSnarkKnight ah.nl/allerhande/recept/R-R66124/zuurkool-ovenschotel

The Snark Knight

ewwwwwwwwww!

user15026

Raisins ruin things.

The Snark Knight

Raisins look like rabbit droppings

apaul

Reminds of the disappointment of seeing what I think is a chocolate chip cookie, but nooooo

Tinkeringbell

6:04 PM

@apaul That's the only time I hate raisins too

TheTinyMan

@apaul Oh, man, raisin cookies are such an underhanded lie...

I mean, I like raisins, but raisin cookies are some messed-up stuff...

Tinkeringbell

I love raisin muffins though :)

user15026

Or butter tarts where the raisins all sunk to the bottom so you can't see them until you bite in. :(

apaul

When done well an oatmeal raisin cookie can be good, but when it sneaks up on you...

It's almost like grabbing my partner's coffee by mistake and tasting their cup of cream and sugar when expecting, ya'know coffee.

Anne Daunted

62

Q: Responding to being told to "smile" by a stranger?

This seems to be a fairly common scenario. Since I don't work in a public environment anymore, it's been something that hasn't crossed my mind in a long while. However, today while paying for a few items at the gas station the guy working the register decided to strike up a conversation with me...

already accumulated 3 VTCs as primarily opinion-based

why?

apaul

6:14 PM

@AnneDaunted people vtc "controversial topics" they shouldn't, but they do.

TheTinyMan

@apaul I wish we had a good defense against that >.<

Anne Daunted

@apaul the same reason as back then with the scanning co-worker?

apaul

@AnneDaunted Yup.

"People want to be treated like people?!?! Not on my watch!"

Anne Daunted

;-)

Mithrandir

@AnneDaunted it's a "What should I do?" question.

Anne Daunted

6:17 PM

@Mithrandir No, it's not

TheTinyMan

@Mithrandir The subject sounds like it might be but the text is pretty clear about her objectives.

Tim Post

Quick, quick, shoot off all those toes out of fear that they'll grow additional feet!

Anne Daunted

The OP is not asking what she should do, but how to respond

she explains her feelings, and her goal, and then asks for ways to communicate it

Mithrandir

> Given this information, what's the best way to respond to such comments?

Anne Daunted

Not "Should I respond to such comments?"

apaul

6:19 PM

@Mithrandir A question is more than the part followed by a question mark.

Mithrandir

@apaul Sure, but that's emphasized and specified as the question. I'm willing to be persuaded here, but it certainly seems like a "What should I do?" question to me.

The Snark Knight

I usually tell people "because I'm in mourning". That stops them

not a lie, either

apaul

@Mithrandir They provide an awful lot of context, making their desired outcome clear. It's not a nebulous all answers are equally valid.

Anne Daunted

It's not a "What should I do?" question. She explains the problem and thereby also her goal and then asks how to achieve that

How do I gently tell him that I'm not all smiles because he is asking me?

apaul

@TimPost is there any wisdom from SE antiquity that can help with this? chat.stackexchange.com/rooms/61165/the-awkward-silence#

The Snark Knight

6:25 PM

I wish I had so few problems that I could be upset by someone telling me to smile

Anne Daunted

I wish I had so few problems that I could be upset over someone being upset by someone telling me to smile ;-)

TheTinyMan

@TheSnarkKnight I know many people with plenty of problems who get upset at that. O.o

user15026

@TheSnarkKnight I don't think it is a lack of problems thing

user15026

I think it's a "damn tired of people" thing

user15026

It's annoying, it's rude, it's unnecessary. Demanding something like that is a weird invasion past my boundaries.

The Snark Knight

6:27 PM

@Ash if that's the case, then I'm several decades late to the table for that one.

user15026

Like sure, it's "just a smile" but like...you don't know me, you don't know my current situation, maybe there's too much going on and I don't have it in me to smile, maybe I just don't want to be treated like a trained parrot where you can demand things.

Mithrandir

@AnneDaunted maybe that sentence should be removed then.

TheTinyMan

@Mithrandir I agree that the question could be edited to better communicate its intent.

Mithrandir

Vote retracted.

apaul

@TimPost I think that link was bad? Sorry about that. chat.stackexchange.com/transcript/message/42316331#42316331

Tinkeringbell

6:28 PM

@Ash As someone who has worked retail: you do have some sort of social responsbility.... if people look especially worn-down, ask them if they are ok.

