« first day (25 days earlier)      last day (2473 days later) » 

2:24 AM
Hey people - do you think this site could do with 4 moderators?
 
 
1 hour later…
A J
3:35 AM
-6
Q: How can I deal with someone obsessed with me on a website?

PasserbySaid person follows me around on multiple sections of a site downvoting me or un-upvoting me. Any attempt at asking a question gets targeted Pleas for support from the moderation get ignored out of spite or support for the troll, regardless of evidence provided. Even the systems automated anti s...

Can this question get Mike a Reversal badge?
 
Since you asked here and Michael took the time to answer, I'm leaving this with edits in the hope that it's a sincere question and you intend to take the advice offered to you. If you intended this as a complaint about this website, then you know full well this is inappropriate - meta or the "contact us" link are the venues available to you for that purpose. Whatever the case may be, please do not engage in any further histrionics in the comments - that goes for everyone reading this. — Shog9 ♦ 12 hours ago
@AJ probably
> Provide an answer of +20 score to a question of -5 score. This badge can be awarded multiple times.
 
3:56 AM
Nope. Read the description.
Answered before stackchats users flooded to downvote. The question must be -5 before answered.
 
4:14 AM
@AJ Probably not, people are only visiting it because of the Meta question (or chat), and most people don't visit Meta...
 
4:35 AM
@Passerby it was most likely downvoted, because people didn't think the specific issue should be aired.
I didn't vote on it either way
 
What do you all think of this answer in regards to this Meta discussion. Giving an answer that is essentially about Chinese culture to a question about Korean culture should be considered NAA IMO.
 
Technically wrong answers are answers and the not an answer flag should not be used for that.
Down vote it and move on.
 
@Passerby You have said that before, but that is not how the NAA flag is used in all the sites I frequent.
 
Which sites are those?
 
Such an answer has made no attempt to actually answer the specific question asked. It's not "technically wrong", it's trying to answer another question, which makes it NAA>
 
4:47 AM
Which sites use that guideline though?
 
@Passerby If by "technically wrong" you are referring to the flag message "flags should not be used to indicate technical inaccuracies, or an altogether wrong answer" then that is about factually wrong answers which attempt to actually answer the question. That flag rejection message should not be used on answers which appear to not be attempting to answer the question.
 
I already know what you mean. I am asking which sites ascribe to that definition
 
@Passerby Which ones don't? ELU, SFF, OS, various religious ones, all do
> The "not an answer" flag is for posts that are either completely unrelated to the question, a "me too" kind of post, a follow-up question asked in an answer, etc.
Sites vary on how broadly they allow answers to be considered "related" to the question. On this site I think it would be wisest to make answers about other cultures be considered unrelated if they don't answer about the culture actually asked about. If they want to answer for more than just the one asked about then great! But they can't not answer for that cutlure.
 
5:06 AM
@curiousdannii Personally I think the NAA flag is probably a good choice for this site when the "answer" has nothing to do with the question. However, as a compromise, is it not possible to settle on the VLQ flag for answers that are "off by one" so to speak, cases where the culture, of the context, or some other element isn't a match for the question?
 
Considering we get 1 our 2 question a day, that type of policy will reduce participation even more
As for vlq, that seems like changing from firing squad to hanging.
No practical difference.
In any case, this type of reaction to answers can make or break a site.
 
I can imagine situations where "near" cultures can have ideas or insights that "help" the OP even when the answer and question have a disconnect. A US-based answer on a UK-based question could be useful, on an Italian-based question, not so much, but still possible, while on an Indian-based question probably worthless.
 
@Passerby Yep, if we aren't strict about having answers match the questions asked about, then this site will be a useless site of terrible advice
 
Eh. And if we are too strict this site will die from low participation.
 
@GypsySpellweaver Such answers should qualify themselves by saying that while not based on personal experience, they think they are still accurate answers because of the broad cultural similarity and their wide exposure to people of the other culture. That's easy for most US/UK/Aus/etc differences. Much less so for the East Asian cultures for example. The East Asian cultures are less similar to start with, and and due to the different languages there is a lower degree of exposure
@Passerby We've already got higher participation rates than many sites. I don't think we're at any risk of being closed down. Especially once we start getting regular migrations from ELU.
 
