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Jesse
Jesse
12:00 AM
@Mithrandir24601 Also, regularly changing profile pictures could "help" some more with the confusion
 
Em C
Em C
@Rainbacon glad to help! :)
I did notice you mentioned autism but I don't really feel qualified to talk about that... fun fact though, the guy I mentioned in that recently told me he thought he might be on the spectrum. so who knows!
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
12:15 AM
@EmC I don't think that answers need to talk about autism per se, I just thought it was might be information to include. It's nice to have the perspective of someone who has been in my girlfriend's position
 
Em C
Em C
@Rainbacon ah ok :)
 
Extroverted Main Man
Extroverted Main Man
12:38 AM
4
Q: How do I deal with people being overly forward on the bus?

AshI take the bus a lot. (I don't own a car, it's not feasible for me to do so). Mostly, I sit in my seat and I read or I check my phone, people tend to leave me to do my thing. However, in the past few weeks, I've had to deal with a few people (male - I look generally female/feminine) who think t...

canada public-transportation flirting
 
A J
A J
1:32 AM
@Mithrandir I don't believe you unless you post a picture of your smashed modem. ;P
 
Extroverted Main Man
Extroverted Main Man
1:45 AM
0
Q: My girlfriend got asked out by the guy her best friend likes

GodsentSo, my girlfriend (let’s call her Mei) works in a dining hall with her roommate and this guy (let’s call him Ron). Mei’s roommate (let’s call her Sam) has had a crush on Ron for months but he never really made a move in her direction. Turns out, last night, after about four/five months of worki...

relationships etiquette roommates coworkers friendship
 
 
1 hour later…
Extroverted Main Man
Extroverted Main Man
2:53 AM
0
Q: Asking someone to stop something that is technically illegal but don't want to seem like I'm hiding something

bighouseI live in a large house shared with several other roommates. The landlord has been letting him self in, often without a clear reason. This is illegal where I live. Sometimes I do not see him my self, but he leaves notes for us or makes changes to the house (for example he left a note of what appe...

roommates privacy
 
 
4 hours later…
Jesse
Jesse
6:51 AM
If you have been responding to comments and you realise the entire conversation is not going anywhere. Do you delete your comments and then flag as obsolete or wait until the flags have been reviewed and then delete your comments?
 
Mithrandir
Mithrandir
Remove your own and flag.
You can also ask for help here flagging so that they delete themselves.
 
Jesse
Jesse
7:02 AM
@Mithrandir I figured that was the suggested way, but then hesitated because leaving the comment up might help give some context as to why I am saying it is delete-worthy.
Anyway, flag plz (and the 3 subsequent comments) -> interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/13899/…
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
8:08 AM
AAAAAAAA! I do not know what I did to anger the Gods of Programming, but today I have to start writing/editing a business proposal, and my laptop just bluescreened and I've lost my notes :(
 
Extroverted Main Man
Extroverted Main Man
0
Q: How to stop a friend from being "touchy-feely" towards me?

enlighten_meBackground I have a friend who I met in college (we're both 19 year old males) and we attended the same classes together. Throughout the semesters he was a little "touchy-feely" (e.g. putting his arm around my shoulders in the bro-like fashion more than a normal friend would) towards me. I am su...

friends awkward-situations
 
Jesse
Jesse
8:26 AM
@Tinkeringbell Look on the bright side, better to lose it the day you start than the day you are about to finish :D
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@Jesse Ugh... the fact that I have to do this at all already feels like a punishment ... I just lost an hour worth of meeting notes, and now I've forgotten where to start :(. I just turned on the automatic back ups, hope that helps.
 
Cashbee
Cashbee
@Tinkeringbell this reminds me of a text my coworker found on the internetz:
> I do want to add this though. I removed that Recovery Folder and it was beautiful. I mean, the consequences were just beautiful. After removing it, I rebooted the computer and found it couldn't reboot. It was the most beautiful blue color I have ever seen.
> But the computer wouldn't go any further than that. My advice, unless pain is something you enjoy, don't remove that Folder. Otherwise you will have a computer that will not boot and the pain follows. Yes, the blue on the screen is gorgeous but you yourself will have the blues.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@Cashbee hahaha, well, I didn't even remove my Recovery Folder... I dunno, I toke a photo and I'll run it by IT. Not my laptop, but my problem :P.
 
 
2 hours later…
Extroverted Main Man
Extroverted Main Man
10:27 AM
0
Q: How to kill off my DnD character, without upsetting the Dungeon Master who has invested time into creating his backstory?

BilkokuyaFor the past two years, I've been playing the tabletop roleplaying game Dungeons and Dragons with a single group of 5 friends. Up till now, we have played as the same characters, which grow as part of the story the designated "Dungeon Master" develops. This has included backstories that have bee...

friends games respect
 
 
2 hours later…
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
12:49 PM
Slow night on IPS
 
Cashbee
Cashbee
yeah let's live it up in here party party
There are so few comments now to flag, how boring
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
1:02 PM
@Cashbee Yeah, I was kind of surprised my question about sensitive topics with my girlfriend didn't get more bad behavior, but I'm not going to complain about it.
 
Mithrandir
Mithrandir
1:13 PM
→ 42 messages moved to Trash
 
SQB
SQB
@ExtrovertedMainMan Wouldn't that git better on Role-playing Games? From what I've seen, they address the interpersonal aspects as well.
Not that I want it kicked out migrated per se, but it might be tied closer to RPG customs than we know.
 
doppelgreener
doppelgreener
@SQB we do, and it might. we're also fine with interpersonal questions being asked here, as long as IPS thinks they can handle the RPG situation effectively.
 
