The Awkward Silence

Q: "View Vote totals" without 1000 rep

@EmC pssst... you can see vote counts without a 1000 rep:

122

Screenshot About The vote counts are a great tool to determine whether an answer is disputed or not. Unfortunately, not many of us have enough time to join all Stack Exchange websites and get 1000 reputation. This script unlocks the "View Vote counts" feature for those who are not logge...

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HDE 226868

6:11 AM

@TheSnarkKnight The system should get that one soon enough, I think.

Q: How can I tell my friend I don't like the state of our friendship?

7:21 AM

1

A little background: I'm attending a large university in an English-speaking western country I live on the international campus There are about a hundred international student at the residence I befriended an Asian girl who was always eating alone during dinner time. She could not even speak a ...

friends

really quiet here

7:43 AM

There's a notable absense of tinkeringbell :/

where is she?

:(

last seen 24 minutes ago

I wonder why she isn't active in the chat

She's probably just busy.

I'm currently getting annoyed because I got soaked >.<

downpour?

7:51 AM

Yup.

Well, at least I'm home now and can change my clothes.

8:06 AM

@Mithrandir No umbrella?

@AJ I was on my bike. And an umbrella wouldn't help anyway, with the wind :/

@Magisch She might be busy. The IT field has always been so.

@AJ usually around this time she's commuting

:stalking intensifies:

Now you're getting creepy

Oct 30 at 9:05, by Tinkeringbell

I'm off to take the bus, for another 20 minutes. Once I've had my coffee or tea, I'll be back online :P

8:19 AM

@Magisch we could make you a RO and then stalk you instead

@Mithrandir I'm too uninteresting to be stalked

I'm the ambien of stack exchange. Annoying and when not annoying, utterly inconsequential

like a fly

@Magisch well apparently I stalk you, so apparently not ;P

Also, mods don't make ROs I think

so if anyone makes someone else RO, it's got to be tinkeringbell, I think

I can make anyone a RO.

And remove any ROs.

I have all the powers that a RO has, and more.

So like

I'll refresh your page

Feeds

8:24 AM

Mithrandir has added Magisch to the list of this room's owners.

Mithrandir has removed Magisch from the list of this room's owners.

hey now

its not a toy

Magisch has feelings you know :(

@JarkoDubbeldam that is correct

@Mithrandir I know you can, but you won't

@Magisch at least, not for more than a few seconds :P

You should now that I have an unquenchable thirst for meta and hoard factoids about the inner workings of SE like a dragon hoards gold

8:27 AM

@Magisch sure. I'm the same ;)

64 more remaining for the next privilege.

9:28 AM

It went silent suddenly.

Q: Top reasons why a sociable partner would cut conversation

0

Please help me I am somewhat stuck. My partner is a sociable person that tends to talk a lot with everyone. Recently she had stopped taking to me although we live together and spend most of the time together. When I talk to her she tells me to shut up. And she is pregnant. NOTE: Overall she seem...

conversations

@ExtrovertedMainMan Hmm, I hope this edit helps the question a bit

gotta love xmas music on the radio

Q: Unappreciated effort leads to falling out

10:02 AM

-2

I'm in my late twenties and my brother is in his late teens. He has always been a skinny kid so recently we decided that I would be taking over his physical development. He explicitly told me that he wanted to get bigger and would be willing to follow my guidance. I set up a system where I'd be ...

conflict-aversion

@JarkoDubbeldam I have someone at work who has that on ALL the time

10:30 AM

My workplace has a very strict no music rule

We're supposed to all work in absolute silence in the offices

@Magisch okay... that's a little too strict IMO

We used to be a part of a bigger office

so we couldn't use radio

but now we moved into our own room

Mithrandir24601

@Magisch Hmph. Go to any experimental physics department. There's bound to be someone playing metal (or similar) in at least one lab :P

We have headsets here, this allow to listen to music, but mainly to isolate yourself from ambiant sounds/chit chat when you wish to focus on something

10:45 AM

@Tensibai Headsets aren't allowed here either

Seriously? Why?

In fact, besides marketing, nobody in the company is allowed to have any speakers or headsets

That's rude

Because we don't need sound to work and the bosses think people only get distracted

(I can understand speakers and that not everyone likes heavy metal, but headsets...)

As long as I don't go playing air guitar on my desk it should not bother someone :)

10:47 AM

we have a lot of very particular rules

@Magisch why is marketing allowed to do that?

one of them is absolutely no flextime

you start 8.00 and end 16.30 and there are no exceptions

Marketing I guess because taking a lot of calls, so they'll have their hands free

@Termatinator because they have to make and edit videos

hmm guess not

10:50 AM

We are allowed to use headset, but you can only listen to music from your phone or other music player device.

jeez... I'm allowed to work in my break so I can leave early

We're not allowed to listen to songs online.