5:17 AM
Do we? It seems very sparse.
Wait, why would ELU migrate here?
Aside from the standing policy not to migrate to beta sites, what about English Language and Usage would apply as Interpersonal?
 
@Passerby Because people ask lots of questions that are off-topic there but on-topic here.
 
I highly disagree about that memorial day one, and the store one seems so borderline, that it would get VLQ single line answers (just looking/I'm good)
 
5:59 AM
@Passerby That's not actually much of a policy. Exceptions are made all the time. For what it's worth, a public beta can stay alive for as long as it needs
 
That's just two of the posts on that subject. It's said all the time. You can't even set a beta as a VTC migration path. They have to be manual migrations.
 
Not as a migration path, but mods are allowed to migrate freely
@curiousdannii Agreed.
@Passerby We've addressed that here: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/241/16
@GypsySpellweaver @Passerby For what it's worth, both the NAA and the VLQ flags put posts in the same queue. If such flags go directly to a moderator, the reason doesn't matter most of the time
 
@Zizouz212 It has been edited since I wrote here. I still don't think it's a good answer, but it at least does mention Korean culture now.
 
Oh, I haven't really looked at the answer. Just saw the second part of your statement :)
 
@Zizouz212 Does they give different "blurbs" on the question/answer?
 
6:07 AM
What do you mean by "blurb?"
 
The notice box of "this question placed on hold for ...."
 
Oh, VLQ and NAA flags are independent of close reasons.
Right now, we only have the standard reason: "This question does not appear to be about interpersonal skills, as defined in the help center" or something like that
 
Now I am confused. If VLQ and NAA flags go the same place, and don't affect the close reason, what's the point of two flags?
 
@Zizouz212 I haven't seen much of a pattern for custom close reasons here yet
 
BTW, I'm still newish to SE as a whole, but learning quickly.
 
6:12 AM
I did a simple search, and I think all of our questions have been closed as too broad, rather than the off-topic
 
@GypsySpellweaver They're flags for answers not questions. As for why there are two... I guess partly historically, but also to help explain why someone is flagging it. Short crap answers are often flagged as VLQ. You wouldn't flag a long well written one as VLQ, but if it's off-topic then it's appropriate to flag as NAA.
 
@curiousdannii Ok, I comprehend what you said. I've been sort of following this, and doing some thinking about the whole mess. We absolutely do need some method of keeping the reigns on answers that are invalid.
 
@Zizouz212 The one thing I was suggesting was to have a custom close reason for any question that is essentially "how to politely be assertive" but it seems like most people would prefer to just write the same thing on each of those questions
Another possibility for a custom close reason would be for questions about serious mental health episodes (suicide attempts etc) where the message would be something like "don't ask on the internet, CALL THE POLICE"
 
Earlier I did say that I was behind the idea of flagging as NAA when it didn't answer the given question. I'm starting to waiver on that.
 
@GypsySpellweaver Why?
 
6:17 AM
The nice thing about flagging is that it makes sure that people with moderation privileges have a central place to see the post and act on it
 
@curiousdannii Absolutely. There can be no other answer there.
 
Sorry, my internet is acting finnicky right now
@curiousdannii I actually haven't seen that. Posted during my exam week :/
 
@curiousdannii Caveats: I am new to SE, I don't know the culture of other sites, and I recognize that each site can, and should, set their own standards within the framework set by the SE network.
To me, NAA, says the post is not an answer, to anything. It's not saying it's an invalid answer, or doesn't answer the question, or even that it is dangerous, just that it is not any answer.
Something written in the highest prose, most correct grammar, with citations and cross references, that nevertheless fails to address the question is of zero quality.
 
VLQ and NAA on answers are basically the same thing. If you're concerned, just flag as VLQ.
 
@GypsySpellweaver Have a read of my Meta post. I think there's good precedent for saying that NAA should be used for answers which tangentially relate but don't answer the specific questions about.
 
6:23 AM
@curiousdannii I'm going to upload a screenshot over how big differences between related cultural differences can be. Feel free to use it in your post.
Those are Hofstede's evaluations for cultures - India, Pakistan and Bangladesh
Things such as Long Term Orientation are quite similar, but others such as Power Distance and Individualism are very different.
 