Cashbee
Cashbee
@SQB it's perfectly fine here. op decided to post here because the main aspect of his question is about how to have the conversation with the DM
i think op is very aware of the existence of rpg.se
 
doppelgreener
doppelgreener
They are, they have an account there.
 
SQB
SQB
Yes, I read so in their comments.
But are they aware of that aspect of it?
 
doppelgreener
doppelgreener
1:21 PM
not sure
should I leave a comment mentioning we do that?
 
Cashbee
Cashbee
i think the most UV'ed answer is very nice
 
SQB
SQB
@doppelgreener I think that would be a good idea. I was about to, but you're better equipped to do so, as a mod there.
 
doppelgreener
doppelgreener
Ok, cool.
 
Richard U
Richard U
Ah, the conflict is dropping off. Birds are singing, rainbows are in the sky. I think I'll hug a puppy.
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
@RichardU You should bring the puppy into Manhattan, I'd like to hug it too
 
Loki
Loki
1:26 PM
Why cant we all get puppies ?
 
doppelgreener
doppelgreener
Just FYI, RPG.SE also facilitates questions about interpersonal/social dynamics, we're not just about mechanics -- e.g. we have a few tags devoted to interpersonal stuff. The question I linked was indeed asking about mechanical methods but received recommendations for an interpersonal approach instead relevant to your situation, hence why I linked it. You're free to ask interpersonal RPG questions here too if you'd like, I'm just posting this in case you were unaware. — doppelgreener just now
 
IPS Comment Bot
IPS Comment Bot
+1 for portraying the perspective of the other party, instead of just from my POV — enlighten_me 48 secs ago
#13986 enlighten_me (169 rep) | A: How to stop a friend from being "touchy-feely" towards me? (score: 1) | posted 9 minutes ago by Forklift (541 rep)
Matched regex(es) ["+1"]
 
SQB
SQB
@doppelgreener worded excellently.
 
IPS Comment Bot
IPS Comment Bot
On the one hand I completely agree with what you're trying to say in your answer. On the other it feels like you're not really taking into account just how much effort a DM invests into setting up each D&D session. So definitely not a downvote, but I'm not convinced enough to upvote either. (I'll also delete my previous comment as no longer relevant with your edit). — Imus 1 min ago
#13974 Imus (572 rep) | A: How to kill off my DnD character, without upsetting the Dungeon Master who has invested time into creating his backstory? (score: 0) | posted 2 hours ago by Astralbee (11742 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Astralbee (11742 rep)
Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]
 
Richard U
Richard U
1:57 PM
@Loki isn't Fenris a cute little puppy?
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU Good answer :p Very terse.
I'm curious if you can make it any shorter. Bonus points if you make it with the minimum number of characters allowed in an answer.
 
IPS Comment Bot
IPS Comment Bot
In the title you mention "killing off" your character. How literal should we take this? If you would be fine with turning your high level character into an NPC, then you retiring your character actually sounds like a pretty big payoff for all the work your DM did, he get a well-developed NPC out of the deal. (Maybe your character goes crazy and becomes the next big bad, maybe your character becomes an important advisor to the king, etc...) — Peter 1 min ago
#13971 Peter (101 rep) | Q: How to kill off my DnD character, without upsetting the Dungeon Master who has invested time into creating his backstory? (score: 4) | posted 3 hours ago by Bilkokuya (1456 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by Bilkokuya (1456 rep)
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings

When I break into verse
I am often terse
but if I decide to curse
It ends up far worse
.................................................
Once, when I was bored
I replied to each poster
With just a Haiku
 
sphennings
sphennings
"Judge answers by their merits." Is only 30 characters.
Shave off two characters by using posts instead of answers.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings yes, the absolute minimum characters to get the system to post is 30.
 
sphennings
sphennings
2:03 PM
Does your answer really need punctuation?
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings Sorry, that meta begged for that one.
 
sphennings
sphennings
It really did.
Do you mind if I edit it down to 30 characters?
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings go for it! LOL
 
sphennings
sphennings
The edit summary is longer than the post.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@RichardU The merit of that answer is that it has none? Were you just trying to have fun or were you being serious? (Please don't make fun :P)
 
sphennings
sphennings
2:07 PM
@Tinkeringbell In a very round about way @RichardU Has a point. One line answer is just a shorthand for "Does not back it up."
 
Cashbee
Cashbee
> There once was a man in IPS-chat
he tried to rhyme and it was phat
the shorter his verses
the fuller his purses
But now he is into haikus
 
sphennings
sphennings
If someone could construct an answer that is one line that answered the OP's question and provided justification for it. It shouldn't be deleted because it is short.
 
Cashbee
Cashbee
which answer are y'all talkin about?
 
sphennings
sphennings
-1
A: Should we be more strict about one-line answers?

Richard UJudge answers by their merits.

 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@sphennings Errr... @RichardU I think it can work, but you should leave a comment explaining that... Because right if you wanna play dumb you can say that 'oh look, there's merit in the one-liner. I'm not going to back anything up on here, cause RIchard says it's okay!'
 
sphennings
sphennings
2:10 PM
@Tinkeringbell That's why I try to focus on how an answer saying "Do this" isn't substantial enough rather than on it's length.
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
I just came across a post in the review queue that starts off with "I know this isn't strictly and IPS solution" (it's not an IPS solution at all). Should I leave a comment suggesting that it needs to be an IPS solution to stick around? It seems that the poster already knows that or else they wouldn't have added the qualification, but if they know it then they intentionally ignored it so...
 
sphennings
sphennings
It better captures what the problem is, and makes it clearer how to resolve the issue. I don't have any hard data on this but I think it's relatively successful in getting people to edit their answers.
 
