The Awkward Silence

5:00 PM

That being said if the literature about living with people struggling with those disorders is helpful to you don't let that stop you from benefiting from it.

ElizB

Right, I am making sure I am not definitively diagnosing him- I meant that what his habits and tendencies are like... they check an awful lot of boxes of various sources describing narcissism

I am finding many more resources and I am definitely not feeling so alone :)

sphennings

That's good.

ElizB

I have considered more than once going No Contact with him, like my 21 year old sister has already done...

Issue here is that my 16 year old sister is still stuck and VERY fed up. My question: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/16538/…

sphennings

@ElizB If you can make it work avoiding toxic parents I'd strongly recommend it.

ElizB

That most recent fiasco about his not receiving a gift in front of everyone THEN on top of that my dad texts and expresses to her that he doesn't believe she's really sorry...

@sphennings I am in "low contact" mode, right now but still struggle with guilty feelings and insecure boundaries with my dad. Gonna see a counselor later today to discuss that.

@sphennings my mom is thankfully not toxic. She saw him through and supports me and my siblings. She's also thankfully not mean towards him.

Rainb

5:06 PM

How do I give value through texts

sphennings

@Rainb What do you mean by give value?

ElizB

@Rainb Give value to the relationship?

Rainb

@ElizB sure

@sphennings I mean like, giving value to them, for free

giving them something that they value

sphennings

@ElizB That sounds like a rough situation to be in.

ElizB

@Rainb Can you give us a little more information? Oh, maybe like words of affirmation?

Support?

Rainb

5:09 PM

@ElizB what are words of affirmation?

sphennings

@Rainb Pretty much what it says on the tin. Words of "emotional support or encouragement."

ElizB

They are things you say to someone else that validates and affirms what they're saying, especially if they're struggling with something. Example:
A: I did X, I don't know whether I did this right.
B: Wow, thank you A, for doing X! There's no right or wrong way!

So B gave words of affirmation to A for doing X

Rainb

What.. if theyŕe not struggling

wait

ElizB

@Rainb Okay, good point. If you give a compliment, that can be affirmation too.

Rainb

oh crap I suck at giving compliments

ElizB

5:13 PM

Okay, I understand where you're coming from.

sphennings

A good compliment should be an honest expression of praise or admiration of something that the recipient has control over.

ElizB

Thank you @sph

Rainb

Ahh

that it has control over?

can I have an example

or 3

sphennings

If I said "You did great winning that coin toss" I'm not really expressing admiration about the recipient.

It's pure luck. They had nothing to do with it.

ElizB

like their clothing selection, their hair, how well they do in their work...

Rainb

5:17 PM

oh yeah, I really like girls that wear jeans

sphennings

That's not a compliment. That's expressing a preference. They don't have control over your preference.

It's also best if the compliments are genuine not things that you're saying because you're trying to compliment someone.

Rainb

Yeah, I'm not very good at this

ElizB

If you were wearing jeans that I like the design of, I would say "I like the design of the jeans you picked."

sphennings

It often comes off as subtly disingenuous, and tends to have the opposite of the intended effect.

Why are you trying to compliment someone?

ElizB

@Rainb please don't despair and give up, just because it's hard now! I am impressed at your efforts to learn how to go about doing it in a way that's beneficial to you and the other person, and please keep asking questions. I do not think the questions are silly at all, you have valid questions :)

doppelgreener

5:23 PM

I remember back in primary school and for a lot of high school I didn't understand social situations very well either, or how people worked

Rainb

yeah

this shit aint natural

sphennings

A good complement shouldn't be transactional. Remember it's simply an expression of admiration. If you're trying to get something from someone by complimenting them it often feels forced.

Rainb

the opposite

doppelgreener

At some point I thought interacting them was a deterministic transaction, like how computers work: if I provide the same input I should get back the same output. But people don't work that way.

Rainb

I need to give them value

instead of taking it away

@doppelgreener don't they though

Mithrandir

5:25 PM

Y'all are being very patient here. Admirable :)

Rainb

Patient.. against what?

doppelgreener

@Rainb Well if I give someone a joke, that's funny, but if I give it to them twice, it isn't, and if I give it to them while they're busy studying, it isn't.

