The Awkward Silence

2:02 PM

@Peter Oh sure... I think it'll work, given the context @LinuxBlanket already provided. But without that, it would be pretty broad

Peter

yep context is important, I have some quite general questions in mind which I'm still refining before I can ask them.

one is: "What are characteristics of a healthy releationship?" however this will only generate discussion, it is more that I know what to look for etc (which makes it non specific)

Cashbee

yeah the problem is that it is way too opinion based. there are many different types of healthy relationships, depending on the types of persons the 2 people are.

I think it would also be off topic, notsure though. brb, checking rules :)

Peter

yep, if I include how I'm and a possible partner are individual, it will probably still to wide right?

I always forget the page where the rules are

Cashbee

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/help/on-topic

Peter

nevermind found it XD

thanks :)

Tinkeringbell

2:13 PM

Both of you might also want to take a look at this: chat.stackexchange.com/rooms/61165/conversation/… ;)

IPS Comment Bot

If you base your case in you need a computer for games you probably will fail. So check internet for budget gamer builds and sell it as best bang for your buck. Somethinng like this pcgamer.com/pc-build-guide-budget-gaming-pc You can say will improve your ability to do homework and also will be able to play some games. Maybe not all the features or super smooth 4k but you need to know what battles you can win. — Juan Carlos Oropeza 45 secs ago

#11138 Juan Carlos Oropeza (163 rep) | Q: How do I ask my Dad to finance my computer? (score: 3) | posted 4 hours ago by Dub (21 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Community (1 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]

Peter

I think point 2 of that chat is where my question is :( it could still be usefull to have a question like that to just point everyone to who wants to know if a releationship is healthy

Tinkeringbell

@Peter Yeah but whether or not a relationship is healthy is not an Interpersonal Skill. Getting out of an unhealthy one might be, as well as trying to make a relationship more healthy

Peter

hmm yea true, just asking "How to start a healty relationship with a girl I fancy?" is probably also too broad

Tinkeringbell

But if you are going to ask anything about that, it's one of those trainwreck questions where people will start arguing endlessly whether or not it's toxic or not (that's what those rules were for)

@Peter We had some questions about asking a girl out, and there is advice on that. The times we didn't say 'don't' was when the asker could explain this was someone they knew for a longer period of time :)

Peter

2:22 PM

yea, if I'm going to ask that I need to be really carefull and specific (which is why I don't yet), everyone has their own experiences which define how people look at things.

This girl is someone I speak a lot and we are no strangers to eachother, so asking out won't be the biggest problem I think, I want to start a releationship in a healty way because I had some train wrecks in the past.

Tinkeringbell

@Peter Have you already done enough self-reflection to know what went wrong?

Peter

yes the key problem is that I tend to be overattatched(overdependend), which is something I recognized because of answers I received on questions I asked. This is a quite big personal thing for me at this moment, which I need to discuss with a future partner.

Tinkeringbell

@Peter Discussing that with a partner is a good thing to ask about :)

Sid

@Peter If you don't mind me asking, what exactly do you mean by "overattached"?

Peter

@Tinkeringbell that's a nice idea! I actually discussed it a bit, so then I'll include what I already discussed so I can improve on what to discuss about it better.

Tinkeringbell

2:29 PM

@Peter If you have a clear idea of what you want to convey (what do you want to reach?), we can help you on the how ;-)

LinuxBlanket

Ok, I posted my question

thanks @Tinkeringbell, @Cashbee and @Peter for helping me through it

I hope it's not off-topic/too broad as it is now

Tinkeringbell

@LinuxBlanket You're not there yet :P I have to read it first XD

LinuxBlanket

...and may the god of grammar have pity of me

@Tinkeringbell I think I am right now! I'm on the front page wheeeee

Peter

@Sid I don't mind, talking helps me sort my feelings. By overattatched I mean that I tend to take someones time more and more and that I actually can't detatch myself from it. the wiki of codependency actually tells it a bit more clear than I can (take the bullet points from symtoms and behaviors). en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency

@Tinkeringbell I'll write a nice question, probably gonna take a while though :)

@LinuxBlanket you're welcome, I'll read your question

@Sid the bullet points are ofcourse extremes, however a lot of things in codependency speak to me, which is quite hard to get rid off.

