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6:00 PM
At least it's relatable?
 
@TheSnarkKnight I think it's fine
ish
apaul's edits made it more fine
 
@Magisch I just tried to fix the grammar. I'm guessing that it was an English as a second language issue. It could use some more editing I think?
 
could use a title edit to focus more on IPS and a problem statement edit to also focus more on IPS
 
@Magisch True... I didn't want to risk deviating from the author's intent, so I tried to avoid any major changes.
IMO you'll need to decide on (and specify) the outcome you're looking for yourself, and probably pick a more specific situation rather than trying to include all of family gatherings in the question (I'm guessing the main focus here is questions like "are you dating anyone?"). Although it sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too, i.e. open up without opening up. — NotThatGuy 2 mins ago
Not sure if I should response to this... Is this bait or constructive criticism?
 
@apaul He's got a point... React to the point, don't take the bait?
 
6:09 PM
@Tinkeringbell hmm?
 
Like, what we just discussed here, it sounds like you want to be able to talk to the 'cool' family normally, but don't want the 'bad' ones to overhear and start ranting on you?
Its sorta missing explicitly right there?
So, when one of the cool guys asks 'what have you been up to' you want to be able to tell them you're dating, and if they ask further to have a nice convo?
All without the bad ones interrupting?
 
@Tinkeringbell Not exactly. I'd rather be genuine with all of them, but do it gently enough to not stir drama.
 
(that's how I read the question anyways, after you told me about people being cool and not cool about it in the same room)
@apaul That makes it a lot harder...
Not invalid, just harder...
 
Not sure if that's a realistic goal, but it would be ideal?
 
@apaul Yeah, definitely :)
:P
Like I wish I was able to just join the gossip at birthdays :P
(but worse)
 
6:16 PM
Is the goal really unclear or too opinion based?
 
But anyways... I think the 'dating question' part can use some clarification? Are they really asking about love life? Since 'what have you been up too' can also be answered with 'work' :P
Meh, don't worry about that close-vote... just start improving :P
 
@Tinkeringbell True... But that is an evasion that's usually followed by something like "what else have you been up to?"
 
@apaul Hmm... true... So, they basically are 'fishing' for love life details?
 
@Tinkeringbell more fishing for life details. Like I said at the bottom, they want to have a genuine relationship. I guess it just feels awkward filtering for their comfort levels?
 
Hmm... I would just change the last sentence to something like 'how to navigate such questions'?
(they aren't asked only during holidays, are they? :P
And edit in the categories of family reactions you get...
because it's still hangin there in the comments
And I would emphasize the question asked and that deflecting doens't work and that you feel awkward filtering for their comfor levels?
 
6:25 PM
It kinda seems like the people who have the personal experience to answer a question like this get it, and those that don't have the experience don't get it and likely won't get it with or without more specificity...
 
yeah... we're just being typical...
:P
But, imagine you would have never ever gone to church...
Would you be able to understand the feeling of tranquility a believer experiences when praying?
 
Not trying to be harsh about it, but some questions need answers from people who have lived through it.
 
I mean, you have been answering my barrage of questions and helping me understand...
@apaul Hey, I haven't written up an answer yet, because I'm too boring for it :P
 
@Tinkeringbell Possibly? There are many ways to reach that kind of tranquility. Some people meditate in a forest instead of praying in a church.
 
@apaul Some people are gay instead of queer :P
 
6:29 PM
Not saying they're the same, but the related feelings can be similar.
@Tinkeringbell yup
 
True... but that's like the difference mentioned above.... I'm straight, so I've never experienced any of that....

Just like someone that never meditated, prayed or whatever doesn't understand that tranquility
 
I can relate
my family gets at times violently unhappy with my complete disinterest in a relationship
 
But anyway.... think about the edits I suggested, they may answer that users points...
 
@Magisch That's kinda what I was getting at... With some questions, you relate or you don't. There isn't really a good way to write some questions so that they'll be relatable for everyone without losing the point of the question and making it way too broad.
 
