The Awkward Silence

Extroverted Main Man

00:00

0

Q: Is it impolite to exchange a dialogue via text in a professional environment?

I had been confronted several times in a professional environment where a contact is initiated by e-mail or via some social media (LinkedIn, WhatsApp, ...) and the person in the other side asks for a phone discussion to ask some trivial questions that often could be easily be asked on a single e-...

Jesse

00:30

@scohe001 how many?

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How can I wait in line for the bathroom without crowding people as they exit?

When I'm in a public establishment and there's a wait for the bathroom, I prefer not to stand too close to the door, because then I'm right in the face of the person exiting. In particular, I think exiting a bathroom is a time when most people would least like to have a stranger right in their...

public-issues strangers

scohe001

00:47

@Jesse Just one but it'll take a while and the bulb has to really want to change

Jesse

ayyy there we go xD

scohe001

Hahaha :P

IPS Comment Bot

05:15

+1, I love the diagram modification! Small thing--I'd move the "Also, whenever..." to below the diagram. I thought the diagram would be showing something to do with that paragraph since that's what it was immediately after. Might be better to put the diagram up with your explanation of it. Just my thoughts tho, this answer is strong either way! — scohe001 23 secs ago

#14661 scohe001 (1997 rep) | A: How can I wait in line for the bathroom without crowding people as they exit? (score: 3) | posted 3 hours ago by J A (1037 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by J A (1037 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

Introverted Meta Man.

1

Q: Do we have a problem with people answering questions that they don't know the answer to?

It seems like we have users who tend to answer out of what they believe to be "common sense" and in some of our more general, everyday sort of questions some of these even sound like reasonable answers. The common sense applied seems to fit, the OP is content with the answer, future readers seem ...

discussion answers

IPS Comment Bot

06:14

They are going to do that regardless. The only way to get around that is to lie.... A concussion isn't a disability by the way, you don't have the rights to most disability spots in most countries. You do however have the right to ask non-disabled seat sitters to move. It may be hard to believe, but people don't judge others who use disabled spots. They judge you more if you don't tell them why. — insidesin 55 secs ago

#14459 insidesin (101 rep) | Q: How can I request someone to give up their seat to me on public transport if I have an invisible disability? (score: 88) | posted 3 days ago by Belle-Sophie (1319 rep) | edited 43 hours ago by Belle-Sophie (1319 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Mithrandir

06:50

SwiftKey just told me I've logged 1,000,000 keystrokes. That probably means I type too much on my phone.

IPS Comment Bot

07:31

@RussellBorogove if it sounds like a duck and quacks like a duck.......I was just trying to see what reaction the op expects from people who may stand negative towards their unconventional type of relationship. — Pieter B 13 secs ago

#14535 Pieter B (683 rep) | Q: How to introduce metamours without causing awkwardness? (score: 47) | posted 54 hours ago by paperpapaya (241 rep) | edited 31 hours ago by paperpapaya (241 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

IPS Comment Bot

07:58

Why do you have to decide? Why doesn't your girlfriend tell her mother that she can't come? This lady asked her, not you. If the mother asked you directly, then obviously you'd have to discuss it with your girlfriend since it's her mother, but given that the mother asked her and she doesn't want her other in the trip, you are not the one who should be making a call here, IMO. — walen 1 min ago

#14624 walen (633 rep) | Q: How can I deny a request from the mother of my girlfriend to tag along on our road trip? (score: 16) | posted 17 hours ago by A.Danzi (372 rep) | edited 47 minutes ago by A.Danzi (372 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Extroverted Main Man

1

Q: How to communicate to a new coworker, that I am not comfortable being touched?

Last week a new coworker joined our team, and yesterday we were both invited to eat lunch in the work cafeteria with some other colleagues that I have known for around a year and a half. As me, him and another colleague that I know quite well (and would describe as a friend) went to leave through...

work-environment awkward-situations politeness coworkers

SQB

08:23

Wait, 5 questions on the HNQ?

Belle-Sophie

@SQB is that unusual?

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How to implie that the gift is meant for the two of us

The birthday of a friend is coming up. A month after that, there is a concert we both like to see. So giving those concert tickets would be a great gift. If I just gift her two tickets, she might want to use one too take an other friend. So how do I clarify that the other ticket is for me, with...

gifts birthdays

SQB

I'd say.

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

@Mithrandir whoa dude. Harsh. You broke my heart

Seriously though, I'm famous for changing my name?

I haven't changed it since, like, the Spiderman with Andrew Garfield

Belle-Sophie

I'm pretty frustrated atm. I'm leading a guild in World of Warcraft. I've helped create this guild from the ground up some 5 years ago, been a member in good standing for some good 2 years before I took a break, came back after a half a year, took the guild through some difficult times a few months later and been guild leader for two years now. Well, now I had a family member in the hospital and I've not been very active for a few weeks.