LinuxBlanket

@Peter I just read the bullet points you're talking about, and they speak to me a lot as well °°

food for thought, I guess

Peter

2:36 PM

@LinuxBlanket it was a big shock when I realised it, I actually had a really bad week when I started reading a book about it. I now stopped the book to sort out my feelings because its quite hard when you open a book and it tells you exactly what you think and feel and then says it is not healty behavior.

Sid

@Peter Understood. :-)

IPS Comment Bot

There isn't a one size fits all solution to responding to people when they are stressed. Some people want to be left alone, some want reassurance, some want distraction, etc... Besides too broad platitudes like "talk to your partner about their needs" there isn't a more specific way to answer this question as it is written. — sphennings 26 secs ago

#11154 sphennings (3794 rep) | Q: How can I stand by my SO when she stresses out in an aggressive way? (score: 1) | posted 9 minutes ago by LinuxBlanket (2717 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Sid

Huh... Why is there a comment bot here?

Cashbee

@IPSCommentBot what is possible-aic

sphennings

Possible answer in comment.

@Tinkeringbell What are you talking about?

;)

Tinkeringbell

2:40 PM

@sphennings I didn't do it!

Extroverted Main Man

2

Q: How can I stand by my SO when she stresses out in an aggressive way?

My girlfriend and I have polar ways of handling stress and conflict. I come from a very conflict-averse family: when one parent is angry for something (not necessarily for reasons related to the partner), the other one just takes a step back without intervening at all. At the other end of the s...

Sid

@LinuxBlanket I am probably not the best person to take advice from, but you probably need to change where you are living, especially if it is at least some stressful effect on your partner...

sphennings

@LinuxBlanket I think you need to talk to your partner about what their expectations are for you when they're stressed out.

Cashbee

@Sid he scans new comments for critical content, so the mods (or half-mods) can react to them quicker. Hm I think i misunderstood your question, did I? :)

sphennings

Make it an iterative process and try to refine your understanding of this with them over time. Don't shy away from calling out unreasonable expectations.

@Tinkeringbell Mind if we talk about this in chat?

Tinkeringbell

2:45 PM

@sphennings No, should have taken it there immediately ;)

chat.stackexchange.com/transcript/message/43119571#43119571 have a permalink :)

sphennings

That is a suspiciously vague statement.

Speak could mean, ask for a sandwich, offer to make a sandwich, talk about this weird childhood memory that popped back up into your head, offer reassurance, suggest that they suck it up, and probably some other things as well.

Tinkeringbell

What do you think of the question now?

LinuxBlanket

@sphennings the discussion arised when I told her that I shut up because I didn't know what to tell her

she answered that if I just shut up, the awkwardness of overcoming the silence is only on her

while if I speak I get my hands dirty

sphennings

@LinuxBlanket I really feel for you, I've had partners in the past that responded similarly to stress. It isn't fun.

LinuxBlanket

thank you @sphennings, it really isn't

Tinkeringbell

2:54 PM

@sphennings How did you handle it? ;) That would be an answer then :D

Magisch

I usually react by making fun of the stress

but that would probably not go well in this situation

in fact, it really really wouldn't

LinuxBlanket

but I think it's useful in the long run, I'm learning a lot about behaviour patterns which I wasn't and am not used to

Sid

@Magisch Yeah, no. Especially when the said person is too stressed due to the stress.

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell I still don't like the question, I think there's something good in it, but I don't know what needs to be done to bring that out.

LinuxBlanket

@Magisch I'd do it if I wasn't afraid of having my head bit off

Magisch

2:55 PM

I wonder how someone gets really stressed out on 2 hour workdays

maybe something else is going on that needs addressing

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings "Assuming I want to speak up and comfort her, what are the do's and dont's'?

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell We had a bunch of big fights and broke up poorly. While I learned a lot, most of that is more situational.

@Tinkeringbell I don't think there's a general list of do's and don't's.

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings There's a lot of resources on helping people with stress online.

sphennings

I don't think it's fair to be made responsible for the mental health of another.

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How to voice my concerns with a friend with mental health issues?

I'm looking for advice on how to deal with a complicated situation I'm going through. This is my last semester at college, and the only course I have left consists of developing a single, final project. Projects are either proposed by teachers, or by students themselves, in which case it needs to...

relationships mental-health coworkers

sphennings

2:59 PM

I have one partner who likes talking solutions when they are stressed, while for the other that's going to make things significantly worse.

