The Awkward Silence

Extroverted Main Man

06:35

0

Q: How to learn to make decisions quickly and not regret afterwards?

I have a problem with decision-making, especially when it comes to small daily things. For example, I can spend half an hour deciding what I want to eat for breakfast, or what fitness class I want to attend, who I want to go out with, etc. Often, once the decision is made, I feel like it was wron...

anxiety

Magisch

07:14

→ 9 messages moved to Trash | Daily IPS comment bot cleanup

dhein

08:04

If there is a question being clearly off-topic, but I see a way to help OP despite answering in comments is neither appreciated as answering on Off-Topic posts. Should I no matter how much of a help what I have to add might be, neither do any of the 2? Or would one fo the 2 be acceptable or at least tollerable? If so which of the 2?

Tinkeringbell

09:54

Hello!

It's Monday :P

Magisch

even the crickets have gone quiet

Tinkeringbell

@dhein Yeah, we are strict on that. Answers don't belong in comments, and off-topic questions preferably don't get any answers either.

@Magisch Meh, it'll likely be a while until France drops in here ;)

Noon

@Tinkeringbell France is 67 186 638 people, so yeah, it's will probably be a while before all people in France drop in here :P

Tinkeringbell

Yay! But you're here now ;)

Noon

Yep, be we are still missing the other French one :P

Tinkeringbell

10:02

Half of France is here now :P

Noon

@Tinkeringbell : @avazula, I will do the south and you do the north :p

Tinkeringbell

12:15

@ElizB it's not working :( Perhaps because we are in the code-review stage today though, but he's still sitting at my desk too much.

Cashbee

:(

ElizB

12:31

:/

He sure is persistent. I think that maybe just telling him ghat

Ugh. Mobile.

Cashbee

I too would try being honest about the situation. Worth a try before escalating

ElizB

I was saying that you can tell another co worker about it and both of you can approach him and tell him to move, in a firm and kind manner

I think of it as three steps: ask, tell, and command. This is the "tell"phase

Maybe set a time that he can come back to review code?

Cashbee

I wouldnt involve other coworkers. this is between tink and misterX. Talking about it with misterX can not only solve the issue but also strenghen the bond/friendship

..it can also weaken it i guess :S

ElizB

But if she's tried so much so far and nothing's worked, that's where I think another co worker could be involved

Magisch

Next time he comes around intone solemnly "Harken cur, tis' you I spurn! Now burn!" and then produce a pumpkin from your bag

Tinkeringbell

13:20

@ElizB If I'm going to involve anyone else, it'll be a scrum master/manager. Not just any other co-worker :)

I'll wait and see a bit more, as today is also a lot of reviewing.

Right now I'm testing, and so far I'm on my own. Though testing doesn't come with much code-dictating anyways.

Magisch

I still think my poem idea was good :/

Tinkeringbell

Perhaps I'll write him an angry Sinterklaasgedicht :P

Sinterklaas poems are THE way to point out everyone's flaws without them taking offense :P

2

Magisch

Harken cur, tis' you I spurn! Now submit to your fate, and burn! *maniacal laughter*

the best poem

user15026

@Magisch I just did that so many times last event that I totally hear it in his voice.

Magisch

@Ash That was the intent :P

user15026

13:30

It worked!

Magisch

Thankfully I got the horse back in 2009 I think

dhein

event? huh? horseback? 0o

Extroverted Main Man

13:51

0

Q: How to deal with a racially insensitive friend

I am in a group of friends of 5 people. We're all white, male, in our mid to late twenties. The group was formed from working together on the same group projects at the university. Obviously over time, friendships are formed and the level of comfort within the group increases. It is common to mak...

friends racial-issues

ElizB

@Tinkeringbell okay, I hope things work out.

Tinkeringbell

@ElizB So do I. If not, I'm going to make an 'advent' calender to count the days until I'm done here ;)

user15026

14:17

@Magisch this was my first time doing the event, I didn't get any of the good stuff.

ElizB

14:50

@Tinkeringbell mmm, put chocolates in there to help you feel better?

Cashbee

mmh hemp toys are the best xD

ElizB

Mobile typing stinks. I'm out of here.