@Zizouz212 I don't know those specific categories, but I've seen similar things before
It can be surprising how different very similar cultures can be
 
@curiousdannii calling the cops is how people end up dead :/
 
In multi cultural expat communities for example, sometimes the biggest culture stresses can be between Australians and Americans.
 
People who know me know that I'm very invested in cultural relativism around here - so I'm actually going to write an entire self-answering question over why cultures are different.
@Passerby The police isn't perfect. But they are necessary.
 
6:29 AM
Lets just drop the topic because we won't agree.
 
Sure. I wasn't planning on discussing it either :)
 
@Zizouz212 Have you studied anthropology, or is it because of having multicultural exposure?
 
Taken social science courses in school, and most of my projects have focused on culture too
Then Toronto is a super multicultural city
And I'm studying Global Development Policy next year in Ottawa :)
So there's anthropology in everything there :P
 
Anthropologists are human too, but one of the tenants they try to hold to is evaluating a culture using its own terms, not some external source of "values" including the anthropologist's own.
 
Todo list: 1. Write super long meta post on why your Indian answer may not apply to Bangladesh. 2. Write mod nomination (if I still think I can do it) 3. Think of culture questions you can answer yourself
And that's it for me. I'm sleepy. See y'all later :)
 
6:38 AM
@Zizouz212 tada
 
@Zizouz212 I would expect that there would be major differences within India too. Urban vs rural. North vs south.
 
@curiousdannii For sure. Kerala is very different from Gujarat, which itself is different from Uttar Pradesh... (I'm Indian if you haven't noticed)
 
@curiousdannii There's even going to be differences between generations. Evidenced by the apology question here.
 
@Zizouz212 There are over 1700 languages in India!
 
That translates to over 1700 cultures as well.
 
6:40 AM
@GypsySpellweaver Yeah... India is becoming heavily influenced by the west. I don't really like it actually.
 
@GypsySpellweaver anthropology is moral relativity in action.
 
@Zizouz212 Blame the Internet.
 
@Passerby Not exactly. Relativism is the belief that cultures are equal, and none are superior to each other.
Oh. Perfect example of differences between Canada and the US: youtube.com/watch?v=geUaExNq9-Y (A short John Oliver clip)
 
@Zizouz212 studying and judging/ analysing a culture based on internal decisions is moral relativism. It ignores universal/majority beliefs. Like studying a culture where canabilism is okay. And saying it's okay because the culture believes that. Pardon the extremist fallacy.
 
@Passerby That's not what anthropology is about.
 
6:45 AM
The study of culture is cultural anthropology. There's nothing relativist about that because no judgements are being made.
 
I'm pretty sure Gypsy just meant anthropologists prioritise emic studies. But they also do etic cross cultural analyses.
 
The two opposites for that is cultural relativism and ethical imperialism.
 
@curiousdannii They do both, yet even with etic analysis, the judging of "values" or right/wrong is either not done or is done internally, or emic.
 
What is ethical imperialism?
Those two terms seem unrelated
 
The idea that every culture has a set of standard "values" and that certain cultures can be superior to others in terms of practices, beliefs and thoughts
 
6:54 AM
@Passerby I assume an imposition of one culture's ethics onto another culture
 
So the opposite of moral relativism?
 
Yep
 
Finding common values cross-culturally can lead to greater insights, but does not invalidate the culture's views or beliefs.
 
Something new everyday
 
The USA is really good at ethical imperialism :(
 
6:57 AM
@GypsySpellweaver Yeah... American foreign policy annoys me. They have no respect at all for sovereignty either.
 
Well that also implies that a subjective standard is being imposed instead of a universal truth
 
Yep. And that's what tends to happen.
Actually, it's a big thing with arranged marriage.
I've had many of my friends tell me that arranged marriage is forced marriage, and that the entire idea of it is stupid, and violates human rights
Which is actually false, unfounded, and is actually a valid thing
 
Then there is the difference between morals and ethics
 
@Zizouz212 That can be verified by asking any of the First Peoples under the rule of USA
 
@Zizouz212 sometimes it is. Sometimes it's not.
 
