The Awkward Silence - 2017-08-21

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Extroverted Main Man

4:29 AM

0

Q: How do I continue to be quiet without being rude?

I'm a man of few words, very introverted, and prefer to work in silence where possible (my own silence, music is a must have but I normally wear headphones to avoid bothering others). It's not that I don't like people, I get along well with just about everyone and enjoy making others laugh where...

conversations rudeness introverts new-zealand

5:11 AM

@ExtrovertedMainMan You're not so quiet. How can you continue to do something you've not yet started?

Gypsy Spellweaver

@NVZ Do you know how to un-ignore someone in chat?

@GypsySpellweaver You can manage your ignores on the preferences tab on your profile.

Gypsy Spellweaver

Kewl

If it's just a temporary mute, just refresh the page.

I've not tried it myself. Let me know how that goes.

Gypsy Spellweaver

It wasn't temporary, though I wanted it to be. Fixed now. It was the main/meta men.

5:17 AM

chat.stackexchange.com/faq#mute

Gypsy Spellweaver

Mischief accomplished.

1 hour later…

Extroverted Main Man

6:42 AM

0

Q: Message being seen but not responded, what is the correct response?

I will sometimes ask a friend how their day was or another question via chat message. Sometimes the message will be marked as read but then they don't respond for a few day or even longer (6 months). I will see they are online, but hear nothing. From college, I have learned that when a friend ...

conversations communication socializing autism instant-messaging

6:55 AM

@ExtrovertedMainMan ...that had an unfortunate title.

@Mithrandir \o/

OMG that made me remember of a scene from a movie!

@ExtrovertedMainMan does that need a location or is the internet universal?

@Mithrandir It's just communication with a friend over an electronic medium. Definitely needs a cultural tag

Alright, I left a comment.

@BradleyWilson badges (mostly) encourage good behavior. Going after badges isn't necessarily a bad thing - the whole point of reputation and badges is so that people will want them and do things to earn them.

XKCD 810 applies.

1 hour later…

Extroverted Main Man

8:28 AM

0

Q: How to deal with a person that does something Illegal and yells at you when you tell them that they did something wrong?

I had this experience while I was on vacations. I was sitting at a bar and there was a guy riding a bike. As he was passing the dog was barking at him and tried to bite him so he got off the bike and gave a very painful kick to the dog. There were lots of people around (this happened outside a ba...

public-issues strangers

2 hours later…

Extroverted Main Man

10:21 AM

1

Q: Is it rude to ask if pregancy was planned?

When someone tells you that her partner is pregnant, I wonder whether it is rude or un-polite to ask if pregnancy was planned? I imagine it depends of how close one is to the couple or one of the (future) parents, but there might be cultural differences too. Surely this is also better to ask in...

rudeness politeness

@ExtrovertedMainMan ...I'm tempted to just write an answer that says simply Yes.

2 hours later…

Extroverted Main Man

12:25 PM

0

Q: How do I tell other parents that their child is a bully?

Our son is 6 years old. One of the other kids in his class is a bully. This other boy (we'll call him Walter) likes to sneak up on my son, and physically hurt him. Sometimes Walter will punch him in the belly. Other times Walter will grab my son's hand and bend it back at the wrist. We've spo...

united-states conflicts parents bullying

12:49 PM

@Mithrandir Ha! In that case most of the questions here can become a poll "yes/no" question. "Is it rude to X?" seems like the most common ones here.

1 hour later…

Extroverted Main Man

1:58 PM

0

Q: How to speak to my friend who's rude to bus drivers

I have a friend at work who I often get the bus with. When he gets off the bus at our stop, he never says a word to the driver. I think this would be considered rude (we're British) and I'm actually embarrassed when he doesn't recognise somebody providing a service. I'd like to approach my frie...

friends united-kingdom

Extroverted Main Man

2:43 PM

0

Q: How to make a weird guy stop touching me?

There is this guy in my class, he is well known to be "that weird guy" to have some dark stories like those where he did try to get underage girls to send some pictures. (you got it.) Well, he is there and it seems like he is trying really hard to make everybody feel uncomfortable. He comes like...