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

08:32

Cries like Toby Maguire

Belle-Sophie

I noticed that the officers, the people who are meant to help me lead, didn't really do much, besides one person. As the leader, I take responsibility for that. I haven't been there for 2 months or so, but I suggested some management changes earlier this week. Giving people specific roles and tasks, so I can figuratively slap them when they don't do their assigned task, instead of getting this 'no one is responsible' situation.

user5389107

@Belle-Sophie It's hard to make that work with something as inconsequential as a wow guild, unless you have a strong community outside of the game going

Belle-Sophie

Now, someone who left half a year ago, but is friends with one of the current officers and my husband, heard of this. He's been messaging my husband and saying all kinds of rude things about me :\

IPS Comment Bot

if you would this to me, I would instantly dislike you. you are withholding a gift in exchange for my agreement to spend time together, i.e., you put me in front of a choice "give up your free will or don't get the gift". to hell with you and the gift, imho. — Federico 13 secs ago

#14669 Federico (473 rep) | A: How to implie that the gift is meant for the two of us (score: 4) | posted 11 minutes ago by SQB (3472 rep) | edited 13 seconds ago by SQB (3472 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

user5389107

@Belle-Sophie Sounds like standard issue wow drama

Belle-Sophie

08:38

@user5389107 It is, but I'll do my best! We have a pretty strong community. Unfortunately, two core members that did a lot quit the game and their replacements don't show as much initiative as the members who left.

Yep!

user5389107

I burned way more time on wow legion then I ought to

Belle-Sophie

It's such a horrible time sink xD

I don't mind solving all the 'drama'. I'm getting pretty good at it. I don't like the rude talking behind my back by this ex-member, though. What is he thinking, that my husband wouldn't tell me?

IPS Comment Bot

I would appreciate if the downvote would get explained. — Federico 26 secs ago

#14668 Federico (473 rep) | A: How to imply that the gift is meant for the two of us (score: 0) | posted 21 minutes ago by Federico (473 rep) | edited 16 minutes ago by Federico (473 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

A J

@SQB 7

SQB

Wow.

user5389107

08:48

@Belle-Sophie Yeah I got every class to max level, every class mount, almost every artifact challenge and all the AOTC achieves in legion

In brief, a lot of time for a whole lot of not much at all

Belle-Sophie

@user5389107 Whoa, that's dedication. I only have 4 chars at max level, 3 artifact challenges and I'm hopefully getting a boost for the last AotC next week xD

I have a work meeting in 10 minutes, I think with a photograph, so I'm gonna run :) Cya all later!

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: Who is right in the handling of this argument?

Two individuals - family members. They are out, member #1 runs to the car to use his laptop so he can book his work shifts for the week via Internet (tethered to his phone). This booking needs to take place within a 60 second window or else all shifts for the week will be taken. Places the phone...

family argument

IPS Comment Bot

09:07

This sounds like a problem out of a antrophology textbook. Why post it here? — user5389107 1 min ago

#14671 user5389107 (8399 rep) | Q: Who is right in the handling of this argument? (score: -1) | posted 23 minutes ago by user1299028 (99 rep) | edited 22 minutes ago by A J (5973 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Federico

@IPSCommentBot feel free to move the whole thing to chat @AJ

user5389107

@Mithrandir Your meta answer raises an interesting point. If they're "fully gdpr compliant" then they would indeed have to delete your account unless they're selective about who it applies to (which they have stated they are not)

Mithrandir

That... would really suck.

Federico

@SQB sorry, I can't like your answer there, suggesting that option as a first resort is really the opposite of everything I have ever been taught about gifts.

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir What meta answer?

user5389107

09:11

@Mithrandir But good point bringing it up, since the statement that they'll be gdpr compliant regardless of location directly contradict the statement in the TOS (that its 16 for europe and 13 for everywhere else)

Mithrandir

1

A: Brace yourselves: The GDPR is coming!

Our goals in this update are to ensure we're fully GDPR-compliant, that the rights and protections afforded by the GDPR are extended to all of our users, regardless of location How does this apply to underage users? According to GDPR, a user has to be at least 16. Is this going to apply to u...

user5389107

one of the "protections offered by gdpr" is that they can't do anything with your data unless you're 16 and older

ArtOfCode

@Mith see TL from a few days ago for SE's last statement on that

but you're definitely over 16 anyway, aren't you

aren't you

Mithrandir

@ArtOfCode I'll take a look, but best for that to be public though

@ArtOfCode few months still

ArtOfCode

aren't you

:P

Tinkeringbell

09:14

@Mithrandir You're sixteen now. Happy Birthday! :D

Mithrandir

Oh, hey, look at that

A J

@ArtOfCode but GDPR doesn't apply for him, does it?

ArtOfCode

4

A: Brace yourselves: The GDPR is coming!

Our goals in this update are to ensure we're fully GDPR-compliant, that the rights and protections afforded by the GDPR are extended to all of our users, regardless of location How does this apply to underage users? According to GDPR, a user has to be at least 16. Is this going to apply to u...

