The Awkward Silence

avazula

05:54

Morning everyone!

→ 10 messages moved to Trash

Two more weeks to go in my job! chickens

IPS Comment Bot

I appreciate your answer, but as my comment above says that he is not new here, the second quote is, I'm afraid, not helpful. I would mark it the answer if you might extend the last paragraph on how to respond if they tell me: you are already using a cooler in your room. Why do you need to take this back? OR can we please use it for summers only since you already have one. || Should I warn them against possible damages to pump and motor (which is common due to poor quality water)(I paid 500 rupees for the fan motor two months ago). Should I ask them to pay me after summers if something breaks. — ankiiiiiii 26 secs ago

#21782 ankiiiiiii (101 rep) | A: Someone else using my cooler without my permission (score: 0) | posted 6 hours ago by ooOOooK (298 rep) | Toxicity 0.14793192 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

IPS Comment Bot

06:22

@Ælis After the edits I think it is worth reopening and this was what I also saw during my school days. — ankiiiiiii 2 mins ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Tinkeringbell

06:37

@avazula Morning! Just two more weeks sounds great! :)

avazula

@Tinkeringbell Yes! But it's also frightening, as I don't know what to expect in my next job :)

I'm so afraid of not being up to their expectations o_o

Tinkeringbell

@avazula :/ That's the hard part, yes.

avazula

But as my mom always says, "Being afraid does not prevent danger" haha

Tinkeringbell

@avazula I always like to think that since I'm really bad at selling myself, I don't have to worry much about having set unrealistic expectations about myself :P

avazula

@Tinkeringbell haha! I think I might be the same :)

Tinkeringbell

06:43

@avazula Well, then perhaps that thought can ease your mind a little too :)

avazula

@Tinkeringbell true :)

Also, I recently realized how hard my current job is (because the person who'll take my position arrived last week and he doesn't believe such a job exist haha). I hope he'll stay anyway, I think it's a great training for becoming a project manager later on

dhein

GaMen :)

Tinkeringbell

@dhein Morning!

@avazula That does mean he should want to become a project manager :P

avazula

@Tinkeringbell true xD

Well I don't really want to, but now I have this experience anyway :)

Tinkeringbell

@avazula As my manager would say 'Now that you have the experience, you can decide you don't want to'. :/

Which is a really great way to push people into corners they don't want to be in :(

avazula

06:51

haha true

dhein

@avazula Possession is better than need xP

avazula

@Tinkeringbell doesn't sound like a nice manager ...? :/

Tinkeringbell

@avazula I'm not particularly fond of him, no. :)

avazula

@Tinkeringbell erh :(

Sid

Hello people

avazula

06:53

Hi there!

Tinkeringbell

@avazula Yep. So my next question on IPS is going to be something like 'how to give an inspirational talk without actually being 'an inspiration''.

It's going to be fun figuring that one out.

avazula

true haha

Tinkeringbell

Hopefully I can still solve it with 'don't give the talk at all'

Sid

Today has been a bad day for me. :(

avazula

@Sid oh no! Do you want to talk about it?

Sid

06:55

I wonder if it would be an interpersonal question or an intrapersonal question

I just heard an hour ago that a friend passed away. :(

avazula

oh no :( you have all my sympathies

Imus

07:14

Losing someone important is never easy... Big hugs to you Sid! (if you are OK with receiving virtual hugs that is, I would never force people to hug me if they don't want to)

How to deal with the sadness -> intrapersonal
how to tell people to leave you alone -> interpersonal
how not to feel bad about pushing people away when they just intend to support you but don't know how -> intrapersonal again

how to support someone you're close to you without upsetting them because it's clear you don't know what you're doing -> interpersonal ... so many difficult questions around this topic that probably don't really have a single right answer anyway :)

Sid

07:43

@Imus Thank you for the hugs. I am holding up well so far, thanks.

