Over the past couple weeks, I have been particularly moody: ranging from sad to depressed to lonely.
It has always cheered me up when I am talking to someone in person or over text. Right now, I feel like I don't have any good friends (I am an introvert and so are most of my acquaintances).
The...
@Tinkeringbell the question does mention they fell through the cracks. It might be that they were involved but couldn't help (enough). Sadly it's not a magical solution.
@Ælis I don’t think there is one. The two following answers got me thinking, but I think yours gives enough reasons not to give up. I’m not a health professional, but I think he has PTSD, and there’s no way that’s gonna get better with hugs.
Well, Kevin's answer is really terrible IMO (rude and without back up). But I do like Arthur's one. It's very true that therapy won't help if he only goes there to please you. And, if he is really dead set on not wanting therapy, fixing problematic behavior is still something. I do believe you could try and apply both our answers
I am going for like over a year everyday with the same coworker to lunch. He introduced me to friends of him and for quite some time we are also playing regular PnP games with them. A few months ago, someone else joined our playgroup. Shes transsexual. Despite this was the first time I met someone transsexual, I just tried to treat them with respect to their preferred gender, and in regards that would be difficult for me I just avoided such situation.
Yesterday said coworker when we met for lunch just started the conversation with "Hey, did you know? Alice is having a date next weekend!". And for some reason it made me feel really awkward. We NEVER talked in the past year since having lunch break together a single time about who of our friends is having a date or that alike. So I felt like the only reason it was mentioned was due to Alice' transsexuality.
And joining that topic, was interfering with my intend of not treating Alice different from any other women. So I responded "Well, people having dates isn't that special, or is it?" What made my coworker then feel awkward, too... leading to a quite weird lunchbreak I had... v.v
Well, I'm sure today's lunch break will have forgotten that ;)
It's a bit awkward and weird, yes... but I don't think it'll cause any long term problems
@dhein The only thing I can imagine is that in this case, the date is a bit special, but I don't know if it's very hard for transgender people to get dates or not ;) There's other people that probably know :)
Yeah certainly. :) Just wanted to tell about it, to maybe get some feedback, if me finding that situation awkward maybe just was some sort of overreaction for what ever reason :) What you just gave me :)
@dhein Just FYI: from what I know people prefer the term "transgender" to "transsexual" as this latter has been used for years to dismiss nonbinary people and consider them sick
@dhein One other thing I can think of is that Alice may have been very, very excited about this. Enough so that your coworker thought you might also want to share in that feeling... But it's hard to say from this side of the internet cable ;)
People continuously make big deals out of a lot of things, so that's not so strange to me :P
@avazula Hm... yeah well to know. Most contact I had so far was with Germans. And when they talked to me, they introduced themself as "transsexuel" I think that might be, cause I can't think of a German term, "transgender" would translate well into. So I just used the term, I felt correct to use from German language. Thanks for letting me know.
@Tinkeringbell Fair point. And yeah Alice being a very easily excited person herself, that might very well be. But given that my coworker hasn't just got that info from Alice herself but was being told this by their friends already being second hand info... Dunno. '^.^
yeah... Probably thats actually the core of what made me feel awkward. I actually have an aversion about gossiping. Always asking myself "And how does it relate to me?!" And now you say it... yeah that pretty much was also what I was thinking yesterday '^.^
Oh @Ælis I was rereading the Farseer books yesterday. I had to laugh out loud when Fitz thought Molly would name her daughter after a flower, like Lilac or Rose or Marigold.
@Belle Ahah, yeah xD Though she could have named her "Rose" without changing the meaning too much "I love it, but it hurts"
@dhein "Transsexual" often refer to the medical transition (hormone and surgery). And, well, talking about what someone as between there legs is... well... mostly none of people business. That's why "transgender" is usually better as it does not refer to your genital. But yeah, if the person introduce themselves by saying "I'm transsexual" then it's fine to use the term.
@dhein Your answer can look a bit blunt although perfectly correct. Usually when people want to have a conversation about a topic I find uninteresting, I just respond with "uh, ok" and try to switch subject if I can (well I'm not very good at switching subjects but I try).