Mithrandir

Now I'll disappear, conserve mobile data

ArtOfCode

puff of smoke

Tinkeringbell

09:17

@Mithrandir I don't think you'll have anything to worry about. If you need someone to confirm you're sixteen, just ping me :P

user5389107

I'm almost 100% certain stack won't go around mass deleting existing accounts of younger users due to gdpr coming into effect

that would be a poor use of dev and cm time and destructive at the same time

ArtOfCode

Yeah, didn't you definitely send me some ID that said you're over 16 for some reason

totally unrelated of course

A J

We gotta celebrate Mith's sixteenth birthday. :D

user5389107

Also didn't y'all hear? Mith turned 16 a couple of weeks ago

2

Tinkeringbell

@user5389107 The only thing when it might get nasty is if you have a hater, that flags your account :/

ArtOfCode

09:18

@Tinkeringbell "oh whoops I guess I didn't see that flag"

user5389107

we had a party and all that

art was there, most of charcoal was in fact

Tinkeringbell

@ArtOfCode Waaaait... I can do that? :D

@user5389107 Why wasn't I invited? :P

user5389107

You were there too

ArtOfCode

@Tinkeringbell you're a volunteer, you have no obligation to do anything :P

Tinkeringbell

@user5389107 Blackout drunk again, wasn't I?

user5389107

09:19

"oops, I forgot to forward this to the cm's"

"contact us form must've bugged out, sry"

SQB

@Federico No problem. You do make a valid point, that I've now addressed in my answer.

Tinkeringbell

@ArtOfCode That's nasty :P I'm pretty sure if I'd had gone through an election with an attitude like that, my nomination would have been scrapped :P

ArtOfCode

If you're going to process flags then you have a duty to the community to do so correctly, but... ain't nobody says ya gotta process every flag

user5389107

See the point here is we all agree that regulation to protect people shouldn't be wielded as a weapon against them

Tinkeringbell

@ArtOfCode That's so unfair! What sites were you modding again? I'll stay away from raising flags there :P

user5389107

09:20

Nobody here is an agent of stack exchange inc, and what that agent may legally need to do isn't always in the best interest of your community as a moderator

A J

@Tinkeringbell Literature

ArtOfCode

@Tinkeringbell Hey, I process flags fine most of the time... I just hate reporting underage users, and this is only going to make it worse.

Tinkeringbell

@user5389107 I think if you look far enough, there might even be a loophole to construct that every user has to be 16 at the time of signing up after GDPR... I dunno, is it retroactive?

@ArtOfCode True, if they're good users ;)

user5389107

Stack also doesn't like deleting them

And tim has stated nobody has an obligation to search

Tinkeringbell

GDPR is retroactive... Ugh.

ArtOfCode

09:22

so... <.< >.> oh what a flag? ...naaah

SQB

I still think "I invite you to {$activity} with me" is a valid gift under normal circumstances, but if you give a gift you should always be prepared for rejection of your gift and especially if it does come with strings attached.

Tinkeringbell

@SQB Oooh! Anecdote: Guy I went to highschool with gave me two tickets to the movies. I went to Cars2 with my youngest brother :P No idea the guy was trying to flirt until he remembered me years later :P

A J

@Federico You look different on IPS. :P

ArtOfCode

@SQB s/{$/${/

SQB

@ArtOfCode Both work. I didn't specify the language.

Federico

09:24

@AJ my IPSs are strange :P

ArtOfCode

@SQB I'm a JS guy :P

user5389107

@Tinkeringbell I had the opposite problem once

ArtOfCode

@user5389107 what, nobody gave you tickets? ;)

user5389107

I gave someone 2 tickets to a movie they'd been talking about wanting to see with their friend for their birthday and had to clarify I wasn't trying to ask them out

In fact I had zero intention to see the movie myself

SQB

Ah. I encountered this in PHP, were the $ is tied to the name of the variable. Even though both {$X} and ${X} work, I prefer the former.

Tinkeringbell

09:26

Worst part for me was that my Mom tried to fix it... 'You really shouldn't go to that movie with your brother, it was you that got the tickets from Guy'...

Yeah, so they're mine and I can go with brother. I have no intention of going twice

SQB

Jimmy Fallon Blew a Chance to Date Nicole Kidman

►

Tinkeringbell

@user5389107 That's awkward. :P

Federico

@Tinkeringbell and that's why I suggested "give them to her, and mention that you would be happy to go with her, but don't expect it"

Tinkeringbell

@Federico I think that'd be awkward though, depending on how silly the Guy is ;)

user5389107

@Tinkeringbell And in that context, "It's not that you're ugly, I'm just asexual" is not a valid excuse that doesn't hurt any feelings, even if it's true

The awkward level was off the charts that day

Tinkeringbell

09:29

@user5389107 Yeah, that's not that good of a comeback :P

Federico

@Tinkeringbell why do you think so? sincerely.

user5389107

@Tinkeringbell I'm not very good at lying, so I blurted out the truth. Wasn't a good idea

Tinkeringbell

@Federico It needs a certain posture and level of confidence to pull that off, to look like you're completely neutral in the matter. If I look back at the guy that tried this with me, if he'd have tried saying that, I would have seen a begging puppy

@user5389107 Maybe it was better than lying... I mean, if you had lied you might have ended up entangled in the whole thing and going anyway

Federico

@Tinkeringbell ok, I see the point.