Imus

08:05

What helped my colleague and close friend to get through her workday after sad events was when I told her I was going to ignore any sad signals from her and just be my happy funny self until she asked me otherwise. This worked because she got some distraction while knowing that I didn't "not care about what happend" but was purposfuly trying to not remind her.
So if you want you can tell certain people around you: "thanks for trying to give me emotional support but I got plenty of other people already doing that. Could you ignore my sadness and try to compensate a bit by being happy around …

Extroverted Main Man

08:40

0

Q: Seeking closure over someone I have unblocked but whom I learned have passed on

There was someone close to me whom I blocked for a couple of years - we used to get on really well until he confessed his feelings for me and things got messy/ ugly. Since the negative feelings have died down, I have recently unblocked him to message him with the intention to iron things out on a...

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

09:29

Funeral speeches. It's always funeral speeches.

> He was a bit of a douche, but I'm crying now and so should you.

Magisch

09:48

Did we get a timeline / update on HNQ re-inclusion? Is it confirmed we're waiting on the delay feature?

Ælis

in The Closet, 2 days ago, by IPS Meta Comments

@Ælis It's already written and in a PR but we're waiting on a build review before it can go live. I'm really hoping next week but it depends on a variety of things that I can't control. — Catija ♦ 1 min ago

(about the feature, not the HNQ re-inclusion)

Termatinator

10:13

Is my sandbox question ready to be posted?

avazula

@Termatinator did you answer all questions asked in comments below?

Also, AElis edited it and asked you whether their edits match your true desire. Could you confirm it did?

Termatinator

yeah i believe i did via this chat @avazula

avazula

@Termatinator Okay, I wasn't there when you did then. Did you add the details they advised you to give?

Termatinator

"There is also a big age difference, I'm much younger than him, so I may not know what is acceptable in these situations. There is also the cultural difference since he lives in the USA and i live in the Netherlands, I don't know if this is acceptable in the US."

the part i added after that

@avazula

avazula

Okay

Well, to me you're good to go

Termatinator

10:26

alright, shall i give it a few more hours? @avazula

gonna have to go to a condolence anyway, so not much time to look at comments then

avazula

Up to you, you may get more feedback this afternoon when our American friends arrive

Termatinator

ok

avazula

oh :( lots of courage

Termatinator

thx, luckily I'm not on the receiving part

anyway gotta go, thx for the help

avazula

have a nice meal!

Extroverted Main Man

12:53

0

Q: Asking my sibling to not tease me about a specific subject

This weekend, I was with my sister (we are both around 25 years old and I'm the youngest). The first day, she learned something about me and started teasing me about it. The second day, we were cooking and the subject of the teasing came back. I knew she was going to make a joke about it again, ...

family teasing

Imus

13:42

@Ælis Can't post as an answer because no backup but: No. There's no better way. You handled it in the most optimal way I could possibly think of :)

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: When walking in public, has someone ever suddenly decided to jump into your path?

Was walking pass this lady inside a narrow shopping aisle when she suddenly decided to reach her arm out for something on the shelf causing me to jolt back and stop. She was facing the shelf and more than likely had saw me coming from her side. There was no room to pass behind her so I had to go ...

awkward-situations etiquette

Rainbacon

14:02

How do you all handle the situation where you leave a comment on an answer, only to get responses along the lines of "Why did you single out my answer? The others are just as bad"?

I see a few options:

1. Explain that I only saw their answer in the review queue and not the other answer

2. Read the other answer and moderate it if necessary

3. Read the other answer and explain why it does not need to be moderated

Tinkeringbell

Yes.

2

scohe001

4. Ask on Meta about the general case ;)

Imus

@Tinkeringbell I too love answering yes to multiple choice questions XD

Rainbacon

My inclination is possibly a combination of 1 and 2

Magisch

hey @Imus

long time no seemus

Tinkeringbell

14:05

All three are okay ;) It's okay to say you saw their answer in the queue, and haven't read the other one yet. Then, if you have time, you can go read the other answer and moderate as necessary, or explain to the person after reading it that it doesn't need moderating because X. Also, you can invite the other person to flag/comment on the other answer :)

@Imus Well, in this case it really is 'all of the above' :)

Magisch

how have you beenmus

Rainbacon

I feel like it might be best not to discuss the merits of one answer in the comments of another

Imus

@Tinkeringbell that's also how I interpreted your answer. It's still funny to answer like that :D