Cashbee
Cashbee
@Rainbacon delete IMO
 
sphennings
sphennings
@Rainbacon If they know it's not an IPS solution then they shouldn't have posted it.
 
Em C
Em C
@Tinkeringbell I like the irony of how many messages we have now to explain why this one-line answer may have value
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
2:12 PM
@Rainbacon Sounds like a good idea 😉 There must a meta link for that too
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
Ok, I'll post a comment with a meta link and recommend deletion
 
sphennings
sphennings
@Rainbacon It's also a link only answer. Those should be deleted anyways.
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
Well this is going to be a hefty comment then
 
sphennings
sphennings
@Rainbacon I've already left a review queue about the answer being a link only answer.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@Rainbacon Just make two, use enough words to not be terse but nice :)
 
sphennings
sphennings
2:15 PM
There's a lot wrong with that post. It also is just saying "Do this"
 
IPS Comment Bot
IPS Comment Bot
+1 I definitely appreciate the sentiment in this answer, and the split away from DnD specifics - which is what I am after. There's advice in here that will definitely be useful. — Bilkokuya 31 secs ago
#13974 Bilkokuya (1461 rep) | A: How to kill off my DnD character, without upsetting the Dungeon Master who has invested time into creating his backstory? (score: 1) | posted 3 hours ago by Astralbee (11742 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Astralbee (11742 rep)
Matched regex(es) ["+1"]
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
Why does your comment from review not pop up in my review?
 
sphennings
sphennings
I don't know...
Try refreshing the page?
 
Richard U
Richard U
@Tinkeringbell My answer, although answered with a bit of humor is exactly as I feel and It was as long as it needed to be. If a one liner answers the question, it answers the question. Length != quality
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@RichardU Errr... right.
 
Richard U
Richard U
2:19 PM
@Tinkeringbell but then again, there are far worse reasons to support something than "because Richard says so". At least a quarter of a billion worse reasons, by estimation.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@Tinkeringbell It's garnering a pretty negative response, I don't think people will be using it as justification for not editing short posts. @RichardU If people start using it as justification, are you cool with deleting it?
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings yes, that's fine. If need be, I will post another answer with more verbosity more clearly expounding on the plethora of reasons as to why brevity should not be considered to be a mortal sin when responding to the various and sundry querents who are the denizens of this site.
 
Cashbee
Cashbee
@RichardU can you please always talk like this`?
 
Richard U
Richard U
@Tinkeringbell would it be a bad thing if someone were to answer a question in the form of a haiku?
 
Cashbee
Cashbee
LMAO over here
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
2:22 PM
@RichardU Please don't.... I'm with Catija on this one. Main and Meta are a #nofunzone
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU I'd love to see that, provided that it answers the question, preferably on a question where the form is somewhat relevant.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
I don't care what you do in chat. Just... no fun on main/meta ;-)
 
Richard U
Richard U
@Cashbee There was a time when I always talked like this, however, after numerous engagements with non-verbal conflict resolution, by my peers growing up, I found that they made a serious appeal to my sense of self-preservation.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@Tinkeringbell I can't tell how serious you are about the no fun thing.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@sphennings Pretty serious. I've said it from the start. Fun on such places can easily look like you're making fun at someone's expense.
 
Richard U
Richard U
2:24 PM
@Tinkeringbell So, then an answer in the form of Haiku could be acceptable if it were completely and totally devoid of any and all fun in all it's various and sundry forms?
 
Loki
Loki
You can be warm but unfunny.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@Tinkeringbell If I am having fun at my own expense, could I report myself?
 
sphennings
sphennings
@Tinkeringbell That's an important point.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@RichardU Just stick it in the chatroom please...
@Loki Yep. Being nice, warm and welcoming doesn't require jokes.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@Tinkeringbell I think it's a good idea to be cautious about attempts at levity on this site, perhaps even overly so, but a blanket ban may be taking it a bit too far.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
2:27 PM
@RichardU I think the form of using a haiku may already convey you're not taking the problem 'serious'. Just use long, complicated sentences and try out every word in your vocabulary!
 
Richard U
Richard U
@Tinkeringbell

Haiku is serious
Format does not change value
it's value remains
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@sphennings Well, I've at least imposed one on myself. No comments with jokes, no 'relevant xkcd'... Sure, if there's an anecdote relevant to backing up an answer and it's kinda funny, I don't mind sharing it. But I do try to avoid words like 'funny' or 'hilarious' when writing it... Just so I don't convey to the OP that I find their situation too
 
Richard U
Richard U
@Tinkeringbell

There is a reason
That Jesters could speak the truth
In the royal courts
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
@Tinkeringbell If I were to relay the details of my last suicide attempt, should I leave out the humorous elements?
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@RichardU Could 😉 I read Foucaults Madness&Civilization. Jesters were described as basically an idolized form of madness, that changed with the industrial revolution, when madness became linked to an inability to work ;-)
 
Loki
Loki
Oh boy the weather sure is nice these days
 
Richard U
Richard U
2:31 PM
@Loki C'mon, this should be your schtick. Wait, let me get that goat, I heard a Jotuness needs a laugh
 
sphennings
sphennings
@Tinkeringbell "Relevant XKCDs" left in the comments get old quick. I know I'm less likely to inject levity into an answer here than on Worldbuilding but I've still done it on occasion.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings you should see how much TWP injects
 
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
Well, the 54th time I see the "someone is wrong on the internet" comic it's not longer cool
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings one of my higher rated answers was to a hacker who asked if he should include an aimbot (cheat) on his resume. I told him if I got that on a resume, I'd burn it and use the ashes to fertilize the poison ivy near the office.
 
