The Awkward Silence

Extroverted Main Man

00:36

0

Q: How to respond to a friend insulting her own racial group?

Here's the scenario: I have a friend who had/has really abusive parents who are part of a tightly knit expatriate South Asian community from a certain minority ethnic/religious group here in our small-ish US city. She experienced the community as very toxic, and although she was born in the US, ...

Extroverted Main Man

01:26

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Q: How do I deal with two toxic people in my online "ring of friends"?

A few months ago, a friend that I know in real life has invited me and a few friends to join a Discord server to play with some other people. Two of these people that I didn't know and that are quite close friends with each other have a (slightly to highly) toxic behavior towards the other people...

acceptable-behavior

Extroverted Main Man

07:09

0

Q: How to not feel weird when buying girl cloths as a teen boy

I'm an young high school student that really like dressing up as a girl in my house when my parents aren't here I usually use my moms cloths but I wanna get my own too I really don't know how to go approach a cashier with girl tights! I really want a white pair but I'm too afraid that people wil...

public-issues gender shopping

IPS Comment Bot

09:44

You can always start the conversation. Don't give them time to run away, ask a question right away. I doubt they will completely ignore you after you gave them a cigarette. If they do, you should tell them that they are being rude. — Bakuriu 2 mins ago

#10894 Bakuriu (101 rep) | Q: How do I handle strangers who want to "borrow" a cigarette and give nothing in return? (score: 20) | posted 18 hours ago by Alexander Aeons Torn (233 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by Little Helper (3 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]

A J

12:25

nice talking to you Extroverted Main Man and IPS Comment Bot. :P

sphennings

13:11

They're such good listeners. I really feel like I can say anything to them.

A J

13:24

@sphennings lol

Extroverted Main Man

14:42

0

Q: How to clarify things with my team members as they think I am delaying projects being a procrastinator?

I work in IT sector and I believe in perfection and following industry best practices in my work. People in my team believe in delivering projects before time and earning brownie points even if the project has bugs and the code is not streamlined. Somehow this practice doesn't go well with me. Al...

work-environment family coworkers

AbhigyanC

16:36

Can someone guide me to questions about dealing with irritating people? I have searched for them, but I wish to know them from the veterans who know the questions in and out.

I didn't quite find the right one...

Introverted Meta Man.

16:53

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Q: Review completed, but answer not deleted

I thought 6 recommend deletions removed posts. Something wrong? https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/review/low-quality-posts/7632 After the review, I went ahead and downvoted it to balance the 1 positive score it had, which was what denied me the permission to actually vote to delete. But I...

bug review-queues

SmokeDetector

17:04

[ SmokeDetector | MS ] Mostly non-Latin answer: Refusing gifts from an estranged relative by Monchai77 on interpersonal.SE (@Tinkeringbell @JAD)

D.Hutchinson

17:20

it's ok @sphennings, Babe Ruth was incorrigible during his younger days ...

sphennings

???

D.Hutchinson

you said you were insufferable before you became better ...

it made me think of Babe Ruth, for some weird reason ...

Tinkeringbell

@AbhigyanC Irritating in what way?

@SmokeDetector I have no idea how that is supposed to be an answer. Flagged as naa

IPS Comment Bot

Why does it matter whether or not they know? Are you saying that you need to be treated differently or that we should have different expectations of you due to your being a woman? — Delta_G 50 secs ago

#10756 Delta_G (101 rep) | Q: How to politely notify in an online conversation that I am a woman? (score: 93) | posted 3 days ago by Trabool (540 rep) | edited 2 days ago by AmagicalFishy (133 rep) | Has magic comment

Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]

Extroverted Main Man

18:49

0

Q: How to remain gender ambiguous online?

This question is related to How to politely notify in an online conversation that I am a woman?. In my non-internet life, I identify nonambiguously as female. However, on the internet, it's important to me to be gender-unknown. I don't want people to assume either gender. Note that some of th...

online-interaction gender

IPS Comment Bot

As said, the "question" is actually several questions. Before you can follow any course of action, you need to decide what then end should look like, then you can plan how to get there. All of your options are valid, on their own, but not together. Refine, in your mind, what you want, then edit your question to ask one question. I'll gladly vote to reopen the question once that happens. Until then I have to vote for it to be put on hold. — Witan ap Danu 1 min ago

#10930 Witan ap Danu (1932 rep) | Q: How to respond to a friend insulting her own racial group? (score: 6) | posted 18 hours ago by user13205 (31 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]

apaul

19:55

R/A:

If someone assumes you are female without any basis and refers to you as a she would this bother you about their motivations on a predominantly male field? How do you refer to a gender non-specific person if you have no clue they prefer neither male nor female? Is it rude of you or is it just a simple first approximation for you to assume they might be a "he" if they say they are not female but have not bothered to say they prefer "it" yet. It boils down to a basic thing, if your gender pronoun is important to you, then let people know in advance. — KalleMP 3 hours ago

Tinkeringbell

@apaul don't see the rude, but flagged it nln. It's gone

user15026

nln?