1 hour later…

Introverted Meta Man.

4:12 PM

0

Q: Arbitrary deliniation between opinion/fact-based as a means of censorship

Is this site, essentially, a centre for primarily opinion-based questions? The conclusion of this question is that this site will be more opinion-based than other StackExchange sites due to the nature of the subject; for this reason I think we should be very conservative in putting questions on ...

discussion moderation

4:57 PM

@anongoodnurse Your use of English and the level you write it at is a pleasure to read, regardless of content.

@BradleyWilson I don't think she'll get notified of the message unless she's already been here recently.

I know her from ELU. She's nice.

@NVZ That's a pity, I was just hoping she'd have a gander every now and then. She seems it, kinda' makes me want to improve my own writing.

I think I brought her here. :)

An accolade in its own right, I've not seen a bad answer so far

Bring your friends from other sites as well. We need more active participants who can also provide detailed answers.

She chose to stay here and answer a few questions, that was on her own. :)

5:02 PM

I've noticed some regulars on Politics answering a question or two

Either way, it's a great addition to the content on this site

I wish to ask more questions here. But I usually get stuck on how to phrase it so that its scope is not too broad and not too narrow as well.

Hopefully, some day.

We have similar criteria on Politics where you can't be too specific or too broad, so I've kind of gotten used to it with 65 questions on there.

Some tag wiki edit suggestions I recently approved had some minor spelling or grammar related errors. But I approved it anyway, because the content overall was nice, and rejecting it seemed inappropriate. There's no option to "improve" the suggested edit for tag wikis.

@BradleyWilson I never ask questions, I just find answers on google whenever I want to. So, that's why I lack the right words to formulate a suitable question.

Regarding the three of mine that got rejected, I think HDE made the right call. It'll help me improve over time, not done too many tag wiki suggestions

I do too, I like to see what SE has to offer also sometimes, may make me think differently about something

One question I somehow did ask was actually for confirming my own guesses, not because I was completely clueless. "Is it rude to ask tourists where they are from?" Obviously it must be rude to some tourists.

But because of HNQ, I got a look at different perspectives regardless. So, that was fun.

5:12 PM

I liked that question (+1), recently coming back from Prague a couple of weeks ago, I was asked it numerous times but some of the times I was in a rush and didn't have much time and the answers might help me formulate a response the next time I go away

I feel like I've had plenty of return to offer the bounty, it's hard not to award it. But, I've taken both yours and Rory's advice regarding contributing to the site overall.

and will wait it out

@BradleyWilson @NVZ Do you guys mind if I briefly interrupt to drop a couple general messages to people?

of course.

Hi, all. I'm here to drop a couple of messages about some recent problems we've had. Specifically, I'm addressing those who participated in How to respond when told to “check your privilege” and My best friend has become increasingly xenophobic towards Muslims. What do I do?.

4

I had never, in my time on Stack Exchange, been embarrassed to be part of a particular site. But that changed after I spent the past couple of days handling various disputes and flags on those two questions.
A mod on another site joked that Interpersonal Skills causes more interpersonal problems than it solves. I'm starting to think he wasn't too far off the mark.
Let me be clear: we're here to answer questions about how to solve interpersonal problems. We are not here to argue about ideologies. Or sling insults at those who disagree with us. Or call people "bigots", "social justice warrior…

7

There we go. Thanks, guys.

@BradleyWilson Oh, good, I'm glad you saw my response.

5:29 PM

@HDE226868 Appreciate all feedback and it's duly noted.

@EnglishStudent In the future, please contact a moderator in chat if you have an issue with something. Also, keep in mind that this site produces a lot of flags. I dealt with 20 yesterday alone, many on that question. I had to handle flags, deal with side stuff in chat, etc. I didn't get a chance to see everything.

@apaul34208 I made a slight edit to your meta answer. I hope you do not mind, but I think it best to ensure discussion is productive.

@Beofett eh... I'll leave it for the sake of civility.

@apaul34208 At first I was confused because I hadn't seen anything to support part of your comment, but I'm going to assume that it is related to @HDE 226868's starred post, above

Meaning that presumably things had been deleted

@Beofett Yes thing's had been deleted, but you're free to check the edits made to his answer to see what I was talking about.