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
Only the 54th. I might change my mind on 55th
Afternoon folks and other things
 
Richard U
Richard U
2:34 PM
@M.A.R.ಠ_ಠ it's often used with regards to weponized <CENSORED> (not allowed to use that word in here)
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU It's a good answer.
 
Loki
Loki
I think we should handle jokes and "fun" with care. Maybe not ban it, but we should consider if it brings anything good to the answer and if it can be taken as offensive, edit it out.
 
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
@RichardU OMG, "butterflies"?
 
apaul
apaul
Hmm... The 'free speech' xkcd is very often useful.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@M.A.R.ಠ_ಠ

A good afternoon
I hope all is well with you
I'm feeling better
 
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
2:36 PM
@apaul yeah, and never gets old, because it's not meant to be primarily funny
 
Sid
Sid
@RichardU Are you into haikus, recently?
 
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
@RichardU 9/10
 
apaul
apaul
@M.A.R.ಠ_ಠ That's about the size of it.
 
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
That coming from someone who can't write one
 
Richard U
Richard U
@Sid

I have written them
For some four decades now
They entertain me
 
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
2:37 PM
Plus, the people that get the free speech things wrong are usually pretty annoying here
 
Richard U
Richard U
@M.A.R.ಠ_ಠ

Free speech does not mean
you use the heckler's veto
Few understand that
 
Loki
Loki
I always read Haiku's three times slower than just phrases.
 
Richard U
Richard U
I find that Haiku
causes my thoughts to focus
Into purest forms
 
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
@Loki Freeee speeeeeeech DOES NOT MEEEEAN . . .
 
apaul
apaul
@RichardU Free speech does not mean freedom from the consequences of speech, even fewer understand that.
 
Loki
Loki
2:42 PM
@M.A.R.ಠ_ಠ :D
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
I go away long enough for a scrum meeting and come back to all these Haikus. I can't leave you people alone...
 
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
It makes him sound like King @Richard
 
Loki
Loki
@apaul By that sense, we all have free speech.
It's like these peoples who that complain that people get angry when they are being "honest"
 
apaul
apaul
Or those that claim opinion to be facts of human nature...
 
sphennings
sphennings
@Loki Free speech is a legal concept. Anyone who takes it as license to say whatever they want whenever they want is going to be sorely disappointed.
 
Richard U
Richard U
2:45 PM
@apaul

Should consequences
Include beating those who offend us
What then, should they be?
 
Extroverted Main Man
Extroverted Main Man
1
Q: How do I respond to someone apologizing for coughing/yawning?

Lord FarquaadMany times I'll be talking to someone and they'll yawn or cough (or something similar), then say "excuse me", or "sorry". I have no idea what type of response to give to this. If they'd sneezed, then that's no problem; I'd just say "bless you", and life goes on. However, as far as I know, there...

conversations etiquette
 
apaul
apaul
 
Richard U
Richard U
@Loki

Or people who think
That offense equals virtue
and run from the truth
 
sphennings
sphennings
@apaul If there was ever an internet forum drinking game, that would definitely be a shot.
It's borderline overused.
 
Loki
Loki
Wouldn't it be nice if we were all nice ?
 
apaul
apaul
2:48 PM
@RichardU I was thinking about that the other night... What would you call the opposite of virtue signaling?
 
Em C
Em C
@apaul the alt-text on that it pretty great, too
 
apaul
apaul
"Vice signaling" didn't seem to convey the meaning...
 
Em C
Em C
@Loki one of my favorite internet videos is a crow bopping around to that song :) youtube.com/watch?v=UrnR6GDNE_w
 
Loki
Loki
Fun fact : My dad has a pet crow.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@apaul (stepping out of haiku for a moment) Virtue signaling is it's own opposite, as it isn't restricted to anything specific. Someone declaring that XYZ is terrible and that someone should be silenced for it is virtue signaling, as is someone proclaiming that they are fighting for free speech by being as obnoxious as possible.
Because if someone were signaling that they weren't virtue signaling, then they'd still be virtue signaling as they were signaling their virtue of not signaling their virtue
 
Em C
Em C
2:51 PM
@Loki wait.. are you serious or is this a joke related to your username
 
Richard U
Richard U
Or, virtue signaling is the vice of proclaiming a popular, public opinion and condemning those who disagree.
 
apaul
apaul
Cause it's simply impossible that they could be taking a stand that you happen to disagree with.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@EmC isn't Raven the NA trickster god, along with Oktomi and Ma'ii?
 
sphennings
sphennings
@apaul It's still signaling in-group membership.
 
Loki
Loki
@EmC We can't really call him "Pet" since he pretty much does what he wants but yeah it's real. He chill out on his shoulder from time to times
 
Richard U
Richard U
2:52 PM
@sphennings thanks for summing that up.
 
Em C
Em C
@RichardU ah, I was thinking of en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Huginn_and_Muninn
 
Richard U
Richard U
best definition I have heard yet
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU Treating all trickster gods as part of a collective group is somewhat reductive.
 