IPS Comment Bot

I disagree with your final sentence. There are plenty of valid answers on here detailing exactly how to do just that. — Korthalion 1 min ago

#14636 Korthalion (296 rep) | A: How can I deny a request from the mother of my girlfriend to tag along on our road trip? (score: 7) | posted 16 hours ago by J. Fabian Meier (189 rep) | edited 9 hours ago by Jesse (4549 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Tinkeringbell

09:33

@Federico It's not that it's impossible, but he kinda was the goofy guy at school... You need to able to be very, very casual when pulling that off :) I've heard of people doing it successfully though :)

Federico

@Tinkeringbell yes yes, seriously, I understand what you mean. I definitely fall in the goofy spectrum, so that explains why I have basically never been successful at anything remotely like that. But I am still convinced is a more honest way to give a gift. If I know you want something, and I want to give you a gift, I would need to be a special kind of ahole to force you to decide to either spend time with the goofy kid or don't do the thing you like

SQB

@Tinkeringbell That was a bad movie, by the way. I went with my eldest son, who was 5 then. We had Cars on DVD, which he liked. But in the opening scenes, we see the badly mangled corpse of the secret agent we just met in the previous scene, and we see another secret agent being tortured to death later on.

Cars 2 Kill Count

►

user5389107

@Federico presumably nothing would bar her from buying these concert tickets herself and going on her own if she doesn't want to go with OP

But I agree it's not a good idea

highly conditional gifts for birthdays are poor social form

Unless you can very reasonably anticipate the response

Tinkeringbell

@Federico Wait, what kind of gift are we talking about? I got vouchers, so I could pick who I wanted to go with > I could do the thing I liked and choose to spend it with the goofy kid or my brother ;)

Federico

@Tinkeringbell exactly, that's what I suggest in my answer. SQB suggests to tell her "either come with me or buy the tickets yourself"

Tinkeringbell

09:39

@Federico I'd... not do that for a birthday, at the birthday itself. Of course you can ask 'Hey, I'm going to a concert, wanna come?' 'OOOH, yes'! Great, your birthday is coming up right? Lemme buy you the ticket as a birthday present

SQB

@Federico well, I've edited my answer, since.

Tinkeringbell

But not at the party itself...

Federico

@SQB it is still your suggestion, even with the caveat

Tinkeringbell

I'll take a look at the actual question and answers :P

SQB

@Federico you're free to vote it down if you disagree with it.

You've raised a valid point which I've tried to address in my answer. I still think that the idea of an invitation to go do an activity together is a valid gift in general, be it with some caveats.

Federico

09:50

@SQB fyi, op has updated the question

SQB

@Federico Yes, I just noticed.

I'll leave my caveat as it now is, though. It may be culturally depended, but I'm Dutch like the querant, and a gift like this is not unusual.

Belle-Sophie

10:14

I guess it really depends... I'm Dutch too. There are some friends I would take to a concert as a gift and some other friends that I don't think would appreciate it. I think @user5389107 summed it up really well with "Unless you can very reasonably anticipate the response"

Tinkeringbell

Wow! Soo many Dutch people here :D

Belle-Sophie

Dutch people are everywhere! Both on the internet and IRL! Can't avoid them going on vacation either.

Tinkeringbell

@Belle-Sophie Hahaha yeah that's true... Maybe if you go somewhere far away and big you might not notice them... but we're everywhere! :D

Belle-Sophie

I bought my parents concert tickets for a concert abroad I knew they really wanted to go to. I booked flights and a hotel and a restaurant too. That was a gift with strings attached, they had to go together. But I knew they'd love that.

SQB

@Tinkeringbelle-Sophie. I just noticed that.

Tinkeringbell

10:20

@Belle-Sophie I did pull off the trick I described above on a parent: chat.stackexchange.com/transcript/message/44682877#44682877

I'd never just book a thing and send them away :P They're too busy for that, I'd certainly interfere with their plans ;)

Belle-Sophie

I just told them to book the day off work without specifying a reason ;)

They had been looking at a different venue the band was also playing it

That gift was a bit of a thing xP

The concert was in October, their anniversary was in October and the tickets went on sale in December. Tickets sold out in seconds. I managed to buy two, my parents tried as well, but got none. They were so sad that they failed, since they had never seen the band live and they announced this as their last tour. They didn't know I had the tickets.

Tinkeringbell

@Belle-Sophie Nice :D

Belle-Sophie

Some two weeks later I told them I had a little trip planned for their anniversary, asked if the weekend a week after their anniversary was okay and asked them to book those days off.

They had no idea!

When I had their approval, I booked them flights and a hotel

Tinkeringbell

That sounds great... :) They must have had the time of their lives!

Belle-Sophie

They thought I booked them a weekend to Valencia or something. Little did they know...

My mom actually cried when she received the news. I don't think I can ever replicate anything like that gift ever again.