Maybe you made an unvolontary fixation to the fact she's trans. It's actually, as you said, irrelevant
@Ælis Now I was wondering why everyone I met in that regards introduced them self as transsexual then... So I just translated both terms into german... Wow... "transgender" literally translates into "der Transsexuelle | die Transsexuelle" What is nothing but "Transsexual person" ...
I'm not very familiar with German, but if it's anything like Dutch, the language tends to lag behind English in forming new words for concepts that didn't have suitable words before.
(I do kinda agree with dhein that if people introduce themselves as transsexual, it's not wrong to describe them as such in German ;) ) That said, this is an English chat, so maybe transgender is better here :)
@dhein I can imagine. Tink's advice seems good though - it's usually safe to call people what they call themselves. And if you're in doubt, you can always ask.
@CaldeiraG So no need to be sad then. I am the one who should be sad since I'm living in Paris :p But I'm thinking about moving to Lyon. I don't know yet. Finding a new job is exhausting for me
@dhein Better to be too careful than not enough :)
@Tinkeringbell We took public transport. It looked like there is a nice offer in transportation. Architecture is also nice. The center is crowded but that's the price of living in a big city. It sure feels better than Paris.
@Ælis Anything happened, that you are looking for being geographically closer to your family? Thought being not too close to them actually serves well for your mental well being :x
@dhein I was very very sick last week (I was very near to needed to go to the hospital) and absolutely unable to take care of myself and I had no one near to help take care of me. I really don't want to live something like that alone anymore
Also, Lyon is closer to my family but still at a "safe enough" distance (it's not like I want to move to the city they are living in)
@Belle McDonals has just a price guidance (I think thats what one would call it), so there are minimum and some sort of maximum prices the franchise gives you. But the idnividual pricess each restaurant can decide themself. My favorite example is, my old place where I lived, a McCHicken Menu was like 5.59€ (that was 10 years ago, tho). While when I visited Sylt where ther is a lot of tourism and wealthy people having vacations there. That same menu at that time was 8,79€ ^^
@Ælis I understand.
@Ælis Ahhhh ok. Was a bit confused. But thats now more understandable :P
@dhein I spend a week without eating and three of those crying none stop (probably because I was exhausted). You don't want to cry none stop alone. You want your loved one around when those kind of things happen
Another question to help clarify the OP: He said he went to therapy but it didn't help. Do you not believe this? If you do believe this, then why do you think that him going to therapy again will help this time, where it didn't before? — Aaron F9 mins ago
I'm not sure how to respond to that properly. I hope therapists help heal mental things.
> your wish to not lose someone does not trump their right to self-determination
I believe that when he asked for my hand in marriage, he made a promise to try and be there for me. He can't be there for me if he's, well, not there. I can't allow him to slowly destroy himself.
@Belle Yeah, comment to tend to have this kind of effect. My advice is: don't listen to them. If they have no backup, if they have never been in a similar situation before then there words are meaning less. You should listen to the people who have experience with this. Not the ones who only have opinions
I believe relationships are about being attached to the other and wanting the best for them, so "helping" them taking care of themselves can be perfectly valid, but different type of relationships include different type of perspectives to that situation
@Tinkeringbell Yeah, lunch meeting are the worst. But in this case, it's not a lunch meeting. It's just a regular meeting who happen to take place in the kitchen
scifi.stackexchange.com/a/227560/44517 Anyone besides me read that answer? ... I feel like commenting on it, but can't really find a way to get it on point.... '^.^
I am usually able to interact OK with regular people. However, I am at a complete loss when the other person just refuses to cooperate. It can be either that I get the feedback "I do not want", or I get complete silence (and eventually a very expressive face).
I do not have a specific example ri...
I'll try to work with them and get it in shape, I feel it might be an interesting academic-research type question though I'm not sure because of the last sentence :/
@Belle Yep... Thats what bugging me. And I would like to explain them whats the problem with their phrasing, if they actually are speaking about this. But I don't know how to approach it within just a single comment '^.^
@Ælis Problem here is, I just checked after quite some time the wiki entry for autism again and am a bit shocked.... Wikipeida in its current state presents the description in that very way as the answer presents it...
@ExtrovertedMainMan Given it two comments... @Ælis I don't think we have a specific meta about broad questions, but I hope the comments will eventually help shaping it into something more manageable.