Em C
Em C
@Loki that's awesome :D
 
Loki
Loki
We need to make buttons "Trickster god of chaos and entropy have feelings too."
 
sphennings
sphennings
2:54 PM
@RichardU Though the term "virtue signaling" is often used derisively challenge the motives of people on the left.
 
apaul
apaul
@sphennings Playing both sides doesn't really give the impression of peace keeping.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings yes, but it essentially means the same as "self righteous" which is often used to challenge the motives of the right. Both terms mean the same thing.
@apaul sometimes both sides have a point, though.
and sometimes both sides are wrong.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@apaul I didn't realize I needed to keep the peace here yet.
 
apaul
apaul
@RichardU Sometimes, but rarely.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@apaul I'd say the vast majority of the time. Both sides are often wrong as well.
 
Loki
Loki
2:56 PM
I love US politics. It's fun to watch, knowing it won't really affect me much. (Unless they start to poke at our banks, then I'm sweating)
 
sphennings
sphennings
I'd rather let conversations play out a bit before stepping in. Especially since both of you are active on this site. I know that both of you can have productive conversations.
 
Richard U
Richard U
Take for example, how both sides treat people with low IQ (under 85)
The left thinks everyone can be trained to work, the right thinks you should just buck up and do it.
Both are wrong, and as more jobs are automated, this will come to a head and I don't like either approach.
 
apaul
apaul
The reason that I was thinking about the subject, is that I've been running into a lot of "my right to be an a** is more important than anyone's oppression"
 
Richard U
Richard U
@Loki US politics has devolved into a sporting events with it's participants less well behaved than UK football fans when their teams are on losing streaks.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU I'm adverse to the idea that either the left or the right are ideologically homogeneous, but you make some good points about flaws two common ideas that are found in those groups.
 
Richard U
Richard U
3:00 PM
@sphennings oh, they're not ideologically homogeneous at all, but they are complimentary when engaged in reasoned debate. When not, they are both tyrannical.
@sphennings the ideal approach to talking to someone is to start with the assumption that they know something that you don't, and then LISTEN never dismiss anything out of hand.
that is the most dangerous thing you can do.
 
apaul
apaul
And claiming that something is "virtue signaling" isn't dismissive how?
 
sphennings
sphennings
You're still treating the left and right as distinct groups. They aren't. Big business conservatives, the Christian right, and for lack of a better term the alt right all have very different ideologies.
To equate everyone on the right with the actions of one group is reductive and dismissive.
@RichardU It's the same on the left.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings Of course it's reductive. Only when you reduced things to their elements can you view them.
 
apaul
apaul
@sphennings Yet they all seem to have the common goal of being kinda crappy to folks like me... (With the rare exception of certain business interests)
 
sphennings
sphennings
@apaul I'm sure there are leftists that are crappy to you too.
 
Richard U
Richard U
3:05 PM
When you look at a gray-scale picture in a newspaper, you'll see that it isn't gray at all, just interspersions of black dots on a white field.
@apaul yes. I've been to their meetings. They hate everybody.
 
apaul
apaul
@sphennings Usually not in the sense of wanting to deny me basic rights.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU People can be too reductive. I didn't mean to sidetrack the conversation into a conversation about the merits of reducing complexity of a statement. I felt you made a good point but wanted to "stick a pin" in some of the language you used to make it.
@apaul I don't doubt it.
The point I'm trying to make is that as soon as you frame it as left vs right, you've killed room for a lot of nuance. You've also ignored a lot of differing opinions on both sides.
 
apaul
apaul
I'm not a fan of the binary political split either, most things are more realistically a spectrum. But I don't have a problem with pointing out that the "right" seemed to be fine with using the oppression of folks like me to solidify their base with a "moral crusade"
 
Loki
Loki
What country do you feel like "works" on a political level ?
 
sphennings
sphennings
@Loki Define "work"?
 
Sid
Sid
3:13 PM
@apaul you wouldn't like multi-party system in a democracy either.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@apaul Did you watch that Youtube series I linked you too a while back?
 
apaul
apaul
It's painfully reductive to see people vote against their own economic interest simply to try to make sure that folks like me couldn't get married, or serve in the military. Hell, they were more concerned with where my partner takes a piss than funding education or roads.
@sphennings Yup. Very depressing.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@apaul Are you sure that's why their voting the way that they are?
@apaul They released a new episode recently about co-opting language.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@apaul I dunno, the right seem to love Milo Yianopolous, and Trump just made a gay man ambassador to Germany.
 
apaul
apaul
@sphennings Often looks that way.
 
Loki
Loki
3:17 PM
@apaul I think politics like to talk about "controversial" subjects to the public so that they can continue to run their little buisness while people talk about these subjects but this may be a bit of a conspiracy theory.
 
apaul
apaul
@RichardU I can still be fired simply for being out. We've been reduced to having to argue that it hurts business in our state...
 
Richard U
Richard U
@apaul you're talking about family and friends of mine now, and quite frankly, they didn't give a damn about me, and they don't give a damn about you either. by that I mean it doesn't come into anyone's thought process except for a few windbags
 
sphennings
sphennings
@apaul I know the feeling. Though Anchorage Alaska was just the first city to reject a bathroom bill on a ballot imitative.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@apaul if you're ever fired for being out, let me know, I'll want to visit you at your mansion.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU Gender identity isn't a protected class at the federal level.
 
