The Awkward Silence - 2020-02-20

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Introverted Meta Man

12:30 AM

0

Q: Interpersonal skills site & opening rules for subjectivity questions

I recently stumbled across our interpersonal skills site and asked a question that involves some opinions. One of our helpful members of that site helped modify my question so that it fits our guidelines better, but I can't help to think - isn't interpersonal skills / relationships inherently sub...

5 hours later…

Extroverted Main Man

5:21 AM

0

Q: How to ask potential wedding photographer about low number of reviews

My fiance and I are looking at wedding photographers. She found one she says is perfect (matches our budget and preferred style). I'm concerned because on one page I've seen, he says he's been shooting weddings professionally for 10 years. However, I've only found 4 reviews for him (all positive)...

Extroverted Main Man

5:41 AM

0

Q: Should I commisserate with my child's teacher?

Due to some minor sensory issues leading to increased fatigue, our son has early release from kindergarten. We have enrolled him in an occupational therapy program to give him some coping mechanisms and get him to full-day before the end of the academic year. The teacher emailed us recently to sa...

6:13 AM

Hey everyone :)

Morning!

yawns 'llo

sends a cup of coffee

Yay, I already have some but I'll always get more coffee :D

morgn :D

That person on scifi who yesterday wrote in their answer about "suffering from autism" just rolled back to the "suffering" version of their answer. Now I feel really offended... And am wondering if thats already enough to flag that answer as rude...

6:24 AM

Just found this (please don't judge me on the bf part and read it as "partner" instead):

user image

@dhein oof :/ do you have a link? I could flag too

(And the caption that was attached to this image was: "If you don't have a date this Valentine's just get more data")

@avazula cough '^.^

15

A: First account of autism in speculative fiction

Charlie Gordon in Flowers for Algernon (at least the 1966 novel version—I am less sure about the original 1959 short story) clearly suffers from autism, in addition to his serious mental disability. The focus in the story is on the protagonist's initial retardation—his low I.Q., for example. Ho...

there

jsut not sure if that flagging was appropiate.

@dhein I said it should be read as "partner" instead ;D

@avazula lol. have you done all of them? ;P

@avazula I willingly ignored that addition :P

I wanted to custom flag an answer and instead I retracted my previous NAA flag ><

6:32 AM

>.<

And hey @Ælis :)

@AJ9 Done what? Partners and datasets? Sure did :p

Hello to you all too :)

@dhein I flagged and left a comment

@avazula I'm not sure I understand this picture ^^' Does this means that, to you, having a partner is time consuming, emotionally exhausting, etc?

@Ælis That is a joke on the fact that being in a relationship and working with dataset could be equally exhausting and how so.

@avazula lol

@avazula Oh right, thanks for the explanation x)

6:43 AM

@avazula I dare to say, in every joke is a fraction of truth ;D So it actually is. But I think it is just very rewarding and fulfilling on the other side, too. Making the exhaustion and spent time being worth it :P

Speaking of Partners, not of datasets. '^.^

Datasets are rewarding too :p

Fair enough.... Now I wonder... Partners = Datasets? :'D

gasps in surprise

YOU FOUND MY SECRET

Mister Ava actually is just a RCNN

😱

How can I know if I am not just that myself? 😱😱😱

You can't

6:46 AM

😱😱😱😱😱

:'D

We're all part of a giant simulation anyways

Just having a déjà vu ^^

7:13 AM

Morning xD

> Funfairs are simply a distraction from the inevitability of death

Or anything really

Sex Education S02E02 transcript loo

7:42 AM

Huh, fun thing just happened

I told my coworkers about my phone cord rubber bands that I use to stim

Two of them just asked me if I could buy some for them because "that's so cool"

haha

How do you use them for stimming? :D
And why they need you to buy them? x'D

@dhein Bulk purchase :p and I twist, spin and stretch them. I talked about it in an article on how to navigate twp as an autistic person

twp... the work place? ^^

yup :p

@avazula Relevant XKCD

It also works for anything you teach someone else to do. "Oh yeah, I trained a pair of neural nets, Emily and Kevin, to respond to support tickets."