Rainb

yeah but that's because you didn't consider other variables

doppelgreener

@Rainb at a basic level, "giving someone value" isn't something specific you do, so much as just having meaningful positive interaction with someone. (And even "sit down and have a meal together" when it's welcome can be a meaningful positive interaction.)

ElizB

Hey, my husband struggles with these social situations too, so I understand some of the process of figuring out why and how human social situations work the way they do.

Rainb

5:27 PM

yeah on a deterministic program, you can also have states as well, I'm not saying that people are deterministic though

they could however be

doppelgreener

I used to sorta think like they were

sphennings

People especially don't like being treated like deterministic systems.

Rainb

ah, damn it

doppelgreener

The way I tend to think about it is just that like... people out there, like me, have comfort levels, things they enjoy or don't enjoy, things they're interested in or want to do, and so on. I consider what I can do to contribute to them, or at least not subtract from them -- and I also consider what I want to do. When it's something I want to do that can also contribute to them, I'd like to do that.

But that means the answer is over there in considering them as a person, not over here considering what I should do.

It also means sometimes there is nothing I can do to contribute, or the person's nice and all but I don't have much to do with them, which happens and is OK.

Rainb

oh

doppelgreener

5:32 PM

Understanding how to hold a conversation takes learning and practice. My parents were not very social, so my brother and I got under-exposed to how to socialise as kids, so had to figure it out ourselves instead. Other people who converse well have had practice and exposure to social situations. But, they also can take their time to consider how they want to respond, because it's not always easy or straightforward.

In movies responses are always awesome but that's because someone's spent minutes or hours contemplating that one line or scene on a script.

IPS Comment Bot

@sphennings great comment, I agree that the point here is to answer and not judge. I wasn't passing judgement as much as explaining why I will not suggest shaming the coworkers (as other answers have suggested). In the end, I did suggest a way to stop the problem: go through HR on the basis that this is stopping OP and her coworkers from working. — Alexandre Aubrey 56 secs ago

#16642 Alexandre Aubrey (706 rep) | A: How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: -1) | posted 1 hours ago by Alexandre Aubrey (706 rep) | Toxicity 0.09877939

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

sphennings

@IPSCommentBot TP

doppelgreener

In real life it is OK to pause and think about how we'd like to respond before we do so, including considering what kinds of responses we could offer that would further the conversation in a way we're interested in. Like asking to hear more about that thing they just mentioned, or responding with a joke, or changing the topic if we're uncomfortable, or challenging something they said, or so on.

ElizB

Is being deterministic also taking someone for granted?

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings Is it though? It's an OP maybe providing further clarification on their own answer ;)

Rainb

5:34 PM

I take everyone for ungranted.

doppelgreener

@ElizB Deterministic at least as I'm using it would be the computer term, where always the same state and input == the same output... and treating someone determinstically is not so much taking them for granted as just not really understanding what's going on for that person and how they may respond, and not taking that into account because we don't understand it.

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell I read it as being about comments rather than the answer itself. I don't think that it clarifies anything. My comment that they're responding to is trying to keep that comment thread from becoming another side conversation about "censorship"

IPS Comment Bot

Very good answer — Teri0 54 secs ago

#16509 Teri0 (437 rep) | A: Talking to boyfriend about his close female friends (score: 17) | posted 3 days ago by jcmack (482 rep) | Toxicity 0.012859883 | edited 3 days ago by jcmack (482 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

doppelgreener

@IPSCommentBot tp

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings Ah. Okay. I'll take a look.

ElizB

5:37 PM

@doppelgreener ah, alright. hmm. I was trying to figure out if that's what my husband is thinking, because when he sleeps past his alarm clock, I usually poke him to wake him, and that helps. I have also expressed to him that I'm his wife, not his mother. We'll be having a discussion on that topic tonight, so I wanted to poke and prod that idea some more, so I can fully explain where i'm coming from.

It's not that he isn't listening to me, I want to know how I can help him most efficiently while not becoming his mother :P

@Rainb If you have any more questions, please ask away, I don't want to distract from your original topic. :)

Rainb

@ElizB I guess it just reminds me of myself

IPS Comment Bot

-1 Imagine there's a closeted coworker in the office. Does this response make them feel any more welcome? — Azor Ahai 8 secs ago

#16625 Azor Ahai (240 rep) | A: How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: 17) | posted 4 hours ago by Daniel (5253 rep) | Toxicity 0.36718643 | edited 2 hours ago by Community (1 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

ElizB

@Rainb How so?