@Magisch busy getting married, getting my wife pregnant and getting our house ready for the little one :)

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon If there is stuff in answer A that answer B is lacking, you can certainly use answer A as an example ;)

Imus

On that note, I'll probably should be practicing my dad jokes since I'll be joining that club soon ^^,

Rainbacon

14:06

@Imus That's a lot of stuff

Magisch

@Imus you must

scohe001

@Magisch Huh, I've always pronounced their username in my head like "Camus," with an "ooh" sound at the end. @Imus which way is it? O_O

Tinkeringbell

gotta go

Rainbacon

@Imus I once had a co-worker tell me that I was ready to be a dad because of my jokes.

Magisch

I got one for you: Why does your fish not work? - improper schooling

Imus

14:08

@scohe001 The "I" is pronounced like the E in e-mail. The "mus" is pronounced about the same as "mas" in Xmas.

Also: for those feeling strong about pronouns (I don't) feel free to adress me with he/him/his/... whatever male apropriate term ^^,

scohe001

@Imus ahh. Thank you, sir.

IPS Comment Bot

They might work, but I wouldn't like to treat a sibling or dear friend this way, there are better ways to make clear that a good natured joke didn't land, put a stop to it, and move on. — MlleMei just now

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Magisch

@Imus I hope your family stays healthy and everything goes great for you

And you get many opportunities to practice dad jokes

Imus

@Rainbacon "I commented on yours because yours showed up on the review queue. If you think the other answeres also need moderation, please flag them with the appropriate reason and I or other volunteers will deal with those as well".

IPS Comment Bot

Did you say something and try to tell her you didn't find this funny the first day ? Or did you laugh with her a bit ? Do you regularly tease each other, and is it in good fun ? — MlleMei 1 min ago

Imus

14:14

@Magisch I already made plenty ^^, all situational and can't recall any right now as usual -.-

IPS Comment Bot

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Imus

@IPSCommentBot I'd say this isn't really an answer but asking for context. Since we don't know what the "specific subject" is it's hard to tell how serious to take it...

IPS Comment Bot

Invalid feedback type. Valid feedback types are tp, fp, rude, and wrongo

Ælis

@IPSCommentBot fp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught incorrectly (fp). Currently marked 0tps/1fps

Imus

14:26

@scohe001 For completeness sake. One of my coworkers also pronounces it like "E-moose", guess it's because of his russian background. I don't mind that mispronounciation :) Feels more like a joke opertunity ;)

Rainbacon

@Imus I always suspected you were an electronic moose. Now I have proof!

Imus

@Rainbacon N(m)ooooooooooo!

Ælis

@Imus I'm French and I do pronounce it a lot like that ^^'

Imus

@Ælis Urhg, French, that explains a lot :p

Context: I'm from dutch part of Belgium so we are kinda obligated to hate the French XD

(I don't really tho, only jokingly)

Termatinator

I'm full dutch lol

Ælis

14:31

@Imus Don't worry, we, French people, have a lot of jokes about Belgium (and guess who is smart and who is dumb on those jokes?) :p

Termatinator

any dutch jokes too?

Imus

@Ælis We already know you are wrong ...

@Termatinator are you implying that the dutch aren't jokes by themselves then?

Termatinator

oof

XD

i mean, you say you live in the dutch part

Imus

Context: I'm from the dutch part of Belgium so we are kinda obligated to hate the Dutch as well

Termatinator

XD

Imus

14:32

only jokingly as well ofcourse ^^,

Termatinator

believe me, plenty of jokes to you as well

Rainbacon

I'm American, I think at this point everyone is obligated to hate us...

Termatinator

as well as to the french and germans

meh, i like the americans

Ælis

@Rainbacon Oh no, we just think you are crazy :p

Imus

@Rainbacon Nobody hates Americans ... we only think they lack common sense, that's all

Ælis

14:34

Ahah, I was quicker than you @Imus x)

Termatinator

little dutch fact lol, the dutch are generally the tallest in the world

Imus

@Ælis I didn't think we were talking about that kind of race here :o

@Termatinator Can confirm. On family holidays in Holland I actually fit in the beds :D

Ælis

:p

Termatinator

hahaha

Imus

I'm 1m94 (6'3" ?) so it's usually a slight problem ... I'm still barely alowed to go in all the rides in themeparks though ^^,

Termatinator

14:38

and it's not holland lol, unless you mean the 2 provinces @Imus

Imus

So you're not cavemen? I've been told lies! who would've thought ...

