The Awkward Silence

Extroverted Main Man

00:40

0

Q: How to handle being at the same events as my partner's ex-lover?

10 months ago I was out of the country for a period of three months for work reasons. During this time, my partner had an affair with one of his friends, who is also one of his colleagues. This person is part of my partner's extended friendship/colleague network, i.e. the friend/colleague of a nu...

A J

07:52

@Mithrandir o/

Mithrandir

morning

A J

Morning

Just curious; you also celebrate Thanksgiving?

Mithrandir

Well, I'm American originally, so... yes ;)

A J

Okay, good. How was it?

Mithrandir

Well, we actually didn't do anything Thursday, for reasons, but the Turkey on Friday night was tasty :P

A J

08:04

Good.

Tinkeringbell

13:06

I need help again

It is pretty normal for members of the same household who are not flatmates but relatives, to have basic information of other people coming and going and to worry, if someone is supposed to be home but is not. So the question boils down to how to set up this communication efficiently, so that there is no hard feelings on either side. — Andrew Savinykh 14 hours ago

What improvement is this suggesting?

What clarification is this asking for?

SmokeDetector

[ SmokeDetector | MS ] Chinese character in title, messaging number in body, messaging number in title, mostly non-Latin body, mostly non-Latin title: q/743016572 更改英国研究生挂科成绩，GPA提高分数 by zhizhizuoxiang on interpersonal.SE (@Tinkeringbell @dhein)

Tinkeringbell

Don't ignore them or they will say you are rude. What you could try is making lots of grunting noises like a retard, pull some funny faces, or go "oooooo", that's your response, and close the door. Don't get embarrassed, if your friends know you live with your parents then they know, and you can tell your friends that your parents aren't very intelligent they always ask after you, so it's their problem not yours. Or maybe just tell your friends that if they ask. You might find that some of your friends are as dumb as your parents. — barlop 6 hours ago

What to do with that one? Is 'act like a retard' enough to flag it as rude?

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell imo yeah

it's also an answer in a comment

so down the drain either way

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch Yes, that's why I was considering if it was rude enough for rude/abusive or if I should just pick no longer needed...

Magisch

r/a comment flags don't do anything different anyways

afaik

Tinkeringbell

13:16

(I've somehow heard that 'abusive' can also be not using the site as intended... Does that mean we can flag every answer in a comment as 'abusive' ? )

Magisch

no

don't think too hard about that. No longer needed works fine for answers in comments

Tinkeringbell

that was a retoric question ;)

Magisch

shog wrote a post somewhere about that people shouldn't try to discern meaning from posts devoid of meaning

Mithrandir

@Magisch they do

Magisch

@Mithrandir Hmm, what then?

I know they don't -100 rep or autoban people

Mithrandir

13:21

It raises an automatic flag if there are multiple instances of one user's comments being flagged as r/a in a specific amount of time

Pretty sure it also takes less r/a flags to automatically delete a comment than other types, too

You can add that to your bank of SE minutia knowledge

apaul

14:39

Why was this one deleted?

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/6630/…

Tinkeringbell

@apaul It was closed, and from this:

>
Edit: **I have realized that I need to change my mentality. I think it was my possessiveness talking. Hope I will be able to overcome my possessiveness some day. Thanks for the help guys**

I'm guessing the OP won't come back to edit and make it a good fit for the site

So, since we're deleting old/bad questions... interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/2102/…

apaul

So... The OP likely saw the answers and general response there, added a bit to explain that they realize they shouldn't have been doing what they were trying to do and then people decided to close and delete?

Tinkeringbell

I wasn't the one close-voting. But I agree with the closure of the question, when looking at the comments. As for the deleting, yes, if I see an 'edit' implying the question won't be improved, why not delete it?

I don't know where the rude/abusive thing came from, that's very unclear to me.

apaul

@Tinkeringbell There wasn't really a problem with the question, it was clear, on-topic, and appropriately scoped. If the only issue was that the OP edited in a "self answer" to the question, it probably should be edited rather than deleted.

We need to be careful about what we're deleting and why we're deleting it.

Tinkeringbell

@apaul Wasn't the only problem in my opinion, like I said, I agreed with the closing of that question. So for me, there were problems with that question.

Like explained above

Magisch

14:55

@Mithrandir That explains why I haven't read about it

Moderator only information shakes fist

apaul

@Tinkeringbell hmm... I feel a meta post coming

apaul

15:14

0

Q: Should we undelete and reopen this one?

https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/6630/how-to-cut-off-my-sister-in-law-from-me-and-my-fianc%c3%a9e For those that can't see deleted posts: I am an 27 year old woman. I will be getting married this December. I have a sister-in-law who is 3.5 years younger than me. My husband i...

discussion specific-question reopen-request deleted-questions

Tinkeringbell

15:48

@apaul You've got an answer. interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/2180/1599

Introverted Meta Man.

16:26

-2

Q: Should we undelete and reopen this one?

https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/6630/how-to-cut-off-my-sister-in-law-from-me-and-my-fianc%c3%a9e For those that can't see deleted posts: I am an 27 year old woman. I will be getting married this December. I have a sister-in-law who is 3.5 years younger than me. My husband i...

discussion specific-question reopen-request deleted-questions

Mithrandir

16:57

@Magisch all you have to do is mine a diamond somewhere ;)

Magisch

17:48

@Mithrandir one does not simply mine a diamond

also just anywhere isn't a good idea mods need to participate and have some stake in a community they're modding :p

apaul

@Tinkeringbell I didn't mean to imply that you were judging unfairly or that you should lower your bar. Just seemed like that one got a bit more scrutiny than one with a less divisive goal might have.

NVZ

18:12

Let's not throw the babies out with the bathwater

Deleting bad questions is fine, but let's not delete those which have received valuable answers.