Rainb

well that part about the mother thing, etc. lol

ElizB

Ah, gotcha. Which perspective are you speaking from? my husband's or mine?

doppelgreener

5:44 PM

@ElizB I'm open for more questions about that if you've got any. o/

I mean I untrained myself from that maybe 15 years ago, but it was with me for a while as I tried to figure out social situations and people in general as a kid (and learned wrong, initially).

Rainb

husband's

dont look too much into it

it was just an opinion

ElizB

@doppelgreener Thanks! I'm trying to get my tired brain to wake up so I can discuss :) I love a good discussion, and stuff like this isn't taught by most parents, these days...

Tinkeringbell

@avazula are you by any chance around?

ElizB

@Rainb Your opinion counts, y'know? :)

doppelgreener

I've spent a lot of time thinking about my own upbringing and how it's affected how I turned out, from the things I'm really thankful for to the things that really could've been handled better. One thing for sure is if I raise a kid I want to expose them to more social situations earlier.

Rainb

5:48 PM

hmm

doppelgreener

That way they can figure things out earlier, and I can show them things about socialising with others.

Rainb

are you a socializing teacher

doppelgreener

Me? I would be for a kid.

I'm not in a teaching profession though.

I have had training as a consultant in professional socialising, and just learned all I can from my brother and friends and other stuff.

Rainb

wait what

doppelgreener

(not from questions, but by watching and learning and participating)

Rainb

5:51 PM

is there such a thing such as professional socialising?!

ElizB

@doppelgreener My mom made sure that I was exposed often to make sure I got over the perceived barrier (not her perception, others mostly) of my deafness, because deaf people have a tendency not to be overly social simply because of their deafness (inability to hear and/or understand others in a conversation larger than two people)

Rainb

are you deaf?

doppelgreener

Professional socialising meaning socialising in the workplace or in an adjacent setting (like meeting colleagues for lunch) and maintaining a professional appearance and atmosphere all the while.

sphennings

@Rainb Sure there is. If you're working front of house at an event a large part of your job is going to be being social with people. Salespeople regularly socialize with their clients as part of their job.

doppelgreener

Contractors get judged heavily and must appear professional at all times.

Rainb

5:52 PM

@doppelgreener ah, I suck at that

ElizB

the barrier is still there, but because of my mom's advocacy, I was able to become more of my own advocate and be more aware of what socializing looks like. Lots of practice. :P

doppelgreener

@Rainb I would too without training.

ElizB

@Rainb Yes, I am deaf- born profoundly deaf in both ears, and I hear through Cochlear Implants.

Rainb

@doppelgreener, I'm very interested in this training

sphennings

There are very few jobs that don't have at least a little bit of a social component.

Rainb

5:53 PM

How do I get it

doppelgreener

@ElizB I'm really happy she did that then. :D

Rainb

@sphennings, which ones?

doppelgreener

@Rainb My workplace provided it to me on the job.

sphennings

@Rainb I honestly can't think of one. You'll at a minimum be communicating with whoever signs your paychecks.

doppelgreener

It's over and above what you need for most workplaces.

ElizB

5:54 PM

@doppelgreener the audiologist told my mom i'd never read past a third grade level, never speak, never.... etc etc etc.

basically i'd be dumb.

sphennings

@doppelgreener Do you have a link to any of the literature of the training you went through?

Rainb

@doppelgreener very interested.

doppelgreener

@ElizB Wow that's rough.

Rainb

wait

how do you read without voices in your head

Cause I can't do that

ElizB

@doppelgreener ahem I am getting my masters in public health, speak english and am fluent in american sign language, and am married and happy.... what more do I need? breaking down barriers everywhere, yo. XD

doppelgreener

5:56 PM

@sphennings I don't. Absolutely all of it was in person, vocal and practical, and inside the company. There wasn't written literature.

@ElizB brilliant 💪

@Rainb People who use sign language tend to visualise the signs for the words or letters/sounds they're reading, as I understand it. (The second case has higher reading success.)