To be fair, I know close to nothing about the Netherlands. Only that their favorite color is orange, they always speak their mind and don't know how to say "jus d'orange" in french ...

For those wondering about that last jab: I've actually heard a dutchmen ask "Hoe zeg je jus d'orange in het Frans?". Which translates to "how do you say jus d'orange in french?" Where the correct dutch word would be "sinaasappelsap" or "appelsiensap". The correct French name is in fact "Jus d'orange"... those silly dutch ^^,

(in english: orange juice)

Termatinator

lol

and yes, we do just speak our mind :P

Imus

@Ælis It seems I have to correct my previous comment about your question*. Given the actual context it looks like there was a better way to handle the situation ^^,

Ælis

@Imus Hey, I believe I escalated too quickly. But I was having a hard time thinking clearly and just wanted to put a stop to the teasing right away

Imus

My guess on the situation is that you did handle it to the best of your abilities. The fact that you went back to help after 5 minutes also shows that you don't really hate your siblings for it, just that you needed a short while to "cool off" after not taking the joke well. Your siblings probably know you well enough already that they wont mind you handling it that way either :)

Rainbacon

14:54

If you messaged someone on a text chat and said "hey, did you change feature X in the application" and then they responded with "feature X?", what would your first assumption be?

Ælis

@Rainbacon That they don't know what feature you are talking about?

Rainbacon

Oh good. I'm glad I'm not crazy

Imus

@Rainbacon that they would have a different name?

Rainbacon

I had a coworker ask me that exact question this morning, and when I replied with "feature X?", the response I got was "Yes"

Imus

possible outcomes after explaining what feature X is:
1) Oh THAT's what you mean with X ... yeah/no I ....
2) our app can do that?

Rainbacon

14:56

So, apparently I now work with @Tinkeringbell ;)

Imus

3) they're messing with you and threw out the now obsolete feature X

Rainbacon

The question was "Hey, did you remove <feature>?"

I said "<feature>?"

Ælis

@Imus Yeah, I'm just bothered by the fact that my reaction might be seen as a little "childish" and, if I'm in a similar situation with someone outside my family, I would like to know a more "grown-up" reaction

@Rainbacon XD I guess next time you will need to ask "what is feature X" ^^

Rainbacon

I ended up saying "I don't know what that feature is". To which I got the response of "Ok". I finally got an explanation after I said "Maybe I did that on accident, can you explain what it is"

Imus

That may all just been everyone not really interpreting each others answers the same way.
If they first interpret your answer of "<feature>?" as shorthand for "you really mean <feature> right?". And after that "I don't know what that feature is" as "I haven't touched the code around that feature". Then the confusion sortof makes sense

Rainbacon

15:03

Oh hey, @Arsak, good to see you back. I was wondering why you deleted your question in the sandbox and didn't post it?

Ælis

@Rainbacon Yeah, they probably assumed that, since you didn't know feature X, you couldn't have change it

Imus

@Ælis I wouldn't call it childish. It probably looks like you're over reacting in the moment which you make up for by coming back after a short while. A lot then depends on how you explain it afterwards. Upon comming back "sorry for my reaction earlier, it seems I don't take jokes about <subject> well, would you mind not joking about it anymore please?" I doubt anyone would hold it against you ^^,

I may or may not post it as an answer later. Got to catch my bus now! Talk to you guys later ^^,

Rainbacon

Byemus!

Ælis

@Imus See you later :)

@Imus I didn't explain it afterward, I felt that it wasn't needed. The messages "don't be mean or I'll let you cook alone" and "I really don't appreciate those jokes" was send and I didn't felt that going back to the incident was necessary

Arsak

@Rainbacon Thanks for asking. a) It was quite quickly downvoted (which according to the instructions means it wasn't a good fit at all "only downvote if you think that a question is just not a good fit, no matter how much the OP works on the draft"). b) The (upvoted) comments indicated readers thought I was asking a "should I" - question, which I was sure I didn't.