7:49 AM

@JAD lol

user image

@avazula These are my fiddling tools I am using at work to stim x) I could make use of such an rubber thing, too. Can I join that bulk purchase? xP

I use a small patch of chainmail to fiddle with.

@JAD So if you are delegating tasks as a manager you can say you trained a neural network to do the task? ^^

@dhein that's what the hover-over text says :)

hahahaha I see ^^

@Ælis: You think it gets anywhere with starting an edit war? :x

Not that I don't appreciate rolling back the rollback. Just not sure if that will get anywhere.

8:03 AM

@dhein I rather have an edit war than a rude answer. Plus it might for the mods to step in

Fair enough.

Extroverted Main Man

8:23 AM

0

Q: Helping friend with project, how to tell him I'm not comfortable using my info for registering something?

My friend wants to make a website. I would like to help him do this. He asked me what free hosting to use and I suggested one. Part of the registration process is to upload photo ID. My friend said he filled out the form but was never given an account, no password was ever created. He's now askin...

friends coworkers trust

On the news a few days later: "Buzz is building around the so-called 'camping Roomba' after a big investment. Preorders have spiked, and..."

opens TAS, sees a giant image, closes the tab

@dhein do you want the link to the website? That'd be much quicker (and cheaper ahah)

9:08 AM

One of my male coworkers just used the emoji of a female manga character having an orgasm (we can only see the head (and mouth) of this character). Am I overreacting or is this indeed inappropriate (since it's a work environment)?

9:22 AM

And the context was: we avoided a (really) bad news

Enough internet for today: reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/f6j8f8/…

Were are you people? Are you all working? :(

Morning

I overslept and just got to work :P

2 rep short of rep cap yesterday :(

@Belle Oh no :(

@Belle Did you read the transcript yet? I'll be interested in what you think (especially for what I posted at 10:08)

9:40 AM

@Ælis Some context. These "gasm" emojis are kind of popular on Twitch. They're supposedly non-sexual and used for things that someone desires. Kreygasm is the original I think.

I recall Twitch's guidelines say that you should preferably only make those "gasm" emotes of your own face.

Well, that's still creepy IMO. Plus, I'm pretty sure that most of my coworkers aren't familiar with Twitch culture

@Ælis Have you spoken up to your coworkers about this?

Maybe you can even link them to the Twitch guidelines about only using your own face ;)

9:58 AM

@Tinkeringbell No, I don't want to speak to this coworker. He is a sexist asshole (IMO) and we can't stand each other (because I'm such an "easily trigger snowflake")

Ah. Yeah, then you're out of options :/

But I did ask HR to remove the emoji so that no one could use it (I didn't tell them that I was asking because coworker X used it). The emoji is now removed so problem fixed

Oh, that's a good solution too :)

@Belle I second this, they don't usually have a sexual connotation, it's more for fun

@avazula nahhhh just do it for me. Thats ok 😂😋

10:04 AM

@dhein Poor stress relief ball!

Now that I'm avoiding working... Incoming <tinyrant>

uhoh

@Tinkeringbell Please rant. I'm in a bad mood and I could really use something to distract me

10:32 AM

(sorry, work interrupted my rant)

Anyhow... it boils down to my mom putting my dad as a third party into her issues with me and me hating that :/

@Tinkeringbell Ahlala, you are a really good teaser :p

</tinyrant>

@Tinkeringbell Now you just have to turn your dad on your side so that she will regret having done :p But yeah, parent meddling can be really annoying

@Ælis It's... she's pushing dad to talk with me, so whatever I say to dad will get to mom and be misinterpreted/twisted by her... I told dad that I didn't want him in the middle, and that I was sorry mom put him there... only to have him say that he doesn't mind so now I still don't have a way to properly shut him down...

