I have a friend of opposite sex. We see and talk with each other about once a week.
Every few weeks I initiate an unsolicited conversation on-line (private message on social media).
This person never ignores my messages (and never ignores anyone else either).
How can I ask what they think of m...
For reference, my significant other and I are in our early twenties. We have been married for less than a year.
We argue frequently- nothing too toxic, no swearing (which is offensive in our culture), no mimicking or name calling or physical violence. Unfortunately, some of these disputes are di...
@Tinkeringbell I have been looking for your "How do I write a good answer" FAQ for the last 20 minutes... before realizing that your FAQ was about questions ><
I spent most of my high school isolating myself. Mostly watching anime and being alone. I was always too afraid to get close to anyone, and now that it has been years since high school, I want to reconnect with those people. Maybe one of those reasons I pushed others away is because I am bisexual...
@Mazura - I frequently worry about potentially seeming creepy when not on a quest for carnal knowledge, specifically because that is not my intent, but I can imagine that others might presume that it is. — Dave Sherohman49 secs ago
Recently I have noticed that the relationship I had built with a co-worker seemed to be eroding. I have been hiding my frustrations but I might not be doing a good job at it. Also there might be complications involving my manager that I do not know how to address.
My goal is to strengthen a goo...
[ SmokeDetector | MS ] Bad keyword in body, bad keyword in title, pattern-matching product name in title, pattern-matching website in body, potentially bad keyword in body, +2 more: Keto Lux:- Weight Loss Supplements by user21983 on interpersonal.SE
Today, I spend almost 20 minutes looking for the meta post "How do I write a good answer?". Spoiler alert, the post that I clearly remember upvoting doesn't exist because this post was about questions not answers.
Instead, I finally manage to find this discussion.
However, I would have found i...
I'm an 18-year-old male. Some weeks ago, I and a female friend of mine went on a one-week cycling trip. We're almost exactly the same age, she's an old childhood friend, we've known each other practically forever, sometimes we saw each other naked when we were children, occasionally we bathed tog...
So he is 30 and you still view him as your responsibility to get him where your parents want him to be. Did I get that right? I don't think anything good can come out of this... — mathreadler30 secs ago
@Noon oh, I still have one week :) I'm actually waiting for my best friend who's on her way from Amiens, she spends the week with me by the sea :) (but the weather is terrible right now!)
@Noon ah, yeah, that's a bit short for an explanation.
I guess we could explain what we raised in comments below your proposal and link to a meta post about closing intrap questions. That should be enough to me.
@Noon in Saint-Brévin, Loire Atlantique. Its an hour away from Nantes. That's where my mother lives. Were gonna drive around, maybe go to Nantes, Rennes, Noirmoutier and La Rochelle if we have time :)
@avazula Yes but that the "explain" part that I have a hard time with. I'm not that good with English and giving a clear explanation is hard for me (I sometimes have a hard doing it in French too ^^ )
@avazula Yes, I always spend a good time of my summer holiday in La Tranche-sur-Mer, it's one hour from La Roche-sur-Yon/Les Sables d'Olonne (which I recommend visiting just to see "l'île Penotte" google.com/search?q=les+sables+d+olonne+l+ile+penotte) and one and half hour from La Rochelle.
(it's weird to see French name in English sentence :P )
"I'm voting to close this as off-topic because this is about intrapersonal skills rather than interpersonal skills. We cant help you with things that go on exclusively within you. This site is about actions and issues between several people. please see some-meta-discussion to learn more on how to ask an on-topic question."
@Noon oh, I've already been to la Tranche! Beautiful city. Not many young people around though :p
@avazula Thanks ^^ It's just that, most of the time, I'm struggling to get words out and I don't always know if what I say is clear or not. But good to know it seems clear to you :)
I actually had a depression while I was there (nothing related, just PTSD after surviving a terror attack 4 months before), and I get that being anxious while away from our country and relatives is tremendously hard
@avazula I want to use it be I can't post it on the answer I already made because it's too different. So, I want to post as another answer but I feel you should be the one posting it (and I don't think it's about adding something and more about choosing the right sentence which is primarily opinion-based)
@Noon it happens (being depressed). I'm glad i could bring mental health issues awareness to my relatives. I still have hard times thinking I'm glad I survived (maybe I'm not 100% cured, i don't know, but I think I've always thought that way, like not worth living) but I'm in a good place right now. I guess its part of my story.