Just saying in general, and not about any particular example at the moment.

apaul

19:14

@NVZ yes this.

Catija

19:32

@Magisch isn't that what Charcoal does?

Mithrandir

Nah, we just squish our members until they either snap or become blue

Catija

The chat room description says "diamond are made"...

Jarko Dubbeldam

@Catija made not mined

Catija

19:57

@JarkoDubbeldam I said made...

Jarko Dubbeldam

> one does not simply mine a diamond

> isn't that what Charcoal does?

Tinkeringbell

20:48

@apaul Like I said, prove it.... I don't think this is being treated unfairly. If you see other questions that should have been put on hold for lack of detail and then deleted because the OP makes clear they won't be edited, please flag them anyway and show me the link.

@NVZ What happened to 'good answers don't make good questions'?

NVZ

20:59

@Tinkeringbell what about it?

@JarkoDubbeldam All your diamonds. They'll be mine.

Jarko Dubbeldam

noooooo :(

NVZ

A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer.

@Tinkeringbell A question once closed does no harm being there. Deleting poorly asked questions would be okay, but once there's useful information and well written answers to it, why not let it be there for others to read? What benefit does deleting it give us? Food for thought. :)

Heck.. there are badges for top upvoted answers to top downvoted questions. Reversal or something it's called

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/help/badges/57/reversal

Catija

21:24

I'm not making this an answer for a reason but... I think we need to consider more what we're deleting. Once a question is closed, why are we deleting it? Closed questions aren't usually deleted unless they're inactive, downvoted and have no upvoted answers... right? Why manually delete them? I see at least one person in here complaining about not having enough delete votes... why not save them for answers?

6

It's one thing to delete blatantly off topic questions, spam, questions that are too problematic for some other reason, like the one Shog removed... but if they aren't one of these three things, why remove them?

3

Extroverted Main Man

21:43

1

Q: How to make my mom respect my wish of not being photographed?

When visiting my mom, there will be some moment when she wants to take pictures of me, even if I don't want her to. If I tell her directly, she will just put some excuse and ignore my boundaries. If I hide, she will be amused and keep taking pictures until she successfully has my face on the phot...

boundaries germany parents southern-europe

Extroverted Main Man

21:57

-1

Q: Handling questions that don't have an easy way to say no

Let's say you have some friends that tend to ask you for things without giving an easy way out. For instance, Hey I'm coming to your house now and picking up your PS4. Pick me up for the concert when you are ready. (At my house) Let's eat. What all do you have? In these kind of situations, sa...

friends awkward-situations

Magisch

22:27

@Catija If a question is closed, it implies that it is off topic or has fatal flaws.

You're supposed to allow a couple of days for the OP to make it on topic, but really, a closed off topic question should be gone eventually imo

Catija

22:37

@Magisch I disagree. Show me these rules? No site I've ever used does this except for M&TV with ID questions.

Magisch

@Catija I know that when a tag is burninated closed questions get systematically deleted instead of retagged

This is actually a good point I've never seen it explicitly spelled out but I assumed and it'd make sense for what closing is for that any question that is closed with no perspective to be reopened should be deleted eventually

Catija

@Magisch That's not happening here, though.

Magisch

I wonder, what purpose besides cluttering search results would a closed but not deleted question have?

Catija

@Magisch not on betas. We need examples of closed questions so we can show what we've tried that we decided doesn't work.

2

Magisch

for those worth preserving there's already the historical significance notice

Catija

22:41

^^^

That's supposed to be extremely sparingly used.

Magisch

You mean sort of as a "how not to" notice?

Catija

This site hasn't existed long enough to warrant it.

@Magisch sure.

Magisch

Isn't the roomba counterproductive then

since the most clear cut and best examples of how not to usually don't get answers before they get closed

Catija

It doesn't remove questions with really highly voted answers, unless I'm remembering incorrectly. Also, upvoted questions are often determined to be a bad fit.

Magisch

the roomba removes questions that are:
- low views
- downvoted or neutral
- closed
- with no upvoted answers

iirc

Catija

22:44

Very few of our questions qualify as low views.

Magisch

These checks are run every week across all sites.

If the question was closed more than 9 days ago, and ...

not closed as a duplicate
has a score of 0 or less
is not locked
has no answers with a score > 0
has no accepted answer
has no pending reopen votes
has not been edited in the past 9 day

Catija

That question has two + 10 answers. Would never be roombaed

Good answers don't make a question worthy of staying open but they may make it worth not deleting.

Magisch

So what you're saying is we shouldn't delete questions that won't be roomba'd that aren't really really bad?

Catija

You have better things to save your delete votes for, I think.

Magisch

iirc that exact scenario you're describing (good answer bad question) is exactly what the historical significance notice was intended for

In practice this is rare though because if a question is off topic then so are it's answers so barring few exceptions the answers don't really have value either, no?

I can't even delete vote answers yet, so I have nothing else to spend them on

Catija

22:51

It has no "historical" anything. That notice is for other purposes, not questions like that one.

Magisch

What value do the answers have for IPS?

Are these IPS answers? If so, couldn't the question be edited into shape and reopened?

Catija

I've already explained the value of leaving it undeleted.

Magisch

I'm a tad dubious that being a "How not to" notice is sufficient reason to leave off topic content on the site

But maybe we should have a meta for that

Catija

It's not off topic. It's unclear.

Magisch

Then the value of the answers is even more dubious imo

If the question is so unclear that it needed to be closed then what are the chances someone searches for this question and wants exactly these guesses (good guesses and well written guesses but still - thats the point of closing as unclear, it means the question is not actually answerable) as answers?

If it's salvageable (can be made clear) we could do that and reopen it ...

Maybe I'm overthinking it though

Firework

23:38

Talking to Apple support. They sux

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