@dhein Well, French Wikipedia misgender every none binary people there is instead of using the pronouns "iel" ("them") because "it's not proper French". So, really, Wikipedia isn't always all that great...
You can't speak about the severity of autism, just like you can't say being blind is objectively worse than being deaf. Apples and oranges. Even if you could speak about it, it is not dependent on the type of autism, but of the issues the autistic has. We also speak of ASD (autism spectrum disorder) only, not of classical autism or Asperger's Syndrome anymore, because it is so difficult to categorize. — Belle29 secs ago
- Call general practitioner's office to make appointment - Get diagnosis from assistant over the phone - Have medicine from apothecary within an hour later
To set the scene my family are very strict on the idea of family and respect.
However, I do not wish to attend the funeral for a few reasons.
I did not visit this relative for at the very least five years prior to their
passing
I experience heavy anxiety in large crowds
I have never attended a...
@Tinkeringbell I made the edit to change psychology tricks to ways. Other than that, I agree with your comment. The question can be on-topic here with a focus on the interaction between the two parties. There's nothing we can do at this point
@Ælis It's a bit of both. I understand the problem the OP is running into .. (btw @virolino Do you know we're here? :) )... but academic research/ interpersonal theory type questions often work best focused on the theory, instead of the 'examples' and 'what have you tried' that we require of 'regular' questions.
Both are an option... You could make the edit, then leave a comment saying thanks for responding and that you've added it to the question, would they be so kind to do the same for future clarifications...
Or you could ask them to edit (I usually use [edit] in a comment as that magic links to the edit page) themselves... both are fine, I usually pick one based on how much spare time I have :)
@ArthurHavlicek Usually both is acceptable. I do tend to ask them in comment to edit their post because, this way, I hope they will directly edit next time. But honestly, it probably doesn't change much
> If ducks are so smart, why don’t we just let the ducks do all the work? It would be wonderful if this were true, but the fact is that most ducks prefer to take a mentoring role. There are a few ducks however that do choose to code, but these are the ducks that nobody hears about because they are selected for secret government projects that are highly classified in nature.
@Ælis It is better :) Still sadly missing the point. But its also hard to get that answer representing it correctly without totally throwing over that answer. And since presenting autism correctly isn't the main focus on scifi se, I think it is as good as it could get without falsifying the intend. :x
Caller: Hey there, i'm from company X and your number was randomly selected for a survey about insurances, do you have time? Me: No thanks, I'm working atm Caller: Alright, can we call later today? Me: Sure thing
(Quick question - does anyone mind occasional English corrections for using the wrong etc.? I want to be helpful, especially for people who speak English as a second language but not offend someone by correcting someone if they don't want to be corrected)
My name is Teresa Dietrich. About a month ago, I joined Stack Overflow as Head of Product and Community. During my years as an engineer and technology leader I saw the impact this community and site has on people across the world and I am very excited to be here. While I have personally gotten a ...
@CaldeiraG "Though our active user base continues to grow, our engagement has remained the same." -> That sounds concerning :/ But it's good to know that they are planning to do something about it
@Ælis i don't see an issue here, if the userbase is bigger and you keep doing the same as before you eventually reach less people, bigger the userbase bigger the work
@Tinkeringbell it's certainly a positive message but we need actions because words we got enough xD
@CaldeiraG Exactly. It's like you have a toy car on batteries, and don't want to let go because the previous 9 times you played with it used to spark joy and now a parent took out the batteries but you still won't let go, waiting for that 10th time to spark joy that never is going to come.
I’ve been told numerous times that if I ever have another mental health crisis I should go to a&e but I’m never told what happens regarding whether or not they have to notify my parents. I’ve tried looking it up but no joy, hence why I’m here.
Important things to note, I’m 16 and in the uk.
In a common office space, a coworker came over to my desk and asked for help (verbally). As I was busy, I said 'I cannot help as I am busy'. The next day morning, she then sent an email with CC: to the line manager stating:
Your response to my request on Monday was inappropriate and I deserve...
@Ælis Was there any specific thing mentioned as being a good grand gesture and are you just clickbaiting, or is the content of the grand gesture left to imagination?
@Tinkeringbell Oh no, it's Geek who talked about a hypothetical grand gesture (that is left for the imagination). I didn't want to give you false hope about SE doing something concrete :/