5:38 PM

@HDE226868 If you get a second could you take a look at the comment thread on the xenephobic post regarding G Bach's answer. I've created a chatroom for any continual discourse they may have, but I feel the current comments could invite unwarranted outside discourse.

@apaul34208 I'd rather not. I'm trying to be good and refrain from adding to the discussion, and given how many things still exist in the answer that make me grit my teeth, looking at the edit history would probably break my resolve

@HDE226868 This should definitely be on Meta, it's a good point and it should have some staying power.

@Beofett your resolve is admirable.

@apaul34208 It doesn't feel admirable. It feels like I'm being silent when something unacceptable is being said, and it feels like not saying something is tacit acceptance. But I believe that nonetheless I'm doing the right thing :(

@Beofett You're doing the right thing. I wish I had stepped away from it sooner... But duty called and I took the bait. xkcd.com/386

Woah, too many people.

What's going on?

Oh. I see

@HDE226868 If you'd like more people to see it, you may post it on meta. Meta is also used for PSA (announcements) of sorts, especially when done by Moderators.

5:54 PM

Flag and disengage. We are not here to argue these subjects.

We need to discuss answers that disagree with the question on meta at some point. Shog's answer somewhere mentions it.

9

A: Can answers be off topic? - How to deal with answers that address legal issues

It's not common to refer to an answer as "off-topic", but certainly one of the cardinal sins when answering amounts to the same thing: failing to answer the question. Heck, the most commonly-used flag, available only on answers, is intended for use when... This was posted as an answer, but i...

@Catija That's going to be a contentious, but very important discussion.

@Beofett parenting is a good example.

@Catija Yes, that caused a lot of debate, a number of people leaving the site, and continuing arguments and discussions over enforcement years after the policy was accepted.

I still believe it was the right decision, though.

2 hours later…

7:35 PM

@apaul34208 @NVZ Sorry 'bout that; I was busy eclipse-watching.

Sorry for what?

If it's eclipse-watching, you will be sorry later, unless you used "protection" :P

@Catija i think part of the problem is that questions aren't clear about what they're hoping to accomplish.

Commenters, though, are clear about what they want to accomplish - discussion!

@HDE226868 some people seem to think that social justice warrior is an exception to the be nice policy

@Hamlet how many comments does it take to trigger a mod flag?

7:46 PM

Maybe a meta post and some mod messages might be in order

So that a mod comes to the rescue/cleanup.

@NVZ depends.

20 on one post within a week I think will raise a flag.

@Hamlet People using the term or people who would be described by it?

@HDE226868 people are using the term as an insult.

Either way, some mod messages might be in order

@Hamlet Ah, yes. I go to a college where 25% of the student population would likely be branded with that term, and it annoys the heck out of me. Yeah, it is totally possible to be overzealous when it comes to social justice (and that's a real, neutral term). Yeah, people can be overexcited. But it's being used as a huge blanket statement, and it's definitely being used as an insult.

7:49 PM

@NVZ as a mod, I would prefer if people flagged specific problematic comments than if I got an auto flag

@NVZ Yep. ISO-standard solar glasses. An amateur astronomy club also had telescopes with filters people could try.

@HDE226868 In real life I would absolutely get branded with the term

I have edited a new user's answer in a way that their original advice is sorta removed. Bad edit? Or good edit?

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/posts/2266/revisions

Which, eh, I don't identify with the wording. And on a site which has a be nice policy, I don't like that it's being used as an insult.

@NVZ I think it would be better just to remove that last section entirely

7:53 PM

@NVZ @apaul34208 interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/q/1469/102.

@Hamlet Yes, thanks for that opinion. I had a few helpful flags recently where I had flagged for mod as "extended discussion in comments". I wanted to know if my flags were redundant.

@Hamlet Things are being considered.

The edit you made changed the intent, which is a no-no. However, I think it's okay to just remove the PS bit.

By the way, NVZ, you want this migrated?

@HDE226868 I am aware that there's a million card board sunglasses making great sales in the US. It's bad. Like, really bad.

