The Awkward Silence

1:03 AM

I've voted to close this question as off topic because this site focuses on questions with a specific goal in mind. We aren't really here to give opinions on if you should or shouldn't start a relationship with someone, but if you have any questions about achieving specific goals using interpersonal skills, we can help with that. — Rainbacon 55 secs ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic(@Noon)"]

@IPSCommentBot fp

Marked this comment as caught incorrectly (fp) Currently marked 0tps/1fps

1:27 AM

If anyone wants some flags, there are some comments in need of them on that last question

Gotcha. Back from rock climbing and feeling good and sore.... groan

I hope it was fun!

@Rainbacon yes it was :)

That's good :)

@El'endiaStarman did a really tough route and made it... it was basically a V3 but starting facing up from the floor then climbing around and straight up, then curving inwards on the top

El'endia Starman

1:30 AM

Yeah, my hands are still sore from that.

I've never been able to climb things that curve inwards

oh, let me draw it. I think you're thinking of a different thing

Hmm, one of the comments went away, but not the other one?

this is what I meant by going inwards- inwards, to me was towards the center of the rock structure we were climbing on, if that makes sense?

Ah ok, that I can do, what I can't do is the part on the bottom where you have to go out on the bottom face of the structure

1:39 AM

@Rainbacon yup..... that's what I can't do either but @El'endiaStarman can, as of today... he's feeling it though...

I bet, I tried really hard once, and I felt it the next day

@Rainbacon I'm feeling my 5.8 auto belay climb i did at the end... it was tricky because I was climbing in a corner, so my arms and legs were in mostly weird places

I believe that user is not happy with your reason for closing but i have to agree... you explained very well

So @El'endiaStarman is the more experienced climber by a bit then?

Oh, thank you

yup, he's definitely more the daredevil haha

I play it safe

The comment that got deleted was definitely the worst, but I feel like the other two also shouldn't be there

1:45 AM

@Rainbacon I agree. we'll see what happens to the question itself though.

Unfortunately, it will probably sit there for a while because we don't have a lot of core users who are still online at this hour

I flagged the comments, so nothing more I can do. Don't take it personally, he's just taking his anger out on someone that just happened to say the thing he did not want to hear

I didn't. I just flagged and moved on.

@Rainbacon Good :)

annoying thing about climbing is that chalk gets up your nose and down your throat... blech

that sounds awful

I've never climbed with chalk, and thus never had that issue

1:48 AM

it's in the air in the climbing gym, it's everywhere

i love climbing with chalk

seriously helpful and soothing for hands on rough holds

I don't climb often, especially now that I'm out of shape

@Rainbacon I'm getting back to it, so i can understand that

My fiancee and I like cheese cake much more than exercise

@Rainbacon haha yeah i can understand that too mmm

She got the Junior's cook book for christmas. It's not a good thing for our diet

1:56 AM

@Rainbacon heh, i can imagine but it's a good thing for the taste buds?

Oh, very much so :)

@Rainbacon I love cooking as well but my stomach gets in the way. I have IBS that's triggered by stress, dairy and wheat. :P

I can take a digestive pill that helps but it doesn't make it 100% possible to eat everything gluten and dairy everyday

6:21 AM

@Rainbacon sure, go ahead!

6:35 AM

Mooorning :)

Alex

Quite a long one.

@Alex huh?:o

Alex

@dhein You could have said "Morning" but you said "Mooorning", thus it was a long one.

7:08 AM

Well observed xP

8:29 AM

Morning!

JAD

ola

Mornin'

8:46 AM

Hello everyone!

@ElizB Same here :/

Although, pills do not really help me, I'm still very disturbed by it

9:26 AM

Great answer. Good you pointed out that "savings" should be a part of the budget. I would add that looking at bills need to consider price of "service" and utility separately. When moving together the "service" price will probably not change but the utility will rise so maybe changing tariff (if possible) is a good move. — SZCZERZO KŁY 2 mins ago

#20629 SZCZERZO KŁY (1365 rep) | A: How can I communicate to my girlfriend that I'm uncomfortable paying most bills without ruining the relationship? (score: 1) | posted 9 hours ago by Upper_Case (11741 rep) | edited 9 hours ago by Upper_Case (11741 rep) | Toxicity 0.145

Matched regex(es) ["chatty-no-doubt(@Noon)", "chatty"]

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Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps

Q: "How are you today?" vs "Are you better today?"