JAD

3:36 PM

Such diversity of answers: stackoverflow.com/questions/23245569/…

Cashbee

funny how two of the 'identical' ones were posted in the same minute, but one has 14 times more upvotes than the other :)

Peter

finally made the question, probably needs some improvements, the beginning is there :)

Extroverted Main Man

3:53 PM

2

Q: How to discuss that I have codependent behavior?

Codependence I have codependent behavior, which means that I tend to get too attached to someone. The wiki article does a better job at explaining what it is: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency. I copied the important bullet points below: intense and unstable interpersonal relatio...

conversations relationships europe

Introverted Meta Man.

0

Q: Is Stack Exchange a site for adults to respectfully and civilly work together as adults and peers to answer questions?

I thought Stack Exchange was a place where the users have input into how things work and are well respected as equals and peers. I am asking this question so that we can know unequivocally if that is true or false, because many of us are getting tired of trying to figure this out. On the meta IP...

discussion

Cashbee

4:10 PM

what did I do wrong? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/11115/8077

Is my comment too harsh?

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee Lemme look ;)

Doesn't look like it in the first place...

Cashbee

@Tinkeringbell he just edited the answer btw

Tinkeringbell

@IntrovertedMetaMan. You have an answer :)

Yeah, I saw... it actually looks like the why/how is covered now, since it's from personal experience?

Peter

@sphennings I like it when you help me improve my question, however I included the list so you don't need to google it yourself (some people prefer this I heard). Do I need to narrow down the list, because I think it is quite important to the question

Tinkeringbell

@Catija Did not even know about that term. I understand what you are saying, but everything I say still stands. I don't care if he is the president; he is my equal, not my god. — Aaron 8 mins ago

HERESY! :P

sphennings

4:15 PM

@Peter I preserved your link. My answer would be the same for basically any mental illness, with the exception of the suggested statement.

Peter

@sphennings oh I see, didn't see the letters where blue. Yes I like your answer, because it gave me general direction of what to do :)

sphennings

@Peter Thanks I'm glad you like it. You can format links like that by [ blue text here ]( hyperlink )

That's the inline approach. You can also stuff the hyperlinks at the end of your post but that requires some extra formatting that I always forget.

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee, it might be nice to remove the comment once the answer is edited ;)

(if you're satisfied, that is)

Peter

@sphennings Nice, I'll look more into it and use it in the future

Cashbee

@Tinkeringbell yes I will, I'm writing a follow-up comment to thank him for his edit.

IPS Comment Bot

4:19 PM

Whatever you do, try not to present your "wants" as "needs". Your dad isn't going to be fooled into thinking you NEED to game. Attempting to do so will severely weaken your request. Just be honest. — Clay07g 1 min ago

#11138 Clay07g (1045 rep) | Q: How do I ask my Dad to finance my computer? (score: 2) | posted 6 hours ago by Dub (19 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by Community (1 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee Okidoki!

Peter

what are the three levels of meta? I don't get that reference

Tinkeringbell

@Peter I don't think I've seen it before, but let me take it to meta ;)

Cashbee

@Tinkeringbell to which level?

:D

Tinkeringbell

Site won't load, train wifi is too slow :(

meta.stackexchange.com, I was planning on seeing if it's mentioned there ;)

sphennings

4:30 PM

Someone posted a question to the main site. There was an argument in the comments about it (don't argue in the comments BTW). Mods deleted the comments. People went to our meta site to talk about the deletion. There was an argument in the comments (while it's more permissible to have a discussion on meta don't argue in the comments BTW). Mods deleted the comments.

Tinkeringbell

Nothing funny there, so I guess it's about what happened on the other meta question..

sphennings

Now there's a new meta post discussing the deletions of the comments from the meta post about the deletion of comments from a post to the main site.

Peter

oooh I see :)

Tinkeringbell

^ that's probably 3 levels yeah :P

sphennings

Personally the mods on this site seem very open to explaining things and listening to criticism, within reason.

Tinkeringbell

4:50 PM

@sphennings Yeah, I posted metas about flags getting declined and things being undeleted and they weren't shut down, so I don't see the point here...

Unless I'm somehow a moderator favorite

sphennings

Posting in meta isn't the problem.

Catija

When we accept the diamond, we're expected to use our power wisely and be able to explain the choices we make. It comes with the position. If we're not willing to explain, we're not good at what we do. We're not dictators. We're ... entrusted with great power that we can't use willy-nilly.

4

... eh... mediocre power, really.