Although my way of dealing with it is unapplicable for you
 
6:35 PM
@Magisch how do you deal with it?
 
@apaul I cut contact with 3 extended family members and threatened to with 2 more
 
@Magisch I've considered that, most of my friends have had to go down that road.
 
I'm not in the business of appeasing my third cousin because they can't accept I don't want to be married with kids at 25
 
@Magisch Ya, sounds like you can relate lol
@Magisch it gets messy when they're in the habit celebrating with the entire family...
 
I'm lucky in that regard my aunt is quite supportive and she organizes all these events
 
6:50 PM
I didn't get married until I was 32. :)
 
@Catija marriage is a wonderful institution, but who really wants to be institutionalized ;)
 
Hey... I'm allowed to prefer monogamy. ;) Balancing one relationship at a time is easier.
 
@Catija I prefer monogamy too. Poly was fun, but it's too much work :P
 
Oh, look... we agreed on something;)
 
@Catija I prefer none
 
6:54 PM
@Magisch Least work. Lucky you lol
 
@Magisch that's ok, too. There's lots of things in life to strive for that aren't centered around creating a family.
 
It's hard to gauge the response to these questions... +4 -2 at the moment, but I'm not sure if the downvotes are about the question's quality...
 
You're overthinking it, I think. But I haven't read the question yet.
 
Well, one advantage this thanksgiving. I won't be arguing with family... :/
 
If you're missing it, you can come argue with mine so I don't have to.
 
7:05 PM
15
Q: A friend killed my car. What now?

JolenealaskaI had a 2001 Oldsmobile Aurora that I paid $1100 for one year ago. It was a very nice car, even though it was 16 years old. I have MS and driving has become kind of scary; I feel I am a danger to myself and everyone else on the road. So, when a new friend's ("Dan's") car broke down (hopelessly) ...

Whenever I see that, my first impression is "A friend killed my cat".
 
Though, my current family gathering is my mom, dad, his husband, their two cats, and Andy, Bennett and me.
@AnneDaunted this would be quite sad. Bacon is a nice kitty.
 
I get really irrationally angry when I see people mistreating or injuring cats
Like I-want-to-strangle-you angry
 
@Catija Yes, it would really be :-(
 
@Catija you named your cat "bacon"?
 
@Catija my family is.... gone
 
7:07 PM
@apaul No. Jolene did.
 
?
 
A friend of mine named his cat "pudding"
puddin'
 
@apaul the person who asked the question.
 
not pudding, dang autocorrect
 
One of my aunts has a cat named myla
the nicest of cats
 
7:08 PM
Hmmm... We never had a cat... but our guinea pig was named nico and our rabbit zoey
 
@TheSnarkKnight Sometimes family is where you find it. Not sure if that makes sense... Just tryin to say that you can always adopt people or be adopted by people.
 
I had a parakeet, tweety :P
 
@Tinkeringbell You should get a cat
Cats are the lifeblood for antisocial people :D
 
@apaul What about "How do I navigate family holidays when I'm LGBTQIA?" to make it sound more like a question?
 
@Magisch Meh... I'm going to get a snake.... saves on cleaning, mom won't visit then :-)
 
7:09 PM
Snakes can also be nice
 
@AnneDaunted I really hope he isn't all of that at once! :P
 
Unless you get a big python, then its much more work then a cat
 
@Tinkeringbell geckos are easier and they eat bugs instead of mice...
 
@apaul it's funny, my mother would always adopt people from her church who didn't have anywhere to go.
 
@TheSnarkKnight Andy's father died of Alzheimer's the day before my son's first birthday. :( I'm sorry for your loss and I commiserate with you. The process of early onset Alzheimer's is awful.
 
7:10 PM
@apaul I can handle mice :P I dislike bugs more :P
 
tbh if I ever get alzheimers I'm going to jump off a bridge
unless there's a surefire cure by then
 
@AnneDaunted does the title strictly have to be worded as a question?
 