@Rainbacon In the end, I didn't really feel like dissecting this sensitive topic so much that it might or might not fit the site's requirements. Not sure, if I would have recognised my own question in the end.

Rainbacon

15:20

@Arsak I'm not sure if that's how the voters were actually voting as I didn't vote on it. The first draft of your question definitely was a "should I" question. (So, should I just continue to invite myself to his group of friends for this regular (every 2nd week) event and hope we get closer there?). I understand not wanting to beat your question with a hammer until it fits our requirements, and it's ultimately up to you whether you want to post it or not.

I just hope you haven't been discouraged from sticking around.

Arsak

@Rainbacon Well, actually my focus was on asking "How...", that's why I highlighted those as title and subheader. The "Should I" questions in the texts were just meant to describe the possible options I was seeing. And it kinda irritated me that those were picked for criticism - in the end I understood that as the community's trigger/key words :)

@Rainbacon And it didn't encourage me from sticking around, but probably rather as a passive reader instead of trying to ask further questions

@Rainbacon May I ask, whether there is/was somewhere a discussion about whether or not downvoting in the sandbox works as it was intended originally? On the one hand, I fully understand the idea behind that instruction, but on the other hand: who reads instructions anyway ;) People might just up-/downvote as they are used to. Which potentially creates confusion or might even discourage new users

scohe001

15:40

@Arsak looking at our sandbox tag, it doesn't look like we've had any discussion around voting.

Ælis

@Arsak I must admit that I didn't remember the downvote instruction correctly ^^' I knew I was supposed to upvote when the question was ready, but I thought the opposite was true too (downvote if the question isn't ready). So, I must admit that I wrongly downvoted your answer (I wanted to say "it's not ready yet" and not "it will never be good enough") and I apologize for that

Arsak

@Ælis Accepted :) Thanks for getting back to me! And Thank you for confirming that the instructions don't fully align with the user's voting-behaviour. You guys probably can judge better than me, whether or not this is serious enough to be tackled somehow to improve the sandbox's user experience.

Ælis

Well, the "user voting behavior" isn't even good on the main site, so expecting it to be good anywhere else seems a bit... difficult...

Arsak

@Ælis Nah, I'm not expecting good - just hoping for comprehensible :)

Ælis

16:00

@Arsak I believe that you have a point, but I'm too tired right now to do anything about it. But feel free to open a meta post about that. Maybe we will just decide to add a notice "Vote are hard to interpret, you should trust the comments instead of the votes", but at least that will be something

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

@Ælis where is it ever good though?

I find myself, at least, subconsciously setting a high bar for voting behavior in these discussions

But the reality is, even the best voters might vote differently if they remember they didn't like the user's tone in their last interaction with the user

Rainbacon

I believe that I saw it mentioned in chat the other day that downvotes mean "this isn't ready" and upvotes mean "this is ready". Let me see if I can find it

Ælis

@M.A.R.ಠ_ಠ I some SE site, the voting behavior is "better" than in others. In IPS, the voting isn't always align with how good (well back-up) an answer is but is more align on people thinking: "this might work" on an answer that doesn't have any back-up

Rainbacon

Ah yes, here it is

Ælis

@Rainbacon I was the one who said that and I was wrong ^^'

(not about why I voted, but about what vote should reflect)

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

16:07

@Ælis I thought that too but now I realize the difference is minuscule.

In communities of roughly the same size, I mean

Arsak

@Ælis As i said, I don't know, whether this is really important or not for the site and the users. I can only tell that it was misleading me in the end. Didn't want to make it a huge thing if it isn't.

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

On a big site, you get 20 frequent voters at any time, and that's what, 0.1% of the users and, say, 40 percent of the votes

Ælis

@Arsak I think you should write a meta about that. As people say: "better safe than sorry" (but if you don't want to write a meta post, it's also fine. I just don't want you to feel like you will be annoying people if you were to write a meta, you wouldn't).