@Noon okay then. Ill find that related meta post and push it :)
It makes me think of this video I recently watch and that I really wanted to share: facebook.com/BuzzFeedHealth/videos/329163797829955 and I were wondering how I could use what it said and apply it here (spoiler alert, I didn't find :P )
@avazula I get that, writing stuff is easier for me too
@avazula "in addition to, you know, the stack's name" XD
@Noon that's very interesting. Its very hard to know is to let people go through their pain, but its essential in order to move on later. Sister Emmanuelle had a beautiful sentence about it, rough translation: "pain is easier when shared". Time after time, I became a confident for many relatives and I like to think about myself as a listener. When I was younger, I used to try to advise suffering people and tell them what they could do to try to improve their situation.
It ended up in them relying on my opinions to feel better and led to disastrous friendships breakups. The relationships became unhealthy. Since i learned to just listen, i noticed how much people feel better just to talk about it, even if I have nothing to say to help them feel better.
@Noon I love writing. Its not creative writing, but I keep diaries and notebooks since age 14. At that time i wanted to write my daily life down so I could remember it even if I forget or get Alzheimer one day.
It helped me a lot to write things done back when I was 16 and experienced my first panic attacks. They lasted until age 20 (until I got closure with a traumatic event from my past) and that dialogue with myself whenever i felt bad helped me, SO MUCH.
@avazula I also have a diary but it's only been 2 years. I use it because I know it helps me but I really had to force myself the first time (a bit less now but still). I mostly use it when I'm unwell and, because of it, I'm pretty sure anyone who would read it will think I have an awful life (when, it's not that bad)
However, I always feel that it was unfair that simply talking to yourself don't work but writing does...
Recently communication with my coworker had been a bit weird.
Some background here.
He came to me a few weeks ago and expressed concerns that an important goal of his team was not progressing and that I and my peers should give it some priority. He seemed to be stressed about it. I explained th...
I just remember that I used it just yesterday to help me make pasta because I was hungry but my *#@$ brain didn't want me to cook anything (because I may have not it eat...)
@avazula I am bad at spelling and writing was, for a long time, associated with bad memory (I always hated dictation and felt incompetent when writing stuff)
@avazula Actualy, it was writing fictional stuff for myself only (where I don't have to care about what others will think) that helps me (I always loved inventing story)
There was a time when I didn't care wether my drawings were objectively good, but now that I stopped drawing on a daily basis, I lost that confidence and am petrified, too afraid of doing it wrong
I admire my soon-coming best friend for that too. She just graduated from chemistry engineering school but pursues writing comics, for that's what she really wants to do now. That's impressive how incredibly shy she is IRL but isn't afraid of sharing her work. I admire her for that
@Noon I still hope it'd get back to how it used to be :) I just bought myself a graphics tablet and alcohol markers the other day and i oftentimes publish my work on Instagram . That's impressive how drawing makes me feel good. It's like my meditative activity.
@avazula I just started coloring again and it is really relaxing but when I share my work (writing or coloring), it's usually only with my close circle
@avazula My theory is that, if you don't create yourself, you don't know how much a creation tells about someone
@avazula I do but mostly because it would have been easier finding a part-time if I only was a technician (in computer science)
I still hope that, someday, I will get that well paid part-time which would allow me to create stuff after my part-time workday (instead of just coming home exhausted and wanted to do nothing)
@Noon Netflix has become my non-brain-consuming activity. I'm not really ok with that, I think it's not productive enough. At least when I draw it alleviates my stress.
@avazula Well, watching TV show help me with my anxiety so, I'm perfectly ok with doing it. Plus, I don't think that you always need to be productive. Sometimes, you can just do what you want to do and it's ok
@avazula Maybe but I don't know if it is what you need. When people judge me because I spend too much time "doing nothing" (watch TV, reading, etc..) it stresses me which mean I need do to "nothing" for even longer
@Noon say the ones spending 4 hours posting selfies on Instagram... People are good at judging. Acting, on the other hand..