@Magisch Make sure got get a second and third opinion first
 
@apaul No, just a suggestion, nothing more.
 
There was a doc here that diagnosed people wrong.... some committed suicide while 'nothing' was wrong with them!
 
7:11 PM
One of my grandmas got it
she withered away over 3 years
It was miserable and heartbreaking to watch
 
@Magisch They are trying. It's really difficult to diagnose reliably before death, though.
 
@Catija yeah, not that there's ever a good time to die.
 
I don't blame people for committing suicide when they have alzheimers
You slowly lose your sense of self, everything that makes you as a person
 
@Magisch yeah, that happened to me when I combined a stroke with a nervous breakdown.
wound up with a brand new personality.
 
At least you got a personality back
 
7:14 PM
Yeah, but this one's obnoxious.
I remember the old me, but could never be him.
Quiet, shy, introverted.... just doesn't fit me now.
 
My mom's Alzheimer's/dementia set in relatively young. Runs in the family... Scares the shit out of me.
 
@apaul they can't cure it yet, but there are drugs that can significantly slow, and sometimes stop the progress.
 
@TheSnarkKnight Ya, I know.
So... Where's that other, lighter, subject? I know I left it around here somewhere...
 
@apaul I think it can go back.. you're queer, not everything else.
But to be sure, ask a mod .... @Catija?
Description of the edit makes no sense as well... Then either edit out the queer altogether (that would make it less incendiary btw, might help keep away the trolls if this hits hnq?)
Or leave it....
(@apaul just don't go reversing it right now, wait a few minutes for more feedback..)
@Tinkeringbell Yes, because I want to be honest, so this is a question for someone who doesn't have any excuses. — foggy 4 mins ago
Do we allow questions like that?
 
When you're referring to yourself it's generally fine to use a specific term. But I suppose broader more inclusive terms may help people in similar situations find the question... ?
 
7:29 PM
@apaul Seems like answers would depend on how you define yourself and you're specifically asking about "queer", not, say, trans or gay.
 
@apaul It has an lgbt tag...
 
I also wasn't aware that "queer" was somehow controversial.
 
I would have left queer....
 
@apaul you can roll that back.
 
@Catija true-ish "queer" tends to be a broader term though.
 
7:30 PM
@Catija, can it be that the user just used the edit message to say 'queer' is incendiary?
 
@Tinkeringbell it's not. We have had people doing that in TWP as well.
 
Like, comments/answers get deleted, let's use the edit message?
 
We had the "pronoun police for a while too"
 
Okay... just a 'bad case' of political correctness then? :P
I'm gonna roll it back?
@apaul?
 
@Tinkeringbell dunno... but it's gone now.
 
7:32 PM
@Tinkeringbell I'll take care of it
 
@apaul Snark beat you to it :P
 
I'm fast ;)
 
Just saw that
 
@Catija Better :)
(I think at least...)
0
Q: How to say you already want to leave the party decently (you're just bored)?

foggyIt's a minor social party for friends and it doesn't go very well. You've been there for an hour or two and it's not really lightening up. You want to go home but have no pragmatic reasons, you just don't enjoy the party anymore. But of course, it would be rude just to disappear, especially if th...

 
I got into an edit war a few months back. Someone kept changing everything to "they" because they didn't like he or she, when I was explicitly referring to a he or she.
 
7:34 PM
I think that one has improved with the edit?
 
"Queer" can be incendiary... It is a reclaimed term, but it's pretty widely accepted.
 
@apaul Okay, so I'm not going to have to be 'offended' if someone calls it an incendiary word?
 
@apaul I'm not comfortable with it myself, but I don't vandalize people's posts over it.
 
@Tinkeringbell better, but I think it needs more context.
 
Er, I will admit to a berserk button myself. I grew up hearing impaired, LD, brain damage to my neuromotor center, and poor. Then I had the stroke and became homeless for a while and someone called me "entitled".... yeah, I got a bit cranky on that one.
 