A J

10:28

free flags underneath this post. :P

Belle-Sophie

I hope I didn't set any expectations for their next big anniversary

But yeah, moral of the story, it can work, it can work very well even, especially if you make arrangements, but you must be absolutely sure if the recipient will appreciate it

Federico

10:59

what's the term that I've seen around here to refer to the act of challenging the hypothesis behind a question?

SQB

X-Y problem?

Federico

found it, I was thinking about the "frame challenge"

SQB

@Mithrandir I'm curious if the GDPR allows for freezing of a minor's account until the date that minor is old enough to have an account themselves.

Tinkeringbell

@SQB Probably not: The whole point is about the storage of data... freezing it would mean you're still storing the data somewhere

SQB

Yeah, you're probably right.

Still, it's a shame there's no way to grandfather in existing accounts.

(My eldest son just lied about his age).

is:q closed:no score:..-1

Interesting.

13 questions that score below 0, yet haven't been closed.

Mithrandir

11:14

It wouldn't be the first time I've been underage on SE *wry grin*

Federico

@SQB why do you think that's a problem?

got 68 on aviation :D

IPS Comment Bot

+1 as I've done exactly this. @SirDuckduck - I went down this route with my brother's birthday present once. I made a "ticket" (more like a poster really) on an A4 piece of paper which said "I'm taking you to see... Barbarians vs The World, Twickenham stadium 4.30pm on Saturday 15th May" and then added a web-sourced image of the Barbarians in action. — AndyT 1 min ago

#14669 AndyT (1105 rep) | A: How to imply that the gift is meant for the two of us (score: 21) | posted 2 hours ago by SQB (3624 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by SQB (3624 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

SQB

@Federico I don't think it's a problem, I just think it's interesting.

Federico

ah, ok

SQB

They're question that weren't received very well, yet they weren't so bad that they needed to be closed.

sphennings

11:18

@SQB Or the community was split on closing them.

SQB

@sphennings Perhaps.

I do think they are worthy of further attention; either by editing to improve them, or by voting to close them after all.

Cronax

Another Dutch person here, just got back from lunch :D

I was wondering, for those who are not Dutch, what the perception is on inviting someone to a concert without inviting their significant other

Tinkeringbell

Time for some moderation spoon-feeding: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/14258/1599. Duplicate answer of both what is tried in the question and two other answers...

Cronax

for me and the people I know it would seem like a very normal and everyday thing and wouldn't expect anyone to find it odd

@Tinkeringbell I suspect you'll get an answer like "well I added this pretty picture"

Tinkeringbell

@Cronax That's not good enough. You can edit peoples answers to improve them :P

Also, the shoe-rack was mentioned in the question... as in 'I've tried that already'

Cronax

11:26

Note that I'm not implying it's a valid answer :D

Tinkeringbell

@Cronax Hahaha ;) I just thought I'd answer with 'edit peoples answers to improve them' nonetheless: That's not really happening very often over here. If you see something and know a great source for it, please feel free to add it :)

Cronax

@Tinkeringbell I'm guessing that on IPS answers feel more personal since they often tend to include anecdotal evidence for why a given approach can work and that this is the reason why people don't really want to touch other people's answers

Tinkeringbell

@Cronax True... but it's kind off annoying ;) We're dealing with an automatic flag on this answer now (like discussed here), because it's had so many answers... And some of them are really tough to moderate ;)

For example: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/14238/1599

It's suggesting adding another visual (non-verbal) sign... But it doesn't really explain why it chooses this, why it works better than verbal communication/enforcement

Then again, the question doesn't ask for how to enforce the rule verbally

or non-verbally :)

So, everyone will chime in and have a valid answer :)

Cronax

Honestly I think it's a fundamental issue on stackexchange, that a lot of visitors don't realize that the site doesn't just exist to answer specific questions for people

Tinkeringbell

@Cronax Nope. I would have loved to seen an answer focusing on the skill of enforcement, rather than on the things you can use to enforce a rule :)

Cronax

11:39

very true

a long-term vs short term solution

Tinkeringbell

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/14365/1599 isn't backed up?

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/14481/1599 is ... interesting to say the least?

Cronax

the first one you link, I'm not sure I see the problem, I think that answer should just be deleted since it's a low quality answer and it adds nothing new

Tinkeringbell

@Cronax That's where flags come in ;) I'll put it in the review queue, people get mad when mods do that kinda stuff singlehandedly :P

Mithrandir

@Tinkeringbell meh

Tinkeringbell

Yeah, meh. But it hasn't been flagged yet .

Mithrandir

11:44

if you are confident enough in your decision to defend it on meta, i don't see any issue

Cronax

That's a good point, I never really use the ability to flag stuff on stackexchange sites unless it's blatant spam. I should probably start doing that more

Tinkeringbell

@Cronax If you could, it would be appreciated :)

@Mithrandir ^See, that's why an occasional reminder to go with flags is better than defending stuff on meta :P

Mithrandir

@Cronax Please do. Flags form the secondary basis of the self-moderation system used by the Stack Exchange network.