10:08 AM

0

Or how using a yes/no question instead of an open one can impact the answer we get? Some time ago, I read an article where someone with Alzheimer explained that, when someone asked her "Do you remember?" she felt pressured to say "yes" even when she didn't. From this, I was wondering how phra...

academic-research

10:30 AM

I just made a suggestion to my company so that we had a neutral gender option for your application. It's a written ticket and I don't know when it will be read. This is stressful ^^'

10:44 AM

I feel this part: "this answer may not please people who believe you should not hold back from telling him your ethical stand" from Astralbee answer feels a bit like back-stabbing. Anyone here to suggest an edit to them?

(or just edit it out maybe)

JAD

how is it backstabbing, and whose back is it stabbing exactly

@JAD I think it's specifically targetting me ^^. In the context of the answer, I read this as "vegan people are annoying", but I might just be oversensitive here

Also, I really feel like it's unnecessary, so...

11:09 AM

@Noon How it comes you are proposing all this things to your company? Where you asked to do so? I mean I see your motivation for doing it and understand you there, but if you haven't been asked for it be aware, that most people don't like getting indoctrinated about whats political correct behavior. Especially not if its not your job :x

11:30 AM

@Tinkeringbell: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/9847/32 Are these kind of Questions still considered On-Topic? As more or less recently I got 1 or 2 posts of mine being closed, as "they had no real solution with a goal I was trying to achieve." And now I wonder, how we define "a goal to achieve" in case that one isn't Off-Topic and how that's less hypothetical than what I asked about.

11:43 AM

The suggestion is a great answer if there's still something of the relationship to be saved. However, OP has already made the decision of cutting his parents out of his life. I case OP changes his mind: If after pursuing this course of action, the relationship still does not become better, please do not think your parents will talk or think better of you. They will always be/act the victim. This answer is mainly for your own conscious. (At least I tried everything) — Caroline 1 min ago

#20630 Caroline (153 rep) | A: How to "break up" with my toxic parents/family? (score: 1) | posted 11 hours ago by Kate Gregory (29334 rep) | Toxicity 0.17835915 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty-no-doubt(@Noon)", "chatty"]

@dhein No, it's not my job. And I know I'm taking some risk by suggesting that. I just hope they are open-minded enough so that it won't backfire

@Noon: Ok, if you are aware of it, I just wish you good luck with it :)

@dhein Thank you :)

12:50 PM

Flater answrt seems to be the best but if you need to be extra sure learn how to answer with questions. IF your siblings say that your parents keep asking about you ask them "Why they can't ask me? why they send you? Why would I want to tell you things I don't want to tell them if I know you're asking for them?". And yes, they PLAYED victim card. They don't feel they are bad ones in this relationship. — SZCZERZO KŁY 14 secs ago

#20627 SZCZERZO KŁY (1365 rep) | Q: How to "break up" with my toxic parents/family? (score: 2) | posted 14 hours ago by Roger1234 (11 rep) | Toxicity 0.2785814 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

1:34 PM

Morning all :)

'fternoon!

(Sleepily) quiche for breakfast, shower, then I'll actually feel presentable :P

1:57 PM

@dhein Sorry, bit busy right now. Remind me tonight :)

Good morning!

Q: how to tell if my friend is a narcissist?

-1

So I have this friend that always talk about herself, doesn't let us tell our own stories, and always tries to know everything when she doesn't. an example is when i tell her certain topic and always HAS to say that she's heard of it before and acts like she has to know everything. or when she d...

untagged

Ok, so @avazula my question for you is that your user profile says "I'm a HIQ woman". I'm not familiar with the term "HIQ", could you explain what it means?

2:21 PM

@Tinkeringbell Reminding you hereby xP

JAD

2:35 PM

@dhein Not tonight yet

3:08 PM

Q: Why was my academic-studies question closed and what can I do to have it reopen?

3:20 PM

0

Today, I posted this question: "How are you today?" vs "Are you better today?". Someone left a comment saying that they thought the question wasn't specific enough so I edited it to make it less broad. The question still got closed. Since academic-research are on-topic here, can someone tell m...

discussion scope specific-question

Slow day today

Yep, plus: I want my question reopen :'(

Well, your other one got reopened

Granted it was reopened by a completely different set of users than it was closed by except for one

Yes indeed but the way it was closed and then reopened is kind of bugging me

I remember having a discussion about that being a major problem a while back. We had 5-7 users who would go and close a lot of posts. Then a completely different set of 5-7 who would go and reopen without so much as an edit or a meta post

What do you mean?

3:33 PM

@Rainbacon Exactly what you just told. Plus the fact that none of the "close" people left a comment, except for the 4th who then revert their vote (they didn't know academic-research was on-topic)

@dhein I can't seem to find your post but the question you are pointing to is about academic-research, maybe that's the difference?