The Snark Knight

@Ash well, compared to the things that I've been told, such as I shouldn't reproduce since I'm autistic, or that person who told me that my employer shouldn't be allowed to hire people like me, or the various "deaf and dumb" insults I've had to put up with, "smile" seems like a pretty mundane thing to me.

Tinkeringbell

You know, you don't always have to smile.... but there's a middle way between looks-that-can-kill and a smile

But anyhow... respect the OP's request.

TheTinyMan

@TheSnarkKnight It isn't about the action in question, it's about the idea that it is less important to communicate one's emotional state honestly than to do what this other person thinks looks prettiest.

The Snark Knight

@Tinkeringbell people get very concerned when I don't smile. I have a resting "murder" face

apaul

@TheSnarkKnight Couldn't be your whole "men's rights" trip?

user15026

6:30 PM

@TheSnarkKnight I'm sure it does, and I'm sorry that people treat you that way - that said, this isn't the microaggression Olympics. Comparisons don't help people.

Tinkeringbell

If they want to find an adequate response to being told to smile and they want to express their disgust at the request..... Write an answer to that extent or shut up. That's why I didn't answer that one

The Snark Knight

@apaul are you saying men don't have rights?

TheTinyMan

And it begins again :-P

user15026

Like saying "well I have xyz that's worse" does not negate the fact that this thing is hard for people, and is exhausting when you face it all the time.

The Snark Knight

@Ash there is nothing "micro" about the aggression I've faced

apaul

6:31 PM

@TheSnarkKnight No, just thinking that a motive check might be in order... ;)

Tim Post

@apaul It pretty much needs to happen as a ~~throw down~~ meta discussion that challenges folks to define how far they're willing to depart from the strong "subjective is generally bad" culture that our UI strongly promotes for the sake of trying to see what an acceptable breadth of topic for the site might look like. These discussions tend to happen in little chunks over a couple of years and often don't make much of an impact.

The Snark Knight

@Ash and murder and jaywalking are both crimes. Point?

user15026

The societal expectation that is excessively placed on women to "smile" and be happy and positive and pretty all the time is exhausting.

The Snark Knight

@apaul I don't have ulterior motives.... too stressful.

Tinkeringbell

Okay.... cut it out. OP wants to express they don't like being told to smile, write an answer helping her or not.... There's no need to go guessing into motives that might not even be there... :/

apaul

6:32 PM

@TimPost Hmm... "Don't make much impact" isn't encouraging.

The Snark Knight

@Ash I would trade that for the pressures of being hearing impaired and autistic trying to deal with the rest of society

user15026

@TheSnarkKnight Okay, not to be rude but you're assuming none of us are also those things

Anne Daunted

well, at least i made you all stop talking about sauerkraut...

user15026

Like sorry, but you don't know what else these people have going on.

The Snark Knight

@Ash where have I made such assumptions? You are assuming my motives

user15026

6:33 PM

"I would trade that for the pressures..." etc.

user15026

You're assuming it's a one for one.

user15026

Like you give them that and you get this and its the only worry you have

The Snark Knight

@Ash no, you're trying to do some mind reading.

Tim Post

@apaul What sets precedence mostly is what gets to remain open, so reopen votes and keeping up with what got closed is critical if you want the scope to be more inclusive, but having the conversation more to reach the immediate goal of "what really scares us about pushing the edges here?" overall might be better.

TheTinyMan

@TheSnarkKnight What did "@Ash I would trade that for the pressures of being hearing impaired and autistic trying to deal with the rest of society" mean? Because that's how I read that, too.

user15026

6:34 PM

@TheSnarkKnight I'm working off of the very little context that you're giving.

The Snark Knight

@ash what YOU did was try to bring major aggression down to the micro

@ash, no you're assuming motives. are you neurotypical?

Tim Post

In other words, don't define it by what gets closed over the next three months, define it more by a conscious endeavor to discuss it more holistically in one sitting, perhaps. I'm not sure though, I mean, IPS goes into some pretty strange waters and we knew it would, so ..

user15026

@TheSnarkKnight hahahahahahahhahahahahahaha nope.

user15026

I am not.

user15026

But that's not important.