@AJ why not online?

internet bills

@Termatinator Yeah, we have the same policy here. But if you don't want to work in break, you will stay longer for the time being.

@Termatinator Use of internet that is not for work, but for entertainment.

10:51 AM

I can even come early and leave early

Company doesn't pay internet bills for your entertainment.

@AJ we are allowed to use it for everything

@Termatinator Same goes here, but we gotta tell this to our Team Lead and HR.

@Termatinator Well, only if you use it limited.

@AJ here not even limited, I can just use it

I can use it for other works too, like I am chatting right now. However, it is not for entertainment.

It's all good until you don't get caught.

10:55 AM

you mean "till you get caught"?

yes

If you use internet data too much, then you will be noticed.

well... that sucks

12:06 PM

@Mithrandir Hey, I was gone for a day and a half and you're already thinking I'm dead???

@Tinkeringbell nah, you're not dead

just MIA

@Magisch @JarkoDubbeldam @AJ I'm back :P

@Mithrandir Hah ;) I just needed some time apart. Might happen more often, it was quite satisfactory

(But it's nice to come back and see that people are missing me!)

@Tinkeringbell hah

Anyways... you've all become pretty lazy! :P interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/2153/1599

You're the only room owner

This is basicly your chat room

12:08 PM

@Magisch I thought Yvette was also still RO?

She still shows up as one

@Tinkeringbell Yvette is a mod, that doesn't count

@Magisch A mod on pets, not here

So counts for me

Any mod on SE has above-roomowner powers in any other chat on SE

@Tinkeringbell Honestly though, we don't know for sure what their actual question would be

So it would be presumptuous (sp) to assume

Also, I haven't seen Yvette in a while

I think she's been busy IRL

12:11 PM

I'm not a stalker I promise she discussed this in charcoal Yvette has a medical condition that makes it so she's not here so often anymore

I'm not looking for reasons tbh, just stating that she's not here a lot

one room owner seems to be enough though with all the mods floating around

that, and who else would be able to bear that responsibility here?

@JarkoDubbeldam It's a tough one :P

It's an anatomical impossibility, so to speak

12:15 PM

@Tinkeringbell YAY!!!

@Tinkeringbell Yeah, I was about to write a speech about you. ;-P

@AJ Why let this stop you?

Q: How can I tell my mom to not cause herself so much stress when I'm visiting?

1

Situation I visit my parents about one time per month, for one to two days. Sometimes I manage to visit them twice, in rare cases I have to skip a month. So we see each other in person regularly (and, for sure, during some holidays, but this is about the shorter visits.). They know that I can't ...

united-states parents approach

12:32 PM

@AJ Yeah, let's hear it! :P

@Tinkeringbell Are you related to @rene perchance?

He also has a flower avatar

@Magisch Don't think so... ;-)

And rene is even from the netherlands

the plot thickens....

Em C

12:47 PM

@NVZ neat, I didn't know about that. would be useful for other sites I lurk on :)

...jk it's not working for me :( probably the firewall, as usual

SmokeDetector

1:23 PM

[ SmokeDetector | MS ] Offensive answer detected: How to disassociate with an obnoxious, arrogant, selfish friend by Azul Shiva on interpersonal.SE (@Tinkeringbell @AJ @JarkoDubbeldam)

@SmokeDetector Nice, I just saw a rain of downvotes there! Good job @SmokeDetector!

@Mithrandir is there any need to give feedback to the bot whenever it posts detections like this?

not in here, but more feedback in Charcoal HQ doesn't hurt, but generally the Charcoal regulars have it covered

@Tinkeringbell gone before I could click flag

@Tinkeringbell In short succession: Glorfindel via FDSC, Mithrandir from FDSC and paper1111 from FIRE

1:25 PM

@AJ Hah, I even mentioned to sneak in a delete vote! :P

@Tinkeringbell please don't

@Mithrandir I know...

@Tinkeringbell Uhm.. no. You'll cry. :P Anyway, I was busy writing an answer to a Justice League question on M&TV.

Sorry, I forgot... My break was too long, I'll need a few moments to get back up to steam

<insert poorly thought out bell joke>

1:27 PM

@Magisch I nuked it, so....

Good morning folks. The flags are flying today.... :/

(i.e I was the 6th flagger)

Huh

FDSC?

