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12:01 AM
@BraddSzonye This site is, I think, a lot like ELU in one of its key aspects: Some users are here to improve their interpersonal skills. Other users are here to flaunt their interpersonal skills. Still other users are here to help the first group. I suppose the rest are here to watch the fireworks. Hopefully group 3 is successful at making group 1 successful, while disappointing group 4 and ignoring group 2.
3
 
12:15 AM
0
Q: How to convince someone to keep the curtains drawn away from the window?

Abhigyan ChattopadhyayIn my classroom, there's a student who wants to keep the curtains closed/drawn all the time. When the sun starts peeping in through the windows, she draws the curtains, keeping the sun out. As an outside person who is claustrophobic, I feel extremely congested in a room where I can't see the su...

 
There's another group, which I also see attracted to certain topics on Workplace and Academia, that seems devoted to maintaining certain problematic social constructs
like the "Check your Privilege" post, which is full of oppressive jargon (social justice warrior, blue pill, etc.) and undermining the vulnerable
 
That one is a whole 'nother kettle of fish. Mostly red herring me thinks. It was probably shipped from Denmark as well.
 
heh, is Denmark where red herring comes from? or just rotten things?
 
Per the common quote, it's where something is rotten. I hope it's not the red herring however. Eeww.
@BraddSzonye That was a legitimate question. And it had a couple legitimate answers. Somehow it got noticed by politically minded folks, and then the barn was lit. I hope the OP got something out of it anyway.
 
12:32 AM
0
Q: What to do when another person believes that you are mind bogglingly ignorant?

leeand00Alright, I'm confused. I just had a conversion with my father about a job application in which they wanted to know if I ever had any traffic violations. Specifically, it read: "Have you ever been convicted, fined, or forfeited bond? This includes any traffic violations (i.e. speeding, ...

 
I hope so.
I have seen the same kind of thing on Workplace, where somebody has problems with a racist/sexist/horrible coworker, and they get some good advice, but they also get advice to stop being so sensitive, rationalizing horrible behavior, etc.
especially if the post hits the megacollider
 
Somehow (blinders maybe) many users missed the question and moved on to who knows which corner of their minds. OP wanted to know how to politely respond. Not a definition, not behavior modification, not political speeches, just "what do I say".
 
my favorite thing is when I see "stop being so sensitive" coming from some dude whose avatar is a screencap of some babe from GoT/Buffy/Andromeda/Dollhouse or other source of popular nerd cheesecake
 
I routinely fail to consider the source. A good comment/answer/feedback is good, even if it comes from a snake. A bad one is bad, even if it comes from a saint.
 
later!
 
 
2 hours later…
2:58 AM
What should we do about the peeing question? I feel like many of the answers don't actually suggest an Interpersonal solution, instead opting for what seem like "hacks" - changing the walls, installing cameras, etc...
 
3:38 AM
1
Q: What to do with answers that aren't related to interpersonal skills?

CatijaThere are fourteen answers on this question: How to convince some unknown person to not urinate next to my garage door? The "Question" part of the question states: If we were to communicate with this person through a note we print, what should we say to them, so we encourage them to stop wh...

 
4:06 AM
@Catija Except for the one I commented on, I'd agree. The answers don't belong. I'm not entirely sure the question belongs either. The whole thing probably belongs on Life Hacks, as suggested in one comment.
How can you have an communication, or interpersonal contact, with an unknown and un-locatable person?
If the question is acceptable, then the one answer (eyes) seems just as valid as the question.
 
The question is definitely problematic, sure. I have the same thoughts but I can no more go around closing questions than I can deleting answers with 30 + upvotes.
 
I'm not in a position to know, or judge, but is that question of enough quality that it would be acceptable as a migration by Life Hacks?
 
They could certainly ask a different version of the question there but as asked the question belongs here. We judge questions on the question, not on the answers they attract.
I feel like the users who can CV aren't, though... why is this still open:
-1
A: How to make a weird guy stop touching me?

B. BohdanAs a guy (but not weird) I can advice you: ignore him. I do not like when girls ignore me. It's so exasperating! :)

 
True, but how can you have interpersonal when there is only the footprints of the Other to deal with?
 
It has no location.
Only one CV.
@GypsySpellweaver They're just asking how to write a note that will not be passive aggressive.
 