The Snark Knight

6:35 PM

@Ash why is that funny?\

are you mocking me now?

user15026

@TheSnarkKnight No, I'm laughing at myself

user15026

I'm being amused and delighted that I pass as NT

Catija

I don't understand why a woman being tired of being told to smile affects any of the other issues that are going on in the world... We all have shit we have to deal with... Let's work together to fight all of the problems rather than devaluing one person's problem because they're not also yours.

5

The Snark Knight

@ash no, I asked a question, I suspected not.

user15026

@Catija Yeah, exactly :)

apaul

6:37 PM

@TimPost We seem to live in strange waters...

Anne Daunted

@Catija very well said

TheTinyMan

@Catija +1

The Snark Knight

Oh for Christ's sake.

Tim Post

@apaul You mean you also live near a sewage treatment facility and occasionally glow in the dark?

user15026

@TimPost Only sometimes?

apaul

6:38 PM

@TimPost Thanks 😒

Tim Post

I also used to be a line cook, so it's not the only thing we'd have in common :P

apaul

Quick poll... How many aspies are in here right now?

Mithrandir

@TimPost Like Wesley?

Catija

@Mithrandir Crusher?

Mithrandir

Dr. Seuss, The Lorax "Let it Grow!"

►

@Catija Wes has other problems, but glowing in the dark isn't one.

user15026

6:39 PM

@Catija That was my first guess but he was just annoying, not luminescent :P

Catija

@Ash I don't think we can be friends any more. Wes is the best.

user15026

@Catija oh noooooo :(

Anne Daunted

@Catija do you have a crush on crusher?

Catija

@Ash This is sad.

user15026

@Catija tries to find ways to redeem themself

apaul

6:41 PM

@AnneDaunted I was thinking that really loud over here...

Catija

@AnneDaunted Such a hard crush as a kid... I also own this jacket:

user15026

@Catija I wonder if the difference is because I watched it all as an adult

Anne Daunted

looks nice

Catija

@Ash Maybe... When I watch the first few seasons again, he is pretty annoying... but later on he's better.

And, to be honest, I still think that Wil always sounds like an arrogant prick.

user15026

@Catija He does improve, yes

apaul

6:43 PM

So... Anyone going to respond to the aspie poll? Like I know there's at least three.

user15026

@Catija He kinda does have that air about him - I don't think (I hope not anyhow) that it's intentional, it jsut happens

user15026

@apaul Not I! My brains are different but not that kind of different

Anne Daunted

@apaul I'm not an aspie

Catija

I mean, I have little doubt that he's a great guy... I like his catch phrase and everything (don't be a dick)... but there's something about his tone of voice that comes with this arrogance... you can hear it in some of the Tabletop episodes pretty heavily.

@apaul Um... I've never been tested?

apaul

The Star Trek fixation may be an answer... ;)

user15026

6:45 PM

@Catija Agreed

user15026

@apaul Hyperfocus is not solely the realm of the autism spectrum

apaul

@Ash I know, was just a joke.

Tinkeringbell

I never got an official ASD certificate.

user15026

@apaul Sorry, I sometimes miss joking and sarcasm in text

Catija

@apaul Actually, in the grand scheme of Star Trek fandom, I barely rate on the "casual fan" scale...

user15026

6:46 PM

The winky face should've been my clue :)

NVZ

ahem...

apaul

@Ash Also me typing is often a strong indicator ;)

@NVZ ahem ahem?

NVZ

@apaul hey look, it's apaul

Anne Daunted

@Catija so it's not all or nothing?

NVZ

@apaul who's there?

@Catija I'm binge watching Star Wars.

Catija

6:48 PM

@AnneDaunted I think it's got "Star Wars uberfan" at one end and "honorary cast member" at the other?

Mithrandir

@apaul I've got 70+ Star Trek EU books, but I've only watched the first season of TNG + "The Best of Both Worlds".

Catija

@NVZ ... yeah... that's not the same thing at all.

NVZ

@Catija no they're not.

Mithrandir

Not at all. One is good. The other isn't. runs

Anne Daunted

@Catija can you stand star wars fans?

NVZ

6:50 PM

I would however wish to see Khan Singh visit India with that weird mix of names. Khan would be Muslim name. Singh, a Sikh one.

Catija

@AnneDaunted I'm wearing a Star Wars shirt today... I actually love them both :D

user15026

@Mithrandir hey, you left it ambiguous so technically both sides could walk away happy thinking you meant them as the good one :P

Catija

@Mithrandir Precisely what I'm talking about.

apaul

Geeks of the world unite... Separately... Via the internet

Anne Daunted

Star Wars didn't attain real greatness until Jar Jar Binks was introduced

Catija

6:52 PM

@AnneDaunted You're just asking for trouble, aren't you...

apaul

@AnneDaunted You're just poking the bear now...