I think it might be helpful to have a meta discussing the constraints under which academic-research is on topic

While your meta could be good for getting your specific post reopened, I think we should discuss what makes an academic research question on-topic vs off-topic

Maybe but I don't know if we have enough academic-research question to know that yet

Well, every new academic-research question we get is being closed and maybe reopened. If that keeps up, people will be discouraged from posting those questions and we'll never get enough

I don't know, I feel like people closed mine because they didn't know that academic-research were on-topic (that's why Meg closed it anyway). But yeah, maybe writing a meta post saying "those kinds of academic researches are on-topic" could help.

At least it will allow me to comment under my question "academic-research are on-topic!!!"

@Noon We have that one, I guess.

3:46 PM

@Tinkeringbell Do we? I looked for it yesterday and couldn't find it

@Rainbacon Digging now. I think it was one of the earlier questions.

Ok, I'll hold off on actually posting my meta, but I'm going to keep writing it just in case

Q: Do we want theory questions here? What kind?

6

This question was closed for being too broad: How to be accountable for your actions but not responsible for others' needs? I tried to constrain it to be about a very specific dilemma concerning interpersonal skills. The one comment explaining its broadness didn't provide any explanation of that ...

discussion scope

@Rainbacon HIQ means High Intellectual Quotient. I'm about 140 and studies have shown that it usually have an impact on social interactions, thence the wording in my description

Q: What sort of expert questions do we want?

14

What does a good expert question look like on this site? Possibly related to Are hypothetical questions welcome? and How can we include the terminology of interpersonal skills into our site? . Our beta invite says: The first questions set the tone for the site. If you ask high quality, exper...

discussion scope experts

3:57 PM

@Tinkeringbell It might not be bad to update that question then. The only upvoted answer on it mentions "The same barista keeps getting my name wrong; what do I do?" as a good question

Yeah, it's not that close to research questions as I remember.

@avazula Ah, interesting. Thank you for the explanation. (I'm up there too. Don't have an exact number, but I qualified for Mensa)

@Tinkeringbell I think I might still post a meta about research based questions. Perhaps I'll like to the meta about theory questions

@Rainbacon Well, then welcome to the club pal :p

@avazula Thanks!

Mine actually comes with a huge impostor syndrome, and ironically, I feel extremely stupid

4:09 PM

@avazula When were you evaluated? How long did it take? I never took one but I tried some online test and there all seemed very long and boring

That's fairly common. One of my co-workers did some research for a lunch and learn a couple of years ago. I don't remember any of the numbers, but I know that he found it to be a really common occurrence.

From the studies I read, people with a high IQ are more subject to anxiety and depression. But I didn't know about the "smart people feeling stupid"

Q: Why was my academic-studies question closed and what can I do to have it reopen?

@Noon I took the tests twice in my life, one at ~11-12 and one last autumn. I booked the afternoon for taking the tests and discussing the results

El'endia Starman

Dunning–Kruger effect

In the field of psychology, the Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which people of low ability have illusory superiority and mistakenly assess their cognitive ability as greater than it is. The cognitive bias of illusory superiority comes from the inability of low-ability people to recognize their lack of ability. Without the self-awareness of metacognition, low-ability people cannot objectively evaluate their competence or incompetence.As described by social psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger, the cognitive bias of illusory superiority results from an internal illusion in...

Introverted Meta Man.

1

Today, I posted this question: "How are you today?" vs "Are you better today?". Someone left a comment saying that they thought the question wasn't specific enough so I edited it to make it less broad. The question still got closed. Since academic-research are on-topic here, can someone tell m...

discussion scope specific-question

4:16 PM

@Rainbacon Yep, sounds good to me

I was sort of given an IQ test when I was evaluated for aspergers. But it wasn't a full one.

@avazula @Rainbacon Was doing the test boring?

@Rainbacon I wish I could officially be recognized for Aspergers. The next meeting available is in 3 years in France ...

@Noon I didn't think it was boring, but as I was desesperately waiting for answers on why I felt so bad, well... I may be biased here

I thought it was really fun. But I like taking tests

Me too :D

4:26 PM

Well, I likesome tests, but I find some other really boring (mostly the ones I'm bad at :P )

Q: How should we define what makes a question asking for academic research on topic?

I posted this meta Let me know if there are any improvements that could be made. I'm not convinced that it is in its best form

Introverted Meta Man.

4:47 PM

1

Background Recently, this question and that one have been asked in the tag academic-research. Both questions were closed within a few hours of being posted and as of this question one has been reopened following this discussion in its comments. User A: This is asking about research regardin...

discussion

7:27 PM

@Noon Might be. Soooo... our policy is „No hypotethical questions, except they have a academic background“?