2

(Votes form the first basis.)

I am now thinking of this:

We need a special holiday to honor the countless kind souls with unsecured networks named 'linksys'.

Cronax

Consider my flagging cherry popped :P

Mithrandir

I'm not at home. First thing I did was try to get the internet here working ;)

Cronax

11:51

I always feel bad when I see a question with a ton of answers and none of them seems correct to me...so I consider adding another answer even though it's unlikely to get upvoted...

IPS Comment Bot

+1 Having worked and befriended many people with diagnoses across the Autism spectrum I agree with the "accept the parts they have trouble with, function with them, maybe point them out at some point, it's well worth it", however I do feel that this answer could generalize a bit less about autism in general (despite the proper use of "may"-s). Especially the third paragraph isn't bad advice for the OP, but might mislead readers into ASD stereotypes (e.g.: Comorbidity between ASD and OCD is indeed higher than by chance (2-4x acc. to Meier 2015), but that's still far from "often"). — David Mulder 1 min ago

#657 David Mulder (600 rep) | A: How can I ask an autistic volunteer at camp to be more independent? (score: 12) | posted 303 days ago by Witan ap Danu (2477 rep) | edited 130 days ago by Witan ap Danu (2477 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["nln", "+1", "chatty"]

Tinkeringbell

Why is that getting a comment now!? It's almost a year old...

Mithrandir

@IPSCommentBot that's a lot of hits

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell Since we also allow answers that explain their logic without citing an external source like personal experience, perhaps mention that when asking people to provide more substantial answers.

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings I am?

> Hello! Could you please try to back up your answer with references (either external sources or personal experience)? Have you ever tried this, did it work? Could you perhaps [edit] to improve this answer with something to back it up?

Is my go-to comment now...

Mithrandir

12:04

o_o

sphennings

For instance this answer of mine fails to meet that criteria since I'm not citing an external source or personal experience.

Mithrandir

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings Yes, so you should back it up :)

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell I do with an explanation of why I believe that my solution to the OP's problem is correct. I don't cite sources but I provide supporting arguments.

Tinkeringbell

We don't outright delete them (yet, the latest meta seems a good step in that direction though)... But really, 'common sense' is neither common nor sense...

Cronax

12:07

@sphennings On the answer you linked, I'd say it's easy to solve, just add 'in my experience' in there somewhere, right?

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell If I just said "It's common sense that this will work" I'd agree with you. But the logic I'm using, and the assumptions I'm making are clearly visible.

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings That logic and assumptions are coming from somewhere, right?

sphennings

@Cronax Sure I could add a sentence that says "This works for me" but I'd argue that that adds nothing to the value of the answer.

Cronax

our 'common sense' is normally based on our own experiences, there's not some repository of knowledge that holds all 'common sense'. SInce this can differ between cultures/people/etc Tinkeringbell is suggesting that you make it clear that this solution comes from your views based on your experience

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell If I had academic sources to cite I would have provided them. The answer would definitely be better for adding them.

Cronax

12:09

so the value you add is an acknowledgement that your answer is culture specific

sphennings

@Cronax Then that should be added boilerplate to every answer on this site.

SQB

Caro Emerald - Back It Up (Official Video)

►

Cronax

@sphennings I disagree, many answers are based on something specific rather than common sense, such as specific personal experiences or academic sources

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell When faced with new social situations that I'm trying to navigate I often attempt to logic my way through them. In the case of that answer I showed the steps I took from my default set of assumptions to what I believe is the correct course of action. There are other answers on that question that also suggest that no remark is necessary. I think the reason that my answer is well received relative to them is because I back up my answer with the reasoning that I took to get to it.

@Cronax What is personal experience but the basis for common sense?

Cronax

To clarify, I don't think anyone is saying your answer is bad, just that it can be even better

sphennings

12:14

Personal experience is definitely culturally specific.

Cronax

Not necessarily, if I have experienced the same thing in several different cultures then there's a difference right?

user5389107

@sphennings logic often doesn't work in social contexts

at least assuming people act logically doesn't

sphennings

@user5389107 I'm not assuming that people act logically but that you can reason about how people will act.

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings quick question? Why'd you flag this interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/14484/1599 as spam? :)

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell Read edit history.

user5389107

12:17

@Tinkeringbell Probably because of the edited out part:

> Yesterday I tried to vape and It's much much nicer to smell the variety of vaping odor! Now I am going to buy own e-cig. I have read all the information here vapingdaily.com/best-electronic-cigarettes/v2-cigs-review

sphennings

That's the second time that that user has linked to that site, in a very suspicious manner.

@user5389107 The reasoning is less about predicting how someone will act and more about determining what is the intended meaning of a particular speech act besides a literal interpretation of the text.

Tinkeringbell

Ah, kay. Thanks!

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell I flagged it before it got edited.

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings Good that you didn't retract it then :)

Thank you! :)

Also, 'Please don't edit spam posts' :P

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell I generally don't do follow up on flags, besides to see on average how many get rejected.