7:00 AM
Well, it is forced
 
Okay, but arranged marriage is not forced marriage
 
Whether it is stupid is the subjective part
 
bye all
 
The idea that your parents are there to find your partner, or to seek parents permission for marriage is a common and very valid viewpoint, especially in south asia
 
7:02 AM
That arranged marriages are enforced through peer and social pressure, that refusing results in social stigma, means it is forced
 
@Zizouz212 Yes, that is. But there's a difference between your parents legitimately trying to find the best match for you and, say, as was common in England in the middle ages, marrying you to someone because they were rich and don't care about your feelings at all.
 
@Mithrandir I see your reasoning there, but at that point, are you conflating multiple issues to a single term?
It's food for thought.
 
That these marriages have similar or better success rates to non arranged marriages is separate from the forced argument
 
@Zizouz212 they both come under the term arranged marriage. Just one of them is also forced marriage, and the other could become it.
 
@Mithrandir nether of which means it is not forced. If the individual is not free to decline without consequence, it is a forced situation
 
7:05 AM
The entire "social contract" is forced behaviour.
 
The roots of marriage though in places where arranged marriage is prominent is also very different from over here too, which is key to keep in mind
 
Insert that Phineous and Ferb episode here
 
Actually, the movie Vivah shows this if it'd interest you to watch it. You can probably find a version with subtitles somewhere
 
@Passerby When was the last time you went to the office dressed in your underwear?
 
@Zizouz212 hence where I said that forced marriages being dumb is a subjective concept. The forced part is where it is objective
 
7:07 AM
I would really recommend that you watch it.
 
@Passerby The publicly acceptable dress codes are enforced through peer and social pressure, that refusing results in social stigma, means it is forced
 
Marriage here is viewed as something where two people come together and that is it. In many south asian traditions, it's about joining families, traditions... It's much more entrenched in society.
 
@GypsySpellweaver yes. I agree. Office dress codes are forced. Not that they are dumb, in general, some go farther than rational but any dress code is forced. Like any arranged marriage is forced, regardless of how reasonable they may be.
 
Passerby, I would highly recommend that you watch that movie, when you find a couple of hours free
 
7:12 AM
I will
 
Actually, that goes for all of you. Including you @Mithrandir
I'm expecting reviews!
Hey @YvetteColomb!
 
Here is the murky part. Are successful arranged marriages successful because they work or because the participants feel they need to make it work even through it is not in their best individual interest?
 
@Passerby There's the catch. They are not forced. You agree to them when you choose to stay within that society. You could, instead, join some other society with views closer to your own, or even choose to live outside of all societies and become a "society of one."
 
The former
 
@Zizouz212 hello there :D
 
7:19 AM
@gypsy that's like saying
 
@Passerby You can ask the same question about any given marriage in the USA performed in the past century.
 
You are free to kill yourself instead of dealing with the laws somewhere
 
@Passerby Aren't you?
 
@GypsySpellweaver you are. But do extremist choices dictate what is considered forced?
 
According to your arguments, yes.
 
7:22 AM
Heavy discussion happening here I see
 
@Avantgarde lol, on arranged marriages
 
It's the lack of a consequence without extreme action that makes it a forced decision.
 
Why is there no new question feed in here?
 
Unless someone has the means to take said action.
 
@Mithrandir There is. It's a ticker at the top.
 
7:23 AM
Ugh.
I'm on mobile, tickers don't show up.
 
You can promote it to an actual message with a bounty :P
 
Would the person trying to leave the forced marriage require significant funds to do so? Then it's not really a choice.
 
@Mithrandir Count your blessings :)
 
Also, tickers are kind of annoying even when I'm not on mobile :P
 
@Mithrandir That's why I'm happy that the "mobile" version works on desktop.
 
7:26 AM
Lets put it in a different context. Would a poor person unhappy with their job really have a choice to leave it? Are they not forced by circumstance to stay? Quiting would not be a realistic choice for them.
 
Then it is forced labour.
 
For what it's worth, arranged marriages are also consensual. If couples who seek to have a divorce don't have the financial means to do so, then the marriage isn't the reason for that, but rather their economic conditions
 
Sure they have the option of quiting, with the result being homelessness or starving unless they can find a job in their market/circumstance.
So is that not forced?
 
And there are legislative frameworks to protect that, and ensure that people who need a way out can find one.
 