ElizB

@doppelgreener I second that, I practiced with my mom, who set me up in certain situations like giving compliments, greeting each other, not talking too much, reading body language, etc

it was through that practice I understood different social situations better, and then when I actually experienced them myself, I learned more

@doppelgreener Actually, I can read with a semi-voice, semi- sign in my head. My mom trained me on english quite intently to ensure I had good literacy (thanks mom!) and when I read, I visualize it like a movie rather than word for word

@doppelgreener I know other deaf folks that do what you say (visualize the signs) and others who just go for word for word, and those who visualize in pictures/movie- style

doppelgreener

Oh cool, ok. :)

Rainb

how do you visualize "the"

doppelgreener

In a fiction novel I'm reading I visualise it movie style while I have an internal voice reading it to me. But I'm trying to practice reading faster than the voice, which takes practice.

ElizB

@Rainb It's not about the individual word, but the whole sentence- "The lazy dog jumps over the log" It's just... part of the sentence to me.

I visualize a dog lazily hopping over a log on the ground. the word "the" doesn't really show up there

scohe001

6:05 PM

@Rainb when you're reading a book, do you visualize "the?" And if so what does it look like? O_O

Rainb

I do read the voice

it sounds like

"the"

Mithrandir

flag-pls, del-pls | NaA | How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

doppelgreener

@Rainb what I think they mean is not that they visualise a word movie style, but they will visualise the narrative the words are expressing. Individual words might have a sign, and they sign the sentence in their mind's eye if they're doing that. The sentence in sign language might not have a sign in that spot since it's not a word-to-word translation necessarily.

Rainb

you know

thinking without a voice is pretty crazy though

Mithrandir

flag-pls, del-pls | NaA | How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

Rainb

6:09 PM

I've done it but purposefully

it requires a lot of mental effort, and many things are not really clear.

ElizB

@doppelgreener Actually, in ASL, the word "the" is not used in individual signs.

Mithrandir

flag-pls, del-pls | NaA | How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

avazula

Sorry @Tinkeringbell, I was in a meeting, hi! Is there something you wanted to tell me?

ElizB

@doppelgreener it is not the same as english grammar. it has english words, but each and every english word does not have a sign.

doppelgreener

@ElizB Gotcha. 👍

Mithrandir

6:11 PM

flag-pls, del-pls | NaA | How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

Rainb

why are those answers wrong? just wonderan

sphennings

@doppelgreener Remember that ASL is an entirely different language family than English or any other Romance language.

ElizB

@doppelgreener Thanks for bringing it up, there's a lot of assumptions about sign languages out there, and I'm more than happy and not offended at all to clear up anything

Mithrandir

@Rainb They're not wrong. They don't answer the question asked.

doppelgreener

@ElizB I remember seeing an ASL interpretation of a song once, where the interpreter was not trying to retell the lyrics literally but was instead just recapturing what they were getting at in ways more naturally expressed in ASL.

Rainb

6:12 PM

@Mithrandir OHHHHHHH

Mithrandir

None of them answer the question about how to convince the wife, and none of them are even frame challenges.

flag-pls, del-pls | NaA | How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

Rainb

frame challenge?

ElizB

@doppelgreener YES! thank you! that's exactly what most music interpretation tries to do.

Rainb

I usually like music. without voice.

Mithrandir

A frame challenge is where you go "here's why what want to do is a bad idea; here's an alternate option; and an answer to the question asked".

Tinkeringbell

6:13 PM

@avazula Well, it seems like your latest question is getting some crappy answers and comments. Are you aware that there's such a thing as a 'controversial post notice'? meta.stackexchange.com/a/302609/369802 ... Having it might help stem the flood a little, and give the mods a bit more 'oomph' when it comes to deleting stuff. But some people don't like having their posts marked 'controversial' so I thought I'd ask you whether you wanted one, or would like to keep it off ;)

Mithrandir

flag-pls, del-pls | NaA | How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

scohe001

@Rainb We actually discussed this on our meta!

16

Q: What is the difference between not answering a question and posting a frame challenge?

What is a frame challenge? We require answers to adress the question. However, some questions may warrant answers questioning whether what the OP wants, really is the best choice. These answers are generally of the form: Don't do [x], do [y] instead. This is generally referred to as a fram...