4:13 AM
That's a meta I've been trying to write. What WILL we do with unlocated questions?
 
I could equally ask "how can I word a note to get my coworkers to stop putting the can of air freshener on top of the toilet paper"...
 
Ditto for answers that ignore the OPs location. Second meta of coursel
@Catija Well, that's true enough. And if a written note is acceptable, then the eyes poster should be acceptable as well.
Though I also have to wonder if it is a person. Strange for someone to always use the same place given the rest of the situatuion
 
@GypsySpellweaver The comment does give them the opportunity to explain how it's IPS related.
@GypsySpellweaver The question doesn't really tell us how frequently it's occurring, so it's difficult to really know.
 
@Catija It does in deed. Though I'll be surprised if most of them can explain it.
 
Someone could argue that a camera or fake camera would say the same thing as the eyes... assuming it were visible. Maybe the jar, too... but the others, not so much.
 
4:37 AM
Well, that question has made up my mind on one thing anyway, subject to community consensus or mod statement to the contrary.
If it doesn't respect the OP's stated context, or if it goes against what the OP has asked for, it's getting flagged NAA
Exception being, as in this case, where the answer explains why not to do as the OP asks and gives an alternative.
The answer in this case that says Not your fight, take it to the landlord acknowledges the OP's idea of a note, and says why it's not a good idea.
 
@GypsySpellweaver Yep. I think that's the only one I've upvoted and it's only got 4 votes, I think.
Polygnome's answer, I think.
 
@Catija That be the one, and my only up vote of the lot.
Sorry about the NAA flags that you now have to deal with, but it's the best I can do at my rep level. (along with the DV of course).
 
@GypsySpellweaver I'm not going to deal with them. NAA flags are something most of the community can cast.
 
Does the system apply anything to NAA automatically it there are enough of them on a post?
 
4:58 AM
@GypsySpellweaver They go into the VLQ queue and six "recommend deletion" votes will cause the post to be deleted.
I think an edit to the answer will clear the flags, though.
 
NVZ
So much happening today, it seems.
 
5:45 AM
I, too have flagged up some NAAs
 
6:04 AM
0
Q: How to deal with a colleague who tries undermine me?

BharathIt's been 4 months since I joined my new company. There is a colleague ( let's call him Bob ) who joined with me. Bob and I were colleagues in my previous company and we both accepted interviews from our current company and cleared them. From my experience with Bob in my previous company, he p...

 
 
2 hours later…
7:42 AM
0
Q: Why is a 'good' handshake important?

Bradley WilsonWhen preparing for job interviews in the past, my recruiters have told me to ensure that I greet the interviewer with a good firm handshake, or even outside of the work setting when I've given a good handshake to either an academic (when at university) or a professional (at social gatherings) the...

 
8:18 AM
@ExtrovertedMainMan Trying to steer away from the normal 'is it rude to..' like @Catija did with the hugging question, any pointers welcome.
 
NVZ
@BradleyWilson My comment seems to be disappearing instantly. I know, they've served their purpose, but still, it is odd.
 
I was thinking the same, they only took one flag (almost as an indicator I was reading them). I thought you had deleted them.
 
NVZ
@BradleyWilson I just posted one saying "+1, bla bla" and it disappeared instantly.
So, I posted again.
It's gone as well.
I'm fine with it. Maybe a moderator was online and active there.
 
Could have been, I think sometimes +1 comments are auto-deleted when flagged (i'm not sure on the semantics)
takes one flag.
it got removed instantly.
maybe +1 at beginning and under a certain character length?
 
Yep.
 
8:27 AM
nice.
 
Short comments that begin with +1 are automatically deleted after one flag because they're considered noise.
 
Didn't go @NVZ
 
I think I made that happen ;)
I flagged a whole bunch of comments like that, and Shog made them automatically delete to reduce the workload for the mods.
So blame me :P
 
@Mithrandir Does make clean up easier, I guess.
 
I think it's a necessity, so that's an accolade in itself. SO is terrible for it (+1 thanks!!!!!!)
 
8:35 AM
Greetings. I don't know what this room is all about, but I saw "The Awkward Silence" and thought, "Wow, that's for me."
 
NVZ
@gracious1 Shhh.. You're speaking too loud.
 