7:38 PM
@TheSnarkKnight everyone has their buttons.
That's a big part of the reason I try to discourage people from deliberately pushing them ;)
Is there a specific formula for hot network questions?
Just wondering if/how one could avoid having a question hit the list...
 
@apaul Don't get too many upvoted too fast.
(and answers)
I think.
If you want to avoid things hitting hnq, you might want to consider posting them on weekends, things are definitely calmer then...
 
@Tinkeringbell that's what I've been doing, but Thanksgiving is tomorrow lol
 
@apaul I can already see it's a bit calmer in here than usual ;)
 
@apaul there literally is, yes.
 
0
Q: How do I discuss the morality of fur with a friend?

Juan NaymI think that fur is terrible and not moral at all, she thinks it's alright. I don't wanna force my opinion down on her, just want to motivate her to do research and maybe think about my views.

0
Q: How to handle leadership saying, "we have been over this"

Jeff.ClarkI am a contractor (software development) that is currently in contract with a small business--about 6 employees. There is one project manager and one owner of the business. Both of those people seem to like the phrase, "we have been over this", or, "please refer to the original documentation" whe...

 
7:47 PM
72
A: How do the "arbitrary hotness points" work on the new Stack Exchange home page?

David FullertonBasically what's documented here: What formula should be used to determine "hot" questions? We have a few tweaks: Succeeding questions from the same site are penalized by increasing amounts. So, the first question from SO in the list gets multiplied by 1.0, the second by 0.98, the third ...

 
@apaul it's still better to not be able to have your buttons pushed. People can push mine once. then when I realize..... I remove the button.
 
@Catija Ah thanks?
 
@apaul ? Should be explained in that answer?
 
0
Q: Why does every "good" answer here have to involve somebody saying something to somebody else?

ab2Part of interpersonal relationships is knowing when to say nothing. Sometimes there is no polite way to say what you want to say. A recent example is this question How can I politely tell a family who invited me for dinner that I'm still hungry?. In this case, it was not a one-time experience,...

 
What's with the 2-line questions here lately?
@apaul Btw, if you think it needs more context, could you leave some specific questions for the OP to answer? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/7078/… I sorta like the question :)
 
7:57 PM
@Catija I think I get the jist of it. More about number of votes and answers over time adjusted for site traffic?
 
@apaul number of answers and how many upvotes they get in a short period of time.
 
@Catija Not quite
 
With a slight penalty for each additional question from the same site.
 
Number of answers, views and score questions get, the longer the frequency keeps steady / increasing, the longer it stays
So it starts of really popular, it burns out.
 
Views have zero weight in the HNQ stats.
 
7:59 PM
@Tinkeringbell just thinking that the kind of party it is makes a big difference...
 
TIL then
 
@apaul minor social pary?
doesn't make sense?
 
@Tinkeringbell with who and for what?
@Tinkeringbell birthday, wedding, just drinks with friends?
 
0
Q: How to convince a group of friends to ban a topic?

VylixMy close friend is a very dominant (DISC) person. Last time, he bashed my ex-high school when we hang out with some friends. He had valid points, and I had admitted it, but nevertheless, I asked him to stop because I take pride in my high school's experience. He refused to stop, saying that he's...

 
@Magisch Possibly confusion between HNQ and the uh... user reach?
 
8:01 PM
@apaul Oh, like that... sounds like drinks with friends to me... but don't go asking me, please ask the OP?
 
I forget what that's called.
 
@Tinkeringbell you asked me :P
 
@apaul Yeah true.... :P Because I didn't see the comment pop up!
The word "Ban" is very interesting. How about I banned you from complaining about his "stating the facts"? This could go downhill very quickly. You might ask them, as a personal favor, to drop the topic as you're well aware of the arguments and facts, however banning a group of people from discussing something? That's an interesting mix of delusions of grandeur, as well as autocratic tendencies. — AndreiROM 11 mins ago
Does that last bit make it rude?
 
@Tinkeringbell Ya... The whole thing seems a little harsh. And more of a soapbox than anything.
 