@Zizouz212 that's the question. Is it consensual if you don't feel like you have a choice, from something like societal pressure?
 
7:29 AM
Is not being homeless a social stigma?
 
Sure you could decline, but you get treated like a social pariah for declining.
 
But there is no societal pressure. There may be pressure to get married at some point, but that's parallel to pressure to get a job.
 
A non-arranged marriage is also expected from the society at large. That is also forced, in a sense, then. And surely, there are people who discard the whole idea of marriage itself
 
If your family or others in your culture treat you like shit for having declined the marriage, that's the definition if societal pressure.
 
@Passerby Ditto for quitting your job.
 
7:32 AM
@Passerby But declining a marriage proposal isn't bad, and is quite common.
 
In a society without arranged marriages.
 
No, not at all
 
Generally speaking, parents will find a partner for their son or daughter. Or, they may get a "proposal" asking the parents for their son or daughter to marry their child. The two have the ability to accept the proposal as well. It's consensual for the couple, as well as the parents of the families.
 
What's the decline rate in those societies and what is the consequence for declining
 
That's a statistic I don't think anyone has ever studied
 
7:34 AM
Decline rate? I don't know. Consequences? Almost none.
 
@Passerby What you have been saying, throughout, is a classic example of ethical imperialism. It's applying your definitions to a cultural group which has different definitions.
 
There's the problem that different people from different cultures think of different things when hearing 'arranged marriage'.
In some cultures, there's no problem at all.
In others, there is a problem.
 
@GypsySpellweaver is it? Is forced not an objective standard?
 
@Mithrandir Watch the movie.
 
7:37 AM
@Passerby Do you feel forced to cover yourself when leaving the house?
 
@Zizouz212 I can't, I'm afraid I don't have time to watch it...
 
@GypsySpellweaver even when I have no opinion in whether it's okay to force it?
 
@Mithrandir If you find the time, please do. I think you'll enjoy it :)
 
@GypsySpellweaver yes. I do. I am forced by law and societal standards of dress.
@GypsySpellweaver same societal standards that require me to dress a certain way to avoid ridicule.
 
While this link may theoretically answer the question, it would be better to provide the essential information here and provide the link for reference...
 
7:39 AM
Yet you accept that "forced behaviour" without trying to change it?
 
@Mithrandir -_-
Watch the movie.
I'm not expecting you to watch it now... Just watch the first two hours when you get the chance.
 
In this example, I am forced by societal pressure. I could 100% go against it's but doing so will have unfavorable consequences
@GypsySpellweaver whether I accept it or not does not mean it is not forced.
 
Is it not, then, wrong for your society to force you to wear clothing?
 
Like I said, whether something being forced is okay, is separate from whether it is forced or not. Society requires food workers to use hair nets. Under penalty of law.
The use is forced. That's undeniable.
 
Absolutely not. The concept of being 'forced' is not objective at all. Most (or rather all) things related to human sociology are highly complex, subjective and evolving with time and place. There is no objective definition of morality/righteous
 
7:42 AM
This conversation is starting to get a little heated; I'd just like to remind people to think about what you say and make sure it comes under Be Nice before it becomes a problem.
 
Whether it is acceptable is the subjective part.
 
@Mithrandir I don't think it's getting heated at all.
 
@Zizouz212 it's certainly becoming active, and I'd like to make sure it doesn't become a problem :)
 
@Mithrandir no one is saying anything about anyone. What makes you think this is anything other than a simple phisophical debate
 
@Passerby If "forced marriage" as you call it is bad, why is not "forced dress" bad? If both are bad, why are you not up in arms to get both changed, or recognized as "wrong"?
 
7:43 AM
@Passerby If two parents were to suggest partners for their children in the US, it would be viewed as an invasion of their privacy, since American society is very individualistic. But it's near opposite for many south asian cultures.
 
@Passerby Hmm? Nothing. I'm just trying to make sure that it doesn't become anything other than that.
 
The definition of marriage also changes to an extent between the two
@Mithrandir You worry too much :)
If anything, discussion on sensitive topics is good. It's quite civilized here. And the discussion of social institutions for a site about interpersonal skills is also quite relevant.
 
@GypsySpellweaver I don't know where I said that. I said arranged = forced in most situations. I never said forced = bad. I stated that most place a with forced marriages have better success rates than "free" marriage areas
 
@Zizouz212 yeah, I've been told that I see heat before it's there...
 