Thinking, "Yup, I was right". :/
:D
 
:meow:
 
NVZ
@GypsySpellweaver No pets allowed, please.
"ROAARR"
 
8:38 AM
:prrr:
Trust the pets more than the humans ;P
 
NVZ
@Mithrandir Yea, I remember an MSE about that.
@GypsySpellweaver "a lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of a cat"
 
Shoot, I even trust the wild ones more than my fellow man
 
NVZ
Yep.
wild cats, ftw
 
You betcha.
I am looking at my cat sleeping, and wishing I could sleep.
 
And, a leopard does change his spots.
 
8:46 AM
Is that a raccoon?
 
<-- Rusty, escape artist of Smithsonian Zoo :D
@gracious1 Good idea, being nearly 0900 UTC and all.
 
0
Q: Could some one help me improving my question befor I post it?

dheinI'm planing to make a post, which contains a lot of background information which I think is important to make clear what kinds of solution I'm not looking for, but isn't very important for those who don't plan to make a answer. The part I'm referring to is put for highlighting purposes as block q...

 
@Mithrandir That's a red panda, also known as a firefox or a bearcat.
Of course it is neither a panda nor a fox nor bear nor a cat.
 
9:03 AM
Avatars are small, I can't see ;P
 
9:22 AM
Just out of curiosity, i've comment on this post about sth such as "the guy is acting and being forgiven because of OP's "kind" and such, if he were in my place he'll definitely get paid for his act"

I could not remember the comment, but i am curious why it was deleted.
post :https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/2241/how-to-make-a-weird-guy-stop-touching-me
 
9:53 AM
It appears to be cool/cute animal avatar morning! Apologies for my alien :-)
 
That's the reddit critter, no?
 
@RoryAlsop aliens? Worse - looks like the Reddit thing.
 
Reddit critter with my stage eye flashes
 
@gracious1 Ha! Jinx :P
 
@Mithrandir Great minds think alike!
 
9:56 AM
All my avatars on SE are something with the flashes added on. I'll have to look and see if I have a picture of my cat I can edit
Why don't you allow his to touch your body? What is the problem of getting some fun hime touching your body? Is it hurt you? No I don't think. He may touch smoothly. So you have no reason to declined it. I don't know that why girl are so selfish....... What happen if boys get some fun touching your body? — Donkey King and Donkey King 58 mins ago
Well that's lovely
Flagged as rude
 
wow, just wow.
flagged it and it's gone
 
I can't remember - think it's 3 rude flags to remove it
It's incredibly worrying if that is actually what he thinks
I don't understand what can make someone think that is even vaguely okay
 
I'm befuddled that I've seen it myself.
 
@RoryAlsop well I flagged, you flagged, and Bradley flagged, so that's at least three
 
Yay for flags
 
10:07 AM
I love how one of his questions on Workplace is "How to say 'you mind your own business' without sounding rude, but not being entirely polite either?" - it says alot.
 
@Catija but you can.
 
I wonder what the parents of people who think that sort of thing is okay, that it doesn't hurt, that women are "selfish" for not allowing it think about their kids? Does this attitude come from upbringing, or from social environments? It just shows no empathy towards the opposite sex, and instead implies the op is entitled to do what they like.
 
The rule is: if asked about it on meta, would you feel comftorable explaining yourself.
If yes, then close away.
 
I think sometimes it's a cultural thing, but if the culture doesn't apply it's certainly the upbringing IMO.
 
I know there are a handful of cultures that treat women as chattels, but that behaviour is pretty reprehensible in the majority of the world
 
10:17 AM
I don't think "It's my culture" is a good excuse.
That's not a cultural thing. That's just a sicko who think women exist for the pleasure of men.
 
But culture can also either encourage or influence such behaviour
 
if he tried that with my wife she'd be delighted to demonstrate her culture of slapping men who try that. And by slap I mean take down.
 
Hmmmm.... I am starting to be reminded of an unpleasant experience on a certain browser chat board.
No, not sexual, but sexist. Several posters were sympathizing and empathizing with that guy who got fired from Google for saying that women are biologically unsuited to do IT work (or somesuch).
I was stunned when the man who authored the browser chimed in with his "observations" that essentially agreed with him.
So I spoke out... and got called an "American batsh*** crazy SJW". I had to look up "SJW."
😲
 
Yeah, social justice warrior is used far too lightly
nowadays
But kudos for standing up for what you believe regardless of the reaction
 
All I said basically was substitute "blacks" or "Jews" for "women" and see how it sounds. Also that the man had to be fired after sending that memo, because nobody at Google could now in good conscience assign any woman to work under him!
@Bradley I had never heard of SJW before. Basically I think it's just a way to bully someone.
 
