The Awkward Silence

6:00 PM

Given two options, never needing to defend your daughters, vs. being put in a circumstance where you successfully defended your daughters, which would you prefer?

Mithrandir

@IPSCommentBot Wow, a hit a few minutes after addition.

user15026

While I appreciate some sort of self-defense training is a generally useful thing, saying that someone has managed to not get in fights so far in their life is a detriment is kinda....strange to me

user15026

@sphennings Why is it always assumed that it's daughters that need defending?

sphennings

@Ash I'm going off the example that was provided.

Richard U

@Ash I got my ass beat every day growing up. I had little choice.

sphennings

6:01 PM

@RichardU That sounds rough.

user15026

@RichardU That's fair, but just because someone hasn't had that experience doesn't mean they're lacking a thing.

Mithrandir24601

@Ash In this specific case, it's possible that @RichardU has 2 (or more) daughters, but no sons?

sphennings

@Ash It's a little close to an appeal to emotion for my tastes.

Richard U

@Mithrandir24601 no sons

user15026

I appreciate that you had to learn based on your life experience. It's unfortunate that you had to :(

Richard U

6:03 PM

@Ash Is it? It made me mean enough to destroy an online bullying ring.

user15026

Alright, I don't think I'm going to see your side and I don't think you'll see mine.

Richard U

@Ash who knows. I assume everyone I speak to knows something I don't

user15026

I don't think my general lack of having to physically/emotionally fight people has lead to an overall detriment in my ability to go through life.

Richard U

@Ash maybe, maybe not.

If you never need to fight, then no. If there comes a time when you have no choice, I hope you find it in you.

user15026

@RichardU Well, yes, I know you disagree, but this conversation insofar as my part in it isn't going anywhere but in repetitive unconstructive circles.

Richard U

6:05 PM

@Ash give it a chance, we both may learn something

you've made me curious as to your perspective. This is a chance to change my mind.

Mithrandir24601

@Ash While I wouldn't quite call it 'learning to fight', martial arts is fun and good exercise. In the (hopefully never-to-occur) event that you do get into a real fight, it just so happens to potentially help there as well. So, it's well worth at least trying (if you've got the time)

Richard U

@Mithrandir24601 once I took the martial arts, I stopped getting into fights.

user15026

@Mithrandir24601 A lot of martial arts are no-go for me - I have to, for medical reasons, avoid rough contact type stuff.

Richard U

@Ash try an internal martial art, like Tai Chi

user15026

Honestly, I'm not interested?

Mithrandir24601

6:06 PM

@RichardU Yep - I've spent time in martial arts learning the psychology of how not to get into a fight

Richard U

@Mithrandir24601 indeed. That's how I learned the relaxed stance to discourage people. Confidence repells predators.

Mithrandir

Aikido Self Defense against Sword Attack

►

Richard U

@Ash if you are ever interested in a martial art, I recommend tai chi.

Clay07g

Real fighting is the worst way to prepare yourself for real fighting.

ArtOfCode

@Mithrandir beat me by literally a second

user15026

6:08 PM

@RichardU Right now I think I'll stick with my strength training :)

Mithrandir

@ArtOfCode I guess I'm a... ninja ;)

user15026

@Mithrandir Yep, this is the sort of attitude I take

Richard U

@Ash make sure you do flexibility training. as well.

user15026

@RichardU Yep, that's part of what I do as well :)

user15026

A lot of flexibility/agility stuff along with the strength stuff :)

Mithrandir24601

6:09 PM

@Mithrandir Yep. Absolutely :)

Richard U

@Ash good. That, more than the strength training, will protect you from injury

user15026

@RichardU That's why I do it :) I don't want to hurt myself doing any of this. Being strong is only useful if I've not broken myself to get there.

Richard U

Next April 1st, everyone change their name to Mithrandir

Mithrandir

this has come up an amusing amount of times

Richard U

@Ash when I was doing the martial arts, I was so flexible, I could put both feet behind my head

user15026

6:12 PM

@RichardU I'm not there yet :P

user15026

(I'm 6ft 300ish lbs, so there's....a lot of me :P)

Richard U

@Ash I'm down to 190. 30 to go.

user15026

I'm not really working on weight loss in any active sense, focusing on strength and such primarily.

TheTinyMan

@RichardU We should actually do that xD

Also, hi guys! xD

Richard U

@TheTinyMan if I had to pick any three characters I personally identify with, I'd pick Dr Gregory House, Garak from STDS9, and Richard Rahl from the Sword of Truth series

TheTinyMan

6:23 PM

@RichardU You strike me as a House guy somehow. :-P

Rather, as a House analogue

The kind of guy who is like House :-)

Richard U

@TheTinyMan I remember watching it with family and them laughing when House would say something I had already said, or I commented something and then House said the same thing on screen

And yes, my pranks are legendary

Tinkeringbell

@RichardU So, it isn't lupus?

Richard U

@Tinkeringbell it's NEVER Lupus

TheTinyMan

@RichardU I have two friends who have lupus! D:

Stinkin' House!

Tinkeringbell

@RichardU You don't want to know

Richard U

6:35 PM

Does anyone know what else floats on water?

