I wish we could help you with your personal struggle. Unfortunately, this forum is specifically geared towards interpersonal communication with other people. Before your post gets voted closed, I agree with @JaneS in that you should seek professional help. The struggle you are going through is not one that can be solved with suggestions from strangers on the internet. I strongly suggest you seek a counselor, therapist, psychologist to begin your journey to self confidence. Do not focus on what you "can't" do and what you can and will be able to do. —
doctordonna 1 min ago