The Awkward Silence - 2018-01-27

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Extroverted Main Man

3:21 AM

0

Q: How to stop hatting someone from disconnecting me from an important person

The main question is how to stop hatting or let go of a person who hurt me because she disconnected me from a very important person in my life that I created a deep bond with. I have strangled with this for 5 years now. It feels like the moment I love the person I bonded with, I will hate the per...

relationships conflicts anger

2 hours later…

Extroverted Main Man

5:29 AM

0

Q: How to react when my girlfriend allows others to insult me to her?

I've been dating my girlfriend for six months. She's a very nice person and always goes out of her way to make everyone feel happy and appreciated. She's kind no matter what others do/say to her. She's a fairly sociable person and our relationship is well-known. People often feel the need to giv...

relationships texting self-esteem

3 hours later…

8:12 AM

hey @NVZ :)

hey, DH

I'm moving to Tibet soon ... not sure if I told ya ...

I'm enrolling in a monastic living program for 6 months ...

live in a monastery, learn prayers, meditation, chanting

and also teach English as a volunteer ...

8:48 AM

that's nice.

yeah :)

get away from New York City for a bit ... I can't wait ...

NVZ, I'm apparently snowblind :(

I went to the ophthalmologist yesterday to check my vision, and confirmed with my doctor that I am snowblind ...

I have to wear special lenses from now on ... to help me with my visual impairment ...

Isn't it sad?

9:37 AM

2

Q: Suggestions on how to constructively discuss mundane issues with spouse?

I need some suggestions on how to constructively discuss mundane relationship issues with my wife. And example to illustrate this: I asked "Sweetheart could you do the dishes more often?" Her response surprised me. She broke into tears and said "You think I'm lazy!" She got really upset and I ...

relationships life-partner

I had also seen the suggested edit but was reluctant to vote on it, since the OP wrote in a comment: "I may try to rewrite it later today. Maybe break it into two questions." So I felt like we should maybe wait for the OP to change it according to their wishes, when they already kind of announce it.

@AnneDaunted I agree. Wasn't that also the one were I offered to help?

yes

Would be strange to rollback the edit now, though. But thought I'd bring it up.

Oh well, let's see what happens when OP comes back to it.

Yes, wait and see.

@Tinkeringbell Regarding interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/9645/… I don't think "... etiquette still ..." was grammatically incorrect. The way I changed it just made it a bit better to read, because when reading it I felt like stumbling a bit about that suddenly appearing still. Certainly nitpicking on my part.

10:03 AM

Afternoon! o/

good afternoon ;-)

'sup?

still doing some work

1 hour later…

Extroverted Main Man

11:16 AM

1

Q: What to do with the one I fell in love?

I'm a student. One year ago in spring semester I changed my classes. On my new group there was a girl. I fell in love with her immediately. But I just started communicating with her just as classmates. Then I started making her gifts. Anonymously. We lived in a dormitory, so it was easy to make ...

@AnneDaunted really don't worry about it. Next time, just keep nitpicking, it's what I would do too ;) But English isn't my first language so if I make obvious grammar or spelling mistakes please educate me :)

2 hours later…

12:58 PM

@D.Hutchinson Uhhh... you sure it was photokeratitis? That's usually a temporary condition, although it can last... what did you do to get snow blind? The weather in New York doesn't seem to be bad enough for it :/ (And lenses? Don't they usually prescribe sunglasses and advice not wearing lenses? > I have an uncle that loves to tell about the time he went snow blind while skiing...)

2 hours later…

2:46 PM

4

Q: Why does a man pay for the first date with a woman?

So, it still seems to be common etiquette for a man to pay for the first date with a woman. It's considered nice, but it's baffling me a little as to why it still exists nowadays because I think some of the reasons for it existing in the first place have now vanished: women can now get an educat...

relationships etiquette europe

I do not understand the downvotes on it.

@NVZ I also don't understand why it has 4! close-votes right now.... I got that it got 2 yesterday because I forgot to remove my off-topic comment. Lemme fix it with another comment ;)

So, I hope that works ;)

I just experienced the worst webshop ever! I ordered new jeans online, but when I go to the shopping cart to say I want 2, it changes the size I'm ordering to the default, smallest size...

So, this week, I accidentally ordered pants that would fit only a child ;)

They just arrived and I couldn't figure out what went wrong first...

@Tinkeringbell maybe it's time to retire that earlier comment, which you say is nln.

@NVZ Good idea ;)

(There was another comment before that, that got a massive amount of upvotes, that I already removed. That was the one saying this was an anthropological problem)

@Tinkeringbell I'd learned my lesson. Never buy clothing online, no matter how big a discount there is.

@NVZ Oh, I've ordered from this webshop before.. I have been wearing the same model of jeans for years now ;)

3:01 PM

@Tinkeringbell I change my mind about clothing that I bought from a retail store myself even if I bought it after wearing it in the trial room.

@NVZ I can never find any jeans in retail stores as comfy as these (except the retail stores from that webshop) :P

So, having something delivered is pointless if all I will do is give it away to cousins.