Richard U
Richard U
3:18 PM
@sphennings as a father of two girls, I don't want anything with a penis going anyhere near my girls.
 
apaul
apaul
@RichardU It's legal where I live. That's the point.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU I'm not sure how that follows.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@apau It's legal for me to run down the streets of harlem dropping the "N" bomb. doesn't mean it's going to happen.
@apaul it's also illegal to fire someone for having MS. So my friend was not fired for having MS. They just build a file on him documenting every minor infraction.
 
sphennings
sphennings
Putting on my Room Owner hat We're entering very sensitive territory. I'm going to let this continue but don't let things get out of hand.
 
apaul
apaul
So the system didn't work for your friend, so it shouldn't be improved for anyone?
 
Loki
Loki
3:21 PM
In Switzerland, you can fire anyone you want, for any reason you want, but you ought to give him significant notice (about 3 months usually)I
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings we are being nice.
@apaul I'm saying that relying on systems is going to disappoint you greatly.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU You are doing a great job so far keep it up.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings I always do a great job. It's in my contract. Right next to the line requiring bottled water
 
user15026
I am kinda frustrated that all the answers to my question tell me to ignore the people, when I state I already am.
 
apaul
apaul
@RichardU That's unfortunately true. But still not the point.
 
sphennings
sphennings
3:23 PM
@RichardU This would be one of those times where levity might be misplaced.
@Ash That sounds frustrating.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@apaul yes, it is the point because politics is always downstream of culture.
@Ash just ignore those answers /:
 
Loki
Loki
@Ash Yeah. I had my idea about that question but that wasnt very interpersonal
 
apaul
apaul
@RichardU Mkay, seems like a sidestep.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings this is where humor breaks the tension.
 
Loki
Loki
I hope someone find a good answer
 
user15026
3:24 PM
@sphennings it is. I understand there might not be a good solution, but people repeating stuff I have basically ally already said in the question doesn't help.
 
user15026
@RichardU I am using my down vote powers!
 
Loki
Loki
By the power of the downvote, you wield the task of quality control !
 
sphennings
sphennings
@Ash Honestly there's not a lot you can do. You've already done the polite thing. You've clearly indicated that you're not interested in them, that you're unavailable. They are choosing to ignore the signals you are sending out.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@apaul I grew up getting my ass kicked on a daily basis for being "gay" at the ripe old age of 9. I used to go by Ricky, but when that was changed to "Rick-GAY", I started using Richard. You are not dealing with an unsympathetic audience here.
 
user15026
@sphennings I know, but in that case, repeating what I have already stated I do isn't helpful either.
 
Richard U
Richard U
3:27 PM
@apaul That said, the culture changed. You cannot legislate morality. The gay community did far more to stop everything just be engaging people. Obama and Hillary were against gay marriage until the winds changed.
Change the culture and you don't need laws.
Change the laws without changing the cultures and people will circumvent them
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU Because I've spoken to you a lot I understood what you were trying to do with that comment. My initial interpretation of it was that it was a rather flippant response.
 
apaul
apaul
Changing the law has a way of nudging the culture. Doesn't always work, but it sometimes changes people's perception of an issue.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings my sense of humor is why I haven't slashed my own wrists yet.
@apaul no, you get pushback. Look at what happened to the employment rate of people with disabilities since the ADA was passed.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU Just remember that what you intend to communicate may not be what others receive.
 
doppelgreener
doppelgreener
@SQB thanks :)
 
apaul
apaul
3:33 PM
@RichardU Oddly enough, part of the reason it's been difficult to get discrimination protection for LGBT+ folks where I live is that an awful lot of people assumed we already have it.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@Ash You can try to escalate the situation. Loudly admonish the guy "Look I've told you countless times now, I don't want to talk to you! Now would you kindly fuck off!". Make a scene of it, try to get the rest of the bus to also exert social pressure on the guy to stop. Unfortunately guys like that can sometimes respond aggressively when called out like that.
 
apaul
apaul
As in they thought that sexual orientation was already covered, when it isn't. A pretty clear case of the law lagging behind the culture.
 
sphennings
sphennings
You can try to report the incident to the transit authorities. I know that in my city they have been doing a campaign trying to encourage people to contact them when witnessing harassment.
 
apaul
apaul
Tasers work well too.
 
user15026
@sphennings its the aggression I worry about
 
sphennings
sphennings
3:36 PM
@Ash That's very understandable. You're already dealing with someone who is flaunting social rules.
Perhaps approach more sympathetic passengers "Hey this guy is bothering me, and won't leave me alone. Can I sit with you?"
 
Catija
Catija
@sphennings That is what Gnasher's answer already suggests... but it also suggests actually hitting someone.
@Ash Just tell them how much you can push. :P
 
user15026
@sphennings as long as they don't have me trapped that might help
 
user15026
@Catija 525 lb now!
 
Catija
Catija
WHOO!!!
 
sphennings
sphennings
@Ash Damn. That's awesome!
 
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
3:39 PM
Whoa
 
Catija
Catija
But, also "hit them with your handbag" made me laugh...
 