TheTinyMan

@RichardU Witches?

Rainbacon

A duck!

Tinkeringbell

@RichardU oil spill that kills the duck!

ArtOfCode

...and that's how the chatroom was named, kids.

Em C

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/14008/3171 delete votes pls? looks like someone accidentally posted

Tinkeringbell

6:48 PM

@EmC lets see,maybe they wanna edit/are already on it

Em C

@Tinkeringbell ok, np :)

Tinkeringbell

I don'think so, but it's worth a shot. I'll keep an eye on it and delete later if necessary ;)

I only now noticed it was already 10 minutes old

Richard U

Kill da wabbit!

they can always post a new one, when they realize how to do it

Tinkeringbell

@RichardU true.

Richard U

7:06 PM

One of the mods at TWP quit SE today.

Mithrandir

It's been brewing for a few days.

Richard U

@Mithrandir he will be missed. He was great

Mithrandir

Indeed.

Richard U

I hope he's okay

Rainbacon

7:19 PM

So many good people leaving lately...

apaul

@RichardU Have you seen Hugh Laurie's new show on Hulu? Fun times in vigilantism.

Pheo

@apaul! Looks like I missed a lot since I was last in here.

Richard U

@apaul no, I don't watch TV any more.

apaul

@RichardU He still plays a doctor, but he's a shrink who kills his patients' abusers. Pretty good stuff

Tinkeringbell

Well, I just started something on netflix... subtitles on the opening: [gloomy dramatic music]... that's going to be good!

TheTinyMan

7:29 PM

Hey, where'd @apaul come from? :-D

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan I'm pretty sure it was America.

Mithrandir24601

@Tinkeringbell I'm currently about 2/3 of the way through Jessica Jones series 2. It's not as good as the first, sadly :/

I mean, if it was anywhere near as good as the first series, I'd have finished it a fair while back

Maybe I'll just watch some Tarantino...

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir24601 I've already forgotten what I'm actually trying to watch... some sort of horror exorcism thing

Richard U

I saw "The disappearance of Alice Creed" a while back. A nice relaxing watch.

Mithrandir24601

@Tinkeringbell Ah. I'm debating whether I'd rather watch Kill Bill (it's been a while), Django Unchained (which I've never actually seen before), or something else... I wish I had some studio Ghibli films

Richard U

7:36 PM

@Mithrandir24601 I like "Murder by Death" for a nice, funny romp

Alec Guinness, peter faulk, Eileen Brennan, James Coco, David Niven, Maggie Smith, Truman Capote, Peter Sellers.... FUNNY!!!!

Mithrandir24601

@RichardU Huh, that certainly looks like a really good cast list...

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How to influence a friend to stop escalating conflicts?

A lot of interpersonal/communication advice out there centers on helping to de-escalate conflicts when you're personally involved in them or can take a mediating role. However, what do you do if you notice a tendency in someone else to escalate conflicts that you're not present for, but that they...

Richard U

I think I did a good one there ^^^^^^^^

Tinkeringbell

@RichardU I bet you 5 there'll be a comment saying that that's not the question... But it is good :D

I get the impression this is a person that gets into conflict, goes to the OP to rant about it, and then the OP wants to say 'Your fault too'... In a nice way?

Richard U

7:51 PM

@Tinkeringbell oh, it answers the question, it's just not the answer the OP wants to hear. :D If you want to deescalate, you can't say "Well, you too!"

Tinkeringbell

@RichardU Except the OP doesnt need to deescalate, they want to teach their friend? maybe?

derrie! now I'm unsure :P

sphennings

8:10 PM

@RichardU That's a great answer but the OP is wanting to get their friend to deescalate things, when the OP is not around.

To me that seems like a lead a horse to water type situation.

Richard U

8:23 PM

@sphennings well, those are techniques that would work in either deescalating the friend or teaching the friend to do so.

apaul

@RichardU Kinda surprised to see that coming from you :P

doppelgreener

Saruman is a bully!

►

@Mithrandir

(both of you potentially, assuming that pings you both :D)

Mithrandir

nah, that just pings me, not @Mith

Mithrandir24601

o/

@doppelgreener That's somewhat random :P

Ooh, Matt Easton has a couple of new videos :)

sphennings

8:53 PM

@RichardU That's if the friend is willing to listen. I read the question as less "how do I teach?", and more "how do I get my friend want to?"

sphennings

10:11 PM

I'm really supprized how well received my answer about yawning has been.

Pheo

@sphennings link?

NVM, I can follow the profile trails.

Extroverted Main Man

10:47 PM

0

Q: Dealing with friends are attempting to recruit me for a job

I'm going to leave as many details out as possible to keep this anonymous since they are in tech, but here we go: I have some friends who are starting their own company. They have some small capital, and as a talented software engineer, my skills are useful to them. Initially I was interested. ...

friends friend-groups argument

0

Q: Is reflective listening appropriate for text messages? Is there a better alternative?

In my experience, trying to practice reflective listening over SMS or other asynchronous messaging platform doesn't work. As a sender, if I send a reflection and we weren't deeply embedded in active conversation on both sides, I find that the other person often disengages, maybe texts back a few...

texting active-listening

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