Mithrandir

flag-pls, del-pls | NaA | How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

doppelgreener

An ASL interpretation of Uprising Muse

►

ElizB

@doppelgreener :D :D :D :D

Mithrandir

6:15 PM

like, this looks like a frame challenge, but I haven't inspected it closely

ElizB

@doppelgreener I'm flattered that you went and found something to post here :D

doppelgreener

I don't know what I'd flag and i can't vtd, but I've downvoted three.

sphennings

@Mithrandir If you feel that those answers should be deleted, could you write a comment explaining why they should be deleted, and perhaps suggesting how to fix the post if you feel that it's salvageable?

doppelgreener

@ElizB This was the one I saw. It was great. :)

Tinkeringbell

@doppelgreener More downvote power is always welcome :D

Mithrandir

6:16 PM

@sphennings I'm trying to formulate one, yes.

@doppelgreener I've flagged all of them as NaA, as they don't actually address the question.

ElizB

@doppelgreener There's a lot out there. :D hehe

IPS Comment Bot

He actually did this already, by going to the gym and by volunteering. It didn't seem to solve the problem, but I agree this is a very good suggestion. — Hopf 1 min ago

#16639 Hopf (51 rep) | A: Helping a 26 years old friend who has never dated anyone (score: 4) | posted 2 hours ago by Daniel (5253 rep) | Toxicity 0.022760598 | edited 1 hours ago by NotThatGuy (2639 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

avazula

@Tinkeringbell I agree with you. Not sure I could get better answers from now. I was so mad at my colleagues when I posted and was desperately trying to find a way to make them stop discussing this while at work (one of them printed the picture of the trans man I was mentioning in my post and hanged it on both men and women restrooms, with a "retarded" unicorn between them).

sphennings

@Mithrandir good luck finding a general comment that works for all of them. I normally write such comments out by hand.

Tinkeringbell

@avazula Okay. I'll go put up the notice then :)

avazula

6:18 PM

@Tinkeringbell please do! Sorry again for the added work...

Tinkeringbell

@avazula No need for you to be sorry. Tell that to all the ... answering and commenting people ;)

doppelgreener

@ElizB I'm given to understand Amber (who made the one I linked) does a lot of good ones.

Tinkeringbell

Actaully, please don't, that'll likely result in even more flags to handle :P

scohe001

@Mithrandir Oops! I was just going through and doing this. If you're in the process of coming up with comments I'll stop :)

avazula

Ahahah! I can't believe there's so many people who subscribe just to give their 2 cents and don't care at all about good practices. They would have been kicked of SO for so long ...

ElizB

6:20 PM

@doppelgreener Yes, she does good videos. I definitely agree on that. She works hard on getting the best interpretation out there and with the best flow

Mithrandir

@scohe001 "answer", not "question"

avazula

What does this controversial mention do anyway? I'm not very familiar with it, only saw once...

scohe001

@Mithrandir Yipes. Good catch. Shows you the kind of week I'm having :P

ElizB

@doppelgreener Yes, she does good videos. I definitely agree on that. She works hard on getting the best interpretation out there and with the best flow

Tinkeringbell

Well, it gives the mods a little nudge for deleting stuff that isn't an answer (but soapboxing an opinion) and comments that aren't asked for clarifying the question. We already always do that, but the notice is supposed to give a head warning (and hopefully stop complaints afterwards).

You're right, it's not used often, so there's not much data on whether or not it actually works (I hope it does!)

Mithrandir

6:22 PM

flag-pls, del-pls | VLQ / NaA | How to ask my local baker if he is always selling freshly baked bread

flag-pls, del-pls | VLQ / NaA | How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people

avazula

@Tinkeringbell okay, thanks for the clarification!

Mithrandir

flag-pls, del-pls | VLQ / NaA | How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people

avazula

I hope it's gonna be better at work tomorrow...

Mithrandir

flag-pls, del-pls | NaA | How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people

flag-pls, del-pls | VLQ / NaA | How to ask my local baker if he is always selling freshly baked bread

Tinkeringbell

@avazula I hope so too... Also, Mith seems to be doing a good job at putting the bad answers in the review queue ;) @Mith if any of the flags get disputed, you can mod-flag ;)

Mithrandir

6:26 PM

@Tinkeringbell I'll go look through my ~100 disputed flags...