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

On a small site, you get 10 frequent voters, around 1% of the users, and around 70 percent of the votes. Smaller sites tend to vote better.

SO is so ridiculously big compared to anyone else that rarely ever any comparison makes sense

Rainbacon

@Ælis I personally wouldn't be annoyed by more meta posts. In fact, I wish more people would write meta posts on IPS, assuming that they are useful meta posts and not demands of "Undelete my post right now!"

Ælis

16:14

@Rainbacon Yep, definitively agreed with that

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

Undelete my post right now!

I'm taking precautions in case you delete it when I post one.

Speaking of awkward,

What you mean by "what do you mean?"! — vectory 4 mins ago

This is why use–mention distinction is important, people.

And so are endashes.

(Warning: The ELU question of the comment above is about vulgarity)

Arsak

16:36

See you around!

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

I'm not planning to get fat

Ciao

IPS Comment Bot

17:21

This depends a lot on 1. what you told them and 2. the way they say "why not". For example if you ask them why they do something like that the response "why not" can simply mean "I have no idea how else I could do it" or "you sound like it's not a good idea to do it like I do, but why isn't it?". — puck 13 secs ago

#21781 puck (1313 rep) | Q: How to deal with "why not" as a response to the a why question? (score: 2) | posted 20 hours ago by user24342 (11 rep) | Toxicity 0.23609011 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic", "chatty"]

Rainbacon

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.

Rainbacon

17:43

This could use some rude flags if there's anyone around

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon Oh hey, it only took one more! :D

Rainbacon

Fun fact that I just learned, you can edit a comment on a deleted post if the comment is still within the edit window

Tinkeringbell

hahaha

Rainbacon

I realized while you were nuking the post that my comment should mention that it was rude first and foremost rather than it just being a poorly written answer

Tinkeringbell

Sounds good, it's a great comment :-)

Rainbacon

17:48

Thanks!

I'm practicing for when I ~~take over the site~~ run in the moderator election (not actually certain that this will happen yet)

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon Would be awesome. Your practice is going great, I saw a load of great comments from you lately :)

Rainbacon

Aww, thanks. I've been trying to work on that. Felt bad because for a few weeks there I noticed that about the only comments I saw providing constructive criticism on posts were from you and EmC

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon Your help is certainly appreciated a lot by me :)

Rainbacon

Well, I care about the site. I think that it can be one of the best sites on the network. It's certainly been one of the most helpful for me

ElizB

18:46

Heya, good afternoon :) First week of post-graduation :D

Rainbacon

Hey, @ElizB! How are you enjoying your first week of post-graduation thus far?

ElizB

@Rainbacon Did some errands this morning, then watched some tv and put a heating pack on my poor cramping belly (that time of the month again) and just now hopped on to answer emails

ElizB

18:59

also finally got around to changing the name on my license to my married name! woot! one year late haha

Rainbacon

Oh nice!

ElizB

Plus updated my picture :) hehe my hair length is really different from when it was taken 10 years ago

Rainbacon

Same :)

ElizB

19:16

I'm just enjoying my chilled out schedule lol

Rainbacon

Sounds nice, I'm looking forward to when I have a chilled out schedule (aka my honeymoon)

ElizB

ah yeah that's coming up soon right? July?

Rainbacon

Yep, the wedding is July 13th

ElizB

woohoo! excited?

wait a minute, that's my mom's birthday haha

Rainbacon

Definitely excited, also extremely nervous

ElizB

19:32

I can totally relate :) it'll be alright.

Rainbacon

I certainly hope so. And I'm sure it will, but being autistic and undergoing large life changes are not things that mix particularly well

ElizB

Yeah, that's definitely something that me and @El'endiaStarman talked about often, how to have a space within the wedding that he can go to so he can recover a bit, making it so that we had different options of activities. He's not a dancer, he wanted to play games, so we went for dancing AND games, and used the next room over to play quieter games so he can have his recovery without looking rude

Rainbacon

@ElizB I'm not so much worried about the wedding. I'm more nervous about after the wedding. All of the changes of being married to someone are a lot to deal with

ElizB

@Rainbacon Yes indeed. Me and hubby talked about that often too

as a non-autistic person, I wanted that transition to be as smooth as possible, allowing room for the dust to settle before making any more changes

