The Awkward Silence

12:32 AM

You never met her, and now you're stalking her online? Your recourse is to seek professional help. Seriously - that is just weird, and if you don't see that, you need to get some help. — Vector 2 mins ago

#11375 Vector (146 rep) | Q: Making up to a old friend I've abused? (score: -6) | posted 22 hours ago by Cole Mundus (1 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]

Extroverted Main Man

12:43 AM

0

Q: If I want a child to stop a behavior, should I talk directly to the child or to the parents?

Consider a case where a young child is doing something that directly impacts me, and most everyone would consider it reasonable to want them to stop. Here are a few real examples of things they've done in the past: * Pawing through my purse * Repeatedly and loudly talking in a theatre * Kicking t...

SmokeDetector

2:15 AM

[ SmokeDetector | MS ] Offensive title detected: How do I fuck the Instapussy? by Ash Ton on interpersonal.SE (@Tinkeringbell)

Extroverted Main Man

2:25 AM

0

Q: Should I talk to my friend because got feeling to her?

I'm working as a designer more than a year in a enterprise, In the first days, I met a girl in my area, we became friends in the next weeks, we shared some funny momments and we got some confidence, but also we stopped to talk for weeks despite of she has tried to talk me(After a time it was hea...

work-environment coworkers

user15026

@ExtrovertedMainMan I strongly dislike that whole "if you don't date me we can't be friends" assumption that people seem to make a lot when they develop feelings for someone

sphennings

@Ash Same.

user15026

Like...feelings happen! If I stopped being friends with everyone I had some sort of romantic inclination towards at some point or another, however brief...I'd not have a lot of friends left. (I'm one of those people who finds lots of reasons to love lots of people)

sphennings

I think part of the problem is that most people go about telling someone that they have feelings the same way a cat leaves a dead animal at their owner's feet.

user15026

I BROUGHT YOU THIS THING YOU DID NOT WANT AND DID NOT ASK FOR AND IS KINDA HORRFYING. Loooooove me.

sphennings

2:32 AM

"Guess what?! Here's a mess I made that you have to deal with! Don't you like it?"

I think that asking out friends is a pretty good "dating strategy" if you're not disrupting the friendship to make it happen.

"Do you want to go on a date?" should be framed and asked the same way as "Want to hang out after work on Thursday?"

A very low key ask where there's no repercussion for saying no.

user15026

Yeah, but it never goes that way, it seems

user15026

Someone always builds it up in their head and then you get demonized for saying no and it's all stupid

sphennings

I've seen it work.

Both my relationships started as friendships.

user15026

That's how my husband and I started. Most of my good relationships started that way.

sphennings

I think part of the problem is this idea that crushes are somehow special.

user15026

2:40 AM

They get this weird sort of like...reverence that I have never quite understood

user15026

and people take them wayyyyyyy too seriously

sphennings

There's a place for holding certain feelings in reverence, but it's not the feelings you have for a friend who you have a crush on.

Also shouldn't you have feelings for your friends?

Extroverted Main Man

3:34 AM

0

Q: How do you negotiate with your SO the amount of time spent together?

I am currently in a relationship where I don't feel the need to spend time with my significant other as much as they need to. I am okay with just seeing them once a week/two weeks. But, they believe that being in a relationship means that you prioritize the other person and wants to see me at lea...

united-states relationships

apaul

3:55 AM

I suspect the trouble comes from people waiting far too long, due to the fear of rejection... What starts as simple attraction builds into obsession before they bother to address it honestly. Byproduct of poor love mythos and low self esteem.

The mythologies about love that we grow up with are a huge contributing factor. For every romantic comedy there's probably a few dozen restraining orders...

Catija

This just got reopened... I'm really not sure why... anyone?

3

Q: Accused of Racism at Work

In February last year I started a new job. I started the same day and in the same position as another person we'll call Ed. Our offices are across the hall from one another. I'm a white woman, he's a black male. We work in a large office that is Vietnamese owned. It's a melting pot, but most...

work-environment coworkers prejudice

apaul

@Catija Not my circus, not my monkeys.

sphennings

No clue. It's still very broad.

Catija

It's asking like... four different questions.

ArtOfCode

@Catija well it's got a close vote again now

Catija

4:10 AM

:D

sphennings

I've added a comment explaining how it's still too broad.

apaul

It already had one of the best comments I've seen on the site so far.

Catija

Oh?

apaul

We certainly are a bit of a subjective site, @Stacy, but we do have to draw the line somewhere. We deal with a variety of interpersonal problems, but in the end, they should all be more like "How should I do [X]?" rather than "Should I do [X] (or Y)?". It doesn't really take interpersonal skills to make a judgement like this; it does take interpersonal skills to navigate a social encounter after picking a course of action. If you're able to edit this to the point where you're asking how to implement a specific course of action, then it would be a better fit for the site. — HDE 226868 ♦ yesterday

Catija

Yeah.

sphennings

4:12 AM

@apaul That's a good summary of the nature of the site.

@apaul Want to cast a close vote too?

@Catija Can mods "vote" to close questions more than once?