Cashbee

(no offense eliz, everyone makes spelling mistakes

it was just too great to let go uncommented

ElizB

Haha i know. It's my stupid autocorrect :P

Tinkeringbell

@ElizB Little balls of yarn ;)

ElizB

14:52

@Tinkeringbell oooh yes perfect!!

avazula

16:14

It's incredible how quiet you are when we're not around... Are French people that talkative? I begin to wonder. @Noon @Tink xD

Tinkeringbell

@avazula co-worker troubles. You may expect me to be online a lot less till the end of the year, I'm afraid.

Cashbee

i blame hnq xD jk

avazula

@Tinkeringbell :'( so I guess it didn't get better?

@Cashbee SOMEBODY MAKE HIM LEAVE

XD

A J

@avazula Yeah, it's really quiet. There is no Avaz (sound) in here. ;)

Noon

@avazula Well, I'm more of the quiet kind, I definitively believe that you are the talkative one :P

avazula

16:20

@Noon "gni gni gni, you're the loud one" blows raspberry

:p

@AJ gimme a break, I'm getting married this week :)

A J

@avazula COngarteulations!!

avazula

I cant always be shining this room with my light, the real world needs me too

Cashbee

nice, congratulations!

Tinkeringbell

@avazula Congratulations! Enjoy your big day :D

Noon

@avazula I love this "gni gni gni" :P Also, I like how talkative you are and how you make people comfortable talking (at least, you make me comfortable talking :) )

Cashbee

16:22

what does blows raspberry mean? is it an insider or an idiom I don't know about?

Noon

@avazula Wow, congratulation!

avazula

@AJ haha, thanks. Its actually not really a wedding, it's a French administrative equivalent. We're doing this to alleviate our taxes but we do love each other :)

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee It's making a horse like sound with your lips, as far as I'm aware

Cashbee

@avazula the "modern" wedding :)

avazula

@Cashbee erh, does "pull a tongue" make any sense ?

Cashbee

16:23

@Tinkeringbell @avazula ah, thanks! always nice to learn more english

A J

@avazula Good!

Noon

@avazula Ah, PACS! Probably way less stressful!

avazula

@Noon ahahah, it's you that I love girl :D TBH it may be my talkativeness that made IPS people think I could become a room owner, I don't know ^^

@Noon yep! I'm still stressed though xD all my life choices gather in my mind, and I'm like "oh my god am I really able of loving someone my whole life?"

@Tinkeringbell I hope your work issues will get better. <3

Cashbee

@avazula tink was in fact closer to the real meaning. i love that idiom

Tinkeringbell

@avazula they either will or won't ;) it's only six or seven weeks left anyways so ;)

avazula

16:26

@Cashbee I learned it from Bojack Horseman, I don't guarantee my English accuracy hahaha

Cashbee

@avazula another show on my list xD

avazula

@Tinkeringbell true, but it could seem very long should it go not so well :/

@Cashbee its interesting but very sad

Cashbee

I think I saw an episode once, long ago, but I remember I thought it was funny

and hey, a talking ~~manbearpig~~ human horse

Tinkeringbell

@avazula True too. I've survived worse, I should be able to handle one co-worker though :P

Noon

@avazula Well, the good part with PACS is that it's way easier to "change your mind" and say "I don't love him/her anymore". But yeah, I understand why you would still be stressed

avazula

16:29

@Cashbee I think it goes sadder and sadder. But yeah, its still quite funny

@Tinkeringbell haha. You're strong! And we have your back!

Tinkeringbell

:D Thanks!

avazula

@Noon true :) I actually started freaking out after my diagnose - he received it very badly. He doesn't believe it and thinks it'd change nothing should i really be not neurotypical. It hurt a lot, and that plus the fact that I feel like im getting to know myself from an entirely different POV, I'm starting wondering whether I'm simply able of loving someone my whole life ._.

Cashbee

tahnks for that edit :)

was just wondering about that

Do you think you are a different person since the diagnose?

avazula

@Cashbee I don't think I'm different, but there's so much things that make sense now. I used to believe I was weird / wasted / even crazy. Now I know that I'm just different and that that's ok to be different. So I think my behavior may have changed a bit, yes.

Noon

@avazula From what I have read about, atypical people tend to be much more committed to the (fewer) relationship they have. So, I'm pretty certain that loving someone your whole life isn't more of a problem than from neurotypical people. On a side note, the "love chemistry" that goes inside one body when they are in love doesn't last more than two years. So, if you know your SO from a fewer time you have to expect that, at some point, the kind of love you feel for each other will change.

avazula

16:38

I'm also quite afraid that they'd don't like my new behavior as well. I became way more solitary and I'm not afraid of telling him to leave me alone when I'm having a meltdown. But hey, who knows what's the future's made of? :p

@Noon huh, I thought it was 3 years. We're at 2 and a half, yay! :p

Maybe that's it, maybe we're entering this new phase of our relationship as well.