Rainbacon

I wish it was easier to talk to her about it. The problem is that every time I've tried, she gets really scared (I think she might be afraid that I'll get overwhelmed and call off the wedding) and I spend so much time trying to reassure her that I do in fact want to marry her that we never make progress on the whole "I'm nervous about all of the changes" thing

ElizB

19:41

Ahhh yeah. I think it's the other way around for me and @El'endiaStarman... funny. He wasn't the one to start the conversations, I was lol

If you can't speak in person, maybe try writing a short letter summarizing what you want to talk about AND reassuring her that you love her and want to get married.

Rainbacon

That's a pretty good idea

ElizB

so that way she can't exactly back out, and you get to say what you want to say without scaring her, because you're giving a chunk of stuff to her, that 1. asks questions 2. reassures her 3. opens up discussion

Messaging her or emailing her could work too

You can review what you want to say on here if you want feedback as well, I can do that for you.

Rainbacon

That's very kind of you to offer

ElizB

No problem at all. I had to work with hubby to really get into talking about that and I don't regret it at all. I feel our relationship is stronger because of giving each other time to understand

Rainbacon

19:57

She tries to be understanding and give me time to process things, and she's usually pretty good at it. We tend to be pretty good at communicating with each other, but she's a little sensitive about this one particular thing

ElizB

Which is totally understandable! :) That's good that you both have a good dynamic so far.

scohe001

That newest question sounds like it may be Meta

Rainbacon

Yeah, that definitely sounds fishy

Let's see if I have an appropriate comment in the archives for this...

Tinkeringbell

20:13

@Rainbacon Treat it as any other question on main lacking appropriate details ;)

Rainbacon

I think @scohe001 beat me to it

scohe001

Ahh sorry. I was already writing one up when I posted that message here

Rainbacon

All good, you did better than anything I had come up with thus far

Tinkeringbell

Or not.

scohe001

@Tinkeringbell not feeling particularly moddy? :P

Extroverted Main Man

20:19

-1

Q: Politely decline giving personal information in a conversation

The scenario: during a team meeting I am providing an answer to a question. The question is of general nature and requires no specific course of studies, therefore my answer follow suits. For instance, the question being "How in general would you best tell the other party that their client...

conversations

scohe001

Dang that was a really good one @Tink

Tinkeringbell

@scohe001 Meh, didn't really know how to introduce it. Dropped a second comment there still pointing it out :)

scohe001

Ahh I see what you mean. Yea I feel like that's the best you could do

Rainbacon

Curious @Tinkeringbell, when you are leaving a comment and closing like that, how do you personally strike a balance between taking more time to leave the best possible comment and leaving a less good comment in the interest of getting the post closed sooner?

Not to imply that your comments there were lacking in any way

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon Ehh, I just pick an order to mash buttons in ;) So if it needs to be closed that soon, I might just hit close before I even start writing ;)

It almost never happens though, I just write a comment first generally. And after doing this for over a year, it becomes easier, in most cases a matter of mere minutes. Not much damage can be done in such a short time with the levels of traffic we have now ;)

Perhaps that'll change when HNQ is back in the mix, I don't know ;)

Rainbacon

20:28

That's fair

Follow up question, I've noticed that the mods tend to wait until 3 or 4 other users have cast close votes before casting one themselves, but in some cases though like this one you'll cast the first one. Obviously that is a judgement call, do you have any specific things that you look for when deciding that you should unilaterally close a question?

And a follow up to that, do all of these questions about your process as a moderator bother you? If so feel free to let me know and I'll stop :)

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon Mostly the amount of detail missing, sometimes I look at comment upvotes (scohe's has three now), and generally drama/bad answer potential. This one was already recognized very easily by multiple chat users as being potentially about our back up policy, we really don't need anyone stumbling in and answering it ;)

@Rainbacon Not at all, though for some I might not have easy answers. I do stuff a lot without really thinking too much about the underlying reasons sometimes, because it becomes a bit of a routine. But moderators should be used to and okay with answering questions about being a moderator, especially around election times!