8:18 PM
@apaul I would refrain from re-editing that
 
I think that's a hint :P You might want to edit the body? It is basically what you're asking :)
'navigate the holidays' IS a lot broader than that...
 
@Magisch Just seems a little personal at this point...
 
Titles being questions is good...
 
It's actually not a bad edit
Putting the problem statement in the title is more representatitve and generally encouraged
 
And your question isn't the only one he edited.
 
8:19 PM
 
Just so... pedantic...
 
@apaul I was actually thinking of picking up my editing, but reactions like that are keeping me back :/
 
There's nothing wrong with editing when they edit really helps the post, just avoid nitpicking.
 
Phone battery dead... sorry, y'all.
 
@Catija Ooohh noo!!!! Sleep well :P
 
8:21 PM
@apaul I think you need to let go
Shog is trying as hard as you do to make this site a success
 
Shog is investing time in this place, which is good. That means he thinks it's worth saving.
 
@apaul Yeah... but I think that's a good edit, not nitpicking... so If I have to be afraid of that every time....
 
Shog does NOT waste his time, or allow it to be wasted
 
I know, I know
 
Btw, I'm curious as for the reasons of these edits.... Is there something we have to keep in mind when writing titles @Shog9?
 
8:25 PM
@apaul try to see people's motives as positive. It makes life easier. I was so bitter in my 20s before life hit me in a freight train. Now, I have reason to be bitter, but I'm not. Strange how that is. Anyway.... just tryin' to help you avoid some of the mistakes I made
 
@TheSnarkKnight meh, I used to be an optimist, then a pessimist, then I realized that the glass was just built to the wrong spec.
Also... And I know it shouldn't matter, but every question title starting with the word "how" kinda bugs me. Been trying to get away from that convention.
 
Stupid charging cable was broken. Phone charge kept going down despite being plugged in... found a different one.
 
@Catija Yay
Anyway...
 
8:44 PM
@Tinkeringbell yes, two things:
1. try to set an example for others: the best guide to using a site is what is already there.
 
@Tinkeringbell the comment has now popped up.
 
and #B
Nov 18 at 19:17, by Shog9
@Tinkeringbell pretend you're a passing reader with Many Opinions but no special training or experience as a mediator or sociologist. You see a question... Can you answer it? Does it touch on some area of your personal experience? How do you determine these things?
 
I wonder
is editing out hyperbolic / tensive language in titles or questions encouraged?
Like, are we supposed to counteract HNQ bait, or embrace it?
 
Especially when a question is new, be as specific as possible. If it turns out there's a general-purpose answer for all sorts of related scenarios, you can always go back later and edit a question to make it more general - but it's super hard to disambiguate a thread that's attracted answers to 5 tangentially-related questions.
@Magisch ...you gotta ask that?
 
@Shog9 When doing that at TWP people get upset
Sometimes you just know that a phrase or something in a question gives it that air of tension that'll all but ensure it hits HNQ and blows up
 
8:48 PM
people get upset about stupid things everywhere. If they throw a tantrum, let 'em have their way, but don't let the presence of such people prevent you from trying to make the site better.
 
@Magisch hmm...
 
Even if you don't personally believe it, pretend this is a site for people with real problems who want real solutions and aren't just trolling for responses. And with what little time you care to spend on it, try to make the questions reflect that. Maybe... Eventually it will attract more of them.
 
@Shog9 If I personally believed this was all trolls and no substance, why would I participate at all?
I'm young but my time is valueable too (to me :P)
 
Ya, I'm out, y'all have fun with that.
 
I don't know what you believe or why you're here. I'm choosing to assume at least some of you are, even when you demonstrate otherwise.
hanlon's razor & all that
 
8:50 PM
@Shog9 That sounds like you have a lot of disdain for us here tbh
 
Finally, avoid stupid edit wars. If you're gonna go back and edit someone else's edit, try to make the result better than all the previous revisions. Don't go back and forth over nonsense.
 