Noon

Maybe, I'm not that certain about the number of years, let me check that

avazula

@Noon did you feel the same when you received your diagnosis?

Cashbee

@avazula I'm sure they have noticed some minor changes by now if you say the truth, and apparently 'it doesn't change anything'. To me that sounds like a good thing. And when you tell him to leave him alone, this only makes it more fair to him as it feels like you know yourself better and you know what you need.

avazula

@Cashbee mmh, that's a good point.

Cashbee

If my SO told me to let her alone (along with an explanation), it would still feel better than trying to figure out what's up, all while trying not to put my foot in it

avazula

16:42

@Noon IIRC its related to the amount of time needed for a little kid to be less dependent of their parents

Cashbee

everybody needs some alone time

and with that citation (Cashbee, 2018) I leave. have a great evening all of you

Noon

@avazula Yep, I also had a "I'm not lazy, I'm different and I got tired more easily but it's okay"

@Cashbee Goot evening to you too :)

avazula

@Cashbee you really are somebody. XD schöne Abend, Cash!

@Noon and now its over? I mean, the phase?

Noon

@avazula Oh no, far from it, I'm still trying to figure out who I am and how autism affect me

@avazula Apparently, we are both right: francetvinfo.fr/sciences/… (French source, sorry everyone else)

avazula

@Noon erh. Me too. I'm thirstily digging blogs and websites from the internet, and I think a lot about it. I figured out couple of things that make me feel better and it feels like a relief ._.

It's unbelievable how this topic is not very popular among the net

Noon

16:48

@avazula What do you mean?

@avazula Yeah, I recently found two new ones: royaumeasperger.com and neurodiversite.com . The author of "Au royaume d'une asperger" isn't really similar to me but it's still interesting to read

avazula

@Noon I mean that there aren't many sources talking about autism / Asperger

Extroverted Main Man

Recent Questions - Interpersonal Skills Stack E…: How can i control my anger

posted on November 12, 2018 by aquari

My question is about the angerness if some one shows me attitude and rudeness and also attack on personal life then how can i control my anger because anger is not a good thing islam ??

Noon

@avazula Hum, I don't know. Maybe it's just more hidden? Like, if you don't know the right key-words you can't find them?

avazula

@Noon oh yeah, I found those too. One that i liked but its not about asperger, it's about high functioning, but I can't find it anymore :(

Noon

What I'm desperately trying to find right now is some "autism tricks" and "object for TSA people" who can help me in my day to day life. I mean, is there some headphone for hypersensitive to touch people? And what about glasses? And are they some clothing brands that are very comfortable for people in the spectrum?

avazula

16:55

@Noon erh. Maybe. I Google "être asperger", "vivre avec asperger ", "asperger quels métiers", "asperger et amour", and so on... Maybe it's too specific?

@Noon yeah, I saw your post on life hacks. I found a website talking about nice and comfy noise canceling headphones, but if you can't bear the metal circle it's maybe not worth I share it with you?

For the clothes I'd go for Decathlon clothes . I could spend my life in a polar jacket :D

But I also sew a lot of cotton clothes, it helps.

Noon

@avazula I don't know but I suggest you also try words like "atypique" and "femme autisme"

avazula

I saw this morning that they published a cookbook for autistic people. That's so cool!

@Noon oh right, that's smart. Thanks :)

Noon

@avazula Oh, can I have a link?

avazula

@Noon let me find it

Ooh, it's actually pretty recent, it was published this year. Here you go :)

Noon

@avazula I'm starting to think that sports clothes are definitively the way to go. I didn't try it until recently but, so far, I'm very satisfied with what I get (in fact, my favorites clothes are from sports shop, even my jean :D )

@avazula Also, I didn't knew you sew, that's cool!

avazula

17:01

@Noon yeah, they're very comfy :) my SO only wears those xD

@Noon :) I'm not very good but I'm trying to learn

Noon

@avazula Maybe share a picture of what you make in here sometime. I'm very curious to see how it looks like :D

avazula

@Noon I actually finished something this morning

Tinkeringbell

@Noon As for the clothes... A friend of mine used a Dutch store called autishop, that sold stuff like wireless and seamless bras

And socks

The site offers a French language option too ;)

avazula

@Tinkeringbell wooh, neat! :D

There's nothing to see here except a homemade kimono

@Noon ^

Noon

@Tinkeringbell I don't wear bras anymore, my hypersensitive touch really hates it. But the site seem nice except that I can't find the French version XD

@avazula Nice! I really like it!