7:55 PM

@NVZ you can also be more specific - for instance, I flagged the peeing garage question with a custom flag stating that the 'comments about the unfortunate original title are now obsolete and too chatty', instead of the 'comment cleanup' I had used at an earlier point in my SE history.

@NVZ don't worry about flags being redundant. It's helpful to know how many people noticed and thought it was a problem.

2

@Mithrandir Usually, yes, changing the intent is bad. I'm not new to this. But I felt that I'd let this new user get to know the site more. By sucker punching them with downvotes and deletions, they're just gonna go away.

@NVZ Ohhh, yes. There are ones to avoid.

@HDE226868 Yes, please. It's all lonely here. Let it be free. Free like a bird on MSE.

I still think it would be better to just leave a comment telling them that yelling at a teacher probably isn't a great idea and that they'll probably get attacked with downvotes for that comment.

8:00 PM

@Mithrandir that's nice. I'll consider it.

@NVZ Okay, it's done. Good luck. cc @Revetahw, by the way.

Introverted Meta Man.

3

Q: Public Service Announcement: Let's be a bit more civil about divisive topics

Note: I originally posted this in chat; I've decided to write it here as well as per the advice of apaul34208 and NVZ, to get it more attention. Hi, all. I'm here to write a message about some recent problems we've had. Specifically, I'm addressing those who participated in How to respond when t...

@IntrovertedMetaMan. As always, fashionably late to the party, Mein Mann.

Interestingly, it looks like the comments were deleted but the flag is still pending. Heh.

@HDE226868 Saw it. Nice.

@HDE226868 Hopefully some CMs from SE joins in.

They'll have some important things to add.

I'd like to see Shog9 appear. He's cool like that.

8:16 PM

@NVZ I'm still feeling that that is NAA. The question isn't about how to deal with the bullying. The question is about how, if at all, I deal with the father. That answer doesn't even attempt to address that part, nor does it appear to be a "don't do that" answer.

@Beofett Thanks. I didn't see the question at the time. It was in the First Posts queue, iirc.

@NVZ No worries. The lack of context is something I've always struggled with regarding the review queues.

Now, after visiting the question, I've voted to delete that non-answer.

Well, in good news, almost all of the posts on the front page are now using country tags.

4

@Hamlet It's not good news. It's great news! Check your spellings! :P

8:20 PM

TBH that's about the only thing that's improved from the private beta.

Regarding the debate about whether to use country tags or something more general such as Europe, I think you'll find that countries are very easily defined, while a concept such as Europe isn't.

@Hamlet Really? I would say, the number of good users have increased. That's a plus.

@Hamlet You'd be surprised how "undefined" real country borders are.

@NVZ I define the success of a Stack in terms of whether it makes the internet a better place.

@Hamlet Well, how do you define a "better place"? ;)

@NVZ no, I wouldn't be. Nation building is about taking something fundamentally indefinable and giving it a definition.

People having a place to ask and get straight to an answer, is what I'd call a better place, as opposed to chatty forums.

8:25 PM

@NVZ you think the answers here are good?

@Hamlet Not all, but there are some rough diamonds in the bunch.

How many metas can be featured at the same time? I'm not seeing yours featured on the side bar. @HDE226868

Perhaps it's time to un-feature the "welcome new mods" meta, if there's such a limit.

@NVZ There's caching.

I already unfeatured the mods one.

Okay..

Alright guys

8:42 PM

@NVZ feverbee.com/trap

1 hour later…

9:43 PM

@HDE226868 Hi, why did you ping me?

10:24 PM

@Revetahw You had recommended that the question be migrated, so I thought you might like to know.

10:51 PM

@HDE226868 ah, I see. Glad to know it was nugrsted :) and you could ping me here even though I've never been here. Is it because you're a mod?

Migrated

@Revetahw Yeah, I used a mod superping. It's one of those perks that sometimes really comes in handy. :-)

11:14 PM

, @HDE226868 it's really nice, yeah :)

11:56 PM

I don’t think I have ever raised as many flags in my first week on a site, as on this one :(

my first impression so far is that this site is “Interpersonal Skills, as interpreted by the murkier corners of Reddit”

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