3

;)

AbhigyanC

You mods have a lot of power. Don't downplay it

speaking of which, there have been sock puppets on this website

Cashbee

with mediocre power comes mediocre responsibility

Magisch

I can attest that every single time I've inquired about getting a declined flag anywhere on SE, it was eventually explained to me by the mod that did it

2

Even for really annoying flags like serial voting

Tinkeringbell

4:59 PM

@AbhigyanC Is that wrong?

ArtOfCode

@Tinkeringbell sockpuppet voting is, yeah

AbhigyanC

@Tinkeringbell There are sockpuppets

Catija

@AbhigyanC If you feel that there are users who are doing that sort of thing in a way that doesn't comply with the standards here, please feel free to flag them.

AbhigyanC

@Catija okay, but you can never be sure... isn't there supposed to be some "super amazing code" that does the exact thing?

Catija

@AbhigyanC We have some tools but calling it "super amazing code" is a bit of a stretch.

Tinkeringbell

5:03 PM

@ArtOfCode Yeah but I think I also know some socks that are created to keep the main account distant from the personal info provided here when asking, that's not necessarily wrong is it?

ArtOfCode

@Tinkeringbell not at all

Tinkeringbell

(Never done the sock puppet research yet, I'll look em up on meta)

ArtOfCode

Having multiple accounts is fine - I have about five - but you have to make sure you don't do anything you couldn't do with one account - including voting for yourself

AbhigyanC

I just read: meta.stackexchange.com/questions/57682/…

Is it allowed to check the consequences of personal talk and beliefs and stuff on voting, answering and general information gathering?

A J

@Magisch lucky guy.

ArtOfCode

5:10 PM

@AbhigyanC how do you mean?

Firework

lol

So many peopel are joining.

AbhigyanC

@ArtOfCode I'm Indian, so if I wanted to see how people would answer my questions if they thought I was Polish or Australian, and how they'd react to my answers too

IPS Comment Bot

Discreetly slipping her your phone number relieves any pressure on her to respond or interact with you. — John Peyton 24 secs ago

#11008 John Peyton (101 rep) | Q: How to ask cashier out for date (score: 94) | posted 55 hours ago by J. Doe (551 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Kidburla (395 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

ArtOfCode

@AbhigyanC shrug I guess you can do that if you want to... you're thinking multiple accounts with names that come from different ethnicities?

As long as they're not cross-voting, etc, that's fine

Firework

Wow..
An old high school friend of mine solved it in a manner that I highly discourage.[ 2 dead four wounded in workplace][1] Danny was neurotic, straight as far as I knew and this is an extreme example of what can happen when problems go unaddressed

LinuxBlanket

5:16 PM

@Cashbee this comment made me think of img0.joyreactor.com/pics/post/…

Tinkeringbell

@Firework Is that still up?

Or are you seeing ghosts?

Firework

its removed

i got dmed it on discord ;-;

lol. Why so rude?

sphennings

I didn't realize there was an IPS discord.

Tinkeringbell

Wasn't meant rude ;) was just worried something went wrong with deleting (seeing ghosts is sometimes said in reference to the privilege to see deleted posts ;))

Firework

nopr

nope*

Catija

5:21 PM

Can you please go to a sandbox if you want to test stuff?

Firework

where is a sand box

Catija

Sandbox

Where you can play with chat features (except flagging) and ch...

4

Firework

Little Tikes® Big Digger™ Sandbox

Catija

Can you please stop posting random, unrelated drek in here? It's disrupting the actual discussion.

2

Firework

Sorry. Wrong paste.

Tinkeringbell

5:33 PM

Sorry kids, playtime's over :

There's nothing confusing here. Projecting confusion onto others when they don't give you the response you want them to is weak sauce; for all your words, your intention is clear and you've received multiple responses now to confirm that. Now stop being rude to the folks who were willing to play your little game and go find something more productive to do. — Shog9 ♦ 3 mins ago

Back to being adults. Who wants coffee?

Peter

I actually prefer tea :) At what point is it smart to automatically move the discussion to chat? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/11165/… I want to keep this text, however I think it will be deleted if I don't move it.

comments on the question

ArtOfCode

Mods get an automatic flag if there are more than 20 comments in the past day (I think those are the numbers, may be wrong)

Tinkeringbell

@Peter If you can do it yourself, feel free to do so. You could also raise a custom mod flag politely asking them to ;)

Catija

@ArtOfCode 20 over three days.

We get a lot of them.