Catija

I think we have a troll in the Awkward Silence today...

Anne Daunted

:-)

apaul

Mhmm

Mithrandir

@Ash I'm probably actually not in any position to judge either one of them, seeing as I've only seen A New Hope of Star Wars and the first season of Star Trek: The Next Generation.

TheTinyMan

6:53 PM

@apaul I suspect that I am but haven't yet been diagnosed

Catija

@Mithrandir Star Trek: A New Generation?

Mithrandir

...mooo

Anne Daunted

Even I know it's TNG

NVZ

@Mithrandir You must binge watch. Binge watch them all. The fate of the universe depends on you now.

Mithrandir

@NVZ points at parents

TheTinyMan

6:55 PM

@AnneDaunted vote-to-kick

Yay I did it right! xD

Mithrandir

@Catija I conflated the two.

ArtOfCode

@Mithrandir Trek Wars

Mithrandir

@Catija You've been found out, @TimPost.

Catija

@Mithrandir It wasn't confabulous... :P

NVZ

@Mithrandir and uses Jedi mind trick on them into allowing you to binge watch them all. But apparently, parents have strong minds. So, fail.

Mithrandir

6:56 PM

(I didn't like A New Hope.)

NVZ

Look, I'm NVZ!

apaul

"Everybody, look at Me
Who's he, he's NVZ
He's a geek, he's no MC
Just who the hell he's s'pposed to be
And he's so, I don't know
I know he's no rapper and that's when I go..."

NVZ

@apaul LOL, that's nice, yo!

apaul

Schaffer the Darklord - "The Rappist"

►

NVZ

I'm NVZ. I have an MP3. -- there, I rhyme too. :P

apaul

7:06 PM

It's nice cause it's stolen.

NVZ

EMINEM's verse on Smack That was my first real dive into the world of rap. Before that, rap, to me, sounded like bla bla bla. And from Smack That, I binged on EM's music, and then explored the big world of rap...

apaul

I appreciate a lot of the lyrically interesting stuff, usually has more to do with subject than style. The money, weed, women, cars stuff doesn't do much for me.

user15026

@apaul Same :)

That's why I usually prefer punk. Lots of angst, politics, and humor.

@Mithrandir Aren't you the one who usually gives me a hard time about questionable YouTube links? ;)

NoFX - Medio-core

►

Hmmm... Awful quiet in here...

Tinkeringbell

7:37 PM

blah blah blah

Seriously, I don't have much to talk about after spending the entire day in bed :/

apaul

"loud noises!"

@Tinkeringbell Feeling any better?

user15026

@apaul makes a note to listen when they're not at work

Tinkeringbell

@apaul Slightly... I still don't have the fever under control though. I'm now underneath 2 blankets, which is a -1 improment from last night :/

apaul

@Ash Worth noting, they're noteworthy.

user15026

Cool beans :) I've bookmarked it for later

apaul

7:40 PM

@Tinkeringbell Hopefully it'll pass soon.

Tinkeringbell

@apaul I hope so too, I have a dentist appointment tomorrow

apaul

@Tinkeringbell when it rains it pours?

Tinkeringbell

@apaul Meh... I have an umbrella

I'll deal with it ;)

apaul

0

Q: Are we ready to announce the quarterly awards contest for October-December 2017?

When I asked a meta question about the 150th day awards contest in November there was a general consensus that we were going towards the quarterly award pattern with the first contest to be announced in January for answers submitted in the period October 1 to December 31. So December 31 is past ...

discussion

It kinda seemed like our last few didn't draw much attention, do we still want to do these?

Catija

@apaul I'm going to be honest... I'm not really sure that these are something people care about.

apaul

7:48 PM

@Catija It looked that way.

NVZ

I don't really care about rep. I do however get attached to the delete votes that I get past a certain rep.

Hey, look, a pioneer. That's NVZ. interpersonal.stackexchange.com/help/badges/44/electorate

apaul

@NVZ nicely done.

Extroverted Main Man

8:13 PM

0

Q: How to deal with a suitmate who gossips about me within the first few days of move-in?