Flag Dialog Smokey Controls

1:28 PM

@JarkoDubbeldam flag dialogue smokey controls, userscript

(a userscript that automatically feeds back on a post when you flag it if the post was reported by smoke detector)

ArtOfCode made it

The problem with this stack is not enough high-rep people to nuke the bad q and as

@TheSnarkKnight That bad? I've only been gone for a day and half or something..

Q and As

github.com/Charcoal-SE/userscripts/raw/master/fdsc/fdsc.user.js

1:29 PM

@Tinkeringbell You really tie the chat room together

> Flag Dialog Smokey Controls by ArtOfCode, angussidney, rene, and J F

There are currently 2 comments here asking for more clarification, does that warrant closing it again? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/7044/…

@Tinkeringbell It's amazing at just how a site about interpersonal skills attracts rude people.

@Magisch Meh, it's not that difficult. I'll be taking more breaks, y'all need to be able to fend for yourselves! :P

@TheSnarkKnight Hmm.... I've never been much around on other stacks, so I don't know whether this is common there as well... but yeah, our questions just leave a lot of opportunity

Yep, it is a lot harder to be rude to a piece of code

1:34 PM

I think we sometimes include too much opportunity in questions though... even though it might be just semantics :/

@JarkoDubbeldam at TWP, we have enough high rep users to stomp the rude ones into the ground, and we aggressively flag. It's going to take a while here before there is a rhythm that will allow the community to be more on top of things.

@Tinkeringbell most of the problems IPS has are simply related to it being new. Once this stack solidifies, it will be fine.

@TheSnarkKnight Hmhm

1:49 PM

wow, there seems to be an awkward silence in this room

really

I didn't notice

@JarkoDubbeldam I was reading 2 opinion pieces on that thingy that happened in Friesland while Sinterklaas arrived.... Fun to see how opinions differ ;)

ugh

@JarkoDubbeldam that too

Wrong time to make fun

2:03 PM

@Tinkeringbell Is that irony that you are the most social influence in this room?

Among the blind, the one eyed ones reign supreme

@Magisch Sorta, yeah... ;)

I had to go through official training, so... see it as 'having had eye surgery' :P

But I still think I might be a bit too much present here ;-)

@Tinkeringbell How come?

(although that wasn't why I took the break, it's one of those things I realised while on it. The site didn't come to a grinding halt, it can live without me :) )

@Magisch I was too awkward :P Didn't know when to shut up, when not. Didn't know how to give feedback. In general, I didn't exactly act like society expected me too, so there were a lot of communication problems between society and me

A teacher picked it up... we had to make tests, and although I always chose the 'politically correct' answer, she picked up that it differed from my actual behavior and sent me on a social skills training anyways

Hated it... but in hindsight, it worked :P

@Tinkeringbell I just always had garbage social grades

@Magisch You get graded? That's even worse :P

2:09 PM

By now I've memorized a whole lot of body language and tone to the point where people think I'm sociable but I'm totally not, I just got really good at faking it

We just had to make them so our teachers knew our 'development' was on track... never graded though, that would have been horrible!

"Yeah I can totally relate to that" (I can't and this conversation is boring me to death, but that's socially unacceptable to say right now)

@Magisch What do you think I'm doing :P

Some people know this stuff instinctively. I'm denser then a neutron star in that area and have had every single small snippet spelled out to me several times until I finally got it

@Magisch I can sorta pick things up instinctively now, but that took a few years to learn..

2:12 PM

@Magisch that can actually work to your advantage. You'll likely end up with a deeper understanding of things for the precise reason that they didn't come easily.

@TheSnarkKnight cold comfort when you need to fall on your face several times while everyone just walks on past

Metaphorically speaking

Q: Why was this question closed after the OP edited the missing details?

@Magisch it is also a fact that forcing yourself to "fake it" causes your brain to create neural pathways after a time. So, after you "fake it" long enough, it becomes real

@Magisch as you know, I have failed worse than and fallen harder than most. It does wonders for your fear of failure.

Introverted Meta Man.

2

Link to the question. I disagree with the closure of the question, but rather than arguing that point, I'm interested if there's something I'm missing that warrants this question to remain closed. Initially, the OP didn't actually ask a question, he only described the situation. While I conside...

discussion scope

0

Q: Why was this question closed/Opinion based to what extend on IPS.SE ok?

I just want to make it clear that it's not critique or a rant of some sort. I just want to understand why this question got closed because i did not find it to violate any IPS.SE rules to an extend to justify a closure. It is about this question: Long Response Times Before Texting Back It is ab...

discussion closed-questions

The only thing that makes me stand out it I get up just one more time.