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir Okay. Only the ones that you actually commented on :P

And no posting the comment now.

Mithrandir

*raises eyebrow*

IPS Comment Bot

@Randy nope, not at all. — avazula 53 secs ago

avazula

Thanks @Mith :)

IPS Comment Bot

#16620 avazula (5240 rep) | Q: How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: 25) | posted 6 hours ago by avazula (5240 rep) | Toxicity 0.066625945 | edited 2 hours ago by avazula (5240 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

Mithrandir

6:27 PM

@Tinkeringbell I'll take "you" to mean "anyone", though ;)

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir Okay. But only if anyone actually left a comment explaining what was wrong and how it should be improved. The 'try this' autocomment doesn't count! ;)

Mithrandir

picky

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir Duh. Just got the flag count under 10 today. Want to keep it there ;)

Mithrandir

tink-said-i-cant-mod-flag-because-i-didnt-comment | VLQ / NaA | I'm 24 with a 4-year-old son. How to handle uncomfortable questions from people?

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir smart...

scohe001

6:31 PM

@Mithrandir I feel like that one kind of gives some explanation and reasoning behind the script though...

Mithrandir

It says "These sorts of non-answers simply assert that this is your reality and that you are comfortable with it." This has a.) no backup b.) no explanation as to how it does that

ElizB

Agreed

Mithrandir

*sigh* why does IPS get so much deletable stuff compared to other betas

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir It's still less than on some graduated sites ;)

doppelgreener

High standards on what an answer requires which don't exist or get enforced elsewhere

Mithrandir

6:35 PM

@Tinkeringbell I'm pretty sure it gets more than Science Fiction & Fantasy.

ElizB

I personally like those high standards.

doppelgreener

They work!

It's impressive what happens when you want people to only provide solutions based on what they've actually seen really working. ;P

Mithrandir

a bit annoying that i don't have 4k yet and can't VTD, but that's what happens when your standards are high enough that you don't post anything because it won't meet your own standards

i could always ask a question about dealing with the people trying to kick me out IRL but i think that's mostly figured out :p

eyeballs-requested | VLQ / NaA | How can I convincingly communicate to a friend that I don't have a 'personal' mobile number?

doppelgreener

@Mithrandir 👀

Mithrandir

thank you, i'll pass those along to Victor

doppelgreener

6:44 PM

I need them back when Victor's done with them

Mithrandir

...hum, i think he gave them to Adam

Tinkeringbell

@doppelgreener Do you have any back up for that? Have you seen it actually working somewhere? :P

sphennings

Honestly I'd be fine with with the more lax standard of only allowing answers that do more than tell the OP what to do but also include any explanation about why an answer is expected to work. That low standard alone is often enough to get an answer deleted.

Mithrandir

How to ask my local baker if he is always selling freshly baked bread has edited, I'd say it's acceptable now

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir Go give them a thank you and a compliment. Won't hurt to have that lying around for 10 minutes :P

Mithrandir

6:51 PM

meh

Tinkeringbell

Or clean up your comment and upvote :P

At least do something so that they feel rewarded ;) Reward good behavior :)

sphennings

Best to encourage people to actually fix their posts.

Mithrandir

I already deleted the comment.

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings Yeah, but if they do, do something in return. Seeing it pay off is probably the greatest encouragement you can give ;)

Mithrandir

I don't think it's quite worthy of an upvote yet, though. My upvotes are reserved for exceptional content ;)

Tinkeringbell

6:59 PM

@Mithrandir This one is exceptional :P It got edited XD

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell That's a depressingly low but accurate standard.