I'm sure thats not the intention but
It sounds that way
I still reckon that comment from MSE from a year or so ago you made about me participating in the workplace. Between all that it sounds like you're not a fan of these "soft skill" sites. And between calling them aberrations. What gives?
I might just be nitpicky and overreacting though ...
 
@Magisch take it however you want it. I read the backscroll before I joined to answer Tinkeringbell's question, and I'm not impressed by what I saw.
Lead by example or don't pretend to lead at all.
and with that, I'm out - got pies to bake.
 
Ok, so tell me. What is it you were not impressed by?
Not having concrete feedback makes it hard to improve :/
 
You celebrating Thanksgiving? Have a nice day tomorrow then :)

(I get it, the queer should have been removed from the title, no bait. Not edited back in). Just feels a bit strange to do (especially with my 'background', it would feel like censoring such topics instead of being constructive...)... But I'll remember. Thanks for the feedback!
 
8:56 PM
I would guess but I'm usually wrong.
 
(Btw, I was thinking of a title like 3,2,1 ... HAPPY NEW YEAR and goodnight! for my next question... that's probably no good either then... And I was soo proud of coming up with that one
 
@Tinkeringbell ugh, no, I don't care whether "queer" is in the title unless someone's using it as an insult. I changed that to make the title scan. The problem with the original title was that it boiled down to "how do I deal with <scenario>" which isn't a specific question; you had to read through the whole body to figure out what the specific problem was.
 
@Tinkeringbell I think more that there was an edit that implied the title was problematic and , instead of rolling it back we should have improved it. We're not here to quibble over little stuff like that, we need to focus on the question.
 
and thanks, I'll do my best ;-)
 
@Shog9 Okay, that's a better point ;-)
I can easily live with that :P
 
9:00 PM
Happy thanksgiving @Shog9
 
Goodnight everybody!
 
@Catija could you do something about this guy? He won't stop.
@Flater That's what makes answering this question difficult. IMO you managed to do that, this answer not so much and instead of trying harder after my initial comment the author decided to argue with me about language. — Oleg 2 mins ago
 
9:17 PM
@TheSnarkKnight Please start with taking a look at yourself.
 
@Oleg Now, what you are doing is bordering on harassment.
 
@TheSnarkKnight Really?
 
@Oleg what is your problem?
 
Don't have one, just trying to use SE.
 
hi
 
9:22 PM
Can we please stop the flagging?
 
Is this now war of the flags? If you guys cant get along stop talking to each other and take a step outside and catch some fresh air.
 
please dont turn this into a flag fest
 
doing well, don't you?
 
just drop it
chat is not the place to bicker at each other
 
@Magisch why, the rules encourage flags
 
9:22 PM
Noplace is the place to bicker. All interactions are expected to be polite.
 
@Oleg, @TheSnarkKnight: We'd strongly recommend you take a break. Chat isn't for personal disputes of this sort.
 
the flags aren't the issue
 
 
the content generating them is
take a chill pill
and don't engage in heated arguments please
 
those fellows might be suddenly feeling uneasy
 
9:23 PM
Also, please don't use flags for content you disagree with, unless it's genuinely offensive.
 
@bwDraco why?
 
@bwDraco I flagged it, because it is not something to be discussed in chat.
No other reason
 
see
 
@JarkoDubbeldam If there's an ongoing dispute and the current members of the room are unable to resolve it, use a moderator attention flag instead of a spam/offensive flag.
 
will do
 
9:25 PM
Interpersonal skills at its best
 
@Magisch The red or the blue one? :)
 
@bwDraco just trying to get rid of a stalker.
 
Regular spam/offensive flags pull in 10k users across the entire chat server. If you have a dispute like this, a mod attention flag will draw less unnecessary attention and get the right people in to address the issue.
 
1 this! well im outa here, enough diamond stuff around :D
 
I just mean
 
9:27 PM
@bwDraco sorry, relatively new to chat
 
no escalating pls
chat is supposed to welcome people not be for heated discussions
 
@TheSnarkKnight What am I supposed to do about comments like that?
 