Tinkeringbell

17:06

@Noon I'll drop you a link when I'm home. Copy pasting on mobile is hard ;)

Noon

@Tinkeringbell Thanks :D

avazula

@Noon gimme your size and a city post office address and I sew you one! Haha

Noon

@avazula Well, I won't ask you to make me a kimono but, if ever you come to Paris, I won't be against seeing you in person :D

avazula

@Noon I'll let you know :) but you know, I really wouldn't mind, it's really cheap sewing such things and sewing relaxes me o/

So you finally found a place? :)

Noon

@avazula Yep, I'm moving in Wednesday and will ask to start at my new job the 26 of November :)

avazula

17:13

@Noon wooh! I'm so happy for you!

Noon

Thanks :D

@avazula Well, if you like sewing and won't mind making me something, I will definitively give you my address if you make me a "doudou" (teddy bear in English?) :D I don't really like clothes so gifting one to me is generally not the best idea ^^

avazula

@Noon it's true that it'd have been difficult to sew you that you'd have liked without expensively discussing it first :)

I'm all for a teddy bear! What animal would you like?

Noon

@avazula Any kind really, I just love teddy bears! (and even more if they are soft and fluffy :P ) But maybe something that represents you? Maybe something that you like or even your avazula demon avatar?

avazula

17:33

Hah! Then I'll think about what I could sew that would be fluffy and soft :D I don't really have an avatar around, you'd just end up with a blue hippie girl :p

Oh you meant Luci haha

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: Calming a friend with an anger issue in a competitive environment

I like to play a certain video game competitively and I've met a lot of friends by doing so. We usually have the same groups at local tournaments, so I've gotten to know these people enough to call them friends. One in particular though--let's call him Bob--has severe anger issues. He knows he h...

friends conflict-aversion games

Noon

@avazula Yeap, but a blue hippie girl is good too :P

(just so you know, I'm definitively a green hippie girl :D )

@avazula Unrelated but did you saw this recent new? I'm definitively going to buy myself a pizza soon!

Extroverted Main Man

17:53

-1

Q: How to carefully navigate in this possible May-July romance in the workplace?

I think I'm in an intricate and precarious May-June/May-July situation. A woman colleague, let's call her Mary, seems to have a crush on me. She has: clung to my arm while walking, tried to coyly sit right beside me in the corner at the company group meal, asked me if I like her or if I wou...

work-environment romance approach professionalism self-esteem

avazula

@Noon yeah, I saw it this morning! Pizza's gonna tain this week! O/

@Noon ill see what I can do then :)

ElizB

19:11

Just registered for my spring semester in grad school... my last semester!!!! :D

The only one little hitch is that 9 people have registered in one class, but the class capacity is 8.... someone needs to leave and it ain't gonna be me. :P

probably gonna have someone drop out between now and january 24 so i'm not tooooo worried.

Noon

@ElizB Wow that's a very small class! Also, congrats and good luck for your last semester!

ElizB

it's a small school, I like it a lot because it's easier to manage and make friends.

Thanks! I'm super excited to be finishing and I'm thinking of what I want to do with my degree, and my mentor and advisor are helping me a ton :D

Noon

Do you think it will be easy for you to find a job after your graduation?

ElizB

i'm hoping to combine my experience in my internship doing health communication with my environmental health major, maybe give presentations about environmental awareness and how to help people with disabilities understand what is going on with climate change now

Noon

"help people with disabilities understand what is going on with climate change now" -> That might be a stupid question but, do they don't know already?

ElizB

19:23

hmm, those few who are well informed are far in between and the majority of the deaf community are under informed about many, many things- included but not limited to climate change science, general science, medical literacy, etc

Tinkeringbell

@Noon I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint for that webshop. Even though it has a FR setting, they're still setting up the site and take no orders yet. There's even parts that aren't properly translated :(

Noon

@Tinkeringbell Well, thanks for looking anyway :)

apaul

Eww...