Peter

okay thank you :) I can move it now, which is what I'm going to do

huh I thought the answers on the question would be deleted, however they are copied, cool :)

Catija

5:39 PM

Nope, only mods have the option to move to chat and delete. If you feel like you need something moved to chat and you're not getting the prompt to do so, you can always flag it and we'll take care of it... eventually :P

Peter

okay thank you! I'll need to look more into the flag system, since I barely used it until now

Firework

Does anyone else agree we should close interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/2534/… ?

JAD

@Catija I guess those are not as high priority ;)

sphennings

@Firework Why?

Firework

Because, look at the downvotes.

JAD

5:46 PM

downvotes doesn't mean it should be closed

ArtOfCode

Downvotes are not a reason to close vote

JAD

especially not on meta

Firework

I understand its a valid question but, it's starting a little flame war. Look at the comments.

Gypsy Spellweaver

If it fits the criteria for closing it should be closed, if it does not then it should not be closed.

sphennings

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/help/privileges/close-questions for more on the criteria for closing questions.

Gypsy Spellweaver

5:47 PM

The answers and comments shouldn't control the question

Firework

Ok. I was just wondering. :)

Gypsy Spellweaver

The comments/answers may need moderation, from users of even mods, but the question is not valid/invalid based on them.

Firework

Ok!

Gypsy Spellweaver

If a question is getting too much negative attention there are locks, I don't know all about them, but the mods have some control over that.

user15026

In this case, there's no need for closing or locking, I don't think

Firework

5:52 PM

Tinkeringbell

The only thing I can come up with is that it's more of a general meta thing because the way it is phrased it's about SE in general, not IPS?

Firework

Does anyone know why my tab is black..

Mithrandir

@Tinkeringbell general meta stuff is allowed on per site metas as well

@Firework you're on Interpersonal Skills Meta

Meta sites have a black-and-white/grayscale style, usually, with the exception of main meta

Firework

Oh. Rip

Mithrandir

@sphennings Is there? I more got the impression that this was a personal thing - a DM, not a public space.

sphennings

6:06 PM

I didn't know that sections edited out of questions commonly made it out of IPS, onto the rest of the internet.

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings You don't know half XD

I have some people on hangouts for the 18+ jokes ;)

Mithrandir

Does anyone have a wet trout handy?

D.Hutchinson

did you guys think my question regarding how to talk to the coffee shop girl who's wearing headphones useful to the IPS community (keeping in mind the current + future users of this site ... )?

user15026

6:25 PM

Well, it's not closed, so ostensibly, people did

user15026

And it's upvoted

user15026

I'm not sure what more discussion about it here would actually gain

sphennings

@D.Hutchinson It is contentious, but it's a useful question.

D.Hutchinson

I see ...

user15026

I think at this point it's safest to just let it lie, no?

sphennings

6:29 PM

@Ash Is right we've hammered that question to death twice now.

user15026

Yeah, we've literally talked it out for like an entire day. Just let it go, learn from everything that has been said :)

D.Hutchinson

could I post another question about how to talk to a woman ... is where my head is at ... I could be misinterpreting shog ... but he said something last night about these types of questions, to his mind, being beyond-worthless ... and something about how StackOverflow in the past had to figure out what were minimal acceptable questions to keep, despite popularity ...

@ash yeah, I certainly learned a ton ... it's been very useful to me to read the answers ...

user15026

@D.Hutchinson Maybe let this one die down, think over what sorts of general advice you've gotten out of it, and then decide, based on how this went down, if you still feel a need to do so in a few days

ArtOfCode

@D.Hutchinson Do you mind a little brutal honesty?

D.Hutchinson

@ArtOfCode sure, I'm listening ...

ArtOfCode

6:35 PM

@D.Hutchinson Okay, so here's the thing. A number of the ideas you've had about talking to women have been... shall we say ill-advised? There's this last one, for example, where your proposed course of action would ignore a strong "get-lost" indicator. To be honest, I'd leave off posting questions about how to talk to women for a while at least, and if/when you need to post another, I'd suggest running it by chat again first - but respect what chat says.

If chat says "that's a bad idea", as in the case of the headphones, I'd leave it to avoid causing more unnecessary controversy.