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ
This mod stuff is probably a good body builder
 
user15026
@sphennings thanks :)
 
sphennings
sphennings
Do you compete at all?
 
user15026
Oh no, I'm just a wee baby when it comes to being able to compete, and sled push isn't generally a competition thing usually. My deadlift is only 175, I don't do bar squats yet, and my bench is only 75 lbs - most of my power is in my lower half, not my arms :p
 
sphennings
sphennings
3:43 PM
That's still better than me.
 
user15026
I have fun with my strength training
 
user15026
I like being big and strong
 
sphennings
sphennings
It's a nice feeling. It's one of the things I miss about land surveying now that I work in tech.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings I am always aware that people will not take things as intended, and in some cases deliberately so.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU Effective communication requires two people. All you can control is your portion of it. Sometimes statements you make come off as dismissive or as if they are absolving yourself of responsibility. I think if you kept this in mind you could be more effective in your communication.
It's like playing blackjack. There is no way (without cheating) to win every hand, but there are things that you can do to increase the chances of you winning more hands in the long run.
I know I often come across as more judgmental than I intend to. When this happens I try to figure out how the where the breakdown in communication came from and whether it's something that could have been avoided if I acted on the information I had differently. I also consider whether there are things I can do in the future when communicating with the same individual based on the new information I have.
 
Extroverted Main Man
Extroverted Main Man
4:11 PM
1
Q: How to start/keep conversations in professional conferences?

AntonioI am a Ph.D. candidate in the USA, and almost every three/four months, I go to different conferences. I have found it really hard sometimes to start, and more importantly, to KEEP conversations with people, especially those that I know from before: because I know who they are and what they do and...

conversations united-states
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
4:45 PM
What's the appropriate flag for an answer recommending violent self-defense?
Is it R/A?
 
ArtOfCode
ArtOfCode
unlikely
 
Em C
Em C
custom flag? I'm not sure
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
The answer in question is advocating shooting someone. This meta suggests that such an answer would be abusive
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@Rainbacon Err... If it isn't backed up properly, it's more likely NAA or something. If it clearly explains why there's no other solution (assuming the question rules out violence)... Not much you can do but downvote and maybe leave a comment asking for clarification (What makes them think it won't put the asker in harm's way? Why is this the only option?)
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
@Tinkeringbell Well, it is a one liner... :p
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
4:49 PM
Just custom flag it if not sure ;)
@Rainbacon I'd leave a comment asking for more explanation and a back up.... And flag it for the low quality posts queue
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
I went with R/A based on the meta I linked
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@Rainbacon not too wrong either I guess, we'll figure it out ;)
The answer discussed there was fun... It talks about mace (pepperspray). But I thought medieval weapon when I first saw it XD
 
Cascabel
Cascabel
Advocating violence seems like definitely r/a to me. That policy covers people who aren't on the site. Insulting people violates it. Violence is no less hostile.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@Cascabel Hmmm. We may have to revisit that meta then. Monica's answer on the mace was that it was bad, not necessarily r/a. Although I can see how shooting is one step over mace?
 
Catija
Catija
@Rainbacon Is there a reason you're not linking to it?
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
4:56 PM
I think, as discussed in that meta, that a certain level of force could be ok to suggest, provided it is very specifically targeted to a situation where getting physically aggressive might be necessary. But suggesting that someone shoot a trespasser is a dangerous suggestion to make, particularly when there is no cultural information to indicate if it might be legal in that area
 
Cascabel
Cascabel
I missed that it was self defense initially. Still... the situations in which lethal force is justifiable are well beyond IPS scope, no?
 
user15026
Yeah, let's not get into the legal tangles here.....
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
@Catija Here is a link to it
 
user15026
That's legally messy, and giving strangers random advice in that regard is just going to open up to a whole host of problems
 
Em C
Em C
the answer discussed in the meta post @Rainbacon linked was deleted by Shog and is marked R/A... which I think is a pretty good indicator that this one shouldn't be ok either
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
4:58 PM
Also, I don't see where shooting someone counts as IPS
 
Em C
Em C
interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/783/3171 for people who can see it. it's really the same deal: one-liner advocating violence
 
Cascabel
Cascabel
I'm sure we can construct some hypothetical situation where it's reasonable to suggest shooting. That question most certainly isn't, we don't need to lose any sleep over calling it abusive, and in general I doubt that it'll ever be a reasonable answer to an on topic IPS question.
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
You could make the argument that aggression could be an interpersonal skill, but I think that it would be more along the lines of an aggressive tone in your voice
 
Catija
Catija
@EmC But deleted, not flag deleted.
 
Cascabel
Cascabel
We don't necessarily have to enshrine it in policy, but that example most definitely looks absusive to me.
 
Em C
Em C
5:00 PM
@Catija well, the most significant part seems to be the fact that a CM had to come in and say "yeah, that's not OK"
 
Catija
Catija
@EmC They were the only mods at the time. We were appointed in August.
 
Extroverted Main Man
Extroverted Main Man
0
Q: How can I make it clear that I do not mind doing the other thing after a discussion?

J. Van HalmWhen making last minute plans with my SO or friend(s) we cant choose on what tot do. we all have our own preferences and discuss the advantages and disadvantages. I am a bit hard of natures and sometimes it seems like I do not want to do the one thing while this is not the case. for example: I ...

relationships
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@Catija This goes one step further than mace though, and I think is definitely abusive?
 
Catija
Catija
Yeah, I'm not arguing against flag deleting it.
 
Cascabel
Cascabel
"They should potentially die if they do that again" is not even close to respectful, not even in a context where the OP has been wronged in that sort of way.
 
Em C
Em C
5:02 PM
@Catija ah. I didn't know that
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@Catija Great, because I just did :)
 
Cascabel
Cascabel
Thanks y'all!
 
Richard U
Richard U
5:25 PM
@Rainbacon aggression is a vice, assertiveness is a social skill.
..........................................