But its true that oftentimes what you need differs from what you're actually doing. For instance, i hate going to the gym at 6AM, but i know i need it. I feel great after working out, but its so hard to find motivation/have the dedication to go for it ^^
@avazula Well, the one who mostly say that is my mom who is kind of a sport and social addict... I recently had the confirmation (like, this week) that I'm on the autism spectrum which confirmed that I won't ever be able to do as much as my mom wish me to do. I tried that on my last holiday with my family (this summer) and pushed myself too much. As a result, I was terrible unwell after my holiday (exhausted, sleeping less and eating way less)
What I'm trying to say is that you don't know what other need. Sure, going to the gym at 6AM might be good for you but it might be terribly bad for other
@Noon that's perfectly right. It comes back that what we said earlier: acknowledging is helpful AND welcome, advising (especially when you didn't asked for it) is not.
We're grown ups, we know a little about how to deal best with our lives
@avazula She was already convinced that I was on the spectrum so it didn't change much. But now, I feel that I am legitimate to defend myself when anyone implies that I'm just lazy
(It's kind of sad, however, that I felt the need to have a diagnose to legitimately told someone that being around people was exhausted and that why I didn't want to go to X )
@avazula Yes, knowing why I am how I am is definitely a relief
@avazula More the fact that, if you don't have a signed paper, people won't believe you when you tell them that you have an invisible handicap (and even with a signed paper, they might still not believe you "but you don't seem disabled!")
@Noon this is particularly predominant in France. Countless people think that depression isn't a disease and rather that you have issues at work / in your marriage / whatever. Its exhausting to have to justify yourself.
I may be wrong but it seems that mental health issues are better acknowledged in the US (at least some of them)
@Noon yeah. Strangely I felt more hurt by people who would comment my medication-induced weight gain. Everyone would add their 2 cents, from "it's because youre vegan" from "you're not putting enough effort to lose weight". (I won 30kg in 6 months, who would gain that much weight that quickly because of bad eating and sparse PE?)
@Noon thanks for that! I'm eager to learn more about it :)
Its my physician who hurt me the most. I came to see her because my periods stopped for 5 months. I told her I took both urinal and blood tests pretty late after my periods stopped so I was sure i wasn't pregnant. She still gave me a prescription for a new test and others to look for any iron deficiency (she's not very vegefriendly). In the end i had hormonal issues, but not that she'd know about it since she didn't give me any prescription to check that...
@avazula Doesn't sound that strange to me :) Plus, when I'm in a bad place, I'm always afraid that I will lose weight and that people will congrats me for something that means I'm unwell and that I didn't want in the first place (I like my weight, thank you very much)
@Noon i never experienced that but i have a very skinny friend who struggles so hard to gain weight and people who judge her "why would you do that? I wish I had your body!". Discrimination towards lean people is as much current and hurtful.
@ElizB hey you :) I get your intention here and id like to thank you for trying to help them, but if I were you I'd choose another phrasing, since we actually don't accept comments for anything else than improvements and clarifications :)
@avazula That sucks :/ My last psychiatrist wasn't vegan-friendly either (and she knew nothing about autism, telling me wrong stuff) and well, it was hard to decide to see someone else but I had too
@avazula My mom help me with the phone calls to find a new one (I hate talking on the phone and it exhausted me) but ditching the old one wasn't that hard since I only saw her twice (and canceling a rendezvous is easier than taking one, at least for me). I didn't see the new psychiatrist yet but I know he is good (he was recommended by an association for people on the autistic spectrum)
@avazula There is a lot of IT jobs were I live but not the one I want. I will probably have to go to Paris and I just hope that I won't have to use the public transport (or, at the very least, just for a short time each day)
@avazula It definitely does. I'm counting on a big enough salary to help with that (student don't have a lot of money but, as a computer engineer, I might have)
@Noon sounds about right (I'm not saying it's fair haha! Although accommodation sure is cheaper). But its not only Paris. One of my friends started at 41k in Cannes
I was thinking of making this two separate questions but I think the two together are closely related and affect each other.
I've had the experience a few times were someone is trying to get me to do something or ask me questions that really is between me and a different person.
My specific sit...
please reword if neccesary
My crush (same one as in one of my other questions) is now a good friend of mine. She certainly does like me as a friend, and I want to remain as her friend but I also have romantic feelings for her. I am not asking how I should ask her (that was the previous question,...