I do have a ton of cousins. Any size will be useful. Somebody will wear it.

@NVZ I can just return them and get my money back, so it's not that big of a deal... :P

But it's annoying that now I have to wait till next week for my new jeans..

@Tinkeringbell I hate waits. I just give away to my cousins. Instant feedback is satisfying. They either love it, or they shall pass it along to other cousins.

@NVZ Yeah, that's also a solution then ;) I can wait, it won't kill me ;)

I have other trousers I can wear... They're not comfy though :P

3:19 PM

Hey @Tinkeringbell do you think that "How can I get myself friendzoned as fast as possible?" could be turned into a good question?

@sphennings Hmmm... :P

Depends on what is happening? You actually want to be friendzoned because some seems romantically interested?

I think we already have some questions on 'how to just be friends'?

It's a bit... strange... I thought being friendzoned/friendzoning people wasn't a nice thing to do?

As a man, Women can be rather wary around me until they've clearly established that they aren't a romantic possibility. I want advice on how to quickly get put in the friend zone bucket so I can continue to enjoy their company as a friend without them feeling uncomfortable.

The sooner I'm friendzoned the sooner neither of us have to deal with all that crap.

@sphennings I like that attitude ;) Uhmmm I think that might work :)

It's easy to just get shot down. Be a dick and they won't want anything to do with me. It's harder to get put into the friend bucket.

If you have an example that illustrates this problem that would be nice too, focus e.g. on a fictional Anna that you want to friendzone instead of on all women...

@sphennings Hahaha ;) Well, I have what some people tell me is a 'gay best friend' from work... The guy just outright told me 'I wasn't part of his target audience' :P

3:27 PM

I'm not trying to shoot someone down I'm trying to get shot down.

@sphennings Exactly, so you're not trying to hurt someone, so I think you can safely ask :)

I'll need to think over how to best formulate that into a question. Thanks for the feedback,

@sphennings If you have any more trouble, just ping me again ;)

(I'll be gone tonight though :P )

3:54 PM

@sphennings That's easy. youtube.com/watch?v=jwkNAJBwoEA

The Friend Zone | Anwar Jibawi

1 hour later…

5:17 PM

user image

Why are people so commenty?

(17 of those were notifications that people had left comments on questions that had gotten the "please don't answer in comments" comment.)

5:41 PM

I flagged this comment as no longer needed, since it looks like an answer in a comment. The flag was declined. Why?

@Mithrandir "add a comment" is what drives them to. We should try that experimental renaming of it to "suggest improvements or ask clarifications".

I'm just curious. Was the "question" at the end interpreted as asking me for clarification? Because I don't think so.

@AnneDaunted I don't see how that's an answer.

Then what is it?

@AnneDaunted It's a comment, in the usual english sense.

5:42 PM

No suggested improvement, no asking for clarification.

@NVZ That's why it's puzzling that my flag was declined.

But why flag it anyway?

Harmless, I think it is.

To get rid of noise

After all, we are being encouraged to do so

@AnneDaunted If they're troublesome, yes.

Every unnecessary comment

Exceptions: Asking for clarification, suggesting improvements. And those are to be kept only for so long until the matter is resolved.

@AnneDaunted If you have responded to the comments and updated your original question body, flag to have the comment thread purged.

I however do not see any edits on your question, nor have I read all the comments.

5:47 PM

@NVZ I flagged one comment, the one I linked to. It neither asks for clarification, nor suggests an improvement.

@AnneDaunted It does say "let's be clear" as in it is asking for clarification in some way.

@AnneDaunted I've just flagged it. I have no idea why it was declined.

It explains that there is a variety of possible responses to your question, and does not actually answer yours directly.

For sure, my question concerns the situation I described in my question. Why else should I have described the situation.

I fear that we're removing every nuance to every post by removing all things that don't fit perfectly into "suggest improvements" or "ask clarifications". Some comments are helpful in giving some additional trivia or related info.

Why are we so darn serious all the time? lol

5:51 PM

@NVZ Can you help me understand how I could/should have responded to that comment? Or how it's helpful?

@Mithrandir Thanks

I'm sure I'll get some authoritarian response to my fun queries here, and gain a bunch of stars on it.

@NVZ I just try to understand the reasoning behind it

@AnneDaunted Not every comment has to be responded to. Some comments are merely comments in the natural sense. They're ephemeral, for sure, but it's not necessary to go hunting for them.

6:06 PM

Why would these answers be deleted? Downvote them if you disagree. Having a post with negative score is a good signpost for "what not to do". Deleting such answers benefits whom exactly? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/9536/345

This? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/9033/345 I found it self-explanatory, and the author did put in some effort making up that example.

It's simply not an answer

@AnneDaunted It is a partial answer, and for a reason. Partial answers are welcome, as per the help center.

Anyways, I do not have the energy to speak on their behalf. I rest my case.

There is a growing one-sided view on everything in this site these days.