If it's a reasonable question, then chat can help you get the phrasing right - some of these things are touchy subjects, so being able to post a question that's sensitively worded the first time round is a bonus for not causing controversy.

sphennings

I know I'm much more likely to explain something to someone if they don't turn around and ask someone else. If you're just going to ask it on main I might as well save my time and answer it once instead of twice.

user15026

I think if chat is used more for "help me write a good IPS question" and less for "answer this question because I know main will eat me alive" that would be a good way to go about things. :)

sphennings

@Ash That's also a good point. Don't use chat as a way to circumvent restrictions on main.

user15026

Or to avoid getting downvotes, or whatever you think might negatively happen

D.Hutchinson

@ArtOfCode controversy wasn't what I had expected - thought it turned out that way. But I think the question generated tons of good answers. But is it frowned upon to post a potentially controversial question on IPS and in general on other SE sites? Such questions, though controversial, could be big learning moments for people (while also attracting a lot of hatred, which needs to be moderated aggressively).

Should we actively avoid touchy subjects?

user15026

6:41 PM

@D.Hutchinson It depends, if you're posting them in good faith, if you're not just asking tons of "how do I speak to a girl in this specific situation" without considering past learnings, etc, then it's fine

user15026

@D.Hutchinson No, we're all grownups.

user15026

I think we've demonstrated we can have questions on these topics as long as everyone is willing to listen and respect each other.

D.Hutchinson

I see ...

ArtOfCode

What Ash said. I think the big thing on your last question is the fact that it appeared to be asking Dad because Mom didn't give you the answer you wanted. I don't know whether that was deliberate or not, but that appearance matters more than the reality.

user15026

I think, to be honest, you're overthinking this, and you're making mountains out of molehills.

user15026

6:43 PM

It happened, we all learned stuff, I think we can safely move on from it

user15026

(Also, a lot of the advice in the answers can and should be applied in more general "how do I talk to people" sense)

D.Hutchinson

@ArtOfCode yeah, I wanted to run it by the community to gather more information - I thought it turned out to be very useful ...

@Ash true ...

@ArtOfCode the thing is:

social norms such as: don't touch people, find your own table to sit at in the coffee shop or ask to share one, don't yell, don't spit, don't chew loudly, don't stare ... be nice ... are trivial, but the setting of talking to someone while she is wearing headphones doesn't seem to have obvious social norms ...

user15026

I'm not sure why you're still bringing up the question.

user15026

It's been answered, we've accepted it existing, people have voted, it's open

user15026

Let it go, learn from it, move on to other things :)

D.Hutchinson

6:50 PM

@ash because shog called it worthless ... so I just wanted to explore that a bit ...

yeah ... I know ...

ArtOfCode

@D.Hutchinson This is where the issue is. There are social norms for that, and my answer details them. Your experience doesn't include them, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. So...

user15026

We're kinda going in endless circles.

ArtOfCode

Not knowing about them is reasonable and wanting to ask about them is reasonable if you don't know they exist; but asking chat, being told "these are the norms and you should not do that", and then appearing to refuse to accept that and asking main anyway... that's the problem.

D.Hutchinson

I see ...

ArtOfCode

But Ash is right when they say "let it go"... my two cents is "wait a while, then bring it to chat before asking another"; too much debate about the minutiae of whether it was useful and why isn't productive.

D.Hutchinson

6:54 PM

Ok ...

shog seemed really upset ... I wonder if I should reach out to him ...

user15026

@D.Hutchinson Let it go.

user15026

Seriously.

D.Hutchinson

Ok ...

user15026

Accept that it happened, learn from it.

D.Hutchinson

alright cool, let's move on then -- thanks for listening @ash @ArtOfCode ...

D.Hutchinson

7:39 PM

@GypsySpellweaver hello :)

Gypsy Spellweaver

Aloha

D.Hutchinson

I saw my periodontist for a teeth and gums cleaning today -- I feel so ... clean :)

it's nice to see you active on here

over the last couple of nights ...

Tinkeringbell

@GypsySpellweaver I read an interesting article today ;) Apparently, chimpanzees and bonobo's speak the same language :D

D.Hutchinson

@GypsySpellweaver resume - one or two pages?

putting the finishing touches on it now ...

JAD

depends, does it require more space than one page?

D.Hutchinson

7:53 PM

I have two potential hiring managers to work with ...

JAD

Like, don't stretch it out, just put on it what needs to be on it

D.Hutchinson

@JAD hmm ... I see ...

JAD

imo, content > length

D.Hutchinson

I see ...

maybe I'll stick to one page then ...