For disputes about the main site, use flags on that site. They will reach a moderator there for sure, and it doesn't cause any unnecessary attention like chat flags in here do
 
Is that justifies flagging as offensive?
 
@TheSnarkKnight Better to flag them for a moderator rather than publicly flagging in chat
 
9:28 PM
To raise a mod attention flag on chat, open the dropdown menu for the message in question by clicking the downward menu to the left of the message and select flag for moderator.
 
@Oleg oh you did nothing wrong
 
@bwDraco K, sorry.
 
What did I miss?
 
@Abyx I didn't ask a moderator in chat to "do something" and I didn't call anybody any names.
 
For obviously bad stuff, yes, use a regular chat flag, but if there's an ongoing dispute and the messages aren't obviously offensive, a mod flag is better.
 
9:29 PM
@bwDraco got it
 
Some people just don't quit
@JarkoDubbeldam this will be interesting, no dobut.
 
@JarkoDubbeldam I'm waiting to see if we have a dogpile.
I gotta go.... too much today.
 
@Oleg Are you asking Snark a question there, or are you asking the room moderators how to respond to Snark's message?
 
@MetaEd Was asking (not him) if this is something I should flag as offensive.
 
9:37 PM
@Oleg If it is a rude or offensive comment, it's best to flag it so it can be reviewed and possibly removed by a room moderator.
 
@MetaEd lies, it'd be reviewed by some random 10k users
RO won't see the message if they're not active at the moment
 
I reviewed the flagged comments. It wasn't obviously offensive so I wound up ignoring the flag. When I took a closer look, it was apparent that it required more specialized attention than just the community at large. 10Kers aren't equipped to deal with disputes like this; we typically mark flags valid only in cases where the content is offensive when viewed in isolation.
The chat flag handling UI for 10k users provides virtually no context, and from what I can tell, spam/offensive flags are not meant for disputes of this sort. It's for flagrantly bad content.
 
@Oleg If you're unsure what kinds of messages qualify for offensive flags, it might be a good idea to post on Interpersonal Skills Meta to get input from the IPS community and especially the moderators. (Personally I don't think that message warrants an offensive flag, but that's just my opinion.)
 
Flags that get 10k user attention also get diamond mod attention. Which is how I ended up here.
 
Yeah, I think that since the topic was very much related to IPS, it's best to leave it for its mods
 
9:42 PM
@MetaEd only multiple flags
 
I just didn't realise the flags would ping everybody else
 
As such, if there's a personal dispute or other serious issue in chat and the individual messages are not obviously spam or offensive in isolation, it's best to use a mod attention flag instead of a regular chat flag.
Alright then, I will be stepping back for a bit.
 
Thanks for the explanation guys, useful information (I didn't raise any flags but still useful to know).
 
OK. I'm coming late to this exchange. I did some reading on it.
Here are some ideas:
If you disagree with someone, politely state your case -- ONCE.
Repeat: ONCE.
There is no point in arguing with someone after you stated your case.
If you are the one typing a response to a response, then you are at fault for being augmentative.
Being argumentative is a form of rudeness. There are exceptions I am sure but I am speaking in general terms.
So please ... If you find yourself as a participant in a running disagreement: PLEASE DESIST.
 
@Abyx Do you have a source for that? I've tried but can't find one.
 
9:50 PM
@MetaEd nope, but I've never seen a lone flag bringing a mod. On the other hand I've seen many flags making a modfest.
could be a coincidence / urban legend
 
10:20 PM
@Abyx We (mods) often tend to assume someone else will take care of the flags. Only when there are multiples does it become clear that they aren't being handled by someone else, and then several mods may all simultaneously think "oh, I should check on that to make sure it doesn't get out of hand".
That's my hypothesis for why you only see a bunch of mods come in when there are multiple flags, if that is the case
 
 
1 hour later…
11:31 PM
@Mithrandir definitely a valuable interpersonal skill...
 
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