@NVZ You either remove all, or nothing. Leaving one half and not another makes for confused users;

@Tinkeringbell since this is a subjective site, I think there is more to a subject than just "ask" and "answer." Some side info should be acceptable. Their removal is urgent only when it becomes so, not preemptively.

Is anyone bored and interested in helping me with a project?

6:14 PM

@Mithrandir Sure.

Hmm... given the stance that you have on removing comments, I'm not sure if you will appreciate it as much...

It's an odd combination. "Bored and interested" in helping you.

@Mithrandir lol. I may have the most obscure opinions in this group. All the more reason to include me. Otherwise you might end up creating a totalitarian chat room.

Essentially, I'm looking some people to help me sort through my comment filters and help decide which are accurate and which need improvement, and see how well my "please don't answer in comments" comment works.

How can we help you?

To look through a bunch of comments and decide good or bad, essentially.

6:17 PM

will you just link to them here?

chat.stackexchange.com/… chat.stackexchange.com/search?q=Regex&room=63296

but no direct link to the comment in question?

If you click on the search results, the comment text is right above.

Hmm, I should probably set up a spreadsheet or something...

@Mithrandir I'm not entirely against removing comments. I have the most "helpful" flags on ELU without the use of any special bots, if that's worth anything. :P

@Mithrandir what to do about it? it takes me to questions.

@Mithrandir None of those links - either to the users' profiles or the questions themselves

6:23 PM

I mean on the search result itself - it should take you to a transcript link...

Roll all the way to the left, click on the paperclip.

Now I got it

@Mithrandir ah, got it.

You should have mentioned that earlier. :P

Oof, I'm stuck on mobile and can't set up a spreadsheet...

@Catija Did you see my question above (right below Mithrandir's recent box / recent achievements picture)?

(chat.stackexchange.com/transcript/message/42524845#42524845)

6:34 PM

awkward silence....

so, anyone heard about nokia 8?

it's a fine device.

the first three are good finds

i just bought it.

Sorry, don't know about it

pure android 8.1 on my nokia 8.

@Mithrandir It's a bit confusing that the comment is not always displayed, e. g. the fourth found comment, or the fifth

6:37 PM

@AnneDaunted because they were removed.

Where? Transcript link?

in The Closet, 17 hours ago, by IPS Comment Bot

#9513 Bob Jarvis (231 rep) | Q: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date? (score: 64) | posted 2 days ago by Tinkeringbell (12135 rep) | edited 29 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (12135 rep) | @Mithrandir (has magic comment)

@Mithrandir some links are broken cuz the linked comments got removed.

Look one message above.

All comments are oneboxed, and then that message is posted.

Thanks

sorry for my ineptitude

6:41 PM

It's okay, it's slightly unintuitive.

@AnneDaunted you should be :P

that one by WBP is questionable, also the second one by smci. Rather asking for clarification

chat.stackexchange.com/transcript/63296?m=42516566#42516566 and chat.stackexchange.com/transcript/63296?m=42515320#42515320

chat.stackexchange.com/transcript/63296?m=42515195#42515195 doesn't seem to exist anymore

@Mithrandir Stopped at "Starting at rev c6d8f89 on branch master (Allow magic comment from anyone)". Except for the two comments above, they all seem ripe for deletion

6:57 PM

Hang on - would you mind if I set up a spreadsheet for people to rate comments?

Not at all.

no, I wouldn't

Okay, I'll try to set it up in the next ten minutes.

I'll be off for a while now

I am going to bed now.

7:02 PM

@AJ You came here to just say that. :P

Actually, I wanted to say that in the other room, but this tab was opened so it got posted here.

@AnneDaunted 'k. Mind if I ping you?

7:16 PM

Okay, I'm in the middle of creating it, but you can see at docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/….

@NVZ @AnneDaunted @Tinkeringbell ^

@Mithrandir requires sign in. -- why?

oh sorry, one sec

Okay, try again.

Ratings should be "good", "bad", or "meh", where "good" is that the comment should not be deleted immediately.

@Mithrandir Not clear how to do so. Where are the ratings to be given?

Column D

7:48 PM

There are 50 comments there now.

WOA... HOLD ON.

it's a lot

why even do this excercise?

isn't it simpler to go thru the actual comments?

we do not see the context of the comments here in spreadsheet

so anyways, i have an interview tmrw. gotta go.

@NVZ Exactly - taken out of context, should they be deleted? I'm trying to train my bot and I'm hoping that it can eventually get accurate enough to evaluate and automatically cast some flags, like Smokey does.

@Mithrandir Why in the world would you train a bot to delete stuff taken out of context?

Not delete.

If my comment "i'm gonna eat you" is taken out of context, I might be called a cannibal. In actuality, I may be playing with my baby, saying crazy things.. Or just looking at my cake.

@Mithrandir Training a bot to read context, that is the more challenging job. Even big AI companies are struggling with that. See Siri, Google Assistant and the like. Context is important. Smokey is a different story altogether. It looks for spam/offensive, not human chitchat.

1 hour later…

9:25 PM

@Mithrandir I will have a look tomorrow.

'k, great

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