^^^ IPS question incoming

10:42 AM

:/ But maybe you can refuse to talk to him? It doesn't matter if he is okay with the situation since you are not

@Ælis yeah, I just didn't say anything after that... It's just that mom is convinced me not talking is a sign of serious problems between my ears, while I've told her plenty of times I'm not having X discussion with her because there's no answer that satisfies her

So now I can go through the same endless loop with dad.

Oh yeah, that sounds fun...

It just sucks. I need that apartment to hurry up

I can understand that. I couldn't wait to have my own place either. It sure help to avoid "mom's stuff". Though she might still annoy you with her phone call (but good thing is, you can always abruptly end it!)

I don't think my mom will call much. She at least doesn't with my brother.

10:52 AM

Oh, right, I forgot not every mum calls as often as mine does ^^

11:17 AM

nytimes.com/2020/02/04/world/asia/mumbai-horn-honking.html

hastebin.com/raw/uhibawadot because paywall

lol this has every possibility of failing

as soon as the traffic light is green, people horn and there ya go, red again

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How now to be affected by a toxic sibling when he is not there?

The problem isn't directly concerning myself, but my SO (30 yo). She has only one sibling, a brother (25 yo), that she came to hate overtime. When he is there, she is always very anxious, sad, and even depressed. When he is not, she dreads the next time she'll have to see him. She tries to avoid ...

family parents siblings

11:42 AM

@ExtrovertedMainMan close-vote-pls Intrapersonal?

@CaldeiraG exactly. Or just as a pedestrian sit next to it with a horn

but it's a funny idea, that's for sure

12:09 PM

@JAD yea

@JAD It has its merit

It's doomed to fail though

@Ælis Good. Sorry. I was mid sentence when I got called away. I don't think those emotes are bad necessarily, but I do believe they have no place at the workplace (except maybe if you work somewhere that actually involves itself with Twitch).

Arthur Havlicek

12:57 PM

@Belle How a reference to an orgasm can be non-sexual reference ?

I could understand its a banal, or soft or indirect sexual reference, but I would still call it so

Afternoon fellow . . . Awkwerders

Evening!

Arthur Havlicek

Afternoon

@Ælis well, that's inappropriate, but also just a slip

I guess a friendly-ish reminder should suffice?

@It'sOver A friendly-ish reminder would need for me and my coworker to be friends. We certainly aren't

@ArthurHavlicek Yep, agreed with that

1:13 PM

@It'sOver Hey, long time no see :)

@Tinkeringbell Hallo!

Well, I'm busy

Ish

SE has understandably minimized its use for me, and I'm busy coordinating a crowd of students

@It'sOver I had to check your profile to find out whether you were Nog or MAR

1:31 PM

@It'sOver What are you trying to get them to do?

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/kreygasm

Of course some of these [images](https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1GCEA_enGB841GB841&sxsrf=ALeKk033DdtSWV1oRYUOFFazlFQLZ1nMyg%3A1582205626748&ei=uopOXoisLemF1fAP8d-y6As&q=gasm++emotes&oq=gasm++emotes&gs_l=psy-ab.3..0i19j0i22i30i19l2.2157.7124..7629...0.0..0.106.1000.10j1......0....1..gws-wiz.......35i39j0i7i30j0j0i203j0i7i10i30j0i10j0i10i203j0i22i30j0i22i10i30.F8bU3LIJsdg&ved=0ahUKEwiI8d-in-DnAhXpQhUIHfGvDL0Q4dUDCAs&uact=5) are more inappropriate than others

the original one is a global emote on Twitch

@It'sOver Afternoon :)

The use is similar to drooling in animation over non-food. The “gasm” is about being very happy or excited about something non-sexual

Why does everyone seem to think I want to drag the mister to a therapist on a chain?

similar to how the term Natureporn doesn't (necessarily) involve actual porn, but just pretty imagery

Yep. And foodporn is about food that looks super good

@Belle Because "Y0u ArE aN 3ViL WoMaN"!

:p

Arthur Havlicek

1:45 PM

@Belle but you don't get why it's coined that way until you actually know what is porn and its aspects e.g. the fact it's excessive, pleasing etc.