I do have to stop answering your questions now though, it's bedtime ;) Good night!

Rainbacon

Ah good, I'll make sure to drive you up any walls I can find. :)

Good night!

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon Do your best! :D

Ælis

21:20

Oh dear!

29

Q: Let's go back to HNQ!

Like discussed, IPS would like to return to HNQ. Support for a return to HNQ was overwhelming, so here's a feature request: Bring IPS back on HNQ! We've had the discussion about when and what to remove, and that seems quite settled. As far as the number of questions goes, most answers to How ma...

feature-request status-completed hot-network-questions

@Catija Since you are here, what is the minimum age limit?

Catija

I think it's 8 hours by default...

Mithrandir

13. ;)

Ælis

Thank you both :D

@Rainbacon I just wanted to tell you that I have now 6.123 rep on IPS (but I guess this score will have change tomorrow). For now, time for me to go to bed (and try to not worry about this HNQ come back ^^ )

scohe001

Ayyyy we're back on HNQ!!

8

@Ælis here's a more direct link: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/revisions/3648/2

ElizB

ayyyyy! Let's see what happens :)

Termatinator

21:37

Ok, I think I'll put my question from the sandbox online right now

Mithrandir

Right now? Most of the regulars are going to bed around now though :P

scohe001

@Mithrandir clearly they're looking ahead at that 13hr age limit :P

Termatinator

well, it's just that I don't have a lot of time nowadays, tomorrow i got work and a theory lesson for my driver's license @Mithrandir

Mithrandir

I was mostly kidding - people'll see it in the morning. Also, good luck!

Termatinator

thanks, I'll try to respond to comments asap but of course it may take a while sometimes, almost midnight here XD

Mithrandir

21:42

@scohe001 Look... the age limit isn't one of my favorite topics. :P

3

scohe001

LOL Well played

Termatinator

Do I delete my sandbox question in the sandbox and put it in the list within the accepted answer there?

@scohe001 @Mithrandir

scohe001

@Termatinator ye

Termatinator

alright thx

scohe001

And also edit your Sandbox question body after you delete it, but I can take care of that for you since it's your first time and you're asking so nicely about the etiquette :)

Termatinator

21:49

ah thank you, appreciate it

scohe001

Of course! Happy to help

(You will still have to delete it yourself though)

Termatinator

will do

@scohe001 for if you need it interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/3664/7064

scohe001

Oh I'm waiting for you to delete it lol

I have enough rep to edit it after it's been deleted

Termatinator

oh i thought the edit was first XD, I'll delete it then

and... gone

scohe001

Haha you'd think we'd be good at communication here in this chat :P

Extroverted Main Man

21:56

0

Q: Contacting a friend when I haven't heard from them in weeks

Background Online I got some friends who I regularly play games with, these aren't just people on the internet you meet for me. I know a lot of things about them and we've been friends for a long time. Problem Suddenly out of no-where one friend just disappeared, I haven't heard from him in we...

friends united-states online-interaction netherlands phone-calls

Termatinator

I'm not the greatest at it haha

scohe001

Nah that one was definitely my fault lol don't worry about it

Mithrandir

22:15

@scohe001 Of course not. There's always a bit of an awkward silence when people are talking in here.

El'endia Starman

Found out about this today and figured many of you would appreciate this: research on diversity in social intelligence (source).

The gist of it is that autistic people communicate with other autistic people just as well as non-autistics communicate with non-autistics.

> In essence, what we are demonstrating for the first time is that autistic people's social behaviour includes effective communication and effective social interaction, in direct contradiction of the diagnostic criteria for autism. We have, for the first time, uncovered empirical evidence that there is a form of social intelligence that is specific to autistic people.

Catija

22:48

First question is up. :) interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/21788/…

3

Introverted Meta Man.

23:48

1

Q: Server error when attempting to access "All actions" subtab of my meta profile

I'm trying to access the "All actions" subtab of my user profile on this site (Interpersonal Skills Meta), but when I try to do so, I get a server error: https://interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/error?aspxerrorpath=/users/11936/gparyani I've tried accessing the same tab on other sites, inclu...

bug meta 500-server-error profile-page

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