10:27 AM
It's the finesse of a strawman argument, I see it on Politics.SE all the time
 
It's certainly an ad hominem attack. Never mind what I say, just call me names.
 
well not all the time, but when something very divisive occurs
hmmm, easy to generalise you into a group of people rather than personally attack you
 
Exactly. SJW is a catch all term that when I hear it I now translate it to "group that has different views to me" :-)
 
Pretty much
 
And in other news... did anyone else find the eclipse to be somewhat disappointing?
 
10:38 AM
Yeah, because I watched it on Youtube. :/
 
LOL
Well, you could have listened to it on the radio. NPR was covering it. 🤣
 
National Public Radio
The announcer even made a joke about it. "You can follow our coverage of the eclipse. That's right, you can listen to the eclipse on the radio!" :D
 
As a Brit, should I have heard of them?
 
No, it's American public radio
 
10:43 AM
aha, that's funny
 
AS I understand it, they really did cover it: npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/08/21/544239796/…
 
that's good then. I'll have a gander now and see if anything interesting is going down in the US.
 
But... what part of an eclipse works on radio? Or was it a joke?
 
Well, it wasn't really a joke. I think they had reporters all over the country reporting on what they saw live.
 
I have only seen two full solar eclipses in person, and both were wonderful. We organised a huge party in Falmouth for one many years ago
 
10:52 AM
It actually would have been good for me to listen, because I am in upstate New York, and it didn't get very dark here at all.
 
That was around the turn of the century - Falmouth getting very dark was quite spectacular.
 
There was a total eclipse in New York in the 1920s.
I think.
 
The YouTube videos are cool, but they don't encompass the sheer weirdness of it. Especially if you can see mountains or hills in the distance with a different light on them
 
I guess I have never really seen a total eclipse, including this one. Supposedly in 2024 I will get a chance.
 
11:13 AM
0
Q: How to figure out the reason of a strangers anger when he is irational insulting you?

dheinFirst a bit of background story: I'm asking this in the context of playing the computer game Overwatch and therefore internet-anonymity as one problem has to be kept in mind. When I started playing the game I got as soon I had some experience a typical command giving a player who just blamed ot...

 
 
1 hour later…
12:13 PM
@gracious1 I would like to see one from a boat in the ocean. And from an aeroplane. And perhaps from the top of a mountain or glacier. Sometime...
 
@RoryAlsop Yes. Actually, NASA flew two aeroplanes across the Midwest USA to extend the record time of the eclipse.
 
1
Q: How do I tell or convince a friend of me that I think he should do an autism test?

Fabian WüthrichI know this person and the family of him very well. He had problems in his apprenticeship. I know a person that has the Assberger-Syndrom and my friend has a lot of similarities. I don't want to offend him but I think it would help him a lot if he gets professional help.

 
NVZ
"Bob" seems to be the Big Bad guy on our site. All questions blame "Bob" for all the problems. Ha!
 
-2
Q: How do we maintain a good question to answer vote ratio on this site?

Tom AuSE likes its sites to have a ratio of at least one question vote to three answer votes. The problem arises for me in that when I upvote a question, I tend to upvote most, if not all, the answers. (the reverse is not true.) On most SE sites, there is an average of 2 to 2.5 answers per question. S...

 
12:42 PM
@gracious1 would have been interesting to do that from Concorde or an SR-71 Blackbird, as the eclipse speed across the ground is about Mach 1.5
 
1:19 PM
Well, they were not trying to keep pace with it, just trying to extend the viewing time to seven minutes.
As the eclipse left the range of the first plane it entered the second, and then they put the data from the two together.
But you are right, to be in a supersonic plane and keep up with it... That would be an experience.
 
 
2 hours later…
2:55 PM
@gracious1 I'm sorry you had that experience. I've noticed that the SE network has a number of people who identify as "anti-politically correct", and who attempt to delegitimize the issues of minorities or oppressed populations. It's pushed me to minimize my participation in certain sites. I hope it doesn't become an issue here on IPS.se, but I'm not optimistic given what I've seen so far.
2
 
3:30 PM
@Beofett can i encourage you to write an email to the Stack Exchange community managers about this?
 