Catija

@sphennings Yeah. Sure. But it looks really bad if we do it multiple times and the users keep reopening it.

sphennings

@Catija That's a fair point.

apaul

Thought I vtc-ed that on round one, but I guess not.

Catija

Nope, I closed that one unilaterally.

sphennings

There are still optics to consider to adding your vote to three other users. But it's better optics than re-closing it on your own.

apaul

4:20 AM

@Catija Could always do it again... ;)

Catija

It particularly looks bad when I came in here looking for votes...

:P

@apaul I could. And I'd be well able to explain the reasoning... but... it takes a village?

apaul

Since when do I care about looking bad lol

Catija

No, it looks bad for me :P

apaul

@Catija Should probably care less, it's incredibly freeing.

Catija

Have you seen me in here much recently?

sphennings

4:23 AM

@Catija I was thinking the same thing before you posted.

apaul

Nope. Shog seemed to say that you were taking a needed break.

Catija

I've been feeling like shit the last couple of weeks and handling flags is about all I can manage, when I manage that.

apaul

Sick or sick and tired? Both? Probably both.

Catija

Lots of tired... going to bed much earlier than usual... sometimes as early as 9:30... stomach's been in knots for weeks... constantly. Not nausea... just funky.

You know the bubbles going up the sides of a glass of Guinness? My stomach feels like that... most of the time.

sphennings

@Catija Lots of sympathy. It's not like modding this site has been easy to do this past week.

Catija

4:28 AM

Thanks. :) Hopefully it will pass.

apaul

Been to a doc, or just riding it out?

Catija

I haven't yet.

Sometimes I get iron deficiencies... which can explain the tiredness... sometimes.

apaul

Stress will f with your stomach. Hope you feel better soon.

Catija

:) Thanks. Me too... speaking of sleeping... I should go do that. Night! Or morning :P

apaul

Night

user15026

4:43 AM

@Catija Oh that sounds unpleasant, hopefully your body is kinder to you soon!

aparente001

4:56 AM

@sphennings - any guidance or editing or restructuring you have for me would be very welcome. I agonize so much over those emails I don't think I can stomach agonizing over the text of the question about that problem.

sphennings

Honestly a lot of what you need to do to write a good question and write a good email is going to be exactly the same.

In your words, what is the one sentence summary of your question?

SmokeDetector

[ SmokeDetector | MS ] Manually reported question: How to know if your partner is cheating on you? by Jessica A Politron on interpersonal.SE (@Tinkeringbell)

Gypsy Spellweaver

Ok, this is a weird on. My close vote queue has a question from Oct that's been answered, and even bountied. Is it normal to review such questions for closing a season or two after the fact?

sphennings

@GypsySpellweaver What's the question?

Gypsy Spellweaver

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/review/close/7988

sphennings

5:05 AM

Looks to me like it's about an intrapersonal skill not an interpersonal skill.

I'd vote to close it.

The general stack exchange wide policy is to close questions that would be closed if the current rules were applied to them.

37

A: Should I vote to close old questions?

View all question with today's standards. If the question fits as per current standards then leave it open; if it doesn't fit then vote/flag to close it. If we keep the questions which don't fit as per current standards, then people will ask why the questions are still open.

Gypsy Spellweaver

It's flagged as too broad. Relative to that, it seems narrow enough. Off topic? probably. I was just more curious about the delay. Four-and-half months later it gets a review?

@sphennings Sensable

sphennings

All it takes is a new flag or vote for it to be re-entered into the queue again.

Gypsy Spellweaver

Are we using "too broad" for questions that need and don't have cultural context? Cases where social standards vary widely and know the OP's is important?

Seems the proper choice, but not sure.

apaul

@GypsySpellweaver Close it.

Gypsy Spellweaver

Already did that one. Different review for the cultural context issue.

sphennings

5:15 AM

@apaul Respect, for approving the closing of your old question.

Gypsy Spellweaver

This Q does need to provide a context. Commenter have asked for it, but it's not there yet.

sphennings

@GypsySpellweaver Then close it.

apaul

It seemed worthwhile at the time, but it's pretty broad. Part of the reason that it's easier to ask about interpersonal problems, rather than interpersonal skills.

Gypsy Spellweaver

Yes. but as what "too broad"

sphennings

@apaul Learning to choose your battles is a very important life lesson.

apaul

5:19 AM

@sphennings It absolutely is, but these things make for rough se questions.

sphennings

True.

@GypsySpellweaver Too broad.

Gypsy Spellweaver

Thanks

Avantgarde

:D

apaul

Hey, look at that, I can vtc my own questions.

Gypsy Spellweaver

@apaul Just don't delete them. Not at this late date.

SmokeDetector

5:26 AM

[ SmokeDetector | MS ] Bad keyword in answer, blacklisted website in answer, pattern-matching website in answer: How to handle leadership saying, "we have been over this" by juliejohnson on interpersonal.SE (@Tinkeringbell)

apaul

@SmokeDetector That's some lazy spam right there.

Gypsy Spellweaver

I like having Smokey in the room. :D

I'm guessing that the (@...) shows how made the connection.

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