Noon

@ElizB I get that the deaf community (and probably other community as well) are under informed in about many things but I would I thought that climate change wasn't one of them. But that might be because you live in the USA and me in France. Here, I believe it's hard to not know about climate change (but I might be completely wrong on that, especially because I used to live in a city who was all about saving the climate because, well, it was a matter off saving us)

@apaul Hey there :)

ElizB

@Noon Yeah, depending on location in the USA people care a lot or not at all. Politics are a mess over climate change. :(

El'endia Starman

19:36

As an example, the state government of my wonderful home state of North Carolina passed a law that said that predictions of sea level rises have to use a linear model.

ElizB

I'm trying to think of the implications of that, can you explain more?

apaul

Eww.

Noon

@El'endiaStarman WTF Oo What the point of doing that? Just banning every serious prediction of sea level rises?

Magisch

crap day at work today

El'endia Starman

@Noon Yeah, the fear-mongering of those scientists are going to hurt our economy. /s

Noon

19:39

@Magisch :/ Want to talk about it?

@El'endiaStarman Yeah, capitalism definitively don't like when people talk about climate change and how it's the fault of... capitalism (over-consumption)

ElizB

so the models for predicting sea level rise have to be adjusted to a linear model? I can get how that will affect their reporting capability

Magisch

@Noon did in the tavern, starts here chat.meta.stackexchange.com/transcript/message/7360484#7360484

Still quite upset about it

Noon

Yeah, your coworker reaction was really inconsiderate :/

El'endia Starman

@Noon Y'know, I haven't actually seen that viewpoint mentioned. As I understand it, the objection against warnings and such regarding climate change is that we shouldn't negatively impact our economy and cause hardships for many people in response to something the Earth does on its own.

@ElizB That was several years ago, so I'm not sure what's happened with that since then, but I'm not confident it's any better.

ElizB

Gotcha.

apaul

19:51

@Magisch Probably overstepping, but... embrace the neuro-diversity. No real reason to hide or be ashamed.

apaul

20:02

cough interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/19825/…

scohe001

@apaul thanks. I didn't want to say anything since it's my own Q, but that definitely needs some eyes

apaul

@scohe001 Ya... that user has something of a habit of posting inappropriate comments/answers...

ElizB

flagged.

apaul

20:39

Awful quiet in here...

ElizB

In class now :)

scohe001

Stan Lee just passed :(

ElizB

I should be paying attention.

Yeah i heard!!!

apaul

No!!!

scohe001

It's a sad day for everyone

ElizB

20:40

:(

scohe001

20:56

On a brighter note, I got the first snow of my life today

Surprisingly colder than I expected

apaul

21:08

"Morbo is not amused by your natural wonderment"

scohe001

Who is this Morbo you speak of?

ElizB

it's predicted to snow later on this week in my area, but i kinda doubt it. we live in a valley area and usually what happens is that the snow shows, but only a flurry, or it doesn't show at all. If there's a snow storm, it'll definitely snow, but usually less than predicted amount, but not always.

scohe001

Ahh you guys are lucky. Does it still get below freezing though?

apaul

@scohe001 Futurama character

scohe001

Ahh I've heard good things but never watched. It's hard to muster up the courage to start those 5+ season shows

ElizB

21:20

it's just about becoming below freezing at night now

last week was pretty cold, and this week is expected to be between freezing and 40-45 F

scohe001

Ooh. Time to wrap up in blankets and get some hot cocoa

Oh boy...

ElizB

Hot cocoa sounds good. Chocolate for my poor cramping tummy.

apaul

22:00

Well, that was fun.

Extroverted Main Man

22:42

0

Q: dealing with parent who seems to think he can be demanding after helping me

Often times my dad rushes me when I'm busy. He just helped me do a small renovation at my home (which I'm grateful for) and once we were done he wanted for us to go for a walk. I needed to take a minute to get ready, do things like wash my hands. He got mad at this and kept yelling for me to hurr...

boundaries parents

Extroverted Main Man

23:27

0

Q: When trying to break into a new social group, how can I gently dissuade someone in the group from isolating me and asking me question after question?

I have joined a trivia group, and I like being part of the group as it's in my local area and might help me make friends, but there is a guy in the group who I think might like me and he keeps kind of cornering me to ask me question after question. It makes me feel like I'm being interrogated as ...

social-event

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