2:42 PM

.... I've been back for 3 hours and already wrote 2 meta answers... I'll need another break!! :P

@Tinkeringbell Wait until you become moderator

Then you'll be here ... forever

@Tinkeringbell don't listen to him! Avoid becoming a moderator. IT'S A TRAP!

@TheSnarkKnight ok admiral snarkbar

Henry WH Hack v2.1

If he is admiral can I be general?

That was a star wars reference

Henry WH Hack v2.1

2:52 PM

Oh.

There was a character named "Admiral Ackbar" that coined the meme "It's a trap!". So I made a wordplay on @TheSnarkKnight 's name by calling him "Admiral Snarkbar" to also insinuate I knew where he was pulling that quote from

And now I've thoroughly ruined my joke that was lacking subtletly to begin with by explaining it

@Magisch that was funny! Thanks for the laugh, I needed it.

Come to the dark side. We have lots of meta posts and users calling for our heads.

the dark side has a frustratingly high bar to entry :p

@Magisch then come to the VBA side of the force, you'll only have troubles with the bar if you drag your feet.

2:58 PM

We don't have cookies anymore, @Tensibai ate them all

@TheSnarkKnight I already told you like half my job is vba maintenance coding

access 2003 vba maintenance coding

now this is something you can put in a cabinet of horrors

@Magisch I know ;0

@Magisch do you know what is the 8th plane of Hell? Re-coding an old VBA/Excel app that was being used as a database.

@TheSnarkKnight 9th plane of hell: into another vba environment with an already existing second, even more complicated, undocumented and spaghetti-fied codebase

Yes I know I should write horror fiction

salam namaste

@Magisch In the devil's mouth: AND you're told "This shouldn't take you long"

3:04 PM

@TheSnarkKnight "Can you have this done by tomorrow?" - My boss, last tuesday, about entirely rewriting the broken accounts recievable report system :p

@Magisch I tell you, when you go for your next job, you are going to be bullet proof.

Uh oh, everyone behave.... the mods are coming.

hey @Catija

Hey. Situation normal?

yes

I see Meta is fun this morning.

3:07 PM

@Catija You guys should really get some coverage in the european workday so you don't have to sweat bullets every time you get in chat that someone burned the site down :p

or started a meta plot to overthrow topicality

Q: How to make a weird guy stop touching me?

i see 4 delete votes here. is it that bad a question?

41

There is this guy in my class, who is well known to be "that weird guy" to have some dark stories, like those where he tried to get underage girls to send some pictures. For context, we are in Master Grade Class, and are all between 22-25. Well, he is there and it seems like he is trying really ...

saying-no harassment

@NVZ yes, it is that bad. It's not a social skill, it's a rant.

@TheSnarkKnight it's got answers... voted up bigly

@Magisch There's only 8 flags and two meta posts... We are talking about it ... trying to gauge if we agree with that. We've talked with the CMs and they don't seem overly concerned right now.

@Catija I don't think it's the volume that makes the difference

If people's flags sit for 10+ hours on the reg that has a negative effect on them wanting to flag, methinks

same for meta engagement

I could be wrong though. I'm new to small sites and used to the way SO does things where there isn't a time without an active mod.

3:13 PM

@Magisch what are you two talking abot?

@Magisch Is it pronounced Magic? Or Magish?

It's pronounced how you want to

it's the german word (adjective) for magical

@NVZ we get that at TWP too, which is WHY we delete them.

@Magisch how? There's nothing about moderation on SE that requires response within x hours. Mods don't rule Meta. It's not our job to answer all of the Meta questions. We implement what y'all decide you want unless you're asking for something.... uh... bad.

@Catija There's an irking feeling when you flag something and it takes hours to resolve

@NVZ Magisch's name depends on whether you're pronouncing it in the High German or not.

3:16 PM

Most notably comments

@Magisch So stop looking at your flags. Flag and move on.

Comments stay up all throughout the european workday unless we can muster flags to auto-delete them

Let it go.

@Catija so, then my suggestion for an electric shock through the keyboard for bad answers isn't likely to get approval?

@Catija I don't have issues with that. I'm still sitting on SO flags that are pending since mid october

Trevor Noah On German Language!

3:17 PM

@TheSnarkKnight this is how I see German language. LOL

►

Many of the comments y'all have been flagging recently are on really old posts.

There are scenarios where a prompt response can have very positive effects

@Catija yeah, but he has the flags, so....