@Mithrandir lol I wouldn't worry about it. You can always keep an eye out though
 
7:45 AM
But then I did throw in the wrench, are forced marriages successful due to cultural expectations?
 
I'm watching Vivah while talking here :P
 
Which is a very philosophical question.
 
@Passerby No. And that's because the very institution of marriage is viewed different than here in the west.
 
@Mithrandir Is that a pyrotechnical aligned precognitive ability?
 
@Zizouz212 in the us that's nothing but a suggestion. In some other areas, it's a cultural expectation with dire consequences for refusal.
 
7:47 AM
@Passerby What areas? If anything, I would expect that to be a very rare and extreme occurrence.
 
@Zizouz212 let's take it to the extreme. I put a gun to your head to do x. You have free will to say no, resulting in your death. The question is, did I force you to do x? Undeniably, universally, that's a yes.
 
@Passerby Yet the choice remains, and is taken often despite of the "consequences." Hence elopement.
 
@Passerby Yes, but is it fair to let a few cases of the extreme to represent the majority?
 
@GypsySpellweaver is your family exiling you not a severe consequence?
 
@Passerby No, you didn't force me to "do X". You did force me to choose between two alternatives.
@Passerby If they have one opinion and I have another, maybe I choose to exile myself.
 
7:50 AM
@Zizouz212 does the majority of arranged marriages have the option, in social consequence, to say no?
 
Yes
 
Regardless of whether it is good or not for the marriage to take place?
 
It's a consensual act between the couple, the parents and their families
 
That's where we disagree.
Consensual implies consequence free.
 
Because it is?
 
7:54 AM
If it was then arranged marriages would be no different than someone playing cupid, a match maker
 
No marriage choice is consequence free, ever!
 
Consensual is a decision arrived at by 2 people. Consequences are decided by various factors within and not within your jurisdiction.
 
Nor, for that matter is refusal of a proposed marriage.
If I marry Liz, I cannot marry Jasmine. That is a consequence. If I marry Jasmine I am honor-bound to provide for her children. That is a consequence. If I don't marry anyone, I have to provide my own meals (cook myself or buy pre-made). That is a consequence.
 
omg it's 4am
If I finish Vivah it'll be 6am
I'm heading to sleep. See you later (Even though I said this like, hours ago :P)
 
:P o/
 
8:06 AM
o/
 
lol bye :)
 
 
5 hours later…
1:03 PM
@curiousdannii I would have flagged it as NAA prior to the third revision. Its relevance seems slightly better after the latest edits.
By the way, I agree with your answer to that meta question.
 
I need to speak with you regarding one candidate who has shown bias issues. Please reach out to me. — Passerby yesterday
@Passerby - he does have an email in his profile. Just FYI :)
 
1:57 PM
@HDE226868 Yep, it's been edited since I posted here in chat
 
 
1 hour later…
3:11 PM
I'm considering putting a bounty here with a note to the effect that I'm looking for answers based in experience that optimally also discuss rudeness in the context of traffic (like AJ's answer). Do people think this could be effective?
I'll probably wait 'til tomorrow, or at least when it's off the HNQ.
 
 
1 hour later…
NVZ
4:29 PM
Do we have any sources to quote or refer to to help us write better answers?
 
 
3 hours later…
NVZ
8:17 PM
Hello, Darkness, my old friend.
I've come to an awkward silence with you again.
@HDE226868 Houston, we have a problem?
Are those Is it rude to do such and such? questions actually on topic on that site? For instance: is it rude to use a person's driveway to turn around? How are they not opinion based? Rude is not the same as illegal. (As a matter of fact, trespassing is not illegal in many (rural) places.) Or are opinion based questions fine over there? And I'm not asking over there because I don't want to join that site. — Clare 6 hours ago
 
8:37 PM
@Mithrandir nice
 
 
2 hours later…
10:13 PM
@YvetteColomb mind setting up the room question notifications? You are the room owner after all
 
 
2 hours later…
11:54 PM
@Catija what do you think about adding questions being posted into the room?
@Passerby there is an rss feed
 

« first day (25 days earlier)      last day (2473 days later) »