I am an Asian female college student. This semester, I'm placed to live with two American female roommates in an apartment suite, so we all have separate bedrooms and share a kitchen and a restroom. I just moved in two days ago, but one of my roommate already started gossiping about me. Here's wh...

conversations rudeness acquaintances roommates cross-culture

Mithrandir

8:44 PM

okay, folks - what do you think of this possible new auto comment? Any suggestions? (Or should I just leave this type of comment to the mods?)

**Please don't write answers in comments.** It bypasses our quality measures by not having voting (both up and down) available on comments, as well as having other problems [detailed on meta](interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/q/1644/31). Comments are for clarifying and improving the question; please don't use them for other purposes.

(can be seen in action at interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/9224/…)

Tinkeringbell

measures by now having voting shouldn't that read 'not having voting'?

Mithrandir

Yes. It should. Too late to edit though :/

Catija

@Mithrandir For you, maybe... :P

Mithrandir

@Catija puppy eyes

Catija

@Mithrandir Tell me what you want it to say and I'll fix it.

Mithrandir

8:54 PM

quality measures by now having --> quality measures by not having

Catija

Done

Tinkeringbell

@apaul question? I'm taking a look at that site you sent yesterday (with chewy jewelry?) Is there an official difference between stimming and fidgeting?

Mithrandir

@Catija Thanks! :D

I was going to insert this but apparently it wasn't necessary ;)

Catija

I figured out the typo before you pointed it out...

apaul

@Tinkeringbell Dunno... I suppose it's a matter of why you're doing it and how much control you have over it?

Tinkeringbell

9:01 PM

@apaul Just curious because some things are advertised with stimming and others with fidgeting ;)

Mithrandir

Can you please explain exactly *why* you think that this is a good idea? Why do you say to take this course of action? What’s the thought process behind this answer? As this currently stands, this is essentially a “Try this!” answer, which are not considered as conforming to our quality standards on Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange.

apaul

@Tinkeringbell Toys probably suit both cases, so the words are probably interchangeable there ;)

Mithrandir

Can someone please fix up the grammar a bit in this meta post?

I want to link it in an auto-comment I'm trying to write, but I don't want to link it with a grammatically incorrect title :P

Opinions?

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir Done, pleased?

Mithrandir

@Tinkeringbell yep; thanks!

(also @cat would that be worth adding a faq tag to?)

Tinkeringbell

9:09 PM

@Mithrandir Looks good, I should really try to get that up and running sometime

@apaul That's sorta disappointing :P

apaul

@Tinkeringbell why's that?

Tinkeringbell

@apaul I was expecting to learn something new and interesting ;)

apaul

Stimming

Self-stimulatory behavior, also known as stimming and self-stimulation, is the repetition of physical movements, sounds, or repetitive movement of objects common in individuals with developmental disabilities, but most prevalent in people with autism spectrum disorders. It is considered a way in which people with autism and others calm and stimulate themselves. Therapists view this behavior as a protective response to being overly sensitive to stimuli, with which the individual blocks less predictable environmental stimuli. Sensory processing disorder is also given as a reason by some therapists...

There you go :P

Catija

@Mithrandir Not following conversation... you'll need to be a bit more specific... or flag.

Tinkeringbell

@apaul I did google that ;) Just wondered what made it different from fidgeting ;)

Mithrandir

9:15 PM

@Catija The meta questions about "What should I do?" questions.

Catija

Along with getting a snow day from work, Ben also gets one from school, so we're a bit busy.

Sorry... "Snow day"... :/

Extroverted Main Man

10:56 PM

0

Q: What's the etiquette for posting a webcomic on your site?

Say I find a particularly interesting web comic and I want to discuss it on my blog. The feature is the comic, so I want to add it as an image (rather than just providing a URL). I know that hotlinking someone else's image is bad, because they're paying for the network bandwidth of hosting the im...

etiquette online-interaction

Mithrandir

11:40 PM

@ExtrovertedMainMan seems off topic to me

Catija

@Mithrandir Eh... I think it depends on whether we want to really be in the etiquette game... and whether there is such a thing in this case.

ArtOfCode

I think there is etiquette around it... but it's kinda boring

my take would be "just go ahead and hotlink" - if the author doesn't want you to hotlink then there'll either be hotlink protection, or they'll find you and ask you to stop, at which point you can replace it with a link

maybe de-monetize pages hotlinking external sites

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