Tinkeringbell

No longer needed

apaul

@Tinkeringbell Don't know many people that prefer to be called "it"

user15026

@apaul I actually know a couple who do

Tinkeringbell

20:02

@apaul I call people that. Especially babies that are dressed in such a way that you can't see...

apaul

@Ash Do you think that's what the commenter was trying to say?

Tinkeringbell

Does it translate a lot different from calling people they?

Because I believe the right Dutch thing is it if it's not he or she

user15026

@Tinkeringbell It can be seen as treating people as objects rather than people

user15026

@apaul Did I say that? No. I did not.

user15026

I am just saying that there are people in my life who want me to use "it" as their pronoun.

user15026

20:05

@Tinkeringbell Ah, that makes sense

sphennings

20:36

The problem with it as a pronoun is that if I abide by the wishes of someone who wants to be called "it" is that it indicates to anyone who doesn't know it that I am denying someone's gender and am not safe/respectful.

user15026

It's a little complicated but in those cases, if someone mentions it, you can just go "this is <name>'s preferred pronoun, I am using it at it's request"

user15026

And then if they push it further, well, they can either speak to the person about the issue if they know the person, or they can accept my response, or they can be jerks about it and I won't waste more time on interacting with them

apaul

20:57

Well, it's been awkward as usual, you kids have fun.

sphennings

To do that I'd need to keep a running tally of who I've explained it two and hope that I'm not overhead by third parties. Given how poorly local trans spaces respond to the misgendering of their people, there is a risk of being silenced before given room to explain.

I'm all for queer spaces protecting their members. This is an unintended consequence of using it as a human pronoun.

Witan ap Danu

21:48

Can anyone shed some light on the IPS Comment Bot's function? I notice that my comment matched the regex, and don't know what that means. Is it good or bad?

JAD

@WitanapDanu It's trying to catch talkative comments or answers in comments

but it's not very refined

I wouldn't worry about it though

Witan ap Danu

@JAD Half suspected that. The regex looked like it was looking for an answer pattern.

JAD

yep

Witan ap Danu

The wording of my comment could have been an answer, if it wasn't suggesting how to get answers instead.

JAD

yeah, the "you need to" was caught was if it were an answer to the question

like I said, it's not very refined

Witan ap Danu

21:56

Maybe in time it will be refined. While the site's still small is a good time to work on it.

After all, look what Smokey can do now. :D

JAD

a comment bot will most likely require NLP. It's not as black/white as Smokey. Can't just look for an url or something like that

but it's a start

Witan ap Danu

Of course, since the bot only posts in here, it's just an alert for users to check it.

JAD

yeah, but it misses a lot as well, so there's that

Witan ap Danu

Are you on the team working on it?

JAD

nah, as far as I know it's just @Mithrandir

but don't quote me on that :D

Witan ap Danu

21:59

:))

IPS Comment Bot

22:37

We can't tell you what you're supposed to do. You need to figure that out for yourself. — sphennings 1 min ago

#10961 sphennings (3215 rep) | Q: Had coffee with a girl, what now? (score: 0) | posted 13 minutes ago by shadoop (6 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: Had coffee with a girl, what now?

An old friend and I reconnected and I asked her out for coffee for a chance to catch up. It wasn't a date, but more of an opportunity to see if we still had the same rapport that we used to have. I'm not sure if she saw it the same way or really how she saw it at all, but that's beside the point....

united-states relationships

sphennings

@WitanapDanu For instance while trying to detect answers in comments filtering comments that say "you need" seems like a good idea since "You need to do x" is definitely telling the OP what to do. What a regex cannot do is determine whether You need to do x is a solution to the question or a suggestion of how to fix the question, to make it acceptable for this site.

Witan ap Danu

But, it can say "Hey, human, check this out."

sphennings

Exactly.

Witan ap Danu

And, in the room dedicated to that site seems like the best place to find interested humans. The same ones who might miss the comments otherwise.

When it is a suggestion on improving the question, the same humans might have an edit to propose, or choose to VTC on the Q anyway.

sphennings

22:46

But a regex won't be able to tell the difference.

Witan ap Danu

So the regex never gets to vote. It's a tool, not a solution.

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