The Awkward Silence

Extroverted Main Man

03:23

0

Q: Is it fair to deduct bond from tenants who fail to keep the property clean?

Background: I live with two tenants who were friends with each other before moving in to the property. They are from India and Malaysia respectively. I am the principal tenant on the lease. The bond is in my name and it is my responsibility to return the bond to tenants at the end of their tena...

cactus_pardner

03:41

@jpmc26 I wouldn't say that someone who acts in a biased way is automatically "unworthy of my understanding." Lots of people do things wrong for a variety of reasons, and I've found there are huge differences between misunderstandings, mischief, and malice. There's also differences in whether people understood the effects of their actions, whether they regret causing harm to someone else, and whether their behavior is typical of their normal actions.

IPS Comment Bot

04:41

This seems more like a legal question, if you have a contract, you're probably bound to the terms of the contact. Sounds like you've already tried the interpersonal route, and "is it fair" isn't something we can really answer here. — apaul 31 mins ago

#14407 apaul (33434 rep) | Q: Is it fair to deduct bond from tenants who fail to keep the property clean? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by user17763 (1 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How do I respond to “if you had kids with a white girl, they’d look like [the guy next to me]”?

I was at a party and someone said that, along with “you two have similar mannerisms.” It didn’t sound mean-spirited in tone, but it peeved me nonetheless and I’m not sure why I’m still thinking about it. Even though it’s unlikely the remark would happen again, what in retrospect could I have sa...

conversations

jpmc26

05:30

@cactus_pardner But when you classify someone as racist or sexist, aren't you immediately classifying them in the malicious category? You also mention regret and whether their actions are typical of their behavior, but in a situation like the one with someone calling police about the napping girl, we have zero information on those things. So I'm not sure what the relevance is here.

I'd like to make note that that really is a question. If that's not how you view racism and sexism, then maybe it would help if you explained how you do view them.

gparyani

07:52

I'm really sorry to ask, but it would be great if someone could put a bounty on my question here. The current answer doesn't really contain much detail, and I'd like to hear from others as well: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/14282/…

gparyani

08:18

@Mithrandir @Tinkeringbell I've edited one of my other questions to explain the specific situation; I previously hid it because I thought others would quickly reach for the close button without bothering to read it and see that it's on-topic: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/14228/…

Mithrandir

@gparyani I'm going to make a request: Please don't ping me about something unless it either directly concerns me or I have previously interacted with it. If you are specifically asking me what my opinion is on something that I have taken an interest in before, that's different from just pinging me with a "hey, I did this" for a post I have no obvious connection with.

Sorry if I seem a bit impatient, but I'm kinda busy with actual life stuff for the next few months :)

gparyani

08:40

@Mithrandir Okay, you're on my no-ping-unless-important list.

Tinkeringbell

12:21

@gparyani I... don't think that's really how it works? If you think your question needs more attention, you can put your own bounty on it? meta.stackexchange.com/questions/16065/… seems to suggest that you have enough reputation to do so.

@gparyani Also, if I could be added to that list as well that would be appreciated.

Mithrandir

Being on that list should probably be the default ;)

doppelgreener

12:39

I agree with that ^

pinging random people with random things they have no connection to is not polite or a good use of pings

If you want attention on a thing, leave a link in chat and those who are interested will get involved if/when they can and when they notice it. There are already mainsite mechanisms to get random peoples' attention on changes: questions get bumped. Meta is also available for anything significant in site curation that needs community attention.

Extroverted Main Man

13:01

0

Q: How can I deal with my toxic mother?

I'm 24 years old (woman), pursuing my master's degree, with 2 part-time jobs and in a relationship since 1 year ago. Since I was a child my mom has been controlling me, I have never thought that was a problem until my last teenager years (17-19) when I found I had to think as she does in every fa...

southern-europe

Introverted Meta Man.

0

Q: Why recommend editing a question if the editing is ignored afterwards?

In this question How do I break to my neighbor that her boyfriend may be cheating on her? the original question stated two options: silence or telling. Arwen Undomiel said in the comments that this is off-topic because it is a "What should I do?" question and gave a close vote. Granted, so I ...

discussion

user15026

@gparyani you can do that yourself. I don't think it is fair to ask others to do that.

Fawad

13:18

+=awkward silence=+

Tinkeringbell

@Fawad Yeah... happens a lot on weekends ;) Feel free to break it?

Fawad

(_)

ArtOfCode

KITTY

Fawad

（╹◡╹）

Tinkeringbell

Aww!

Those do count as well? :P

Fawad

13:31

😻😻😻

Tinkeringbell

I love the google doodle for today :)

I like dinosaurs better than cats :P

2

Fawad

@Tinkeringbell 😾

Tinkeringbell

Fawad

Tinkeringbell

We need some sort of 'break the silence bot'... That'd be a fun project! :)

Avantgarde

13:45

what is going on

Mithrandir

15:24

...teaching younger kids is hard.

Especially when I don't know how to do it perfectly myself :p

Cascabel

Ask the kids to figure out how to do it right and then they'll teach you?

ArtOfCode

@Tinkeringbell this... this can be done

@Mithrandir "do this thing, then do this other thing, then finish on this thing, and stop asking me questions dammit"

Tinkeringbell

@ArtOfCode I know. I'll look into it once I'm bored enough (and I've finished my Plod). I don't wanna heap work on people :P

Mithrandir

@Cascabel don't want them falling on their heads in the process, though

Mithrandir

15:54

@ArtOfCode doesn't Kennybot do that?