SQB

12:19

And also, 'please close spam posts even if the spam has been edited out.'

sphennings

I'm happy with my ~3% rejection rate.

SQB

Ah, I see you've already done that.

Tinkeringbell

@SQB Flag them :P

SQB

I did.

Did I?

Tinkeringbell

It was already closed before that... Don't closevote/delete vote a spam question, just flag it :)

@SQB I only saw one flag. But this was subtle: The post started out non-spammy and was only later edited to include a link

SQB

12:21

Covert spam.

sphennings

@user5389107 In the answer about coughing you can see the logic I was using. That's very different than assuming that people will act in a "logical" manner.

Tinkeringbell

@SQB Yeah, and the edit got rolled back, which is why I was confused :P

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell Check their deleted posts. I think they made some other spammy posts too. I don't know if they were properly flagged.

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings Nope, the answer wasn't deleted as spam...

Tinkeringbell

12:53

PSA: If you recommend deletion in the review queue, it helps to open the post in a new tab and cast a downvote :) Negatively scored posts get deleted automatically if the whole community agrees it should be deleted.

Why I'm saying this: I just had one that I had to delete manually with a score of 1 and no downvotes. If enough people had voted to put that at -1 (and keep it there, so -2/3 might be safer)... it would have saved us some work, and made it possible for the OP to undelete it after editing themselves (now they have to raise a moderator flag)

Cronax

I've seen fit to add yet another answer to the question about last names, please let me know if that was a good idea:
https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/14680/1932

Tinkeringbell

@Cronax Booo! We just worked really hard to flag/comment on all sorts of posts because there were too many :P

Reads better than most though ;)

Cronax

Most of the answers are variations of 'they don't really have the right to ask you this' and so didn't actually address the OP's problem of 'how do I stop having this discussion every time'

Tinkeringbell

True ;)

Tinkeringbell

13:17

Hello Imus :)

user5389107

Imus youmus wemus hemus shemus theymus(t)

Imus

hi

A J

hello

Tinkeringbell

Welcome to the Interpersonal Skills chat :) How may we help you today? :D

Imus

Can you tell me how I got here?

I'm kinda lost :p

Tinkeringbell

13:19

I have no clue ;) This thing tends to act as a black hole sometimes, slowly absorbing everything :P

Have you ever been in a chatroom on SE before? :)

Imus

Not a general one I think

couple of hours ago I followed a link in comment from "comments are not for discussion .. blah blah ... moved to chat"

Tinkeringbell

Well, every site has a 'general' room :) It's where people talk about the site, and become friends :)

@Imus Ah yeah, those are for when the comments are getting too chatty but are still related to the answer (and are nice) :)

Imus

I figured about the general room. Didn't expect to find friends :o

ArtOfCode

Okay, peeps... given the following, recommendations for similarish stuff?

Christopher Tin - Sogno di Volare ("The Dream of Flight") (Civilization VI Main Theme)

►

Tinkeringbell

@Imus Sure, just pick a few... :P

user5389107

13:22

@ArtOfCode Have you listened to "Two Steps from Hell"?

ArtOfCode

@user5389107 Not all of their stuff, but a bunch of it

for context, I'm putting together a CD of this kind of thing, so I'm looking for a few more 3-5 minute tracks

user5389107

They make similar style things

Imus

with "this kind of thing" are you refering to the singing or the grand orchestra? Or both?

not that I got any reactions ready for either, but might be interesting to know what it is you're looking for

ArtOfCode

either/or/both

Imus

maybe the halo theme something good? youtube.com/watch?v=xufR_zt9o10

Tinkeringbell

13:31

@ArtOfCode Ode an die Freude? :P

ArtOfCode

@Imus Nice

Imus

Final fantasy is also known for it's great music. For example youtube.com/watch?v=E-SbkgGjPPo

Tinkeringbell

13:55

@ArtOfCode youtube.com/watch?v=usvMU-bOXoU maybe? It's the closest I can remember to a grand orchestra and dramatic singing :)

Tinkeringbell

14:17

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/14286/1599 could use a bonus upvote for backing it up :)

Cronax

agreed, so done

Extroverted Main Man

14:42

0

Q: My flash just turned on and took a picture without my consent

So I was just doing my homework and all of a sudden my flash turned on for no reason and I found that not only did my flash turn on but at the same time it took a picture.I wasn't using my phone at the time so should I be worried about this?

awkward-situations

0

Q: Merging a chore schedule

My gf can't stand dirty dishes. Like, as in one single dirty dish in the sink. I have lived alone for many of my years, and I know about myself that I do not mind washing dishes. However, in my natural state, washing dishes for me is generally a once-a-day and as-needed sort of thing. If I ne...

relationships sharing

Cronax

Yeeesh

that second one

it feels like a valid IPS question on one hand

but on the other...

Tinkeringbell

15:00

@Cronax I'm not sure what kind of interpersonal interaction this person is planning on having and what they'd like their behaviour to focus on...