3:41 PM
@Hamlet Hrm... I'm not sure how I would formulate such a message. I prefer to use specific examples, but specific examples typically would be more relevant to the moderators of the particular site. Perhaps I should start noting down instances so I can describe in more detail what I feel is a pattern.
I suspect the community staff is well aware of the general issue, as it's impacted a number of fairly high-visibility events, such as when the #loveoverflows logo change
 
4:22 PM
0
Q: Questions posing as Interpersonal Skills problems that really are not

ChadThere have been a few questions like: How to convey a message that will convince an unknown person to not urinate next to my garage door? That appear to be asking for an interpersonal skills answer but in reality are seeking a solution to a problem that is not interpersonal skills based. The q...

 
4:39 PM
@Catija are you around?
or any mod of any site?
 
@SoylentGray I'm in an airport. Mobile modding is difficult but not impossible.
 
My question is: Can we add a custom banner that mods can apply to answers?
 
Banner yes. Custom would require the CMs to act and would require the community come to a concensus on wording. The term you're looking for is "post notice". Check MSE for the default wording.
 
TY
Thank you
 
23
Q: What about site-specific post notices?

David ZNow that we have site-specific custom close reasons, it got me thinking: why not make post notices customizable to each site as well? It's already known that the existing "citation needed" and "current event" post notices were primarily developed for use on Skeptics; sure, they are useful for som...

 
4:49 PM
Yep just found that :)
Going to edit my answer to your question on meta. If it gets support ill propose the request on meta
 
 
1 hour later…
5:58 PM
0
Q: Does [profanity] and [stutter] need their own tag?

Bradley WilsonWouldn't both profanity and stutter come under speaking? (and profanity come under either online-interactions or communication for written?) I don't think we need specifics in regards to both aspects of these. I would happily untag the questions under these tags, but it'd be nice to have to input...

 
NVZ
6:14 PM
We've yet to receive more answers to this! What do we award bounty to, if there aren't enough candidates? interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/q/1435/345
 
6:28 PM
@NVZ I'll try to do some picking later today. Been spending too much time & energy thinking about the meta storm.
 
NVZ
Thanks. :)
 
Just under 30 hours, if I read the clock right.
 
 
4 hours later…
10:52 PM
This civility thing is proving a lot more difficult than I anticipated... @HDE226868
 
@apaul34208 WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU MEAN???? hehehehehe (bad joke)
^^ that was me being uncivil
 
11:08 PM
@YvetteColomb Finding myself fighting the instinct to fight the good fight. Just not used to it.
 
@apaul34208 :) fighting the instinct?
 
@YvetteColomb yup
 
@apaul34208 you knew it was a joke though? I'm saying this for the benefit of everyone
 
@YvetteColomb yup
 
@apaul34208 but was it funny?
this is a test of interpersonal skills
how does he tell me it wasn't funny?
 
11:14 PM
@YvetteColomb probably not your best work, but yes it was funny...
 
@apaul34208 I haven't had coffee yet this morning and that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it - even though I had a brilliant sleep and feel perfectly awake :D
 
@YvetteColomb I've been been better. Sinuses are all backed up and the tongue biting is making breathing difficult. ;P
 
lolololol
that would make a good question - can civility become life threatening?
 
It would get closed for being a medical question lol
 
lolol
@HDE226868 wow tbh this is part of the reason I'm not active on here anymore - not specifically those threads. It's really stressful and exhausting trying to determine what's on topic and what tags to use. It seems (and I could be subjective here) that the discussion around these issues is more emotional than other sites. Which is ironic given the site's scope. Don't get me wrong - it's a terrific site and it's doing well, but I can see the effort it takes - and I had spread myself too thin.
 
11:49 PM
@gracious1 I totally understand - I'm a conscience feminist and people sometimes construe that to mean I don't like men - nothing is farther from the truth - I love men always have - always will. It's not just about educating people about the experience that women have, but also empowering women to feel they are good enough and supported.
This post is fascinating. I'm tired of being howled down if I mention that I don't like sexist comments. I do not like women being objectified and it's been an immense struggle - but I've made it - to become assimilated into the Meta culture of Stack Overflow and the chat rooms, without having to hide what is important to me.
 

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