@Belle Also, some IPS reader like to think the absolute worst of the OPs. I'm not sure why

well, it's an example of how a superlative becomes more commonly used and loses its superlativeness

@Belle Plus, well, people who are dishonest tend to think that everyone is dishonest, so...

answer-in-comment | NLL | interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/24153/…

@Ælis poof

that was a quick poof :p

Arthur Havlicek

1:51 PM

@JAD It's an example of sex made banal imo not that I see anything wrong in that

"Part of marriage is realizing that what you want/believe is only half of a bigger picture." - this goes both ways though. Shutting down your partner when they merely mention something isn't the correct approach. If you don't want to go to therapy, fine, but you should be willing to have a proper conversation about it with your partner and help them to understand your reasons. Also I don't buy this "dig in our heels" thing. Communication is a very important part of a relationship. You can't pretend otherwise and hope for good results. — JBentley 15 hours ago

JBentley sums it up well, I think.

@ArthurHavlicek a bit of both :) I'm sure non-sexual examples can be found though

but of course a medium like Twitch chat (or the internet in general) might be a bit more receptive to banal things :P

and that does not make them acceptable at work, but makes the slipup slightly understandable

Arthur Havlicek

@JAD I'm really not on point about what is acceptable or not at work. I was purely discussing semantics

@Belle It's a good reasoning but it shouldn't be a comment. It's not suggesting improvement or asking for clarification. It's just arguing with the answer (any way, I believe this answer should be deleted for lack off back up so...)

@ArthurHavlicek didn't mean to imply that, but the discussion originated from the term being used on the workfloor.

Arthur Havlicek

1:56 PM

@JAD I know. I drifted a bit, sorry. I have no opinion on that.

I had a notification pop up on my phone from reddit.com/r/EarthPorn when a colleague was sitting next to me. He got all red :P

> So instead of pressuring about therapy, why don't you be supportive? Give him a loving, safe place to be himself. Let him have the space to figure out things over time, and have an environment where he starts to feel comfortable opening up about this.

Oh ho ho ho ho, no.

What is it with this bloody "be supportive" cliche?

@It'sOver what's santa claus have to do with it?

@JAD No, it's me guffawing like the guy in Parasite.

Evil Korean laugh

Where was I? Telling someone to "be supportive" is like answering your kid that asks you "how can I get better grades?" with "be better at your lessons"

@JAD Honestly, given the subject, I would have also find it inappropriate outside of the workplace (it was a rather serious, life threatening subject)

2:00 PM

@Ælis hmm

It's about how to do it, dammit. "Be supportive" is romantic idle cliched bland crap.

@It'sOver be supportive, brush your teeth and don't kick puppies. You'll be fine.

And stay in vegetables, don't do school.

Arthur Havlicek

@It'sOver no its eat school in your vegetables

@Ælis I don't know what to think of the answerer's comments and later edits either.

2:09 PM

@Belle That they don't know the difference between "immediate danger" and "long time danger"...

I'm not afraid for his life right now, but I don't think I can safely break up with him in his current mental state. Not that I want that right now, but you never know in the future.

@Ælis Yeah, that

By the way, the traumatic events are no secret, but they're a potential trigger, which is why I left them out. And they shouldn't matter for the answer anyway.

Arthur Havlicek

@Belle They don't matter imho

Agreed, it doesn't matter

2 hours later…

4:30 PM

25

Q: Some improvements to blockquotes

We’re making a few changes to blockquotes soon. Historically, we had a bit of feedback that the yellow backgrounds were overpowering, reducing the contrast of the quote itself. The yellow border also lacks contrast with the background. Others have indicated that there should be more visible diffe...

discussion design blockquote

4 hours later…

Extroverted Main Man

8:31 PM

0

Q: My wife wants to support her parents far more than me (mainly financially)

I am married to daughter of my father's cousin for 1+ year. My father have very friendly relationship with this cousin. Following are my observations with my wife's and her parents behavior right from marriage and my opinions about the same: Both parties contributed 50% to our marriage expenses...

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Feb '2020

The Awkward Silence

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