Cronax

@Tinkeringbell The implication is that they want to have a talk with their S.O. about how to handle the dishes situation, but I guess that question ought to be more specific in the OP

Benjamin Gruenbaum

15:13

Hey, anyone here? I'd love some advice

Mithrandir

What kind of advice?

Benjamin Gruenbaum

My wife is organizing a surprise birthday party for me in ~45 minutes. My wife and my friends aren't great liars - I don't want to spoil their hard work and tell them I know but I don't want to lie in return - what do I do?

Mithrandir

Just don't say anything and act surprised. There's no need to outright lie, but there's no need to spoil the fun either.

Benjamin Gruenbaum

That's what I thought - do I eventually tell them?

Mithrandir

I don't see any reason to.

Benjamin Gruenbaum

15:17

Well, I don't currently have any secrets from my wife and I don't lie to her - but this seems like a white lie for the better of everyone's sake.

Sid

You are only hiding the truth that you knew about the party. You're not outright lying

Also, Happy Birthday!

Imus

Happy birthday indeed!

Benjamin Gruenbaum

Thanks :)

Well, I'm hiding the fact I knew about it during the party and I'll have to act surprised and feign emotion - but I am pretty excited. Thanks for the advice.

Imus

I too suggest not explicitly telling her you figured it out already. Just focus on possitive body language and confirming that you like what they did accomplish: "Hi everyone, thanks for comming. I can't believe you guys did this for me! Thanks honney big hug to wife" Notice how nothing in that convo is a lie

Benjamin Gruenbaum

That's good, just not focus on the fact it's a surprise but rather on the fact I appreciate their time and effort. Thanks.

Imus

15:22

yup, If she does ask you whether or not you found out already you can just do the same. "Yeah, I kinda did but I still love what you did for me!"

Benjamin Gruenbaum

That's the opposite of what @Mithrandir said. Maybe I'll wait until her surprise party for that.

Tinkeringbell

@BenjaminGruenbaum I think Mithrandirs advice was more focused on 'spontaneous disclosure'... if they eventually ask... It's up to you. Does she get very upset if she knows, you think?

(I'm the kind of person that can't keep secrets, so if I ask and you say 'yes, I knew', I'll be nagging you all day to find out how you find out and do better next time :P)

Benjamin Gruenbaum

She won't get upset regardless, she never threw me a surprise party before and I really appreciate the gesture.

I can keep secrets I'm just not in the habit of keeping secrets from her.

She put a lot of effort into it (I could tell, she's not really sneaky), it was adorable. I just want to make sure she's happy and knows I appreciate it and not to ruin the surprise for her. I think there is value in letting her feel like she one-upped or tricked me here although that feels a little dishonest.

IPS Comment Bot

⚠️☢️🚨 Offensive/Abusive Comment 🚨☢️⚠️

#9784 sgroves (101 rep) | A: Stepmother wants me to sign for life insurance without consulting a lawyer, how do I tell her that I will only do this after talking to one? (score: 111) | posted 108 days ago by AllTheKingsHorses (3847 rep) | edited 52 days ago by AllTheKingsHorses (3847 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["offensive"]

Imus

That's why I suggested what I suggested :) Don't excplicitly deny you found out but don't really fake surpise either except if you can laugh it off. This highly depends on your usual reactions with your wife.

Benjamin Gruenbaum

15:28

Hmm, maybe I'll just say I had my suspicions - that way I didn't know (do we really know anything?) and ruin it but I'm not lying if I get asked.

Thanks for the advice everyone - I'll let you know how it went!

Imus

Sounds like a good idea :)

Cronax

It's always best to be honest in all things, but sometimes you can leave out some details to make things better for everyone :)

IPS Comment Bot

15:49

@Tinkeringbell I agree it's perhaps a bit marginal. But since the OP's partner is looking at it from that side, I hope some of that will help the OP in approaching her partner's progress in ways which does make her partner feel she's getting increasingly hot. Weighing scales really don't do that, but dropping a couple of inches off her waist and getting nice muscle tone gives a constructive context for praise. We constantly hear that girls are praised for looks and not achievements, so setting up a way to praise her for achievements seems like a plan to me. — Graham 46 secs ago

#14531 Graham (843 rep) | A: How to discuss girlfriend's weight loss plans? (score: 9) | posted 2 days ago by Graham (843 rep) | edited 51 hours ago by Graham (843 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Sid

16:22

"Rain Rain go away"

IPS Comment Bot

17:47

Damn it, I was writing basically this exact answer. "Explicitly trade chores" is practically my catchphrase around here... +1. — Upper_Case 43 secs ago

#14687 Upper_Case (2367 rep) | A: Merging a chore schedule (score: 4) | posted 2 hours ago by Kate Gregory (18878 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

IPS Comment Bot

19:22

Do not give her the tickets for her birthday, tell her would like to take her to the concert for her birthday. No ambiguity. — dlb 1 min ago

#14666 dlb (161 rep) | Q: How to imply that the gift is meant for the two of us (score: 24) | posted 11 hours ago by SirDuckduck (224 rep) | edited 9 hours ago by SirDuckduck (224 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

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