Hmmm... Honestly.... having not been on this site for a year is enough to make it almost impossible to get back into our policys. I am trying now to do so for more than 2 months and still have no clue. And also almost fully lost my motivation to even try. Now consider how new users to this site feel, who have not even a feeling of „what once was ok“

@dhein Honestly? I don't think you missed much for that year. I was just thinking how nice our recent meta activity is: Just focusing on what is a good question/answer and scope. It's a lot different than the 'putting out fires' mode that IPS was in for a long time.

It feels like you actually have to study meta posts in a way one has to study jura. Like „specific things are on topic given they do x or are a subset of y but not z“. And then there are even contradicting meta posts which get considered to be edited rather than taken at face value.

In short, I think we need to go back to the idea that 'Interpersonal Skills are the behaviours you use to interact with other people' and work from there.

@dhein True, certainly for e.g. etiquette questions. Do we want all etiquette?

Or just the ones that are about behaviours used when interacting with other people?

And right now I feel like there is probably a pattern, but I have no idea how to materialize it. And so if not evenI can get it, how some casual users are supposed to?

@Tinkeringbell gimme a sec to read and understand what you wrote

I don't know. I can see us rewriting our help/on-topic in the far future. But first, let's get back to the really, really basics. Discuss on meta the specific questions you find on main.

7:40 PM

I think I agree. but I really need to be sure I get you correct before saying I agree :P

in other words: brb smoking ^^

hahaha have fun! I'm going to watch a bit of Netflix :)

@Tinkeringbell have fun, too then :)

8:02 PM

@Tinkeringbell Ok, the part that we should get back to the basics is exactly what I had in mind. But I am not sure if discussing each question in specific and hoping a good format will come up at the end will work out. I mean we are emotional beings, so we can‘t just ignore the background even if we try to.

So evaluating each question for itself, would lead to some kind of cultural perception, where everyone having followed the discussions will most likely be able to make out if we see something ontopic or not. But to put that in a few simple phrases and especially explain it to others won‘t be easy then

What I see currently being the big problem is, our guidelines are nothing you can take as strict refference, and more like being bended by what we can find on meta and how far we can inteprete that, to get specific topics that we like being on topic and those we don‘t being offtopic

As said, I think starting over is a good idea, but maybe we shouldnt start that on a meta level, but even on a meta level of our meta.

I mean like.... First making clear, how we want our guide lines to be build. Making clear, how much feedback an meta question/answer has to have to be taken as refference. How we evaluate a given answer. And what are the requirements to build a guideline out of meta posts

So that everyone at least is on the same site about how to use meta

And preventing the meta being used like a sandbox where any support for a soecific case can be found as long you can reason good enough about how to inteprete something

I am talking of as basic as.... making a guideline first, how we even should use meta to come up with policys for the main site. As I start suspecting the confusion might come from different ideas of how meta should/can be used might exist here

If that makes any sense 😅

Q: How to find out if my girlfriend secretly wants to get pregnant?

9:20 PM

0

I'm dating an immigrant and there are many issues with our relationship due to her immigration status. Over the last month I have slowly started to suspect that she wants to get pregnant, to keep me as her boyfriend and/or to benefit herself in her quest to become a citizen. First, when we first...

relationships

Q: A private beta. What can we do to make this site a success?

9:37 PM

@dhein True. That's the art of writing comments though. If you're going to close a question, leave a comment. If that links to a meta post, that's perfect!

@dhein It's never supposed to be 'like' vs. 'dislike', only insofar that stuff that's off-topic, too broad or unclear is a bit 'disliked' for 'not being a good question'.

18

Interpersonal Skills has entered into private beta. I waited many days for this entry and since today is Tuesday, I am checking from morning itself when this will be launched. There are many SE sites that get closed after beta because of less people/ questions/ etc. So, how can we help get this...

discussion site-promotion

This was a discussion had about 'private beta'. Of course we're not in private beta, but it explains a few good practices. I understand your worries, but teaching people how to use meta is something that evolves over time. We shouldn't really meta our meta, though there is some stuff on this on main meta (post like 'What is a Meta' come to mind).

The guidelines for meta usage and how it's supposed to influence site scope are probably somewhere, I need time to look that up.

But in general, no, not every question needs discussion on meta. We can extrapolate, and if someone disagrees (sees enough similarities) to say 'hey, this is a general rule, but it doesn't apply here', there's always more meta.

What I'm basically trying to say is 'Don't overthink it. If you feel a question is open or closed unfairly, take it to meta'.

10:01 PM

Hello :)

Alex

10:16 PM

Hello.