This room has died down
Time for a little haiku
to fill the dead space
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU One thing I wish there was more questions about on IPS is questions asking when and how to effectively, violate the convention of politeness.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings LOL, now THAT is one I could answer. I'm very good at it.
I would imagine the most appropriate time would be when dealing with potential danger or a person unreasonable beyond belief.
but then again, I've shamed people into behaving by being polite, so there is that.
 
sphennings
sphennings
Not "How do I be rude?" but "How do I use rudeness to strategically communicate, a point without escalating things?"
 
Em C
Em C
those questions are fun :D
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings well, sometimes intimidation calms things down. As I said, I'm very good at it.
 
Em C
Em C
5:40 PM
I mean, probably not for the OP, but it's nice to free yourself from the shackles of polite society once in a while
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU I would put intimidation in a different category than rudeness. Personally I haven't found intimidation to be very effective, especially if you're not wanting to escalate things.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@EmC you don't have to venture too far. Often the DEATH GLARE is enough
@sphennings I've found it effective on more than one situation, especially if someone is spoiling for a fight. You make them understand it is not worth it.
 
Em C
Em C
@RichardU oh no, I'm not getting sucked into tvtropes today :P
 
Richard U
Richard U
Pull yourself up to full height, square yourself, and glare.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU That's only good if you can back it up.
 
Richard U
Richard U
5:44 PM
@sphennings not really, a friend of mine, 100lbs soaking wet, scared off two guys who were threatening her.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU Of course they have a trope about that.
 
Em C
Em C
@sphennings lol now I'm imagining the situation - person: death glares you: Hey! Thanks for the answer! Do you have personal experiences or references?
 
Richard U
Richard U
they could have mopped the floor with her, but she intimidated them.
@sphennings in my case, I can back it up, but then again I don't care if I live or die, so there is that.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU I've been lucky that most of the situations I've been could be resolved by deescalation.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings when you're outnumbered 3 to 1 the only de-escalation is letting them know that you'll make it a very costly outcome.
Happened to me.
When predators detect zero fear, they look elsewhere
 
sphennings
sphennings
5:47 PM
@RichardU I'm not saying that it isn't an option. I'm just saying that if you need to resort to threats of violence, or intimidation, things have gone wrong.
@EmC That's a hilarious image.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings True, because there are some very bad people out there who aren't swayed by puppies and rainbows
@sphennings actually, the most intimidating thing you can do is remain calm.
 
sphennings
sphennings
Sometimes yes.
Remaining calm is always a good idea.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings when I had this idiot screaming at me at the top of his lungs, and in my face, I stood very relaxed and spoke calmly. It is a VERY intimidating thing to do. It is an extreme exercise in dominance.
It sends the message "I am so strong that you do not threaten me in the least"
 
Sid
Sid
@RichardU it gets those people to freak out, actually.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@Sid in fear, yes. It creates feedback that alerts the lizard brain that there is a huge threat.
 
sphennings
sphennings
5:52 PM
I don't know whether it's luck, or circumstance but I haven't needed to resort to violence since I was on the playground in elementary school. I've had a few close calls but that's it.
 
IPS Comment Bot
IPS Comment Bot
Ask your sistem whether she knows the amount of savings of your grandma. Maybe she knows and you don't know how much they are. And if the answer is not good - tell her to stop begging money at every visit. — i486 8 secs ago
#3086 i486 (101 rep) | Q: How should I handle disagreeing with my sisters cash cow milking? (score: 6) | posted 245 days ago by Jane Doe (34 rep) | edited 244 days ago by Tinkeringbell (17519 rep)
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings I've only had to resort to violence once, but that was with a drunk who attacked me.
In a LIBRARY no less.
@sphennings I really need to write that book about my life. It has not been boring.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU It really depends on the person. Some people don't want to be perceived as weak so threatening them and expecting them to back down can backfire since if they do they're loosing face.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings that's why I use the techniques I use. My posture is never aggressive, and they don't lose face because I am not humiliating them.
@sphennings yelling louder than them or making threats would be accepting the challenge, I simply decline without backing down.
 
Sid
Sid
I haven't had to resort to fights in my life so far. I am lucky.
 
Richard U
Richard U
5:55 PM
@Sid I don't see that as lucky. What happens If you need to?
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU I don't doubt it.
 
Mithrandir24601
Mithrandir24601
Someone decided to attack me with a bamboo stick once. At the time, it was a bit of an inconvenience, but in hindsight, it was quite funny actually
 
Sid
Sid
@RichardU Well, I get beaten up or I am the one doing the beating. A Zero-Sum game, basically.
 
Mithrandir24601
Mithrandir24601
(or, it was something vaguely similar to a bamboo stick)
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU That's like saying "I don't see that as lucky that you've never been in a car crash, what happens if you get in one?"
 
Richard U
Richard U
5:57 PM
@Sid I see being the one doing the beating as being a loss
 
sphennings
sphennings
There are things you can do to prepare for a fight without being in one.
 
Richard U
Richard U
@sphennings I think that's a bit of hyperbole.
@sphennings if anyone ever attacked one of my daughters, I would not try to avoid a fight, jail maybe, but not a fight.
 
sphennings
sphennings
@RichardU Sure. But do you get the point I'm making hyperbolically?
 
Richard U
Richard U
nope
there is no need to be in a crash, there are needs to fight
 
user15026
So far, I've never needed to learn to fight.
 
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