Extroverted Main Man

17:02

0

Q: Declining helping with a (personal) project

I'm into web development and due to my work situation I had a lot of free time on my hands. I had been helping people with their personal projects on a volunteer basis. I recently got a full time job (and I may still need to work my old one part time, temporarily) and I'm not sure I'll have much...

conflict-aversion etiquette

IPS Comment Bot

18:04

"Can't move out"? Oh YES YOU CAN! = +1 — Surb 22 secs ago

#14415 Surb (101 rep) | A: How can I deal with my toxic mother? (score: 2) | posted 2 hours ago by Haakon Dahl (21 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

Mithrandir

18:20

close-pls | POB / Off Topic ("how to deal with this") | How can I deal with my toxic mother?

apaul

19:42

Umm...

@apaul The context appears to be an individual whom is not a "white girl" making their observation about how the child of an individual whom is not a so-called "white" man and a so-called "white girl" would "look". The not uncommon inference is that non so-called "white" men should mate with non so-called "white" women, for various reasons; one being the challenges the offspring of so-called "white" and non so-called "white" would face in this world; two being that non so-called "white" women want non so-called "white" men to mate with them, instead of mating with so-called "white" women. — guest271314 5 hours ago

Tinkeringbell

@apaul Yep, that's a big ummm..

apaul

@Tinkeringbell Those probably could/should go?

Tinkeringbell

@apaul Umm... :P I'm not so sure... it does include detail on the situation, that should preferably be edited into the question before removing the comment (although it should probably be phrased without a lot of the quotation marks)... I'm more bothered by the second comment refusing to edit the question, and shall consult higher powers on whether I should push for an edit or delete the question.

apaul

19:58

@Tinkeringbell The commenter isn't the OP

Tinkeringbell

@apaul Score.

apaul

@Tinkeringbell What?

Tinkeringbell

@apaul You seem to have a point?

You scored a point..

apaul

First time for everything, right?

Tinkeringbell

@apaul I don't know how I missed that. I swear I'm sober

Comments are gone now :)

apaul

20:07

Score

cactus_pardner

@jpmc26 Actually, I don't think people doing something racist or sexist are necessarily being malicious. They might be trying to make a point, they might be copying others or making a joke (in their minds), they might be acting on misinformation, they might make a Freudian slip, or there might be other contributing circumstances.

And all of us have biases that we occasionally let influence our actions without fully thinking them through.

(Well, speaking for myself there, not trying to impugn any of the other fine people in this chatroom.)

It's not a full solution, but sometimes I come back to the song from Avenue Q, "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist." youtube.com/watch?v=RovF1zsDoeM Particularly interesting because it's interesting to see where different people draw the line, and how the characterize it.

apaul

20:24

Just a thought... The intentional stuff tends to be more offensive, but that doesn't mean that the unintentional stuff isn't offensive.

3

Mithrandir

@Tinkeringbell touché

apaul

@Tinkeringbell There's still this: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/14410/59

Trying for a hat-trick

Tinkeringbell

@apaul We're on it... but consider that it's often better to flag/downvote stuff than expecting us to pick up on it when cleaning up comments.

apaul

Already downvoted. One of those situations where I was kind of hoping that other folks noticed too.

Tinkeringbell

@apaul When not sure, drop it into chat for others to look at (without directly pinging a mod since then they're expecting us to handle it)

Wouldn't have done wonders on the weekend, but at least it'll still be there after

apaul

20:37

Bo Burnham's "Sad" from "what."

►

Punch line is toward the end ;)

ArtOfCode

punchlines :P

Mithrandir

flag-pls, del-pls | VLQ | How do I prevent people from thinking my deformity disables me?

Extroverted Main Man

21:00

0

Q: How can I tell my roommates I don't want to live with them anymore

I currently live with 3 roommates. Two of them joined last year and the other one has lived with me for 4 years. The problem is that I don't feel really comfortable living with them anymore and I want to move out. It's really difficult to me to tell them what's going on because I am very shy and ...

friends roommates flatmate

apaul

There's a lot that irks me about this one, but the recent edit seems to be steering towards "tell me what I want to hear" interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/14078/…

apaul

22:17

Well, that'll be fun.

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How do I approach and maintain a relationship with my mother

TL;DR I have spoken to my mother once in the past 8 months. She has done things which were disrespectful to my fiancee and her family, and she holds views which I feel are morally reprehensible. I want to be able to have a relationship with my mother, but I also want to stand up to the things th...

conversations conflict-aversion family conflicts boundaries

IPS Comment Bot

@RichardU, I'm saying that it might not be about you. If you're confident that it is, I'll shut up now. On second thoughts, I'll shut up anyway; I don't respond well to aggression and probably best if I drop out at this point. — Harry Johnston 1 min ago

#14377 Harry Johnston (101 rep) | Q: How to address a someone who is constantly offended on my behalf (score: 38) | posted 51 hours ago by Richard U (7733 rep) | edited 51 hours ago by Richard U (7733 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Extroverted Main Man

23:01

0

Q: How can I avoid making my family miserable when I get older?

I have an older relative who's not healthy and always feels terrible. As a result, she's always frustrated and lashes out at the people who love her. The last thing she wants is to be a burden, but she doesn't realize that it's infinitely easier to take care of her physical needs than to see he...

difficult-people age illness

apaul

@ExtrovertedMainMan intrapersonal question

Extroverted Main Man

23:19

0

Q: How can I have a relationship with my mother when I stand in moral opposition to what she believes?

I have spoken to my mother once in the past 8 months. She has done things which were disrespectful to my fiancee and her family, and she holds views which I feel are morally reprehensible. I want to be able to have a relationship with my mother, but I also want to stand up to the things that she ...

conversations conflict-aversion conflicts boundaries parents

apaul

23:54

Wow... interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/14379/59 user actually used their primary account to post twice there... Odd that they haven't been suspended.

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