Gypsy Spellweaver

@D.Hutchinson I'd recommend spending some time reviewing questions on The Workplace. They probably have a few questions about that which could be helpful.

D.Hutchinson

7:56 PM

@GypsySpellweaver true ...

Gypsy Spellweaver

It's possible to ask almost any question anywhere. It's usually best to ask a question where you are most likely to find people who will have good answers.

JAD

Take a look here: workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/tagged/resume

D.Hutchinson

@GypsySpellweaver true ...

@JAD thanks so much :)

Mithrandir

9:13 PM

@D.Hutchinson I thought you were going to Tibet.

Now how am I supposed to keep that flap on there so that it can bend both ways...?

@GypsySpellweaver - Have you seen Henry around lately?

Gypsy Spellweaver

@Mithrandir Nope

Mithrandir

9:28 PM

Hmm

Gypsy Spellweaver

Been keeping his room alive, but not sure if I should continue or not.

With his experimenting on the only computer he has my first thought was that he'd trashed it had to start with a fresh installation from the ground up. Almost 3 weeks later, I'm not so sure even that explains it. I was rare, but not invisible when my computer was in a rebuild, and I did a lot more than I should have at that.

What does it take to unfreeze a room?

Mithrandir

@GypsySpellweaver a ping to any mod on the network

Gypsy Spellweaver

Then I'm gonna let it freeze. If/when he returns he can always find you at your desk.

He's been there so I know he knows where it is. :)

IPS Comment Bot

You need to take into account that they know each other since one and a half years. So she has some basic trust in him - he is not a stranger, she knows his behavior patterns quite well, for example that he is not aggressive. Trusting and liking him are separate things. — Volker Siegel 52 secs ago

#5203 Volker Siegel (113 rep) | Q: How should my wife handle an engaged admirer and his fiancee? (score: 48) | posted 140 days ago by Kallum Tanton (343 rep) | edited 134 days ago by Kallum Tanton (343 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]

Mithrandir

@GypsySpellweaver Sure. Just find it a bit odd he disappeared like that. Also, don't people have phones with internet access...?

Gypsy Spellweaver

9:40 PM

That's not a given, even in his location.

Also, don't forget he's a home-school student. Family could have decided that too much online was interfering with learning. Or, possibly even lost the privilege of internet for a while. Lots of possibilities.

I don't have internet on my phone.

I do have a smart phone, that has no service, which I can use to tap into open wifi around town, but not quite the same.

Mithrandir

@GypsySpellweaver That's a possibility. I think I disappeared from SE for about six months because of that in 2015/6.

Gypsy Spellweaver

Sometime IRL trumps online, even SE o_O

Weather could also be a factor. Not 100% but I think the geo location is in a storm belt that might have seen some nasty winter weather recently as well.

I just checked his Area 51 proposal, hasn't been there since early in the month as well, so I'd say it's a total SE blackout, for what ever reason.

Mithrandir

Well. Not much we can do, I guess.

Congratulations @Catija on 10,000 reputation!

Gypsy Spellweaver

Not a thing that I can envision. Not worried about him though. I figure parents that are involved enough to do home schooling are well able to take care of him, whatever the situation.

D.Hutchinson

@Mithrandir I'm going to Tibet in July, still. Well, at least I'm enrolled in the program ...

6 months of monastic living ...

I hope Henry is ok ...

Mithrandir

9:55 PM

6 months without SE? :O

D.Hutchinson

yeah - need to earn all the rep that I can between now and end of June ...

famous questions are fun - but more rep is even better :)

how does a rep-cap feel?

someday, I'll achieve that ...

brb - heading to campus ...

Gypsy Spellweaver

10:13 PM

For me the best "feeling" on SE comes when I get a random up vote on an old answer. Means much more than a bunch of votes on a current answer. Not worth as much rep (10 vs 80-800, or more), but more satisfying.

sphennings

Hitting rep cap is mostly the result of having a good answer on a question that goes HNQ. It's nice but the answer I'm proud of on this site got only 6 upvotes.

Gypsy Spellweaver

10:36 PM

An answer that gets lots of votes early on I view as the active community saying "Good answer" and/or "I agree." A random upvote months later I interpret as "Hey, this helped me out. Thanks." I am not opposed to getting rep, not in the least. I much prefer, however, the idea that my answer, opinion, thoughts, or whatever, were able to help some else when they needed it. Long-delayed upvotes are more likely to mean "thanks" than "I agree."