Tinkeringbell

it's also a joke. There's plenty of posts that do get edited ;)

IPS Comment Bot

7:21 PM

I think the suggested soft complaint is bad advice because 1. It will make the baker think OP normally loves the baguettes even when the OPs question here makes it seem that OP's baguettes are always stale. 2. It makes it seem like the problem is with the specific baguette the day OP asks the baker--when in reality it seems that it's a chronic problem that the baker is serving stale baguettes. I don't think this will get to the root of the problem and it will make addressing the real concern that OP has even more awkward. — spacetyper 1 min ago

#16616 spacetyper (562 rep) | A: How to ask my local baker if he is always selling freshly baked bread (score: 28) | posted 7 hours ago by Daniel (5255 rep) | Toxicity 0.23754409 | edited 7 hours ago by Daniel (5255 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["nln"]

Mithrandir

@IPSCommentBot tp

doppelgreener

@Tinkeringbell Yes! :D For various values of "works"....

Tinkeringbell

@doppelgreener Nice :) Here's to hoping then ;)

Extroverted Main Man

7:55 PM

1

Q: How do I help my girlfriend open up?

So a little background on our relationship. We've been dating for about a year and a half now. We're now getting to the conversation of marriage and I'm super excited to see what the future holds. However, getting her to open up is like pulling teeth with a toothpick. She's told me repeatedly sh...

relationships

ElizB

8:20 PM

This is so similar to where I've been! :D

Sandman

9:11 PM

0

A: Sandbox for Proposed Questions

I had this question How can I tactfully become a passive Member?, which got put on hold as too broad. Is there a way I can formulate it to make it fitting for this site? I am a member in a sports club where I pay a monthly fee and and therefore can visit a group training of my choice with a...

IPS Comment Bot

9:35 PM

I agree with this assessment. In India, they hardly say please and thank you. In fact, it is considered rude to say please and thank you in some places to someone near and dear. They say "You don't have to say please and thank you, I understand your intention. Please don't make me an outsider by using those words." — would_like_to_be_anon 7 secs ago

#16579 would_like_to_be_anon (101 rep) | A: How to get my wife to remember to say "please" (score: 39) | posted 34 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (18913 rep) | Toxicity 0.16414228 | edited 30 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (18913 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

I agree with this assessment. In India, they hardly say please and thank you. In fact, it is considered rude to say please and thank you in some places to someone near and dear. They say "You don't have to say please and thank you, I understand your intention. Please don't make me an outsider by using those words." — would_like_to_be_anon 51 secs ago

#16582 would_like_to_be_anon (101 rep) | A: How to get my wife to remember to say "please" (score: 32) | posted 33 hours ago by AHamilton (1980 rep) | Toxicity 0.16414228

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Concur that this would do little to deter this behavior. Having been around friend and co-workers who routinely make childish homophobic remarks. I have tried to turn it on them where they just further their joke by agreeing with it and pretend to do something sexual or stereotypical. People who don't care or have thick skin are not the type to suddenly turn bashful when a joke is pointed at them. Rather they will quickly come up with an even "wittier" response. This may work for some, but it's not fool proof, and as other said, it's a fast track to HR. — ggiaquin16 1 min ago

#16625 ggiaquin16 (2219 rep) | A: How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: 20) | posted 8 hours ago by Daniel (5255 rep) | Toxicity 0.46095464 | edited 6 hours ago by Community (1 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Sounds good, thanks ! — AutoJim 21 secs ago

#16659 AutoJim (48 rep) | A: How to tell a classmate I don’t want to give him a contact for an internship? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Sojourner (290 rep) | Toxicity 0.010681849

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

Extroverted Main Man

9:50 PM

0

Q: How do I deal with coworkers messing with me because of my shyness?

I've worked at my job for over a year and I barely speak to anyone. I'm very much a loner and don't prefer socializing or interacting with others, I keep to myself. My other coworkers know this and until recently I assumed they understood and were fine with this, but lately I've noticed behavior ...

conflict-aversion work-environment awkward-situations

IPS Comment Bot

10:28 PM

Given their response to you indicating that your mother does not identify in a binary way, I'm not sure that there is anything that you can do. Especially considering how things have gone before, they may view any attempts at curbing their behavior as more fodder for humor. The only reason that people change is (this is an oversimplification) pain. Sometimes that pain is the uncomfortable realization that someone needs to change their behavior. Other times that pain is workplace disciplinary action. My guess is these folks will only respond to the latter. — John Doe 1 min ago

#16620 John Doe (159 rep) | Q: How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: 32) | posted 10 hours ago by avazula (5278 rep) | Toxicity 0.23754409 | edited 6 hours ago by avazula (5278 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

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