Like pre-empting a comment war before it occurs

THIS ^^^^^

3:18 PM

or locking a post when people start to bicker

@NVZ German can make "I love you" sound threatening

Ich liebe dich!

on the workplace, mods are really good at being there in the precise time to stop the annoyed comment chain from escalating into a 30+ entry discussion complete with ragequits and meta posts

We don't do either of those things during the US day... very little moderation is time sensitive.

I'll take your word for it, then

@NVZ Tell someone you love them, because life is short. BUT shout it at them in German, because life is also confusing and scary.

3:20 PM

@Catija @Magisch one thing that TWP has is plenty of high-rep users who can, by themselves, slap down bad behavior.

this site isn't old enough for that yet

@Mithrandir ?

@TheSnarkKnight darn. Beat me to it

@TheSnarkKnight It's all about the inflection

Einkommenssteuererklärungspflichtige Einnahmen! (That is the incredibly long chain word for 'taxable income')

@Magisch yes, always remember to shout instead of scream ;)

@Magisch Yikes. Is that an actual word?

3:26 PM

@apaul it is

@apaul that's far from the longest in German. There is a reason why there are so many jokes about Germans not being able to use Twitter.

'Einkommen' = Income ; 'Steuer' = Tax ; 'Erklärung' = explaination (in this context: tax return) ; 'pflichtig' = mandatory ; 'Einnahmen' = income (broader sense)

A: Parents forgiven someone who insulted them - can I be angry at them?

-5

"Now I am pretty annoyed at my parents (only parents) for simply forgiving (more of forgetting part is painful)" It's their life, and their choice as to how to react. You don't have the right to tell them what to do. "So can I be angry at them to make them realize their mistake?" You can be a...

Combines into 'income which is required to be declared on your income tax return'

or 'taxable income'

@NVZ research required then

3:31 PM

@Magisch Kinda reminds me of the time my friends and I got pulled over because my Russian friend gave a police officer the finger. The cop dragged him out of the car and demanded ID, stumbled over his last name a few times, then said "Damn son. You've got every letter of the alphabet in your name twice. Where the hell are you from?"

Ah the bad old days...

@apaul that reminds me when I was helping a friend move into a new place in Newark NJ.... Twenty minutes being questioned at the back of my car by two jacka...er, Law enforcement officers.

Apparently, they thought that white people shouldn't be in that neighborhood.

@TheSnarkKnight Ya, I used to get that a lot when I lived in "one of those neighborhoods."

@apaul I've never categorized people by any sort of label, so I'm often taken off guard when others do/

@TheSnarkKnight on second reading, it was actually quoting the question itself. my mistake.

@TheSnarkKnight I hate it, but I grew up in a largely segregated community, so it isn't all that surprising.

@TheSnarkKnight One of those places where the "wrong side of the tracks" was actually a thing.

3:40 PM

@NVZ That's in the hadith that's linked to in the question... so, it's safe to assume op believes it to be true

@apaul same thing from my home city. In fact, someone even spray-painted something on a railroad bridge, to that effect.

@Tinkeringbell yeah, i missed out reading the question before flagging the answer. i've now retracted my flag.

but i can't retract delete votes, so there's that.

note to self: look before you leap

@TheSnarkKnight I remember having to deal with curfews in my old neighborhood. Completely unconstitutional, but whenever "the heat was on" the cops would place an 11pm curfew and stop and frisk anyone on the street after that time.

@NVZ Nah, it should be gone. It's criticizing the Hadith, not honouring the premise of the question. I can't help but think it was written more to rant at the OP than with good intentions (sorry, I know I have to assume those).

I just read your chat message, and since I answered that as well, remembered what the Hadith was about... I didn't see that the answer really was that ranty!

Okay, time for a little mindgame! :P

> If the goal is finding out if expectations are too high AND the OP wants to know how to do this through an interaction with the girl, we have an IPS question.

Kinda seems pretty reasonable to not trust or cooperate when you have to live with that kind of stuff. Like it was a high crime/poverty area, but it always blew my mind that crack cocaine was bought and sold so openly, yet they're gonna shake guys down for walking home from work rather than setting up in front of the crack dealers house.

3:48 PM

I made this statement when answering a meta about 'opinion based'...

But on second thought

Is finding out if expectations are too high in itself an Interpersonal Skill (as in, intuitively recognizing signs or something?)

@Tinkeringbell Probably another one of those case by case things.

@apaul hmmm....but I like rules! :P

@Tinkeringbell @NVZ I flagged and voted to delete that one because it seemed to be much more about criticising Islam than about answering the question. The quote seemed to be little more than a version of "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me."